Текст книги "Love Unspoken "

Автор книги: Lisa DeJong

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

WHEN I WAKE UP, the bed is cold and bright sunlight shines through the window blinds. I reach behind me, feeling nothing but an empty bed.

I listen for a sound—water running, footsteps—but I hear nothing. Curious, I rub my eyes then open them slowly to guard them against the morning light. My dress lies against the back of the chair where I left it last night, but all signs of Pierce are gone.

Moving my eyes to the clock, I’m surprised that it’s past nine. I throw the covers back and roll out of bed. Pierce is with Wade, probably telling him that we’re off the project, and I can’t let him do that. We’ve both worked too hard to get here.

In less than ten minutes, my hair is pulled back, my teeth brushed and a belted royal blue dress covers my skin. Not the way I’d usually approach work when I’m in the middle of a high stakes business deal¸ but all that time and effort won’t mean anything if Pierce gets his way.

I grab my mood board and make my way out to the busy street. With no time to waste, I flag down my own cab, ignoring two bellboys who repeatedly ask if I need help.

I open the door to the first little yellow car that stops and slide onto the torn leather seat. “Where to, miss?”

I ramble off the address, focusing my attention out the window. The morning traffic is easier to navigate now than it would have been an hour ago. If luck is on my side, I’ll get there before the damage is done. I changed my life and dreams for a man once, and I promised myself I would never do it again. I want to think I’m stronger than my emotions … that my mind can overwrite anything my heart feels.

My theory is about to be tested.

I see Wade’s high-rise up ahead, but traffic has us locked up. “I can walk from here.”

“It’s not safe to cross in this—” he starts, but I cut him off by handing him a rolled up twenty; double what I owe him.

“Thank you,” I mutter, opening the door closest to the sidewalk. Traffic is a mess. Horns honk. Two cab drivers yell at each other out their windows. I carefully weave my way between cars, making sure I’m seen along the way. By the time my heels touch down on the other side of the street, my heart’s beating so fast, I feel like I might pass out.

But there’s no time for that.

Without pause, I open the door to Wade’s building, sprinting past the woman who sits at the front desk, straight to the elevator. The wait for the doors to open is agonizingly long. All I can do is pray that I’m not too late. Pray that Pierce hasn’t done something that can’t be undone.

The door opens and closes with only me inside. I will it not to stop until we reach the floor with the conference room I’ve come to know so well.

I run out as soon as the door opens. My heart pounds faster as I cross through the waiting area, and this time, I don’t get past the receptionist without her calling for me to come back. I block her out, continuing down the long hall toward the conference room I loathe. Nothing good ever happens in there.

My fingers turn the knob just as I hear the receptionist’s heels coming closer. I sprint inside before it’s too late. My eyes lock on Pierce first. He looks annoyed, angry even. And Wade just smiles as if he just won the lottery. It’s a good thing they’re sitting on opposite sides of the table.

“I’m sorry. I tried to stop her!” the receptionist yells as she steps in the room.

Wade lifts his hand. “It’s okay. Ms. Fields is welcome to join our little meeting. Isn’t that right, Stanley?”

Pierce scowls, but I ignore him, placing my things on the table.

The receptionist retreats, probably just as afraid to be in here as I am. “Okay, let me know if you need anything.”

Wade leans forward in his seat. “I was hoping I’d get to see you one more time before you two skip town. It’s too bad you’re pulling yourselves off the project. I was looking forward to working with you.”

His gaze skims my breasts as he talks, but I have more important things to worry about. “Actually, I have no intention of stepping down as the designer for this project. I hope you’ll keep me on even if Pierce decides not to continue.” I pause, glancing over at Pierce. His jaw ticks back and forth, and there’s probably nothing more he’d rather do right now than drag me out of this room and out of this town. “I worked hard on this. It’s all I’ve done the past few months.”

Pierce rises from his seat, coming to stand in front of me. His legs are planted wide, arms crossed over his broad chest, blocking Wade out of my view. “It’s a done deal. There will be other projects.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I’ll build a hotel for you myself if I have to,” he whispers.

Seeing the wounded look on his face almost makes me want to give in, but then Blake wins. Wade wins. “I’m in this with or without you.”

“We’re a package deal, Lila. He’s not keeping you if I pull my half of the funding.”

“That’s not true,” Wade interrupts. “Contrary to what you might think, your money didn’t buy her a position. Ms. Fields is talent with or without you.”

