Текст книги "Breaking Stars"
Автор книги: J. Sterling
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
Just a Fling
Tatum
I hadn’t accomplished a damn thing since I pushed Paige out of town. My computer at the shop had been bookmarked up the ass with celebrity gossip sites and entertainment channels.
I was a man obsessed. Every time I saw a photo of Paige and Colin together, like the one splashed on every website of him walking her into her apartment building, his hand on her waist, I wanted to throw this piece-of-shit computer across the room and watch it shatter the same way my heart had.
As much as I wanted to believe they weren’t back together, there was no denying the pictures I saw. Even the one where it looked like she was shoving him away, but the photo was followed by a headline that made even me question exactly what I was seeing, and I had just spent weeks with the girl.
I needed to rein it in. Paige stopped being my business the minute I allowed her to drive away without me.
Knuckles rapped against the door frame of the shop’s office, forcing me to find some sense of inner calm. I leaned back in the squeaky swivel chair, and my eyes fell upon Celeste’s sad expression.
“What do you want? Come to rub it all in my face?” I ask snidely, knowing that Celeste wasn’t at all the cause of my ire and didn’t deserve it, but I’d been an unbearable bastard since Paige exited my life.
“Don’t be mean to me,” she snapped, and shame washed over me.
“I’m sorry.”
Pulling up the guest chair closer to me, she sat down uninvited. “I know you’re hurting, Tatum, that’s why I came. I know who ratted out Paige’s location, and I couldn’t keep that information from you. Not once I knew for sure.”
I leaned forward, my arms pressing down on top of my old man’s desk. “Who?”
Her eyes closed briefly before she opened them again. “One guess,” she said, her head nodding along with my changing expression.
“Brina.” My throat constricted with the single word as fire started to flow through my veins. “Why would she do that?”
“Because she’s a jealous bitch, Tatum. There’s no other reason for her awful behavior other than if you weren’t going to be with her, then you weren’t going to be with anyone. Especially not someone famous. Brina can’t handle it. She can’t handle the fact that you want nothing to do with her. She can’t handle the fact that a famous Hollywood actress wants something to do with you, so she got rid of her. She found out Paige’s agent’s name and she called him. Told him exactly where Paige was.”
“I wondered how the hell he found her,” I said, my voice almost failing me.
“I had my suspicions and once I caught her in a lie, she couldn’t keep her information straight, she let it all out. Not only did she call Jayson, she was the one who suggested he bring Colin along. She told him it might help. That Paige missed him.”
My head spun as my insides churned. “Haven’t I been through enough hell in my life without the people who are supposed to care about me working to screw it all up? What the hell!”
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Celeste’s eyes met mine.
“I didn’t scorn her, she scorned me!” I shouted and then fought back a laugh at how ridiculous this conversation had become.
“I’m just saying,” Celeste said with a shrug, “women can be cruel. And Brina doesn’t like losing.”
“She lost a long time ago. None of this makes any sense.” I battled with my growing fury, thanking God I wasn’t a woman, but couldn’t help but wonder why some of them were so screwed up.
Celeste frowned. “I’m done with her. I can’t be friends with someone like that anymore. I’ve overlooked a lot of things over the years, but this is something I can’t get past.”
I shook my head, unable to form a response because, really, what was there for me to say? I’d given up on Brina the day she gave up on me.
“I just wanted you to know what was going on, Tatum. And I needed you to know what she’d done.”
I assumed she was done and would get up to leave, but she stayed seated, staring at me. “What?” I asked her, shrugging my shoulders.
Celeste tilted her head as she studied me. “What the heck are you gonna do about Paige? You’re not just going to let her go without a fight, are you? That’s not the stand-up guy I know.”
I dropped my head into my hands, feeling worse than ever. “I don’t think it was anything more than just a fling. She was in a bad place and needed to get away, and she happened to find me in the process.”
“That’s crap and you know it.” She narrowed her eyes at me as a scowl appeared. “Or maybe you don’t know it. But I saw the way she looked at you, and I saw the way you looked at her. That was no fling. And if you’re too stupid to realize it, I’m sitting here telling you. That way you have no one to blame but yourself if you don’t go after her.”
“I can’t just pick up and leave!” I snapped before forcing myself to calm down. “I have a business to run. This shop is our livelihood and I can’t abandon it, or my mom.”
