Текст книги "Pushing the Limits"

Автор книги: Katie McGarry

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Текущая страница: 21 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

Echo

Noah held my hand and my bag as he escorted me to the third floor—the Women’s Pavilion. The elevator bell rang and the doors opened.

“Jesus, Echo, circulation in my hand would be a good thing,” said Noah.

“Sorry.” I tried to let go, but Noah kept his fingers linked with mine.

We walked down the hallway and passed women strolling slowly with their husbands, balloon– and flower-filled rooms, and the nurse’s station. At the end of the hall, I paused right outside the room I’d been told was Ashley’s.

“Do you want me to come in?” he asked.

I shook my head. “She might be breast-feeding.” Plus I didn’t need an audience for this.

Noah tensed. “Too much information. I’ll be in the waiting room.”

“All right.”

He kissed my lips softly. “Text me and I’ll be here in a heartbeat, breast-feeding or not.”

“Thanks.”

Noah waited until I stepped into the room before he retreated. No ordinary room for Ashley. My father had upgraded to the private room with full spa bathroom, leather couches, wood floors and flat-screen television. He and Ashley were giggling over something when I stepped inside. “Hi.”

Ashley stretched out on the inclined hospital bed with my father right beside her. His arm was draped over her shoulder. There was no sign of the constant worry lines on my father’s face. His gray eyes shone as he looked down at the bundled baby she held in her arms.

They stopped laughing and Dad sat up on the bed. “Echo. Are you okay? Do you need me?”

My foot tapped against the floor. Nausea roiled deep inside. I’d had no idea how badly seeing the replacement child would hurt. “I’m fine. Am I interrupting something? Because if so I could go, because I know that you just had a baby and all …”

“No.” Ashley’s blue eyes softened. “You’re not interrupting anything, Echo. Please come in. I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you last night, but … well … I was sort of preoccupied.”

“Yeah. It’s fine. You had a baby. I think that sort of trumps—” Watching me have a breakdown.

I took the seat next to the bed and tried to peek at the baby without seeming like it. “Is he okay? I mean, he was born early and stuff.”

Not that I should care or anything. This thing was my and Aires’ replacement. But still, it was a small, defenseless baby and it should have been cooking in Ashley’s belly, not out too soon in this horrible world.

My dad gave me an honest-to-God smile. “He’s perfect.”

“Good.” I crossed my ankles and my foot rocked in rhythm to the finger tapping on my knee.

“Would you like to hold him?” Ashley asked.

Um … no. “Okay?”

My father retrieved the swaddled baby from Ashley’s arms and handed him to me. Becoming the queen of awkward, I moved my hands three times before I finally accepted him.

“Support his head and hold him close,” my father said. “That’s right. See, you’re a natural.”

“Sure.” People naturally wanted to run screaming when they held a baby. My heart rate rose when the little pink thing yawned and opened his eyes. He blinked three times and let them close again. When I blinked like that, a lie typically followed. I wondered how closely related we were.

“Would you like to know his name?” Ashley asked.

“Yeah. What’s his name?” Because people named their children and I was supposed to want to know.

My father caressed Ashley’s hand and answered, “Alexander Aires Emerson.”

A shiver ran through me until the name settled in my heart. Alexander’s little hand broke free from the blanket and grasped my finger. Aires. They named the baby after Aires.

Aires would have loved this baby, regardless of who his mother was, regardless of how our father treated him. Why? Because that’s the way he’d loved me. Aires loved me unconditionally. He loved me when I was a scared child. He loved me when I was a bratty preteen. He loved me as a hormonal teenager. When nobody else in this world could love me for being an unsure, self-absorbed, timid scaredy-cat, he loved me.

More than once, Aires had sucked up his pride for me. He took crap from my father, my mother and from Ashley to stick up for me. Aires did only one selfish thing in his life and that was to fulfill his dream of becoming a Marine, but even then, he fought for me. He wrote my father and Ashley letters, telling them to lay off. He called and wrote me all the time. He sacrificed his free time in order to be up-to-date on every detail of my life.

Aires would have moved heaven and earth for this baby, just like he had moved heaven and earth for me.

I’d thought repairing Aires’ car was going to fix my life. I’d thought the same thing about recovering my memory. But neither of those things fulfilled the magical hope I’d clung to—that somehow my life would rewind to three years before.

Alexander shifted in my arms. God, he was so small, and from the giddy looks on my father’s and Ashley’s faces, they already worshipped him. We all started off this way—small little bundles of joy. Me, Aires, Noah, Lila, Isaiah and even Beth. At some point, someone held and loved us, but somewhere along the way, it all got screwed up.

