Текст книги "Collision"

Автор книги: K. A. Sterritt

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Chapter Twenty-Four

Leo

Nightmares haunted my sleep. I watched her fall asleep in my arms. We spoke no further about the fact she’d broken up with Richard, mostly because she was giving me nothing. I knew she had baggage, I just didn’t know how heavy it was. With my own set of demons, I didn’t know if I was strong enough to shoulder a bigger load. Would she even want me to? It felt like hours later that I fell into a restless sleep.

Through a hazy fog, I dragged my feet as if wading through honey along the hallway of my family home. I grazed my hands along the exposed brick walls and looked down to see them bleeding. Unable to stem the sticky red flow, I continued on at a painfully slow pace. Screaming was coming from the kitchen and I just couldn’t get there. My feet wouldn’t let me run, however hard I tried. Too slow. Too hard. I wanted to call out, but my voice was muted. I wanted to be frustrated, but I was too tired and confused to try any harder. My subconscious was terrified, willing me to wake from limbo.

Eventually, my body found a way to the end of the hallway, and I stood in the doorway of the kitchen. It wasn’t our kitchen though. It was a kitchen I’d seen somewhere, but I couldn’t work out when or if it was even real. It was all stainless steel and marble—ultra modern and expensive. My head moved slowly around the room, features blurring into unrecognisable shapes and colours. Then my sleep-trapped mind was bombarded by a recurring horror movie, warping slightly every time.

My lifeless body dominated my vision, completely covered in blood. I was standing there staring at my own dead body. I’d heard screaming but didn’t know where it had come from. I scanned the room again, and this time the rustic country kitchen I’d grown up with had returned. A streak of blonde caught my attention and my sluggish head moved towards it. Juliette. She was holding a knife, screaming? She was crazed. Her beautiful navy eyes were black as night and her long blonde hair clung to her head in a damp mess.

“No!” I screamed, waking me from this new version of Hell. I sat up, sweat dripping from my forehead. Placing my face in my hands, I closed my eyes again, resting on my bent knees, and took some deep, calming breaths. As my heart rate decreased, I had flashes of the night before. I sat bolt upright and looked around, quickly realising I wasn’t in my own room.

Oh shit.

Juliette had gone to sleep in my arms but now had her back to me and was as far as she could get without falling off the side of the bed. Her arms were wrapped around herself protectively, and I was swamped by an overwhelming guilt. I should’ve just dropped her off last night. I’d been driven by lust and built-up sexual frustration and had barely stopped to think where her head was. She’d just broken up with Dick, for fuck’s sake.

There was something special about this beautiful, enigmatic girl, and I felt an unprecedented connection to her. I wanted more than a one-night stand, but her subconscious body language spoke of regret.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Juliette

Phenomenal sex with Leo was bittersweet. Sweet wasn’t quite the right word to describe such a mind-blowing experience, but I did feel the bitterness creep in and take hold of me. I’d wasted so many years shielding myself from anything likely to upset my mother. A one-night stand with a bartending motorbike rider, not to mention illegal fighting champion, would definitely upset her. My phone calls with my father assured me that Mum was coping. She’d stopped calling me and selfishly, I was relieved.

Leo made me feel worshipped. For one night, I felt like the centre of someone’s world rather than a disappointment. As my consciousness faded, I fought against it, wanting to hold on to the blissful sensations of his hands stroking my hair, the occasional light kiss to the top of my head. I had fallen asleep cocooned in his arms, his muscular torso a surprisingly comfortable pillow, but I woke up the same way I did when I shared my bed with Richard—with as much distance as possible between us. Annoyed at myself, I rolled over, hoping to get a chance to unashamedly admire the hottest man I’d ever seen, but instead I found myself alone. His clothes were gone and my door was closed. He must have slipped out while I slept.

I thought waking up alone after a one-night stand would involve a slew of shame, but I was completely fine with it. I wasn’t going to regret it, hang my head in shame or try to force it to be something more than it was—an awesome one-night stand. I’d never known lust before Leo, and it was far more amazing than I could’ve imagined and then some.

Leo had demons. A big part of me wanted to know what they were and maybe help him fight them. Can you help fight someone else’s demons by bringing your own set into the ring? I had no idea. What I did know was that I had a whole lot of shit going down in my life that I needed to sort out.

I got up and pulled my robe around me. I needed coffee. It was then I realised I could smell coffee and hear some clanging coming from the kitchen. I hurried towards the smells and sounds and was confronted by an unprecedented sight I wanted to photograph and put in a frame.

