Текст книги "Love Unspoken "

Автор книги: Lisa DeJong

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

BLAKE DIDN’T COME HOME last night. After what happened in the past, it’s something I should have come to expect.

Things got hard.

He ran.

This is all of my worst nightmares coming true at once. Alone. Pregnant. Lost. Unloved.

Life more than sucks sometimes.

A knock sounds at my door causing me to jump up from the kitchen table. I grab my purse and luggage, heading to the door in my carefully chosen silver flats. I’m exhausted. My breasts feel like they’re going to either explode or start on fire. Sore feet don’t need to be added to the mix.

I open the door, and Pierce immediately reaches for my luggage. “I can get that for you.”

“Thanks,” I say, trying my best not to cry over his simple, kind gesture. My hormones are already making me crazy.

After locking the door, I follow him down the steps, through the door, and into the waiting car. It’s just enough time to pull myself together. A Starbucks cup waits, and for just a moment, I smile. My whole world hasn’t completely gone to crap yet.

“Where’s Blake this morning?” he asks as the car speeds down the city streets.

“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. I never even got a chance to tell him I was leaving today instead of tomorrow.

“That didn’t take long.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, spinning the coffee cup over and over in my cup holder.

“For him to walk out again.”

“He just had some things to do. He’ll be back.”

Pierce laughs sadistically. “Everything is a competition to him, Lila. He only wanted you because I had you. You can sell his sincerity to yourself a hundred different ways but none are worth buying.”

“You don’t know us, Pierce.”

“No, but I know him, and I know you. I was rather good at addition back in school. This is simple math.”

I slouch down in my seat, unwilling to listen to anything else he has to say. Pierce shouldn’t enter judgment when there’s so much he doesn’t know.

The silence continues as we board the plane and wait for the pilot to get the all-clear. Pierce overstepped his bounds, but I can’t decide if I’m upset about that or the fact that he’s right about some of it.

I couldn’t imagine leaving someone after they just told me they were carrying my child.

I also can’t imagine losing someone I loved for years the way he did.

Maybe Blake and I are like a complex math problem, but there are factors Pierce doesn’t know. Factors I don’t know.

Pierce holds a glass of champagne out to me. “This will make it better.”

But it won’t because I can’t drink it. “No thanks. I’m not feeling very well this morning.”

“I know it’s him,’ he says. “I’d say I told you so, but I know my voice doesn’t speak louder than your heart.”

“Can you just leave it?”

“I’m sorry. We should probably be preparing for the meeting and not this.”

The plane takes off. We sit quietly, staring out our windows. I try to think about work, but it’s a blip compared to everything else going on in my life. Not having alcohol for the next nine months might kill me.

“Why aren’t you married?” I ask out of the blue. I’ve wondered that for a while—why a woman wouldn’t have snatched up Pierce Stanley by now.

“I’ve had a few serious relationships, but none of them have lasted long enough to get to that point.”

“Why not?”

“You tell me, Lila.”

I lift a brow, sipping from a bottle of cold water. “How would I know?”

“You’re one of the few.”

If that doesn’t make your heart sink, I don’t know what will. I’ve been with him twice. I’ve left him twice. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but I’ve never met a man more deserving of a true love.

“It wasn’t you,” I finally answer. “I think love has a lot to do with the order in which people walk into it. We all have many people we could love—who we could fall in love with—but it all comes down to who we find first. I’m guessing some of the women you met just weren’t the right match or weren’t deserving of the type of love you give. Blake wove himself into my heart first. Once that happens, it’s hard to get untangled. Not impossible, but difficult.”

Pierce throws back the rest of his champagne, quickly pouring another glass. “Are you sure you don’t want some of this?”

Waving him off, I say, “I’m fine.”

Another long pause. “There’s never going to be a morning I wake up and don’t regret not doing more on that flight from Omaha to Chicago. Or wish I didn’t call you sooner,” he says sadly.

Tears well. I want to hide them, but it’s impossible. “A time may come where I wake up every morning wishing you had, too.”

The rest of the ride is quiet. I sip slowly on water while Pierce downs almost a whole bottle of champagne. If it has any effect on his abilities, he doesn’t show it as he helps me out of the plane and into the waiting car.

This is the first time I’ve ever flown somewhere for just a few hours. We’ll meet with Wade then hop right back on this plane.

“Is he going to like the penthouses?” I ask, needing something to break through the silence.

“I love the penthouses.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“Who gives a fuck about Wade’s opinion?”

