Текст книги "Double Clutch"

Автор книги: Лиз Реинхардт

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

“Liar!” I yelled back at him, my lips trembling in the cold, and my voice echoed in the chilly air. “You’re a liar,” I repeated, more calmly.

He looked at me and licked his lips, opened his mouth and closed it. “I didn’t say a thing Jake didn’t already know. I was just warning him.” His eyes begged me to believe him.

“About what?” The wind whipped my hair across my face and threw me off balance closer to Saxon than I wanted to be.

“About ending up like his dad.” Saxon gritted his teeth.

“You mean the drinking?” I remembered Jake telling me about his father’s drinking and how it didn’t stop him from getting into it. But I thought Saxon was the one who got him started?

“That,” he growled. “And the stupid girls.” He fisted both hands in his hair and let go with a grunt. He looked completely wild and predatory, different than I’d ever seen him.

“What do you mean?” Stupid girls. There must have been a lot of them. Jake had been with so many other girls. My face got hot just thinking about it.

“I told you, Jake slept with every girl who looked at him and smiled. That kid seriously couldn’t keep it in his pants. And he was drinking all of the time. Sleeping with girls who were looking for someone just like him.” He looked at me coldly, searching my face to see if I was going to respond to what he said.

“I know this stuff.” I was glad I had the cold to blame all my shaking on. “Jake told me everything he remembers.”

Saxon snorted. “Well, that’s not everything, trust me, Blix. That night, there was a girl there. No good. She was looking to get pregnant. She wanted to hook Jake.”

“How do you know?” I tried hard not to look too shocked. Pregnant? Who would want to get pregnant in high school? Had it happened?

He shook his head. “You wouldn’t get it. You come from a whole different world. She wanted to make sure Jake stuck around. He’d slept with her before, but didn’t even remember her name. She was talking about it. How she’d tried poking holes in the condom with another guy. Whatever, she was a skank.” Saxon’s eyebrows were pushed low over his eyes.

“What does this have to do with Jake’s mom?” My head spun so hard I wanted to sit down or lean against something. But there was nothing near me except for Saxon, and I wasn’t about to lean on him.

“His mom was the worst mom imaginable.” Saxon practically spit. “She was more interested in who she could get in the sack than taking care of Jake. Once, she got drunk and told Jake’s dad that she didn’t even know if Jake was his.”

“Oh my God.” Was that why Jake and his dad had such a tense relationship?

“Anyway, her dying was the best thing that could have happened to Jake. And it was like, as soon as she was gone, he started to put the worst elements of her back into his life. Like some kind of miserable-ass tribute to the worst mother on earth.” Saxon shook his head and ground his teeth. “I told Jake he was about to sleep with a no good whore like his mother.”

“Saxon!” I cried. It didn’t matter what your background or how cool you might be, no one could cross the mother line. I could only imagine Jake’s fury when Saxon said that about him mother. His mother who had died so young. “It doesn’t matter what his mom did. She’s still his mom, and you had no right saying anything about her.”

“Bullshit!” Saxon yelled, pointing a finger so close to my face I backed up. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were bright and furious. “No one cared about that kid the way I did! No one! He was like a brother to me, and I wasn’t about to watch him ruin his life!”

“What did you do?” I closed my eyes against his answer, waiting for the events of the night to be revealed by the only person who really knew. And I had the distinct feeling I wouldn’t like what I heard.

“I punched him in the face, tried to knock his ass out.” Saxon’s voice was rough. “But he’s tougher than he looks. I just wound up chipping his tooth. So I stole his shoes so he couldn’t leave on foot and told one of my friends to let him sleep with her.” He looked at my face. “Not like that, Blix. He was out of it anyway. When he woke up, I let him blame it all on me, the whole night, the drinking, his whorishness. I’m glad I did, too. He stopped hanging out with those losers, me included. He hasn’t had a drink since, he got a job, stopped screwing up in school. It’s everything I ever wanted for him.” Saxon hung his head. “It’s the best thing for him.”