Leo turned towards me, a loaf of bread hanging in one hand and a coffee mug in the other. He was wearing only his black trousers, giving me a full view of his defined abs. His expression was at first unreadable, but then I watched as his eyes moved down my body before regaining eye contact. The lust flashing in his eyes could bring me to my knees, and I was grateful to be leaning on the door frame.

He closed the distance between us without dropping his gaze and kissed me as if he had no choice.

“Good morning.” His husky morning voice made it so.

“A hot man’s made me coffee and a sandwich. It’s a great morning.”

“I heard you were a coffee lover from Bea.” He handed me a steaming white mug.

“I’m a self-confessed addict, but I don’t care. I love it.”

I closed my eyes and pressed the mug to my lips, inhaling the steam. Feeling his eyes on me, I peeked over my mug, still holding it to my lips. He was staring at me with unashamed intensity.

After taking a long draw, I put my mug down and reached for a sandwich.

“So, about last night.” It wasn’t really a statement or a question. It was just a group of words thrown out there for me to do something with.

I’d already taken a mouthful, so he had to wait while I chewed slowly for my thoughts on the matter. I swallowed and placed the rest of the sandwich down.

“Look, Leo. I know the score. It’s okay.” I was clearly struggling to maintain his eye contact and instead stared at my remaining sandwich while I continued. “I had a really good time last night, but I don’t have wild illusions of this being a happily ever after. I just came out of a long-term relationship, my life is a nightmare at the moment and I really appreciated the escape from reality you gave me last night.”

Leo’s brow furrowed and his jaw tightened.

He looked like he had something to say on the topic but chose not to. We had both succumbed to a lust built up from the second we laid eyes on each other. It had felt so right. We just stared at each other. I wasn’t sure of what to say or do.

“Let’s go sit down while you finish your sandwich.” His casual tone relaxed me. “I’ll be offended if you don’t finish my pièce de résistance.”

“You like sandwiches.” It was a statement rather than a question.

“My sandwiches are epic. Don’t bother denying it.”

I just nodded and smiled. The smile was all for him. We sat down next to each other on the lounge.

“Please don’t feel you have to stick around.” I glanced at him then took a bite of the sandwich. I had no idea what he was thinking. “I actually thought you’d left when I woke up. I’m totally fine with what this is.”

“Let’s get something straight right now.” I was a little taken aback by his tone. “Last night shouldn’t have happened.”

Even though I’d said I was fine with it, I couldn’t help flinching at his words of regret. I put the plate on the coffee table and propped my leg up so we were facing each other.

His eyes softened slightly before continuing. “Don’t misunderstand. I wanted you, but I never wanted a one-night stand with you.”

“You didn’t?”

He placed his hand on my cheek, and I instinctively leaned into it. “Your strengths and your weaknesses are black and white, Juliette. I wanted to see the colours in between. I wanted to get to know who you really are behind your masks, and sex has a way of complicating things.”

I was both thrilled and saddened. His only regret was not getting to know me before our first sleepover. His eyes watched me intently.

Reaching between us, he took hold of my hand. “I think I’ve seen a little of it already.” His killer smile disarmed me. “They are moments of pure heaven.”

“Tell me?” My voice shook.

“I’ve seen moments when you let go, and it’s breathtaking. I saw you laughing with Angus and Bea at the bar last night and I watched you dancing by yourself, oblivious to everything and everyone around you. When you fell asleep in my arms, I knew I wanted to see a whole lot more of you, Jules.”

I huffed out my held breath, and my free hand clasped one of my heated cheeks. “Wow.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Leo chuckled.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“What are you thanking me for?” He appeared confused. “If anyone should be grateful, it should be me thanking the powers of the universe for you.”

My eyes cast downwards and my cheeks warmed. “You make me feel special and…” I paused.

“And what?” he pushed.

“You make me feel special and sexy.” I sneaked a glance back to his face and found a look of shock. “I’ve never felt sexy before.”

“Are you fucking serious?” He now appeared mad. He cupped my chin and forced my eyes to his. “You’re an intoxicating vixen and you’re sexy as hell.”

“No one has ever really seen me like you do,” I whispered, an unwelcome sadness now prickling my eyes.

He kissed me lightly on the lips and reminded me how we fit so perfectly together.

“Come with me.” He held out his hand and I took it without hesitation.

