Текст книги "Until You"

Автор книги: Jeannie Moon

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

Chapter 12

‡

Kate sat at her vanity, brushed out her hair, and methodically checked for the dreaded gray. Her dark hair spilled over her shoulders and she thought maybe she should cut it. Change was good, and certainly a more stylish haircut would be a step in the right direction. She set the brush down on the table top. Pathetic, Kate, truly pathetic. Just get a grip and accept who you are. Changing your hair isn’t going to change your life.

Her makeup applied, she went to her closet to get her dress. The Literacy Foundation Holiday Party was her event. She’d founded the organization several years ago, and she was extremely proud of what she’d accomplished. But she just wasn’t looking forward to the evening. Her deadline was looming, and since she’d returned home from the Caribbean she hadn’t gotten much work done. Waves of tiredness kept hitting her at unexpected times. No matter how much sleep she’d gotten the night before, any time became a good time for a nap.

“It’s probably just old age,” she muttered.

She went to the doctor that morning, but it would be a few days before all her test results were back.

The trip to the spa had done her some good, aside from a minor meltdown the first day. Julie had been great. Instead of accepting a date from one of the many men who asked, Julie stuck to Kate, claiming a girls’ weekend—no men welcome. Along with seeing a condo she might buy, they’d been massaged, buffed, facialed, manicured, pedicured, and toned. Her skin was tanned and glowing, her muscles were relaxed.

But no matter what she did, she kept thinking about David. Kate wondered if anything was more pitiable than a woman obsessed with a younger man. She supposed part of it was the sex. It was intense, passionate, and when she was with him she’d felt desired, and that was what she kept revisiting. Of course it was a lie. He called and tried to explain about the bit in the paper, but he didn’t come after her. In fact, he’d given up pretty quickly. David didn’t need her any more than her family did. He’d forget all about her, but at least with him it was understandable. He was a complete stranger.

She donned a simple midnight blue gown that was fitted tightly at the bodice and then flared out to sweep the floor. She added her grandmother’s pearl necklace and examined herself in the mirror. She was probably showing off too much cleavage, especially for this crowd, but overall, she looked more than respectable. The perkier boobs were a nice surprise. She turned to the left and then the right, looking at her profile—the extra time at the gym was paying off. She left for the party, hoping the evening would go by quickly.

*

Harmon Castle glowed as people arrived for the benefit. Pulling her car forward, Kate gave the keys to the parking attendant and happily greeted a few acquaintances as she walked up the grand steps. Friday night, a beautiful setting, a worthy cause, pleasant company—it was good to get out, away from her manuscript for a while. The entire week, when she wasn’t at school, she was in her office, writing, or attempting to write. Laura was barely home, so Kate would hole herself up for hours, late into the night, when she could stay awake. She had to force herself to do the most basic or necessary things like eat or exercise. No, this was definitely the right thing to do; if she didn’t get out, she’d become some weird old hermit.

There were quite a few familiar faces and she started to relax, plucking a glass of champagne from a tray as a waiter dashed by. Circling slowly, Kate took in the scene. The grand ballroom was beautiful. Decked in garlands of pine, gold, and silver, a massive Christmas tree adorned with Steuben and Swarovski ornaments towered over one end of the room. People who passed by glittered almost as much as the decorations. It was a large turnout, and she had no doubt the event would raise a fortune for the foundation. Then she choked on her Dom Perignon.

David was here.

There were four of them—tall, muscular men, all in formalwear. Two had blondes on their arms, another was escorting a lovely brunette, but David was alone.

She bolted to the other side of the room so she could strangle the foundation’s director. “You didn’t tell me the Flyers had taken an interest in the Foundation.” She seethed. She’d asked about the guest list three times and hadn’t received a straight answer.

“Why would it matter? Oh! Jay Hemmings is here. And Cameron Roth. Look at all of them, aren’t they just delicious?”

Glancing in David’s direction, she saw he was coming toward them. He was gorgeous and with each step he took, her heart slammed harder against her ribs.

“Oh God,” she whispered, gulping down the remaining champagne in her glass. “Not again.”

*

David ran through what he wanted to say in his head. The picture was old. I’m not engaged. He thought for a second, regrouping. Chelsea means nothing to me…

David cursed himself. The truth was, as much as Chelsea was responsible for planting the story about the non-existent engagement, David was responsible for the attitude that surrounded him. People expected him to be with women like Chelsea—to be more concerned with style than substance. Kate had never been anything but honest with him, and it was possible he might not have a chance to save what they started.

