Текст книги "Surrender to Love"

Автор книги: J. C. Valentine

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

He shook his head. “I don’t know about the men you dated before me, but I never leave a woman unsatisfied.”

“Jon,” Patricia said, grasping his shoulders as he dropped to his knees before her. “Really, I’m very satisfied, so this isn’t necessary.”

“It really is,” he insisted, hooking his fingers in her panties and holding them out of the way. His eyes locked on her rosy, swollen clit and his mouth watered. “You see,” he told her, stroking one finger through her cleft and plunging it deep into her opening. He scented his own fluid mixed with hers and felt his cock twitch between his thighs. “Something this pretty deserves to be licked.” He dragged his tongue over her tight little nub and circled it once. “It deserves to be pleasured.” He repeated the action, and then ventured further out, running his tongue over her lush, swollen folds. “It deserves to be worshiped.”

Pure male pride suffused him as Patricia tipped her head back, moaning long and low. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip, her eyes squeezing tightly shut as her hips bucked subtly.

Pinching her clit between his lips, Jon sucked, flicked and licked her until he felt the strength of her orgasm clutching the fingers he held deep inside of her. Her entire body trembled with the force of it. Sliding her panties back into place, Jon scooped up her discarded shorts, lifted one foot off the floor, and helped her step into them.

He smiled devilishly as he rose to his feet and drew his hand down his mouth to wipe the evidence of her release from his lips. “Now we can head back.”

Patricia placed her hand in his and let him lead her out. “Are you hungry?” he asked as they descended the stairs together. “I’m thinking I could go for a sandwich and maybe one of those brownies.”

Patricia laughed under her breath. “After the meal you just had, I would have thought you’d be full.”

Jon whirled around and pinned her to the wall, framing her with his arms. He lowered his face to within an inch of hers and dropped his voice so his words wouldn’t carry. “Make no mistake, Patricia, with you I’ll always be a starving man.”

Her eyes darted back and forth between both of his, measuring the weight of truth in his statement. When he was certain she’d found what she was looking for, he tugged her the rest of the way through the house and back outside, no longer hungry for food, but something infinitely sweeter.

17

“Should I tell your mother to start knitting booties?” Walter asked as Jon stepped back into the garage.

“What?” Jon shot his father a dubious look as he bent to pick up a small wooden table.

“I cut my finger on a staple earlier and came inside to get a Band-Aid, but it seemed the bathroom was occupied.” One bushy eyebrow arched up. “You know they make beds for that kind of thing, right? More to the point, they make beds that you can put in your bedroom, in your home. Get my drift?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jon waved him off, burying the twinge of embarrassment at having been caught in the act by his good old dad. It wouldn’t be the first time, but the cool thing about his dad was that he’d always been very relaxed about things. Even sex. “But if you had a girl like her on your arm, you’d understand why it couldn’t wait.”

“I do have a girl like that,” his father said, turning his head to look out across the front lawn. “See that woman over there with the killer legs and smile? That’s all mine, and once we’re done here and I can get you out of my house, I won’t be able to wait either.”

“Gross, Dad. Just gross.” Jon’s face pinched in disgust. The last thing any kid wanted to hear was that their parents had sex more than the one time it took to conceive them. Even then, Immaculate Conception would have been preferable.

“So,” his father said, plopping down in a dusty Adirondack and blowing out a tired breath. “How has life been treating you?”

Jon dragged another chair over and sat down beside him. Together they watched the activity going on outside. It felt like they were in their own little world apart from the rest. “Pretty well.”

“Business is good?”

“Yep.”

“Your mother said something about you looking for an accountant?”

Jon nodded. “Yep. Mine quit. Not a big deal, though. I have one of my workers on it.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to see that you’re successful. It’s hard running your own business.” He glanced over at him. “I’m proud of you, son.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Outside, a few people milled around, hunting for random treasures among their used junk. Patricia and his mother moved with them, answering questions and pointing out prices of things that were clearly labeled.

“So what is it about this one that made you want to bring her home?”

His father’s question startled him, and Jon had to sit and think for a minute before a suitable answer came to him. “She’s a challenge. She makes me smile, and I feel like I haven’t really smiled in a long time.” His eyes followed her every movement as he spoke, soaking her in inch by inch. “I feel happy when I’m with her.”

