Текст книги "Date Me"

Автор книги: Jillian Dodd

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"I know, sweetheart," she says gently. "This is all pretty unbelievable. But please, don't make any mistakes. I love you. That's the only reason I even agreed to this plan. I wanted you to be able to have a somewhat normal life."

"I want a normal life too. Do you think sometime I could come there? Like spur of the moment, no one knows kind of thing. Like even you would be surprised?"

"If no one knows you’re coming, there is no way Vincent could know. But if he found out you were here, I'd be worried about getting you back safely."

"Yeah, that's true," I say defeatedly.

"So, back to love," Mom says. I can tell by the way her voice shakes that she's getting choked up.

"So when B asked me to come see him, he told me that he still loved me. He talked about us, you know, doing things sexually that weekend. How me missed me. All that."

"And so you went . . ."

"And while I was there, he snuck into a cabana and had a quickie with a groupie."

“Really? That just doesn’t sound like something Brook would do.”

“Well, he did. He told me he had to take care of something but looked all sneaky about it. I followed him. Watched him meet the girl. Watched her drag him into the cabana. Stood there for about five minutes and watched them both come out still sort of getting dressed."

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I know that you loved him."

"You know, Mom. You taught me all about protection and how not to get pregnant, but never once did you teach me how to protect my heart."

"That's because you can't protect your heart. Your heart feels what it feels. Your brain helps you decide if that person is worthy of your love."

"So you can love someone who’s wrong for you?"

"Of course. Your heart is capable of loving lots of different people in lots of different ways. The way you will love your children is different from how you love your pets. The way you love the man you marry is going to be different than the love you felt for an old boyfriend."

"So you loved and married my dad, but now you love Tommy. How is the love you felt for my dad different from what you feel for Tommy?"

"That's a hard question. Um, your dad was my best friend. He was gorgeous and he made me feel beautiful and he could always make me laugh. When I walked into a room with him, I knew every woman there was jealous that I was with him. He was caring and sweet."

“And Tommy?"

"I don't want to diminish what I had with your father, so don't take it that way. When I married him, there was no one I wanted or loved more. But Tommy felt different. He felt like my destiny. I don't know if it's because I needed to experience life before I was ready for Tommy or what, but he came into my life at just the right time. You liked him right away too. I never would've been with someone you didn't love. You were always my first priority."

"I don't know if Dawson is my destiny. But I love being with him. He's sweet and sexy. He makes me feel happy and, I don't know, I have been through a lot lately. When we first started hanging out, he told me that he felt like he was healing every time we were together. He had a really rough breakup that he was trying to get over. And I feel that way about him."

"Keatyn, you're seventeen. You don't know what your future holds. If you feel like you love him and you want him to know it, you should tell him."

"Thanks, Mom. I think I just wanted someone to tell me it was okay. I don't really trust my feelings. I never would've thought B would do something like that. I thought I loved Cush because of a pair of boots. And I thought Vincent was my friend. I must be a really bad judge of character."

"Part of life is making mistakes and learning from them. I've made plenty of them."

"You have? You're, like, perfect."

Mom laughs. "I am far from perfect and I make mistakes like everyone does. So are you going to tell him?"

"Yeah, I think so. Night, Mom. I love you. Give the girls a kiss for me.”

"Love you too, sweetie."

Wednesday, September 28th

Getting tangled up.

Lunch

"So, Monroe," Jake says, setting his tray between Whitney’s and mine. “I hear you’re trying out for the play."

"Yeah, I'm planning on it."

Whitney starts talking loudly to the table just as Peyton sets her tray down. "Okay, people. Voting for Homecoming Court is this afternoon and every vote counts. You know that Jake and I will be the perfect King and Queen." She leans over and kisses him on the cheek. "Won't we, baby?"

"I don't really care about that,” Jake says, shrugging his shoulders. “But I do want to play the Good Prince in the drama production." He turns to her. "Remember, I told you tryouts are tomorrow?"

She waves her hand, dismissing him. "Jake, who cares? This is Homecoming Court I'm talking about. It's important."

He gives her a defiant look and turns to me. "So, anyway, Monroe. You know, if you get the part of the Cheerleader Bachelorette, we're going to have to kiss a lot." He stops, licks his lips, and gives Dawson a smirk.

