Текст книги "Until You"

Автор книги: Jeannie Moon

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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

Chapter 26

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Laura was fine at the party for the first ten seconds. It took her that long to check out the crowd and see her mother staring back at her. She was standing with David, who was practically holding her up, and another woman who had her hand on Mom’s arm. This was the worst nightmare she’d ever had.

Laura sucked in and suddenly found herself gasping for air. She couldn’t breathe. She tried to stay calm, but she knew what was happening. No air was going in; her lungs were closing off.

She hadn’t had an asthma attack in over two years, and the sudden tightness was terrifying. The only up side of it was she might die and she wouldn’t have to face everyone she’d lied to.

It was like trying to breathe underwater with a hundred pounds on her chest. It hurt, and Laura grabbed her chest and dropped to her knees.

Jack fell with her, his face terrified. “What’s wrong? Jesus, what is it?”

She couldn’t speak, couldn’t tell him. In a split second she heard a commotion. David dragged Jack off the floor and Mom was right next to her, along with the woman that Laura now recognized as a nurse from the hospital.

“Give me her purse,” Mom snapped.

She heard a shaking sound, voices. Laura started to feel dizzy and tears ran down her cheeks, but then her inhaler was in her mouth and Mom told her what was happening before releasing the medicine for her to breathe in. “Breathe, Laura.” Mom’s hand rubbed her back. “Take it easy. Breathe. Another puff.”

The medicine started to take effect and the pain lessened. She could breathe again, but she was still gasping involuntarily and wheezing. Mom handed her the inhaler and she took another puff herself. Slowly her breathing steadied. She could see again, and looking up, she saw all the people surrounding her, gawking.

Dying would have been less embarrassing.

*

Jack dropped to his knees, taking Kate’s place next to Laura, and pulled her into his arms. Kate shuddered to think of what was going to happen over the next couple of hours. Laura had just been caught lying to pretty much everyone. This was going to get ugly.

Kate put her arms around David’s waist, leaned into him for support, and fought the urge to cry.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

Kate nodded and looked at Brandy, who was standing there with a strained smile and her sky blue eyes darting all over the place. “Thank goodness you knew what to do. How did you know she had asthma?”

Kate looked at Laura, who was still being held by Jack. Her daughter’s eyes were pleading, begging her not to say anything.

Kate shifted her gaze to David, then to Annie, and to Laura one more time, before she finally answered Brandy. “My daughter has asthma. I recognized it.”

Laura turned her face into Jack’s bicep and closed her eyes.

“She’ll need to go home, though,” Kate said.

Jack helped her up and kept his arm firmly around her. It was protective, no one was getting near her without his say so. Kate could see the love between them and it made her heart break. This was going to be very bad for both of them. The crowd started to disperse, but there were lots of looks and questions.

Jay walked over, both hands in his pockets, looked at Jack and Laura, and blew out a breath. “This is your girl? She’s pretty.” He looked back at Kate and scratched his head. “Yeah.”

Jack nodded and stroked Laura’s cheek with his finger. “I’ll take you back to your Dad’s.”

David moved next to Jack, but focused his attention on Laura. She was exhausted and he could see it as plainly as she could. When Kate finally regrouped, she walked forward and took David’s hand. Jack was so grateful he could barely form a coherent sentence.

“Thank you,” he mumbled to Kate. “Thank you.”

Kate acknowledged Jack, but focused her attention on Laura. “We need to get you home.”

Laura nodded, but wouldn’t step away from her guy. He held her closer and now looked at Kate suspiciously, rather than with gratitude. “I’ll take her home.”

Laura’s eyes were sad and tired. Kate’s hand gently touched the diamond heart that hung around her neck and then she looked at Jack. Poor, confused Jack. Her words were barely above a whisper as she told him what was going to happen. “No. I’m her mother, and she’s coming home with me.”

If his reaction could have been measured, she still wouldn’t have seen anything. His face was like stone, completely without emotion.

“You can follow us there, and once she’s settled some, you can talk.” Kate was trying to be calm. Jack had just had the shock of his life, and he didn’t even have the whole story yet.

When she thought about it, neither did Kate.

