Текст книги "Accidentally, Love"
Автор книги: Kate Harper
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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 11 страниц)
‘I think she loads the deck,’ Harry muttered.
‘You are just a poor loser,’ his youngest sister-in-law retorted.
‘Now Millie,’ her mother said, as she always did when Millie required a word of warning. Audrey thought they must be the two most used words in Mama’s vocabulary.
Millie sighed and turned her attention to Mr. Kirkwood. ‘Did we meet in London?’ she inquired, with an air of one making an effort. ‘I don’t believe we did for I would certainly have remembered you.’
‘No, Miss Millicent. We did not.’
‘Millie,’ Millie automatically corrected him as she always did if anybody called her Millicent. ‘If you please, Sir.’
‘Miss Millie,’ he agreed gravely.
‘I thought not. I would have remembered because of Mrs. Radcliffe.’
‘Mrs. Radcliffe?’ Kirkwood repeated, bemused.
‘The Mysteries of Udolpho,’ Millie explained. ‘Although now I am reading The Romance of the Forest.’
‘I see,’ he murmured, obviously not seeing at all.
‘You are just like one of her heroes. Although perhaps not. They were inclined to beat their chests, rather. And relapse into brooding silence. But still…’
‘What a monster you are,’ Isabella observed idly. ‘Ignore her, Mr. Kirkwood. We indulge her far too much. But what about you? Did you enjoy the Season? I don’t recall seeing you -’ she broke off, obviously remembering Mr. Kirkwood’s status in Society. She blushed, the warm color turning her creamy skin a pretty pink.
‘I am not much of a one for social events, Mrs. Carstairs,’ he returned, amused. ‘Which is fortunate, as few invitations come my way, as you can imagine.’
‘Why is that?’ Millie demanded, before anybody could leap into this conversational breech. ‘Don’t people like you very much?’
‘Now Millie,’ Mama said again, the note of warning a great deal clearer in her voice now.
Millie looked both bewildered and offended by what she obviously considered an unjust rebuke. Even so, she readjusted her tactics. ‘I am sorry. I do not think before I speak,’ she explained.
‘A refreshing quality,’ Mr. Kirkwood assured her.
‘And you must admit it was a reasonable question. Does it not seem reasonable to you that you receive no invitations because you are not well liked?’ Millie demanded judiciously. ‘Invitations arrived all the time in London. If even half of them were accepted none of you would ever have been home, so if somebody does not receive any invitations it must be because nobody wants him to come.’
‘It is rude to ask anybody about their circumstances unless one knows them very well, as well you know,’ Mama replied quietly while Audrey squirmed in her chair and Allingham looked singularly uncomfortable. The aura of tension had settled back into the room and this time they could not blame the fractious Lady Allingham. Everybody but Millie knew that Kirkwood did not receive any invitations because of his status in Society, but it was hardly something anybody would be inclined to bandy about. Certainly, Audrey reflected, Kirkwood himself must shy away from the subject.
But she had underestimated the man. ‘I do not receive invitations,’ he said in his deep, lazy drawl, ‘because people do not find me a suitable dinner companion for the most part.’
Audrey spoke quickly, knowing full well her sister would be unlikely to leave it there now that her curiosity had been piqued. ‘I am sure we do not mean to pry into your private affairs,’ she interposed. ‘Indeed, it is rude of us to do so. You should apologize to Mr. Kirkwood, Millie.’
‘Why?’ Millie demanded, genuinely puzzled. ‘What did I say?’
‘It’s what you are going to say,’ Isabella replied, sitting up in her chair and eyeing her younger sister grimly. ‘We are all well acquainted with that unfortunate tendency to utter the first thing to come into your head. Quell that urge, if you please. Mr. Kirkwood will think us all very uncivilized.’
Audrey looked at Kirkwood and met the full force of his gaze. There seemed to be a challenge in his eyes but she could not imagine what he would have to challenge her with. Once again, her mind went back to the dim, private world they had both briefly shared together and her insides clenched fiercely in response. No matter that she knew how very uncivilized Kirkwood could be, unfortunately he had the ability to provoke a very uncivilized response in her.
‘I am not flooded with invitations,’ Kirkwood said coolly, still looking at her while he continued on as if nobody had spoken, ‘because I am not considered respectable by the ton.’
‘Kirkwood,’ Allingham said softly. Warningly.
‘It’s the truth, after all.’ Kirkwood glanced at his half-brother fleetingly. ‘I do believe my status hurts you far more than it hurts me.’
