Текст книги "Junk Miles"

Автор книги: Лиз Реинхардт

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

“I’ll ask Mom, but I’m almost sure it’s a go. Can you hang out later?” I know it was selfish and shallow, but I wanted her to see my dress.

“Yes!” she cried. “If your mom’s cool with it, I can come over Sunday.”

“Perfect.” Jake worked all day Sunday at Zinga’s. I would still get to see him after his short shift on Saturday.

I went to find Mom when I got off of the phone and ask about the other prom. She was practically bursting with maternal pride.

“Two proms? That’s wonderful, sweetie. It will be so much fun for you!” She pursed her lips.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s just…the dress.” She took a deep breath and sighed.

And I felt my heart sink a little. It was kind of a ta-da dress. Not really one I’d want to wear twice in two weeks. Or, more to the point, not one I’d want to wear in front of my friends and another guy and also for Jake.

“It would be crazy to buy another one,” I insisted, stifling Mom’s eager, wide-eyed suggestion-to-be. “Maybe I have something in my closet,” I suggested, though super formal wear wasn’t really something I had in abundance.

“Oh, I do!” Mom cried. “I have something perfect! Come on.” She pulled me up to her room.

Mom and Thorsten’s room was huge and airy. There was just the big white bed, two blonde pine dressers and a big matching armoire that had their TV in it. Some of Mom’s black and white pictures were hanging in silver frames. Most of them featured me.

She led me to the walk-in closet she and Thorsten shared; or, more appropriately, the big walk-in closet that she dominated. Thorsten had about a foot of space for his whole wardrobe, and Mom’s stuff popped out everywhere else. She pawed through hangers, holding things out now and then and rubbing them appreciatively before she moved to the next thing. Mom was a little bit of a fashion fanatic, so she had a ton of great stuff. Finally she gave a happy shriek and pulled something out.

“Look, Bren. What do you think?”

It was perfect. It was a Mandarin style dress, form-fitting red silk with butterfly closures at the neck. It looked like it would fit.

“I love it.” Before I knew it, Mom stripped me down like I was six years old and had the dress wiggled over my head. It fell in a whoosh of fabric that rubbed against my skin like flower petals. She spun me so that I was facing the mirror on the back of her door, and I took my own breath away.

The dress for Jake’s prom was pure princess loveliness, but this dress was hot siren sexiness.

“You look incredible.” Mom gave me a quick, hard hug. “I have the perfect black pearl drop earrings. I love it.”

Mom decided that the waist needed to be taken in a little, so she pinned me and then got me out of the dress and shooed me away so she could sew.

When I got to my room, I caught my phone on the last ring.

“Hello,” I gasped.

Jake laughed, and I felt a low, sweet heat in my stomach. “Hey, Bren. Were you running?”

“When I heard the phone.” I unzipped the bag over my dress and trailed my fingers over the tulle. “Mom and I got a killer dress for the prom.”

“I can’t wait to see you in it. What’s the color?”

“Blue. Light blue.” Then I imagined a horrible fake blue rose wrist corsage. “That doesn’t mean you have to get me a blue flower, you know.”

He laughed again. “Don’t worry. Nothing tacky, I promise.”

And I felt a tiny smidge of guilt when I worried that he wouldn’t know for sure if something was tacky or not.

“So, about prom…”

“Yeah?” I could hear him attempting to keep it cool, be calm, not jump to conclusions, but the remnants of the past few months still had our nerves scraped raw.

“Frankford’s is a week after VoTech’s, and Nate, from Folly, his date just cancelled on him. Kelsie told him I didn’t have a date.” I was not about to ask permission. But I was also letting him know. Getting the balance perfect wasn’t easy, but I was working on it.

“Do you think seeing this wannabe rocker in a tux will make you fall in love? Or lust?” Jake’s voice was mostly joking, but there was a sliver of seriousness in it.