He nodded dumbly, too stunned to argue, kissed Laura’s head, and then let her go to Kate. David reappeared with her coat, and he kept Laura steady as Kate helped her bundle up against the cold air. She wrapped her own scarf around Laura, who was painfully underdressed.

Annie and Jay were also following.

Brandy reappeared, jumpy and nervous. “Hey, so sorry you can’t stay. Gosh, I hope you feel better, honey.”

David patted Brandy’s shoulder. “We’ll take care of her.”

“Okay, bye then.” She waved goodbye like a five-year-old, moving only her fingers. That was the last image Kate had of Brandy Girard. It was enough.

*

At the house, David gathered some glasses and the remainder of the scotch he brought with him a few nights ago. There was three quarters of a bottle left, more than enough to dull the ache. God knew he needed one, and Nelly definitely would. Jay had probably let him know he’d been on the verge of taking a seventeen-year-old to bed, so alcohol was definitely on the menu.

He didn’t know what to feel. Kate was being Kate, handling everything calmly, but he fully expected her to fall apart later. He’d really grown to care about Laura. In the short time he’d known her, they’d learned to understand each other, but he had no idea what would make her pull something like this. Jack was a wreck. The kid was stupid in love with Laura, and that wasn’t going to go away because he couldn’t have her.

“Is that scotch?” Annie said, walking into the room.

David nodded and poured one for each of them. They clinked glasses and took a sip. “How’s Laura?”

“Better. Kate had a nebulizer and the medicine. Her lungs are settling down. The cold, along with the stress of seeing you and Kate, must have triggered the attack. She’s sick about Jack.”

“Have you heard from Jay?”

“Uh huh. Almost here. The poor kid’s a mess.” Jay had followed him to the city and Annie ended up riding in the car with David, Kate, and Laura. They’d dropped Jack’s car at his apartment since no one thought he should drive.

“Jay told him?”

Annie made a face. “Are you kidding? Of course he did. You don’t think Jay is going to miss a chance to humiliate the ‘rook’, do you?”

“True.” David took another drink, imagining what was going on between Laura and Kate.

He looked out the kitchen window and saw lights in the driveway. He put down his glass and walked to the side door in time to see Jack and Jay get out of the Jag. Jay looked like a man who had an attack of conscience and Jack looked like he’d had the shit kicked out of him.

Nelly walked into the house and saw all the pictures on the fridge, a recent report card, information about college visits—proof that he’d been dating a high school girl. Jay got him to take off his coat and their young teammate took the drink David offered him, downing it in one gulp.

“That’s not going to solve anything,” Annie said.

“It’ll make me forget. Fill it up, Padre.”

David poured two fingers of scotch in the glass and watched his Jack drown his pain.

“She lied to me. Everything she said was a lie.”

Jay swirled the amber liquid in his glass. “Get used to it, buddy.” He downed his own drink and motioned for David to fill it up. “Happy Fucking New Year.”

Jack had wandered into the den and examined the shelves of pictures. It was Laura’s life story, and he was finally seeing the truth of who she was. All David could think was that it was lucky they decided to go the party or right now Jack would probably have her in bed. If that had happened, he didn’t know if his friend could have lived with himself.

David watched him sit in one of the big club chairs and drop his head in his hands. Taking a seat adjacent to him on the couch, David handed him another scotch and turned on Sports Center.

“Drink that one slowly.”

Jack nodded. “You must think I’m a total shit.”

David looked at him. “No. I think you were a stupid ass. You can’t tell your shit to just anyone.”

Jay came and sat with them. “But, it’s kind of a tradition, your rookie year isn’t officially over until some chick fucks with your head. You’re lucky she didn’t take a picture and send your junk all over social media.”

“I thought I was in love with her.”

David downed the rest of his drink. “You are in love with her, but you’ve got to get over it.”

*

Kate poked her head in Laura’s room and saw her daughter curled up on the bed. Her hair was damp at the ends from the long hot shower Kate had insisted she take, and her body still shuddered now and again from the leftover tears. Her poor little girl, so misguided, but so very much in love. What the hell had happened?

Nudging the door open with her elbow, she entered, setting the small tray on the desk. Laura turned at the sound, wiping her eyes, and sitting up when she saw Kate.

