Текст книги "Collision"

Автор книги: K. A. Sterritt

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

“Wow.” He bit his bottom lip and shook his head. “Are you done projecting on me? Can I answer your question?”

Tears slipped down my cheeks. “I don’t remember my question.” A sob escaped from my throat in reaction to his gentle tone.

“You asked me if I’d thought about what you need.”

“Oh yes. I guess I didn’t give you a chance, did I?”

Leo smiled. “No, you didn’t. I learnt more about you from your rant though.”

My cheeks heated and I placed my cool hands on them briefly.

“I don’t know for sure what you need or why you’re there, but from what I’ve seen, you don’t either. I think you’re struggling to be two different people and it must be exhausting. I don’t think you belong with Richard, but as I’ve said, I don’t like thinking about that. I think all this fighting is making you miserable.”

I stared at him, rendered speechless by his summation. He wasn’t judging me. He had paid attention and had come to conclusions based on everything he’d seen. I’d attacked him unfairly and he’d taken it calmly.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” I said eventually. “I’m a hot mess. I think I should go.”

Leo reached over and lightly touched my face, instantly reigniting the heat. “I’m sorry for being angry with you. You were really impressive back there.”

“Thanks.” I tried to smile, but my mind was jumbled.

“Take care of yourself, Juliette.”

“You too.”

I got out of his car and watched him drive away, feeling depressed and lonely.

Chapter Seventeen

Juliette

The only thing I achieved over the weekend was finding a dress to wear to Juniper’s wedding next weekend. Determined to avoid the designer boutiques my mother insisted my dresses be bought from, I ventured past the inner city urban edge of Brunswick Road to a shopping district with Sia. We hopped on the number nineteen tram heading north, and fifteen minutes later, we arrived in the heart of Sydney Road shopping heaven. In a two-block radius, we were presented with a multitude of fashion stores filled with relatively inexpensive one-offs. Sia always told me it was hit or miss, but luckily for me, on my very first visit, I scored a home run.

Careful to stay away from whites, ivories and creams, I opted for a navy blue number with a sequined bodice, a layered skirt and a jewelled waist band. It was feminine, and in all honesty, wasn’t dissimilar from something my mother would have chosen, other than the tiny price tag that included shoes. The difference was that I’d chosen it, I’d paid for it and if I spilt something down it, no one was going to give me a hard time. I was taking ownership of something as small as buying a dress, but it felt massive, liberating, and I didn’t think I would ever love a dress more.

I struggled out of bed on Monday morning. I was sure I’d caught a few hours of sleep here or there, but I had so many thoughts running through my mind it was difficult to shut off. The recurring thought was that my adolescence and young adult life was a sham, glossed over by my futile attempt to save my mother. The worst part was that on some level, I’d known it was futile, but I’d done nothing about it. Actually, it was worse than that. I’d just dug myself in deeper by staying with Richard for so long.

I knew what I had to do. I didn’t love him, I never would and I didn’t think he loved me either. He had already seen my façade begin to crack. My feelings of guilt were solely for my mother and how miserable her life must have been to focus with such blinkered determination for her role of puppeteer. I would find a way to make her understand.

Two espressos from George later and I was as ready as I was ever going to be to face a new week. Crossing the bridge into the city, I was shocked to see council workers with bolt cutters removing the padlocks. Despite the sadness I felt for all the genuine love represented there, I was thrilled, and a small chuckle bubbled out of me. If I’d been looking for a sign, surely that would’ve been it.

When I got to my desk, I slumped down in my chair and sighed. It was going to be a really long day and it had only just begun. As if sent to taunt me, the first email I saw was from Richard confirming he’d pick me up after work at seven for dinner with our socially acceptable married friends, Fraser and Stacy. Richard and Fraser worked together as financial advisers, and Stacy and I had gone to school together. I’d seen my mother’s tight smile and I could’ve sworn her blue eyes turned green when she found out Stacy was pregnant. I was happy for them, but I just didn’t want the same things at twenty-five. I didn’t want them with Richard at any age.

Thanks to my impossible workload, the day passed quickly, and at seven on the dot, Richard texted me. He was downstairs waiting. I shut my computer down and stared as the fading screen turned to black before gathering my things and heading to the lifts. I wanted nothing more than to just go home, change into my pyjamas and go to sleep with the covers over my head. Instead, I had to pull myself together and suck it up.

Richard was leaning against a ‘No parking’ pole, talking on the phone when I exited the building. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he appeared flustered and more worked up than I’d seen him before. I moved closer, intrigued.

“It’s all under control. I’ll take care of it.”

I presumed it was something to do with work, but it was unusual to see him rattled. He liked to be seen as the big man of the finance world, invincible and above everyone else. My career was of little consequence to him, and the only time he made any reference to it was with smutty secretary jokes. When he ended his phone call and looked up, he appeared startled to see me so close. His nervous expression disappeared and a mask came down, revealing smooth features and a fake smile. I could actually see it happening and I wondered if I’d just been oblivious to it before. Perhaps I didn’t know him any better than he knew me.

