Текст книги "Accidentally, Love"

Автор книги: Kate Harper

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

Chapter Six

Darius woke after a surprisingly refreshing sleep and stared at the wooden ceiling overhead while he pondered the evening before. He had not thought to sleep so well, so close to the woman who had kept him awake for so many nights in London, but he had fallen asleep almost as soon as his head had hit the pillow.

Now he was wide awake and ready to tackle his most pressing problem; Miss Audrey Hathaway who had, quite unexpectedly, fallen into his lap. Meeting her here at this god-forsaken inn had been quite extraordinary, certainly better than he could have hoped for. He had thought that he would have to wait for an opportunity to see her again, especially as he had not realized Meg was such a good friend of Isabella Carstairs. Unfortunately, the presence of his brother and his stepmother was not quite so fortuitous and he could only marvel at the whimsy of fate.

‘One hand gives, the other takes away,’ he murmured sardonically. He would simply have to deal with Roddy and Judith as events unfolded. The presence of Roddy’s fiancée should help enormously, for she had every right to expect his half-brother’s full attention. As for Judith… well, he had been trying to ignore her existence for years, just as she had been trying to ignore his.

No, the presence of his erstwhile family wasn’t the issue. His problem, he was more than ready to admit, was definitely Audrey.

He sighed and clasped his hands behind his head.

Audrey Hathaway was every bit as desirable as he remembered and he remembered her all too well. She was entirely delectable, a quiet jewel that had glowed in the dim light of the inn’s unprepossessing parlor. The moment he had stepped into the room and his glance had settled on her, he had felt a strange sensation, that same small hitch in the smooth beating of his heart that he always felt in her presence.

After that look, of course, things had not gone particularly well for she had turned white and had crumpled in a heap on the rug before him and he had gone cold through and through. It wasn’t until after her mother had reassured him that her daughter had merely fainted that Darius had been able to relax again, reassured that she had taken no harm.

Clearly, Audrey had been so overjoyed to see him that she had passed out, he reflected wryly. He would have to work on that.

Still, he was heartened by the way the recognition in her eyes had so quickly been shadowed by remembrance of their two meetings. It had given him a small thrill of satisfaction, knowing that the memory of that damned kiss was still with her. Either that, or she was so appalled by the sight of him that she had been overcome by horror. If that were the case, he might just despair because he could not forget that bloody night at Almack’s or the way she had not pulled away when he had touched her in the park; would a woman who reviled him welcome his touch so readily?

Dear God, he reflected grimly, this entire adventure was a gamble and he wasn’t even sure what he was wagering.

He suspected, however, that it was nothing short of his heart and that particular item had never been on the table before.

It was because of the sorry state of his heart that he was here in Somerset now, tracking down one, particular woman. In London he had been able to pretend that his quest was by way of a release. He would meet her again and somehow purge her from his thoughts. How he would do this was unclear, although seduction had been very much on his mind. It was still on his mind, but the situation had changed. He did not want to merely take Audrey Hathaway to bed. Or rather, he did, but not just once. Having seen her again he had concluded that keeping her close, now and in the foreseeable future, was his greatest desire.

Which left him with a problem because somehow, his intentions had transformed into something far more serious. For how could he give a girl like Audrey the life her birth and breeding commanded? He was a bastard, albeit a wealthy one. But all the money in England could not change the fact that he was not the kind of man a respectable woman elected to marry. Even if he could somehow convince Audrey to marry him, her family would certainly object and he would not blame them for doing so.

‘So what the devil am I doing here?’ he muttered. ‘Bonding with my beloved family?’

Not that he would object to forging some kind of bond with his siblings. But now was not the time to pursue that, even if he had decided to do so. Even if Roddy did not wish to acknowledge he had a brother, he was inclined to make him. Darius was determined to get by the ridiculous resentments of the past and try and get to know his half siblings.

He had an uncomfortable feeling that he was in danger of growing up.

When Roddy had been younger, Darius had tried to be there for his brother. Roddy needed an older male to guide him after their father had died and for a time, it looked as if they might manage some kind of brotherly relationship. But not for long. After the earl’s death, Judith Allingham had made sure that her only son understood all the reasons why he should never listen to his bastard brother and the brief accord that had begun to grow between them had been shattered.