His father’s rough hand patted him on the knee. “That’s good, son. That’s exactly what I want to hear.”

Doubt dropped like a stone in Jon’s gut, as it always did when he traveled this line of thought. “I’m afraid I’m going to screw it all up.”

“I’m sure you will,” his father said definitively. “Men tend to screw shit up. I mean, look at me. I’ve been married to your mother for thirty-two years and I screw shit up every day. You just have to make sure you find a woman who’s willing to put up with you.”

“Yeah, but my baggage…” Jon hesitated, the words sticking in his throat. “That’s a tough pill to swallow. I’m afraid it’ll destroy everything when she finds out.”

Meeting his eyes, his father grew serious. “If she loves you, you’ll find a way to get through it. But, Jon, the problem here isn’t her, it’s you.” He looked out across the yard at their women. “At some point you have to forgive yourself and move on. You have to surrender everything, your past, your present, your future. If you want to be happy, you’re going to have to let go and surrender to love and trust that it’s strong enough to carry you through the worst so you can find your way through to the best. You’re going to have to tell her, son. The sooner the better.”

Swallowing thickly, Jon nodded, hearing the truth in his words ringing loud and clear. He was willing to surrender everything for a chance at something more with Patricia. Would she be willing to surrender her love to him after he revealed his secret to her?

* * *

So Stephanie put her in charge of the cash box. Patti wasn’t sure if that was a testament to the woman’s trust in her, or a test. Just the idea that it could be a test brought out the wicked and playful side of her. Had Stephanie been anyone other than Jon’s mother, she might have been tempted to stuff a couple of small bills in her pocket just to shake things up a bit. The girls would have had a real hoot over it, but she didn’t want to do anything that would engender any bad feelings.

She knew this was important to Jon, even though they hadn’t been together long, which meant it was important to her, too. Crazy how things just worked out sometimes.

She’d just finished counting out change to a woman who’d bought a country-style duck statue clothed in a dress when Jon and his father approached the table.

“We’re going to head across the street to give the Shelbys a hand,” Jon informed her. Sweat dampened his brow and stained his t-shirt darker under his arms and across his chest. Patti couldn’t help thinking about how delicious he looked, all hot and tired. His muscles bulged in places from the constant workout of lugging around heavy objects, but she wasn’t about to complain. Rather, it made her want to crawl over the table separating them and climb his body like a tree. She couldn’t wait until later when she had him all to herself. Oh, the things she wanted to do to his body. Sinful, wicked things that could get her arrested. The spot between her thighs, already saturated by their earlier lovemaking, clenched tight, and she felt the liquid heat of Jon’s semen wet the inside of her thigh.

How embarrassing.

It was a good thing no one else could see what was happening just then.

When she looked up at Jon, heat still lingering in his blue eyes, Patti felt herself blush all the way down to her toes. Not just because Jon was staring at her as if he wanted to eat her up all over again, but because Walter was standing right there, watching the silent communication pass between them as if he knew the details of the message being sent.

“Oh, okay,” she said, forcing her smile up a notch. “I would say have fun, but, well…” She shrugged. There was nothing fun about hard labor in this kind of heat, and they well knew it. She was sweating enough as it was, and she had the benefit of being shaded by a tree.

Jon winked at her, and then turned to walk away. Patti’s heart thumped wildly in her chest. Just being near him drove her wild. If she weren’t careful now, he might take her heart as his prize when he walked away. Because he would. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day. They always did.

But for now, Patti smiled to herself. For now, she had him, and she was going to enjoy him.

“Uh oh, I know that look.” Stephanie joined her at the table and dropped an armload of clothing on to it. Patti reached out and picked up a pair of jeans to help fold.

“What look is that?” she asked curiously.

“The one that says you’re hopelessly, madly in love with my son.” Stephanie flashed her megawatt smile at her.

Patti sucked air between her teeth and shook her head in denial, but the words that spilled out of her mouth surprised her. “What’s not to love? He’s intelligent, successful, confident, strong and…” She blew out a steadying breath as her eyes sought him out among the growing crowd. She found him, arms flexing, butt firm as he helped another man load up a mattress set into the bed of a truck.

“Hot?” Stephanie offered.

“Hot,” Patti echoed.