I sigh, staring down at my watch. “You’re drunk. We should get something to eat quick before we head off to the meeting.”

He laughs loudly. “I’m not that drunk, but if you’re inviting me to lunch I won’t refuse.”

I’d yell at him, but this is my fault, too. I ask the driver to drop us off at a sandwich shop near Wade’s office. Maybe if I can just get a little food in him and buy some time, we’ll get through this. If I put an inebriated Pierce anywhere near Wade, one of them is bound to die from manual strangulation.

“The Carnegie Deli for lunch?” he asks, shaking his head. “This might be the only meal we get while we’re in town.”

“It’s the only thing we have time for. The meeting starts in less than an hour.”

“It’s okay to be late to a meeting every once in a while, Ms. Fields.”

I snort. “Yes, I’m sure that will make him appreciate my penthouse designs even more.”

After picking up two sandwiches and water, we find a place to sit.

“There’s something different about you today,” Pierce remarks as he takes his seat. “Did you color your hair or something?”

I shake my head, taking a careful bite of my sandwich. Plain turkey shouldn’t upset my stomach too much. Pierce is too freaking smart even when he’s had too much to drink. My hair hasn’t changed, but my breasts are swelling more and more every hour.

His eyes slant. Sooner or later, he’s going to figure it out. Lila likes to drink. She likes to wear pencil skirts that hug her tight from her stomach to her knees. Pregnant Lila isn’t going to be able to hide for long.

“How’s your sandwich?” I ask, just pulling pieces of bread from mine. The meat is not sitting well.

“It’s sobering me up if that’s what you were trying to do.” He grins, but the cocky look quickly disappears.

My skin clams up as my stomach goes from mildly nauseated to a full turn. Without a word, I run to the bathroom, barely finding an open stall before losing the little bit of food I ate. Sweat rolls down my forehead. I rip a handful of toilet paper to wipe it away, making sure the nausea settles down before I stand back up.

After fixing my make-up and quickly brushing my teeth, I rejoin Pierce who eyes me cautiously from across the table. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asks after a seconds long staring contest.

“I’m just nervous about my presentation this afternoon,” I lie.

“He’s going to eat it up.” The way he looks at me tells me he isn’t sold. He’s never an easy sell.

I nod, doing my best to look anywhere but at the uneaten food on the table. “Should we get going?”

“We can walk if that’s okay with you. He’s only a couple blocks from here.”

“Some fresh air would probably be good … as fresh as you can get in New York, anyway.”

Pierce picks up my portfolio and tucks it under his arm. He’s defined asshole, but he’s also defined gentleman.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about him?” Pierce asks, tucking his free hand in his pocket.

“That would be a little weird, don’t you think?”

“I just don’t like seeing you like this again.”

“Thank you for caring, but we need to draw a line somewhere in our friendship. He’s off limits.”

We step into the elevator. Just the two of us. Instead of standing beside me, he stands in front of me, swiping his thumb under my eye. “You missed some mascara.”

“You don’t have to be so nice to me,” I say, trying to avoid looking right at him. Two minutes before a meeting is not a good time to cry.

“I don’t know any other way to be with you.”

The elevator door opens before I can say anything more.

We quietly walk down the hall and into the empty conference room. I take a seat and pull my phone out, partly to avoid talking to Pierce, but mainly to see if Blake has been trying to get ahold of me.

Nothing, so I take the initiative.

Lila: I’m in NYC. Didn’t get a chance to tell you.

It shows as read right away, but he doesn’t type a response. Maybe he’s relieved to have me gone. Tonight, I’ll go home to an empty apartment, and we’ll start our old cycle all over again. Only this time, I’m not going to let him spin me in circles. This isn’t a game; this is life … my life.

Wade walks in, all smiles. “Good to see the two of you again.”

“I’m hoping it will be the last time for a while,” Pierce chides, unbuttoning his suit jacket. He sobers up well.

“I guess that depends what you have for me.”

I clear my throat and stand, making my way to the revised board. My stomach churns, but it’s hard to say whether it’s nerves or hormones. “I redid the penthouses … a few times actually. I think what I’ve come up with will appeal to most wealthy travelers while still keeping a sense of fun.”

I pause unintentionally, my whole mind freezing up. There’s too many personal things weighing on it for me to even pretend that this matters to me today. “I gave the rooms a rustic-modern feel. Rustic furniture with clean lines as well as all the modern amenities people have come to expect.”

I step to the side to give him a better look. He takes in every detail, face expressionless. My whole future hangs in the balance.

