Текст книги "Losing Her "

Автор книги: Mariah Dietz

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

“Actually, I was just thinking that you don’t like lakes because you can’t see what’s in them. I think I’d hate lakes if I could. There’s no way I’d get in there if I knew things like that were in there.” A slight tremor shook your dad’s shoulders. “That thing was nasty looking.”

You nodded, still laughing softly. “Amphibians and reptiles aren’t my thing.”

“Apparently not,” I said with a smile. “Remind me to never let you look through the pictures J and I have from Alaska.”

It took us a few hours to walk the perimeter of the lake and reach the SUV. We tried to keep course and follow the shoreline. Occasionally, one of us would veer too close to the lake and you’d hear someone’s shoes slosh in the shallows of the water. You ensured you wouldn’t make that mistake by holding my right hand in your left as we navigated around with Zeus happily meandering in and out of the water, nearly invisible against the darkness.

“You can ride in the back,” your dad said, clasping a hand on my shoulder when we finally made it back.

I smiled at him appreciatively, not about to ask if he was sure.

You spread out a blanket for Zeus in the back, and climbed into backseat. I slid in next to you while your dad went to leave a note about where the boat, or what was left of the boat, was.

“Sorry this didn’t turn out like you guys were hoping.” Your voice was soft as your thumb traced along my forefinger.

“No, I was worried I was getting out of shape. That long swim and seven mile hike in the dark was exactly what I needed,” I joked. “Plus, seeing your reaction to that snake made it worth it.”

“Admit it, that thing was gross!”

“That was the hottest snake dance that I’ve ever seen.”

You shook your head and I can guarantee an eye roll accompanied it. “Exactly, how many people can really make the heebeejeebee dance look hot? It’s a gift.”

I chuckled, pulling you closer so I could kiss you. You kissed me back, not accepting the brief kiss I was intending. Your lips pressed firmly against mine, your tongue sweeping against my bottom lip before you bit it with impatience. I loved it. My hand brought you closer to me, and your hand moved up my thigh to my groin. I caught your hand and pulled back.

“Trouble, is what they should have called you,” I said, letting out a heavy sigh of regret. The last thing I wanted to do was stop you.

“Sorry. I just feel like I’ve barely touched you at all today, and after you started things on the boat … my body is still stuck there.”

“I like when you show me you want me. It’s ridiculously hot. I want you to do that every damn day, just not with your dad looming around outside.”

I thought that warning would cool you off. Nope. You tried to kill me. Again.

“It’s really dark out, and even darker in here,” you whispered seductively, moving over until I felt your thigh press against mine. Your hand returned to my lap. “I’ve got some ways to help keep you in shape, if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“My God, Ace!” I moaned, losing all trace of coherent thought. Then your lips were on mine—soft and smooth, but with a hunger that I yearned to fulfill.

You broke away and moved back in the seat seconds before the driver’s side door opened. I had no idea how you knew he was coming; part of me was relieved, and a larger part was really disappointed.

I glanced over at you in the glow of the dome lights, you were looking at me with an elusive grin.

God I wish you would hurry up and get back here. I feel like there’s this cloud of haze surrounding me that makes it hard for me to feel, or think, or even breathe. What are you doing to me, Ace?

Come home.

You are coming back …

Right?

God she drove me wild.

I shake myself awake, pushing the memory away and call to Zeus. Between adopting him and having Kendall living downstairs, my mission of avoiding all things Ace is becoming increasingly difficult, but I couldn’t say no. What makes it even harder is seeing the changes in them since she’s left. I sometimes catch Kendall staring off with tears staining her cheeks or anxiously checking her phone. Each time I catch her in these moods I leave. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to think about it. I already do way too much. Zeus isn’t much better. He lies by the back door with his head between his paws and just waits. He’s never seen her come through this door, never waited for her here. Yet, it’s obvious that’s exactly what he’s doing. The less I think about it, the less it hurts. It never happened. She never happened. I can feel whatever she changed in me transitioning back to what it was.

Before Ace, I never managed to care about one specific person. I’d experienced brief bouts of infatuation when I saw someone attractive, but generally that died faster than it began. My mom had told me I couldn’t allow my father leaving to affect me, that I had to learn to trust people. However, letting Ace in and having her do the same damn thing, has brought a new revelation to light. I’ll never allow anyone to get that close again. I’ll find someone that just wants to have a good time. That’s all I need—a good time.