It had been a pity. The boy was well enough under all that awkward self-importance and he and Constance were the only family Darius had. It would have been nice to maintain some sort of contact, especially as his mother’s people did not care to acknowledge him either. Highborn Spaniards were a touchy lot and the son of Donatella Vasquez de Mallorca might have nurtured aspirations to a wealthy duchy in Spain, especially as Donatella’s actual husband had produced no heirs from their union. Like Judith, his mother’s family was convinced that Darius was out for what he could get, never once believing that Darius simply did not care enough to pursue such a prize. Indeed, Judith genuinely seemed to believe that Darius meant her own son harm, convinced that he would rob him of as much of his inheritance as he could lay his hands on. Darius suspected his stepmother’s viewpoint was based on a foundation of good, old-fashioned jealousy for she must have loathed her husband’s long-standing, openly affectionate relationship with his mistress. But her mistrust was misplaced. Darius had shared a perfectly decent relationship with his sire and had never blamed him for his illegitimacy. Donatella, his mother, had died when he was only seven but she had been passionate, reckless and utterly devoted to the Earl of Allingham. She had not begrudged his marriage to the eighteen-year-old Judith Lake for, while the Contessa de Mallorca could give him the son that he yearned for, she could not give him a legitimate heir, married as she was to another man.

It was Judith herself who had bitterly resented the arrangement. As well she might, Darius reflected wryly, for his father had made no bones about his affection for both his mistress and his eldest child. His youthful bride must have profoundly resented the presence of both in his life, especially when Darius had joined the Allingham household at Birchfield Hall after the premature death of Donatella in a riding accident. Fond as he was of his father, the old man had been a poor judge of character and ridiculously optimistic that his wife would develop an affection for his eldest son. What woman would not soften towards a young boy after such a tragedy? How could her heart not melt when faced with a motherless seven year old?

Quite easily, as it turned out. After Donatella’s death, a difficult period had ensued for all and the earl, grieving for his beloved mistress, had not managed the situation well. Judith, incensed and deeply mortified by the arrival of her husband’s bastard, had made no bones about her distaste for the arrangement and had barely tolerated Darius’ presence. She regarded him with ill-concealed fury and made sure that young Roddy never had the opportunity to grow too attached. When a sister, Constance, had been born several years later, Darius had barely seen her, so intent was Judith in keeping him away.

It had been a relief all around when he had been sent off to Harrow, although he suspected that the earl’s insistence that he have the same education as all the Allingham males had infuriated her just as much as his presence at Birchfield, for it reinforced her husband’s belief that Darius was very much a part of the family, even if he could never lay claim to the title.

And then there had been the shock of the will that must have shaken her to the core after the earl’s death. Her delight in thinking that she no longer had to have anything to do with Darius would have lasted as long as it had taken to read the old man’s wishes. In his wisdom, Darius had been left to administer the estate until Roddy was three and twenty, dispensing monies as he saw fit and keeping the extensive Allingham holdings running smoothly. Roddy was young and had much to learn about managing a large concern with multiple dependents and over a hundred tenants. Darius could well remember his stepmother’s incredulous anger as she had sat stiffly upright in her chair, draped in her widow’s black, her face as white as parchment as she had listened to her late husband’s final testament. Not only had the earl left his eldest son very generously provided for in his own right, but he had put her son’s inheritance into Darius’ hands.

‘No,’ Judith had breathed, upon hearing the words. She had surged to her feet. ‘No! I will not have it.’

Mr. Margate, the family’s man of business, had hesitated. ‘The terms of his lordship’s last testament are very specific, my lady. Kirkwood has governance of the financial dealings of the estate until Lord Allingham is three and twenty.’

Judith had turned, giving Darius a look of incandescent fury. ‘Are you satisfied now? He has finally given you the opportunity to ruin us and you will, won’t you? You will ruin us all!’

She had collapsed after that and the rest of the reading had been postponed. All things considered, Darius had understood Judith’s attitude. She felt as if she had played second fiddle to another woman since the day she had married the Earl of Allingham and nothing had ever changed her outlook. Her husband had felt a great deal of affection for his wife but he had made no bones about his love for his mistress or his eldest son. It must, Darius reflected, have been galling for a woman with as much pride as Judith, Countess of Allingham, to countenance such a public arrangement.

