Текст книги "Double Clutch"

Автор книги: Лиз Реинхардт

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“Mommy is going to be pissed.” He gestured with one hand to his interior. “Get in.”

“My mother will be extra pissed if I pull up in your car. I’m not allowed to drive with idiots.” I got back on my bike.

I heard Saxon make a noise between a yell and a snarl of frustration before he opened the driver’s side door and closed it with a bang. I was on my way, but the road was slick from the sticking snow and one of my tires wobbled and slipped from under me. Saxon caught up to me easily and grabbed my bike at the same time that I slammed my feet off of the pedals and onto the pavement.

“You’re going to get yourself killed.” He held the handlebars in a vice grip that was the opposite of Jake’s earlier gentle hold. “Get in the car.” He saw my stony expression and his eyes softened in a way I didn’t completely trust. “I won’t put the moves on you, Blix. If I let you get killed, who would I have left to irritate the crap out of me?”

I hated to admit how handsome he looked, how appealing he was to me, despite my resistance.

The snow fell more rapidly now, coated the swerved tracks from my bike, and then erased them completely. It was dangerous. Mom would be frantic.

“Fine.” I picked my bike up. “Pop your trunk.”

He ignored my request, yanked the bike from my hands and jerked his head towards the passenger door. “Get in.”

I saw as I slid in that he had already popped the trunk. He was totally sure I would jump in the car with him. I don’t know what made me angrier; his arrogance or the fact that I’d done exactly what he expected.

I had my arms crossed over my chest when he got in, refusing to warm my cold hands by the vents that blew such inviting air in my direction.

“Call your mom.”

I didn’t want to just do what he said, but I didn’t have much of a choice. If I didn’t call her first, she would be driving to get me or sending out the National Guard. My mom had a way of frightening men in authority positions, and I just prayed she hadn’t already called the cops while the phone rang.

She picked up on the second ring. “Brenna! Where are you?” Her voice was pure panic.

“I’m fine, Mom. One of my classmates offered me a ride home because of the weather.”

“Thank God.” In my mind I could see her putting a shaky hand over her heart. “Just drive slowly. Don’t rush. And tell her thank you.”

“Uh, I will.” I chose to ignore the pronoun confusion. “Love you.”

Saxon smirked while my mother told me she loved me.

“Tell her I love her, too,” he said in a stage whisper.

I gripped my phone in my hand. “Tell her yourself when you get to my house,” I dared him. He shut up.

We rode for a little while in silence. I tried to make mine a pointed, obvious silence, but Saxon refused to acknowledge there was anything weird about my lack of conversation. He seemed perfectly comfortable with the whole thing.

“Pretty crazy weather, eh Blix?” He knew it was ironic to bring up something as mundane as the weather when we had such strong emotions broiling between us.

“It sucks.” Mom would say I was being petulant. So what if I sounded like a priss? That’s how I felt.

“I think it was fate.” He leaned back in his seat. He looked good, and I knew he knew it. His jet black hair was a little too long and messy. His eyes were dark and knowing, and his shirt and pants were obviously too light for the weather, but he didn’t even have a goosebump. And even though I really didn’t want to notice it, it was hard to ignore how his sculpted muscles popped against his Sex Pistols t-shirt and his ripped-up pinstriped suit pants.

“I don’t think fate had anything to do with this. This is just you creeping around where you knew I’d be passing,” I said a little too firmly. Because I had a huge superstitious streak and that usually made me believe firmly in fate. But I didn’t want to in this instance.

“I think you’re a liar. Don’t be so glum, Blix. It’s not cheating to take a ride. Even if it is from me.”

“Jake would never care,” I said hotly, all the hotter about it because I was secretly a little nervous he would care, and also a little annoyed I was even thinking that way.

Saxon shrugged. “I thought you would be more concerned, now that your Jake’s girl.”

“Like I said before,” I snapped, “I’m my own girl. No one else’s.” No matter how much I liked Jake, I would never think of myself as belonging to him. The very idea made me shudder a little.

“So how about Folly?” Saxon made a stab at neutral conversation. “I heard you gave them some designs that were pretty awesome. You and me should go to the show next Saturday.” And then he brought it right back into uncomfortable territory.

“No thanks,” I said automatically.

His smile curled over his face like smoke curling from a burning cigarette. “You aren’t remotely interested in how your design will sell?”

I was. And I liked Folly. I managed to ignore the fact that Saxon made the Folly mix for me and spent a few nights listening to it. I definitely got into their music. “I’m not saying I won’t go. I just don’t want to go with you.”

