Текст книги "Pushing the Limits"

Автор книги: Katie McGarry

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

NOAH

I wandered the hallways for twenty minutes. Echo had radiated nerves. I wanted to give her plenty of time to make it to the sickroom and be well underway before I attempted the office.

“Aires made me feel safe.” Echo’s voice carried to the front office. Dammit, Mrs. Collins had kept the door to the sickroom open. In theory, there would have been no need to close the door because the school should have been abandoned.

“Ashley.” I froze. Echo sounded drowsy. Part of me wanted to stay there and listen, but then I wouldn’t have a chance to find both of our answers.

My mother would sure be proud of me—breaking into my counselor’s office, though I reminded myself that her door hung wide open. I tried to shove away the guilt eating at my gut, but it faded the moment I saw my name poking out from underneath two other files.

I grabbed the folder and immediately flipped it to the page with my brothers’ information. On the back of one of the college brochures Mrs. Collins gave me, I copied their data, careful not to miss a single piece.

“Noah. What are you doing here?” Mr. Emerson scared the crap out of me, but I emptied all emotion from my face, discreetly closing my file before I spun around.

I held up my brochures. “College planning.” Might as well rack up some brownie points.

“Good.” He glanced back into the main office. “Good for you.”

“I don’t want to die, Momma. Please, don’t let me die.” Echo’s distressed voice vibrated down the hallway. I could hear the underlying terror. Both Mr. Emerson and I took a step toward the sickroom. Our simultaneous movements caught each other’s attention. She screamed, “Oh, God, Daddy!”

Mr. Emerson turned a weird shade of gray. “I think you should go.”

My heart beat faster. Muscles tense, I glared at Mr. Emerson, waiting for him to give me some sort of explanation for why the girl I loved was screaming his name in panic and desperation.

He placed a hand on the wall and leaned into it. “Go on, Noah.”

Should I go or should I stay? If I stayed, I’d have to explain my presence, risking being caught, and losing the information on my brothers. I also risked an argument with her father.

If I left, I was a dick. Not the champion Echo needed me to be. I’d make it up to her. I’d find a way. I left the office and dialed Echo’s cell.

“It’s me. You know what to do,” said her sweet voice.

“Hey, baby. Call me when you can. I …” Love you. “I need to hear your voice.”

Echo

“You forgot to pick me up?” Everything inside of me became as hard as a rock and just as numb. “Like you forgot to pick up eggs at the store or clothes at the dry cleaners? Like you forgot to pick up a piece of cereal that fell on the floor or a can that fell out of the grocery bag? You forgot to pick me up.”

My father tugged his ear and kept his gaze on the floor. “I, uh …” He cleared his throat. “Ashley had her high school reunion that night and we were running late from the art show. I dropped you off at your mother’s so you could tell her about winning the Governor’s Cup and time got away from me.”

My eyes flickered between my father and Mrs. Collins. Dr. Reed shifted, but I ignored him. Mrs. Collins stood uncharacteristically still, her eyes glued on me.

“Which was it?” I demanded. “Time got away or you forgot to pick me up?”

His Adam’s apple bounced when he swallowed. The chaos in my head cleared for an instant as the lightbulb went on. “You were supposed to drop her off at the reunion, then come and get me. It was supposed to be a short visit, but Ashley convinced you to stay.”

He barely nodded. “I’m sorry, Echo.”

I pushed against the black hole in my mind. There had to be more. “Obviously Mom wasn’t with it, so why did you leave me there?” Better question, why did I stay?

Mrs. Collins forced optimism into her tone and smiled. “Why don’t we go into my office and talk this new progress through. We can get a drink. You like Diet Coke, right?”

Anger gave me a boldness I’d only dreamed of having. “I’m not going anywhere until he answers. Why did you leave me there?”

“Mr. Emerson, let’s give Echo some time to collect herself while you and I have a chat.”

“No way.” I took a step toward my father. “He’s answering me.”

“Echo …” Mrs. Collins began to protest, but I put my hand up to stop her.

“You think he’s controlling now? You should have seen him after the divorce. I didn’t see my mom for two years. Do you know what middle school was like without a mom? Periods, training bras, boys. I had no one.”

“You had Ashley,” my father said. “I wasn’t keeping your mother from you. She knew what she had to do to get visitation. She chose not to do it.”