“Hi,” Kate said. “Annie made you a snack since you didn’t get to eat.”

“Thanks,” Laura said, sniffing and rubbing her hand under her nose. She wore an oversized nightshirt and a pair of soft, worn-in white socks. “What’s on the tray?”

“Juice and an English muffin.”

“Sounds good.” Laura took the glass Kate offered and the plate with the muffin. Kate sat on the edge of the bed and gently rubbed Laura’s back.

“Are you feeling better?” Kate was talking about her breathing, but got a totally different answer.

“I didn’t mean to lie. It just kind of happened. And now…” Laura’s breath hitched and she leaned in. “Now he hates me.”

“I don’t think he hates you.” Based on what she saw, Jack’s feelings were pretty clear. When Laura collapsed at the party, he was frantic. The boy was madly in love with her, and that was going to make this all the harder. “And believe me; this will be tough on him, too.”

“I know. I know.” Tears filled Laura’s eyes and she rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes. Her voice was small, hoarse from the attack and the tears, but what she said next rocked Kate to the core. “I just wanted someone to love me.”

The truth of the matter finally surfaced, and Kate’s heart wilted under the realization. Her eyes burned. Laura believed no one loved her. The twisted attention Richard paid to her, the affectionate distance Kate bestowed, were not what she wanted or needed. Her daughter needed love, and when she didn’t get it at home, she found it someplace else. It was the most heart wrenching and sobering thing she’d ever felt. No more, never again would her daughter feel unwanted or question Kate’s devotion. It was time to tell her the truth. Taking Laura’s face in her hands, Kate leveled a watery gaze in her direction.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world. And I am so…” Tears spilled and Kate sucked in a breath. “I am so sorry.” The great sob escaped when she faced how she failed her daughter. “I love you. I have always loved you.”

Laura had started crying again, overcome by Kate’s words. “Where were you? When I was growing up? Why did you always stay away?”

Closing her eyes, she tried to verbalize the years of abuse. It was hard, but what was harder was that Kate had to face her own cowardice. “Your father threatened… he said he would…” Drawing a deep breath, she finally said it. “He wanted you all to himself, and he would threaten to take you away if I tried to be part of your life. When I disagreed with him, or tried to do more than he considered acceptable, he’d… he’d hit me.”

Laura sat back and stared at her.

Kate had just burst her image of the man who raised her, and looking away, she wondered if she made a mistake. “I didn’t want to lose you and I had no doubt he’d keep his word, but it killed me watching you grow up without me. I tried to stay involved in some way, but it was hard.” She drew a shaky breath and continued. “When you got older, he’d set the tone—you and him on one side and me on the other. I know I was weak and I should have fought against him, but I was scared.” She gulped hard. “I was so scared he would take you away and I would never see you again.”

“Oh, God,” she whispered. “Daddy hit you? Hit you?”

Kate nodded, ashamed that she’d never stood up for herself. Laura took her hand and Kate collapsed, and the two of them held each other like never before.

When they moved apart, Laura said, “I didn’t even see what he was doing to you. I didn’t know.”

Kate nodded and touched her face. “This whole thing with Jack could have been tragic. You’re lucky he was the man you met that day, but all of us have to take some blame. We didn’t pay enough attention to what was going on with you. God, if anything had happened to you…” She stopped, choking back tears when she thought of all the possibilities.

Laura took a sip of the juice, dropped her head, and told Kate a secret that would blow Richard’s life apart. “Marie was paying attention. She knew. Not everything. But she knew he was older, and she covered for me with Dad.”

The blinding light that flashed behind Kate’s eyes must have been anger, because no other emotion would fit the bill. Covered for her? What did that mean? Lied for her was a better description. That crazy lunatic had messed with her daughter for the last time.

“I am going to get her, I swear to God,” she mumbled.

Laura didn’t respond, taking a bite of her muffin instead.

There was quiet while the room settled and the two of them adjusted to the new stage they were entering. When Laura spoke again, she didn’t waste words.

“I was going to spend the night with him,” she whispered.

Kate swallowed and made herself stay calm. It was one landmine after another. “I figured. You’re ready to give yourself like that?”