Reaching across the desk, Celeste tapped my arm and said, “Tatum, you are so much more than this small town. I don’t think your mama would want you to stay here at the cost of your own happiness. You’ve been doing that ever since your daddy died.”
I knew she was right, having already discussed this with Paige on more than one occasion. I remembered the other night where I promised her that we could start looking toward my future. That was before I shoved her out of my house, when every day felt like a promise just because she was a part of it. Now my days felt like a sort of punishment. A well-deserved one, at that.
“Have you even talked to her since she left?”
Her question burned a hole in my gut, and I shuddered at my own cowardice. “No.”
“Don’t you think you should at least apologize?” Celeste’s eyes bored through me, her disappointment as clear as the sun on a cloudless day.
“I should do a lot of things, Celeste. Thanks for the pep talk,” I said sarcastically, sensing myself starting to shut down.
She shook her head. “It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore. And it’s sad.”
“Why are you on my ass?” I shouted. “Why do you care so much about what I do?”
She inhaled a deep breath before saying, “Because you have no idea how happy you looked these past few weeks. It was like we had the old Tatum back. And I want that for you.”
Her words stung. “What do you think I should do?” I asked.
“I think that for starters, it’s time you had a frank conversation with your mama. Like yesterday,” she said pointedly before getting up and walking toward the door.
“It’s not that easy,” I called out to her.
Celeste stopped in the doorway and turned to pin me with a serious look. “The best things in life aren’t always easy, Tatum. But they’re worth fighting for. I’m scared to death you’ll never get over this thing with Paige if you stay here and give up.” And just like that, she walked out, leaving me in the office alone with my thoughts and her words echoing in my mind.
She was right, which thoroughly pissed me off. I wanted to toss something after her or punch something, but I buried my head in my hands instead. I’d really screwed things up with Paige. Even if I did get my shit together and work on my future, how could I do that and still include her in it?
Paige probably didn’t even want me at this point; she probably hated my guts. But Celeste was right—losing Paige would ruin me if I let it. A girl like that was worth fighting for, and it was time I took a turn in the ring.
The Land of Spectacular Lies
Paige
“Hi, Mom,” I said into my cell phone as I settled onto the couch. I’d slept most of the day away, my mind filled with dreams of a place that suddenly felt achingly far away.
“Hi, honey. How was your night? Did you sleep okay?” she asked, although I half wondered if she already knew the answer.
“Once I finally fell asleep, yeah. Actually, I just woke up not too long ago,” I said, glancing over at the wall clock that read 4:42.
“Well, that’s good. You’re probably mentally exhausted. Do you want me to come over?”
Seeing my mom sounded so appealing, but I needed more time. “I do want to see you, Mom, but not just yet. I need to figure some things out first. You’ve seen all the reports about rehab and stuff?” I squeezed my eyes shut with the ridiculous notion.
She sighed. “There are some paparazzi camped outside the house. They’re relentless. I lost it and yelled at one of them the other day, but they wouldn’t believe me.”
“What happened? What did you say?” Curious, I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees.
“They were asking me all these horrible questions about your battle with drugs and alcohol and suicide. I told them that you simply needed a break, but when they asked me where you were, I couldn’t answer, and so I think I made it all worse. I’m sorry, honey. I was only trying to help.”
She sounded exhausted too. It was one thing for the stories to affect me and my day-to-day life, but when they affected my family, it stung. I hated the way they got dragged into anything that had to do with me. If I lost sleep over anything, it was things like that.
“Mom, you didn’t make anything worse. Don’t worry about it. You know they’re going to say whatever they want to make money. Just don’t talk to them anymore. They aren’t worth your energy.” I tried to believe my own words, but it was easier to give advice than it was to take it.
“Paige, I’ll come over anytime you need me to. Just let me know, okay? I’m dying to see you. Your sister is too,” she added, sounding happier at the notion.
“That sounds really nice,” I said, meaning it more than she knew. The thought of being with my family was incredibly comforting. “I’ll see you both soon. I miss you.”
We said our good-byes, and I hung up the phone. Reaching for my laptop, I started scrolling through all the false reports and pure guesses being reported as fact as to my whereabouts. I stopped reading the articles after I realized it wasn’t doing me any good. There were only so many lies you could attempt to absorb about yourself before you wanted to run outside and show them all the true meaning of crazy.