Pierce’s hands curl into fists. “I wasn’t inferring that I bought her anything Wade. I won’t let her stay on this project without me because I don’t trust you or that other bastard.”

“That’s a shame. Aren’t new relationships supposed to be based on trust?”

Wade’s attitude is almost enough to make me change my mind. But then again, I’m better than that … than him.

“Our relationship is none of your business.” He turns to Wade giving me a second to catch my breath. “Give us a couple minutes, okay? When I’m ready to put up with you again, I’ll let you know.”

“Have you forgotten you’re in my conference room?”

Pierce steps forward. He’s got a few inches on Wade, but Wade isn’t fazed. “Don’t test me any more than you already have this morning. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings to rearrange your face, and I happen to know you’re quite fond of your face and the ego behind it.”

“My ego doesn’t give a fuck if you stay on this project or not. Remember that.” They stare each other down for a few seconds before Wade disappears out the door, slamming it hard enough to shake the artwork.

I stare at Pierce’s back, afraid to move, too afraid to speak. I’m being selfish by asking him to stay on this project. We have something so new—so fragile—and all he’s trying to do is protect it. I may end up ruining it all just to prove something to myself.

“Pierce,” I say quietly, wanting him to come back to me on his own terms.

He stays quiet, slowly tearing my heart in two.

“I can do this. I bet we’ll barely see him, and even if we do, I’ve moved on. He shouldn’t matter to you.”

He turns back around and grabs my arms, leaning in until we’re eye-level. “I saw the look in your eyes last night. He matters to you, Lila. He still matters to you. Damnit,” he seethes, gripping my arms a little tighter, not causing me pain but relaying his frustration. I’m choking on my own guilt.

I swallow, uncomfortably, searching for words. He’s right, mostly. Blake matters to me—what we had can’t be easily forgotten—but the man standing in front of me matters too. How do I get him to see that? “Do you remember what I said last night? That should mean something to you.”

His eyes are glued to mine, but he stands speechless.

“And, it wasn’t just words. I meant every part of it. I’m falling for you, Pierce.”

His hands come up to the base of my neck, thumbs caressing my skin until his palms cover my cheeks. He tilts my head up and presses his lips to mine, punishing and possessive. He’s fighting to be with me just as I’m fighting to be with him. We face different obstacles, but as long as we want the same thing, we can do this.

He softens the kiss, skimming his lips over mine twice more before pulling away. His eyes show some of the sparkle they lacked earlier. “I meant what I said, too. Those words held more meaning than they’ve ever held before.”

“So, do you trust me? Can we do this?” I ask, my voice begging.

He closes his eyes and pulls me in for one more kiss. It’s answer enough. “I trust you. If you want to continue on this project, you’re doing it with me by your side.”

“It’s a deal.”

Wade chooses that moment to walk back in the room. I can tell by the look on his face that he’s disappointed to see us locked in an embrace. There’s no doubt in my mind he planned all this.

“I see everything is good in paradise now,” he jokes. “Where does that leave us?”

Pierce winks at me before turning his attention to Wade. “The project will go on as planned, but you, my friend, better watch yourself because this project doesn’t mean shit to me.” He stops, glancing back at me with a smile. “But it means everything to her, and she means everything to me.”

“Someone is getting a little soft in his old age.”

“Don’t let my kindness fool you, and don’t fuck with me again.”

Wade’s cocky grin falls. Inside, I’m smiling. He deserves every second of it. “I take it you’ll be at the planning meeting this afternoon then?”

“We’ll be there.”

After grabbing some brunch, Pierce and I retreat back to the hotel to regroup before the afternoon meeting. The only thing I want to do is curl up in the comfortable bed and drift off to sleep. This morning was draining, and the thought of having to be in the same room with those two again in a few hours is frightening.

Pierce stands next to me outside my hotel room, smiling. “Can I join you?” he asks.

“Don’t your moods ever wear you out?” I ask.

He shrugs. “You’re a woman. You should know what it’s like.”

I sock him in the arm, but it’s the truth. My moods change daily like the weather outside. “I guess you can come in, but all I plan on doing is showering and taking a quick nap.”

His hands grip my hips, pulling me into his body. “You didn’t shower this morning, did you?”

I shake my head.

“You still smell like me,” he whispers, lips brushing my cheek.

“I guess I do,” I answer back, feeling a tingle between my legs. His whisper sings the song of sex.