“Only to him.” Her voice was hoarse, scratchy.

Great. Kate had to be careful here, especially considering her own situation. “That’s a big decision, and I’m sure you didn’t make it without a lot of thought.”

“Yes, I… I wanted to be with him. But now…” Laura started to cry again, the tears rolling gently down her cheeks.

She curled against Kate, much the way she did when she was little and had awakened from a bad dream. Unfortunately, Kate had no pearls of wisdom, nothing wise to tell her daughter. The only thing left to do was for Laura to face her mistake and take responsibility.

Kate passed her a handful of tissues and Laura dried her eyes. “I have to go talk to him now, don’t I?”

“Yeah, you do.”

Blowing out her breath, Laura rose from the bed. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this. How am I going to say good-bye to him?”

Kate helped her up and put her arm around Laura’s shoulder. “You know what you have to do. Just remember that I’m here if you need me. I will always be here.”

*

Laura walked slowly down the stairs, through the hall and to the kitchen. She stopped when she saw Annie sitting at the island. She liked Annie; she was smart. It was like she could handle anything, kind of like Mom. Her sad smile told the whole story. She knew this was going to be bad, too. Laura drew as deep a breath as she could and walked into the den.

David stared at her, disappointed, and she felt ashamed. She was just getting to know him and she hated that she might have lost his trust already. Jay Hemmings looked at her like she was evil, just plain evil. And then there was Jack. He was slumped in a chair, staring at the TV.

Laura sniffed in because she wasn’t even trying to stop the tears, and Jack finally looked at her. His face was hard and angry, and she knew she deserved everything he was going to throw at her. He left his chair and stood before her. He was so tall, so big, and she looked away, feeling small and almost a little scared.

“We need some privacy.”

Laura nodded and even though she wanted to run away, she turned and headed toward the front of the house. She brought him to the library. The dark paneled room had big leather furniture, shelves from floor to ceiling, and her piano. She closed the French doors behind them and stood with her back to the glass, never fully advancing into the room.

Jack was stalking around like an angry animal. His shoulders strained the fibers of his sweater and she could see he was tight, fuming mad, and all of it was directed at her.

“Jack, I’m sorry…”

He spun at her, the rage coming from every part of him. “The last thing I need to hear is your fucking apology.”

Laura wasn’t prepared for the internal collapse. He hated her. He truly did. Her lip started to quiver and her limbs shook. Everything in her crumbled. She felt the sobs rack her body, painful deep sobs that made her want to die. Behind the fear of being caught in so many lies, Laura had to face the reality that she was going to lose him. This man was everything to her and she was going to lose him. Occasionally, she let a heavy cough clear her lungs, but the air was sticking in her chest now because of sorrow, not her asthma.

“You lied to me. You told me the first lie and then you just kept it up, one after another.”

“I lied about my age.”

“And where you lived, and about your family, and where you went to school. I don’t know you, Laura. I thought I loved you, but I don’t know who you are!”

The truth of what he said hurt. He was right. He didn’t know anything about her. Everything she’d given him had been half a story.

“You were going to let me take you to bed. I don’t do that, Laura, I don’t go after high school girls. You were going to make me that guy, and that’s not who I am.”

“I’m sorry. I am.” Giant tears fell and she sucked in ragged breaths. “I’m sorry.”

“I know I’m the dumb hick. I went to college to play hockey, otherwise I’d be working on the family farm. The guys bust on me about that every fucking day. But I never thought you—” He sat on the couch and dropped his head in his hands. “I trusted you.”

Laura sat on the piano bench and continued to cry. Giant tears plopped onto the keys and all she heard from Jack were deep shaky breaths. This hurt him, too. Laura did this to him and she hated herself for it. That was worse than anything she felt, because for the first time in her life, Laura understood what love was all about. The tears slowed and she started to resign herself to the fact that it was over.

He hadn’t ever lied to her, and all she’d done was lie to him, except when she told him she loved him. That was all the truth she had. “I’m sorry, Jack. I never meant for this to happen.”

He looked up at her and his eyes were so sad. Laura touched the piano keys and a single note filled the room. It made her heart hurt. She was a single note, now. Not part of anything.