“But you had to give him up.” I felt tremors that had nothing at all to do with the temperature. I wanted to wrap my arms around Saxon, because I knew the pain and loss that overwhelmed him was completely real. And no one understood better than I did what it was like to care about Jake and worry that he might be gone.

“Yeah.” Saxon stared at the tops of his shoes. “But if I hadn’t, who knows what stupid shit he would have gotten himself into? I shouldn’t talk; I exposed him to most of it. Whatever.”

“You miss him.” The realization hit me like a bolt of lightning. “You don’t hate Jake at all. You miss him.”

“We were friends since before pre-school. So, yeah, I miss him. But it’s easier this way. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” He looked at me and grabbed my shoulders. “Don’t screw with this, Blix. I’d like it if he didn’t out-and-out hate my guts, but I don’t want him to know the whole story. You’re the only one who knows, so I know whose ass to kick if it gets back to him.”

But he didn’t hold me like he wanted to kick my ass. He rubbed his thumbs on my shoulders. Then he pulled me against him and pressed his forehead to mine.

“We can’t do this, Saxon.” I could feel the pain radiating off of him in waves, and I wanted to still it for him. I wanted to hold him tight and tell him it would be okay. But if I did that, nothing would be okay again.

“I know.” His hands pressed harder, until they bit into my shoulders, but I didn’t tell him to stop. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to Jake. You’re so damn good for him.”

“I really care about him,” I said, my breathing heavy. I could smell Saxon, and it was a musky, sharp smell that turned me on even though I didn’t want it to.

“You’d be…you’d be so good for me, Brenna. Being with you, it would be a total game changer. Who knows what we’d be able to do?” His voice was so low I almost couldn’t hear him. “I’ve given up Jake. Now I have to give you up too?”

“We can be friends.” I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see the disappointment on his face.

I knew he wanted to kiss me. I knew he wanted to do more than that.

“I don’t want to be your God damn friend,” he said, pronouncing each word carefully.

“That’s all there is for us,” I said, then pushed away hard and broke his hold on me. I didn’t have my jacket or my backpack, but I needed to get out of there. I saw my bike and bolted over to it.

“Brenna, don’t be an idiot! Brenna! You don’t even have a coat on! Brenna!” Saxon screamed. I heard a long, loud stream of swear words, but it faded fast.

I pedaled like a maniac, trying to keep myself from getting too cold. The faster and harder I pumped, the better I felt. I made it to Tech in no time. I was early, but not by much. I slammed into the school and ran to the cafeteria. I walked in and looked around at the students crowded at tables eating and joking. Jake sat apart from a group of kids, his arms crossed and his face sullen. He seemed to sense I was looking at him. His head snapped up and he kicked his chair back and strode over to me fast.

“Brenna, you’re freezing.” He pulled his thermal off, popped it over my head, and rubbed his hands up and down over my arms. He had one of his threadbare t-shirts on underneath. “What are you doing here so early?”

And then I was crying, my face on his chest. Jake put his arm around me and walked me out of the crowded cafeteria where we were drawing way too much attention. He led me into a deserted stairwell and frantically pressed my hair back and shushed me. “What’s wrong, Brenna? Don’t cry, baby. What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry!” I wailed. “I didn’t want to mess things up with you!”

He pulled me into his arms and ran a hand from the crown of my head down my back. “Are you crazy? I messed things up. Don’t cry, shh.” He kissed me quickly, warmly. “Don’t cry, babe. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten all self-righteous on you. If you want to strip on a pole…well, I’ll stand guard with a gun, but I’ll support you. You haven’t made a fraction of the mistakes I’ve made. I’m the one with a screwed up perspective.”

“That’s not true,” I said, though it was in a lot of ways. “But I have to tell you something, and I don’t know how.”

“Just tell me.” His face looked so trusting. “Just tell me. There’s nothing I would be mad about. I promise.”

