Текст книги "Born of Blood and Ash"

Автор книги: Jennifer L. Armentrout

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 63 страниц)

CHAPTER THREE

I stood in the center of the cavern for several moments, waiting to feel disturbed or, at the very least, shaken by the realization that the monster had been me. That the riders had somehow known what existed within me. A coldness that had always bothered and often horrified me.

Instead, I was amused by the symbolism of the multi-headed beast. That one could inflict as much damage as they wanted to the other heads, the parts of themselves that reacted to turmoil and conflict by inevitably causing more pain and heartache. One could continuously hack away at themselves, but it was the center head they had to face head-on. It was sort of like treating the symptoms but never the disease. And Tavius? I exhaled loudly, folding my arms over my chest. I doubted that had actually been the bastard. He was still somewhere in the Abyss, living his worst life. Either way, he’d obviously represented the part of me that could so easily be provoked and reacted violently to feelings of helplessness.

The part of me that could be horrific in its cold cruelty.

The monster inside of me.

And I got why they’d tested me. They wanted to know if I could control myself—my anger. That made sense since I’d have the ability to summon them, which, from what I could gather given what I’d been told and what my intuition confirmed, would bring about the end of everything. Clearly, they wouldn’t want to serve someone who could get angry over something small and end the realms because of it.

My gaze flicked to the etchings in the stone. What left me unsettled was the fact that the riders had known I hadn’t slain the monster.

I’d only wounded it. And did that by the skin of my teeth. Only because I didn’t want to be the kind of person who made such choices.

But that was who I was.

The remaining question was why had they found me worthy when I hadn’t succeeded? And even more importantly… “How am I supposed to get out of this damn cavern?”

The torches brightened in response, the golden fire rushing toward the ceiling once more. As the flames calmed, that crimson light reappeared in the markings, filling them in a wave that encircled the entire chamber. Stone groaned against stone. Half-afraid the cavern might fall on top of my head, I unfolded my arms. Dust and small rocks dropped in patches from the ceiling.

Before me, a glowing fissure appeared in the center of the wall, spreading toward both the ceiling and the floor. The crack increased in size, opening as rock ground against itself. It shuddered to a halt when the space became large enough for me to walk through.

“Um, thanks?” I said as if the cavern could somehow understand me. Maybe it could. What did I know?

Wanting to get back to Ash and make sure he was okay and hadn’t, well, overreacted, I moved forward. The moment I entered the opening, the wall closed behind me.

Cold, inky darkness enveloped me, wrapping itself around each of my senses until all I could hear were those distant, haunting moans. I sucked in a sharp breath. “Damn it.”

My steps slowed. I couldn’t see anything as I forced one foot in front of the other, but I could feel a faint humming in the very core of my being. A spark of power—eather—ignited inside me.

“Thank the gods,” I murmured, taking a deeper, longer breath.

Feeling a little better about the fact that I wasn’t actually weaponless, I reached out blindly. My vision, as improved as it was, wasn’t adjusting to the utter absence of light. Finally, I felt the cool slickness of a wall. Using it as a guide, I picked up my pace. Every couple of feet or so, I treaded across shallow puddles I absolutely refused to think about.

I followed the winding tunnel that twisted and coiled like a serpent, lost in the darkness until an orangey-red glow appeared in the distance. The scent of brimstone increased as I hurried toward the light, breaking into a run.

I burst out of the tunnel, and for a heartbeat, all I saw was fire—mountains of fire and winged creatures flying above the flames, shrieking as they carried thrashing bodies.

I knew what those creatures were. They were the ones Ash’s friend believed had been visiting him at night and stealing his breath.

The sekya.

But I also knew their other names. Shrew. Ni’mere. Furie.

One of them dove, catching some helpless soul in its talons. Screams tore through the air—

Everything went dark.

I threw out my hands, coming into contact with smooth stone.

I jerked back, stumbling. My hip knocked into something hard. I looked down, recognizing the glossy shadowstone railing. The hem of my borrowed shirt snagged my attention. Confusion erupted. The material was worn but pristine, free of gore. Lifting my hands, I held them under the silvery glow of…stars. My knuckles weren’t stained from blood or swollen as they should’ve been.

“What the…?” I spun around.

Open doors were in front of me. Open balcony doors. Heart thumping, I pushed off the railing and crossed the balcony. A sudden awareness pressed down on me, one that reminded me of the feeling I got when Primals were near, but this was different. The sensation didn’t center only in my chest. It echoed throughout my body as I shoved the heavy drapes aside.