He had, of course, been exceedingly generous to both his stepmother and his half-siblings but it had not prevented Judith from venting her fury at the situation whenever she could. It wasn’t just because he was illegitimate and, it must be admitted, inclined to snub his nose at Society. Why not? Society certainly snubbed him for the most part, largely, he suspected, because of the Countess of Allingham’s influence. The only course of action that provided Judith with some satisfaction was that of revenge and she had taken pains to blacken his character for years, painting him as a scoundrel and a rogue. She had convinced quite a number of people that he had leached away a considerable portion of Roddy’s inheritance, despite the fact that the Allingham estates were obviously thriving. Never let the truth stand in the way of a good melodrama. Society would far prefer to hear that the illegitimate son of a nobleman was hell bent on persecuting a rightful heir. People did love a story and were more than happy to overlook truth in the search for one.

It was amusing in a way, for he had done quite the opposite of everybody’s expectations. Darius was very good at estate management. Under his stewardship, he had actually increased his brother’s holdings as well as improving farming methods on the estate itself, before he had handed over the reins to Roddy. Duty done, he had thought he would be eager to return to his leisurely, rather hedonistic lifestyle. And perhaps he would have been, if he had not met Audrey Hathaway.

That one event had thrown a fox into the henhouse.

Beautiful, bewildering, beguiling Audrey Hathaway.

It was strange how a single event could alter a man’s perception of his life. Generally, Darius did not care what people thought of him. Indeed, he had gone through life encouraging Society to think what they would for those who had so little time for the truth were not worth his time or his attention. He had learned to run his own race years ago and did not require the approbation of anybody. At least he hadn’t, up until four months ago when he had set eyes on Miss Hathaway. He had not wanted anything to change. Indeed, in the days after that meeting he had been convinced that the memory of that kiss would fade. Such experiences did, after all and he could honestly say that not one kiss before that moment had stayed in his mind for long. But weeks had passed and he was still caught up in the conversation they had shared, her voice echoing in his head. Or, he had caught the aroma of roses that reminded him of the girl for her scent had twined around his senses, subtle coils he had inhaled when he’d held her. But it was the memory of how it had felt to hold her in his arms that had been the worst of it, especially as his body had a tendency to recall the feel of her every morning upon waking. Those memories had the power to disturb him in ways that he had not experienced since he was a callow youth.

He had finally realized he had to find her if he were to have any relief.

And he had found her, here in Somerset. The question was, what was he going to do now?

For he was in deep trouble, of that there was no doubt. The sight of her collapsing onto the floor had produced such a fierce surge of protectiveness that neither Roddy nor Harry Carstairs had a hope in hell of reaching her before he had swept Audrey up into his arms. It had been pure instinct but it had been undeniable. And looking down at her face, as he had carried her upstairs under Lady Hathaway’s direction, Darius had understood the gravity of the situation.

Whatever it was that lay between himself and Audrey, it was no simple thing. Lust, he very much feared, played only a small part in it. Whatever peculiar enchantment had taken hold of him back in August still held sway over him. He had the uncomfortable feeling that, if anybody else had reached Audrey before he had, he would have pushed them aside without so much as a glance. He had spent the evening with her family – and his own – intensely conscious of the girl. He had tried to keep his eyes off her but he was sure he had only partially succeeded. Not that looking at her had been necessary for he had been conscious of every inconsequential move that she had made.

‘This is impossible!’ he muttered, throwing aside the covers.

Whatever he planned to do, it was time to get on with it. He would not achieve anything by lying abed half the morning and he was suddenly impatient to be moving. His future, for good or bad, lay before him and he had never shied away from it before. He wondered if Audrey was awake yet. He very much wanted to have a word with her alone, even though he had no idea what he would say. Speaking, he suspected, would hardly be uppermost in his mind. In fact, the very idea of being alone with her made his body tighten in a most uncomfortable way and he grimaced. Perhaps it would be better to push all thought of what he would like to do to the lovely Miss Hathaway to the back of his mind until after he had the opportunity to acclimatize to her, so to speak.