I laughed shortly. “You can’t promise that, Jake. You can’t predict how you’ll react.”

“Nothing you say is going to make me pissed off, okay?” He brushed his thumbs under my eyes, pushing away stray tears.

“Saxon and I…” I started, unsure what exactly to say.

Then I saw Jake’s eyes harden with a deep hate, much deeper than I’d anticipated. His hands on my arms tightened.

“Jake, ow. My arms.”

“Sorry. I’m so sorry.” He rubbed them, his eyes frantic. “What about you and Saxon?” His words were razor sharp.

“He and I are in class together,” I began lamely. “And he told me you two were good friends.” Why did I back down again? I should tell him the whole truth!

“I told you that.” The crazy gleam left his eye, and there he was again. It was such a relief to see his face looking so tender, I decided partial truth was the best I could manage.

“But I think he wants to be friendly again. He wants you and him to get along. I think.” I wanted to tell him more. I wanted to pour my heart and soul out to him, but there was too much at stake, too much to lose.

“Why were you so upset about that?” Jake dipped his head to look at me.

“Because…” I was standing right on the line of truth and lies. I didn’t want to have Saxon come between me and Jake, but telling Jake might blow everything up. He needed to make peace with Saxon. “Because I don’t think Saxon likes me very much. And I think that’s standing in the way of him reaching out to you.”

He looked at me for a long minute, and I expected him to call me on my bald lie and walk away. Instead he smiled. I looked at his adorable chipped tooth and thought of Saxon’s fist making it. “You’re so wrong.” Jake laughed. “Saxon likes you. A lot. A whole lot more than makes me comfortable, actually. I can see it in the way he looks at you. He’s not used to not getting what he wants. But you’re mine.” And the glint was back, this time not as maniacal, but still pretty damn unsettling.

“Maybe we can just come to a truce?” I begged.

“Whatever makes you happy,” Jake said with an easy smile. “C’mon out here. I’ve got a big surprise for you.”

We left the school and went to the parking lot. Jake led me to a big blue truck with huge tires, chipped paint, a crack in the windshield, and a huge bench seat with a few obviously patched tears. I looked at it for a long minute, then remembered where I had seen it. It was one of the few pictures on Jake’s Facebook page.

“Your truck? How did you get it here?”

“I became a full time worker at Zinga’s last week.” He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and slid out a small plastic card. I took it from his hand and saw his face, looking uncharacteristically stern.

“This is a license,” I said stupidly.

“A farmer’s license,” he explained. “They only give it out if you can prove you work full time on a farm or your family operates one. That’s why I had to run in early yesterday. I wanted…” He ran a hand through his hair shyly. “I wanted to pick you up this morning, but I knew you were probably pretty pissed at me.”

“Jake,” I breathed, and threw my arms around him. “I’m so happy for you. You’ve been dying for your license!”

“I know.” He smiled that big dopey grin I loved. “It’s less than a month to my birthday, but I’m glad I got it a little earlier.” He pressed me up against the passenger side door. “I know you aren’t a bad girl…” His voice rumbled low in my ears. “But didn’t you say something about skipping school once in a while?”

“Are you asking me to skip with you, Jake Kelly?” He smelled like clean soap, mint, sweat: Jake. I loved it. I couldn’t resist him. Just as easily as I’d pushed Saxon away, I pulled Jake in. “I think I will.”

“Where’s your coat?” Jake pulled me around to the passenger’s side.

“I left it at school.”

Jake looked at me questioningly, but he didn’t press. “Well, let’s go and get it.” He helped me into the truck and got in on the driver’s side. It was sexy watching him drive. Jake was the kind of guy who was born to drive. It was probably genetically programmed into him to be an amazing driver, and he did it really well, like it was no big deal. We pulled around the school and he parked, hopped out, and threw my bike in the back. Then we drove to Frankford and Jake walked in with me. He handed me a hall pass.