“Explain to me why we’d have wood planks around the fireplace instead of tile or rock.”

I swallow hard. “It fits into the lobby and gives the room a rustic feel. I even thought it would be great if we did wood-burning fireplaces instead of gas. Room attendants could help when a guest wants a fire.”

“We’re not putting together a proposal for Vail or Aspen, Ms. Fields.”

My eyes well with tears. Hurt feelings and hormones are not a good combo. My stomach churns like it did earlier in the plane. “Excuse me,” I say, running out of the room, disappearing into the same bathroom I sought refuge in last time we were here.

This time, I lock the door to ensure no one visits unexpectedly. It’s only then that I take a few deep breaths. The same thoughts repeat over and over in my head: Wade hates my designs. I’m going to be a mom. Wade hates my designs. I’m going to be a mom.

My phone dings in my purse.

Blake: When will you be back?

I debate if I should answer him or just leave him wondering. He leaves me wondering a lot, but I still want him. We tend to always crave what’s worst for us.

Lila: Late tonight.

Several seconds pass.

Blake: We need to talk.

Lila: I tried to last night.

I picture him sighing, running his long fingers through his hair while pacing whatever room he’s in.

Blake: Tell me again. Give me another chance.

Before I can think of a reply, there’s a heavy knock on the door. “Lila, are you in there?”

I wipe my eyes, inhaling a deep breath. “Yeah, just give me a couple minutes.”

Stepping out of the stall, I check my make-up, patting my forehead with a paper towel. I would give anything to not have to step back in that conference room again. But the reason people make money in business is because it isn’t easy.

When I open the door, Pierce is standing on the other side, hands in his pockets, forehead wrinkled. “I’d ask if you’re okay, but I already know the answer to that.”

“I’m not in the mood to be picked apart,” I say, studying the pads on my fingers.

His arms wrap around me, pulling me into his chest. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that, but we need to go back in for a few minutes to wrap up. I told him if he screws with you like that again, I’m going to take him for everything he’s worth. Can’t promise it will help, but I’m not beyond knocking his teeth out.”

“I’m going to need some chocolate after this,” I mumble against his dress shirt.

He laughs, running his hands up and down my spine. “I know just the thing that will make you feel better.”

“Is your mind in the right place, Stanley?” I tease, needing to lift about 100 pounds of pressure off my back.

“My mind is exactly where you want it to be,” he answers back.

Without another word, he loosens his grip on me and holds my hand in his to walk back to the conference room. Wade chats away on his cell phone, only looking back up for a brief moment when we walk in.

Ignoring the aura he gives off, I stand next to the mood board waiting for the meeting to resume. It gives me a couple minutes to decide what I want to say. Pierce walks the room, glancing at the art pieces Wade has displayed. As soon as Wade says goodbye, Pierce takes his seat, smiling at me to loosen my nerves even more.

“I’m glad you decided to rejoin us,” Wade says with a smile only the devil could match.

“Where did we leave off?” I ask, deciding I want to avoid the fight he wants to start.

He rests his forearms on the table. “I was picturing your design in Colorado.”

“Oh yes, you were being a jerk. Not sure how I forgot that,” I hit back.

Pierce raises his hand. “Let’s move on. Ms. Fields and I have a plane to catch soon.”

“Fine, Stanley, I’ll cut the bullshit. I like the design, and I think with a few tweaks to the furniture proposal and colors, it would work.”

I lift my brow in surprise. “So, you’re okay with the wood?”

He regains his signature cocky grin. “I love the wood.”

There are so many choice words that would like to fall from my lips, but I hold them back. Pierce has less than five minutes to get us out of here before I completely lose it.

“Lila can make a few tweaks and send it back by the end of next week. I don’t think this requires another meeting.”

“As much as I live for these moments,” Wade responds. “That’ll work.”

“Are we done here?” Pierce’s words are tight. We’re both ready to kill him.

“We have clear direction now. Let’s see what you can do with it.”

Our goodbyes are always short, but this one breaks a new record as we exit less than two minutes later, hopping into a waiting car.

“There aren’t many people I don’t like,” I admit as we start down the street. “But I really hate him.”

“You’re part of a large club.” He glances out the window as we speed down 5th Avenue. “Are you ready for chocolate?”

“As much as you can get me.”

The car pulls in front of Magnolia Bakery. “Sit tight. I’ll be right back.”

I’ve heard of Magnolia before and always wondered if the cupcakes taste as good as people say. Another signature piece of New York I’m going to try.