And if I do find her just as enchanting as I did yesterday? As enchanting as I did in August and September? What then? What the devil am I supposed to do then? Fall at her feet and beg her to take me on? Devil take it Kirkwood, you are destined to make an utter ass of yourself before this day is done! I’ve gone and fallen in love with a paragon that I haven’t a hope in hell of winning. Excellently done, old boy. Now let’s see how much more damage I can do…

He was only mildly disappointed to discover that the small breakfast room held only his half-brother, a decent fire and the makings of a workmanlike, but more than adequate, breakfast. Roddy was seated at the table, head bent over a plate of eggs and ham and sausages. He glanced up when Darius entered, face immediately taking on the shuttered look his older brother’s presence inevitably produced. He spoke civilly enough, however.

‘Good morning. It looks as if the sun has come out,’ he nodded to the window, where pallid sunlight was indeed putting in an appearance. ‘We might be able to get on today after all.’

‘So it seems. Did you sleep well?’

‘Surprisingly well, considering the bed was full of lumps. You?’

Darius grimaced. ‘Not a great deal better. I believe the mattresses in The Drunken Maiden need re-stuffing. The straw is clumping together.’

‘There’s tea there, freshly made. And ale, if you’re so inclined.’

‘Coffee?’

‘Unfortunately not.’

Darius collected a plate and helped himself to several thick slices of ham and a hunk of bread, which was newly made and smelled delicious. The beds in the inn may need attention but one could not complain about the food. He sat opposite his brother and poured a cup of tea.

‘I do not think that I have properly felicitated you on your engagement,’ he observed quietly, after a moment. ‘Let me offer my sincere congratulations.’

‘Thank you.’ Roddy hesitated for a moment. ‘I consider myself a lucky man. Lady Fielding is a delightful girl.’

‘Where did you meet her?’ Darius inquired casually.

‘Oh, we have known each other for years. We met in Bath some years ago and she was staying in the neighborhood.’

‘Was she indeed?’ Darius took a sip of tea. ‘I am sure your mother is delighted with the match.’

Roddy gave him a narrow glance. ‘She is, of course.’

‘Why not? Daughters of dukes do not come along all that often.’

His brother scowled. ‘I know what you are implying and you are wrong. This engagement was my idea. I encountered Beth when I returned to Birchfield Hall at the beginning of September and we… well, we hit it off.’

‘After Miss Hathaway turned you down?’

Roddy flushed. ‘Exactly so.’

Darius wanted to ask why, precisely, Miss Hathaway turned Roddy down but thought it entirely possible his brother did not know. ‘You are happy, then?’ he inquired, his voice softening.

‘Perfectly happy,’ Roddy returned stiffly. ‘I can assure you, you have no need to concern yourself.’

‘Can you blame me for being concerned? After Constance?’

His brother’s flush deepened a little. ‘Enough, Darius. I know it was a mistake. God knows, I wish I had spoken up at the time but I did not. She really did seem agreeable to the idea.’

Darius was surprised. ‘You were not happy with the match?’

‘As it happens, I was not. But I thought…’

‘Yes, of course.’  Roddy might have thought that it was a mistake but Judith would not have listened to anything her son had to say on the matter. She always knew best.

‘I should have been told what was in the wind,’ he said quietly. ‘You should have written to me.’

Roddy stared at him. ‘And what would you have done?’

‘Stopped it, of course.’

His brother shook his head. ‘You have always been so confident, have you not? I always wished that I could have even half of your assurance.’

That, too, was a surprising admission. Roddy envied him his confidence. ‘You will gather yours around you as the years progress. Indeed, I think you are doing so now,’ he observed softly. ‘You are the Earl of Allingham and you have grown into a fine man, despite your mother doing her best to quash your natural inclinations.’

Roddy studied the piece of egg on his fork for a long moment. ‘I meant to ask you something. It is… a little difficult.’

‘Indeed? What is it?’

His brother looked at him, blue eyes searching. ‘Did you have a hand in Greely’s death?’

Darius raised an eyebrow. ‘Have a hand in it? Now there’s a hell of a question. Do you think I make a habit of murdering people?’

‘I think you might murder somebody if you thought it was the only way out of an untenable situation,’ Roddy replied with unusual frankness.

‘Roddy, I am shocked.’

‘No you’re not. You are entirely unshockable. And of course I wondered. Greely died only weeks after your return to England.’