“Absolutely not. He’s not remotely my type. Though it iskind of sexy that he’s in a band.”

“Did I ever tell you I played the flutaphone when I was in third grade? My music teacher said I had real potential.”

“You never told me you rocked a plastic recorder! Why did you give it up?” I inwardly cringed at the memory of my entire class whistling shrilly on our toy instruments. How had our music teachers been able to stand it? Not to mention our parents.

“After I mastered ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb,’ nothing else really inspired me. I think it was a mistake to put ‘Three Blind Mice’ after ‘Mary.’”

I laughed. “So you traded your rockstar aspirations and became a motocross freak?”

“Music didn’t have enough danger for me.” Jake chuckled. “I might have to shake this Nate character down before you go out with him. You’re ridiculously hot in everyday clothes. I don’t really want to think what you’re going to do to this poor guy when you’re all dressed up.”

“No shakedowns. Nate’s a nice guy, and I don’t want you freaking him out,” I warned. “And you know you can trust me.”

Jake didn’t hesitate for a single beat. “I know that.”

“Thank you.” I didn’t have to say it, but I liked him to know that I did appreciate his willingness to trust me, even after I’d screwed up.

“No problem. So, can I see you tomorrow night? Or do you have a meet or a practice or something?”

I was technically part of the spring track team, but since distance was my thing, I didn’t really shine, so it was easier to wiggle out of things like practice.

“I can get off. Do you have something particular in mind?” I fell back on my bed and listened for his voice.

“Nope.” I could hear his smile through the phone. “Just a lot of you.”

“Sounds good.” I felt like I had to clamp my mouth shut to keep from blurting out the truth about his father. I just hated this last thing between us, especially since it was also a thing between me and Saxon. Again. “Maybe we can go pick up a shirt and tie and shoes,” I suggested.

“And socks. I know you’re picturing my big white tube socks.”

“You would look like a fool.” I was all serious now. He thought it was hilarious, but I really, really didn’t.

“Bren, who the hell would be looking at my socks?” he asked, and he sounded serious, but I couldn’t be sure.

“Jake, you can’t have a fantastic suit and then ruin it like that.” I tried to stay calm.

“God, you get so serious about fashion. I better step up my wardrobe if I want to keep in your good graces.” I could hear for sure that he was kidding now.

I tried to put the issue of Jake’s father out of my mind already. He wasn’t here, he wasn’t part of Jake’s life, and Jake didn’t need him. So what was the point of getting all crazy about it? By the time we said goodnight, I was resolved to leave it alone, just like I had been leaving it alone without any problem all these months.

Chapter Twenty

The next two weeks went by fast, and before I knew it, it was prom night. Mom had scheduled a hair appointment in the middle of the day on Friday. VoTech had given a half day, anyway. There was no point in trying to keep everyone around after lunch on the day of prom, so they just gave in and made the skips sanctioned.

Mom and her hairstylist, Darlene, discussed my do over my head while I got a pedicure, which I had never had and was heaven. Mom’s stylist desperately wanted to give me highlights, but my mother put her foot down and said no. They did agree on lots of curls and twists and they argued happily over hair pins. I also had my makeup done, and it looked good, like my version of sexy but heightened. By the time mom and Darlene finished their cappuccinos we barely had time to get back to the house and get the dress on.

I checked my reflection in the mirror under the sunvisor in Mom’s car. I looked really beautiful. I imagined all of the girls in all of the schools across the country doing the same thing on prom night; looking at their reflections and seeing a more beautiful version of their everyday selves. Maybe that was why there was so much sex on prom night. Maybe it was just the byproduct of the heightened vision of ourselves that we got that night.

Before I could sort out the American teenage sexual motivation, we were home and Mom was hurrying me in. I almost had a heart attack when I heard tires crunch in the driveway, since I was far from ready, but it was Thorsten. He’d left work early to see me off. And he’d picked me up a new memory card for my camera. Who could ask for a better dad?