‘This is hardly the time or the place. Or,’ his brother added grimly, ‘the company.’
Kirkwood gave a wry smile. ‘I take your point. My profoundest apologies.’
‘Are you a rake?’ Millie asked eagerly. ‘For I have heard all manner of things about rakes but nobody ever really explains what makes them so dreadful.’
Isabella made an unexpected sound, shock, exasperation and amusement mingling together to induce an inadvertent noise between a gasp and a giggle. She covered her mouth with her hand and coughed gently while Lady Hathaway attempted to remedy the situation.
‘Once again, Mr. Kirkwood,’ she began, ‘I beg you to excuse my daughter.’
Kirkwood glanced again at Audrey and shook his head. ‘Does such impetuosity run in the family, Lady Hathaway? Are all your daughters so forthright?’
‘I would be inclined to say yes,’ Harry said, obviously trying for a lighter note. ‘Apart from Audrey, of course. One may depend on her to behave with circumspection.’
‘Oh?’ Kirkwood had not looked away, refusing to release her eyes and Audrey found herself helpless to do so. A heavy warmth was flooding her body as he allowed her to catch a flash of the desire in his eyes. She swallowed heavily. ‘But it is always the quiet ones that surprise us the most, is it not?’
A welcome distraction occurred in the form of Mrs. Fumble as she entered the room with a tea tray.
‘I brought you all in a little supper before going to my bed. Unless you’ll be wanting anything further?’
‘We are very well taken care of, Mrs. Fumble,’ Lady Hathaway smiled at the woman. ‘You must be exhausted with all the extra work that you’ve had to do.’
‘Oh now,’ Mrs. Fumble waved this away good-naturedly. ‘T’isn’t your fault you folk landed here. We’re happy to have you. Now then, Fumble’ll be in shortly to bank the fire down for the evening.’
Mrs. Fumble’s arrival allowed Audrey the opportunity to free herself from Kirkwood’s tyrannical gaze and she shifted her eyes to the housekeeper determinedly. Kirkwood seemed keen to disconcert her and she was annoyed that she was allowing him to do so. He was, she reflected uneasily, being a good deal more provocative than was necessary. As if he wished to rouse her. To challenge her. What did he want from her?
The obvious answer made her hot and cold all at once. Would she be able to resist him if he took it into his head to kiss her again? Of course she would. The very idea of that wicked mouth crushing her own made her breath catch at the back of her throat. Her response to him was as compelling as it was absolute. He had taken advantage of her, of her inexperience and her innocence and had used her quite shockingly.
And she had reveled in every moment of it.
I must make sure that I am not alone with him for even a moment, she thought grimly. Indeed, there must be somebody with me at all times, no matter what. For there was a real danger in being so close to Kirkwood and she knew she could not trust herself to behave as she ought. It was a demoralizing thought but at least she knew enough to understand her own vulnerability.
Half an hour after the landlord had come in to bank down the fire, Lady Hathaway put her sewing away and rose to her feet. ‘I do believe it’s time for bed. For you as well, Millie dearest, if you please.’
Millie looked mildly mutinous but Audrey rose with alacrity. Retiring was the obvious solution to a very difficult, emotionally overwrought evening. Allingham looked equally relieved that the night was coming to an end and she could hardly blame him. She had been on the edge of her seat that Kirkwood would say something that would set Millie off, worried that Millie herself would press him on the subject of his unpopularity among the ton. And, as the night had worn on, she had suffered the additional worry that she would forget herself and her surroundings enough to find a way to touch him, for the urge to do so was remarkably strong. Such thoughts were madness and yet they were remarkably hard to dislodge, once they had taken up residence in her head.
It was all extremely unsettling and she needed the sanctuary and the safety of her bed. Tomorrow… well, she would deal with tomorrow when it arrived.
Kirkwood and Allingham rose to their feet.
‘Goodnight, Lady Hathaway. Miss Hathaway, Miss Millie,’ Allingham said gravely. ‘Thank you for a very pleasant evening. I know these are not the best of circumstances, but it would have been a very dull night without you.’
‘And you, Sir,’ Lady Hathaway smiled. ‘You have been excellent company.’
‘I am sorry I fleeced you so badly,’ Millie said, sounding anything but.
‘I shall survive,’ his lordship said ruefully. ‘And you have taught me a valuable lesson in humility, Miss Millie. I shall never underestimate a young lady in such a way again.’