Darius shook his head. ‘Curb your imagination. Unfortunate accidents happen, especially if one is stupid enough to put oneself in danger. Greely was known for keeping unsavory company. In the end, it caught up with him.’

‘Being found with a bullet in the chest was hardly an accident.’

‘I shed no tears for him,’ Darius shrugged impatiently. ‘He was a singularly unpleasant man who kept company with men every bit as unpleasant as he was and not one person would have mourned his passing. My only regret is that Constance had to spend fifteen months in his company. I trust she is well? How’s the child?’

Roddy grimaced. ‘She came to spend time at Birchfield in October. She seemed to be in tolerable spirits and the baby is thriving.’

‘There you are then. Constance will enjoy an agreeable widowhood and Greely’s heir will be all the better for not knowing his father.’ Darius set his cup down and looked at his brother, leaning back in his chair a little. ‘Which brings me back to the subject of this engagement. I know you find it hard to believe but I merely want to be sure that you are not being manipulated into a marriage you have not orchestrated yourself.’

‘I believe I can manage my own future.’

‘I am pleased to hear it.’

There came a pause in the conversation. Darius addressed himself to his breakfast once more, wondering if his brother would now retreat into sullen silence, as he so often had in the past when he had tried to have a reasonable conversation with him. He was surprised when Roddy spoke again after a minute or two had passed.

‘I spent some time going over the estate accounts and records when I returned to Birchfield,’ he said slowly. ‘Had old Everston explain it all to me.’

‘Indeed?’

‘Yes.’ Roddy glanced up and sighed. ‘He said that you had left the place in an exemplary state. The estate was making a tidy profit and you have instituted some much needed reforms that Father had planned, but had not got around to before he died.’

‘Father was fairly sure I wouldn’t run the place into the ground when he gave me the management of it,’ Darius shrugged. ‘And it was always temporary, just until you’d found your feet. Besides,’ he added wryly, ‘he thought that by creating a need for me to administer Birchfield that there might be an opportunity for brotherly feeling to flourish. The old man was ever the optimist.’

Roddy regarded him thoughtfully. ‘I suppose there is no need for you to be in my life any more, now that the place is in my hands,’ he said quietly.

A pang, surprisingly sharp, sliced through Darius at this. He had known that his relationship with his family, specifically Roddy, for he had never had a great deal to do with Constance, would probably come to an end when his brother attained his twenty-third birthday but it was surprisingly painful, just the same.

‘I suppose not.’

‘Unless you wish to remain in my life, that is.’

Darius cocked his head a little, regarding the younger man. ‘There is always that, of course,’ he agreed softly. ‘Although I believe it would have to be a mutual arrangement.’

‘I have come to see things a little differently of late,’ Roddy murmured, his voice low. ‘I found some of father’s journals and was reading through them. They were… interesting. He really did love your mother, did he not?’

‘He loved your mother as well, although it was a far more complicated relationship. I suppose it had to be, all things considered. The arrangement between my parents must have made life exceedingly difficult for Judith. I came to see that over time. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about it. We are not responsible for our parents’ decisions, after all.’

‘No,’ Roddy agreed quietly. ‘We are not. I have spoken to Beth… Lady Fielding on the subject. I have expressed a… a desire to have you visit us, if you are amenable. She has no objections. In fact, she suggested you come to our wedding.’

Darius was taken aback. This was the last thing he was expecting to hear. While it was true that the previous evening, despite his preoccupation with Audrey, he had noticed that Roddy had been a great deal less hostile than usual, he had not given the matter much thought. But now…

‘I would like that,’ he said, very carefully. ‘You are sure?’

Roddy gave a rueful smile. ‘I am. But we have yet to break it to Mother.’

‘That will be an interesting conversation,’ Darius murmured. He looked at his brother. ‘I have always had your best interests at heart, you know.’

‘I am beginning to,’ Roddy allowed. At the sound of the door, he looked up and found Elizabeth Fielding on the threshold, smiling tentatively as she took in the two occupants of the room. Roddy was immediately on his feet, moving forward.

‘Beth! Good morning. Did you sleep well?’

‘Very well,’ she assured him, taking his hands in her own. ‘I was so tired yesterday but I do believe that I have finally slept myself awake.’