He’d messed up too many times, but now, seeing her, David knew he had to try. As he walked toward her, he enjoyed the view. She stood defensively with her arms folded and her head cocked arrogantly to the side. He watched her eyes for any emotion, and then saw something faint. She looked… nervous. That was an interesting development. He made her nervous. Thank God. There might be hope.

*

Diana pushed right past Kate with a hand extended in greeting. “Hello, I’m Diana Micelli, director of the foundation. It’s so nice to meet you.”

He grinned and accepted her hand politely. “David Burke. Nice to meet you, too.”

“We’re so pleased the team has taken an interest in the work we’re doing. Thank you for the very generous donation. Do you know—” Diana gestured toward Kate and started the introduction, but he cut her off.

“This is a nice surprise, Kate. I didn’t get to say good-bye the last time I saw you.” He wanted to add the word “naked” to the end, but that could end with him succumbing to a slow and painful death.

“David.” Her posture went rigid. Yeah, she was plenty nervous. “What are you doing here?”

He smiled, looking around the room. He had to get her alone. He had no chance at all of breaking her down when she could run off into a sea of people. “This is a beautiful place,” he said, ignoring her original question. “Have you been here before?”

“Yes,” she said, “I have.”

Handing him the perfect opening, David offered her his arm. “You know I love history. Would you give me a tour?”

He’d trapped her. Running in the opposite direction was out of the question—her manners wouldn’t allow it. She had no choice but to go with him, and she was not happy.

“Of course,” she said. Her words were clipped and formal, as she slipped her hand through the crook of his arm. “My pleasure.”

*

They left the ballroom and ascended the main staircase to see the entry hall and the chandelier from above. Having spent almost eighteen years in the area, there had been many opportunities for her to make visits to the grand estate, so she gave him a mini-history lesson about Main Line Philadelphia as they walked.

“You look beautiful,” he said. She had to give him credit; it was the safest opening, if not original.

“Thank you.”

“Are you going to let me explain?” he asked quietly.

She was putting on her most professional face, her most formal tone. “Nothing to explain.”

He laughed. “Oh, come on.”

“I have no reason to be angry with you. Just myself. Fool me once, and all that.” She wondered if he could tell how she felt about him. Her heart was firing rapidly just being near him. They hadn’t known each other long, yet she had a sense he could almost read her mind.

“I’m not engaged. They used an old photo and bad information.”

She stopped and looked away, then raised her face toward his and said what she felt. She had nothing to lose. “That doesn’t change the fact you turned me into a conquest. You had no right making me one of the girls in your entourage.”

He gave her a narrow, tentative glance and Kate had no clue what he would do next.

“I never meant for you to feel that way, and you know it.”

“Whatever.” Kate barely looked at him. Her body was tense, so tense. Could he read her feeling? Could he tell?

David shook his head slightly and cast another glance in her direction before turning his body and inching closer.

She prayed he wouldn’t touch her because when he did, she’d lose all control.

“Kate.” His finger slipped under her chin and he tilted her face toward his.

She blinked and focused on his eyes, which gave her a chance to see what might be going on in his head. There was something sincere in the dark depths and she wondered if her eyes betrayed her in the same way her heart did.

“I’m sorry,” he said. His voice was soft, contrite.

“Alright,” she whispered, looking away again.

His cologne mingled with the scent of pine and Christmas candles and made her feel a little lightheaded.

“Alright?” He turned her gently and took her face in his hands this time, pressing his lips to her temple. “You’ll forget about it?”

Everything flooded to the surface. The betrayal, the distrust, the feelings of inadequacy, the hurt—she couldn’t stop it, couldn’t run from it. “Forgetting about it would be a good idea.”

She was in her own personal nightmare. Kate was being as polite as possible, but she wasn’t giving him an inch. She couldn’t—he affected her so completely, she couldn’t risk the loss of control. “I don’t know what else to say.”

Stepping away from him, Kate turned and grabbed tightly to the rail on the landing, fixing her gaze on the crystal chandelier. “Look, I obviously misconstrued what that night meant to you. I thought… I thought it meant something.”

“It did.” David stepped behind her and placed his hands gently on her waist.

His fingers caressed her through the silk of her dress and he pressed his body into her back, allowing his warmth to penetrate to her core. Just when she thought her senses were assaulted to the fullest, his lips touched her just behind her ear.

“You’re perfect,” he whispered. “And I’ll try to deserve you.”

That was it. She was melting.

“But everything you represent scares me.”

So much for melting. She froze.

“Scares you?” she asked. Shit. Even being perfect wasn’t good enough.