The bedchamber was dark, but I saw Ash asleep on the bed, his chest rising and falling with his steady breaths.

I had no idea how I’d ended up here from a tunnel in the Abyss, but in that moment, I didn’t care. All that mattered was that Ash was safe. A shudder of relief went through me. I started forward.

A gust of air whipped across the balcony, sending strands of hair flying across my face. I caught a glimpse of a scaled underbelly. The largest draken and the first of his kind.

Shoving the hair from my face, I stepped back and looked at the roof of the palace just as Nektas landed with a shockingly quiet thud. Massive wings were spread wide, and the crown of horns along the top of his head glinted under the starlight as he dipped his broad nose to look down at me with vibrant blue eyes lit with the otherworldly glow of eather.

I gave him a rather jaunty, and definitely weird, wave.

The thin, vertical pupils constricted. Stretching his graceful neck, he tucked his wings back and then leapt from the edge of the rooftop.

Nektas shifted.

No matter how many times I saw a draken change from their true form to their god form, a breathtaking mix of awe and exhilaration consumed me. It was like he’d captured the stars from the sky and wrapped thousands of them around him. His body transformed as he fell, shrinking in mass while the shimmery spectacle faded. Arms appeared where wings had been. Fingers replaced talons.

My jaw unlocked as Nektas landed in a crouch on the railing, his long, crimson-streaked black hair slipping over coppery-toned flesh that was faintly ridged in the shape of scales.

Loose black pants appeared out of absolutely nowhere as he lifted his head. His eyes, their vertical pupils full of histories I couldn’t even begin to comprehend, met mine. “Meyaah Liessa,” he said in that rough, gravelly voice of his. “It is good to see you.”

I started to cross the distance between us and embrace him, but I stopped myself. For starters, I didn’t want to knock him off the railing. I’d also already offered an odd wave. I didn’t need to add an awkward hug to the list.

But I wanted to.

Because there was a bond between us that I didn’t even share with Ash, one forged on the trip to and from the Pools of Divanash. He’d heard the secret I’d whispered into the still, clear waters. That when I’d taken too much sleeping draft, it hadn’t been an accident. I hadn’t wanted to wake up. Nektas had heard that and hadn’t judged me. He hadn’t looked at me differently. All he had asked afterward was if I was okay. And then he’d said and done something I would never forget.

“Not everyone can always be okay, and if you happen to find that you’re not, you can talk to me. We’ll make sure you’re okay,” he’d told me, and he’d done it while staring forward.

Giving me space while letting me know he’d noticed. Making sure I was comfortable so I could actually hear his words and know he cared.

It meant the world to me.

It always would.

I cleared my throat. “It is good to see you, too.”

Eyes now the shade of polished sapphires flickered over my features. With everything that had gone on, I’d forgotten how their eyes had only turned the color of crimson after Kolis took the embers. “Are you all right?”

“Yes.” I paused. “I think. I’m not entirely sure…” I glanced back at the bedchamber. “Something weird just happened. Or I think it did.”

A breeze tossed strands of long hair across his chest. “You were tested.”

“You know—?” I stopped myself, lowering my voice as I glanced back to the bedroom. “I don’t want to wake Ash.”

“You won’t. He will sleep until the morning,” Nektas explained, drawing my attention back to him. “All who inhabit the palace will. It was the same when Eythos completed the trial by blood.”

“But Ash is fine, right? So is everyone else—wait.” I frowned. “What did you just say about Eythos?”

“Yes, Ash is fine, as is everyone else. It is like…a spell. A harmless one.”

I arched a brow. “A harmless spell?”

“Yes.” A grin softened the hard lines of his face. “You were summoned by the riders, were you not?”

I nodded. “Yeah, they wanted me to prove myself worthy.”

“The spell is to ensure that they’re not prevented from testing the true Primal of Life,” he said. “Eythos had to do the same.”

I was a bit relieved to learn that I wasn’t a special case. “It would’ve been nice of them to explain what they were doing instead of knocking me unconscious.” I crossed my arms. “Because there’s nothing like waking up in some dark cave in the middle of the Abyss.”

“I doubt you were in the middle of the Abyss. You were likely on the outskirts,” he said, as if that made a difference. “I would’ve warned Ash that this could occur, but it happened so long ago that it slipped my mind.”

“You getting forgetful in your old age?”