If Darius had wondered if this was truly a love match, his fears were laid to rest by this exchange and he felt a surge of satisfaction. That’s that little matter taken care of. Roddy has found the genuine article and looks set to make a decent match of it. Now all I have to do is work out my own small problem…

His brother’s forthcoming union clearly made Roddy exceedingly happy. So much so that Darius experienced an unfamiliar jolt of jealousy. As an earl and a well-established member of Society, Roderick Allingham could expect a glowing future where he and his wife would be welcome everywhere. But he could not expect anything similar in his own life. Up until this point, he had never even contemplated marriage. Why should he, when there was no need to take such a radical step? He had no title to pass on. Whatever he possessed was his to leave as he saw fit. Not once, in all of his seven and twenty years had he contemplated the prospect of sharing his life with a woman. One woman. He had risen to his feet to greet his brother’s fiancée but he was suddenly overwhelmed with what was possible and what was not.

He wanted to marry Audrey Hathaway. It was not possible. In fact, it was impossible. But he wanted to, just the same. Standing here, watching the happiness on the faces of the two people before him, he knew he wanted Audrey in his life forever; that her presence there would make everything complete.

The sound of his brother’s voice, insistent and bewildered, brought him back to his surroundings with a start. Darius stared at him blankly.

‘What?’

‘Beth – Lady Fielding – is talking to you,’ Roddy said, a trifle exasperated.

‘Oh,’ Darius gave himself a mental shake. This would never do. ‘My apologies. Lady Fielding, allow me to offer my sincerest congratulations once more,’ he said with complete sincerity. ‘Roddy is a lucky man.’

‘Roddy,’ Beth Fielding dimpled at this. ‘I like that. It’s so much less formal than Roderick. But please, call me Beth. We are family, after all.’

It occurred to Darius that, for all her air of shy uncertainty, Beth was a girl who did not hold back when she had the bit between her teeth. He wondered how much she had had to do with his brother’s sudden interest in renewing their relationship and the flicker of liking he had formed for the girl the evening before now flared into  admiration. Most females would have not have welcomed an illegitimate brother into their life and yet Beth seemed eager to do so. He had to wonder what her father, the duke, would have to say on the subject. Hell, he could hardly wait to hear what Judith said. She would not like the inclusion of her husband’s eldest son in the family proceedings and she was not a woman who often experienced rebellion, especially not from her two children.

He heard the door once more and turned his head expectantly. Audrey… She was with her youngest sister, the engaging Miss Millie, but he had no eyes for anyone but Audrey. Instinctively, he stepped forward, moving towards her.

‘Miss Hathaway,’ his voice sounded odd and he cleared his throat. ‘Miss Millie. Good morning.’

‘Good morning,’ Millie said cheerfully, coming over to the table to survey the food that had been laid out. ‘Mama is having breakfast in bed and so is Lady Allingham but Isabella and Harry will be down soon.’

Darius heard the words but did not pay any particular attention to them. His eyes were fixed on Audrey. He felt a small burst of satisfaction when she met his eyes. Color tinged her cheeks and he expected her to look away but she lifted her chin a little and continued to hold his gaze. He couldn’t help himself; he smiled. ‘Miss Hathaway,’ he repeated softly.

‘Mr. Kirkwood,’ she returned quietly, coming forward. He moved to pull a chair out for her and she sat with a murmur of thanks.

Millie had crossed to the window to peer through the curtains. ‘Sunshine! I think we should be able to go on today. Don’t you, Audrey?’

‘It would certainly make Isabella happy if we did,’ Audrey agreed, picking up a napkin and placing it in her lap. ‘She is anxious to reach home before tomorrow.’

‘In time for Christmas?’ Beth inquired, pouring tea.

‘I think we stayed in town for too long,’ Audrey smiled a little. ‘I have been reliably informed by Mama that ladies in Isabella’s condition can be rather emotional and she has a great desire to be home now.’

Millie gave a soft snort. ‘Isabella has turned into a complete featherbrain. I hope she recovers after the baby comes.’

‘Don’t be unkind,’ her sister chided. ‘You know perfectly well she cannot help it.’

‘I suppose, although if I had known having a baby made ladies so very odd I would not have been quite so happy to hear one was coming.’

‘Horrible creature,’ Audrey murmured, but she smiled a little as she said it.