Saxon leaned over and upped the heat until every dial was set to maximum. I started to sweat in my seat.“Well, however you get there, I’ll be there, too, so it will technically be a date.”

I balked at his words and resisted the urge to throw my coat off. “That makes absolutely no sense.”

“Really?” he challenged. “I’m asking you to meet me at the Folly concert. If you’re there on Saturday, you accepted my date request.”

I glanced at the speedometer and saw he was hardly doing fifteen miles an hour. This ride would never end. “I’ll go with Jake.” I unknotted my scarf, dragged my hat off, and put my mittens in my lap, and I was still sweltering. I didn’t know what was more uncomfortable; the extreme heat of the car’s interior or the slow, hot burn of rage that spread through me in response to Saxon’s ridiculous games.

“Isn’t the motocross race at the Valley next Saturday?” he taunted.

My ears burned. I had forgotten! Jake hadn’t said anything about it for days. I already told him I would go. I even wanted to. How was I going to line everything up?

Now I was aggravated, and Saxon was purposefully crawling along even more slowly. I knew there was no way he’d drive this slowly even in a blizzard. He just wanted to torture me.

“Can we talk about something else?” I growled. I hated his arrogant smile and the way he knew exactly which buttons to push to get me going.

“Sure,” Saxon drawled. “What would you like to talk about, Brenna?” The way he said my name was warm and slow, and it coiled down low in my gut.

“Are you doing any sports this fall?” I asked, my voice falsely bright.

“Yeah.” He shot me a smile. “I’m a forward.”

“Like on the soccer team?” He didn’t seem like a joiner, let alone one of the most important members of the soccer team.

“Like on the soccer team. So are you doing any sports? Cheerleading?” He suggested with a laugh. “Kidding,” he added, and I smiled despite my best attempt to scowl at him.

“I was thinking about track,” I admitted.

“You should. You run like Gump.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I know. I’ve heard you and your friends chanting for me.”

“You’re inspiring, Blix.” His tone wasn’t joking anymore. He looked at me with this expression of naked appreciation that I noticed every once in a while. Saxon didn’t try to hide it when he looked at me that way. He clearly wanted me to see it.

“And I’m sure you make all of the girls burn with desire when you’re on the field.” I shrugged out of my jacket, finally completely broken under the heat torture. “At first I didn’t think soccer forward fit you, but it actually makes perfect sense. You’re the center of attention, calling all of the shots and having everyone worship you. Perfect.”

“Are you calling me a diva?” Saxon grabbed a pack of Tic Tacs from the assorted wrappers, empty cigarette packets, and crumpled papers scattered on the dash and offered them to me.

“I call ‘em like I see ‘em.” I accepted his tiny orange peace offering. “I would have been home ten minutes ago if I rode my bike.”

“Or you would have been dead. Bikes aren’t made for snowstorms.” He held out his hand so I could shake more Tic Tacs in his palm, and I did. “You’re kind of obnoxious.”

“Glad you think so.” I flipped the vents down and pointed the hot air at my feet. “Let’s not be friends.”

“Friends,” he scoffed and tossed the candies into his mouth. “We’re so similar, we should join alliances. The two most obnoxious people on earth would be a true force to be reckoned with.”

“We are not alike.” I really wanted to mean it.

He drove with one hand on the steering wheel, his head turned to look at me. “Why do you think we drive each other crazy? Why do you think there’s that certain something in the air whenever we’re around each other? We’re alike. We attract each other.” His voice was low and smoky in my ears.

I shook my head. “No.”

“It doesn’t matter what you say. It is what it is.” He lifted his hand from the steering wheel in a huge shrug. “Can’t help it. Trust me, I don’t like it any more than you do. I’m just not as good as lying to myself as you are.”

“I don’t lie to myself,” I lied.

We both laughed, and I realized two things at once. The first was that we were pulling into my driveway. The second was that I felt upset for some reason. Some part of me wanted more time with Saxon – the same Saxon who insisted he was just like me when we were worlds apart. Because I was sure we were and always would be worlds apart. Period.

Question mark.

I had my hand on the door handle before he’d even pulled to a complete stop. “Thanks.”

He killed the engine and reached for his handle.

“No.” I shook my head for emphasis.

“Yes.” He got out and headed to my side of the car, then opened my door. I felt a red flush creep up my face.

I hated having him on my own turf. Being a smartass with Saxon in class or his car was one thing. Now I was home, with the mother I loved, and I wasn’t sure how to act around him again. It also made me a little mad he was going to meet my mom and be an official guest before Jake got the chance. This was Jake’s spot, not Saxon’s, and that point of fact made me annoyed.