Mom shooed him away and put the dress over my head, then slid the heels onto my feet, careful to maneuver around my French pedicure. She tweaked and pressed and pinched and then I was done.

And she was teary-eyed.

“Oh, Brenna.” She held my hands and pulled away to look at me. “You look so beautiful.”

Then Thorsten came in and started snapping pictures until I heard the crunch of gravel again and knew that it was Jake. I felt my heart beat fast and my breath came quick.

Jake!

Mom and Thorsten left me to get the door, and I peeked out of my room. He looked amazing. He looked like he should wear a suit every day. It fit perfectly, and the brown was a great color on him. I had picked him an ivory button-down and a blue tie. He had dress socks and new shoes, good Kenneth Cole shoes that were expensive, but Jake didn’t even bat an eyelash. He promised he would put himself completely in my hands when it came to fashion.

Which was a smart move on Jake’s part.

Mom was going wild, pulling at his jacket and oohing and aahing over the hand-stitched mother-of-pearl buttons and the real silk lining. Jake laughed good-naturedly.

I put on a last spray of perfume and some more lipstick, then double checked my reflection. I looked like I could have been at a ball for the French aristocracy, pre-revolution. I took a deep breath and stepped out of my room.

“Holy shit.” Jake’s mouth swung open. Mom and Thorsten looked at him in surprise. “Sorry. Excuse me.” Jake turned bright red. “But, seriously, wow. She looks amazing,” he said softly to them.

Which was sneaky and smart. Because Mom and Thorsten forgot that Jake just swore and got all teary over me. Then they placed us in front of the fireplace and took pictures, and moved us outside, in front of the azalea bushes and snapped more.

“You look so beautiful,” Jake said lowly against my ear.

“You look pretty great yourself.” I squeezed his hand. He smiled, then held up a cardboard box.

“Your corsage.”

And if I had to describe why Jake was so completely, unexpectedly perfect, I could have done it shallowly by explaining what was perfect about the corsage. It was a cream colored orchid with just a little bluish purple inside of it, just enough that it hinted at my dress color. It was a wrist corsage, but he had asked that the florist put a ribbon over the rubber bracelet piece that holds it on your wrist. So when he slid it on, he could tie it and it looked gorgeous and old-fashioned and simple. And absolutely perfect.

I could have been easily talked into skipping the whole prom and just making out in his truck for a few hours, but Jake had no such deviant thoughts, at least that he was letting me know about. I kissed Mom and Thorsten, and we waved as Jake’s truck pulled out.

“I’m excited. This is going to be a good night. I like your necklace,” he added.

It was the silver ’B’ he’d given me for my birthday that fall. I replaced the ribbon with one that matched my dress, and it looked great. And I had on my posey ring, the one I didn’t take off anymore.

“I’m excited, too.” I wasn’t about to admit just how willing I had been, seconds before, to ditch the whole prom thing and just make out with him.

The place was a good half an hour away. Sussex County didn’t offer many upscale venues, so we had to go to nearby rich Bergen to find a really nice banquet hall. It was well worth the drive. The place was old and stately and gorgeous.

Jake pulled in and came around to open my door. He helped me out and then kissed me.

He put a hand on his chest and shook his head. “I swear to God, you look so beautiful it makes my heart hurt.”

“Thank you.” I smiled and blushed, and smoothed my hands over my skirt. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it.” He pulled me to him. “I love you.”

His mouth moved over mine hungrily, and I felt his hands tighten at my waist like he was willing himself to keep them right there and not go roving. I smiled a little, realizing that he was just as eager to roll around in the truck as I was. Finally he pulled away, his mouth smudged with lipstick. I found a tissue in my purse and blotted his mouth, then put more on my own lips in his rearview mirror.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Hell, yeah.” He folded his hand in mine. “Let’s go.”