Leaving the plates and mugs where they were, he led me back to my bedroom. Neither of us spoke as we walked, lust crackling between us.

When we stepped into my room, he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me hard, tugging at my robe and breaking our connection for only a few seconds before crashing his lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my body into him.

“Take me right here against the wall.” His lust-filled eyes drove me wild. “I want you right now.”

“Badass Juliette is a massive turn-on. I’ll grab a condom.”

He made it to the bedside table in a few strides and retrieved what he needed. Turning, he stopped dead, perusing my completely naked body. My robe pooled at my feet. His eyes stopped on my breasts, partially hidden by my long hair.

His trousers and boxers appeared to melt off his smoking hot body. Ripping the packet open, he sheathed himself in the few seconds it took him to cross the room. I felt possessive and desperate to claim him when he picked me up and propped me against the wall. I kissed him with a need I knew was mutual. I wrapped my legs around his waist and lowered myself in one smooth motion. There was nothing awkward about sex with this man. It wasn’t strained or rushed. It was as natural as breathing and, in that moment, felt as vital as oxygen.

“Leo.”

As I came, his name rolled out of my mouth from somewhere deep inside me, and I felt him tense then groan out his own release. I was done for. Completely owned by a man who, in a few weeks, knew me better than anyone ever had.

He lowered me to the floor and stroked my face. His piercing blue eyes sought mine. “How about a shower?”

He kissed me lightly on the lips then pulled me towards the bathroom, where he reminded me again how sexy he found me.

Showered, dressed and thoroughly sated, we relaxed on the couch, still tired from our late night. It was far too easy to let the outside world fade away with Leo’s strong arms around me. While he spoke so openly about my life, he had his own unspoken issues. What the hell had happened in his family home that made him so edgy? Was that the reason he fought with such ferocity at fight night?

“So how is your mother taking your breakup?” His shoulders sagged slightly. “From what little I know, she really wants you to marry Dick. She seemed kind of obsessed by it.”

“Ugh. I know. She has always had my life mapped out, and I’ve never made a stand against her before. She’s giving me the silent treatment at the moment, so I’m not exactly sure how she’s taking it. Richard is pissed off enough for the both of them though.”

“You’re an incredible woman, Juliette.” He stroked my face. “Can’t blame the guy for being upset about losing you, even if he is a complete douchebag.”

“I’ve seen a very different side of him since I broke up with him.”

“What do you mean?” Leo sat up a little straighter.

I’d hesitated telling him last night, and I still wasn’t sure how much to share. He had already told me he felt protective of me.

“Tell me what you meant.” His eyes hardened and he clenched his jaw. “Has he hurt you?”

“He just got a little rough. Nothing I couldn’t handle, but it just seemed so out of character. I think he’s worried about the impact on his business. He’s a financial adviser, and my mother’s foundation is his biggest client.” I shook my head, still confused. “I don’t know why he’s worried though. Sometimes I think my mother likes him more than me.”

“You stay away from him. I don’t give a shit what his problem is. If he touches you again, I’ll rearrange his ugly mug.”

My thought process regarding the man sitting next to me was shooting off on a million different tracks. Leo was an enigma. With his prowess, he could fight professionally, but instead he fought illegally, risking his safety. If that paid better, why was he working for my mother or at bars?

I asked a question I’d wondered several times. “Do you fight just for the money?”

He looked at me and briefly closed his eyes. “It’s complicated.”

I leaned across and kissed him. It was meant to be quick, but he bunched the front of my t-shirt and held me close so he could deepen the kiss. It was completely futile fighting my body’s natural reaction to him. Was I being selfish? I wondered as I closed my eyes, savouring the taste of him as his tongue explored my mouth. He might be an undefeated fighter, but outside the cage was I dangerous and unhealthy for him? Would he be better off with someone who could ease his burden with a clear head and an open heart?

Leo pulled back and held my face. “Stop thinking and kiss me properly, woman.”

I smiled against his mouth, and then I kissed him properly.

“When can I see you again?” he asked when we finally came up for air.

Sighing, I contemplated my week ahead. I had to sort out whatever was going on with Richard. “I’ll call you.”

“Wow. Getting the brush-off already. Don’t call me, I’ll call you, hey?” Leo asked, raising his eyebrows.

“It’s not like that, Leo. I promise.” I placed my hand on his thigh and his hand quickly covered mine, his thumb gently tracing the rises and falls of my knuckles.