“Since you’re tired, maybe it would be best if I help you in the shower. It’s the least I can do after the morning you had.”

My body trembles just thinking about his hands on me … all over me. “It would make up for the problem you caused. I’m still a little mad that you left me alone in bed. I was cold and lonely.”

He grabs the key card from me, opening the door with one hand while keeping his other arm wrapped around me. The door slams shut, and he lifts me in his arms carrying me to the bathroom. He sets me on the edge of the counter then turns the shower on. I’m in awe over the size of his heart. He doesn’t just tell me that there is nothing he wouldn’t do for me; he shows me every single day.

You can fall in love.

You can be in love.

Or you can simply love.

And, the best type of love is felt before it’s spoken. It elevates your soul and fills your heart. I’m falling hard, and it just … it just feels right.

I watch as he undoes his cuff links and quickly unbuttons his white dress shirt. I ponder reaching over to help him, but instead I enjoy the show. As he slides his shirt off, I look into his eyes. They’re glued to me, and I can’t help but be stuck on him. I hear his belt hit the floor then his zipper, but my eyes are still on his.

He steps between my legs, running his long fingers up the inside of my thighs until he reaches my panties. His thumbs curl around the edges, carefully pulling them down. The way he does it—slow, methodical, letting his thumbs brush my inner thighs—drives me absolutely crazy.

Next, he pushes my skirt up, leaving me completely exposed. I scoot to the edge of the counter wanting him inside of me so badly, I could almost scream. Instead, he slides me off and pulls my dress over my head, leaving me in nothing but my bra.

“Pierce, I need you to touch me,” I beg, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He remains silent, pulling my arms away and pinning them behind my back. He uses his leverage to bend me back enough to give him full access to my covered breasts. Leaning in, he bites my nipple through the fabric. I yelp. He does the same to the other side before carving a path of kisses down the center of my chest. I rub my legs together to relieve the ache, but it’s pointless. He’s the master of my body; he controls my desire and release.

My bra falls to the ground and I’m lifted into his arms and placed in the oversized, steam-filled shower. Tiny droplets hit my back as I wait for him to join me.

He surprises me, taking a seat on the bench rather than joining me. “I want to watch you,” he says, resting his head against the tile.

“I thought you were going to help me,” I groan, the ache between my legs building just staring at him naked.

“When the time is right,” he answers, a huge grin lighting up his gorgeous face. He hands me a bar of soap, purposefully brushing his fingers against mine. “Soap up, Lila.”

I follow his instruction, soaping my arms, back, stomach, and legs. His lips part when I rest one foot on the bench, opening myself up to him. I glide the bar between my legs, back and forth watching him. I brace my hand against the shower wall and close my eyes, rubbing faster—harder. My tongue darts out to lick my lips. I’m so close … so damn close.

“Stop,” he commands, wrapping his hand around my wrist.

“Please,” I beg. “I need you inside me. Please.”

He stands up, and in one swift move, he has me sitting on the bench staring up at him. He spreads my legs, sitting on his knees between them. Water drips from the ends of his bangs, falling to his lashes and rolling down his cheeks. I couldn’t want him any more than I do right now.

He pulls me to the edge of the bench, forcing my back to arch with my head resting against the tile. “I give you pleasure. Only me,” he growls, circling his thumb between my legs as he presses his lips to the inside of my thigh. “Your scent is so sweet.”

I grip his long hair between my fingers. “Pierce, please,” I beg, pulling his hair gently. He buries his head between my legs and works his tongue against my sensitive skin, occasionally tugging to cause the most painful, yet pleasurable experience I’ve ever felt. I cry out as the first orgasm rocks my body. He pulls me up holding me against the shower wall as he pushes inside of me, feeling the ride he’s taken me on.

“You’re so fucking perfect,” he groans as I come down from sweet bliss. His strong arms hold my legs up as he pumps into me. I fall apart two times before he finds his release.

“I’ve never been with someone who’s so amazing at everything,” he breathes as he slowly tries to regain his composure.

I smile, burying my head in the crook of his neck. “Where did you learn to do that?”

He laughs. “Probably not what you want to hear, but I’ve had experience.”

I lift my head. Lila Fields actually feels a hint of jealousy, and she doesn’t like it one bit. “And where do I rank?”

He kisses the tip of my nose. “If you have to ask, we may have to do this all over again because I don’t think I made it clear enough.”

“It was the best,” I answer, honestly. Not for one second did I feel used … I just felt love and desire.