Whitney's face goes blank and she shuts her eyes tight, just for a second.

She rubs her hand up Jake's arm. “If it's the lead, then I'm sure you will get it. You’re talented at everything you do. You didn't mention though that the role calls for kissing."

I smile and happily inform her, "Oh, it's not just the Cheerleader Bachelorette he has to kiss. He will be kissing—what was it, Jake, four or five bachelorettes?” I turn and say to Whitney, "But, you know, it's just acting.”

I notice Peyton isn’t wearing her normal boring pumps. Today she has on an adorable pair of kitten heels. “Peyton! I love your shoes. They’re so cute.”

Yeah," Whitney says. "If you want to look like a tramp."

"Better than looking like a grandma," Peyton fires back. "And personally, I think Dawson is going to win Homecoming King this year." She gushes to me. "Wait until you see it, Keatyn. Eastbrooke does Homecoming up big. You and Dawson will dance together in front of everyone. It's a big honor. And you two are just so darn cute together."

Jake says, "As long as Dawson understands I may be borrowing her. We’re going to have to do a lot of practicing.”

Whitney shoves her tray away. "If you’re trying to piss me off today, Jake, it's working. Excuse me."

She gets up and leaves her tray on the table. Rachel and the minions immediately look concerned and follow her, all leaving their lunches on the table for someone else to pick up.

Peyton snickers and flirts with Jake. "It's kinda fun to piss her off, isn't it?"

Jake rolls his eyes, shoves the rest of his pizza in his mouth, and says, "I better go talk to her."

As Dawson walks me to French he says, "Keatie, do you really have to try out for the play? Jake had a part last year and they have a ton of practices. You won't have any time for me."

"We'll find time, Dawson. Even if I have to sneak to your room in the middle of the night."

He grabs me and pushes me up against the wall in front of French class. "We should skip class, sneak into my room, and spend the afternoon getting tangled up."

Miss Praline walks by and says, "Mr. Johnson, I think you better get yourself to class."

Stop grinning.

French

I'm thinking about the play. About how if I do get the part of the Cheerleader Bachelorette that I’m going to have to kiss both princes. Jake thinks he will get the part of the Good Prince and says that Logan will get the part of the Bad Prince. Kissing Jake will be no big deal. We're friends, but Logan will barely speak to me.

I spin around in my desk and say to Aiden, "Isn't Logan one of your best friends?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I heard he's trying out for the part of the Bad Prince."

Aiden nods and makes a little frown.

Even though I wish I could control the wattage of his smile and its effect on me, I really don't like to see Aiden frown. It just doesn't look right on his face.

"Is he nice?"

"Logan?"

"Yeah. He's in my math class. Sits right in front of me. He has a nice looking back but that's all I know about him. I tried to talk to him yesterday about the play. I don't think he likes me." I sigh. "And I'm not sure why."

"Uh, that's probably my fault."

"Your fault?"

Aiden moves his pencil around in a tight circular motion before raising his head. "I may have told him about some of my past frustrations with you."

"So he hates me," I say flatly, putting my head down and turning back around.

I'm completely, one hundred percent over the hottie god but, for some reason, knowing that his best friend hates me because of things Aiden has said about me makes really sad. That and his stupid stars.

Annie looks at me. "What's wrong? You look like you're going to cry."

I wipe a stray tear from the corner of my eye. "I think I have something in my eye."

Aiden leans up and whispers in my ear. "He doesn't hate you."

I turn back around because now I'm kinda pissed. Pissed that this idiot who I've been wasting my time tutoring for almost a month is saying bad things about me.

"You must have had wonderful things to say about me to make him hate me when he doesn't even know me."

"He thinks you kind of played me.”

“Played you? Are you kidding me? You’re the one that got all pissed off and didn’t call.”

“He’s also sort of down on love.”

"That must be why he wants to play the Bad Prince. He'll get to be the cynic."

Aiden nods. "He is kind of cynical about love.”

I do not want to talk about love of any kind with Aiden, so I change the subject to something more pleasant. "I think it's funny that Jake is trying out for the part of the Good Prince. He's so not good."

"He's a Prefect," Aiden counters.

I remember Jake's first words to me. "Yeah, but he's naughty. I love that about him."

"You said that so easily."

"Said what?"

"That you love him."

"Well, not in love. That's different."

“Have you told Dawson you love him yet?"