“Yeah, he gets it from his father,” she sighed whimsically. “When we were younger, I had to practically beat the girls away, until one day I got so sick and tired of keeping guard over him, I let him know it. And do you know what he said to me? He said, ‘Babe, you’re the only girl I see.’” They sighed as one at the sheer level of romance packed into that single statement, which surprised the hell out of Patti. She was not a sigher! “He knew he had me, and that was when I finally realized that I had him, too.”

“That’s a really sweet story,” Patti told her honestly. “Maybe one day I’ll find someone like that.” Okay, so maybe she was still suffering from a bit of denial. It would pass.

Dropping what she was doing, Stephanie placed her hand on Patti’s shoulder and turned her so they were standing face-to-face. “You already have. Jonathon might not know it yet, but he’s completely in love with you.”

Patti’s eyes widened. She didn’t know what to say to that. “How do you know?” Again, her gaze strayed to the house across the street, searching. When she found him, she felt a weird twisting sensation in her stomach.

“Because a mother knows,” Stephanie said beside her, following her line of sight.

Just then, as if feeling her eyes on him, Jon lifted his head and looked her way. His mouth turned up in that wide, sexy smile she loved so much, and suddenly, the rest of the world fell away. It was just the two of them, in their own little world, smiling at each other. And she knew, beyond a doubt, with one hundred and fifty percent certainty, she had fallen head over heels in love with the man.

Shaken by her revelation, she passed him a brief smile and got back to work. The next couple of hours passed with relative ease. Patti handled dozens of transactions, met what seemed like half the neighborhood during that time, all of which seemed to have already heard about her and Jon dating. They gushed over that, though Patti couldn’t understand why. It was as though everyone there was deeply embedded in one another’s lives, interested and invested in their happiness and success in life. She was so baffled by the close-knit community that she felt almost like an imposter. She had never in her life witnessed such caring between strangers. It was nothing at all like living in the city where everyone was out for themselves, too busy putting one foot in front of the other to bother caring about the person beside them.

Possibly even more disturbing: she never expected to feel so at home here. All the smiling faces, the innocent questions of people genuinely interested in her well-being, threw her for a loop, but it felt damn good, too. It gave her a new respect for Jon’s life while growing up as a child, and what it must have been like to know so many people cared. His parents alone were amazing.

Patti found herself studying Walter. He was as tall as Jon was, with the same thick build and gorgeous blue eyes. His smile was wide and brilliant and so expressive, she imagined he could pull attention from women of all ages just as well today as he had forty years ago. If Jon aged half as well as his father, she could see herself tripping over her own feet every time he walked into a room well into their golden years.

Thinking of Jon’s father, his absolute kindness and sincerity, the warmth that seeped from him, the way he put his arm around Jon and patted him on the shoulder, called up memories of her own father.

She remembered all the times her dad had made the same gestures toward her. That type of smile was unmistakable, even from this distance. He did it every time he was proud of her, which was often. He never let an opportunity slip through his fingers to let her know how much he loved her, how proud of her he was. He was never short on advice. Through his eyes, Patti saw how worthy she was of all the good things in life, and with him now gone, she felt a deep pain at the loss. That is, until she met Jon. Now, the pinch of sorrow grew less and less each day.

Her brows furrowed as she realized she had missed her regular visit to the cemetery that morning, and she hadn’t even realized it. It simply hadn’t crossed her mind. Could it be that Jon was an even bigger influence on her life than she had initially thought?

Tears stung her eyes as a note of guilt attempted to wiggle its way into her conscious. She shoved it away, swallowing convulsively. She shifted her focus on the older couple that approached.

“Hello,” she said as cheerfully as she could manage. Their drawn faces caught her attention first. Standing before her, they studied her with grim faces. Her immediate impression was that they didn’t fit here. They weren’t like the other people she had met earlier. Everything about them, from the dark circles under their eyes to their pinched mouths and lack of friendly demeanor, had her immediately on edge.

“Is there something you were looking for in particular that I can try to help you find?” she asked, noticing that their hands were empty.

The woman spoke first. “Are you Patricia?”

“Yes, that’s me,” she replied hesitantly. The smile she wore strained as her gaze shot between them. “Can I help you?”