Because I hadn’t been seen for weeks, rehab was a natural assumption. Although I didn’t entirely blame the press for that, I completely blamed them for their horrific reasoning for it. The tabloids reported that I couldn’t handle Colin’s infidelity and that I was too embarrassed to show my face in public. They claimed that I’d tried to overdose on pills, and one even quoted me as saying I wanted to “make the pain go away forever.”
The most frustrating part for me was that in all the years of being famous, I’d never once made a spectacle of myself. I’d never handled myself badly or acted like a girl who couldn’t live without her boyfriend. So it pissed me off for everyone to be so quick to believe I was suddenly pathetic, weak, and self-destructive.
Was there no loyalty anymore? Had nothing I’d done counted for anything? Apparently not when it came to selling magazines or online ad space.
A swift knock at my door startled me, causing my breath to quicken. Since the lobby hadn’t called up to inform me that I had a guest, I knew it had to be Quinn.
“Come in,” I shouted from my comfy spot on the sofa. I glanced behind me to see my best friend burst through the door and run in my direction.
“My God, I’ve missed you!” She plopped herself into my lap and wrapped her arms around me, her blond ponytail swishing from side to side.
Squeezing her back, I choked out, “I missed you too. Now get off me.”
She glanced at my laptop screen before reaching over to slam it shut. “Don’t read it. It’s all total horseshit pulled out of thin air.”
“Pretty hurtful horseshit,” I muttered.
Her mouth dropped open. “Paige Agatha Lockwood, did you just swear? Why, I never!” she said in a thick Southern accent.
“I did, but I didn’t enjoy it,” I said with a pout.
“You enjoyed it a little,” she teased, and when I vehemently shook my head in disagreement, she hopped up and said, “I’m grabbing a water. You need anything?”
“I’m good.” I raised my already full water glass in her direction.
“We’re going to talk about all the press and stuff in a minute, but first I’m dying to hear about Tatum and all the red he made you feel,” she shouted from the kitchen as if she were a thousand feet away.
When Quinn mentioned Tatum, my heart seized. I flashed back to the conversation where I told Quinn that Tatum made me feel in color, just like a Taylor Swift song.
“A little louder,” I called out. “I don’t think the people on the street heard you.”
“I said,” she yelled even louder, then laughed at herself as she walked back into the living room. “Sorry, I’ve been an angry wife all day on set, so there’s been a lot of raised voices.”
“Can we not talk about Tatum?” Thinking about our last night together—his lips all over my skin, his strong body on top of mine—I couldn’t handle those feelings right now in addition to everything else. I was certain that if a body could short-circuit and spark out, mine would in this instant.
Quinn plopped onto the other end of the sofa and sipped at her water, eyeing me over the rim of the glass. “But I’ve never heard you talk about someone the way you talked about him. I know you said he made you leave, but you have to know that’s some stupid machismo boy bullshit,” she deduced with little effort.
“It absolutely was. I know it was, but it doesn’t change anything.”
“Meaning?” she asked, her brow furrowed.
“Meaning, I’m not interested in a guy who needs to have a defense mechanism when it comes to me when things get tough. I can’t be pushed away like that. He tried to make me feel like I didn’t matter, like what we did didn’t matter. I would have never done that to him. I could have never treated him that way.” I sat up a little straighter, my inner decisiveness shocking even me as the words spilled from my lips.
“What you did,” she repeated. “Paige Nightingale Lockwood, did you sleep with him?” Quinn’s voice rose an octave as her jaw dropped open again.
I shut my eyes for a moment and willed the burning feeling that swirled in my stomach to subside. Nodding was the only answer I could give her.
“Well, I’m proud of you. I sort of love that Colin isn’t the last guy you’ve been with.”
“Me too,” I said with a weak smile.
“But I am sorry that Tatum treated you that way,” she added, the pain in her eyes reflecting my own. “That had to be really hurtful.”
“It was. Even though I know he didn’t mean it, doesn’t mean I have to accept it or put up with it. I’m mad at him. I deserve better than that.”
I let the anger fill me; it was easier to deal with than the pain of his loss. The sadness made me feel less alive, but the anger burned with a fire that reminded me how alive I still was.
Quinn stared at me in silence, and I wondered what exactly she was thinking before she spoke up. “You’re right. You do. You absolutely do.” She reached across the couch and squeezed my hand before letting it go. “So, no more red?”