I fidget and rub my feet together nervously. "I told him that I'm ready for the key."

"That's not what I asked."

"Well, that's all I'm answering because it's none of your business what I say to him."

Aiden smiles. The four-ton radioactive smile.

"Stop grinning," I say and swivel back around in my seat. "It's annoying."

I’m lashing out.

Dance

"Okay, ladies," Peyton says. "That’s enough for today. Have a seat. We need to go over what's expected of you for Homecoming week. For those of you who are new this year, Homecoming at Eastbrooke is a time-honored tradition. Alumni will be on campus all week and you are expected to be on your best behavior. We’ll be working on our parade float with the alumni dancers this Sunday afternoon. After that, we’ll be teaming up with the cheerleaders and spirit club to make all the signs and banners that will decorate the halls this week. These are required activities.”

She looks down at her notebook and continues. “You're expected to go all out on dress-up days. Monday is Groovy 70’s. Peace. Love. Cougars. Think tie-dye and bell-bottoms. Tuesday is Pajama Day. A lot of girls will wear those zip-up onesies. They make your ass look horrible. Like you’re wearing a diaper with a load in it. I don't want to see any dancers in one of those ugly things. Wednesday is Western Day. Think cowboy boots, bandanas, and hats. Thursday is Sports Day. You'll need to borrow a Varsity player's football jersey for that day and pair it with your red sequined skirt. We'll perform at the pep rally, bonfire, and for the JV game. Friday is School Spirit Day. Normally, that's the day we would wear the football jerseys but I'd like to do something different this year. Shake some things up. Anyone have any ideas?”

Katie whispers to me, “How cute would it be to dress as little cougar kitties? Like all in leopard or something?”

I whisper back, “Tell her. That’s an awesome idea! Although I’ve never understood why they have leopard print mixed with their school colors when a cougar is different than a leopard.”

“Probably because leopard print is easier to find?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s true. So tell her.”

“No, it’s a stupid.”

I raise my hand.

“Yeah, Keatyn?” Peyton says.

“Katie and I think it would be cute if instead of wearing school colors, we dress as cougar kitties.”

Peyton’s eyes light up. “That would be cute. We could wear leopard ears and tails. Those would be easy to buy. What about the outfit?”

“We have those black tanks and flutter skirts that are required for our dance competition. We could wear those.”

“That’s perfect. Good job, girls. On Saturday, we’ll all be attending the Ladies’ Luncheon. Please dress appropriately. Nothing low cut or too short.” She glances down again. “All right. I think that covers it all. I’m looking forward to a fun week.”

After practice, Peyton pulls me aside. “Jake really pissed Whitney off at lunch today. It was awesome.”

“What’s gotten into you lately? Are you mad at her?”

She shrugs. “I hate how she just assumes that she’ll win Homecoming Queen. Like I don’t even have a chance. It pisses me off. I guess I’m lashing out.”

“I thought you were best friends.”

Peyton rolls her eyes. “We have a weird friendship, I guess. Maybe I’m just getting sick of feeling like I’m always supposed to come in second. I’m probably too competitive.” She turns to Katie. “Great idea on the little cougars. We’re going to look hot.”

My supposed rebound.

7pm

Dawson takes me to the cute little Italian restaurant he brought me to on the day we bought my car. I know he's going to ask me out tonight, so I wanted to look extra cute. I straightened my hair but then teased it to look a little messy and sexy. The dress I'm wearing is a multicolored, crocheted Free People dress with a fringy hem. I couldn't decide if I wanted to wear the tall teal suede boots I got to go with it or the strappy purple suede heels. I went with the heels.

We have a nice dinner, chat pleasantly about Homecoming, about his family coming, but not once about our relationship.

I hope I didn't waste this adorable outfit on nothing.

After dinner, he parks his car down by the field house and leads me out onto the big green commons ground, where we played football and he kissed me in the grass.

My heels are sinking into the damp grass and I'm worrying about ruining the suede when he says, “This is where I first laid eyes on you."

“No, it’s not. We met at dinner, when you said Riley was a cheap imitation of the real thing.”

He scrunches up his nose. Kisses me. "You tease me about the worse kiss ever, but you're lucky I even talked to you. You were so mean.”

I laugh. “You were a jerk, and, besides, I apologized.”