“Who was on the phone?” I asked without greeting him.

He looked guilty for some reason. “Oh, um, that was just a punter.” He took a few steps closer. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

If I’d known who was on the phone and that it was me being discussed, I might have pushed. I might have pushed so hard he would have hit the ground. Then I might have crushed his skull into the pavement, spilling his worthless brain matter into the gutter where it belonged.

“So, where are we having dinner?” I asked, happily changing the subject.

Chapter Eighteen

Juliette

Dinner was more excruciating than I’d expected. Stacy drivelled on and on about her pregnancy like she was the first woman ever to experience it. Intermingled with that riveting conversation topic, I also endured Richard and Fraser discussing the commissions they’d made that week. I could’ve sworn they licked their lips when they referred to their clients as ‘punters’ and the latest deals as ‘money for jam’. Considering my mother’s foundation was one of his major clients, it made me sick. Their attitudes were what gave financial advisers a bad name, and I was embarrassed I had just let their behaviour slide. I had an overused self-preservation mechanism. I heard words come from people’s mouths and my subconscious knew when to nod, smile or make a polite, innocuous query. But I had never really listened. Until now.

“Hey, Juliette. I have a new joke for you,” Richard said, gripping my thigh under the table when we were seated at dinner.

I cringed, pushing his hand away, knowing another bad secretary joke was the last thing I wanted to hear from his mouth at that point.

“Richard,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’d really appreciate you not belittling my job in front of our friends.”

He laughed and took another long swig of his wine, either oblivious to me or pretending he hadn’t heard.

Fraser and Stacy laughed nervously. I’d always just gone along with Richard’s jokes at my expense. I’d never stood up for myself before. Richard was too busy swigging his wine and laughing. My mind was flooded with memories of all the little things he’d said during our relationship. A little jab here and there, his pretentious behaviour in public and our absolute lack of chemistry. I shuddered, remembering his rude behaviour towards Leo at my mother’s Yarra Valley function. It all flooded in and I felt a rage welling in my gut.

Slurring slightly, he began. “A secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer—”

I slammed my hand down on the table and cut him off. “I told you I didn’t appreciate your rude jokes at my expense.”

Richard waved his hand at me dismissively. “Don’t be so sensitive, Juliette.”

My thoughts turned into words and they spilled out of my mouth before I had a chance to restrain them. “I was going to wait till later, but I want you to be sober enough to understand what I’m about to say.”

Richard put his wine glass down and sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “What’s up, my love?” His asinine tone grated on me. Patronising bastard.

I turned to Stacy and Fraser, who were sitting rigid like stunned mullets. “I’m sorry, but I can’t take one more second of this.” I turned back to Richard. “We need to talk.”

Without any obvious reaction good or bad, he wiped a few drops of wine from the edges of his lips with his linen napkin. He pushed back from the table and stood up. Leaning forward, he whispered in my ear, his wine-soaked breath making me flinch. “Don’t you dare make a scene in front of our friends, Juliette.” He gripped my arm so tightly I was confident he would leave a mark. “Let’s take this outside.” Without waiting for my agreement, he made our apologies to Stacy and Fraser then dragged me out of my seat, through the restaurant and out onto the footpath.

He didn’t stop directly outside, and I quickly found myself in the darkened confines of a deserted alleyway running between the next two buildings. A dirty grey rat scuttled off, scattering onion skins over the damp cobblestones.

“What the fuck was that about?” Richard asked, pushing me roughly—one hand pinned my left arm to the cold brick wall while the palm of his other hand pushed against my chest. “You need to cool off, and then you need to go back inside and apologise for embarrassing me.”

“Get your hands off me right now.” I spat the words out, overcome by the desire to end him on the spot. “This is over. We’re over. Do you get that? I don’t want you touching me again.”

He didn’t let me go. His grip tightened on my arm while his other hand moved up to my throat, squeezing momentarily before slowly moving down my neck and chest. I knew I could have him writhing on the floor in seconds, but I wanted to hear him acknowledge we were over first.

His sneer turned into a thin-lipped smile as his knuckles grazed my breasts. “We’re over when I say we’re over, Juliette. What happened to Mummy’s good little girl? You’re so pathetic.” He grabbed the hem of my skirt, wrenching it up.

Years of emotional abuse crashed down around me. He was right. My life was pathetic and I’d allowed others to steer my life choices. I was taking control though, and he was making it increasingly easy to be sure of my decision to end our relationship. I heard his snide words loud and clear, and they were making me mad.

I reefed my left hand out of his and pushed him hard in the chest, out of my personal space. “Get off me, you son of a bitch.”