“No more red. At least, not right now.”
“That sucks. I liked the whole color thing.”
I giggled. “We can still use it for you. Quinn, what color has Ryson made you feel today?”
“I haven’t seen him since this morning, so…green,” she said, drawing out the word.
“And with that answer, we’re done playing this game.” I rolled my eyes and looked away from my best friend’s grinning face.
“All right then, let’s talk about the press. Instead of you wading through that shit online, why don’t you ask me any questions you have? I’ll fill you in on what’s been said about you in your absence.”
I sucked in a quick breath. That I could handle. “That sounds good. Okay.”
“Whenever you’re ready,” she said, then took a long gulp of her water. “But are you really over Tatum? I mean, just like that?”
I huffed out a small laugh. “God, no. But I can’t focus on him right now. I’ve got to do damage control on my life and my career. Help me do that first. Please?”
“I get it,” Quinn said before she filled me in on the fact that the rehab rumors had only recently started to take life. The length of time I’d been out of the public eye just happened to correspond with a normal rehab stint by someone who was serious about kicking an addiction or getting mentally healthy. There really wasn’t much that I didn’t already know, except that Colin kept aligning his name with mine.
“He says you’re fine,” Quinn said, her lips curling as if she’d tasted something bad. “He speaks on your behalf any chance he gets, and tells the world that he’s in constant contact with you.”
“What did I ever see in him?” I narrowed my eyes and groaned at the idea of him being so conniving and gross.
“You never saw this side of him. We’ve been through this already. But, Paige, you need to put Colin and everyone else in their place. You need to stand up for yourself and address where you’ve been.”
“But they’ll want to know where exactly I was.” I pushed the memories of the field party, the swimming hole, and our last night together from my mind. “And I can’t do that to that town. They were so great to me, keeping my secret for as long as they did. I can’t have the press overrun the place and ruin it. It would take them all of two seconds to find out about Tatum and his mother, and harass them both half to death.”
Quinn tapped a finger against her lips. “You’re right. Maybe you can just allude to where you were. Just say you were in a town they’ve never heard of. Something. You have to do something.”
“I’ll see what Corryn and Jayson think I should do,” I said, so used to depending on them for every little detail of my professional life.
“Oh, screw both of them! They don’t care about you. And if you don’t know that by now, then maybe you should check into an institution.”
I pushed back into the couch, wishing that it would swallow me whole as the weight of her words hit me like a baseball bat to the chest.
“Did you learn nothing by being away?” Quinn insisted, then raised her voice. “Seriously?”
I flinched. “Don’t yell at me.” If Quinn didn’t back off a little, I was afraid I’d have another meltdown of a different kind. I was doing extremely well in my attempts to hold it together, but her pushing me so hard wasn’t helping.
“I’m sorry, but come on. You were a changed person while you were gone. You were stronger and free and brave. I need you to be that person here. You need you to be fearless here too, Paige, or you’ll never survive this.”
Quinn was right. I had finally developed a backbone while I was away, and I couldn’t pretend that strength wasn’t still somewhere inside me, even though it felt buried since returning home. I wasn’t only a different person because I had been out of Los Angeles; I had dug deep and found the courage that existed within me. It had apparently been dormant all my life because I’d never needed it before. And I definitely needed it now.
“I hate when you’re right,” I said with a sigh.
Holding back a smile, she said, “You must hate me a lot then.”
“You know what sucks the most?”
“What?”
“It’s that I felt the difference while I was gone. Lighter, you know? Less burdened. But the second I got back here I could literally sense that feeling leaving my body. The heaviness returned with every breath I took and settled on my shoulders, pressing me down. It was the most depressing feeling,” I said with a shudder.
“Shit, Paige, I’m sorry. I know I’m too hard on you sometimes, it’s just that I hate the people you have working for you. They aren’t on your side at all.” She set her water glass on the coffee table, then spun back to face me. “Tell you what. Call them right now. See what they say. Give them a chance to prove me wrong.”
Quinn’s agency had a built-in publicity department, so she didn’t have to hire someone separately. It was times like this that I wished I had a well-oiled machine working for me too.
I reached for my phone and dialed Corryn’s number first. She was my publicist, after all, and this was her department.