When a man was scared, it was fight or flight. He was still having doubts, and she wasn’t about to set herself up for another fall. If it wasn’t another woman causing a problem, it would be David’s immaturity. Kate straightened her spine and tried to get out of the situation without letting him see what he’d done to her.

Plastering a polite smile on her face, she took a step away. “I should really get back.”

“No, wait.” Now he was confused, but he seemed to realize he’d done something wrong. “I didn’t mean…”

“Have a lovely evening.”

Turning on her heel, she left him.

*

When she got to the bottom of the stairs, David saw her greet an older man with a kiss and a warm hug. She glanced up the staircase to where he was standing, their eyes met, and he could see she was distressed. But then she gave him her back and allowed the older man to escort her into the ballroom.

“Good job, Dave,” he said.

Why was this so complicated? He got that he was totally out of his league with her, but he wasn’t giving up. Not until there was no other option.

Kate was making him work for this relationship, and that hadn’t ever happened to him. But he was ready for it now. David wanted a woman who was moody and difficult; one who thought too much, who wasn’t interested in impressing him. He wanted a woman who would keep his interest, make him think, and make him look inside himself. David wanted Kate. She was all those things and more.

He went back to the ballroom and found his friends. It was a nice enough party and he was sure they would raise a ton of money for the charity. Kate stood with a group of very aristocratic looking women, drinking champagne, and carrying on a very dignified looking conversation. David wondered if those women had read any of Kate’s books and what they might think about the love scenes she wrote. His body responded as he thought about those scenes, and pictured Kate in the various scenarios, instead of her heroine. It wasn’t hard seeing her that way, all he had to do was let his mind slip back to the hotel in California or his bedroom two weeks ago. Sipping a beer, he kept his eyes on her. He caught her looking at him and he smiled. She blushed. Jay wandered over with Tyler Graves in tow, both of them looking bored.

“Fun group,” Jay said before he saw David staring at Kate. “So tell me, did we drop five large so you could make goo-goo eyes at the teacher?”

“Yeah, basically.” David nodded.

“You suck, Padre,” Tyler said.

“Graves, you should be right at home here. Half of this group consists of Ivy League professors.” He was making a reference to Tyler’s degree from Yale.

Jay surveyed the room. “Did you talk to her?”

“Yup.” David took another drink and watched Kate get more and more agitated.

He hadn’t taken his eyes off her. The band started playing a slow, jazzy version of Teach Me Tonight and he could only think of Kate, and how she would feel pressed against him.

“Did you apologize for being a dick?” asked his friend.

“I did, again, but I think I insulted her.”

“Asshole.” Jay shook his head and then let out a low whistle. “Will you look at that? Gramps just asked her to dance.”

“Yeah, well…” David’s reply was more a grumble than anything.

He hated the thought of anyone else touching her, even the senior citizen who’d just led her onto the dance floor. When he saw the old man glance down her dress, he burned. When the guy’s hands started to wander, David’s thoughts were nothing short of violent.

“Oh, she didn’t like that.” Jay laughed as David watched Kate push her partner’s hand off her behind. “Although looks like Gramps is having a ball, eh? You going to do anything?”

David nodded, drained his beer and handed the glass to his friend. Gathering his nerve, he walked onto the dance floor and tapped her dancing partner on the shoulder.

The old man turned and raised an eyebrow.

“May I?” David asked.

When the man stepped away, reluctantly allowing him to cut in, David thanked him. Without hesitation, he took Kate’s hand and slipped his arm around her tiny waist, pulling her closer than was appropriate. He spread his hand on the small of her back and allowed the feel of the silky dress to soak in.

“The gentleman was taking some unwelcome liberties.”

Kate didn’t respond, but her cheeks reddened before she changed the subject. “You can dance?” she asked.

“My mother taught me,” he said.

“What do you want, David?” She sounded defeated, hopeless, and that made him feel guilty. He didn’t want to be responsible for causing her pain.

“Please forgive me,” he said.

“Okay.”

“Kate. I know you left because of the picture in the paper. I don’t blame you.” As soon as the words left his mouth he wanted to kick himself. You’re an idiot, Burke.

“How nice,” she snipped. “It’s quite gratifying to know I won’t be blamed for something for which I bear no responsibility.”

Grinning, he looked down at her. She was wonderful—proud, stubborn, and completely vulnerable. David pressed her body into his. Heat shot through him.

He leaned closer and whispered in her ear, “I love how you feel in my arms.” All David heard in response was her sigh. That was his cue to push it a little farther. He rested his cheek on her hair as his breath played over her temple.

“You don’t play fair, on or off the ice,” she said.

“I can’t play fair with you.”

“You have plenty of women, why can’t you just leave me alone?”