The next thing I knew, I felt a hand connect with my cheek. The bastard had slapped me. Who the fuck was he?

“You’re mine, Juliette.” His voice was rough and his eyes were almost black with a hatred I’d never seen before.

I took a few calming breaths as I watched his arrogant face smile in satisfaction at his perceived dominance. Banking on the element of surprise, I went for the sucker punch. My clenched fist, propelled by anger and resentment, landed in the solar plexus—the soft tissue between the middle portion of the chest and the abdominal muscles. I was quietly thrilled by his shocked expression and his struggle to draw breath. I had successfully winded him.

“Don’t ever touch me again, Dick.” I knew I should’ve run, but I took up a defensive stance and waited for him to recover.

He slowly stood up, rubbing his chest. “Your mother is right. You’re unstable.”

I took a step towards him and he took one back, glancing over his shoulder back up the alleyway. I hoped he was scared. He should’ve been. I had a lifetime of suppressed anger rising to the surface and I had self-defence training to back it up.

“I’ll pack up anything that’s yours in my apartment and have it delivered to your place.”

“This isn’t over.” He motioned between us.

“This should never have started,” I replied, incredulous he would still want anything to do with me.

He began walking away from me towards the busy street. Halfway, he turned and spoke with a quiet confidence. “Watch your back, my love.” He said my love with such hatred; the irony wasn’t lost on me.

I stood in the dark alley and watched Richard retreat. I was sure his ominous words were just about him wanting the last word.

Checking my watch to make sure it wasn’t too late, I called my father. Mum played Bridge on Monday nights, so I knew he’d be home alone.

“Juliette. Is everything okay?”

“Hi, Dad. I… I need you to keep an eye on Mum.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She’s going to be angry with me and I don’t want her overreacting.”

“Why will she be angry with you?”

“I just broke up with Richard.”

“Oh.”

I hated having this conversation with my father. It was awkward, but he was the best placed to know if she was going into meltdown territory.

“I’ll give her a call tomorrow, but just in case she speaks to Richard tonight, I wanted to let you know she might not take it well.”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“Okay, Dad. Just giving you a heads up. She was really invested in our relationship.”

“Okay. If there’s nothing else, I really need to get back to work. Thanks for calling though.”

I rolled my eyes and said goodbye.

Chapter Nineteen

Juliette

“Holy shit, Jules. You look awful. Are you okay?”

Sia’s greeting in the office lobby the next morning reinforced the reason I knew I should avoid all reflective surfaces for the next few hours at least. “Thanks. I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

When the lift doors opened, too many people pushed forward to get in. Sia and I found ourselves jammed into the back corner like sardines.

“Too much crazy sex with your hot man,” she whispered, trying to stifle a giggle.

I just smiled and shook my head. She couldn’t have been further from the truth.

“Are you okay?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“Lunch today?” I asked as we got out on the fifth floor before going our separate ways.

“Of course. I’ll meet back here around one?”

I nodded, making a mental note to ask her why she didn’t want to come to my desk, then watched her saunter away, swaying her hips in an exaggerated fashion.

Crazy girl, I thought to myself.

Heath was in the morning meeting when I got to my desk, so I took the opportunity to call Mum. Even though I had finally done the right thing breaking up with Richard, I knew she would think otherwise and I was worried about her.

“Yes?”

“Hi, Mum. How are you?” I said through clenched teeth.

“Fine.”

“I presume you heard.”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay?”

“Look, Juliette. I’m a bit busy at the moment. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your dramas, you know.”

I shook my head. I really couldn’t win.

“Okay, Mum. I’ll speak to you soon, then.”

She hung up, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. I would’ve preferred her to yell and scream at me.

***

“So what’s up with you?” Sia asked when we were settled at a lunch table several hours later.

I looked down at my laksa and stirred slowly. When I looked up, I could see genuine concern and I knew I needed to be honest with her. I wanted to be honest with someone.

“I broke up with Richard last night.”

Sia’s mouth dropped open and her eyes widened. “What? Are you serious? Why? What happened?”

“The short story is I met someone else.”

Sia nearly choked on her noodles and had to take a swig from her water bottle.

“Are you serious? Who? Where?” She leant forward and rested her elbows on the table. “Did you cheat on Richard?”

“No!” I was a little offended. “Nothing has happened. I just met someone who made me feel something I’ve never felt before, and it made me reassess a lot of things in my life.”

“Sounds like you need to tell me the long story.”

“We just want different things. I wasn’t as happy as you thought I was with him.”

Shaking her head, she paused for a minute. “So how did Richard take the breakup?” Did he have any idea?”

“He actually took it far worse than I expected. I’ve seen him get angry before, but he really flipped out when I insisted we were over. He got quite aggressive. At first I thought it was because I embarrassed him in front of his friends, but then he got angrier when we were alone. I don’t get it.”

“How aggressive are we talking?”