“Still, this is where I first saw you. When you stole the soccer ball from me.”

I remember that day so vividly. Like it was a scene out of a movie. I felt free and fearless. I could never have done something like that at my old school.

I glance over at the goal. The spot where I first saw Aiden.

I can still feel that instant connection.

But I’ve learned that instant connections aren’t enough. Sparks aren’t enough.

My mom always says that life is about the choices you make. And I know that I’ve made the right choice. The smart decision.

Because I’m here with Dawson.

“You didn’t have a shirt on that day. I thought you were gorgeous."

"I thought you were crazy." He laughs and grabs a piece of my hair, twirling it lightly on his finger. "Crazy, but hot. So, Keatie, will you be my girlfriend?" His big brown eyes glitter in the moonlight.

Our relationship has been all backwards. Bad first impressions. Bad manners. Bad kisses. Sex way too soon. My supposed rebound could have gone horribly wrong in so many ways.

But it hasn't. It's been better than I could have scripted.

"I'd love to be your girlfriend, Dawson."

He undoes the necklace. I turn around and lift my hair up, while he clasps the key to his heart around my neck.

Of course, once he has it clasped he attacks my neck with his mouth.

Cool your orange panties.

11pm

I'm lying in bed lazily sliding the key back and forth on the chain and thinking about tonight. How Dawson attacked my neck. How he stopped hugging me and started rubbing his hands up and down my sides. How he slid his hand up under my dress and inside my panties. How I stood there in the dark thinking, What if someone can tell what he's doing to me, but not caring enough to stop him. How by the time he was done all I could think about was having him come to my house for a wild playdate. The kind of playdate where the parents aren't home so the kids eat sugar, jump on the beds, and color all over the walls. How I dragged him to the lacrosse field. How the bleachers felt cold on my naked ass and how it contrasted so perfectly with the hotness of him on top of me.

He texts me at the same time a Facebook notification pops up.

Dawson Johnson and Kiki Kiki are in a relationship.

It shows a photo timeline of us together. Kissing on the bench. At the Hamptons partying. Holding my hand at lunch. Kissing after he asked me to Homecoming. I accept our relationship and change my profile picture to the one of us kissing. You can't really see my face, just how I leapt up into his arms and gave him a kiss worthy of the sexy way he asked me.

Katie pops up out of her bed. "Keatyn! Dawson asked you out? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Everyone already thinks we're going out. We just made it official tonight."

"How did he ask? Was is dreamy?"

"I'm not sure about dreamy. He was just sweet. We went to dinner, and then he took me down on the soccer field where he first saw me. Asked me there.”

"Then what?"

"Then he was being naughty, so I dragged him to the lacrosse field."

"I want to go to the lacrosse field. I’ve heard it's a nice, private place."

"I little cold but, yeah, it was."

"So are you finally going to admit that you and Dawson are having sex?"

I laugh. "Probably not."

"But you are, right?"

I nod my head and laugh. “Probably.”

She leaps across the room and onto my bed. "Tell me about it, please. Let me live vicariously through you. I don't even have a date for Homecoming and it's only a week away!"

"I have an idea of someone you could go with. I know you’ve been hanging out with Jordan, but I heard him say that he didn't want a date."

She slumps her shoulders, picks up one of my pillows, and hugs it. "I was hoping Tyrese would ask me, but he's been seeing that Macy chick."

"Yeah, he hasn't hung out or partied with us in a while. Dawson says he does that. He gets all into a girl and forgets about his friends."

"So you have an idea of someone I could go with?"

"What about Dallas?"

"He is so cute. Do you think he would want to go with me?"

“I know he thinks you’re cute."

Her face brightens. "Ohmigosh, really? He’s adorable. Can you talk to him?"

"Should I call him now?"

"Oh, I don't know." She smooths her hair down with her hand. "I look like a mess."

"He's not going to see you through the phone, silly. I’ll text him.”

Me: You gonna ask anyone to Homecoming?

Dallas: Probably go stag.

Me: What if you had a real date? Like with someone that has been crushing on you since school started.

Dallas: Katie???!!

Me: Yes, Katie. She was hanging with Jordan, but he says he doesn't want a date.

Dallas: Must be gay. Call me. Then make her talk to me.

Me: Uh, okay. What are you gonna say?