He emerges a few minutes later with a box and two bottles of water in his hand. “If these don’t make you feel better, I don’t know what will.”

I open the box to six different flavors. “Oh my. What kinds are these?”

He points to one in the center with light brown frosting. “Knowing you, I’d start with that one. It’s a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter buttercream.”

“I’m sold.” I pick it up, carefully pulling back the paper. After taking my first bite, I close my eyes, letting the flavors marry on my tongue. “This is so damn good.”

When I look to Pierce, he’s finishing off the last of a red velvet cupcake. “What?” He shrugs. “Did you think I was going to let you eat the whole box?”

“Have at it. I’m getting full already.”

I polish off the cupcake then stare out the window as we pass stores, restaurants, and people. My mind has time to wander again. In a few short hours, we’ll be back in Chicago, and I have no idea what awaits me there. I need space, time … actually, I don’t know what I need.

I’m not ready to face him—he’s either going to make it better or break us apart forever. Sometimes, I forget to put myself first. Sometimes, I jump into things without clarity. There’s only one thing I can do to get me there.

“I need to go home,” I announce.

“That’s where we’re heading.”

“No, I mean Nebraska. I need to go home.”

I am met with silence. Long and awkward.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he asks, his voice softer.

Pierce has been like my journal; he always gets the truth.

“I’m pregnant.”

His eyes widen. His mouth opens, but no words come out.

I start crying; that seems to be the only thing I’m good at today. “It’s not yours if that’s what you’re thinking. I’ve done the math, and you always used condoms didn’t you?”

“Yes. I mean, I think I did.” His stare is distant … empty as he rubs the heel of his palm against his chest. Any hope he had for us is crushed. I crushed it.

“I don’t know what to do,” I confess, watching him because I deserve his pain.

“Have you told him?”

“Of course. Why do you think he wasn’t at the apartment this morning?’

He shakes his head, baring his teeth. “I never would have left you.”

Does he think I don’t know that?

“I need to go home for a few days. I need to get away … to clear my head.”

“Do you want to go now?” he asks, pulling his phone from his pocket.

My thoughts are all over the place. Blake wants to talk, but I don’t know if I want to hear what he has to say. Plus, time may be exactly what we need.

I nod. I have clothes at home. Most everything else I can get somewhere, and it would give me time to see my doctor.

Pierce puts the phone to his ear. “Hey, Mike, can you change our flight plan? We need to make a stop in Omaha before going home.” There’s a pause. Pierce nods. “Thanks, Mike. I appreciate it.”

This is one of those moments where I question my decision. My stupid heart must have something against perfection.

“Thank you.” There is nothing else to say.

He wraps his arm around my neck, gently kissing my cheek then lays my head against his chest. “I’d do anything to make you mine, but what I really want is for you to be happy.”

“You’ll never know how much this means to me … how much you mean to me.”

His fingers brush through my hair. “I do. I just wish you knew how much you mean to me.”

If he says anything else, I don’t hear it. I drift to sleep on a heart-shaped pillow.

IT’S DARK BY THE TIME the plane lands in Omaha—the city lights the only thing I see. I recognize Woodmen Tower and the new event center.

“Thank you for doing this,” I say to Pierce as the plane comes to a stop.

“You don’t need to keep saying it. I did it because I wanted to. Don’t worry about coming back to the office until Monday. You should have enough sick time built up.”

I nod, pulling my purse over my shoulder. “I guess I’ll see you Monday morning.” I wrap my arms around him in a show of appreciation.

He kisses my forehead. “Call me if you need anything.”

Within a few minutes I’m at the counter renting a car to drive back home. While the agent processes my information, I pull my cell phone out, turning it back on. I wait for it to load as she hands me the keys and rattles off several minutes of disclosures.

Three messages pop up.

Reece: Did you talk to Blake? Call me, plz.

Blake: What time will you be back?

Blake: I need to see you.

For now, I tuck it back in my purse and go claim my mid-size Honda from across the street. Blake has left me hanging so many times that it justifies me doing the same just to pay him back. I’m not that person.

Lila: I went back home to see my parents. Back next week.

Before pulling my car from the lot, I call Reece. It rings four times before she picks up.

“It’s about time. I’ve been worried about you.”

“Sorry, we were in New York all day and then I decided to come home for a few days.”

“Home?”

I start the car, letting the air conditioning kick in. “Pierce dropped me off in Omaha. I need some fresh air for a few days … some time to think without all the distractions.”