“And you’re Jonathon Bradshaw’s girlfriend?” the woman asked her.

Patti’s growing nerves made her feel twitchy. “I am. I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t catch your names.”

“I’m Cynthia Collier and this is my husband Max Collier,” the woman said casually. She pinned Patti with worry-filled gray eyes. “We’re Nora’s parents.”

Patti’s brows rose slightly. This woman, Cynthia, stared at her as though the name should mean something to her. It didn’t. She nodded politely and cast a look around, searching for Jon, or Stephanie, anyone who could help her withdraw from this uncomfortable situation.

“I take it he hasn’t told you,” the woman went on. She and her husband exchanged meaningful looks. “I can’t say that I’m surprised. He always was a coward.”

“I’m sorry,” Patti said, sidestepping the table. She didn’t know what the woman was rambling about, but she knew enough to know the comment was directed toward Jon, and it pissed her the hell off.

She glanced around again, finding herself alone. Well, if no one were coming to her rescue, then she’d rescue her damn self. The way they kept staring at her was weirding her out. Actually, their whole weirdo vibe was weirding her out. She needed to get away from them, and that’s exactly what she was going to do. “I hate to be rude, but—”

“He killed my daughter,” the woman blurted out. “I bet he didn’t tell you that, did he?”

Patti stopped in her tracks, unable to believe her ears. “Excuse me?”

Together they closed the small gap, and the woman lowered her voice to a more private tone. “Jonathon, he killed our Nora. He killed her, and then he went off to live his life as if it never happened. Just forget it and it’s gone. Poof!” Her voice began to rise and Patti could see the hysteria flashing in her crazed eyes.

She held her ground, refusing to believe anything she just heard. They must be mistaken. Jon would never hurt anyone. Would he? No. No, she decided, he wouldn’t. But what she said was like a seed being planted in the forefront of her mind. It set in roots of doubt and out of it grew concern.

The woman’s husband placed a restraining hand on his wife’s shoulder as she pressed both hands on the table and leaned in. He lowered his mouth to her ear and whispered something that Patti assumed was meant to calm the woman, but she was beyond reasoning. With wide eyes she cried, “He’s poison. He’ll kill you, too.”

The force of Patti’s blood was pounding in her ears. She didn’t know what to make of these people, didn’t know whether to believe a word they said. All she knew was that something wasn’t right here.

Thankfully, that was the moment Jon decided to show up.

18

After Jon finished helping out the Shelbys, he was sidetracked helping out another man who had purchased a bed and mattress set. Then he and his father ran into an old friend of the family and got to talking. By the time they finished up, he was more than eager to get back across the street and start packing up so he could get Patricia home and ravage her body.

He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her all day. No matter what he was doing, he found his attention straying, seeking her out. He just couldn’t get over how incredibly beautiful she was.

Already his parents adored her, so the approval he realized he’d been seeking when he brought her here today had been granted, and after his talk with his father earlier, Jon was growing more and more confident in the knowledge that Patricia might be just what he needed to help him move on with his life.

Then he’d looked up to find a deep frown on Patricia’s delicate features, and when he looked for the source of her discontent, the bottom dropped out of his world.

That’s when he’d broken into a sprint, racing across the street to intervene in what was going to amount to a clusterfuck of monumental proportions. All he could do was shout in his head for this to be a dream—a dream that he would wake up from at any moment to find his world intact with Patricia by his side. But as he took in Patricia’s puzzled and concerned face he knew, this wasn’t a dream. It was a fucking nightmare.

Inserting himself between her and his ex’s parents, he turned a vicious glare on them. “What the hell are you doing here? I thought we told you that you were no longer welcome on our property.”

“It’s a free country, Jon,” Max drawled. The two men stared each other down. Hatred gleamed in the old man’s eyes, and Jon felt the familiar clawing sense of guilt begin to build in his abdomen.

Over his shoulder, Jon asked Patricia, “What did they say to you?” He already knew what her answer would be, but he needed to hear her say it.

Before she could utter a word, Cynthia snarled, “I told her the truth. That you’re a cold-blooded murderer.”

Jon squeezed his eyes shut. His entire body vibrated with anger and resentment, but most of all, worry. He didn’t have to turn around to see the look on her face. He knew the words Cynthia had spoken changed everything for Patricia. She wouldn’t want him after this. She would throw him away, kick him out of her life forever, and he couldn’t blame her for it.