“Where did you get this?” I stared at the little green pass.

“All county high schools use the same ones.” He smiled sheepishly. “I swiped mine from the front office at the beginning of the year.”

I shook my head and filled them out. We shouldn’t have worried about it. The halls were empty. We headed down the back hall to my locker and were ready to leave two minutes later, when a familiar voice broke through our self-enforced quiet.

“Hey Jake.” Saxon leaned lazily against the wall. His eyes flicked to me. “Blix.”

It was like he’d appeared out of nowhere. Jake threw him a stony look.

“We were just going, Saxon.” I shoved my arms into my jacket and grabbed my backpack from Jake’s hands. Jake had that weird Jekyll and Hyde gleam in his eye.

“Wait. I’ve got something to say to Saxon first.” Jake stomped close to him. “Stay away from Brenna, you lying bastard.”

Saxon didn’t even cringe, and Jake looked big and fierce.

“I’m pretty sure Brenna can determine who she wants to be around for herself, Jake. Or don’t you trust her?” He looked at me, his smile menacing and gorgeous. “I mean, you two are always honest with each other, right? No lies. No half-truths.”

“Shut your damn mouth!” Jake yelled and slammed Saxon up against the lockers. “You always had that ability, didn’t you?” He was right in Saxon’s face, and Saxon traded his lazy look for a predatory snarl. It was impossible to tell who was more furious. “You could turn any situation in your favor. You could make anyone swallow your bullshit and believe it was the truth. Not me, not anymore.”

“You don’t know anything,” Saxon spat, shoving Jake back. All of his cool completely evaporated and was replaced by a boiling swell of emotions. “I watched your back, brother. I kept you out of trouble.” Saxon shoved Jake again.

“You introduced me to every stupid thing I ever did.” Jake growled, grabbing a fistful of Saxon’s shirt and shaking him hard. “I should have lost you years ago. You’re a parasite.” Jake opened his hands and let Saxon go.

After a few heavy breaths, Saxon’s cocky smile came back out. He straightened his shirt and shook the hair out of his eyes, then ran a look from my head to my toes that made a blush burn on my skin. “Whatever. But don’t think you’re going to tell me who to like or not. And we’ll let the lady decide in the end. Best man wins?”

His look was all swaggering arrogance. I was torn between fear that he’d tell Jake the secrets we had and the urge to do it myself. I hated that he knew he had a stacked deck. Jake was furious, his fists balled.

“Come on, Jake,” I willed him. “If a teacher finds us, we’re all screwed. Let’s go now.”

“I’ll call you later, Brenna.” Saxon grinned and smacked his lips at me in a kissy face.

Jake was at him in a split second, his fist flying through the air and straight into Saxon’s jaw. I heared the thick thud of skin and bone crashing against itself.

“Jake!” I cried.

Just then a teacher appeared at the end of the hall. “What’s going on down there?”

Saxon stood up woozily and moved his jaw back and forth a few times. “Nothing. I was just headed to calculus.” He pointed up. Before he walked away, he spit a tooth on the floor.

“You two, get a move on!” the teacher snapped, looking absently at our passes. I bent down and grabbed the tooth before he noticed it. We ducked into the stairwell, waited a minute, the slid out the side doors while no one was looking.

Jake and I ran back to the truck. He still opened my door, though I would have preferred for him to step on it and rush a little.

“Have you been talking to Saxon?” Jake asked, his voice cold.

I sighed. It was truth time. “I want to tell you…”

Jake cut in. “Never mind, Brenna. That’s exactly what Saxon would want. Me to doubt you.” He shook his head. “That prick. He knows what he’s doing five moves ahead of everyone else. Don’t even acknowledge I just asked you anything.”

I clamped my mouth shut and held it shut. What else was I supposed to do?

“You hit him really hard,” I said softly.

“I’m sorry, Bren.” He leaned his forehead on the steering wheel and shook his head from side to side. “I dropped my basket. I know it. Are you alright?”