Or was it a point of fate?

I marched to the house, Saxon at my side, and Mom’s telltale curtain-fluttering sent my heart into overdrive. There was no script for this between me and my mother. Usually I would have asked permission to bring anyone over. I wasn’t used to being cavalier with my mom, and I was nervous about facing her disappointment. I was nervous she would interpret Saxon as something other than what he was. And I was most nervous she would approve of him, or possibly even like him and link us together in her head, in that place that already belonged to Jake, even if she didn’t realize it yet.

The snow coated my driveway and hid the shiny pieces of quartz gravel that usually made a bumpy white trek down the drive. I took Saxon through the garage entrance and came in to my mother’s open arms.

“No more bike.” She shook me by my shoulders gently before she hugged me hard. She turned to Saxon. Her look wasn’t exactly welcoming, but she wasn’t kicking him out either. “Thank you for driving Brenna home. We don’t usually allow her to drive with teenagers, but I understand this was an exceptional situation.”

I gloated at Saxon. I loved my mom’s crisp, scary voice. She could put any boy in his place, even if his eyes were black as sin and his smile made it feel like someone had grabbed a fistful of your stomach and was squeezing hard.

“I understand, Mrs. Blixen.” The voice that tumbled out of his mouth was modulated and humble. “I’m glad I could help Brenna out. Her friends have been worried about her biking home with the weather so unpredictable.”

I wanted to snort at his nonsense, but my mother’s look of approval made my throat stick. Saxon did not just charm my mother!

“Well, I appreciate your worry. We’ve felt it too.” She gave me another shake. “I’d love to ask you to stay…”

“Saxon Maclean, ma’am.” He stuck his hand out.

She shook it and looked disgustingly charmed. “We’d love to have you stay, Saxon, but this is not weather to be on the roads in. Do you need to use our phone to call your parents to tell them you’re on the way home?”

Saxon had parents? It seemed unthinkable.

“No, thank you,” said Impeccably Mannered Saxon. “I have a cell phone. It was so nice meting you, Mrs. Blixen.”

“Same here.” Mom seemed to revel in his thickly-laid-on crap. “I hope you can make it over for dinner sometime when the weather’s a little less freakish.”

“I’d love that.” He turned to me and gave me a sweet, friendly smile, while his eyes danced with devilish triumph. “I’ll see you in school tomorrow, Brenna. I might need to call you later for help with Government.” He looked at my mom, his eyes as innocent as two freshly picked blackberries. “Brenna has a real brain for government, and she’s one of the youngest in the class.”

I wanted to gag. Mom preened like a proud mama peacock. “Well, she’ll be home if you need help. She is very bright.”

“I think I know where she gets her brains from.” He smiled and winked. He actually winked! “Goodnight ladies.”

“Drive safely!” Mom called, looking all agog. I had to suppress a groan.

She went to her favorite crack in the curtains like a friendly sentinel. “He seems very sweet. And very gentlemanly.”

“Mmmhmm,” I murmured noncommittally.

“And he’s definitely got eyes for you, Bren,” Mom went on. Her eyes followed his sleek black car as it backed fluidly out of the driveway. “He’s really good looking. Almost too good looking. Is he your boyfriend?” Her voice was just on the edge of being nervous.

“No.” I paused. “We’re just friends. I think he has a thing for Kelsie.” It wasn’t completely a lie. He had had a thing for Kelsie.

Mom wrinkled her nose. “I don’t think so. Kelsie is sweet, don’t get me wrong. But she can’t hold a candle to you, honey.”

I gave Mom a weak smile and tried to think of some way out of this completely awkward conversation. “So, did you hear from the college?”

“I did!” she exclaimed. “I have a Tuesday/Thursday night class, but everything else is during the day.”

“That’s awesome, Mom.” I moved towards her to give her a hug. “Are you teaching something you like?”

She squeezed me hard then shrugged, flicking the curtain back with a jerk of her hand. “Art History 105 and 106. It’s nice to look at the whole timeline of art again. No complaints here.” She smiled at me, her blue-gray eyes crinkling prettily around the edges.

“I’m happy for you.” We watched the snow fall outside the windows in fat, beautiful flakes. “Do you think we’ll have a snow day tomorrow?”

“You never know. I just can’t believe we’re getting this much snow and it’s still early October! I can’t remember winter starting this early in years. Listen, I know you don’t like it much, but you’re going to have to start taking the bus, Bren.”