Pulling on some gym shorts and a T-shirt, I make my way to the door with Zeus on my heels. He’s been itching to get outside and run. She conditioned him to get exercise every day, and I’ve been failing miserably at the task.

I want to go to the gym in hopes that I’ll see the girl who had asked for my help with lifting. I know she was interested in me; she’d made it pretty obvious. But guilt wins, and I clip on Zeus’s leash, making him cower and whine. Ace had never used a leash with him. David was right; Zeus never strayed from her side. However, within the city, cops are happy to write tickets for that shit, and I’m not about to try and convince them that this behemoth of a dog would never take off or hurt anyone.

Zeus and I start with an easy jog, my legs covering the distance in long strides as Zeus runs beside me, still distracted by the leash that ties us together.

“You’re alright, big man. It’s not going to hurt you,” I explain as we stop at a corner and he tries to creep backwards, as though he can escape from it. I roll my eyes as the light turns and give him a tug as I start again.

After a few more blocks, he’s beginning to relax and run beside me, turning his head each time we pass by another runner. I swear he notes every blond we pass, just as I do.

When we stop a few blocks later at a traffic light, a small dog starts yapping relentlessly from a car parked beside a coffee stand. Clawing at the partially-gapped window as it goes utterly ballistic inside. Zeus watches it for a while then turns his head to look at me, and I shake my head. “I think she wants you, big man.”

Before the light turns for us to go, I hear a shrill scream and look up to see the small dog scampering toward us in short leaps and bounds. Zeus stands erect, his tongue lolling out, as the dog gets closer. I’ve never seen Zeus encounter another animal, and this dog closely resembles several of his toys in size, coloring, and even sound, so I pull back on his leash to keep him from approaching the dog, slightly shocked by the pull he has.

“Daisy! Daisy, come here! Bad dog!” I hear a woman calling and watch as the dog skitters to the side, rounding Zeus and me. A wave of purple runs by, chasing the small dog, and Zeus jerks me forward as he follows.

Within seconds, he’s managed to wrap around the girl dressed in purple workout clothes, tying the three of us together while the small dog stands a few feet from us, yapping incessantly.

“Daisy!” the woman screeches, pulling on Zeus’s leash in an attempt to lift her foot out.

My eyes travel over the tight black pants, up to an even tighter purple top, and stop at her face. It’s the girl from the gym.

Her dark hair whips to the side as she curses and grunts, and then stops when her eyes meet mine.

“It’s you. Oh. My. God. This is totally insane!” Her voice lilts as a giggle joins her smile.

I feel my stunned expression slowly fade as I remind myself to smile at her.

“I was totally hoping I’d run into you again. I never caught your name from last time. I’m Erin.”

Standing this close, I can see her blue eyes, which are actually closer to gray, closely resembling steel, and a pattern of freckles that covers her nose and cheeks.

“Max,” I return.

“Max, that’s hot.” She smiles at me again, and my eyes travel over her face and dark hair. She looks nothing like Ace.

She’s perfect.

Zeus whines, breaking me from my mental comparison, and I lean forward to grab his collar so I can release the leash and unravel the knot we’re tied in.

“Your dog looks like a bear. He’s fuckin’ ginormous!”

I release her from the nylon, allowing her to grab her dog that’s still barking. “Yeah, he’s a beast.”

“What’s his name?”

“Zeus. His name’s Zeus.” I’ve never introduced him as my dog before, and it’s both a little strange, and painful. The slow creep of melancholy threatens to seep over me, and I shove it away with a smile.

“Well, Max and Zeus, would you like to hang out with Daisy and me?”

I nod absently. “Yeah, sure.”

Daisy yaps a few more times, looking slightly demonic as her beady little eyes focus on me. Her entire body convulses as she yips.

“Maybe we ditch the canines, though.”

“I was planning to ditch a whole lot more than just them.” She looks at me with an inviting smile, and my body internally wages a war so fast my thoughts can’t keep up as lust and desire work to conquer this strange devotion I can’t seem to shake.

“My house is six blocks south of here. Why don’t I give you my number you can drop her off and give me a call.”

“Sounds perfect.” She smiles again before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my cheek. I swallow the scent of her perfume. It’s a thick, musky vanilla that makes my lungs feel slightly polluted.

I look over at Erin lying beside me, and a cold wall of discomfort hits. I’m balanced on the very edge of my bed while she lies on the far side, asleep on her stomach. Her dark hair covers most of her face and is fanned across my pillow. What in the hell am I supposed to do now? I can’t just leave her here to wander downstairs and chance her meeting the others. What will she be like if I wake her up? Will she be pissy or embarrassed?