“Same for me.” I watch the water hit against his back. I think about what it would be like to do this every morning with him. To have a guy who worships me, who understands my tough exterior only hides a damaged soul.

He knows what I need and when I need it.

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE never going to pick up your phone,” Mallory says when I call her back after twelve missed attempts on her part.

“I’m on a work trip. It’s not like I’m sitting on the beach sipping pina coladas.”

“How are things going?” she asks, cutting the meaningless bullshit short.

“Not too bad so far. I mean … the trip has had a few ups and downs, but nothing I can’t handle.” I sit up, pulling the sheet up over my breasts. Pierce left a few minutes ago to prepare for the meeting we have this afternoon.

“Have you seen him?” she says, quietly.

“Yes,” I answer back, the emotion I felt when I saw Blake creeping up in my voice. “When you said he was here, I didn’t want to believe you.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you about something like that.”

I pause, thoughts whirling in my head. The one that’s plagued me the most is the one I can’t let go of. It’s more a question than a thought, and the answer scares me to death. “Why did he take the job?”

“He’s been in hiding for months. I think he was just ready to get back to a somewhat normal life. He’s been working on himself … he’s been working hard to become the man he used to be before Alyssa.”

My heart clenches every time I hear her name. Her end ripped two men apart, and like an earthquake, there are lingering aftershocks. “Did he know I’d be on the project? When he took it, I mean.”

She breathes heavily in the phone. “He loves you, Lila. He may not show it. He may not say it. But he loves you, and he wanted to make sure you were okay.” She pauses, and I don’t know if I want her to continue. She’s said enough in the last thirty seconds to complicate my life as it is. “He called me … last night, and that’s how I know he’s grown. As much as he wants you, he wants you to be happier even more than that.”

“Stop!” I yell, feeling the tears welling in my eyes. “He can’t do this to me. I just started to put myself back together, Mal. I … I can’t do it.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I’d known before he signed on, I would have talked him out of it. Are you going to stay on the project?”

I wipe the moisture from under my eyes. “Yes, I worked too hard on this to walk away. Pierce tried to put an end to it, but as of right now, we’re still on.”

“Pierce is a smart guy.”

I smile even though a tear slides down my cheek. “He’s a really smart guy. I, um, I told him I’m falling for him.”

“Holy shit! Are you serious?”

“Yes, and I meant it. You should see the way he is with me. He told me he loved me, but it wasn’t necessary. He tells me in everything else he does.” Thinking about him momentarily wipes Blake from my mind. Pierce should be the only guy who resides there.

“Wait, did you sleep with him?”

“We slept, we made love, he fucked me. We’ve done everything, and I still want more.”

“So, Blake has no chance?” she asks, voice low.

“He lost his chance months ago. I can’t open myself up to that kind of hurt again.”

She sighs. “I get it.”

Glancing at the clock, I realize I only have twenty minutes before we have to leave for the meeting. I should at least attempt to go in better shape than I did this morning. “Look, I have to run. We have another meeting this afternoon.”

“Call me later if you get a chance.”

“It might be tomorrow morning if that’s okay. Pierce changed our flight home to tonight. I think he’s had enough.”

She laughs. “Can’t blame the guy. Look at you—smart and sexy.”

“Shut up.”

“Awe, love you, too. I can’t wait to see you in a couple months.”

“I already have that night marked off so we can order Chinese and curl up on the couch with a movie.”

“Add some wine, and I’m in. Bye, Lila.”

“Bye,” I answer back before ending the call and throwing the phone onto the center of my bed.

Today is the day I present to the group, and I need to look sure of myself … sure of my work. I pull on a pair of cropped black pants that hug my curves in all the right places. The waist is higher than I’d usually wear, but they work perfectly with the sleeveless black and white striped blouse I tuck into it. After taking a quick glance in the mirror, I unbutton the top three buttons, leaving just a peek of cleavage. I top it off with the simple diamond pendant necklace my parents bought me for the wedding that never was.

With little time to spare, I use my curling iron to add a few light waves and comb my fingers through it. Some powder, mascara and lip-gloss are all I need to finish the look.

As I am pulling on my black heels, someone knocks on the door. Pierce and his perfect timing, I think to myself.

He whistles as soon as the door opens. “Wow. Are you sure you don’t want to skip this meeting, fly home early, and spend the rest of the night wrapped in my bed? I think that sounds really good right about now.”