“I’ll be home really late, though.” I bit my lip as my bike privileges slipped away before my eyes. I was positive I’d be able to ride right up to the beginning of December, but this freaky weather threw all of my best laid plans off.

“Why?”

“Tech drops off here after they loop Sussex and Vernon. I’m going to be on the bus for over an hour and a half.”

“What? That can’t be the only option!”

“That’s what it said in my packet.” I pointed to the packet on top of the fridge that Mom glanced through before school started. I was usually pretty good about filling her in on everything she needed to know, so Mom didn‘t drive herself crazy reading every letter from the administration.

“I can’t believe that’s the only option.” Mom flipped through everything with an angry shuffle. She found a phone number, but no one was there when she punched the number in. I guessed they left early with the snow. “Well, I know I don’t usually allow this, but that Saxon boy can take you back and forth. Just back and forth to school. He seems very responsible. Though he smelled like smoke. Does he smoke?”

I felt my panic subside. Mom hated nothing like she hated a smoker. “Yes. I had to tell him to put out his cigarette before he picked me up.”

“Well, as long as he never does it when you’re in the car, we’ll have to make do.”

Then Mom went filling pots with tap water in case we lost electricity and getting ready for dinner like it was any other night and she hadn’t just broken a half dozen of her own firmly set rules and told me to ride back and forth to school in Saxon Maclean’s black shark of a car as long as I made it clear he couldn’t smoke.

I opened and shut my mouth a few times and tried to come up with a logical argument, but I couldn’t will myself to argue for a bus ride that would eat up close to two hours of every afternoon. It would take about ten minutes to drive to school and back. Saxon couldn’t get under my skin if I didn’t let him.

Yeah, right.

I went to my room after we‘d eaten dinner and watched some television together, and excused myself by saying something vague about a lot of homework, but I tried Jake’s number as soon as I was behind my closed door. It went to his voicemail. I knew he was at work, probably doing something labor intensive and mundane in this horrible, freezing snow storm. I realized if I reached him just to complain and confess, I stood to make his work day suck even more than it probably already did. I couldn’t do that to him.

But I needed to talk to someone. Kelsie had wrapped her life completely around Chris, to the point where it was hard to talk to her about anything else, but that was actually okay with me. When Kelsie was paying attention, she was very perceptive, and there was way too much going on that I’d rather not have her know about.

Before I could think much more, my phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number that popped up, but something told me it was him.

“Hello?” My irritation grew when I heard the voice I’d anticipated.

“Blix, I really need help with that chapter on jury duty. I’m really confused.” Saxon chuckled softly. “Don’t be mad.”

“You’re a dirty liar.” I punched a throw pillow a few times, then flopped back on my bed.. “My mom thinks you’re some sweet friend of mine.” I kicked my backpack off the bed and onto the floor with one thrust of my leg. “You can’t just barge into my life like that.”

“I wasn’t barging.” His voice was all sweet coercion. “Listen, some girls would consider what I’m doing a modern form of chivalry. I truly do have your best interests at heart. If you get run off of the road, and I didn’t do anything to stop it…” He let his voice trail off expectantly.

“You’ll have no one to harass?” I put in edgily. “I just don’t want to play your games.”

“What games?” His voice sounded a little surprised. But I knew Saxon well enough to know that could just be a layer. Of a game. Ugh!

“I know you don’t have any actual interest in my health and well being…” I started, but he interrupted me.

“Look, that’s a load of crap.” Saxon was usually good about never letting anything ruffle him, but he definitely sounded ruffled now. “I don’t know why, and trust me, I wish I did know just so I could somehow stop it, but I can’t put you out of my mind. I know you’re doing your thing with Jake for whatever reason, but that doesn’t mean I can just switch off what I feel. And that doesn’t mean I want to see you ride that piece of shit bike in a snowstorm.”

“It’s a great bike.” But my voice fell flat. I tried my best to absorb what he’d just said. “You could date anyone you wanted,” I said after a few long seconds.

“I know that.” His voice ground out irritably. “Don’t you think I know that?”

“Why don’t you?” I got up and looked out the window, staring into the vicious tangle of snowflakes that swirled outside my window. I worried about Jake working and getting home in this mess.

“Don’t you feel it for Jake?” he asked, his voice barbed. “Or are you just another conquest? You seemed pretty damn self-righteous about the whole thing a few days ago. Is that all gone?”