My alarm clock says that it’s nearly six. I really need to get up and get her out the door before the others start waking up.

“Hey,” I say softly.

She doesn’t move.

“Hey,” I try again, reaching forward to gently nudge her shoulder.

Still nothing.

“Erin,” I say, gripping her shoulder and rocking her to consciousness. Her hand slowly raises to her face and pushes her hair aside so her eyes focus on me. Her makeup has been smudged from sleeping, leaving traces of it on my pillow.

She lets out an exaggerated yawn and reaches her hand forward then trails it down my shoulder, over my bicep and to my bare chest.

“You wore me out,” she says with a grin.

“I’ve got to get going.”

“I’ll help you forget about those plans,” she whispers, scooting closer to me, exposing a small hint of her cleavage. “You know you want to. They like you too,” she whispers, leaning closer and pulling the blankets back, showcasing her large, naked chest. My body instantly reacts as her hand trails further down and grips me, holding me almost aggressively in her fist.

“He says you want to play,” she whispers.

I push forward on the bed, knocking her back, and cover her body with mine. Then snake a hand down to prime her. She moans against my shoulder as I insert a second finger and pump them inside of her a few times, not focusing on her reactions to my touch, just looking for a result. I slide them out, leaving her mewling and scratching at my chest, as I reach behind her to open my nightstand and produce a condom.

I tear it open and slowly slide it on without even seeing her. As I close my eyes and reposition myself above her, I see blond hair splayed across my pillows, large brown eyes holding a look of love and desire with a tinge of self-consciousness. Her lips are parted and her chest rises and falls with anticipation.

My eyes squeeze shut, and when they open, I see Erin’s steel eyes are closed, her face slightly contorted, and her mouth open in a small “o” as she breathes a moan. Looking down, I realize that she’s working on herself. This should be hot. I should be feeling half crazed with the sexual confidence and desire she exudes.

I never realized how much I craved Ace’s excitement for me, for what I could do to her, for the brief timidness that turned into carnal desire within a few lustful moments that transformed her into a confident sexual minx.

I grip Erin’s wrist and pull her hand away, earning me a string of profanities and objections before I press into her in one hard move.

When we finish, she heads to the bathroom and I reach for the clothes that I’d worn yesterday. I sit on my bed, debating excuses for Erin to leave. When the bathroom door opens, a wave of coconut impales me. It’s the same familiar scent that escaped the bathroom when she would shower. The sensation makes my chest ache with guilt.

I’m hoping she’ll tell me she has to leave so we don’t have to do a song and dance routine. I already know Kendall’s going to be pissed. As soon as she saw me arrive home with Erin last night, I’d heard her bitching to Jameson, begging for him to intervene because otherwise I’d lose Ace. I wanted to ask her what in the hell she thought had happened.

“You have some great shampoo in there, too bad you don’t use conditioner,” Erin says, combing her fingers through her hair, causing the scent to roll over me like waves.

I shake my head in disbelief. My shampoo sure as hell doesn’t smell like that. Am I imagining the scent? “That’s not my shampoo, where did you find it?” I can specifically remember raiding the bathroom and throwing her things away. It was one of the first rooms to be swept.

“It was on the edge of the tub, behind the shower curtain. You like, don’t care that I used it, right?”

I look at her for a moment dumbfounded. She’s still haunting me six months later!

I shake my head again. “I hate the way it smells,” I lie.

“Really?” She pulls a few strands to her nose. “I guess it is kind of strong.”

I nod and grab a sweatshirt. I need to get out of here before my head starts to cloud with more thoughts of her.

“I need to go. I’ve got classes,” I lie again. It’s a little frightening how easy it is for me to lie to this girl, and slightly more, how much I don’t care.

“Okay, well, here, let me give you my number. We’ll do this again.” She winks at me as she grabs for my phone. I could lie again or tell her to leave, but maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this is what I need. I let her enter her number and stare at the smile pasted across her face for a moment, waiting to feel a sense of accomplishment or relief to conquer the nerves I’m feeling.

“By the way, what’s ace mean?”

“What’s Ace mean? What are you talking about?” My heart hammers against my chest as my breaths quicken and my stomach curls in on itself.