Nektas chuckled. “I’m not considered old. More like…” He tilted his head. “Middle-aged.”

My brows shot up. “Really?”

The wind swirled across the balcony again, carrying with it the scent of rich, damp soil. Chin tipping back, he closed his eyes. “It feels good to have the fresh wind against my flesh.” He inhaled deeply, his lashes lifting. “All because of you.”

“Me?” I squeaked. “I really didn’t do anything.”

“All because of you and him.” He looked past me to the bedchamber. “This breeze I can feel? The life that has returned to the Shadowlands? My daughter touched a blade of grass today and will soon see clean water coursing through the lands.” His vivid blue gaze, luminous with eather, returned to mine. “That is what your strength of will and his love has given my child. That would not be possible without the two of you. You survived. He persisted.”

A knot clogged my throat. I turned my stare to the stars as I worked it free. “We didn’t know it would work. All Ash wanted to do was save me.”

“If either of you had faltered, if you were not as brave as you are or willing to love without condition or expectation? If he hadn’t been so determined to save you or refused to believe that what he felt for you this whole time was love?” Nektas said. “You would’ve died, Liessa. And his pain would’ve turned the realms to ruin. That is not nothing. That is everything.” He fell silent for a moment. “You didn’t give up. Neither did he.”

Swallowing around that tangle of emotion, I ignored the prick of pain as my fang scraped the inside of my lip. “I didn’t want to die when he brought me to my lake. I…I stopped wanting that once I knew what it felt like to really live. Knowing that I’d finally be able to become something other than what my duty symbolized,” I admitted, my voice hoarse. “It wasn’t falling in love that changed that. It was that I could feel such an emotion when all I’d ever really felt was either anger or nothing at all. It was the realization that I could become someone—” The breath I exhaled was ragged. “Someone who mattered.”

Nektas listened quietly as I continued, curling my fingers around my hair. “But I was prepared to die. I’d accepted it. I didn’t give up. I gave in.”

“So did Ash. You both gave in.”

I thought about that. “I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.”

“It is the only way.” Nektas watched me closely. “I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to be as uncomfortable when being praised as you are. Accept the praise. You have earned it.”

I let out a short laugh. “Yes, sir.” I peeked over at him. His bemused smile tugged at my lips, and it made me think of something. “Did you know? That Ash and I were heartmates?”

“There was no way for me to know that,” he said, lowering himself from the railing in one fluid step. “But I knew he felt more than what he believed was possible when he had his kardia removed.” Starlight glanced off his broad cheek. “I saw that in the way he spoke about you. How he cared for you. So, I began to suspect such, even with mates of the heart being so rare. Or perhaps I hoped for that since I didn’t want to lose either of you.”

It took me several moments to speak around the rising knot of emotion. “You know, you didn’t even ask if I passed the riders’ test.”

“I don’t need to ask.” Angling his body toward mine, he propped his hip against the railing. “I know you did. You are worthy, Liessa.”

“I’m beginning to think you’re just trying to make me uncomfortable now,” I muttered.

“I would never.”

“Uh-huh.” Something occurred to me. “Do you remember what Eythos’s abilities of intuition were like?”

“I do.” He turned toward me as the wind tossed his hair across his chest again. “I assume the ability is also developing in you?”

I nodded.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.” I laughed, loosening my grip on the railing. “But mostly, I wanted to know if you knew how it works. Because it’s like…one second, I feel this strange sensation and just know something. And the next, I have no idea, especially if it has anything to do with me.”

“I don’t know all the fine details.” Nektas rubbed his chin. “But I do know that the vadentia became stronger as time passed. Eythos could look at a person and know nearly everything about them.”

I frowned. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“It took Eythos several years before he could.” The skin between Nektas’s brows creased. “But the embers were already maturing in you long before your Ascension. It wasn’t like that for Eythos. It may develop sooner in you.”

I mulled that over. “Possibly. I mean, those embers had matured in Eythos and even in Ash to some extent before they were placed in my bloodline.”

Nektas nodded. “But the intuition never worked regarding him either.”

A measure of relief hit me. “So, it’s not just me being broken or something?”

The furrow in the skin between Nektas’s brows deepened. “No, I think it’s more likely that it has something to do with balance.”

“That’s what Eythos believed?”

“Yes. It wouldn’t be fair if one knew how every action and choice affected them, now would it?” Nektas offered up. “It would upset the balance.”