“No!” I bit. “You chose Ashley and ruined my mother. But Mom did get herself together, didn’t she? She got help. She took her meds and you know what my father did, Mrs. Collins? He treated her like a serial killer. She had to jump through hoops of fire in order to see us. He never once allowed visitation unless he was a hundred percent sure she was stable. So tell me, Dad, why did you leave me there?”

“Because I was in a hurry and didn’t check on her when I dropped you off.” My father met my eyes for the first time and I saw the truth. “I was only supposed to be gone fifteen minutes. A half hour tops.”

“Did I call?” Because I would have. Living through sixteen years of my mother’s highs and lows had taught me that her on no meds equaled adult-supervised visitation.

He looked away again. “Yes.”

The heaviness of his words crushed my heart. “Did you answer?”

My father shoved his hands into his pockets and closed his eyes.

Idiot. I was an idiot. No one loved me. Nothing I could do or say would ever change that fact. My father merely mentioned jumping and I asked if I needed to buy a trampoline. That wasn’t love; that was control. Dad chose Ashley and Aires chose the Marines over me. Noah still hadn’t told me that he loved me even though I’d said the words to him.

I used to believe my father cared. After all, he cared enough to try to control every aspect of my life and I let him. I let him because I loved him and I wanted so desperately for him to love me back. But I’d been wrong, so wrong. He didn’t even care enough to answer the phone. I was unlovable before my mother ever touched me.

I brushed past him and grabbed my stuff out of Mrs. Collins’s office.

“I’m sorry.” My father blocked my path as I tried to leave. I ignored the hoarseness of his voice, stepped around him and bolted down the hallway. I was done being controlled.

NOAH

I should have stayed. If the roles had been reversed, she would have waited for me, but I needed to see my brothers. When she called me back, I’d run by and see her.

Newly built large, spacious houses formed a circle around a large park. The full deal—walking paths, trees, bushes, benches and the largest playground on the planet.

Two children flew out of a blue three-story house. My dad would have loved it—Second Empire architecture: mansard roof, dormer windows, square tower, decorative brackets and molded cornice. I remembered my dad laughing while showing me pictures. “Think Lady and the Tramp, Noah,” he’d said.

As the children raced closer, I recognized Mom’s smile. The two of them scrambled up the stairs of the play gym and flipped to the tallest slide. Jacob stopped repeatedly to help the struggling Tyler up several of the lifts.

I got out of the car and sat on a bench far from the playground and watched my brothers laugh and play. Everything inside me hurt. They were so close and all I wanted was to be with them. I pulled out my phone, reminding myself of my purpose—to prove that their foster parents were unfit.

Speaking of, where the hell was either Carrie or Joe? Jacob was only eight. Tyler wasn’t even five yet. Shouldn’t they be supervised? I raised my phone to take a picture of the situation when a voice caught me off guard. “A little to the right. She’s sitting on the bench under the maple.”

Mrs. Collins took a seat on the bench beside me. Sure enough, from a bench under the tree, Carrie watched my brothers’ every movement. I shoved my phone back into my pocket.

“They like to slide—your brothers, that is. The two of them could spend hours flipping up and sliding down.”

We sat next to each other in silence and listened to my brothers giggle from afar. I had no clue how to get out of this one. Silence: the defense of the guilty.

“So, were the two of you working together this entire time or did you jump at the opportunity when it presented itself?”

Might as well try denial. “I think you’ve lost your mind.”

“I’m a slob, but I’m an organized slob. You put your file back in the wrong spot. Do you have any idea how much trouble you could be in for this?”

Dammit. “What do you want to know?” Maybe if I played, she’d cut me some slack.

“Were you and Echo working together?”

I would never sell Echo out. “Next.”

Mrs. Collins sighed. “I promised Echo privacy and she trusted me. You shouldn’t have been anywhere near that office today.”

I swallowed down the guilt over leaving her. “Is she okay?”

Tyler squealed when Carrie pushed him on the swing. Mrs. Collins smoothed back her hair. “You should probably call her.”

I clasped my hands loosely between my knees as I leaned forward. “What happened to never discussing Echo with me?”

“What can I say? It’s been a bad day all around.”

We sat in silence again. Joe pulled into the driveway and ran across the street to the park. Tyler leapt off the swing and jumped into his open arms. I felt like someone punched me in the gut.

“They’re happy here, Noah. Are you that excited to rip them away from all of this?”

I had to admit, it was nice here. Guess financial gurus really did do well.