“I guess I do know one thing about you,” he said. His voice was hoarse, deep.

“What’s that?”

He stood and approached her. “I know about your music.”

Laura’s eyes met his and she could see he loved her, but she’d broken more than his heart. She broken his trust, and that was far worse. “It’s my heart, just like you.”

The silence was chilling and lonely. Laura was so tired; all she wanted to do was sleep.

Jack took three steps and he stood before her, tall, strong, and so very handsome. “Goodbye, Laura.”

She bit her lip as it trembled. “Goodbye, Jack.”

He ran his hand over her hair and then left the room. Watching him go was crushing, and all the pain from the inside was floating to the surface. Not knowing what to do, Laura turned to her piano, and letting her hands run over the wet keys, started to play.

*

Jack hesitated when he saw Kate sitting in the kitchen. She’d poured herself a glass of wine and knew she looked like hell. She didn’t care. Now it was time to be the mom. Jack had said his piece to Laura, and now it was Kate’s turn to talk to him.

He stepped to the big kitchen island and made uneasy eye contact. He was fidgety, taking his hands in and out of his pockets, tapping his fingers. Jay, Annie, and David were watching from the den, but Kate didn’t want to be distracted, so she did her best to tune out the noise.

“I’m sorry if you think I was too hard on her… maybe I was.” He shuffled his feet like the boy he was.

“You’re angry. I understand that.”

“Still, I… I know she’s hurting, too.”

“She is, but that’s not what has me upset with you.”

“I treated her right,” he said. “I was a gentleman.”

“No, Jack, you weren’t a gentleman.”

“Excuse me?”

“I heard what you said to her, that you weren’t ‘that guy’. You know, the one who went after high school girls. But did you tell her you are the guy who discussed taking her to bed with your friends?” Jack’s face froze. “That you discussed it with them? Does Laura know you’re that guy?”

He said nothing.

“What she did was wrong, but that was between you and her. You ruined her reputation, made her a joke.”

“I didn’t think…”

“Wow, does that sound familiar?” She cut him off and didn’t care that he felt the need to explain. “People do stupid things sometimes. She loves you and she’s going to be miserable as a result, but everything she did was because she had feelings for you. Right or wrong, that’s it.” Kate came around the island and faced him.

“What did you tell people? What you were planning? That she was a virgin? It seems a lot of people know about things that should have stayed private.”

Jack glanced around, looking for help, but saw he was on his own. “I… I didn’t mean for anything to become public knowledge. I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“Well you did. She has a lot to answer for, but so do you. Here’s something for you to chew on, farm boy—I don’t care where you came from, or how much education you have. The reason I would never want you around my daughter is because you don’t respect her.”

Kate walked out and left Jack with his head hanging—and David, Jay, and Annie with some insight about Kate the Mom. Stopping by the library door, she saw Laura, throwing herself into the music, trying to play away the pain. The room was dimly lit and her beautiful girl was sitting at the black Steinway in the oversized shirt and fuzzy slippers, her face wet and swollen from tears.

Kate didn’t flinch when David’s arms slipped around her from behind, she simply placed her hands over his and leaned into the strength he gave her. His chin rested in her hair and the two of them watched Laura play.

“You may have Jack sleeping on your couch.”

Kate looked over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow.

“I think he’s on his third shot since your conversation.”

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter to me where he sleeps.”

“For what it’s worth, he feels like shit.”

Kate couldn’t feel sympathy for him, not when her daughter was going to be punished for both of their mistakes. “How sad for him.”

“Kate? That’s not fair.” David’s admonishment was deserved, but she didn’t feel sorry for Jack; the only person she felt for was Laura. Yes, it was her own fault, but that didn’t mean Kate wouldn’t take her pain if she could.

“All she wanted was for someone to love her. I feel like I failed her.”

“Don’t be too tough on yourself.”

“It’s hard not to be.”

“Are you telling Richard?” David asked.

“Tomorrow. He’ll have company in the afternoon. So I’ll go in the morning.”

“Not going to make a scene?”

“It’s tempting, but no. I just want him to know what happened.”