“No. I care about Jake. It’s not about physical stuff. I mean, it’s not only about that.” My face got hot just talking about it. I couldn’t stop myself. I knew I should just end the conversation as soon as possible, but something about Saxon’s honest, raw voice kept me on. I leaned my overheated face on the frosty glass of my bedroom window.

“I…Jesus Christ,” he muttered, then took a deep breath. “I care about you. I can’t even believe I’m having this discussion.”

“How could you care about me?” I was desperate to undo the thing he’d just done to us with four little words. My breath made a fogged patch on the glass.

The line was so quiet, I checked to make sure we were still connected. After another few seconds, his voice came through, crackling with frustration. “How could I not? It was first sight crap. I wanted you out of my system, and I’m still hoping that’s going to be the key, though I doubt it more and more every day I’m around you.”

“This doesn’t seem like a head game,” I ventured cautiously. I traced a heart in the circle of condensation on the window with my fingertip.

He snorted. “You guessed it, Blix. This is all part of my elaborate plan to be crowned prom king. C’mon. You think I like this? You think I haven’t tried to ignore you? You think I wouldn’t like to roll around with Karen Tanner? It just isn’t happening. And it’s because of you.”

“Karen Tanner?” I asked dumbly, picking the safest group of words in his confession to parrot. I pressed my palm to the window and blotted the heart out.

“Head cheerleader.” He took a deep breath and blew it all out in one long rush. “Hot and into me. But I can’t get serious with her. I can’t get you out of my damn head. It sucks.”

“I’m with Jake.” I clutched the phone so hard my hand shook.

“I know that. I’m not begging for you to dump him. I’m just explaining why I keep creeping around like some sad old pervert.”

That made me laugh. “I guess it would suck,” I conceded.

“Yeah.” His voice was hard.

We sat for a minute, and the quiet tempted us to say all those things that we weren’t really ready or able to say. Finally I broke through the swirl of unsaid emotions with a watered-down version of a few things I’d been thinking. “Let’s just be friends. Maybe you’re so used to getting girls to like you romantically that you think that’s what you want from me.” Where was this coming from? Probably mostly from the fact that he had softened me with all of his embarrassing confessions. And maybe there was a tiny sliver of plain attraction; not the intense amorous kind I felt for Jake, but an attraction, nonetheless.

“I think it’s a fairly shitty idea, but let’s try it. At this point, I’m willing to go along with anything.”

“Karen Tanner will be rolling around with you before you know it,” I promised. “There’s nothing particularly awesome about me, Saxon. Once I’m not so unattainable you’ll back off.”

“I hope so. Look, let’s go to Jake’s thing together and then we’ll all go to Folly. As friends.” He added an extra sneer to the last word, just for good measure.

I didn’t want to touch that offer with a ten-foot pole. “You and Jake aren’t really friends, though. Won’t it be really weird?”

“I’m sure he needs a ride there anyway. His old man isn’t going to bother to take him. There’s some unresolved stuff between me and Jake. Maybe it’s time to resolve it.”

“What is it that makes you hate each other?” It had bothered me since the movies, but I couldn’t get a thing out of Jake. Bringing up Saxon’s name practically guaranteed he would be in a foul mood.

“Mostly stuff we never said, misunderstood stuff. Nothing serious. Nothing I can’t smooth over.” The words were all cocky bravado. I heard a hint of uncertainty underneath them. As strangely attractive as Saxon could be when he was arrogant and swaggering, this weirdly human version was even more interesting. It was as if Saxon was peeling back a layer and letting me see something flesh and blood that he didn’t show to anyone else. I loved the sense that I shared some kind of secret with him.

“I still don’t think he’s going to be into you taking me to see him.” I tread carefully around his invitation. “I’m not really willing to upset him before a big race. It’s important to him.”

“Maybe you should talk to him about it,” Saxon challenged.

That’s exactly what it was. A pure challenge. He knew I was uncomfortable about it, and he wanted to call me out on my I’m nobody’s girl but my own rant.

“I will.” I realized just how easy it was for Saxon to manipulate me into doing what he wanted. It was not a pleasant realization. “I need to call him soon anyway. We have other things to talk about.” I just wanted the conversation with Saxon to be over. He made me think way too much, and it was unnerving. Talking to him wasn’t comfortable, even if it was exciting. I got off of the phone with him as quickly as I could, but I could hear the laughter in his voice as we hung up. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he enjoyed it.

I called Jake’s number, even though I knew he’d probably literally walked through the door from work that exact minute. I didn’t like calling before he had time to shower or relax for a few minutes. It seemed somehow desperate. But today I made an exception. And in Jake’s typical fashion, he didn’t seem upset to hear from me at all.

