Текст книги "Uncovering Desire"

Автор книги: Kacey Shea

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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

JON INSISTS ON WALKING UP to my apartment. He doesn’t like my neighborhood. I’ll never admit that he’s correct in being a little concerned. We don’t have security in this building and it’s in an older, recently revitalized area. The developers and city worked to make it safe but we struggle with crime. Remnants of the neighborhood it was before.

I fell in love with the apartment the moment I walked inside almost four years ago. The loft studio is clean and modern, hardwood floors mixed with white walls and floor to ceiling windows make the space seem larger than it actually is.

As we ride the elevator up to the fifth floor in silence I wonder what to do with the rest of my evening. It’s too early to sleep but I’ve no desire to go out. I don’t feel like watching television either. Maybe I’ll find a good book to snuggle up with for the night.

The doors open and I stroll down the hall with Jon following at my right. “I feel like hot shit right now. My own personal body guard walking me to my door.”

“Yeah, just don’t ask me to call in backup, ’cause we don’t have any.” He jokes. His gait is casual, but his shoulders tense as his eyes dart, alert and ready to take on any danger.

“You wouldn’t call for help even if your shirt was on fire.” I snicker.

“True.” He smiles. “Some even say I don’t play well with others. Probably due to the fact I’m an only child. I never had to share.”

I slide my key inside the lock and open the door, walking inside to flip the lights. Jon takes his job as my personal protector seriously, scanning the room, even walking over to check the bathroom. He nods, everything meeting approval.

“You know I walk into my apartment alone most nights, right?” He runs a hand over his short hair.

“Jeez Kate, don’t remind me. You really need to find a place in a safer neighborhood.”

“But I love it here.” I pout.

“Yeah, I’m not sure you’ll love being robbed, or worse.” He glares and I look away, not wanting to think about those possibilities.

“You worry too much! I’ve lived here for years and nothing bad has happened. To me anyway.” I mumble the last part.

“Yeah. Not helping your case.” Jon laughs.

I shake my head in frustration. This is an argument neither of us will win. I know the neighborhood isn’t ideal, but I feel safe most nights and love my own space.

“Do you want to stay a little while and have a drink? I’m not sure I can sleep yet and wouldn’t mind the company.”

Jon’s eyebrows raise. “Yeah, sure. I could go for a beer.”

I walk to the small kitchen. It’s basically the length of one short wall in my rectangular studio. It sports a countertop, dishwasher, and refrigerator. I use the coffee table to eat as there isn’t any room for a proper dining table, preferring a sofa and chairs for company rather than a table. I pull two beers from the stainless steel fridge, handing one to Jon and twisting the cap off my own.

“Have you been taking on much surveillance these days?” I ask and Jon nods, taking a swig before answering. I lean a hip against the granite countertop.

“Yeah, I’m out most evenings now that we keep gaining new clients. I actually had to turn down a contract job from Scottsdale PD last week because my schedule is already booked.” His words lace with excitement and a genuine full smile fills his face.

“That’s great, Jon. I am so happy this entire PI business is going well for you and Evie. I don’t know how you hold up in the back of a delivery van like that every night, though. That would drive me nuts!”

“Well, it’s not always the taco van.” He winks. “Most nights I just take my truck. Just depends on what kind of investigation is taking place. But I’ll take these jobs any day. Yeah, sure they can be boring sometimes, but I’m a sick bastard because I get a high off busting people for lying, cheating, and committing crimes.” He’s beaming.

“Do you ever get turned on by watching people have sex?” I ask curiously.

“No.” His brow furrows into a scowl.

“No? I would understand with the couple you were following today because, come on, he was just gross and had like no skills in the bedroom and her screaming would make my dick retreat. If I had a dick. But you’ve got to come across some really hot sex sometimes.”

At his pause and sudden need to study the label on his beer bottle I know he’s holding back something.

“Come on.” I coax. “You can tell me. You know I won’t judge you. I’m just curious is all. I mean, that’s got to be kinda hard. Pun intended. After watching phenomenal sex on screen or behind a pair of binoculars and then going home alone. That has to suck.”

“You know not everyone needs a random hookup just because they’re feeling horny, Kate.” His lofty response still doesn’t answer my question.

“I know. I’m just saying… I’m just wondering…”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you just wondering about that?”

“I guess I’m just curious. I know you don’t bring any women home, Evie has told me you don’t. I just think that’d be lonely. I didn’t take you for the celibate type.”

“I haven’t taken a vow or anything. I just don’t see the point in random hook ups. When I’m intimate with someone I’d like to know more than her name. I want to really know the woman, be attracted to more than her body. I’d have to appreciate her mind, her ability to hold a conversation without making me want to stab myself.”