The coolest thing about prom is seeing people you see a thousand times at school in their everyday clothes, but all decked out in their fanciest dresses and tuxes, dancing and going crazy. It’s like an alternate reality that lasts just one night.

I didn’t know the kids at Vo Tech as well, but I knew enough people from hanging out with Jake that I was comfortable there. Jake was obviously really proud and wouldn’t let go of my arm when we walked around and talked to everyone.

My heart jumped a little when I saw Nikki glaring from across the room. She was wearing a tight black halter dress. She looked really sexy and really pissed. For a minute, I was nervous that Saxon had come to prom with her, but that thought passed pretty quickly. He told me that he and Nikki only hooked up once or twice after the breakup, before they both got bored and moved on. She was here now with some guy I vaguely remembered from a motocross race Jake had been in.

“Hey Jake.” She made an attempt to brush past me. Jake pulled me next to him before she could.

“Hi, Nikki.” He was careful to keep his voice polite but uninterested. “You know Brenna. My girlfriend,” he said pointedly.

“A bunch of us are going to the shore after prom. Wanna come?” She pushed her considerable cleavage towards him. She was completely ignoring the fact that I was there.

“No thanks,” he said and started to maneuver me away. “Sorry,” he said in my ear.

And I tried to hold it together, because tonight was already great and Nikki was just a blip, and I had started everything when I broke up with Jake and threw myself into Saxon’s arms, so I had no just cause to feel what I did.

But I felt it. My entire body went shaky.

Jake noticed, grabbed my hand in his, and led me outside where there was a quaint garden, some fountains, koi-filled manmade ponds, and the requisite twinkle-light-lit gazebo.

“Are you alright?” He smoothed his hands over my arms.

I nodded and blinked back tears.

“Really?” He cupped my chin and looked into my eyes.

“It’s just skanky to think that you…had sex with her.” I said it, even though I knew it was going to tear through some of the night’s romance.

“I wish I hadn’t,” he said adamantly. He took his hands off of my face and stuck them in his pockets. “I wish you hadn’t broken up with me.”

Maybe he wasn’t blaming me, but maybe he was. I wasn’t sure, and it didn’t really matter after all.

“But it was different.” I felt like I should just stop talking about it, but I couldn’t.

“I know.” His mouth was hard. “You didn’t have sex with Saxon.”

“No.” I shook my head. “It’s different because I cared about Saxon. I wouldn’t have risked anything between you and me with someone I didn’t care about.”

“You say that like what you did is better than what I did.” His eyes were a little angry.

“I guess I think it is. I wouldn’t have done anything with Saxon unless I cared about him. I wouldn’t just jump into bed with someone I didn’t even have feelings for.”

Jake shook his head. “Do you hear what you’re saying, Bren? You cared about him. Probably care about him. Trust me, it’s easiest if I just don’t think about it too much. Sure, I had sex. And I regret it, I really do. But I can’t care about anyone else. Sex with someone you don’t care about is nothing. Literally less than nothing. But just having feelings for someone else, even if you never hold their hand, that’s something.”

It was what Saxon had told me. That even if we never acted on it, just feeling what we did was an act of cheating because I wasn’t being honest about my feelings with Jake.

Jake grabbed my hand and yanked me along the little stone path, over the bridge, up into the gazebo, away from the crowds and sat me down on one of the little benches. “What you did, it really broke my heart.” His voice was scratchy. “And I understand why you did it. And at that time, I wanted you to understand how bad you hurt me, so I hurt you the only way I could.” He ran a hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration. “I couldn’t connect with someone like you and Saxon connected. I slept with Nikki because I couldn’t open up to any other girl. I couldn’t force myself to feel anything about another girl like I feel about you. There’s only you, Brenna. I’ve been with so many girls and have never felt even a little bit of what I feel for you. So I’m sorry, but that’s the only way I had to show what I felt. I don’t expect you to completely understand.”

I did understand, as well as any virgin could. Because I had felt that lack of anything real when I had been physical with Saxon, but we hadn’t pushed it that far. We hadn’t actually had sex. Jake had. Again.