“Sort of.” I felt tears prick my eyes. “I’ve never seen you just lose it like that.” I opened my fist. Saxon’s shiny white tooth was in my hand.

“Saxon’s tooth.” Jake swallowed so hard I could see his Adam’s apple jump.

“That was pretty Biblical of you, Jake.” We both looked at the white calcified piece of Saxon.

“A tooth for a tooth. Holy crap.” Jake shook his head. “I guess I should just let it go with Saxon now. I’m sorry you’re in his classes. I’m sure I made this a shitstorm for you.” He pulled out and drove slowly, focused on the road and all the thoughts I’m sure were running through his head.

I unclipped my seatbelt, slid to the middle, buckled the lap belt, and leaned against Jake’s upper body. He felt good and solid under my cheek. I dropped the tooth into the rusted ashtray.

“Don’t worry. It will be fine.” I hoped it would be. I debated telling Jake about the government project, but I didn’t know if I should. I didn’t know if maybe I should just bury it with all of my other Saxon secrets. It was hard to know.

We drove for a while and finally pulled into a local state park overlook. The lot was completely empty. Below us was the spread of trees, gold and red and orange in the afternoon sun. Jake turned the engine off and grabbed an old blanket from the back. He took my seatbelt off and made me lay down on his lap, my head nestled against the muscles of his thighs. He ran his hand along the lines of my face.

“My race is in a few days,” he said in the quiet of the cab.

“Are you excited?” I tilted my head to look up at his face.

“Yeah,” he said, but his voice was a little dull for Jake. “I don’t really know if I’m ready.”

“Maybe you should practice. Is that how it works?” I rubbed my hand under his shirt, along the hot, soft skin of his stomach.

“Yeah.” He laughed, but it was muted. “But I don’t have a lot of time now. I’m bumped to full time at Zinga’s. Just getting the day off for the race was a big deal.”

“So, no weekends together for a while?” My heart sank a little.

“Sorry, Bren. But now I can drive you back and forth to school.” His palm scratched along my cheek, and I pushed my face against it.

“Jake, I can’t take rides back and forth with you.”

“Why?” His voice was clipped, because he knew the answer.

I sighed. “Mom will not be cool with it. And you’ll be going out of your way. It’s too much time added on to your day.”

His hand stopped for a few seconds, then he started rubbing my head. “You were pretty pissed at me when I said I didn’t want to go farther, uh, physically.”

“Yeah.” I felt a deep hussy blush. “Sorry.”

“You are not.” He looked down at me, his wide grin. “It’s okay, you don’t need to be. I should have been more sensitive about your feelings, and I wasn’t.”

I sat up on one elbow and craned my neck to look at him. “This isn’t an apology, is it?”

He shook his head and said, “Nope. It’s a point. If I’m going to try to respect your wishes even though it makes me uncomfortable, shouldn’t you do the same for me?”

“So you want me to be cool with you getting a lot less sleep and spending a fortune in gas?” I crossed my arms, annoyed.

“Yeah, Bren. And I’ll try to be cool about you throwing yourself at me.”

I slapped him on the arm, and he laughed. I sat up and twisted myself around so I was facing him, and then nestled myself on his lap, my legs on either side of him and my knees pressed on the worn seat. The steering wheel was close at my back, so I was squashed against Jake.

“I’ll let you pick me up tomorrow.” I ran my finger down his nose and to his lips, then pressed on them to keep him quiet. “But you have to wait at the end of the road for me. I’m not going to have this fight with Mom. And I promise I will ask her if you can pick me up on Saturday.”

He kissed my finger. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” I warned. “It’s a trade.”

He closed his gray eyes and groaned. “What do you want?”

“A lot of guys would be happy to have such a shameless girlfriend,” I balked.

“Well, I’m not one of them,” he growled. “We don’t have to rush things. There’s plenty of time.”

And behind his caution for me, I could see a caution for himself. It had never really occurred to me how nervous this all might make him.