“I was only kidding. You call me when you’re ready, but considering you don’t have my number, it’s going to be hard.”

I reached for my phone. “Tell me your number. I’ll call you tomorrow night.” When he gave it to me, I programmed it in and then dialled it. “There you go. Now we have each other’s numbers. Problem solved!”

“I’ll speak to you tomorrow, then. No pressure.” He got up from the couch and retrieved his other belongings. I went down with him in the lift and we crossed the lobby. He held my hand the whole time as if he needed to maintain contact with me. We stepped outside and stopped beside his bike.

“I do want to see you again.” I meant it.

He smiled and pulled me to him. “I really don’t want to go.” He hugged my body like I was the most precious thing in the world, and I couldn’t help snuggling into his rock-hard chest. I was again surprised by how comfortable I felt against a wall of steel. We just seemed to melt into each other.

“And I really don’t want you to go.”

Leo moaned as his lips crashed hungrily into mine. I was the one to pull away and douse the flames of our hot connection. I didn’t want reality to set in, but I needed time to think.

“Thanks for last night.” I clenched my teeth in a half smile, cringing. Had I just thanked him for sex?

“You’re very welcome.” He winked as he slipped the black helmet over his head. “Bye, Jules.”

I held my hand up to wave as he pulled away.

Walking into my apartment lobby, I glanced down at my old sweat pants and faded t-shirt and realised I must look a complete mess. If only my mother could see me now. There’d be no mistaking me for a society princess in this outfit. I waved to Barry at the front desk. A concerned look passed across his face as he waved me over.

“How are you, Juliette?”

“Surprisingly good.” My cheeks warmed with the memories of just how good.

“Sorry to be a downer, but the night concierge told me Richard was here around midnight looking for you, drunk and angry. Can I presume you have parted ways?”

“Presume away. I hope he didn’t cause any trouble.”

“Nothing Joel couldn’t handle.”

“Please tell him I’m sorry. Richard isn’t taking our breakup very well.”

“You look after yourself.” His serious expression was filled with concern. “Richard has an aggressive edge and I don’t trust him. Never have.”

Another man I trusted didn’t like my ex-boyfriend. It was humiliating. I knew I wasn’t in love with him, but I hadn’t seen what everyone around me, other than my mother, seemed to see.

“I can take care of myself, but thank you for the concern. I appreciate it.”

As I took the lift to my apartment, my phone buzzed with an incoming text from Richard. When I read it, my blood ran cold.

Did you have fun last night?

I replied immediately. None of your business. Leave me alone.

You are my business, Juliette.

With anger boiling in my veins, I hit the call button as I let myself into my apartment.

“The bartender, Juliette. Really?”

“You have no say in who I spend my time with now. Actually, you never did.”

“You’re mine.”

“We’ve broken up!” I screamed, losing my patience. “It’s over.”

“Your mother is right. You’re such a disappointment. I am still willing to forgive you though.”

“Is this about money? You’re worried about losing your precious client?” I scoffed. “Trust me. Your business is safe. And if you do anything to jeopardise the foundation, you’ll have a lawsuit on your hands quicker than you can say ‘money for jam’.”

I could hear Richard chuckling. “Your father would be so proud of you. Oh no, that’s right. He doesn’t give a crap about you.”

I staggered a little and leaned against the doorframe leading to my bedroom. “Fuck you, Richard. Just leave me alone.”

“Can’t do that, princess.”

After a short pause, I looked at my screen and realised he’d hung up. Gutless dickhead, I thought to myself.

I threw my phone on the lounge. Richard was becoming a bigger problem than I’d thought. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, allowing my mind to relive the motorbike ride and every second with Leo after that.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Juliette

I missed Sia. She was going to be on leave all week spending time with family who’d flown in for Juniper’s wedding. Richard left messages at regular intervals, alternating between declarations of love and flat-out abuse. It was exhausting. His emotional torment, together with an undercurrent of worry for my mother I couldn’t switch off, was making it hard to breathe again.

As promised, I called Leo on Monday night when I got home from work, and just hearing his voice calmed me.

“You called,” he whispered on an exhale.

“I told you I would,” I replied, smiling. I took a deep breath in and relaxed as I, too, exhaled.

“How was your day?”

“It was okay, I guess.”

“That bad?”

I sighed. Did I want to let him share my burden? I really wanted to see where this could go with Leo, and telling him more about my crazy ex didn’t seem like a great way to go.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just busy at work. I’m fine. What about you? Tell me about your day.”