But he had been honest, and he had explained it to me the best way he knew how. So I tried to explain to him what I had done, the best way I could.

“What I felt for Saxon,” I said, then stopped. “What I feelfor Saxon is a kind of attraction, but it isn’t love, Jake. I love you. And I do care about him. He is someone who I feel connected to. But I couldn’t love him. Not even when I tried. It was always you. I never loved anyone the way I love you.”

He kissed me, and I could feel the relief like a sigh from his mouth. “I love you, Brenna.” He kissed me again. “And I’m glad we talked. But this is prom. It’s supposed to be fun. So, let’s go dance, alright?”

I followed him in because I wanted to repair the night and because he was excited and because I wanted to apologize and be apologized to. Those thoughts were all swirling around in my head, so I wasn’t thinking too much about Jake being excited to dance.

But he did dance, and I was shocked at how good he was at it. I always had a feeling he might be a little bit of a natural, but he’d said he was too nervous to try. Something in him was completely, adorably unleashed, and he danced really well.

I hadn’t danced like this since that night in Paris, and I thought for a minute about how odd it was that I was wearing the same silver heels again, this time to dance with Jake. But I didn’t think about it too much. We danced to the fast songs, Jake drawing a cheering crowd around us. He had to take off his coat and cuff up his shirtsleeves. I could feel the pins loosening from my hair and knew my professional makeup was probably a little runny, but we both kept dancing through the set, right until the first slow song. Jake didn’t miss a beat.

I was in his arms and he was dancing me around the room with ten times more style than the other awkwardly swaying couples.

“Jake!” I cried. “Where did you learn to dance like that?”

“ Si tratta di un segreto,” he said, pulling me in to kiss him.

“Italian? Dancing? What’s going on? Are you trying to seduce me?” I asked, pulling away.

“ Si, il mio amore.”He smiled. “I learned to dance from the only person I could ask, other than you.”

I shook my head, unable to fathom who he could have asked.

“I asked Saxon, Bren.” He looked at me closely.

Jake always managed to shock me, but this was way beyond. I stopped cold on the dance floor, creating a sudden traffic jam, but I didn’t care.

“What? Saxon? Why Saxon?” I felt nervous, though there was no real reason to feel that way.

“Do you remember the day I tried on my suit?” He gathered me back into his arms and moved me out of the way of the oncoming dancers.

“Yes,” I said, my voice soft. The day I wanted to tell him about his father. How could I forget it?

“And you knew about my dad. I could see it on your face.”

I stopped again, and now the other couples were starting to mutter with annoyance. It was just bad dance-floor etiquette on my part. Jake led me out of the ballroom, to the now-full gardens where our classmates were in various stages of full on grinding and face sucking. Jake led me to a more secluded section.

“I wanted to tell you,” I rushed. “I really did. But I didn’t think it was my right. It was Saxon who told me the whole thing. I didn’t know what to do about it, Jake. I’m so sorry.”

He took my hands in his and kissed my knuckles. “Don’t be sorry. I get it. I get all of it. The truth is, I’ve known for a long time.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I was blown away. Totally and completely at a loss. He’d known? All along?

He shrugged. “How do you talk about something you’re not even supposed to know? Plus that, who do I talk to it about? Saxon can’t handle it. My real dad bailed, my mom is dead, and my step-dad probably already feels like he got dealt a pretty shitty hand, so why rub it in, you know?”

“You could have told me,” I said, not really sure if I wanted to hear why he hadn’t told me.

“I thought about it. But when I thought about your situation, I figured you’d be the last person who I could tell about it. Once I knew about your real dad, it helped me let go.”

“Of what?” I moved closer to him on the little bench.