“Sounds like you’ve had such positive dating experiences.” I say sweetly.

“Ha!” He grins. “Yeah, something like that.”

“You know it’s not easy for women either. We have to keep our body looking in top shape, both in and out of clothes, meanwhile striking the perfect balance of being desirable without being a slut, being fun without overbearing, being independent without making a man feel that he’s not in total control. And then there is the whole waxing business. Don’t even get me started on the pain we endure just to be perfectly smooth for your pleasure. It’s not fair!”

“You wax?” He clears his throat.

“Of course I wax. Well, I don’t do it per say. I go to a woman and she and I avoid eye contact as she tortures my entire va-jay-jay region.”

Jon looks away, tilting his beer to his lips. He takes three long pulls to finish, slamming the glass bottle onto the counter.

“You want another?” I tilt my bottle, finishing the contents with one last swig.

“Yeah, that would be good.”

I turn, grabbing two more beers from the fridge. I hand Jon one, and open my own, reaching out to click the necks against each other before gulping a mouthful. The liquid runs cold and decadent down my throat.

“So is it talking about vaginas that make you uncomfortable or is it the waxing of them?”

The contents of Jon’s mouth spew, beer splashing my arms and the front of my blouse as well as the floor space between us.

“Oh fuck! Kate, I’m sorry!”

I giggle. I love messing with Jon and am rarely able to catch him off guard. His apologetic demeanor for spitting beer changes to one of annoyance as I can’t help but laugh at the mess he’s made.

“I’m sorry! I just couldn’t help myself. I didn’t think you’d soak me in beer though!”

Jon moves to the sink, turning the faucet to wet a dishcloth before dropping to his hands and knees, wiping the splattered hardwood floor. I unbutton my blouse and peel it off, wiping my sticky arms with the soiled fabric before tossing it into the sink. I’ll soak it later and hopefully get the stains out.

Jon stands, turning back to the sink. His eyes land on my discarded top and he hisses a breath. His chin lifts and I’m met with predatory intent. Raking his eyes up and down my body, Jon takes in my black lace corset bra with a look I don’t recognize. My skin heats, breath catches, and body buzzes with energy.

I’m still wearing my black knee length skirt and Jimmy Choo pumps. All the important parts of me are fully covered. I wouldn’t have stripped in front of him otherwise, but the way he’s looking me has all my girlie parts tingling in excitement.

“This is a bad idea.” He growls.

“What is?”

“This.” Jon stalks towards me in two strides, gripping the back of my head with both hands before slamming his lips to mine. His mouth moves with determined purpose, quickly working his tongue against my own.

His hard strong body presses close. Hands move from my hair down the sides of my arms, brushing over the skin gently before resting at my hips with a light squeeze. He pulls me closer and groans.

It’s too much. I’m not thinking straight because as much as I want Jon, I never in a million years expect to have him. I know that he’s still harboring feelings for our friend Evie, and I’ll never allow myself to become someone’s second place or consolation prize. I value my heart too much to let that happen.

Jon’s hands move to cup my ass and he’s doing something distractingly delicious with his lips, alternating between long and hard kisses to short soft bites against my lower lip. Oh, fuck, that feels good.

Raising my hands so they’re firmly planted against his chest, I shove. It only separates us by a few inches but gives me the space to calm my racing heart and reorganize my thoughts. Bringing one hand to my face, my fingertips graze the swollen skin from his aggressive kisses. Jon’s brows furrow.

“I’m sorry Kate. I thought you wanted this.” His hands drop from my waist.

“I do.” I whisper. “I just don’t know if you want it as much as I do.”

“You’re not sure if I want you?” I nod.

Jon imprisons my eyes with his sharp gaze. “I want you so fucking much. I think about you all the time. I think about you even when I don’t want to.”

I gulp nervously and lick my lips. They suddenly feel dry as I breathe roughly through my mouth. He’s stealing my resolve. I never give in, but I want to with him. Maybe I can let myself have him, just this one time.

Jon wraps my hand in his own and grips it over his straining erection. He moves our hands together up and down the hard length of his cock, still covered in his jeans. Even through the stiff fabric I can feel how long and big he is. I lick my lips again, this time in eagerness.

“This. This is what you do to me Kate. I want you, make no mistake.”

His hand leaves mine to trace the front of my lingerie, cupping my breasts in his large hands. I continue to stroke him. His head dips, kissing and sucking the skin on my neck. My head falls back, giving him better access and I clutch the waistband of his jeans. I work my fingers to quickly unbutton and unzip them, reaching inside to grasp the soft skin around his hard length.