“Hey Brenna! You called me early.”

“Sorry.” I felt the sinking in my heart. How was I going to put this to him? Saxon had snared me in an old trap; if I didn’t ask and just told Saxon no, he would assume, correctly, that I’d chickened out. If I did ask…well, that was its own distinct craziness.

“Don’t be sorry. I love hearing from you. Call any time you want to.”

“Thanks,” I said. Then, awkwardly, I added, “So I don’t have a lot of details about your race. What’s up with it?”

It was like I opened up a flood gate. Jake talked faster than I’d ever heard him talk before. He said he’d been preparing in his free time, this race was a huge deal, and he was really excited I would be able to be there to see him. That it meant so much to him that I would be there to support him.

And that’s when I had to drop the bomb on him.

“So, how are you getting there?” I closed my eyes and winced at his frustrated silence.

He finally said the obvious. “You need a ride.” He wasn’t offering because he couldn’t. I’d never met anyone so worried about the fact he couldn’t drive.

“Not exactly.” I twisted the corner of my comforter. “I have a ride. Kind of.”

He waited with typical Jake-like patience.

“With Saxon.” Even as the words left my mouth, I wondered if I should mention it. Mom could still veto the whole thing; but this afternoon’s insanity gave me the feeling it was unlikely. She had really taken a strange liking to Saxon. That and her desire to see me go out with friends more would probably push her towards saying yes. How weird to be upset that my mom was most likely going to give me permission to go hang out all day Saturday.

Jake exhaled in one long, irritated whoosh of air. But he didn’t say anything.

“Say something.” I really didn’t know what I wanted him to say. I didn’t want him to be annoyed, but I could understand why he would be. I knew it would be strange to expect him to be cool with the whole thing, but it was a also a huge leap for him to ask me to understand why if he never gave me even the slightest detail about what had happened between him and Saxon.

And then he said something so un-Jake-like it shocked the words right out of my mouth.

“I’d rather you don’t come see me than show up with Saxon.”

I hadn’t expected him to go that far, and I felt hot boils of anger pop and sizzle right below the surface of my skin.

I finally managed to string a few words together. “You don’t want me to come if I get a ride from Saxon?” I clarified, fighting hard to keep my voice even and controlled. Because in a few more sentences, all of that control would be gone, and I knew it.

“That’s right.” His voice was granite hard.

That edge set me off. “I don’t know what the big secret is, but it’s getting obnoxious. Just tell me!”

“It’s not important.” He’d never spoken so sharply before. “Look, do what you want, Brenna. I can’t tell you what to do.”

I felt that annoying, cloying heat in my throat, the itch way in the back that let me know I was very close to crying.

“It is important.” My voice wobbled, to my complete humiliation. “We’re arguing about it, Jake, so I guess it’s pretty important. What is it?”

He let out a groan and just then I heard a light knock on my door. “I have to call you back.” I slid the phone off and looked intently at the mounds of paper and books piled on my bed so it would appear like I had been busy plowing through homework.

“I’m going to turn in for the night.” Mom walked in and kissed my head.

“Love you, Mom.” I fought hard to keep my voice and face and expression normal. And just the trying raised her Mom-Alert.

“What’s the matter, Bren?” Her eyes searched my face.

“Just a lot of school work,” I lied.

“Is it too much? I think you should reconsider going to two high schools. It takes a lot out of you. I know you enjoy what you’re doing at technical school, but let’s face it, you’re going to go to college, honey. You need to focus on academics.” Mom sat on the bed and smoothed my hair away from my face. I leaned my cheek into her hand and loved the super soft brush of her palm on my skin.

“It’s not that. I think it’s just an adjustment.” That word had power. It gave me time and leeway.

“Well, keep what I said in mind. High school is supposed to be fun. I don’t like the way you’re always worrying lately.”

“Lately?” I asked, surprised.

“I’ve just noticed you seem a little distracted.” She smiled at me like she understood, but I realized she couldn’t possibly. What Mom saw was the Jake effect.

“It’s still a little weird being the new girl.” I hated lying to Mom, but omission was okay in a twisted way.

“You’ll get to relax tomorrow anyway. Snow day.” Mom beamed.

“Already?” They usually waited until early morning to call something like that.

“They just flashed it on the news before I came to say goodnight. I think it’s probably that they don’t have the resources together for an October storm. It’s freaky weather we’re having.” She squeezed me close. “You’re going to be spoiled with all these three day weekends.”