I instinctively cradled my cheek. It had been a limp slap and the slight redness had faded. I’d managed to hide what was left of the mark with makeup. “Nothing I couldn’t handle, but it was a wakeup call. I saw a whole new side to him.”

“You know that’s why a lot of people insist on a prenup before they get married? It’s impossible to foresee how anyone will behave when things go sour. It’s so easy to think both of you will be rational and fair if it doesn’t work out, but if one party feels slighted, shit can hit the fan.”

“Lucky we’re not married I guess.” I laughed humourlessly.

“Hey, speaking of weddings, it’s Zac and Juniper’s this weekend. I’ll let them know Richard won’t be coming.”

“Thank you. Hope that’s not a big inconvenience.”

Richard didn’t like Sia. He’d only met her once but had deemed her beneath us because her family was working class. I was ashamed of how long I’d stayed with him.

“It’ll be absolutely fine. As long as you’re okay. I’m here for you. I hope you know that.”

“I do. Thank you.” I pointed at her with my fork. “Now tell me how it’s going with Heath.” I scrunched up my nose. “Spare me any details from the bedroom though.”

“Oh, we called it quits. You were right. Total workaholic, but we had some fun. He has the most enormous penis.”

It was then my turn to choke on my lunch before laughing so hard Laksa came out my nose. When I’d recovered, Sia filled me in on her short-lived raunchy affair with Heath. It was far too much information for me, but she appeared happy. I wasn’t sure how I was going to look my boss in the eye.

The next few days passed in a blur of rollercoaster emotions and too much work. By the time Thursday evening rolled around, I was ready to take out some of my frustrations.

“Steady on, Jules.” Zac put one hand on my shoulder and stilled the swinging bag with the other. “Take it easy.”

I’d been letting loose on the punching bag suspended from the ceiling. I was already dripping with sweat and our session hadn’t even started yet.

I stepped back from the bag, puffing, and Zac undid my boxing gloves. “I’m fine. I think I’m warmed up now.” I smiled. I’d been imagining Richard’s head when I put the full force behind every punch.

Mum had called me several times a day, leaving increasingly irate messages, but she didn’t seem to be melting down. I’d answered the first few times but soon realised the conversations were getting us nowhere. She thought I was making a big mistake throwing away someone as wonderful as Richard and was adamant I was going to come to my senses.

The fact that Richard and I’d had no face-to-face contact since we parted ways in the alley was a relief. I couldn’t deal with the histrionics from both of them. Out of courtesy, I’d emailed him about Zac and Juniper’s wedding to let him know his attendance was no longer required. I’d received no reply.

“Juniper told me about you and Richard splitting up.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “Good riddance, I say. The guy was a dick.”

I snapped my head up. “Really?” I’d never heard Zac speak badly about anyone and his candour surprised me.

“I only met him that one time, but I got a bad feeling. I know you can do so much better.”

It was good to know I had someone else on my side. I’d committed social suicide when I broke up with Richard, and that was actually fine by me. The likes of Fraser and Stacy had never been people I would choose to spend my time with. I’d always been really happy in my own company, but I was glad to have a few real friends.

Zac started the session slower than usual, perhaps giving me a chance to recover from my self-imposed gruelling warm up. I’d been looking forward to seeing Zac all week, and I didn’t want him to go easy on me—I wanted to be pushed hard. I didn’t feel like falling apart. I did, however, feel anger towards my parents, towards Richard, but primarily towards myself. That was enough anger to push to the next level of my training.

“Holy shit, Jules,” Zac said, shaking his head. It was the first time I’d managed to blindside him and, for a few seconds, I’d had the upper hand. It didn’t last and Zac regained his superiority, but for those few seconds, it was exhilarating.

I left the gym that night feeling energised and happy. As I’d walked out the door, I automatically looked around for Richard. It was second nature and when I realised what I was doing, I smiled knowing I wouldn’t have to play along anymore. Practically skipping up the street, I became aware of the hair standing up on the back of my neck. It was hard to describe, but I felt watched and I couldn’t help stopping to look behind me. There were plenty of people around, so it was impossible to know if anyone was actually following me. It was just an uneasy feeling I couldn’t shake. Perhaps the guy from fight night hadn’t got the hint after all.

“Can you spare a dollar?” I practically jumped out of my skin when I turned back the way I was walking and was confronted by a man holding his cap out to me.

I reached into my bag, grabbed some loose change and put it in his cap.

“Thanks, pretty lady. God bless you.”

I smiled then jogged the rest of the way home despite my tired muscles. Richard’s parting words from the night we broke up had bothered me. “Watch your back, my love.” His display of aggression on Monday night replayed over and over in my head. He had been a stranger. Clearly, neither of us had shown our true colours for the full course of our relationship. I was starting to worry that his mask was shielding something far more sinister than my miserable and misguided quest.