‘We have all made that mistake. Millie is very adept at teaching one humility,’ Harry observed, giving his youthful sister-in-law a raised eyebrow.
Kirkwood stood between Audrey and the door. He gave her a bow as she made to pass him. ‘I trust you will sleep well, Miss Hathaway.’
Now what did he mean by that? Audrey inclined her head warily. ‘And you, Sir.’
‘Oh, I always sleep well,’ he assured her softly and she hastily followed her mother out of the room. It was not what he said, she decided as she began to climb the stairs. It was the way he said it, as if he meant something else entirely.
Something wicked.
‘Are you sure you are quite well, my dear?’ her mother inquired, when they reached the landing. ‘You color is quite high, again. Perhaps you should have come upstairs earlier. You did faint, after all.’
‘Perhaps I should have,’ Audrey agreed. ‘I expect I am just tired, Mama. There is no need to be concerned.’
Unsurprisingly, it had taken a long time to fall asleep that night for she had not been in the least bit tired. On the contrary, she had been unusually alert, aware of every creaking floorboard and shifting beam in the old inn. Millie, with whom she was sharing a room, was long asleep by the time she had finally dozed off. When Audrey awoke the next morning she lay quite still, considering the previous evening, pondering the unlikelihood of both the Allinghams and Kirkwood appearing at The Drunken Maiden when her own family was in residence. It felt almost… predestined in a way, as if fate had decided to take a hand in her affairs. There could be no other satisfactory explanation for Kirkwood reappearing in her life so unexpectedly, surely.
She pondered the uncomfortable relationship she had been allowed to observe between Kirkwood and his family. He was obviously unpopular. Clearly, Judith Allingham bore no love for her husband’s first born and, while Allingham himself wasn’t nearly as hostile, he seemed very awkward in Kirkwood’s presence. His attitude had certainly relaxed a little after his mother had retired but there certainly hadn’t been any of the familiar ease one might expect between brothers. How very odd that must be. Her own relationship with Marcus was something she treasured and she knew she would hate for any shadow to come between them. A wash of sympathy for Mr. Kirkwood ran through her. It must be dreadful to have a family that did not want to lay claim to you. More than that, it must be very lonely…
There is clearly a story there and probably not a pleasant one but it is none of my business. There is no point in wondering what it is. I am sure that Kirkwood has suffered, but what of it? He is abrasive and sharp and difficult. An impossible man in every way…
Audrey gave a soft sigh and stared at the low ceiling, feeling the heavy weight of oppression settle on her. She could not deny the way her heart sung at the sight of Kirkwood, as impossible as the whole thing was. She had believed she was beginning to recover from that last encounter in the park – although that recovery was constantly hindered by her inability to put either episode out of her head for more than a few hours at a time – but now she had an uneasy sense that a complete recovery was not in her future. One recovered from a cold or a bout of tiredness but matters of the heart were entirely different. She had, for whatever extraordinary reason, developed a passion for the man and there was no point in pretending any longer that her feelings for Mr. Kirkwood were more than a passing fancy.
Can one fall in love accidentally? And is it really love that I feel? I never thought that I could care for such a man but now, having met him, having spent only a small amount of time in his company, I cannot imagine wanting anyone else…
It was a frightening thought.
Kirkwood was not the kind of man who settled into marriage. Curiously, it was this, rather than the knowledge that he was a bastard and would have been considered by Polite Society to be unsuitable husband material for any respectable girl that troubled her the most. Marrying such a man might generate the censure of a horrified ton, but when one had that special someone beside you, you could face anything. Her siblings had taught her that.
She knew she was being a fool, however. Kirkwood wanted her, it was true but he was stirred by lust, not love. And she could not give in to anything so temporary.
Could she? Audrey shivered.
She thought back to the night before, wondering if her behavior had given anything of her feelings away. What if her family guessed that she had formed a partiality to the man? Perhaps her family would have put any oddness on her part down to her fainting? One did not faint every day, after all and Mama would probably think she had exerted herself too much. It was easy enough to pass off her uncharacteristic behavior to an excess of tiredness. Exhaustion was a marvelous fallback for most females, she reflected wryly. That and headaches really were a female’s best friend, designed to get one out of all manner of difficult situations. Her unexpected faint at the sight of Kirkwood had been more fortuitous than she had initially thought, perhaps.
