Текст книги "Elusive Love"

Автор книги: K. A. Robinson

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

“Nope. You’ll see soon enough,” he said, not taking his eyes off the road.

“I hate surprises,” I grumbled even though it was a lie.

I loved surprises, cherished them even. I tried to think back to the last time Joey had surprised me with anything, and I came up with absolutely nothing.

Twenty minutes later, we were pulling into a movie theater parking lot.

“What are we doing here?” I asked.

Joey finally looked at me. His lips turned upward into a smile. “We’re going on a date.”

I shifted in my seat, unsure of what to think. “A date?”

He nodded. “I thought it would do us some good to get out and spend time together without Amelia.”

“I, uh…thank you. For thinking of this, I mean,” I stuttered, struck nearly speechless by the fact that Joey would do anything nice for me.

He shrugged, as if it were no big deal, but I knew otherwise. Joey wasn’t a natural-born romantic. Even something as simple as a trip to the movies was something he’d had to think about. Coming from him, this was more than a little surprising.

“I can’t think of the last time we went on a date,” I mused as I racked my brain, unable to come up with anything.

“Neither can I,” he said. “And that’s unacceptable. I want to start making things right, here and now.”

Touched by his thoughtfulness, I smiled. “Then, let’s go watch a movie, shall we?”

We climbed from the vehicle and walked across the lot to the movie theater. After deciding on which movie to watch, one about a zombie apocalypse, Joey paid for our tickets. We stopped at the concession stand to grab some popcorn and a couple of drinks. I nearly cried at our total, but Joey didn’t even bat an eye. Clearly, he was determined to follow through with his plan to take me on a real date, money be damned.

We walked side by side down the hallway to our theater. Joey held the door open and followed me inside. The theater was packed since it was the weekend, but I managed to find two seats next to each other. We settled in next to each other as the previews started to play.

For the next two hours, my eyes were glued on the screen. I loved the movie, but it was more than that. It had been so long since I’d been out without Amelia. I loved her with all of my heart, but sometimes, I just needed a break.

I caught Joey glancing at me a few times, but he never spoke. I waited for him to hold my hand that I’d placed on the armrest between us, but he never did. I wasn’t sure if he just hadn’t noticed it there or if he was unsure about whether or not he should. Things were so unsteady between us. He was probably just as afraid as I was of messing things up even more.

When the movie let out, we tossed our empty drink and popcorn containers into the garbage and headed back out to the parking lot.

“That was fun,” I said when we reached the car.

“Yeah, it was. I’m glad I decided to bring you here. It was nice to just get away for a while.”

Joey unlocked the car, and we both climbed inside. I fastened my seat belt before turning my attention to the theater again. I watched as couples came out together, and others went in. I noticed a guy and a girl standing a few parking rows away from us. The guy’s back was facing me, but he looked familiar, so I studied him closer. He turned enough so that I could see the side of his face.

Instantly, I realized it was Ethan. I subconsciously glanced over at Joey to see if he was paying attention to Ethan, but he wasn’t. Why would he? Joey had no idea who Ethan was or that he even existed.

I looked back at Ethan and the girl just in time to see her wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him. It wasn’t a chaste peck on the lips either. She hungrily kissed him, as if she couldn’t get enough.

My eyes widened in shock as I watched them. A fire suddenly burned bright inside of me, lighting my entire body up. Heat flooded my veins, and I felt an anger so strong that it left me speechless. Jealousy, rage, hate, despair—all of these emotions flashed through me. I felt as if I were drowning in them.

The girl pulled away from Ethan, and they continued walking to the theater, neither of them even glancing in my direction. They had no idea what had just occurred within me. They were completely clueless to the revelation I was currently drowning in. Seeing Ethan with that girl, watching her kiss him, had finally broken through whatever shield I’d subconsciously put up.

I cared about Ethan. I’d known that much years ago, but after we’d reunited, it had grown stronger. I’d felt some kind of emotion the day he told me about the girl and then later when we’d talked about her at work, but I hadn’t been able to pinpoint exactly what I was feeling.

Now, I knew.

I was falling in love with Ethan—no, I wasn’t falling. I was already there. In a few short weeks, I’d grown to love a man who most definitely wasn’t my husband.

Shame flooded me as I tried to sort through the emotions plaguing me.

Oh God, why did I have to realize this now with Joey sitting in the car next to me?

I needed time to sort through this and push it away, and I couldn’t do that with Joey around me.

“Caley? Hello? Earth to Caley. Anyone in there?” Joey’s voice snapped me out of my stupor.

I turned to him, praying that my expression didn’t show even a sliver of what I was feeling inside.

“I’m sorry. What?” I managed to get out, but my voice sounded wrong.

He gave me a strange look. “I asked, where do you want to eat? But you look like you’re going to be sick. Are you okay?”