He didn’t respond.

“Hello?” I thought maybe we’d lost the connection.

“I’m here. Sorry. I… I was at the farm.”

I sucked in a breath, unsure of how to respond. All I knew about that place was that it was his family home and no one lived there anymore. He obviously had some kind of negative associations with the place, but he was a closed book. “What did you do there?”

“I’ve been restoring the drywall and the cobblestone driveway.”

“Wow. Leo, you’re a man of hidden talents.” I was brimming with questions, but I wanted him to offer things to me freely when he felt comfortable. I wanted to earn his trust.

“I come from a long line of stonemasons. My dad taught me the craft before he died.”

My heart broke hearing him say the words.

“I’m sorry.” I suddenly wished he was next to me so I could wrap my arms around him and offer physical comfort to him. “When did he die?”

“Five years ago.” His voice was so quiet I could barely hear him. “But that’s enough depressing stuff. When am I going to see you again?”

I smiled. “How about Thursday night?”

“I’m working at the bar Thursday night from seven, but maybe you could stop by?”

“Okay. I’ll come by after the gym. I’ll grab a shower there, so I should be with you before eight.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“Bye, Leo.”

***

When my father called just as I was heading to the gym after work on Thursday evening, I picked up immediately, worried something was wrong with Mum. He assured me she was fine but asked if I could meet with him now. Despite really needing the session with the fight coming up in a few days, I agreed. Something in his tone was off.

Instead of going to the gym, I grabbed a taxi. A short time later, I rang the front door bell on my parent’s luxury townhouse in Toorak. I held no positive association with this house and didn’t see my visits as coming home despite having grown up there. It was just bricks and mortar in a fancy location. It was better just to avoid the place as much as possible and when necessary, steel myself for a quick visit.

“Juliette.” Jean, my parent’s housekeeper answered the door with warmth that didn’t belong in that cold house.

I returned her hug and stepped across the threshold. The black-and-white tiled entrance foyer felt drafty. I shivered, wrapping my arms around myself.

“Your mother’s gone out, sweetheart.”

“I’m actually here to see my dad.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, he’s in his office.”

“Thanks.” I tried to give her a genuine smile, but my mouth just twitched instead.

Dad’s office was on the second level, so I trudged up the stairs, glancing at some new artwork I hadn’t seen before as I ascended. When I reached his door, I knocked lightly.

“Come in.” His deep voice sounded stern, and I considered turning around and walking back out. Instead, I pushed my shoulders back and opened the door. My father was sitting at his desk and didn’t look up from whatever it was he was reading.

“Hello, Juliette. Take a seat.” I felt like I was there for an interview. He had a way of making me feel like a hopeful applicant, applying for a job I was never going to get.

I closed the door behind me, walked slowly across the room and then sat down awkwardly on one of the Chesterfield leather couches. I crossed my legs, uncrossed them and then crossed them again the other way. Eventually, he finished whatever it was that had his attention, closed the book then walked over from his large mahogany desk and sat down opposite me on an identical lounge, removing his glasses.

His office was the largest room in the house. It was lined on three walls with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. A ladder was attached to runners to retrieve the books on the upper shelves. With my intense love of books and reading, it was a room I should’ve loved. Instead, it made me feel small and worthless. Or perhaps that was just the other person in the room.

“Thanks for coming.” We made eye contact briefly but both quickly found something else to look at. It was awkward.

“Is this about Mum?” I figured I might as well cut to the chase.

“How’s work?”

Shocked he would ask and even more shocked that he genuinely sounded like he cared, I stuttered my response. “Fine. Good. Busy. Err… great.” My cheeks burned as I stared at my fidgeting feet on hardwood floors. I was an adult with a respectable job. I shouldn’t have let him make me feel like such a failure.

“That’s good. I’ve heard you’re doing a really good job.”

I snapped my head up. “Really?”

“Of course. I’m well connected, Juliette. You know that.”

“Yes. I know that. I just… I just—” I uncrossed my legs and wrung my hands nervously in my lap.

“You just what?” He stood up and walked the few steps over to my couch then sat down beside me. “You just didn’t think I’d be interested in my own daughter?”

I nodded. He’d never shown any interest before, so why now?

“Where’s Mum tonight?” I asked.

“She’s gone to the theatre with Carol. That’s why I called you.” He looked uncharacteristically nervous suddenly. “I wanted to talk to you in private about her.”