“I guess.” I wasn’t sure what the Fates—the Ancients—had in mind when it came to restoring balance or if it actually helped. Their actions often seemed rather counterproductive.

“Ah, I just remembered something else.” Nektas’s brow smoothed out. “Usually, he had to think about what he wanted to know. Give himself time to, as he put it, listen to what the realm was telling him. That was hard for him.”

I grinned, knowing exactly what he meant. Sometimes, I didn’t allow a thought to finish before I spoke or another thought came.

“I know he was able to sense unrest within Iliseeum and eventually the mortal realm. I’m not sure if that was the vadentia or because he was the true Primal of Life, but he could feel the unrest in Iliseeum before sensing something happening in the mortal realm,” he told me, the furrow between his brow deepening. “But there was something else. Sometimes, a feeling hit him—usually out of nowhere. It was like an urge, guiding him to either a place or a person. Even sometimes an object. When it came, he couldn’t ignore it. It would drive him mad at times, especially when it hit in the middle of the night.” Nektas brushed his hair back from his face. “And he didn’t like not knowing where it was leading him or why.”

That hadn’t happened to me. Yet. “What were some of the reasons he was led to something?”

“It really varied.” Nektas squinted, seemingly looking back through time. I wondered how he could remember all of this. “Sometimes, it was because he needed to see something. Other times, it led him to someone with something he needed to be told. I know there were even random items he came upon. Things that made no sense at the time but did later.”

Curiosity rose. “Like what?”

“One I can think of off the top of my head was an old diamond necklace he was led to. Come to find out, it belonged to Keella and held some sort of personal value to her,” Nektas shared. “She was always fond of Eythos before, but even more so afterward.”

“Which probably made her even more willing to aid him when it came to Sotoria’s soul,” I surmised. “That’s crazy.”

He nodded. “There were other things. A sharpened edge of shadowstone. It was how he discovered its uses.” He looked back at me. “I know I haven’t told you much, but I hope it helped.”

“It did. Thank you.” I smiled, but it faded as my thoughts returned to the test. “I don’t know why I passed the riders’ test.”

He folded his arms across his chest. “What do you mean?”

“I was supposed to slay the monster, and I did. Sort of.” As I explained what had gone down, I pulled my hand from my hair and placed it on the railing. “They said I only wounded it. So, I’m not sure how I passed.”

“You are not without flaw. Neither was Eythos. That did not make him unworthy. Nor does it make you unworthy.”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah, but was Eythos’s monster a cold, murderous part of him?”

“His monster was his ego. A trait shared with his brother and luckily not passed down to his son.” Hair draped over the draken’s shoulder as he cocked his head. “Eythos was not perfect. Ash may not have seen that side of his father. He was a different man by then, but he had an ego on him only rivaled by his joy in giving life. And doing that, creating and restoring life, fed that ego. It took him many lifetimes to tamp down the need to entice that monster.” Nektas’s exhale carried a faint rumble. “Unfortunately, the damage was already done by the time he mastered it.”

Because when Eythos refused Kolis after granting so many requests, it kicked off all, well, all of this.

“But that wasn’t his only monster,” Nektas added. “Nor was it the one that killed him.”

“His love for his brother?”

“His false belief that there is good in all living things, no matter how many times they show that all that is left inside them is rot. I don’t think you will have that same problem, will you?” he said, the ridges thickening across the skin of his shoulders. “So, perhaps your monster will be your savior.”

CHAPTER FOUR

Even though I knew Nektas would never lie about Ash’s well-being, I couldn’t rest until I saw it with my own eyes. I sat beside him as he slept, waiting for the spell to lift. The hours stretched on for what felt like an eternity, but eventually, the sky beyond the balcony doors lightened, blushing with soft hues of pink and lavender. The light of dawn seeped in, slipping over the stone floor. Gradually, the golden beams kissed the foot of the bed.

It happened so fast.

A blast of energy rolled off Ash, sending me scooting toward the edge of the bed as it blew my hair back from my face. The temperature in the chamber dropped. His eyes flew open, his irises pure, crackling silver. Thick, swirling shadows appeared beneath his thinning flesh as he sat upright. Eather rose inside me as his lips peeled back over his fangs. A primitive, feral growl emanated from his throat.

“Ash.” I scrambled onto my knees, reaching for him.

Our gazes locked as shadows raced across his chest. The look in his stare was wild, nearly feral. I wasn’t even sure he saw me.