He halts my progress by bending down low. I squeal as he picks me up over his shoulder. My ass is high up in the air and my head hangs upside down over his back. He slaps my butt making me yelp again.

“Bed. Now.”

He walks us over to my mattress. It sits atop a simple platform in one corner of the room, a small privacy screen dividing the space from the rest of the studio. Despite what people think, I rarely have company. The bustle of the city sounds through the large tinted windows.

Jon drops me on the bed and crawls over me, kissing my lips and stealing my breath before moving down my body. He sucks and nips across my neck and barely concealed breasts, pulling down the lace cups to suck each nipple one at a time into his greedy mouth. I feel worshiped and my panties soak in anticipation.

His hands find the zipper to my skirt and tugs. He stands from the bed, pulling my skirt off leaving me only in my bra and matching lace thong. I reach to pull off my heels but Jon halts me with his hand.

“No, these stay on. You’re my personal fucking wet dream, Kate, and I’m going to memorize every second.”

He makes quick work of his clothes and stands before me at the edge of the bed in all his glory. I’ve seen a lot of cocks and his is larger than average. I swallow in an attempt to clear my watering mouth.

“Condom.” I croak out. “We need a condom.”

“Do you have any?” He asks and I nod, remembering I have a few stashed in my bathroom cabinet.

“I’ll be right back.”

I scramble from the bed with as much grace as I can muster and make my way into the small bathroom. I open the cabinet and search, haphazardly knocking over a few things as I finally unearth the box. I catch my own reflection in the mirror.

I look wanton, I look thoroughly fucked, and I don’t look like me. And we haven’t even done the deed yet. My heart skips a beat making me question if this is a good idea. I want him. God, I’ve always wanted Jon.

“Don’t be such a chicken shit!” I whisper to my reflection. I need this. I deserve this. God damn it I’m going to enjoy this. I take a deep breath and enter the room, box in hand. As soon as my eyes find his my breath catches. He stands waiting at the foot of my bed and the intensity of his gaze cause my steps to falter.

“Come here, Kate.” He commands and I strut slowly to him, purposefully swinging my hips with each step, knowing I look damn good in these heels and lingerie. Daily yoga practice yields a stellar body.

When I reach Jon he smiles before kissing me on the lips, taking the box of condoms from my hands. He grabs my hips, turning and bending me over. I reach my arms out to the bed, catching myself from falling. I can feel him move behind me.

“You ready for me, Kate?”

I tense and he surprises me by moving my thong to the side and runs his tongue between my wet and swollen folds. Spending a few moments to lick and suck me here, making me groan in pleasure.

“So fucking hot.” He murmurs. I feel his body brush the backs of my legs as he stands and gives my ass a little spank. He reaches over to grab the box and unwrap a condom. I’ve imagined this moment countless times since I first began crushing on this man back in high school. I always thought if we made love it would be more romantic or I could at least see his face.

Jon picks up on my nerves, running one of his hands up and down my back. The other moves between my wetness, sliding two fingers inside.

“So ready for me to fuck you. Don’t worry Kate, this will feel good.”

He moves his fingers and replaces them with his hard length. He stretches me as he fills me, moving in and out with slow thrusts until he’s fully sheathed inside. We both groan at the sensation.

“So fucking tight.” He hisses.

He grips one of my hips with one of his hands for balance and uses the other to reach around, finding my clit with his index finger to rub in steady circles. He thrusts in and out, quickening his pace.

I moan loudly.

“Yeah that’s it, Kate. Let me know what you like. Tell me what you want.”

His words spur on my pleasure.

“Harder, Jon. Fuck me harder.” I beg.

He moves with renewed purpose and drops the hand on my hip. He bends over me, fitting his chest over my back. He weaves a hand into the hair at the nape of my neck and tugs. My head arches with the rest of my body. His lips find my ear, licking and whispering sweet words.

“So good, Kate. You are so good.”

His words push me over the edge and our bodies slap together with sweat and desire. I come hard, screaming out his name. A few thrusts later Jon follows me with his own release. He pulls out and stands, pulling me with him.

Jon turns my body and kisses me, rubbing his hands up and down and all over my back as his tongue dances with mine. His continued enthusiasm has me turned on and ready for a round two. I never experience this. Sex with Jon is intense but also exciting. I want more.

After a few minutes of kissing he finally releases me from his hold.

“Let me take care of this.” He motions the condom he’s now holding and I nod as he goes into my bathroom. I’m spent. Turned on, but spent. I lay in the middle of the bed. Jon is amazing. The best sex of my life.