David watched Laura plow through the different pieces of music, and Kate could see the awe on his face. He understood Laura and her passion—he was that way when he played hockey, Kate was that way when she skated and when she wrote. Something came from the inside out.

“Does she even know we’re here?”

“Probably not.”

*

Laura was starving. She made her way through the dark house at four o’clock in the morning for something to quiet her hunger.

She’d peeked into her mother’s room before going downstairs. David was there with her. The two of them were nestled together like they’d been with each other for years. David’s shoes were at the end of the bed, his watch on the armoire. She’d noticed earlier in the week that some of his clothes were in Mom’s closet. It should have been weird, but it wasn’t. They were happy together, and for Laura that was the important thing.

She flipped the switch and flooded the big kitchen with light. There had to be something in the house to eat.

The oversized fridge had tons of leftovers from the many family dinners they’d had over the week. There was cake, cheese, all stuff that would make her cough. Examining the many Tupperware containers, she found the last pieces of Aunt Trish’s Southern fried chicken. Awesome.

She kicked the door shut with her foot, turned around, and faced the hard wall of Jack’s chest. Shit. No longer wearing the black shirt he wore to go out earlier, he was in a plain white t-shirt and his dress pants. He stared down at her, his eyes still groggy from sleep and, she guessed, too much alcohol. The big question, why he was still here? There had to be a reason, also probably related to alcohol, and she’d get to it, but right now Laura was too busy inhaling what remained of his Armani cologne. He looked in the container and took a sniff.

“That looks good.”

And then he took the chicken. Her chicken. Not cool. But not having the energy to fight him, she caved. “I’ll get plates.” Laura fished two plates out of the cupboard and brought them to the island. “What are you doing here?”

“I guess I passed out when I finished the scotch.” He was picking little pieces off a nice big drumstick and Laura slapped his hand.

“That’s my piece. Stop that.”

“Fine.” He pulled his hand back and the corner of his mouth tilted up. “What are you doing up?”

“I was hungry and I couldn’t sleep.”

“I hear ya.” He stared at the chicken on his plate and then looked at her.

Laura was drawn to his eyes. As soon as she looked at him, really settled into the deep blue, she saw all the sadness she was feeling reflected right back. But it was when he reached out and touched her face; it was the gentle stroke of his fingers on her cheek that triggered Laura’s meltdown. Leaving him where he sat, she went to the sink and leaned in.

Her hand came to her mouth as she tried to stifle the sob breaking from her chest. She was barely holding it together when Jack’s hands dropped onto her shoulders and turned her around.

He pulled her to him and closed his arms around her, pressing her head into his broad chest. His hands ran through her hair, and his lips touched the top of her head. Laura reached around him and held tight. Her tears didn’t come in great waves like she expected, but softly, sadly.

“This is killing me,” he said. “But you know we can’t, it doesn’t matter what I feel for you. We can’t.”

“I know.” And she did. It would be all wrong, for both of them. She was too young to be part of his life and he was too old to be part of hers. The number of years weren’t the issue; it was the timing. Laura swallowed hard, trying to choke down the sobs, but finally failing miserably. “It hurts so much.”

“I know. God, do I know.” He tried to soothe her, holding her tight.

Laura thought about how this would be the last time he’d hold her like this, the last time she’d feel his arms around her. He pulled back a little and his hand came to her chin, urging her to look at him.

Seeing his face, she could tell he was hurting too. He was as sad and miserable as she was. Laura didn’t know which was worse, the pain she felt, or knowing how he felt.

“I love you, Jack, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for lying. For everything.”

“Please don’t be sorry you love me, because I’m not sorry I love you. I just wish it could be different.”

Her heart felt like it would explode from her chest. There was so much she felt, so much she wanted to say. Then Laura surprised herself and did something she wouldn’t have expected she could have done even an hour ago: she kissed him. It was a kiss goodbye, a kiss to tell him what she felt, and Jack responded, pulling her close. His mouth consumed hers; it was as if he was trying to take as much of her as possible before saying goodbye.

Finally, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers and dragging in a deep breath as he did. “I’ll miss you,” he whispered.

Someday the timing would be right. Laura knew it wouldn’t be any time soon, but someday.