He always knew this was coming, and a part of him had resigned himself to the inevitable: he would hurt her, and she would leave. There was never any other outcome, although he had begun to hope that there could be. He never should have allowed hope to step in. It just made the fall that much harder.

Why, for the love of God, did Nora’s parents have to show up today, of all days? Why did they feel compelled to sabotage the one sliver of happiness he’d managed to create for himself? He knew the answer implicitly, because a man could never forget something like that, but it hurt all the same. He didn’t deserve happiness.

Just seeing them standing in front of him called up so many unwanted memories, and Jon realized with renewed clarity why he would never be good enough for a woman as good and kind as Patricia Jacobs. He’d been a fool to ever believe he could be.

“Jon, what’s going on here?”

Jon heard his mother’s worry-filled voice call out to him, and a moment later, she was there, standing like the pillar of strength and determination she had proven herself to be. “The Collier’s decided to pay us all a visit,” Jon told her, his voice dipping dangerously low. There was a time when he’d considered them second parents, but now they were nothing but strangers to him.

His mother turned her attention to the couple. “What are you doing here?” she demanded to know, echoing his earlier words. “You need to leave, now, before I call the police and have you escorted off my property.”

“I’m sorry, Stephanie,” Max said calmly. “We just couldn’t allow him to ruin another young woman’s life.”

“How dare you?” his mother said through clenched teeth. “You people just can’t let it rest, can you?”

“What the hell is going on?” his father called out as he stormed up to join them. “What are you two doing here? I thought we told you to stay away from our son.”

Max turned to him, his voice rough with emotion. “We heard that Jonathon had moved on to another woman. We felt it was only right that she be warned, since it was obvious that no one else was going to do it.”

“Don’t you mean you felt it was your duty to try to ruin his life?” his father growled. “Nora’s death was an accident, Max. When are the two of you going to get that through your thick skulls? My son almost died that night, too. Or maybe you don’t recall the months of intensive physical therapy he had to go through just to learn to walk again?” His voice took on a pleading tone. “Don’t you think he’s suffered enough?”

“Suffered?” Cynthia let loose a wobbly laugh. “At least he gets to walk! My daughter is rotting in the ground thanks to him!”

“They were stupid kids, Cynthia!” Stephanie shouted back at her.

Jon tried desperately to tune out the sound of their arguing. The gaping chasm of sadness inside of him had ripped open, and he felt the overwhelming sense of depression pressing down on his shoulders. He dropped his head and rubbed his aching temples. How much longer could he continue on like this, bouncing from one emotion to the other, before he finally broke?

A soft hand touched his arm. “Jon?” Patricia said softly, coming around to stand in front of him. She touched his face next, her warm hand against his skin infusing him with hope and regret all at once. “Are you okay?”

Beside them, both of his parents were now speaking heatedly with Nora’s parents, trying hard to keep their angry voices from carrying to the rest of the neighborhood.

Jon looked down at Patricia, her sweet face angled up at him, her blue eyes filled with nothing but concern for him, and he wept inside at what he knew would have to be done. She was the center of his world, his sun, and yet he knew he had to let her go if he wanted to save her from himself.

Taking the hand she had resting against his cheek in his, he brought it to his lips and pressed a kiss to the center of her palm. “I’m fine,” he grunted, giving her a desolate smile. “Don’t worry about me.”

“You don’t look fine,” Patricia said, calling him on the lie.

She came closer, but he stepped back out of her reach. Unable to look at her any longer, he turned his attention to the warring couples. “Don’t worry about it,” he said directly to Nora’s parents. “You’re right. I didn’t say anything to her, and it was wrong. After today, consider it taken care of.”

Everyone stopped shouting, seemingly speechless, and turned to look at him. “Jon, what are you doing?” his mother asked him.

“What I should have done from the beginning.”

“So you’ll do what’s right?” Max asked him, understanding the meaning of his words.

Jon tipped his head. “I’ll do what’s right.”

Max studied him a moment longer, then, with a nod of acceptance, he took Cynthia’s hand and left.

“I feel like I missed something,” his mother said. “What did you just say to him?”