The words let him know she was hurt, and he felt responsible for every bit of what she was feeling. Kate drew a ragged breath and David saw she was fighting to maintain the last of her dignity.

“There’s no one else. Not since I saw you that morning in New York and even then, Chelsea didn’t stay with me. She only met me in the city. Ever since California, there’s only you.”

“No one?” she asked her voice soft and almost hopeful.

“No one. After the night we spent together, you have to know I only want you.” She leaned into him and David thought this was too much to hope for.

People were watching them. As he glanced around the room, he could see the whispers and curious looks. No doubt the ladies in polite Philadelphia society were wondering what a caveman like him was doing with their Kate. He held her close and let his lips brush against her hair. When the music stopped, he cupped her cheek and dropped a kiss on Kate’s mouth. He let his tongue play over her soft, sweet lips—nothing more—but his intention was clear.

Breathless and trembling, she could barely speak when she pulled away from him. “Why did you do that?”

He didn’t answer, but watched helplessly as Kate touched her fingers to her lips and backed away, leaving him standing in the ballroom.

*

Kate left the dance floor as gracefully as possible, stopping when she entered the main foyer. What the hell had he done? Her heart was hammering in her chest and her lips were still warm. Everywhere he’d touched her was warm and tingly, and part of her wanted nothing more than to fall in his arms. But part of her, the sane part, had to get away.

She did exactly what he wanted. She went weak at the knees and then fell apart. And she should have expected it. David had that effect on her whenever their paths crossed. From the romantic evening in California to the near-sex experience in the bar to their night together a few weeks ago, Kate tended to lose her mind when he was in the vicinity.

Hiking up her dress so she wouldn’t trip, she took off down the main hallway. What she wanted was to get good and pissed, so she could shake off the urge to go back to the ballroom and rip off his clothes. God, did she want to rip off his clothes. Thinking about him, thinking about touching him, and about how his body felt against her, was a heady thing. Pushing through a door at the end of the hallway was a mistake. It was the solarium and it was technically closed at this time of year for one reason—no heat. The windows were tall and frosty; as soon as Kate stopped to think, the cold hit her. Her arms came around her body and she quickly turned to leave. That was when she saw David had followed her into the room.

He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her bare shoulders. “Here, it’s cold.”

Seeing him brought the reaction Kate wanted and it came in a great rush. She was pissed. Finally. Even she didn’t know what to think about it. This anger, this indignation, was all new—and she lashed out at him, spitting out the words like venom. “I should slap you.”

David, who obviously thought he was going to charm her, stepped back, surprised at the attack. “Uhhh…”

“What were you thinking about in there? You humiliated me in front of three hundred people!”

“Humiliated? I kissed you!”

“In a room full of wealthy, connected people and photographers!”

“So what? I’m sure they’ve seen people kiss before!”

“What will they think?! I can’t have gossip floating around about me! I have a reputation to protect.”

“I have a reputation, too!”

“Your reputation is the problem.” She moved toward him and waved her hand around his head. “Do you have hockey pucks for brains?”

He leaned into the edge of a wrought iron garden table and dropped his head. He couldn’t argue with her about his reputation. “Apparently.”

“Look at me.” Kate brought her hands to her chest. David’s expression stilled and grew serious, and his eyes met hers. “Do I look like one of your publicity hungry bimbos?”

He averted his gaze, shook his head.

“I’m in the throes of a custody battle, and my ex-husband’s lawyer will do anything he can to paint me as a bad mother. That kiss will probably be exhibit number one.”

“I’m sorry.”

Kate paced in circles, not quite sure what to do with all the fury that was building inside her.

“Haven’t you done enough?” The words came out on a trembling breath.

She wanted to throttle David, but she found more of her anger was because of Richard—Richard, that asshole and his stupid, manipulating games. Truth be told, she liked the kiss. She liked how David made her feel, but she couldn’t take any chances, not where Laura was concerned.

Kate faced David directly and felt her body tremble. She was on the verge of a breakdown and she couldn’t hide it. “What possessed you to do that?”

“I don’t know.” He stood and ran his hands through his hair. “I thought a ‘big gesture’ would show you I’m serious about us.”

“Big gesture?”

“Coming here, making a big donation, doing something romantic…” He straightened and took a step in her direction. “I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to cause you problems.”

Kate wrapped her arms around her middle and looked away. She couldn’t face him, but he was so close, consuming all her space, all her conscious thought. The wash of emotions, the feeling she was falling and couldn’t stop herself, was overwhelming. Where was this coming from? Why did he do this to her? Kate felt David’s hand on her shoulder and she looked at his face. Everything he felt was right there, the sadness, the regret, all of it.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, and as he did, he pressed his lips against her forehead.