I clasped his cool cheeks, shivering. The snarling growl raised the hairs on the nape of my neck, making my heart race. Tendrils of dark eather snapped at the air around us.

“It’s okay,” I told him. He went completely still. “I’m right here.”

A stuttered heartbeat passed, and then his mouth was on mine. The kiss was brutal, a clash of teeth and tongues. I could taste the panic and fury, feel the raw desperation in each agonized sweep of his tongue as his hands fisted my hair. He kissed me as if he sought to prove to himself that I was, indeed, with him. That I was okay.

I didn’t know the exact moment the urgency became one of physical need or when the terror and anger turned to lust, but I felt him lose his grip on restraint and sensed the moment he changed. I felt it.

His flesh hardened and cooled even more. Energy rippled from him, buzzing over my skin and stroking my essence. A jolt ran through me as I fell back on my rear, the hem of his shirt gathering at my hips. Through strands of tangled hair, I saw that his skin had thinned even more. The shadows on his cheeks and chest deepened, joined.

My heart thudded as I stared at him, recognizing the hard line of his jaw, his wide, expressive mouth, and the cut of his high cheekbones. But like when I’d awakened from stasis, he was shadow and smoke turned to stone, his flesh the color of midnight streaked with churning moonlight.

Air caught in my lungs as wispy tendrils of mist lifted behind him, spreading out from his upper shoulders and thickening, forming shadowy wings made of pure energy.

Tiny bumps erupted over my skin as our eyes locked. There was nothing human about the way he looked, how his chest barely moved, or his piercing stare as shadow-laced eather slipped to the bed.

I felt no fear, even as the essence strained against my skin. I looked up at a Primal of Death: beautiful, terrifying, and mine.

Remembering the warning he’d given me the last time he’d lost his restraint, I shivered with anticipation and red-hot desire. My blood heated, becoming a fire that filled my veins. My nipples beaded beneath the shirt. A throbbing heaviness slid down to center itself between my thighs.

Ash’s nostrils flared, and when I inhaled sharply, I caught the heightened citrusy scent of arousal.

There was no need for words. My breath was already coming out in short, shallow bursts as I leaned back and spread my thighs, offering myself to him. I shivered as the cool air kissed my heated, damp flesh.

Only a pinprick of his pupils was visible as his gaze lowered to what I offered. His stare was so heavy and intense that my breath caught once more, and my hips twitched.

Ash lifted his head, and a heartbeat passed before he struck with predatory grace. His weight pressed me to my back, and I caught a glimpse of his wings sweeping down and brushing the bed. A cry of pleasure tore from my lips as his cool length pressed into me. I stiffened, unaccustomed to his larger, Primal form as he filled and stretched me. The brief sting of pain faded as he seated himself deep inside me, causing my back to arch as I took him. Gods, he felt like he was everywhere. His presence inside me was almost overwhelming, nearly too much as I panted.

I slowly became aware of his stillness. His chest moved then, rising and falling rapidly against mine as he trembled.

Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. He tipped his chin down and stretched his neck from side to side. “Ash?” I whispered.

“I’m…” The hand by my head fisted, then his eather-filled wings flickered before collapsing in a shower of glittering sparks. “I just need a moment.” He shuddered, causing my toes to curl at the sensation. “I…I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

Eather pulsed from his eyes before he slammed them shut. “You don’t know that.”

I did.

I was always safe with him.

I watched him battle himself, and that hidden, darkly sinful part of me didn’t want him in control.

“Ash.” I slipped my hands over the smooth, cold planes of his cheeks as I lifted my hips. He groaned, and I thought of the wicked words he’d said when he last lost control. A wave of wanton desire flooded me. “Will you fuck my pussy?”

“Fucking gods,” he snarled, his hips jerking.

Then, he did.

And…gods. Ash fucked hard and fast, the force as savage as how his mouth moved over mine. I wrapped my legs around his hips, rising to meet him as my fingers tangled in the silky strands of his hair. We were frenzied as he drove into me, over and over, until I could no longer keep up with the wild rhythm. The sounds I made would surely turn my cheeks crimson later, but I couldn’t stop myself as I trembled beneath him. He moved faster, harder, working an arm beneath my head. Either his fangs or mine nicked my lip, and he growled, drawing the little drop of blood into his mouth as he thrust into me all the way. With no space between us, he ground his hips. There was no steady build-up to release. I felt his cock begin to spasm, and that pushed me to the edge and right over it. A storm of pleasure, almost violent in nature, swept through me, kicking my head back against his arm as I cried out his name.