Dallas: First, I’m gonna ask if she wants to hang out tomorrow night. Then if she puts out, I’ll ask her to HC.

Me: DALLAS!!!!

Dallas: Cool your orange panties and call me. I won’t try anything but if she attacks me I will NOT resist.

I dial Dallas' number and hold the phone out to Katie. Her eyes get big then she sits up straighter and brushes her fingers through her hair. She nods at me and takes the phone.

She goes, "Uh, huh." Laughs. "Oh!" Giggles. "Well, I'm not wearing any right now." Major blushing and more giggling. "No, you don't have to. Yes, I'd love to."

She hands me back my phone and screams, "AHHHHH!!!!! I have a date for Homecoming!" Then she stands up and jumps up and down on my bed singing, "I have a date. I have a date!"

I think about how Gracie used to jump on my bed. It's weird how someone doing the simplest thing can bring tears to my eyes. How it can remind me of home.

She does one more bounce then lands with a thud.

"Did you tell him he didn't have to ask you in a cute way?"

"Yeah, I don't care about that. I just want a date. Plus, he kinda caught me off guard when he asked about my panties. He's really sexy. Like, he has a sexy voice. Had any other guy asked me that, I probably would've hung up on him. But he's just so damn cute. I gotta call Annie and Maggie and tell them!"

She bounds back over to her bed and calls Maggie.

Me: She’s screaming in joy.

Dallas: I’ll have her screaming in ecstasy ;)

Me: You are SO bad!

I read Dawson's text.

Dawson: I think we need to celebrate. Let's get some people together tonight and party.

Me: I thought our celebration was pretty damn good already but, you know me, I'm always up for a party.

Dawson: Bryce and Jake are up for it too. Meet me at 1, my sexy, hot, amazing girlfriend.

Me: Your girlfriend. I like that. <3

Hearting me.

1:30am

I'm sitting in Aiden's room.

Yes.

The place I said I was never going back to.

Lucky thing number one: Aiden is not here.

I'm happily sitting on Dawson's lap, drinking a Corona, and gabbing with Peyton.

Lucky thing number two: Whitney's not here.

I think tonight might just be my lucky night.

I've gotten lucky twice.

Well, three times if you count the lacrosse bleachers with Dawson.

And you most definitely should.

Jake walks in, grabs a beer, and tries to sit on my lap.

"My knee?" I half yell at him. I don't need him popping open my stitches. Although, I'm ready to. The things itch like crazy.

He hops up, picks Peyton's skinny ass up, sits in her chair, and sets her on his knee. "So I asked her," he announces.

"Asked who what?" Peyton asks.

"Whitney to Homecoming," Jake says matter-of-factly.

"But I thought you were doing my airplane idea?"

"Yeah, great idea. Big expense. Not doing it. So, I got creative. I wrapped a note around a certain body part. Told her she might want to find it."

"Ohmigawd, Jake! That's a horrible way to ask!" Peyton says as she hits him on the shoulder.

But I’m thinking just the opposite. A little treasure hunt around the body of a hot guy sounds like fun to me.

“I’d like a treasure hunt across your body,” I whisper into Dawson’s ear.

He squeezes me tight. “That sounds like fun.”

Jake responds to Peyton by tickling her sides. "Wow. You think so highly of me. I wrapped it around my ankle." He grins. "Fortunately, for me, her mind is in the gutter like yours. She didn't look there first."

"I was gonna guess your bicep," I tell him.

He gives me a high five. "That's what I like about you, Monroe. You're sweet, even though you're a bad liar. I swear, you can't lie about anything. When you try to fib, it's written all over your face."

I think about the lies I've told them. How I'm a better liar than anyone knows.

But I smile and shake my head like I'm a ditz and he has me all figured out.

"Did she apologize to you yet?" he asks me.

"No," I scoff.

"She's not going to," Peyton says.

"I know. And I was thinking . . ."

"Uh oh," Jake says. He must have been drinking earlier because he seems kinda tipsy. He puts his fingers into Peyton's sides again, which causes her to squirm around on his lap.

The look on Jake's face and his own squirming tells me he's enjoying it.

They seem oddly comfortable touching each other, and I can't help but wonder if they have some kind of history.

"What I was going to say is that Katie, Maggie, Annie, and me are going to start an underground Vote for Peyton campaign. I found out that 90% of the freshman class voted for me for student council. I want to make sure they all vote for you.”