“Of this idea I had that there was someone out there who really loved me. God, that sounds so fucking sappy. But my mom, whatever crap Saxon says, my mom loved me. She was just kind of irresponsible. And my step-dad stepped up, but he can’t love me, and I really don’t blame him. So I had this idea that my real father would give a shit about me. Which makes no sense, since he never even bothered to admit I existed.”

“So you want to meet him?” I put an arm around his waist. He put his arm around my shoulder, and I leaned my head on his chest.

“I did. Then I met you. And I realized that everyone gets dealt a hand, and mine has been parentally shitty. But I think that maybe my crappy family luck got balanced out, since I got you.” He kissed my forehead.

I don’t think anything anyone had ever said to me made me feel more loved in my entire life. “You think I’m what you got because your mom died?” I could feel the tears in my throat.

“No. I mean, I don’t think she had to die for me to get you. That would be insane. I’m saying that being with you helps me see that I don’t need to have perfect parents. No one gets it all.” His fingers trailed up and down my shoulder and arm.

Then I thought about my great parents and Jake. And even Saxon. I felt a jarring sucker punch of guilt.

It was like Jake knew what I was thinking. “Even you, Bren. Your real dad left you high and dry. But he made room for Thorsten, right? And who could be a better dad than he is?”

“That’s true.” I craned my neck to look at Jake.

“And I want to tell you, about the other girls, but don’t get pissed, okay?” I nodded wordlessly, and he took a deep breath. “They didn’t mean anything because they were just holding a place until you were there. But I didn’t have much, as far as affection went. So a body to sleep next to and someone to hold for a little bit was a big deal for me.”

I realized how he must have gone virtually untouched. No mother to hug or hold or be near. A step-father who was at best only resigned to his unfair fate as provider. Jake had been completely alone and those girls had offered him some comfort the only way he could get it.

I put both my arms around him, trying to make up for all of his lost opportunities. “I’m here. I’ll be with you.”

“I’m hoping you will.” He left a trail of kisses along my forehead.

“When did you figure it all out?” I squeezed him tighter.

He laughed a little. “Saxon tried to tell me a couple of times when we were younger. Once he got out this huge ass hunting knife.” He pulled his hand out and splayed his fingers out wide, pointing to the skin between his thumb and index finger. There was a long silvery scar there. “He sliced our hands up and said we were blood brothers one night when we were just kids. His dad, our dad, I guess, had just left and he was kind of a basket case. Anyway, we fell asleep and I went through his wallet. The picture of the three of them was in there. I knew because my mom had a picture of him, too. She showed me it before she died. So I knew.”

“Are you mad? Or upset?” I looked at his face, but, as usual, it was serene and happy.

“No way. I’m lucky.” He pulled me up and kissed me hard.

“Does Saxon know? That you know?” I whispered.

“No. But it makes it all easier. For me to get a grasp on. I mean, he’s my brother, right? So I can hate him and love him at the same time.” He rubbed his hand on my back in soothing little circles.

“I think he’d be happy if he knew you knew,” I said carefully.

Jake shrugged. “I’ll wait for him to tell me. Saxon’s got a lot of hang-ups. And now that you and I are back together, it’s gotta kill him a little.”

“I don’t want to come between you and Saxon.” I sat up and looked Jake in the eye. “You’re brothers.”

He laughed, that soft, low sound that I loved. “Bren, blood or not, you’ve been the best family I’ve ever had.”

I felt a lump in my throat. “But I screwed up, big time.”

“Well, I can’t really fault you.” He gave me an unreadable smile. “I mean, you have good taste. And these genes must be irresistible to you.”

I laughed a little. “Does it make it weirder for you? That Saxon’s your brother and he and I…”

“I don’t love it,” Jake cut in. “But, it makes it easier for me to understand what the hell you saw in his loser ass.” He paused. “I’m guessing it’s whatever you see in my loser ass.”

And we both laughed, and I finally felt good, light, and happy. We went back inside and danced more and ate and when Jake nudged me out way before the last dance, I was happy to follow. He had one of my mixes in the CD player in his truck, and it wasn’t long before he found somewhere to park. I unbuckled my seatbelt and slid over to his side, kissing him excitedly.