“Are you nervous?” Way to go, super-direct Brenna.

“Maybe I am,” he said, his smile a little embarrassed. “When you’re drunk, you always have this feeling like you’re the man. But maybe I’m not the man, you know? Maybe it was all an illusion.” His hands moved up and down on my back, rubbing in wide circles through my hair and shirt.

“I don’t have a lot of experience, but I think you’re better than your hype,” I said honestly.

He kissed me softly. “Thanks. I want to be good for you.”

“You are.” I pressed against him.

“But?” he asked, his voice husky.

“You could always improve. With practice.” I leaned my head to kiss him. My hair fell forward and brushed his face. His hands moved up my back and slipped up my neck then under my hair. He cradled my head, kissing me softly and surely.

He pulled back. “What do you want, shameless hussy?” He kissed my nose.

“What I did for you,” I demanded, trying to keep my voice from wavering. Because, of course, I was nervous.

He kissed me harder then, rubbed his hands over me, moved them under my shirt and beneath my bra. I pressed against him and his kissing got erratic, his lips rubbing my face, cheeks, and neck. He moved his head down and pulled my shirt up. He looked at me, his eyes worried with questions. I nodded.

He pulled my shirt over my head, unsnapped my bra without fumbling and pulled me closer on his lap in the chilly afternoon light. His hands were on my back. He rubbed up and down slowly and made my skin a rash of goosebumps.

He looked at my body for a long time. His hand shook when he brought it up to my breast, his fingers careful on my skin. I felt a shiver erupt over my skin where he touched me and where I wished he would. Without looking away, Jake reached for the blanket and draped it over my shoulders. I saw him swallow hard before he moved his head down and kissed me on my breastplate. He leaned his forehead against me, and I felt his breath warm on my skin. Then he was kissing, kissing all over, and it was really good. I leaned into him, and just when I thought it couldn’t feel any better, he opened his mouth and sucked on my nipple. I could feel it get wet and hot between my legs, and that was becoming familiar to me now. His hands cupped my breasts and his mouth licked and kissed me, then sucked hard and once in a while he pulled away and groaned. He was hard.

I rubbed my body against his, not completely sure what I was doing, but just going on what made me feel good, then better.

His mouth still on my breasts, Jake slid his hand down and undid the button on my jeans, then slid the zipper down. He moved his big, rough-skinned hand down, underneath my underwear line. My eyes opened wide when I felt his fingers slide against me. He pushed them in deep, where I was completely wet, and then slid out and rubbed against where I felt most sensitive. He pulled his mouth away from my breasts and watched me closely. His fingers moved around, sometimes feeling uncomfortable, sometimes feeling so good, it made me close my eyes and pant a little. He took his cues from me, repeating whatever made me squirm and grab hard at his arms. Soon he had set up a rhythm, and I felt like his hand was some kind of key, unlocking something I had always wanted to feel, but hadn’t known how to get at. And then there was the feeling I had yesterday, but this time it shook my whole body. It felt like every muscle in me clenched hard, then relaxed and melted. I cried out and threw myself against Jake.

He pulled his hand away, and I lay against him, breathing heavily.

“Are you alright?” he asked into my hair.

“I think I came.” My body felt like I had just stepped out of a warm bath or plunged down a log flume or eaten the most amazing piece of chocolate cake with whipped cream, or maybe all of those at once and better. It was weird and awesome all at the same time.

He laughed. “Yeah. I could tell.”

I laughed too. “I love you, Jake.”

“I love you, too.” He kissed my mouth, then found my bra and held it up, at a total loss for what to do with it. “Um, I have no idea how this goes on.”

I laughed and shrugged it over my shoulders, then reached around my back and snapped the clasp back in. “You’re an old pro at taking them off, aren’t you?”

“I can’t believe you put it back on that fast.” His hands turned my shoulders so he could look at the closed clasp.