“What will you have to offer them? A two-bedroom apartment in a less-than-desirable end of town? I’m assuming you read the file. They go to the best private school in the county. In the state, actually. Both of your brothers have multiple extracurricular activities. How are you going to balance a full-time job and two little boys? How will you find the time to juggle their current schedule? Even better, how can you afford it?”

Joe covered his eyes with one hand and began to play hide-and-seek with my brothers. Jacob hid at the top of the slide while Tyler hid behind Carrie on the bench. When Joe stopped counting, he saw Tyler immediately but pretended he didn’t, to Tyler’s delight.

Mrs. Collins leaned into my line of sight. “There are other options. You can go to college. Continue your relationship with Echo. Become the man your parents intended you to be.”

My muscles tightened. “What does Echo have to do with this?”

“Have you ever asked her what her plans for the future are? Do you think she’s ready to date a single dad?”

I met Mrs. Collins’s eyes for the first time. Sincerity screamed from them. I swore under my breath and returned to watching my brothers. Echo. In all of my imagined scenarios involving my brothers or Echo, I’d never once thought of them in the same future. Separate—yes. Together—no. How the hell did the two combine—or could they?

Carrie and Joe called out to the boys, informing them that it was time to go inside. Jacob and Tyler ran ahead. I watched as a black Suburban pulled out of a spot a few feet down from my brothers.

Everything in my world slowed. I jumped to my feet and began to run toward them as Jacob and Tyler bolted in front of the moving car. No. Please, no. Not them, too. Brakes squealed, a horn blared and Jacob wrapped himself around our younger brother.

My heart beat once when the car stopped inches from Jacob and Tyler. Carrie and Joe swooped them up and hurried into the house. My blood pulsed nervously through my entire body and I could only take shallow breaths.

Mrs. Collins placed a hand on my arm. “They are okay, Noah. They’re safe.”

Fuck that. “They’ll be safer with me.”

Echo

My father followed me home, running two red lights in order to keep up. His tires screamed when he flung his car into Park, door open before he turned off the engine. “Echo!”

Oh, there’s the man I knew. Drill sergeant tone, fast as a rabbit. He could bark orders at me as much as he wanted. I’d discharged myself from his military. He grabbed my arm the moment he caught up with me in the kitchen.

He slammed the door behind him, causing Ashley to jump from the table. Her tabloid magazine fell to the floor. “What’s happened?”

I jerked my arm away. “I’ll tell you what happened. I was born. A couple of years later my genius parents figured out that my mother was bipolar. While she struggled to understand her condition you weaseled your way into our lives and tossed her out right when she finally accepted that she needed the meds.”

Ashley blinked rapidly and looked to my father for reassurance. “Owen, what happened?”

She hurt me. Ashley may have not have dug the cuts into my arms, but she was every bit as responsible. My blood dripped from her manicured hands. “How many times did he start to answer his phone and you stopped him? Did you seduce him into staying later at your stupid reunion or did you remind him that I wasn’t worth the effort?”

Her evil mouth fell into the shape of a round little O and her bloodred lipstick glowed against her now pale face. Disgust weaved through me. “Tell me, Ashley, when they brought my bloodless, lifeless body into the hospital, were you relieved when they told you that I may not make it? Did you celebrate that I was finally out of your life? After all, Aires was dead, my mom cast out for good. I was the only thing left standing in your way.”

She shook her head repeatedly and a single fake tear ran down her cheek. “No. I have always loved you. You, Aires and your father. All I ever wanted to do is to be your mother.”

The thin thread holding back any control snapped so loudly I blinked once. My eyes widened to the point of threatening to fall out of their sockets. “You are such a …”

“Stop it, Echo,” my father bellowed while forcing himself between me and Ashley. “You’re mad at me, not her. Leave Ashley out of this.”

I screamed at him, “Leave her out of this? She’s in this. She’s all over this. Tell me she told you to accept the phone call. Tell me she explained that whatever pathetic thing you were doing wasn’t more important than your own daughter!”

He said nothing, but a single muscle in his jaw jumped. I’d found it. The truth. The truth neither of them ever wanted me to know. My mother always told me that the truth shall set me free. I didn’t feel free. Betrayal poisoned my bloodstream like a black sludge, taking over everything in its path. The two of them could no longer hide their sins. I’d remembered and I demanded penance.

My father stood stoically still. He’d killed my soul and I wanted his in return. “Mom fell apart after you left her for the nanny. And then you stole custody of us. You left her with nothing. You were her whole world. She had nothing left to live for, no reason to take the meds. You left her right when she was getting her act together!”