Not for this baby though—not for Alexander. Over the past few weeks, I’d learned several harsh lessons about myself. The most devastating? That I was selfish like my mom. Like her, I saw the world in black and white instead of the vibrant colors and shades I knew existed. And not only that, I’d chosen to see the world through her eyes instead of my own.

But not anymore. I could do more than rebuild a car to honor Aires. I could become the sibling he would have wanted me to be. Alexander would never face this world alone. He’d have an advocate—he’d have me. “Alexander Aires. I like it.”

Ashley let out a relieved breath and glanced at my father with a smile on her face. “I’m happy you’re here, Echo.”

Oddly enough … “Me, too.”

A nurse walked in with a rolling bassinet. “Sorry to intrude, but I’m here to take little Alexander to be weighed.” She expertly took Alexander from me and placed him in the bed. “And someone will be in to examine you, Mrs. Emerson.”

“He’ll want to eat soon, so don’t keep him long.” Ashley grasped my father’s hand and her blue eyes became worried.

“We’ll bring him right back,” the nurse assured her.

We watched him roll away. My father slid to the edge of the bed. “How are you?”

“Good.” For having a slight mental breakdown and remembering that my mom had tried that murder-suicide thing with me. “They released me.”

“Already? The doctors and nurses have been keeping me updated, but they told me you wouldn’t be released until two. I planned on being there to take you home.” He checked his watch. Sure enough, it was only one-thirty. “I promise I sat with you.”

“I know. Noah told me.”

My father exchanged a perplexed glance with Ashley. “Are you and Noah back together?”

Heat burned my cheeks at the thought of the way he kissed me in the hospital room. “Yeah.”

“He stayed with you, Echo. All night.” He stared down at his shoes as he spoke and I heard the heavy hint of regret. Noah stayed with me—he didn’t.

My mother’s words chose that moment to echo in my head. “You and I share the same skin.” No, Mom, we don’t. I share Aires’ skin. I’m going to do better than you.

Every few seconds Ashley’s face flickered between worry and hope. I’d loved her once. My mother reminded me of that. There was a time as a child I possibly could have called her Mom without feeling a twinge of regret. Yes, things happened. A marriage failed and a family fell apart, but Ashley … Ashley wasn’t evil. “I’m sorry, Ashley.”

Her forehead furrowed. “For what?”

I forced myself to look at her. “For always blaming you.” Ashley’s eyes watered. I swallowed my pride and continued, “My mom isn’t who I thought she was, so maybe you’re not the person I’ve made you out to be either.”

At first, I meant the apology as a truce in order to start fresh with Alexander, but as I said the words, my heart became lighter. I really was sorry and forgiveness felt … enlightening.

Ashley placed a hand over her heart while the tears streamed down. “I’m sorry, too. So sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Never. Sometimes I say things and the words just fall out, and I can see by the look on your face that I said it wrong. But you have to know—I have always loved you. I’ll do better, Echo. I promise.”

I glanced at my bouncing foot. Guilt ate at me. She wanted a clean slate. If we were starting off on a new foot, we needed to begin with honesty. “And I’m going to really try with you. Not fake try. Really try.”

Ashley smiled through her tears and nodded, accepting my treaty.

“Mrs. Emerson, I’m here to examine you,” said a nurse in purple scrubs. “Would the two of you mind stepping out?”

My father stood. “No problem.”

The appropriate thing to do would be to hug her. Yeah … I should. But I couldn’t. I’d save that for when I really felt it. Repairing my relationship with Ashley was going to require baby steps. I held my hand out to her and she squeezed it.

“I’ll see you at home,” she said.

“Okay.”

Almost shocking the red out of my hair, my father placed an arm around my shoulder and escorted me out of the room. “Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

A floor-to-ceiling window ended the hall next to Ashley’s room. My father closed the door behind him and the two of us looked out on the busy parking lot. Do you realize that you haven’t touched me like this in years? “No.”

He pulled me closer to him and kept his eyes locked on the outside world. “I love you more than you could ever know.”

“I love you, too,” I whispered. “I wish …” That Aires had never died. That my mother wasn’t so selfish. “I wish things didn’t have to be so difficult between us.”

“I didn’t know how to talk to you, Echo. Not that I ever did before, but after what happened with your mother … I had a hard time facing you. Every time I looked at you, I saw how I failed—and how could I ask for your forgiveness if you didn’t even remember what I did?”

“What happened?” I glanced up to him. “On your side?”