“Well, I’m here. What’s going on?”

“She wanted to go to Richard’s house to talk to him. She’s worried he won’t take you back.”

“What?” I sat forward, horrified. “That’s insane.”

“I know. I talked her out of it and thankfully she had plans with Carol tonight to distract her.”

“Seriously, Dad. Can you see how messed up this is? I’m an adult and I broke up with my boyfriend. It shouldn’t be such a big deal to her.”

“She’s barely left the house lately. I thought she was okay, but I found her crying in the bathroom this afternoon. Your breakup is really upsetting her and I don’t like it when she’s upset.”

I shook my head, knowing where this conversation was headed. “So you want me to stay with Richard to make Mum happy? Put my life on hold? Again.” My words burned like acid on my own throat. “Same as always.”

I stood up and walked a few steps away.

He called out before I made it to the door. “Wait.”

I whipped around, ready to unleash some of my pent-up anger, but the look on his face made my mind go blank. I hadn’t noticed before, but when I looked closer, I saw the deep lines around his eyes and the marked increase of grey hair. No longer the vital and formidable man I always pictured in my mind, he just looked old.

“She’s more fragile than usual at the moment, Juliette. I don’t know what to do.”

I walked a few steps back. “I can’t keep living my life on her terms.” I felt a lump in my throat the size of a tennis ball and I took some deep, calming breaths to stop myself from crying.

“You’ve always been so good at smoothing the road, and you know how she can be. I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t been hasty.”

Swallowing my anger, I stood motionless, torn between my natural instinct to help her and my recent realisation that nothing I ever did made the slightest bit of difference.

“I can’t.” My voice croaked out in little more than a whisper. “I can’t keep doing this.” I repeated myself with more conviction. “I’m sorry, Dad.” I paused before saying the next words. “It’s your turn.”

His shoulders slumped and he appeared defeated. “Please sit down, Juliette.”

Despite my desire to walk away while my resolve still held, something about his plea had me walking back to the couch and sitting down obediently.

“Thank you.” He looked me right in the eye, and I could’ve sworn I saw tears threatening. Surely not. My father had never shown that kind of emotion before.

“What is it, Dad? You’re scaring me.”

“I think it’s time I told you the real reason your mother is the way she is.” He wrung his hands in his lap and I saw another glimmer of vulnerability. “Your mother is grieving.”

“Grieving? Grieving for whom?”

“She’s going to be really upset with me for telling you this, but I’m worried what will happen if you walk away from her.”

“I’m not walking away from her. I’m walking away from Richard.”

“Wait. You need to understand.”

He paused for too long. My mind was spinning out of control.

“Many years ago, we lost a baby.”

I sucked in a breath, completely blindsided by his statement. “Oh.” It was all I could think to say.

“We were young when we got married. We didn’t have much money and lived with her parents, your grandparents, on their farm. I was studying law and coming back to the farm each weekend. We were so madly in love and we were making it work. When she fell pregnant, we knew it wasn’t great timing and I had hoped to graduate and get a job in the city before we started a family, but we were still over the moon.” A sad and distant look settled across his face. “Our son died during childbirth.” A tear slipped down his cheek. “The doctors had no idea why. It was just one of those inexplicable tragedies, but from the moment we were told, we became different people.”

“It was a boy?”

“Yes. He’d be thirty-five now.” He shook his head. “It’s hard to believe.”

I felt a sense of loss for a sibling I never had and never knew about my whole life to that point. “Oh my God, Dad. I had no idea.”

“As soon as I graduated and got a job, we left the farm and she’s never been back.”

“I guess that explains why Grandma and Grandpa always came to pick me up when I went there.”

“She never spoke of what had happened once we’d left the farm. I tried to bring it up, but every time she’d turn into an ice queen and make me promise to never tell anyone. She felt responsible, like she’d done something wrong, and she didn’t want anyone to judge her. Your mother, God love her, has always worried far too much about what other people think.”

“But then you had me.”

“Yes. It was almost a whole decade later. I was working crazy hours and on the path to making partner. She immersed herself in charity work and the Melbourne social scene. Our new life was a far cry from the simple life we had as newlyweds. We had no financial concerns, and she appeared happy to be pregnant again but understandably stressed the same thing would happen. To be honest, I wasn’t around a whole lot, but I know she could barely leave the house, and when she did, she’d have anxiety attacks. When you were born, I hoped she’d relax and be more like her old self.”