I smile as Jon comes back into the room. I roll to my side and pat the space beside me on the bed. He grins and walks over to the bed, grabbing his pair of discarded boxer briefs before joining me. I’m a little disappointed that he’s covered up, I like this man naked and was enjoying the free show.

“So, how does this go?”

His softly spoken words confuse me. I’m relaxed and replaying the ecstasy we’ve just experienced in my head. His words pull me from my daze.

“What?”

“Like what’s the protocol here. How does this usually go? Do I stay or should I leave?”

Oh. My mind quickly fills in the gaps as I realize what he’s asking me. He thinks I fuck around, that I do this on a regular basis. That this means nothing to me. My gut twists at the knowledge. Of course he does. I’ve led everyone to believe it.

I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m just disappointed. Disappointed that he doesn’t feel the same as I do. That I’ve let my hopes get wrapped into the pleasure we’ve just shared.

If he really knew everything. About me. About how I felt about him. He wouldn’t have stayed. I was sure of it. I school my features and smile my most practiced alluring smile.

“That’s up to you Mr. Army. I got what I needed, but I won’t turn down a round two if you’re offering.” I’m disgusted at my own words, they’re in direct contrast to the feelings bouncing around inside, but I refuse to give him any more than I already have tonight. He doesn’t want to talk about feelings anyway. He just wanted to fuck.

His face is unreadable as he leans forward and gives my lips one last tender and soft kiss. He pulls back and tries to meet my eyes. I turn my face, choosing to study the thread count of the sheets instead. I have a well-practiced facade, but I feel entirely too vulnerable in this moment. I can’t handle his scrutiny.

“Okay, I should probably go then. Thank you, Kate.” Jon speaks in a low tone and rolls off the bed to stand. He dresses swiftly.

I stand, pulling my short satin robe from the bedside on over my lingerie, wrapping the tie around my waist in a loose knot. I glance at Jon to find him staring. I can’t help but blush. He stalks towards me until mere inches separate our bodies. I strain my neck to meet his gaze.

He looks into my eyes before dropping his gaze to my lips. He doesn’t move to kiss me which confuses me. His expression unreadable and penetrating. We stand like this for what feels likes minutes, though it’s probably only seconds.

“We should probably talk about what happened tonight.” He finally speaks.

“We fucked. There we talked about it.” He runs his hands over his head.

“You know what I mean Kate. This is going to affect our friendship. Are we going to keep this private or tell other people we slept together?” I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, I get it. I just don’t see how this changes anything since we aren’t best buddies to begin with and I don’t know why the hell we would tell anyone about this. Unless you are meaning Evie.”

“Well she is a close friend to both of us.”

“Oh, god. Did you fuck me to make her jealous?” I feel sick to my stomach.

“What? No!” He scowls and shakes his head.

“I swear to God Jon if you lie to me right now I will cut off your balls before you leave this apartment. Was this just to make her jealous?” Hands clenched at my sides my body shakes with anger.

“No. Although if you want a man to tell the truth it helps to not threaten his genitals, just saying.” He grins. “Look, I just want to make sure things won’t be weird the next time we all hang out together. I don’t think it’s anyone’s damn business what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own home. I only want to make sure that’s what you want.”

“Okay good.” I cross my arms around my waist.

“Good.” He leans down so that our foreheads touch and lightly skims his fingers over the satin of my robe. His scent stirs desire low in my belly. I inhale, committing to memory the smell of sex and sweat and something else that is uniquely Jon. “This doesn’t change anything. I am sure we will be back to irritating the hell out of each other tomorrow, but I had fun tonight, Kate. Lots of fun.”

He rocks back on his heels, releasing me from his hold and walks to the door. I follow behind. I bite back the urge to tell him not to go and beg him to stay the night. The fact that I even want to say those things scares me enough to keep my mouth shut.

I was never able to think rationally when it came to Jon. My want for him has always clouded my judgment. Tonight was a mistake, I’m sure of it. If things were different maybe we could have something together, but it would never work. And I don’t deserve him. Jon opens the door and turns to wave, calling out, “good night,” in the hallway before stepping into the elevator. I shut and lock my door.

My control slips and I practically run to my yoga mat. I ceremoniously roll the foam sheet onto the hardwood floor, already feeling my soul grounding. A few breaths into my flow and I’m once again centered. Being with Jon tonight unsettles the foundation of my heavily guarded heart. I take the experience and shelve it to a place deep inside myself and vow to not visit often.

With quiet acceptance of the night I understand I’m not meant to have him. I’ll move forward without fixating on the disappointment. My practice drives all thoughts from my head as I connect to my breath. I don’t know how long I’m on my mat but by the time I finish I’m exhausted, physically and mentally. Sleep comes easily as my head meets the pillow.