I shook my head. “I think I need to go home.”

There was no way I could sit across from him while we ate, knowing what I had just realized.

“Sure.” He was still watching me, probably expecting me to hurl in his car.

I secretly feared that I would do just that.

My second date with Danielle was almost as boring as the first.

Our first date had been nothing more than grabbing dinner together. I’d spent the entire time listening to Danielle talk about herself. She worked at a local diner at night while attending classes at the local university during the day. She wanted to be a nurse, maybe even a doctor. I admired her ambition and had even praised her for taking such difficult classes and working at the same time, but after hearing every single detail about her classes and job, I’d wanted to stab myself in the hand just to escape her. She’d asked about my jobs but seemed as if she wasn’t really interested in them. The girl couldn’t tell a flat-head screwdriver from a wrench even if I’d labeled them for her.

We’d switched topics to our hobbies. Once again, I’d found myself bored out of my skull. We couldn’t even agree on music. She preferred country, something I despised. When I’d told her I loved rock music, she wrinkled her nose but didn’t comment.

Needless to say, we had pretty much nothing in common.

We’d parted ways in the parking lot, and I’d assumed that would be the end of it. She was a nice girl, but even she had to know that we were two completely different people.

Imagine my surprise when she’d texted me on Saturday morning just as my shift was about to end, asking if I wanted to hang out that afternoon. I’d stuffed my phone in my pocket with absolutely no plans to text her back. I’d hoped she’d take the hint and let it go.

It wasn’t that Danielle wasn’t a pretty girl because she was. Her hair was dark brown and long enough that it fell below her ribs. Her eyes were bright blue. Her nose was a little too big for her face though, and it appeared larger than it actually was next to her small lips. Like I’d said, she was pretty, but I wasn’t interested in her. Maybe if she’d come into my life before Caley, I might have felt differently.

Once I’d helped the guys, who were still being dicks, lock up the shop, I’d walked out to the counter to see if Caley wanted to spend the afternoon together. She’d told me no instantly. Apparently, Joey had been expecting her home as soon as she left work. She’d seemed nervous about it. When I had asked why, she’d explained about their late-night phone call and how she’d thought that Joey would want to talk to her about their marriage.

In my mind, I had known without a doubt that he would say or do anything to keep Caley with him. That was what today would be all about—soothing Caley so that she wouldn’t go off the deep end and do something crazy, like leave his stupid ass. He might treat her like shit, but he knew he was a lucky bastard to have her.

With that thought in mind, I had pulled my phone out of my pocket as soon as I reached my car, and I’d texted Danielle back, letting her know I would be down to spend some time together.

That was how I’d ended up at her dorm an hour later, picking her up for our second date. I’d hoped I wouldn’t fall asleep while she was around.

I’d decided to take her to the movies. I’d figured it would be my best bet. I wouldn’t have to talk to her for at least two hours, and, hell, I might even enjoy the movie.

“I’m really excited to be here with you,” Danielle said as we pulled into the theater parking lot.

“I’m, uh, glad to be here with you, too,” I lied.

We climbed out of the car and started moving toward the theater together. I was surprised when she grabbed my arm to stop me from walking.

I turned to her and gave her a questioning look. “What is it?”

She shifted nervously for a moment. I was about to ask her what was wrong when she suddenly sprang herself at me. Taken aback, I grabbed her waist as she crashed into me. Her lips landed on mine before I could process what was happening. She fiercely kissed me, surprising me. She hadn’t hit me as the spontaneous type of girl. Unsure of what to do, I held her waist as she kissed me. When she pulled away, she was breathing heavily, her eyes glazed over.

“That was…wow,” she muttered. “Sorry. I had to get that out of my system.”

I couldn’t think of a word to say. She seemed to take that as a good sign since she smiled widely at me. She took my hand in hers, and we continued across the lot, as if nothing had happened.

I hated the fact that her kiss had done absolutely nothing for me. Her body had been pressed against mine. Hell, she’d practically molded our bodies together. That should have brought forth some kind of reaction out of me. I was a male after all, and we tended to listen to our dicks first and ask questions later. But I’d felt nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. The kiss hadn’t been bad. In fact, she was a good kisser, but it left me feeling the exact same way I had felt before—empty.

Now, if Caley had kissed me like that, we wouldn’t even still be in this parking lot. I would have taken us straight back to my place, determined to strip every inch of clothing from her body.

I shook my head to clear it. Get your head out of your ass.

I didn’t need to think about Caley right now, not when I had Danielle with me and when Caley was off with her husband, probably making amends with him. God, they were probably swearing to each other at this very moment that things would change and that they’d live the rest of their lives being happy together.

My mood soured as I let Danielle lead me into the theater. I paid for our tickets without even knowing which movie Danielle had picked. I was sure she’d asked me about which movies I’d want to see—I remembered her speaking to me—but I didn’t for the life of me know what she’d said.