“I wear one every day, Jake. When you first wear one, most girls put it on backwards, then move it around.”

“But you’re a pro now.” He ran one finger under my strap.

“I’ve had boobs for about four years.” I cupped my pink polka-dot bra covered ones in my hands. “They’re not much, but I like them.”

“They’re really nice,” Jake said, a blush on his face. He smiled at my laughter. “Seriously, they’re the most perfect boobs I’ve ever seen.”

I laughed giddily as Jake pulled my shirt over my head. I loved him, and it felt so good. My body felt new, the way it had after a few months in Denmark with a different diet and exercise, but this change had been almost instant. I felt like me, but better.

“You’re still hard.” I kissed his neck.

“No way.” He lifted me off of his lap and sat me back on the seat. “It doesn’t always have to be about me. I haven’t always been able to stop when I needed to. This is good practice.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re just a chicken.”

“Because you’re such a temptress?” he said softly, his hand on my cheek. “God, you’re so pretty, Brenna.”

And it was definitely the perfect thing to say. Because I melted right there and stopped arguing with him, and we kissed for a long time. In fact we kissed for so long, I lost track of time entirely.

“What time is it, do you think?” I blinked in the warm, low sun.

He checked his cell phone. “Wow. Time to go. Now.”

We rearranged ourselves into normal sitting positions. Jake turned the key and the engine purred with a loud rumble. He started to pull out of the parking spot, then looked over at me. “Where do you need to go?”

“Wait a minute.” I pulled out my phone and dialed my mom.“Hey Mom.” I wondered if her mom radar would be up. I wondered if she’d know I spent the afternoon letting a boy kiss my breasts instead of going to class.

“Hey baby,” she said absently. “I’m headed to the office to get some things in order. Class starts Monday.”

“Oh, you should go and get ready. I was just going to say I think I might go out for cross country after all. They have tryouts this afternoon.”

“Good, honey. I’m glad you’re getting into a sport. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

“I hope so.” I stopped. There was so much I should tell her, so much I felt uncomfortable keeping from my mother, the woman I loved and respected more than anyone. But there was a rift between us now that would never close. She and I would never be as close as we had been, and as sad as it made me, I knew it was all just a part of growing up and letting go. “Anyway, I’ll take the late bus probably. But I’ll have my phone on.”

“I can come pick you up, honey. I don’t have to stay late here if you need me.” Mom’s voice was sweet and pleasant on the line.

“Don’t worry about it tonight, Mom. I don’t really know the schedule, so I can’t even tell you a time yet. But I might need a ride once I know how things work.”

Mom sighed. “Alright, sweetie.”

“What’s wrong, Mom?”

“Nothing,” she said, her voice high and tight. “Sometimes I just wish you were a little girl again and we spent all day together.”

I blinked against the scratch of tears. “Mom, I love you. You know that.”

“I do,” she said, and I could hear her smile. “I love you, Brenna.”

“Let’s do something on Sunday.” I really wanted to spend some time with her, just the two of us together.

“That would be really nice, baby.”

We said our good-byes and I slumped back in the seat. Jake looked over at me expectantly.

“You alright?”

“Just feeling sad. Just missing hanging out with my mom all the time like I used to. But it’s stupid. I mean, I’m happy with how everything is now. I’m just being stupid.” I took two quick swipes at my eyes with the backs of my hands to sop up the tears.

“It’s not stupid at all. I know how much your family means to you, and I’m sorry you guys haven’t been able to spend as much time together as before. That sucks.” He looked ahead to give me time to dry my tears in peace.

“I’m going to Frankford,” I said, needing to change the subject. “I’m trying out for cross country.”

He looked over at me and smiled. “So you decided? You’re definitely trying out?”

“Yeah. I’m really good at distance running. Anyway, with you and Mom and Thorsten working all the time, I need to do something to keep myself busy.”

“Sounds good.” Jake slid me a look that was all sexy mischief. “Do you wear those really short shorts?”