Kate couldn’t help it. Her breath hitched, and she swallowed a great gulp of air before the sobs broke through the cold.

He took her in his arms, his hand pressing her head into his chest. His other arm was around her back, and Kate felt totally safe and completely defenseless at the same time. She was lost to him. Kate knew she had to put the brakes on this relationship before it destroyed her. But the tears wouldn’t stop.

“Please don’t cry, Kate. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened. Please. Shh… shh.”

“I can’t… I can’t… help it… I…” Kate was losing her breath, and no matter how hard she tried, feeling David’s warmth, feeling his heartbeat under her cheek, was allowing all the emotion that had been stored over the past year to break free in one giant wave.

“There’s no one else. There will be no more pictures. I promise.”

That didn’t help, Kate just cried harder. David whispered to her, trying desperately to staunch the flow.

“I don’t know what to do,” she finally said.

“I’m not a good bet. I know that.” He looked down into her face. “But I’m crazy about you.”

He held her for a few more minutes, keeping her head pressed against him while he stroked her hair. His steady breathing calmed her and his strong arms were safe and secure. It allowed Kate to think about giving in and loving him. It wouldn’t be a stretch, she was just about there, but the wall she’d built was hard to tear down. It was hard to forget how it felt to be left, and she knew that if she fell in love with David and then if he decided he didn’t want her, she wouldn’t survive it.

Finally, she felt strong enough to stand on her own. Her breath was still shaky and her heart was beating like a tom-tom. Kate’s thoughts were scattered all over the place. But she got to the heart of the matter.

Stepping away, she pulled his jacket tight to ward off the cold, and then sat on a garden bench. “So, uh,” she began, “you came here to impress me?”

Kate faced him and David stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking like a man facing the firing squad. “I wanted to show you I was serious.”

“A ticket was five thousand dollars, David.”

He rolled his eyes. “I know.”

“Wow,” she whispered. “You really don’t get it.”

He stepped toward her, almost desperate. She could see the sadness in his face, in his eyes. This was new for him. He was never at a disadvantage with women, and Kate could see he was frustrated. “Then explain it to me. Tell me what I have to do.”

Kate rose and walked to him. Her heart hurt as she gazed up into his face. “Spending all that money just to impress me tells me you think I’m like all the other women in your life. I’m not.” Her tone changed, leveled off. “You’re telling me that it’s a show; that it’s about money. I don’t want that.” She locked eyes with him. “I want someone who can keep his promises. Someone who’s honest.”

They stood facing each other for what seemed like ages. Neither one of them moved, neither one of them spoke. Kate’s response had effectively ended the conversation, and David, who was always quick with a comeback, was now without one. He looked up, and moved toward her, stopping only inches away. Kate was still amazed that a man like him didn’t intimidate her, especially considering her past. He was so big and so strong, yet Kate knew, deep down, he would never, ever hurt her.

David’s large hands reached out and cradled Kate’s head. His fingers laced through her hair and his thumbs grazed over her cheeks. She looked into his molten, brown eyes and saw he was sad, truly sad and sorry, and her own eyes filled with tears again.

He leaned in and touched his lips to hers, first taking tiny sips, then drawing her mouth into a gentle dance. Her insides bubbled up and then melted away as David made her forget who she was, and everything she’d just said, as his mouth captured hers.

When he finally broke the kiss, David leaned back slightly and gazed at her. “I want to be with you. I messed up so bad, but I want to be with you.”

“You may think I’m what you want, but I’m not.” As much as it hurt, Kate shook her head.

It was over. Kate nodded and reached up, covering his hand with her own.

“Kate, please…”

“I can’t do this with you,” she whispered. “I just can’t risk it.”

The quiet that settled between them led to a feeling of resignation. They were over before either of them had a chance to make it matter. Kate looked in his eyes and saw everything she ever wanted. Love. She saw love there, but for some reason she couldn’t trust it was only for her.

“I think it’s a mistake,” he said. “But I won’t bother you anymore.” He stroked her cheek again, still had his fingers tangled in her hair. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

She nodded, but she knew she would never be ready for him. She would never be able to meet his challenge. “Good-bye, David.”

“Good-bye, Kate.” He dropped one last soft kiss on her cheek and left.

Kate stood with David’s jacket still draped over her shoulders. She pulled it around her to ward off the chill, but in doing so she caught a whiff of David’s cologne. And it was the smell, the same one that lingered after they made love, which forced Kate to the conclusion that she wasn’t getting over him anytime soon.