When the call connected, Corryn’s voice rang out. “Paige! Finally!”
“Hi, Corryn. I just wanted to check in and find out how you think I should handle this mess.” I eyed Quinn, who leaned her head toward mine as she tried to hear Corryn’s response.
“Now that you’re back in town, the rumor mill will most likely die down. I mean, at some point it will. It will probably get worse before it gets better. But you should use this to your advantage. Strike while the iron’s hot, and people will talk about you in ways they never have before. You know what we always say, bad publicity is still publicity.”
I hated when she said that; it didn’t make any sense. What the hell was she even talking about?
I growled with frustration, feeling myself coming unglued. “Don’t say that! I hate when you and Jayson say that about bad publicity. This is my life, my career. I’ve worked hard to not have any bad publicity—ever—and I’m not going to start now. Figure out how I can fix this, Corryn. That’s what I pay you for!” I pressed the End button and slammed down my phone, releasing a quick huff of indignation.
“My hero.” Quinn raised her hand in the air for a high five.
“Holy cow, that was terrifying and exhilarating,” I admitted with a small smile. “I’m not sure she deserved that.”
“Oh, she deserved that, all right. It’s been a long time coming.”
“Now what?” I asked my best friend, hoping her advice would be worth taking.
Quinn leaned against the cushions and stared at me for a moment before speaking, obviously collecting her thoughts. “I think that there’s a time to stay quiet and a time to stand up for yourself. For example, when Colin cheated and the press went crazy, you stayed quiet. Which was fine because it wasn’t your issue to address publicly. You didn’t do anything wrong, and there really was nothing you needed to say. You know what I mean?” She looked at me as I nodded along with her assessment.
“But this is a direct attack on your character and on you. So I think staying quiet is a mistake. If it were me, I’d want to defend myself. I wouldn’t want anyone thinking those things about me, especially when they aren’t anywhere close to the truth. I think you need to figure out what you want to say, but you should absolutely talk about this. But do it how you want. Post a blog on your website, an open letter to your fans, a post on social media, something.”
The more she talked, the more animated she became. Her eyes lit up as she said, “Yeah, you be the one in complete control. You tell the public what you want to, how you want to, and only what you want to share in your words. We can guess at what everyone’s questions will be, and we can figure out how to answer them without spilling any secrets about Tatum or Hanford. You can do this,” she insisted, then added, “and I’ll help you.”
Quinn’s idea had merit, and as I rolled it around in my head, I found myself perking up. “I like this plan. This feels right. I think I’ll ask my mom what she thinks too. You know, just to get a second opinion.”
“You need a new agent, Paige,” Quinn noted abruptly.
Nodding, I added her suggestion to the growing mental list of things I needed to accomplish since getting back. “I know.”
“And a new publicist as well.”
“Probably.”
“And please tell me you’ll put Colin in his place. Or let me do it. Violently,” she said darkly as she cracked her knuckles.
Laughing, I said, “I’ll do my best.”
“One thing at a time, I guess.”
Quinn tried to reassure me, but I knew these things needed to happen now or I’d never do them. If I didn’t act now, my will for so much change would fade. Days would turn into weeks, and I’d grow complacent and accepting again—two things I never wanted to be again when it came to my career and my life.
“There is something I’m sort of dying to do right now. And it’s a bit crazy, but—”
“I’m in,” Quinn said before even hearing my idea, and I laughed. “What is it?”
“I want to cut my hair.”
Her head tilted to the side as she assessed my current style. “Are we talking like new long layers, or chop it all?”
I grinned. “Chop it all off.”
“Like a pixie cut?” Her eyes widened in horror, and I cringed.
“Not that short, no. I’m thinking maybe shoulder length with layers.”
Quinn jumped up and tugged at my hand. “Oh my God. Let’s go right now before you change your mind.”
It might seem stupid to someone not in the entertainment industry, but when so many things in your life felt like they weren’t within your control, you fought to change the things that were. I’d wanted to cut my hair for years, but the long length was always tied into studio contracts and movie roles I’d signed on to play, even though it never made any sense to me with the invention of hair extensions and clip-ins.
I wasn’t currently committed to a project, so I was free to do whatever I wanted with my own hair. And I wanted something new, something daring, something bold. Honestly, losing any inches off my long locks was a pretty bold move for me.
And I couldn’t wait.