“Oh I swore I heard you say it a few times.” She giggles a loud giggle that makes her chest swell. “Maybe I heard you wrong. I was a little distracted.” She winks at me again as I will my heart to slow down. It’s not that I fear being caught; it’s that I can’t believe I said her name while sleeping with another woman.

I just slept with another woman. My mind begins sifting through images like I’m just now seeing Erin in my bed from last night. Her expressions were exaggerated and almost rehearsed. Her words sounded like something that came from a porn video. My stomach turns violently as I work to keep my knees from buckling.

“This was fun, Max. Call me.” She seems either oblivious or undeterred by my silence as I stiffly nod my head. I follow her as she brazenly descends the stairs, avoiding the fact that one of my roommates is in the living room, shooting her death glares.

When we reach the front door, Erin turns and kisses me, pressing her chest against mine before she breaks away and smiles at me a final time.

“See you soon, Max,” she purrs, and then turns and leaves.

Landon walks in the living room, holding a bowl of cereal and looks from Kendall to me and back.

“What did I miss?” he asks.

“He’s ruining everything!” Kendall screeches, throwing a new pillow she recently bought to replace the ones I’d gotten rid of. She stands without saying another word and stomps down the hall to hers and Jameson’s room then slams the door.

Landon’s eyes follow her and then turn back to me. “What in the hell did you throw away this time?”

“Nothing.”

“Then what’s she so pissed about?”

“Life,” I reply, turning to head back up the stairs.

Wes and I go to the Halloween party sans Erin. I can’t spend this day with her because although Ace is on the opposite side of the goddamn continent, I’ve been thinking about her for weeks and what she might be doing tonight for her birthday. Plus, I’m not ready to have my relationship with Erin be anything but purely sexual at this point, and she doesn’t seem to object. I refuse to label it as a convenient relationship because the term leaves an acidic taste in my mouth reminding me of her again.

The party is filled with girls in scandalous costumes and others that are elaborate. I have no clue who several of characters are, nor do I give a shit to know. We file our way past them in search of the bar, stopping a few times as people greet us.

Wes is wearing the same costume we’d all worn last year: tight jeans, a leather vest without a shirt underneath, a cowboy hat, and a rope slung over his shoulder with a pair of boots.

“Wes, you can’t recycle costumes two years in a row. You have to skip at least one year in between,” Abby says in greeting as she reaches over to wrap her arms around him.

Wes grins and lifts the rope. “I upgraded. I got a rope and some boots, so now I’m Indiana Jones.”

Jesse laughs as Abby rolls her eyes. “I don’t think Indiana Jones wore Wranglers, cowboy,” she says, failing to break his laughter. “What are you supposed to be?” Abby asks, eyeing my jeans and T-shirt.

“Awesome.” My mind races to thoughts of her, hearing her laughter as the word leaves my mouth. I feel the heat of her body next to mine as an image of us hanging out in her father’s den, watching TV last summer, before she fell asleep in my lap for the first time.

“You’re so lame.” Abby interrupts my recollection, and I shake my head and scan the room to find something to distract my mind.

The four of us catch up for a while and then part when Abby and Jesse head out to the dance floor with their hands tightly clasped around one another. Wes and I head in search of the bar.

I don’t know what time it is when I wake up, freezing my ass off because my bedroom window is open and I’m lying on top of my covers, still wearing my shoes. My head throbs and my stomach rolls as I work to sit up enough to kick off my tennis shoes and clumsily maneuver myself to get under the covers. The warmth of my bed feels good, but the leather of my belt bites my hip bone and I groan in protest. Reaching down with one hand, I fumble with it until I get it unbuckled and feel the pressure ease. I don’t bother fishing it out of my belt loops, right now I couldn’t give a shit.

The sun is too bright, making my head ache as though my brain’s physically chipping away at my skull. With a quiet groan I sit up and keep my eyes on the ground, waiting for my head to stop throbbing so I can shut out the light. My steps seem too loud, and my window too strong before I fall back in bed with another groan.

There’s a crunching of paper below me that barely registers. It hangs in my thoughts for a few too many seconds, adding a new pressure to my head. I roll to my back with a grunt and fish around blindly for the source. My hand fists around a piece of paper, crackling too loudly as I move it to where I can see it.

My eyes blink several times and then squint to see Landon’s handwriting:

I’m done watching you try and kill yourself. Call J next time.

I crumple the note in my fist and throw it against the wall, not bothering to watch where it lands as I roll over, wondering how often Erin frequents the gym before I search for more sleep.