She sighs. “I’m going to miss you, but you made a good call. I guess Blake didn’t take it too well, huh?”

“He ran the way he usually does. He’s been texting me today, but I’m not going to let him take me on the roller coaster with him this time. I have more than just myself to worry about.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“It sucks, though,” I admit, tearing up again. “Look, Reece, can I call you back tomorrow? It’s been a long day, and I’m really tired.”

“Of course. Get a good night’s sleep, okay?”

“I will.” Before she can hang up, I add, “You’re a great friend. I really mean that.”

“You are, too,” she replies.

I laugh quietly. I don’t see how that’s possible when I have all the problems. “I try to be. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

As I drive out of Omaha onto the country roads Nebraska is notorious for, I roll down the window and turn up a little Brantley Gilbert. The smell of fresh cut grass and the occasional scent of cattle seep into my car, but they’re just more reminders of home.

It’s always going to be my safe place.

My nerves don’t show until I pull into my small town. In less than a minute, I’ll be in my parents’ driveway. There won’t be any way to explain my visit without telling them everything.

I take one deep breath and put my hand on the door handle.

I take another and actually pull it back.

After three, I’m finally out of the car making my way to the front door. I still have my key, but they’d probably have a heart attack if I just walked in. I knock instead.

While waiting, I peek through the side window, seeing the glow of the TV coming from the living room. Mom comes around the corner cautiously, her robe pulled tightly over her pajamas.

Her mouth hangs open when she sees me standing on the other side of the door. “Lila,” she says, folding her arms around me. “What are you doing here?”

“I need you,” I cry, burying my face in her hair. She’s used the same shampoo since I was a little girl. It reminds me of the hundreds of times she’s comforted me over the years.

“Come in. Do you have any bags you need help with?”

“No,” I answer stepping inside. “It was a last minute sort of thing.”

“James!” Mom yells. “Your daughter is here!”

I wince. I love my daddy, but he’ll have ten times more questions than Mom.

“Hey, baby girl.” He smiles, coming around the corner. “What are you doing here?”

Folding my arms over my stomach, I say, “I needed a break from the city.”

He pulls me in for a hug, kissing my forehead in the same spot Pierce had just over an hour ago. “I’m glad to have you home.”

For a while, we stare at each other. I know they know something isn’t quite right. They’re just waiting for me to say it or thinking of a way to ask me.

“Do you want to come watch some baseball?” Dad asks, motioning toward the living room.

I shake my head. I hate baseball. He knows it. “I was wondering if Mom wanted to sit on the back deck for a while. I’ve been stuck on a plane for most of the day and could use some fresh air.”

Dad looks relieved. “I wouldn’t want to impede on girl time.”

“Do you want something to eat before we head out?” Mom asks.

I haven’t had anything since the cupcake back in New York. “Peanut butter and jelly,” I say, wrinkling my nose.

She pats my back. “I’m glad Chicago hasn’t changed you too much.”

While she puts together my sandwich, I go out to the deck leaning against the railing. A cool summer breeze blows through my hair as I look out to the mature trees that fill the back yard and listen to the crickets.

I hear the patio door slide and turn around, watching Mom carry a plate and glass of milk to the table. “This should do it.”

“Is that your homemade bread?”

“Did you think I was going to make you something on store bought bread? Never.”

I kick my heels off and take a seat across from her. The first bite goes down easily and before I know it, it’s half gone. It’s a good thing my nausea wore off after lunch.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she finally asks after I down my glass of milk.

“You’re not going to like it.”

“Nothing you can say is going to make me love you any less. Remember that.” If I’m half the mom she is, my baby will be lucky.

“I’m pregnant.” My hands shake under the table as I wait for her reaction.

Her eyes widen as she takes a visible deep breath. “I guess I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend.”

This is the part that stings the most. “I don’t.”

Her elbows hit the table, hands framing her face.

I continue, “I met a guy after I moved there—Mallory’s older brother, actually. We’ve been seeing each other on and off.” I purposefully leave out Pierce. She doesn’t need to hear all that.

“Where are you now?”

“Off.”

“Oh, baby, your dad and I will help you with whatever it is you need. Have you been to the doctor yet?”

Shaking my head, I say, “Not yet. I was hoping I could get in with Dr. Phelps while I’m here.”

“We’ll give her a call in the morning.” She pauses. “Do you want to know a secret?”

“You have a secret?”

She holds up her index finger. “Just one.”

“Spill.”

“I got pregnant with you before I married your dad. Our parents put together a wedding in two weeks to try to make it look like you were a honeymoon baby.”