Beside her in the double bed, Millie stirred and sighed. Harry and Isabella naturally had their own bedchamber and Mama had taken a slightly smaller room next door. It occurred to her that Mr. Kirkwood would also be occupying a bedchamber on this floor. The idea that the man who had the power to utterly entangle her emotions might be laying in a bed close by made her shift uncomfortably, sending a wave of, by now, familiar heat flooding through her. Kirkwood, sleeping peacefully. It was hard to imagine the man in repose. What would he look like at rest, without any of that restless energy pulsing through him? And what would he behave like, when he was awake…?
She groaned inwardly at the thought.
He will no doubt be leaving this morning anyway, she thought sadly. Harry said that travelling would be possible for a solitary rider. No doubt he will continue on with his journey after breakfast and we will be rid of him.
But she did not want to be rid of him. As uncomfortable, as vulnerable as his presence made her feel, it also made her feel alive in a way she had never felt before. But common sense dictated that his departure was the safest course of action all round. Best to remove temptation. She would no doubt settle down properly when she had heard that he had left the area again. She would no doubt grieve at his departure too. And in the meantime, there was a very real possibility that she would see him in the company of the Devonports over the next few weeks. How could she not, for Isabella was forever inviting Meg Devonport to Little Paddocks and they would be sure to invite Kirkwood, as he was their guest? Audrey would have a few more chances to be with him, to revel in the man’s company and experience the singular thrill of meeting those dark eyes and watching them darken with the same forbidden desire that held her in its grip…
‘Audrey? What is it?’
Her sister’s voice made her start with surprise. Turning her head on the pillow, she found that Millie was watching her. Audrey gave a smile.
‘Good morning. I did not realize you were awake.’
‘I am awake and I want to know what is wrong with you.’
Her heart sank. This was not a good start to the day. ‘What makes you think that something is wrong?’ she hedged.
‘You did not sleep well and when you did, you kept talking.’
Audrey almost flinched. She had been talking in her sleep? For heaven’s sake, she could have said anything. ‘My dreams were certainly troubled,’ she said, forcing a lightness into her tone she did not feel. One could never tell with Millie; she could be completely absorbed in whatever interested her at any given time and therefore oblivious, or she could be extremely perceptive. ‘Did I say anything silly?’
‘I wish you had. It was all mumbles and groans, as if you had a stomach ache.’
‘Perhaps something at dinner disagreed with me,’ Audrey suggested. ‘That rabbit and turnip pie was a little peculiar.’
‘I thought it very tasty,’ Millie returned, although the continuing gleam of speculation in her eyes did not bode well. ‘More likely Lady Allingham gave you the horrors. She certain looked sour enough. Do you know Mr. Kirkwood?’
Drat! Millie had picked up on her peculiar behavior. ‘I met him briefly back in London. In August, I believe,’ she replied airily. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Because he made you faint.’
Audrey blinked. ‘I… good heavens, Millie, I did not faint because of Kirkwood.’
‘I think you did,’ her sister replied with the implacable tone of one who had examined the evidence and had reached certain conclusions. ‘You looked at him and went white and then you fainted.’
Audrey bit her lip, wondering what to say. She should have thought of something convincing in the event that Millie had noticed something was amiss but her thoughts had been so scrambled since the arrival of Kirkwood that she had not thought to do so. It was so like her youngest sister to have seen what other eyes had missed.
‘It was just a coincidence,’ she said, as firmly as she could manage. I was feeling odd and then Mr. Kirkwood walked in and… and I fainted.’
‘Hmm,’ Millie said, tone noncommittal. ‘You spent a lot of time looking at him last night when he wasn’t looking at you and he did the same thing. Looked at you when you weren’t looking at him, I mean.’
‘Oh?’ Audrey hesitated. This would never do. She needed to come up with a reason for her extraordinary behavior. ‘Well, I suppose it was because I met him in London and… and we did not exactly hit it off. He wanted to know what my intentions were towards his brother.’ It was not a lie, after all. Kirkwood had wanted to know exactly that.
Millie elbowed herself upwards and propped her head in her hand. ‘He didn’t think you would be any good for his brother?’ she demanded, a certain amount of indignation underlying the question.
‘He didn’t say that, exactly,’ Audrey said hastily, knowing full well that Millie might very well speak her mind to Kirkwood if she thought her sister had been in any way insulted. The youngest of the Hathaways was fiercely loyal. Indeed, it was one of her most endearing character traits. ‘No, it was more that he wondered what sort of girl I was. Perfectly understandable I suppose, for one would want to make sure one’s brother or sister was making the right choice before they commit to marriage. Unfortunately, I took offense and we had words. Now, quite naturally, it feels awkward and I daresay he feels it as well, especially as his brother is here.’ She looked at Millie, hoping that no further elaboration would be necessary. One did not confess to an impropriety such as she had committed to one’s youngest sister. And one certainly did not confess that one was ridiculously attracted to the wretched man and wished, most fervently, for that impropriety to happen again!