His eyes narrowed. “Are those words yours, Echo, or your mother’s? You’re right on one count. I did everything I could to make sure I got custody of you and your brother. I hired the best lawyers weeks before I served your mother to guarantee she’d never share custody with me. My only regret is that I allowed visitation, to give her time to spew those lies and to hurt you.”

Mom had said Aires and I were a game to him. That he used us to hurt her. “You mean you regret having me. You regret that I found out that you will pick Ashley over everything and everyone else.” I screamed so loudly my throat became raw. Every part of me shook and heat flushed my cheeks and the back of my neck. Had he ever loved me? Had he? “How could you abandon me?”

The anger drained out of my father’s face, leaving him pale and old. “I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am.”

I sniffed and fought to keep the tears from falling. I would not cry in front of him. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d ripped me into a thousand pieces. But I needed rest. I needed all the voices and nightmares to go away. I had no one now. No one. And damn them for making me beg for the one thing that could grant me a few hours’ peace. “I want my sleeping pills. I’m tired and I need to sleep. For one night, I just need to sleep.”

Ashley slid by my father’s side, placing a hand on his shoulder. She never once looked at me. “I’ll get them. The doctor said you can move up to ten mg.”

“I’ll be in my room.” I left, not caring if I ever spoke to my father again.

NOAH

Last night, Echo called while I was at work. She left a message telling me that she was taking sleeping pills and wouldn’t answer her phone until morning. She’d sounded … destroyed.

On edge, I waited by her locker before school, but she never showed, leaving me sitting there in business technology losing my damn mind. Three messages. I left the girl three messages. Hell, I didn’t leave messages, yet I’d left this girl three. Where was she?

I stared at her empty seat in the front, willing her to magically appear. Mr. Foster droned on and on. Each second on the clock took three times longer than normal to tick away. My right pocket vibrated and I dropped my pencil in order to retrieve it. Both Isaiah and Rico shot me a glance the moment they heard the vibration.

When I checked the caller ID, my heart leapt. Echo.

“Mr. Hutchins?” asked Mr. Foster.

Damn. “Yes, sir.” My phone stopped vibrating as Echo went to voice mail.

“Is that a cell phone I hear?”

“Yes,” Isaiah piped up. “Sorry, sir. I forgot to turn mine off this morning.”

Mr. Foster looked back and forth between me and Isaiah, obviously not buying it, but he held his hand out to Isaiah. “You know the rules. You can collect it at the end of the day.”

Isaiah handed over his phone without another word, giving me a sly smile when he returned to his seat. I nodded my thanks. What did I do to deserve a brother like him?

He leaned over to me once Mr. Foster resumed his boring lecture. “Tell her I said hi.”

I TORE OUT OF CLASS, HITTING the speed dial in record time. My heart stuttered with every ring. Dammit. Pick up. Her beautiful voice filled the line. “It’s me. You know what to do.”

“You’re killing me, baby.” I hung up.

I reached my locker, threw my books in and checked voice mail. Isaiah sauntered to the other side of the hallway and leaned against the wall. Beth joined him seconds later, unlit cigarette in hand. “What’s going on?”

“Echo called last period and he missed it. Now he’s pissed,” Isaiah answered.

“No, I’m not,” I snapped. Yes, I was.

Isaiah shrugged while suppressing a smile.

Echo had left a short, lifeless message, “Hey, I guess I’ll try you later. Love you.”

Dammit, Echo. You gotta give me more than that. Lunch and three more periods. I wasn’t going to survive. “I’m going to grab some food. I’ll see you guys in the cafeteria.”

“Wait. We’ll come,” Beth called out. “I’ll smoke later.”

I took nothing with me to the cafeteria, so instead of heading to my table, I went straight for the line. Echo’s little gal pals gathered at their table, oblivious to the fact that somewhere on the other side of the school walls, she was suffering. I did a double take when blue eyes met mine.

Lila typed furiously into her phone before calling out to me, “Noah!” Her entire table froze and stared at her.

“Lila?” Grace asked meekly.

Lila sent Grace a death glare and walked over to me. My opinion of her grew. “Have you talked to Echo?”

“Messages only. What’s going on?”

Lila glanced over my shoulder. I followed her gaze to see Luke staring at us intently. She continued, “I don’t know. She called me last night, but I was out with Stephen.”