The gray that shadowed his face made him appear way older than a man in his forties. “Fifteen minutes. That’s how long your message sat in voice mail. I called 911 as soon as I heard the panic in your voice. I begged them to check on you and your mother. Ashley and I left immediately, but I knew we wouldn’t be fast enough.

“If only I’d answered my phone when you called, I would have told you to lock yourself in the bathroom. You never would have fallen through that glass. If I’d checked my voice mail earlier, you would have been conscious when EMS found you.” He closed his eyes. Pure torture weighed his features. “You almost died.”

I pressed my face into his chest and squeezed him tighter. “I’m alive, Daddy.” And say it, Echo. “And it’s okay. I don’t blame you.”

My father hugged me back as he whispered, over and over, “I’m so sorry.”

I turned my head, listening to his heart as I looked out the window. Just like always, the world continued. People left and entered the hospital. Cars scurried to their destination points. And as glad as I was to have gotten through to my father, I knew my destination wasn’t here.

“You know those times I left town to sell my paintings?” I pulled back, but my father kept his arm around me even as he turned his head and glanced away. The quiet, painful recognition that he’d lost control of me several weeks ago was still evident on his face.

“Yes.”

How exactly should I explain this? “I slept through the night while I was gone.”

“Echo, that’s great!”

And he didn’t understand. “It made me realize I need to find a space of my own. When I graduate from high school, I’m moving out.”

It had to be said, but I regretted the heaviness that returned to my father. He rubbed my shoulder. “I know I’ve made mistakes. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve sat up and watched those brief precious hours that you actually slept and wondered how I could make all of your problems disappear. I know it wasn’t good enough, but I did the best I could by you. No matter how hard I tried, I could never find a way to fix you.”

The image in my head made sense. I was a broken vase and my father’s tight reign was the glue. He thought if he pressed hard enough, I’d go back to normal.

“You really tried with Mom, didn’t you?” My conversation with her had made me rethink everything she raised me to believe.

His tone grew hoarse. “I loved her, Echo. She was that someone that tilted my universe. But I loved you and Aires more. I tried everything possible to minimize the effects of her behavior on the two of you. I became what they call an enabler until I finally realized that the only person who could help your mother was herself.”

My father wiped at his face and I pretended that maybe he had dust on it. “I came home one night and found you and Aires in your bedroom closet, hiding from her. It wasn’t the first time, but I swore to myself it would be the last. I couldn’t change your mom, but I could take care of the two of you. I hired Ashley full-time and told your mother that if she didn’t get it together I’d file for divorce.

“You were too young to remember, but your mother did try and there were periods where she stayed on her medication and did fine. When she got really bad, I’d admit her to a psychiatric hospital. The cycle never ended. From good to okay, from okay to bad, from bad to the hospital and then back to good. One night I came home from visiting her at the hospital and I found Ashley reading to you in your room. You sat on her lap, played with her hair and looked at her like she hung the moon. She helped Aires with his science project and recorded his basketball game. She even cooked you guys dinner and warmed me up leftovers.

“Ashley brought a sense of normal into a house where normal was hard to come by. I swear, Echo, neither of us meant to fall in love. Sometimes life happens.”

Maybe my father and I were more alike than I’d ever imagined. We both craved normal. Nerves swelled inside. “Am I like Mom?”

He looked at me from the corner of his eye. “Is this a trick question?”

My eyes pleaded, hoping he wouldn’t make me spell it out. He rubbed my shoulder again. “You have her beauty, her artistic talent and her tenacity if that’s what you mean.”

Was he saying I was stubborn? Wait until he got to know Noah. “Anything else?”

“Your mother never would have uttered to anyone those words you just said to Ashley … or to me. You’re your own person, Echo, and I’m proud to be your father.”

The nerves went away and I rested my head on him. “Thanks, Daddy.”

“Give me another chance. I promise to let you run your own life. Anyhow, I think Ashley is going to be overwhelmed with Alexander. She didn’t start babysitting you until well after you were potty-trained.”

What a crazy, crazy world I lived in. My teenage babysitter, turned nanny, turned stepmother, had given birth to my new brother. I wanted so badly to give my dad the answer he wanted and make him happy, but then I wouldn’t be true to the person I was beginning to believe I was. “Honestly, Daddy, it has nothing to do with chances. That house is full of memories. Some of them are wonderful and some … aren’t. I spent years hoping and praying and plotting for a life I never really had to begin with. I’m scared if I stay, I’ll keep looking back and never look forward.”

“Funny.” But he didn’t laugh. “Aires said the same thing when he enlisted. Promise me you’ll come home and visit. You’re my baby, too.”

I wrapped both of my arms around him and he hugged me. “I promise.”