“You look really beautiful tonight,” he said between kisses. “Like Cinderella at the ball. No other girl looked half as pretty as you.”

“You look very hot yourself.” My fingers pried at his already loosened tie. I pulled it over his head and worked his buttons free. I put my hands on the hot skin of his chest, then right over his beating heart. I laid my hair-sprayed, stiffly curled head over that pounding heart. The heart that I protected.

He kissed my sticky hair, moved lower and kissed my forehead, kissed my cheeks, my mouth, my neck. My big blue dress seemed to fill the entire interior of the cab.

“I love this dress. I love that you wore something so pretty just to come out and dance with me.” He batted away some of the never-ending length of tulle.

“I love you.” My voice was thick with the emotion I felt. I loved him so much, my heart bucked in my chest.

Jake laid me down on the long, narrow bench seat and kissed every inch of skin that wasn’t covered with shimmering blue fabric. Since that didn’t include much of the top half, Jake moved down to the bottom section and kissed my ankles, bound in the silver straps of my shoes. He kissed along my calves, smooth from my extra vigilant pre-prom shave. He kissed up to my knees, which were strangely ticklish, then his head moved up farther, and I couldn’t see anything but misty swaths of blue tulle. He pulled his lips off of my inner thigh and said, “Are you okay?”

I could feel the blood hammering in my head, and I had to swallow hard before I answered. “Yes.” It was high-pitched and didn’t sound exactly like my voice.

“If you don’t want it…just tell me. Okay?” His voice was low and quiet.

Maybe it was all the cloth between us, but I didn’t feel nearly as nervous this time when Jake pulled my underwear down my hips, then over my knees, then around my shoes. His mouth was right at the inside of my thigh, right where the skin was soft and smooth and rarely ever touched. Then he kissed just a fraction higher. I sucked my breath in and felt my hips buck on their own, anticipating what was coming next. I bit my lip a little to contain all of the excitement that was bubbling in me.

“Are you okay?” he repeated, his voice calm and reassuring, a voice I could trust no matter what.

I told him I was, because as nervous as this made me, I was more curious about it, and I knew if there was one person on this earth I would be comfortable exploring my curiosity with, it was Jake Kelly.

“I’ve never done this,” Jake confessed suddenly, his face still obscured by all my dress.

“Never, um, gone down on a girl?” I felt my face pink just from saying it.

“Yes,” he said into the fabric. “I wanted…I wanted my first time to be with you.”

“That’s what I want, too.” I bit my bottom lip again as he rubbed his face against the inside of my leg, his breath hot on my thigh.

Then we stopped talking and his mouth was up higher than my inner thigh, and he kissed me where it seemed impossible that anyone would kiss and it felt incredibly better than I could have imagined, just his lips and me in this entire world. Everything we had ever done before had been just as perfect as I had imagined, but this was a different kind of excellent. I loved the way his mouth felt on me, warm and wet and insistent. His tongue drew along my skin and I wanted to scream out how good it felt. Then he licked quickly and I felt myself sinking into an oblivion that was only Jake’s mouth and my body, laid out in front of him and waiting for him to do whatever he was going to do next. My mind went fuzzy. For a minute the reality of the cool night and the cab of the truck and Jake Kelly and his mouth all rushed back and I almost snapped out of it, but his tongue moved slowly and my mind blurred.

My hands dug at the leather of his truck seat. His hands were around my thighs, his fingers pressed into my skin. I could feel his hair brush against my leg as his mouth opened and pressed against me. There wasn’t enough air for me to breath, and once the air rushed back, I couldn’t pull it into my lungs fast enough. Jake’s kisses became rushed and needy, and after a minute or two it was just complete and total bliss. My body shook from it, and I half sat up, my teeth set against how good it felt.