I didn’t know how much time passed as we remained joined, our hearts slowing. But when Ash spoke, I knew he had complete control of himself.

“Sera?” he rasped.

“I’m here, and I’m okay.” I tilted my head to the side, seeking. His lips found mine. The kiss was gentle and sweet but no less shattering than the ones that’d come before.

Ash eased himself from me, but his body didn’t leave mine. Supporting his weight on one arm, he rested his forehead against mine. “Fates, Sera. I thought…”

He didn’t need to finish the sentence. I knew what he thought, what must have preyed on his mind as he slept, kept under the spell and driven to lose his hold on his mortal form.

“It wasn’t him,” I whispered.

Ash’s shudder of relief caused my heart to ache. Gods, I didn’t think it was possible to hate Kolis more than I already did, but I was wrong. I knew this would always be a fear until Kolis was dealt with.

For both of us.

I cleared my throat. “It was the riders.”

Ash lifted his head, and his brows rose. “What in the fuck?”

My lips twitched. “That about sums up my initial reaction.”

His fingers coasted over my cheek. “Tell me what happened.”

I did, sharing how I’d ended up in a cavern on the outskirts of the Abyss. Ash quietly listened as I explained how I’d had to prove myself worthy. His eyes narrowed as I described the three-headed beast. When I got to the Tavius portion, he went rigid.

“But it wasn’t really him,” I assured.

“No shit,” he growled. I arched a brow. “He’s a special case. I would know if he left where I last left him.” He paused. “In pieces.”

Pieces?

“How did—?” I stopped myself. “You know what? I don’t think I want to know.”

His smile was tight, toothless. “You sure about that?”

Actually? Yes. I ran my finger over the faint scar on his chin. “He was just a representation of me.”

“How in the fuck is he supposed to be a representation of anything of you?” Ash demanded, the eather whipping through his eyes.

“The part of me that…reacts violently when I feel like I don’t have control,” I admitted. It was hard to share when his lips thinned, peeling back until the tips of his fangs became visible. “I didn’t realize it wasn’t really Tavius at first. I…I beat him.”

“Good,” Ash snarled, his eyes fierce. “What did I tell you before when it came to him?”

“Not to let him leave a mark.”

“Exactly.” He drew his thumb over my chin. “That hasn’t changed, whether it was really him or not.”

“I know.” I smiled for him. “At first, I thought he was the monster I needed to slay next. I was about to kill him until I realized that if I did, it would be a final death. I would’ve…”

“You believed you would’ve destroyed his soul,” Ash finished.

“I couldn’t do it.” My laugh was short and humorless. “It felt wrong. I dropped the sword, and he disappeared. That’s when I realized I was supposed to slay the monstrous part of me. The cold bit.”

His jaw flexed. “There is nothing cold about you.”

“But there is,” I insisted, my voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know if I was born this way, if the embers did it, or if it was how I was raised and the choices I made because of that. But I told you before, Ash. I don’t feel things the same way you do.”

“Sera—”

“I know you must sense it, that part of my soul. There’s no way you haven’t. And you don’t have to lie. I don’t want you to because, gods, the fact that you must have always sensed it yet still accepted me makes me love you even more.” My gaze searched his. “I’m not like you. You carry those marks. Bear them. I don’t. Not really.”

“That’s not true. It’s not,” he insisted, lowering his chin so we were at eye level when I opened my mouth to protest. “Kolis is someone who doesn’t feel empathy or regret. Kyn doesn’t. Veses is another. Are you like them?”

I was nothing like Kyn or Kolis, but Veses… What had she said after she told me she’d leveled half her Court when Kolis brought Sotoria back?

Our violent reactions regarding the ones we love is something we have in common.

We did have that in common.

But that was the only thing.

“No,” I said. “I’m not like them.”

“Thank fuck you said that,” he replied. “You just carry those marks differently, Sera. The fact that we’re even having this conversation proves that.” His gaze found mine. “All of us, the good and the bad, are a little monstrous. I am no better than you.”

A damn knot lodged in my throat, just as it had when he said this before we left to meet with Kolis to gain his approval for the coronation.

“But those parts?” Eather streaked across his irises. “They don’t define you. They are not the sum of who you are. They never were.”

“Do you believe that about yourself?” I asked, knowing he had far more good in him than I did in me. But he didn’t see it that way. “And the monstrous things you’ve done?”

“I’m starting to,” he admitted.