NOAH

In a tent set up in Shirley and Dale’s backyard, Echo lay on her stomach studying a huge map of the United States. Because of the warm April night, she’d pulled her shirt up a few inches to expose her skin. At least that was the reason she gave when her fingers inched the material of her blue tank away from the small of her back. Personally, I think she did it to drive me insane.

“Sorry,” Echo said. “I’m not an ocean kind of girl. Birds and sand and seaweed.” She shivered and stuck out her tongue. “Not my scene, but we can go there if you want.”

A week ago, I’d held her hand in the hospital and wondered if she’d ever come back to me. Tonight, I watched her in complete awe. Echo was here and she was mine. Sitting beside her, I traced patterns on the exposed skin of her back. “I’ll go wherever you want, baby.”

The light from the old camping lantern the two of us bought flickered and she raised an I-told-you-so eyebrow. Echo was not a fan of the treasures that could be found at Goodwill, nor was she a fan of sleeping outdoors. But she’d promised to give camping a shot on our trip this summer.

“The tent’s in good shape,” I said to prove my point. “It would have cost us a hell of a lot more at a real store.”

“If you say so.” She moved her finger west of Kentucky. “I want to see snow-capped mountains.”

I brushed her curls away, bent down and kissed the nape of her neck, loving how her muscles relaxed as she leaned into me. I whispered into her ear, “Then that’s what we’ll see.”

“Noah,” she moaned in equal parts pleasure and reprimand. “How am I supposed to schedule appointments with art galleries if I never plan where we’re going?”

Her sweet smell drove my body higher as I nibbled on the edge of her earlobe. “I’m not stopping you. You plan. I’ll kiss.”

Echo turned her head to look at me over her shoulder. My siren became a temptress with that seductive smile on her lips. A mistake on her part. I caressed her cheek and kissed those soft lips.

I expected her to shy away. We’d been playing this game for over an hour: she plotted while I teased. Leaving for the summer was important to her and she was important to me. But instead of the quick peck I’d anticipated, she moved her lips against mine. A burning heat warmed my blood.

It was a slow kiss at first—all I meant it to be, but then Echo touched me. Her hands on my face, in my hair. And then she angled her body to mine. Warmth, enticing pressure on all the right parts, and Echo’s lips on mine—fireworks.

She became my world. Filling my senses so that all I felt and saw and tasted was her. Kisses and touches and whispered words of love and when my hand skimmed down the curve of her waist and paused on the hem of her jeans my body screamed to continue, but my mind knew it was time to stop.

With a sigh, I moved my lips once more against hers before shifting and pulling her body to my side. “I’m in love with you.”

Echo settled her head in the crook of my arm as her fingertips lazily touched my face. “I know. I love you, too.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.” If I had, then maybe we never would have been apart.

“It’s okay,” she murmured. “We’re together now and that’s all that matters.”

I kissed her forehead and she snuggled closer to me. The world felt strange. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t fighting someone or something. My brothers were safe. Echo knew the truth. Soon, I’d be free from high school and foster care. Hopefully, I’d be admitted on late acceptance to college. Contentment and happiness were unfamiliar emotions, but ones I could learn to live with.

“Do you mind?” she asked in a small voice that indicated nerves. “That we’re taking it slow?”

“No.” And it was the truth. Happiness and contentment were going to be a little harder for her than for me. Echo, Ashley and her dad had reached a new understanding, but old habits were tough to break, especially when they all lived in the same house. A new baby didn’t help the stress level. Echo’s therapy sessions had increased instead of decreased. Regaining the memory and the confrontation with her mom had created a whole new set of issues, but ones Echo felt she could deal with as long as she had Mrs. Collins.

Everything in her life was in flux and she needed strong, steady and stable. Oddly, she found those three things in me. Who would ever have guessed I’d be the reliable sort? “Besides, taking it slow creates buildup. I like anticipation.”

Her body rocked with silent giggles and my lips turned up. I loved making her happy.

“And you’re sure you want to leave your brothers and you swear you won’t lose your job?”

She’d asked those two questions a million times this past week, but I understood her fear. She didn’t want me to end up full of regret. “They’re closing the Malt and Burger for a month in July for renovations and my boss thinks a vacation would be good for me. As for my brothers …” I paused. “I need the space. It’s hard flipping off the switch. Maybe if I go away for a while I won’t feel like they’re my sole responsibility.”

She propped herself up on her elbows and tilted her head. Those beautiful green eyes searched mine. “You’re sure?”

“One thousand percent.”

The smile I loved so much graced her face. “Then we’re going west.”