I’m not sure if she can see my eyes in the darkness, but they have to be at least double in size. “No freaking way.”

“Shocking, huh?”

“Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t have anyone for you to make me marry.”

She laughs. “I would never even suggest it. Besides, I love your dad so much, it would have happened at one time or another.”

More time passes. I finish the last of my sandwich as I enjoy the quiet serenity.

“Can we wait a couple days to tell Dad? I want to go to the doctor and all that before I tell anyone else.”

“What do you want me to tell him?”

I shrug. “Just tell him I needed a break. There’s no lie in that.”

“True. You look exhausted. Why don’t you head to bed, and we can talk more in the morning. I’ll even make you waffles with strawberries if you want.”

“Let’s try dry toast. The last couple mornings have been a little rough.”

“I had the same thing with you. It will be over soon, hopefully.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I say as she picks up my dishes.

“For what?”

“For not making me feel any worse than I already do. Loneliness is the worst feeling, and I was scared how you would react,” I admit.

“If there is one thing I never want you to forget, it’s that I’ll always be there. Always. Don’t you ever question that.”

I follow her in the kitchen, waiting for her to set the dishes in the sink before wrapping my arms tightly around her. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now get some sleep.”

It’s been months since I’ve been in my old room, and it hasn’t changed one bit. It has the same white four-poster bed. Same white comforter and pale yellow walls. After pulling on one of my old sleep shirts, I find a toothbrush and everything else I need in my bathroom. Within minutes, I’m tucked under the covers and drifting off to sleep.

I hear pounding, but ignore it, tossing to my other side. Dad’s always had this thing about getting up before the sun rises and tinkering in the garage.

Two more pounds then it stops. I drift off yet again.

A hand rests on my hip, shaking me carefully. “Lila! Lila!” My dad yells—at least it sounds like he’s yelling.

I rub my eyes and look to the alarm clock. It’s only 4:15. “What is it?”

“There’s a guy here to see you. I told him to get his ass out of here, but he won’t listen.”

“Who?” I ask, sitting up.

“I don’t know. Do you want to come down and see or should I tell him to get the hell off my property?” he asks. My dad has always been my shield.

“I’ll go, Daddy. Why don’t you go back to bed?” It can only be one of two men; I can handle both.

He lifts his finger. I can barely see him in the darkness. “I’m coming with you until I know you’re okay. This guy looks a little worse for wear.”

Without another word, I follow him down the steps to the foyer. His back is to me, but I know it’s him right away. “Blake,” I whisper, trying not to make him jump.

He spins around immediately. His hair is mussed. His shirt is wrinkled. And I’ve seen those circles around his eyes before; he hasn’t slept in a couple days.

“You can go to bed now, Daddy.”

“You sure?” he whispers near my ear.

I nod, never taking my eyes off Blake.

“If you need anything, come get me,” he says before he walks back up the stairs.

Blake walks toward me slowly. His hands come up when he’s close enough to touch me, but they fall back down to his sides. “I need to talk to you.”

“How did you get here?”

“I drove.”

“When was the last time you slept?”

He buries his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I don’t remember.”

Even with the anger and frustration I have with him, my heart easily overrides it all … for now anyway. When you know what I know about him—his past and how great he can be—it puts the negatives through a heavy strain. Especially when I see him like this.

I take his hand in mine. He responds, his whole face relaxing. I could throw him a pillow and show him the couch, but I lead him to my room, closing the door tightly behind us.

“Do you need something to sleep in?” I ask, shuffling things around in my drawer. Derek left his things here a time or two.

I look back when he doesn’t answer, and he’s already stripped down to his boxer briefs. “I’m good.”

“There’s an extra toothbrush in the bathroom,” I say pointing toward it.

He comes to me like a lion on the prowl, holding my face in his hands. “I need to talk to you. Everything else can wait until later.”

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. “Can we at least lay in the bed? I’m so tired.”

His grip on me loosens, and he takes my hand to lead me to the bed. I crawl into one side. He takes the other. I lie on my back. He towers over me, holding his head up. “Why didn’t you come home?” he asks.

“I’m tired of you running. I’m not doing this anymore.”

“Who ran this time?” he asks.

“It’s not running if I don’t have anything to run from.”

“You have me,” he answers, brushing the pad of his thumb across my cheek.

“I’ve never had you, Blake. You come and go … you never stay long enough for me to consider you mine.” My voice reflects the sadness my heart feels. It’s hard when you love someone, but you don’t feel it back.