"Better not let Whitney hear about that,” Jake says, as he bounces Peyton on his knee and leers at her. "But I agree. Peyton would look gorgeous in a crown. And don't drink too much tonight, Monroe. We have some kissing to do on stage tomorrow." He giggles, sticks out his tongue at Dawson, and then licks up the side of Peyton’s face.

She lets out a little screech, but Dawson frowns.

"Stop saying that! I will not be kissing anyone during tryouts. It's not part of the audition."

Luckily, Bryce walks in and hands Jake and Dawson a shot of something dark.

"Where are our shots?” Peyton asks, now totally flirting with Bryce. He rolls his eyes at her, so she says to me, "Keatyn, be a pal. Go across the hall and find us something yummy."

"Uh, okay," I say.

I walk across the hall. Bryce's door is slightly ajar and there is a little light glowing. I open the door slowly, hoping not to walk in on someone hooking up.

As my eyes adjust, I see Aiden's long body sprawled across Bryce's bed. His head is propped up on his arm and there are books spread out in front of him, but his eyes are closed and he appears to be asleep. I walk over, close his French textbook, and move it to the desk. As I do, a sheet of paper floats to the ground. I pick it up and hold it under the light. Random French words and scribbles are written across it like always. It seems to be how he studies. There’s a list of words he can't remember. Some doodles. But just as I set the paper down, a phrase written in English catches my eye.

Underneath that, written in French is:

Which translated means: She felt the same way.

Wow. Looks like his godly tricks have already worked on some other poor unsuspecting girl. The girl probably thinks they have an amazing connection and was thrilled when he asked her to Homecoming. At least I'm assuming he asked. I noticed the little stars aren't on his ceiling anymore.

I bet this is an old note. He was probably trying to decide if she was worth the hassle of hanging all those stupid little stars. Because what a pain in the ass that must have been.

I shove the note under his textbook with a little too much force, which causes a container full of pencils to crash onto its side.

Shit.

I glance at Aiden, praying I didn't wake him. Thankfully, I didn't, but he moved a little and now he's snuggling an extra pillow.

He looks adorably sweet.

Not so much god-like and much more boy-like.

I glide the back of my hand across his cheek, pull the blanket up over his shoulders, grab the bottle of cake vodka I know he started buying just for me, and then turn off the light.

"What took you so long?" Dawson says upon my return, pulling me back on his knee and kissing my neck.

"I couldn't find the cake vodka and Aiden was asleep, so I couldn't turn on the light." I hold up the bottle. “But the good news is that I found it."

Peyton grabs the bottle out of my hand, takes a big slug, and hands it back to me.

I do a quick shot before Dawson grabs it and chugs at least two shots worth.

We sit around for a while. Talking. Drinking. Laughing.

Finally, Bryce says he's tired and going to sleep.

"I'm tired too," I tell Dawson and pull him out the door.

As I turn around to say goodbye to Peyton, I see her and Jake start to drunkenly make out.

I quickly shut the door behind me.

When I get back to my room, I text Dawson.

Me: Tonight was really fun. I heart you.

He calls me right away. “Is hearting me close to loving me?”

“Maybe. You swear you're over Whitney?”

“I swear.”

“Then I think I need another goodnight kiss.”

“I’m on my way.”

I crack the window, letting in the chilly night air, then run into my closet, using my phone as a flashlight and jumping over the pile of textbooks that are scattered across my floor.

I throw on a soft knit nightie as I hear my window open and shut. I grab a cashmere blanket off my chair, wrap it around my shoulders, and walk toward my bed where Dawson is diving under the covers.

“It's cold out,” he whispers.

I slide under the covers, wrapping him up in the blanket with me.

He's a little tipsy and looks really tired. “Are you tired?”

“Very, are you?”

“Yeah.”

“So you just wanted a goodnight kiss, huh, Keatie?”

“That and . . .” I run my hands through his hair, stalling. Then I decide to be fearless and go for it. “I wanted to tell you something.”

“And what's that?”

“I wanted you to know that I more than heart you, Dawson.”

I can feel him smiling as he kisses me. “Hearting me is good enough.”

“No, it's not, and it's not how I feel.” I kiss the side of his neck, just below his ear, and finally say it, “I love you, Dawson.”