We ended up in a theater playing a chick flick that put every other chick flick to shame. My hopes of enjoying the movie were dashed within the first ten minutes.

I spent the entire time trying to stay in my seat and pay attention to the movie. It was so bad that I gave up halfway through, and instead, I simply focused on staying put.

When the movie finally—and blessedly—ended, we were the first ones out of the theater. Danielle rambled on about how good the movie was as we crossed the lot and climbed into my car.

Instead of being polite and asking if she was hungry, I drove her straight back to her dorm. She seemed surprised that I was dropping her off already.

“You can come up for a little bit if you want.”

I didn’t miss the flirty undertone in her voice.

Unable to keep this… this facade up any longer, I shook my head. “Danielle, you’re a really nice girl, but I think it’s best if this is our last date.”

Total silence filled the car for what felt like hours before she finally spoke, “You’re breaking up with me?” Her voice was full of disbelief.

“I can’t really break up with you since we’re not even dating,” I pointed out. I almost smacked myself. That was harsh. It wasn’t her fault that I was pissed off at the world today.

“But…what did I do wrong?”

I could tell that she was close to tears. Part of me felt guilty, but mostly, I just wanted her to get out of my car.

“You didn’t do anything, Danielle. I just think that this isn’t going anywhere. We have nothing in common. I’m sure you’ve noticed that, too.”

She went from heartbroken to angry in two seconds. “You haven’t even given me a chance, Ethan! How can you know we have nothing in common?”

I shook my head. “Please just go. I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Ugh!” she shouted as she opened her door and practically jumped out.

She slammed it so hard that I winced.

I didn’t hang around to see if she wanted to inflict any more pain on my poor car. Instead, I hauled ass out of the parking lot, relieved that I was finally free. Hopefully, that was the last time I would have to deal with Danielle.

Too aggravated to go home, I drove around town. I set my iPod to Five Finger Death Punch and let their music blare through my speakers. When I was pissed, they were always the band I listened to. They certainly didn’t help to calm me down, but hearing someone else being completely pissed at the world made me feel a little less alone.

I ended up in Caley’s part of town. I knew where her apartment building was since she had mentioned it before, but I’d never been there. I drove by the building twice, taking note of her car parked in the lot. It had been hours since work ended. Apparently, she was still patching things up with Joey.

I shook my head. Don’t go there.

I didn’t need to think about the fact that she might be in bed with him right now. If I let my mind linger on that thought for too long, I would end up knocking on her door, demanding to be let in so that I could kill the fucker.

Needing to get away before I could do something stupid, I finally turned my car in the direction of home.

“Fuck this,” I muttered to myself. “Fuck it all. Stop tormenting yourself, and just let her go. It’s not your life or your choices. The sooner you realize that, the better.”

I made a promise to myself that I would somehow walk away from Caley. There was no other option left. If I didn’t walk away, I would drive myself insane.

Hell, I might already be there.

Somehow, I managed to make it home without losing what little lunch I’d had at work. I walked straight to our room and lay down under the sheets on the bed. I curled up into a ball and closed my eyes, hoping that sleep would take me. Of course, sleep was nowhere to be found. It seemed to always disappear when I needed it the most.

Joey checked on me once and let me know he was going to my parents’ house to pick up Amelia.

Once he was gone, I covered my head with the blanket and let the tears slide down my cheeks. I hated myself in that moment even though I knew it wasn’t entirely my fault. I couldn’t control how I felt. No one could. I’d suppressed my feelings, my mind not even registering what they were. I’d been trying to protect myself without even realizing it. If I didn’t know the truth about my feelings for Ethan, I couldn’t feel this way. It was too late now though. I knew, and the deep shame I felt wasn’t going anywhere.

I heard Amelia and Joey come home, but I couldn’t bring myself to crawl out of bed and join them. Instead, I buried my head under a pillow and willed myself to suffocate. Thoughts of my family disappeared as I pictured Ethan with that girl again—her arms around him, her mouth glued to his. Rage boiled inside of me again, but it was more contained this time.

Maybe I’m jealous because he isn’t focusing on me for once, I thought, looking for any excuse I could to free myself from everything I felt. I knew it wasn’t true¸ but I hoped that maybe, just maybe, I’d start to believe it.

After hours of wallowing in my despair, I finally couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to know for sure what exactly I felt. It was stupid and reckless, but I had to know. I stood and glanced at the clock on my nightstand. It was just after nine. I’d spent most of the evening in bed.

When I emerged from our bedroom, I saw Joey sitting on the couch, watching TV.

He looked up and gave me a look of genuine concern. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I need air. I’m going out for a while.”

“Are you sure? You don’t look well.”

I hated how worried he sounded. It made the guilt I felt even worse. I wished that he would act the way he normally did. I would feel much better if he had demanded that I stay home just because he said so.