At that exact moment both of our phones chirped to notify us of a text message. We simultaneously pulled them out and I sucked in a breath as I read the message from Echo: I’m across the street.

Thank you, baby, for those four beautiful words. I turned on my heel and mumbled to Lila, “Let’s go.”

I hesitated when Lila continued to stare at her phone. “She needs me,” she said and her phone chirped again. “But she says it’s okay if I don’t come.” A war of emotions played over her face. “I have a test next period and …”

“You don’t skip.”

She smoothed her hair. “Look, she keeps telling me that you’re this great guy. Do you think you could wow me and keep my best friend together until I can take over after school?”

I could do one better. I could take care of her now and after school. “Yeah.”

“Tell her I love her, okay?” said Lila. “And I’ll be right there as soon as I can.”

“Yeah.” This girl really did care about Echo. “I can do that.”

WITH THE WINDOWS OPEN, ECHO sat in the driver’s side of the gray Honda Civic her father had bought her to replace the Dodge Neon. I slid my car next to hers. As I was about to cut my engine, she turned hers on. She stared at me as I rolled down my window.

“I want to go someplace,” she said, “but I don’t want to go alone. I’m sorry I asked you to skip.”

I wasn’t sorry. “I’ll drive you anywhere you want to go, baby.”

I hoped for a smile, but instead she shook her head. Whatever happened yesterday had to be big. “Will you follow me? I kinda need a few more minutes to myself.”

“Whatever you need.” Even though I craved to be breathing the same air as her.

“Noah?” she said before I rolled my window up. “Thanks for skipping for me.” And finally, she smiled. It wasn’t huge or full of joy, but still it was there.

“Anything for you.”

MOM LOVED DAYS LIKE THIS: spring warmth with those big fluffy white clouds against a royal-blue sky.

I hated this place, no matter the weather. Resthaven would always be that gray, rainy, muggy day in June, with my brothers and me standing under a half-assed thrown-together tent. Tyler strangled my neck, crying for Mom, and Jacob asked if Mom and Dad were going to get wet, explaining to me over and over again that Mom hated getting wet. She allowed no splashing in the bathtub. Dad was in a suit and Dad would be upset if it got wet.

For the first time in my life, I’d wanted to die. I wished I had been asleep in my bed and died right alongside my parents, but then if I’d been home, it never would have happened.

My guilt was a yoke around my neck. My burden to handle. And when I graduated, I’d make it right. I’d put my family back together again.

I parked behind Echo in the east garden, under the towering oak trees. Echo had caught the traffic light entering this place and I hadn’t, giving her a head start. She sat cross-legged in the middle of the cemetery section, resting her head on her joined hands, staring at a white marble tombstone. Her red curls moved with the gentle breeze and the sun shined directly on her—an angel right in the middle of hell.

She never took her eyes off the tombstone. “Thanks for doing this, Noah. I know being here is hard for you, too.”

Hard was an understatement, but it only showed how much I cared for her. “Do you think Mrs. Collins will blame me for your sudden urge to cut school?”

Echo opened her mouth to answer, but exhaled instead. I’d said it to lighten her mood, but she was too deep to see daylight.

I sat beside her. Unable to stop myself, I raked my hand through the curls flowing down her back. Touching her in this moment was a necessity. I liked the tombstone’s simplicity: Aires Owen Emerson: son, brother, Marine.

“What did you remember?”

She rubbed her chin against her clasped hands. “He left me there. At my mother’s. I called and he didn’t answer. He … um … didn’t.” Echo lowered her head.

I continued to comb through her silky hair and listened to the birds calling out to one another. Her shoulders never shook. No tears streamed down her face. The worst type of crying wasn’t the kind everyone could see—the wailing on street corners, the tearing at clothes. No, the worst kind happened when your soul wept and no matter what you did, there was no way to comfort it. A section withered and became a scar on the part of your soul that survived. For people like me and Echo, our souls contained more scar tissue than life.

She picked at the blades of grass. “I’m alone now. Aires is dead. Mom is God knows where. My friends … well … you know. Dad was a long shot, but I pretended I had him. I tried to become the daughter he wanted to love, but …” Echo shook her head. “It sucks to be alone.”

“Come here, baby.” And with my words, Echo leaned into me: soft, pliant, broken. “You’re not alone,” I whispered into her hair as I cradled her in my arms. “You’re not alone, because you have me.” And I love you, more than you could ever know.