I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him. “Meeting first, wrapping later,” I whisper against his lips.

His arms circle around my back, hugging me to his body. “At the rate we’re going, we may not even make it home. Thank God for private jets.”

At the rate we’re going, we’ll be lucky if we make it out of this room.

I pull back enough to look up into his dark gaze. If there’s any question how much he wants me, it’s answered in his eyes. “Let’s get this meeting over with. The sooner we’re done, the sooner you get me alone again.”

He squeezes me so tightly that my feet leave the floor. “God, I’m lucky.”

He’s perfect … absolutely perfect.

My overactive nerves make the ride go by quicker than I would’ve liked. I repeat the basis for my design over and over in my head, hoping that when tons of eyes are watching me, my mind won’t go blank.

“You ready for this?” Pierce asks as our car pulls in front of Wade’s building.

I’m as green as they come, and I’m about to present to a group of professionals who’ve all been in the business for years. I’ve never been one for public speaking, but it’s not for lack of confidence in what I do—it’s the fear that the wrong word is going to spill out. That someone might ask me a question, and I’ll freeze up. That even though I love everything about this design, they’ll hate it, and my misread will cost Pierce millions.

His hand cradles my cheek, caressing my skin with the pad of his thumb. “It’s flawless. Your whole design … the concept. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.”

Closing my eyes tightly, I lean into his touch. His words, the tone of his voice … calm me instantly. I open my eyes, finding myself staring right into his. “I’ve got this,” I say with a genuine smile.

He kisses me, letting his lips linger on mine just long enough to slow my racing heart a little more. He’s good at that.

When we break apart, he climbs from the car taking the mood board with him. As usual, he holds his hand out to me, but instead of letting it go, he grips it tightly in his as we make our way inside. He doesn’t let up in the elevator or on the long walk down the hallway that leads to the conference room.

He lets go to open the door, and I inhale deeply. No going back, now. Like a zombie, I walk across the room. My eyes survey the people crowded around the table, but I’m looking through them, not at them. Pierce pulls a chair out for me, and I take it grateful there’s an open one next to it for him.

It’s a room of suits—mostly men—and almost every set of eyes is on me. This is what it must be like to be a tiny droplet of water falling on a drought. I definitely prefer being amongst the pouring rain.

“I think it’s time for us to get this thing rolling,” Wade announces from the head of the table. The mere sound of his voice sends my nerves back into a complete tailspin.

He starts by going around the table to introduce everyone. I listen off and on, remembering some names, not hearing others.

When he’s done, his eyes meet mine. He smiles sadistically, almost as if he’s predicting my failure. I wonder if that would make him happy? I twist the cap off the bottle in front of me and swallow down as much as I can before he starts up again.

“Lila Fields is working with Stanley Enterprises. I’ve contracted with them to complete the design on this project. I haven’t seen what she’s got in store for us yet, so I’m going to let her take the floor.”

Pierce squeezes my knee and whispers, “You’ve got this” before I stand with the mood board, making my way to the easel. Multiple sets of eyes burn holes in my back as I set it up, standing with my back to them a little longer than necessary. It’s good; if it weren’t mine, I’d say it was brilliant.

After inhaling one last cleansing breath, I plaster a smile on my face and turn to the crowd.

“The goal is to develop a hotel unlike any other in New York,” I start, purposefully glancing over everyone’s heads at first. “We don’t want travelers to simply choose it because it’s the newest or the best … we want them to come to New York just to experience The Hotel on 5th.

The longer I speak, the further down my eyes go. I see some smiles and even a nod, but not everyone is there yet. “Modern, clean lines are in right now, but what if we took that and added some dimension. What if we created something that can easily be converted to modern in any era? I present to you The Hotel on 5th.”

I first show the rendering of the front and then move to the lobby. I explain the layout, the colors, the concept, and when I’m done, I see acceptance. Pierce smiles wide, brushing his finger over his lips as he listens.

“Because we want the hotel to be more of an experience than a place to rest your head, it will only have seventy-two rooms, six per floor.” Before I can show the group my drawing of how I envision a guest room, the door clicks open. I ignore it until I see the smile drop from Pierce’s face.

“You’re late,” Wade says, gesturing to the last empty seat.

My stomach clenches when I get a glimpse of him. He’s impossible to ignore in this group, wearing his signature faded blue jeans and t-shirt. He’s impossible for me to ignore. Period.