“I’ll be fine. I just…I need to go.” I grabbed my keys and phone and opened the door. “I’ll be back later.”

He called my name, but it was too late. The door had already closed, and I was heading down the stairs to the first floor. As soon as my feet hit the lobby floor, I sprinted across the room to the exit, not caring that I looked like I was running from the Devil himself. As soon as I made it to my car, I climbed in and tore out of the parking lot.

I barely remembered the drive to Ethan’s house. My hands shook, and my entire body trembled as I pulled into his driveway. I stared at his front door, trying to tell myself what the right thing to do was. I should leave, but I was still in my car. My seat belt was holding me back.

He had no idea that I was sitting out here, watching his house like a crazy stalker. If he did, he’d come out to check on me. He’d smile when he saw me, but I knew his smile would disappear when he saw whatever expression was on my face now. He’d know something was terribly wrong with me. He knew me that well. He’d always known me better than anyone, and after all this time, I knew that was still true.

If I did this, there would be no going back. He would know the truth, and there was nothing I could say, no lie I could tell, that would hide how I really felt. He would never look at me the same again. He’d probably shun me, not that I would be able to blame him. He did have that girl, Danielle, after all, and I had what was left of my marriage with Joey. That should’ve been enough for me, for both of us, but it wasn’t, not even close.

My fingers moved with a mind of their own, shutting off my car and unhooking my seat belt. I opened my car door and stepped out. The cold evening air blasted me in the face, but even it wasn’t enough to bring me to my senses.

I walked up the steps and stopped at his front door. I knocked loudly and waited. I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I tried not to think about what I was about to do.

Finally, the door opened, and there he stood. I took him in, memorizing every inch of him in case this was the last time I ever saw him. He was wearing a hat I’d seen on him several times before—a WVU football cap. It hid his black hair well. His hazel eyes gazed upon me. His full lips turned up into a smile, but it was clear he was confused as to why I had shown up with no notice.

“Caley, what are you doing here?” he asked.

“Is Danielle here?” I asked, ignoring his question.

He shook his head, confusion clear in his expression. “No. Why would she be here?”

It was like fate was trying to push me to do this. If she had been here, I would’ve been forced to think rationally, even if only temporarily.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

He held the door open further and took a step back. “Of course.”

I moved past him, my body shaking with nerves once again.

He closed the door and turned around to face me. “Everything okay, Caley? You seem kind of…odd tonight.”

The concern in his voice was evident. It made me feel even less like a good human being.

“I’m not okay, not at all,” I blurted. Tears burned my eyes, and I fought to keep them at bay.

He stepped closer to me. His expression was one of only concern. “What’s wrong? Did Joey do something? Did he hurt you?”

“I have to do this, just once, or I’ll never forgive myself for not doing it. It’ll haunt me forever. I have to know. Can you understand that?” I asked, barely making sense.

“Do what?” He seemed confused, not that I could blame him.

I stepped closer until he was within reach. I raised my hands and rested them on his firm chest. I pushed until he took a step back and then another. We kept going until his back was pressed against the door.

“What are you doing, Caley?” he asked, his voice hushed.

“Something incredibly stupid,” I whispered as I took one last step forward so that our bodies were pressed together. “Please don’t hate me for this.”

Not giving him time to ask anything else, I pressed my lips against his. He sucked in a breath, obviously caught off guard by my insane actions. I forced my body closer to his, something I’d thought was impossible. With my eyes closed, I continued to move my lips against his, waiting for the moment when he would push me away. I knew he would. It was the right thing to do. It was the only sane course of action.

Only, he didn’t. He didn’t push me away at all. Instead, his lips started moving against mine in the sweetest way. His hands found the small of my back and rested there, the heat from them searing through my shirt.

Guilt should have been crushing me under its weight. I should’ve felt like the most despicable human being alive.

But I didn’t. Instead, I felt alive. I felt weightless. I felt total and complete peace for the first time in so very long.

Ethan moaned, bringing forth a shiver from my body. The shiver was replaced by pure heat so intense that I was sure I would melt right there in his arms.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and we clung to each other as he deepened the kiss. Our breaths came in panting gasps as we stood there.

Time was lost to us. Nothing outside of us existed anymore. The uncertainty I’d felt since seeing him with her earlier was nowhere to be found.

Finally—moments, weeks, or maybe years later—we broke apart.

I rested my head against his chest, both to hide myself from his penetrating gaze and to give myself time to recover. I hadn’t expected that, not at all.

“What are we doing?” I whispered against his shirt.

“Something we should’ve done a long time ago,” he responded.

I took a step back and looked up at him in surprise. He was gazing at me with such intensity that I stopped breathing. He didn’t look as if he hated the sight of me—no, not at all. His gaze told me everything I needed to know.

He wanted me, too.