Millie was obviously considering this new information. ‘I suppose I would want to know something about the man you were marrying. I liked Harry from the outset and Johanna turned out to be quite an excellent addition to the family. But we still have to find the right man for you, do we not? Nobody has been at all suitable so far.’
Audrey blinked, slightly taken aback by this. ‘Indeed? You must be a very harsh judge for I have met some very pleasant gentlemen. I thought,’ she added wryly. ‘that you were not an avid supporter of marriage?’
‘I’m not an avid supporter of marriage for me,’ Millie corrected her. ‘But you want to have children and the like and you’d be awfully good at it. So a husband is necessary, even I can see that.’
Despite herself, Audrey’s lips twitched. ‘Mama would be very reassured to hear you say so. As for a husband for me… well, there is no hurry, after all. I am only just nineteen and not yet on the shelf.’ She had a sudden thought and gave Millie a nervous glance. ‘Please tell me you have not been looking!’
‘Of course I have. Some of the gentlemen that have been courting you are not too bad, I suppose but I can’t say that any of them have been exceptional. Lord Allingham, for example. He was quite nice but I’m glad you didn’t accept his proposal because he was not at all right for you. He was quite dreadfully straight laced, don’t you think? Not at all like his brother.’ Well, Millie certainly had the right of it there. There was nothing in the least bit straight laced about Kirkwood.
‘Some people,’ she said grimly, ‘find straight laced to be a… an admirable quality.’
‘I don’t,’ Millie observed judiciously. ‘For if he is so prissy at three and twenty, what is he going to be like in ten years’ time?’
‘Sometimes you sound as if you are approaching thirty yourself!’
Millie grinned, unrepentant. ‘Now Mr. Kirkwood…’
‘What about him?’ Audrey said warily.
‘I have concluded that Mr. Kirkwood is a bastard and that is the reason he is not welcome in Society.’
‘Millie!’
Her sister raised an eyebrow. ‘So I am wrong?’
‘No! No, you are not wrong but… but it would be better by far if you did not mention it or that word.’
‘Do you mean bast -’
‘Yes!’ Audrey said forcefully. ‘Exactly that.’
‘But I don’t understand,’ Millie protested. ‘He did not seem to mind in the least. In fact, he would have been quite happy to speak of it if you all had not shushed him.’
‘And just as well we did. It is not the best topic for after dinner conversation. Besides, we cannot know how he truly feels about it.’ Audrey paused, wondering what would be a sufficient enough reason to curb her sister’s unruly tongue in case Millie took it into her head to interview him on the subject of his illegitimacy. ‘Only consider, my dear, how uncomfortable it must be for him. Imagine if your positions were reversed. How would you feel if you were not well received because of your birth.’
‘I would not care,’ Millie said immediately. ‘After all, it would not be my fault, but that of my parents. Why should I feel bad for something somebody else did?’
Audrey groaned. ‘What a wretch you are!’
‘You are being too sensitive,’ Millie said, flinging the covers to one side and slipping out of bed. She paused, glancing at Audrey again. That gleam had not died from her eyes, Audrey reflected uneasily. ‘Do you like him?’
‘Who? Mr. Kirkwood?’
‘Of course, Mr. Kirkwood.’
‘I don’t think I like him at all,’ Audrey said, on safer ground now. ‘He can be very abrasive.’ Among all the other things he could be.
‘I think he’s very entertaining. He isn’t stuffy at all and I think he would always tell one the truth.’
‘Oh I daresay. Even if they did not wish to hear it.’
‘Well that isn’t so bad is it? Sometimes the truth isn’t nearly as bad as people think,’ Millie returned, before bending to scramble for her slippers. ‘It is very cold. And I’m starving. Do you think breakfast is ready yet?’
‘I have no idea,’ Audrey muttered, wondering if she dare go down and face Kirkwood across the breakfast table, knowing full well that she had better go down or her wretched sister would want to know why. ‘Just take care with what you say, dearest. Do you promise me?’
Millie hesitated. She did not like making promises, just in case she was forced to keep them. ‘I promise not to say anything to offend Mr. Kirkwood,’ she compromised.
And Audrey was forced to accept this, knowing she was unlikely to get much more.