I look back to Pierce who’s trying to kill Wade with the fire in his eyes. I continue, wanting to do whatever I have to in order to get out of here. “Each floor will have a slightly different feel, so you can stay multiple times and feel like you’ve experienced different parts of New York.”

My eyes float again. Words spill from my lips with little effort thanks to many hours of prep, and when I’m done, I breathe a sigh of relief. I want to be back in Chicago. I want sanity.

“Does anyone have any questions?” I ask, holding my breath in hope that I’ll be out of this room within a couple of minutes.

Wade starts. “I like the idea of having all rooms essentially be suites, but can we cut the top floor from six suites to two penthouses? For celebrities and such.”

I look at Pierce, and he nods. His cheeks burn red, and I swear he’s going to hurl himself across the table at any minute.

“Yes,” I answer. “We can make that happen.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Before we meet next time, I’d like you to draw up what they may look like.”

I nod, rocking back and forth on my heels. Just when I think it’s been silent long enough to sit back down, Blake opens his mouth. “And what if the art I have in mind doesn’t fit this concept?” he asks.

“Then I suggest you start on some new pieces,” I snap back, smiling to hide my contempt.

“Hmm,” Blake chides, pulling a folded up piece of paper from his pocket. “My contract states I get a creative opinion. That I’m to work with the designer for the best possible result.”

I open my mouth to reply, but Pierce beats me to it. “Wade, we need to talk in your office. Now!”

Wade shrugs, the cocky grin never leaving his face. “Excuse us for a few minutes,” he says, slowly rising from his chair.

Pierce walks toward me, the whole time I’m hoping he’ll take me by the hand and lead me as far away from here as possible.

He rests his hand on my shoulder. “I’ll make this quick. Stay put,” he whispers.

I disagree, but I’m not going to argue in front of these people. He knows that. This whole thing was bad fucking idea.

The door shuts behind them. The room is dead silent. I almost wish someone would throw another question at me, but it’s not often I get what I wish for.

“I’m going to take a quick break,” I announce as I head for the door. As soon as I hear it shut, I feel as if I can breathe again. I take a couple turns, looking for anywhere to hide for a few minutes.

“Lila, wait,” Blake says from behind me. I quicken my pace until I see the Ladies’ Room door. I open it, but before I can lock it, his strength forces me back. I’m now locked in a small room with the one person I was running away from.

“You need to leave.”

“And, how do you plan on making me do that?” he asks, leaning back against the door.

“I don’t have to make you. You’re good at leaving all on your own,” I say, my choice of words a reminder of everything I’ve been trying to forget.

He steps toward me.

I step back.

We repeat in rhythm until my back hits the wall. “I need you to stay away from me.” My voice shakes as my heart beats against its shield.

His right forearm rests against the wall, caging me in. “I didn’t have a choice.”

“We all have choices.”

“You wouldn’t be with him right now if I’d stayed. Admit that much.”

His body isn’t touching mine, but I can feel its warmth. It’s driving me insane. “But you didn’t stay, and what we had … it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s part of the past—a broken past—and you can’t fix it.”

He stares down at me with the familiar eyes—the ones I fell so hard for. I remember some of the good times, and I begin to melt … the tears start to form. You don’t forget love. You can fall out of it, but you never forget it.

“I don’t want to fix it,” he finally says, leaning in a little closer. I smell the mint on his breath and have to turn my head to gain back some of my control. “I want to build something new. If I can’t have you the way I want to, I’d rather be your friend than nothing at all.”

“I can’t trust you.”

“I can’t live without you.”

“I’m not yours.”

He sighs, using his index finger to turn my face back toward him. “I said friends, Lila. That’s all I’m asking for.”

“I’m not changing my concept.”

He smiles for the first time since I’ve seen him this week. “See, that’s the good part about being friends. Friends compromise.”

“But,” I say, forming my own smile. “You’re the one who needs to gain my trust. I think you need to bend a little more. Show me how serious you are.”

He laughs. “There’s my Lemon Drop. God, I’ve missed you.”

My smile falters as I slip out of the cage he’s had me in. “You can’t do that,” I say, my hand firmly on the doorknob. “You can’t bring up the past. It—”

“Stings. I know, Lila. I fucked up, and there’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t remember the look on your face when I walked out of the apartment that night. There’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t wish I’d done everything differently. They always say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone, but I knew what I had, and I didn’t think I deserved it. I’m sorry, Lila. You may not want to believe me, but I’ll live with my regret for the rest of my life.”