“Don’t worry about it, Mom,” Jon deadpanned. It felt like all the life had been sucked out of him, and he supposed it had.

“Care to tell us what that was all about?” his father asked, pinning him with determined blue eyes the exact color of his own.

“Not right now,” he said, keeping his answers clipped. “Let’s just finish this sale.”

As he walked away, Jon could feel three sets of eyes boring into his back, but he didn’t dare look back. He spent the rest of the afternoon keeping distance between him and the three of them. He needed time and space to collect his thoughts, and that wasn’t going to work if he had to field questions from any of them. They’d just try to talk him out of doing what needed to be done.

At the end of the day, once they had everything that hadn’t sold safely tucked away in the garage, Jon hugged his mother and father, helped Patricia into the truck, and lifted a hand in goodbye. His father’s words as he’d embraced him echoed in his ears. “I recognize that look in your eyes, son. Don’t do anything stupid.”

His mother’s words quickly followed. “I don’t know what those jerks said to you, but I can see how upset you are. Shrug it off, sweetie. Despite what they might think, you deserve to be happy. You deserve to move on, even if they can’t. Don’t continue punishing yourself because you made a mistake.”

He’d nodded, if only to let her know that her words hadn’t fallen on deaf ears, but he couldn’t agree with them. His mistakes had cost someone their life. There was nothing anyone could say or do to erase that history or to make it better, but at least Jon could sacrifice his happiness to pay for his sins.

As he drove toward the city, Jon glanced at Patricia, who sat quietly beside him, her teeth buried in her bottom lip. He couldn’t help feeling bitter and regretful at the knowledge that after tonight, their relationship would be over.

* * *

She was losing him. Patti could feel it with every cell in her body. Ever since the confrontation earlier, Jon had been a steel wall. He’d barely spoken a word to her, aside from a few blunt answers, and every time she looked at him, which was constantly, he’d be looking the other way. She knew he was avoiding her, which made her uneasy.

She understood that there was some terrible secret he was hiding from her, but Stephanie and Walt both seemed to think it was an accident. Jon, however, appeared to be beating himself up over whatever it was. It killed her to see him that way, suffering in silence, but she was afraid to broach the subject for fear of his reaction.

After her talk with Stephanie that afternoon, she had come to accept something that she knew had been building all month. As crazy as it sounded, she was in love with Jon. He made her feel special in a way no other man ever had. Desirable and sexy, when she’d only ever been cheated on in favor of someone taller and prettier.

She couldn’t risk that.

She stared out the window as Jon pulled the truck into her driveway. When he didn’t shut off the engine, it drove home the notion that something was seriously wrong. Yes, Jon had a bad day, but that had never stopped him from coming inside. In fact, he’d always been the first to the door, eager to get inside and close out the rest of the world.

That he didn’t do that this time set off warning bells inside her head.

“Are you coming in,” she asked softly, twisting her hands in her lap.

“I shouldn’t,” Jon said, his deep, tortured voice tearing her up inside. “I have an early day tomorrow.”

“I have an alarm clock,” she shot back, smiling despite herself.

Jon continued to stare blankly out the windshield. “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Patti snapped. Grimacing, she softened her voice again. “Jon, please. Come inside. We need to talk…and I’m not ready…” She swallowed tightly and Jon’s head swiveled to look at her. She wanted to tell him she wasn’t ready to let him go. She wasn’t ready to end things, not now, possibly not ever. Instead of saying all of that, she simply repeated, “I’m not ready.”

He stared into her eyes, his expression pained beyond her comprehension. Desperate, Patti slid across the bench and took his hand in hers. “Please, Jon,” she whispered. “Come inside.”

He was looking at their joined hands, their fingers woven together, lost deep in thought, when he finally nodded. “Okay.” Turning off the engine, he pulled out the keys and opened the door. Reaching up, he took Patti by the hand and helped her down from the cab, then stood back to let her lead the way.

Deep, unforgiving sadness filled Patti to the point of rupture, but somehow she managed to keep herself from breaking down as she stepped into the living room and felt Jon’s presence at her back. She stepped out of her shoes and busied herself with putting them away. She couldn’t bring herself to face him. Not when she knew what was coming. She felt it all the way to her soul.

“Would you like something to drink? Or eat? I can heat up some soup or something…”