Текст книги "Exposed"

Автор книги: Ivy Stone

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“It’s because of him we had to turn to the Marino family and get caught up in their lifestyle. I was barely nineteen years old. Ali was only twelve. We were out of options. Oliver and I, we—” I pause, stopping myself from giving away everything they need to throw Olly and me in prison. I’ll give them just enough. “We found information on Jeremy and what I provided the police with all those years ago is the reason he’s spent the past ten years rotting in a cell. So I’d say Jeremy wanted payback.”

***

The silence in the room is unnerving with the two officers now gone. Here I lay stuck in a bed, as Mason sits in a chair beside me. His head is buried in his hands, surely processing everything he now knows to be true. But every so often, he gives me this look. He’s peering straight through me. Drinking me in as though I’m a complete stranger. Like he’s seeing me for the first time, and not in a good way. Maybe he’s recognizing Ghost. Is it possible? I should have told him sooner about my involvement with Jeremy. Had I opened up to him about my past maybe this could have been avoided. I thought I trusted him, I honestly did. But my battered heart didn’t agree because I still never told him everything. My heart still didn’t believe he could handle the woman behind the mask.

My fingers itch to reach out and comfort him but I stop myself. It’s probably the last thing he wanted.

“Mason, I—”

“Please, Lindsey, not now. What happened wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you. But I just need a minute. I’ll be back, okay?”

He cuts me off as he rises from his seat to kiss me on the check. His lips feel so soft on my skin but the fleeting relief is short-lived as he heads toward the exit, his heavy footsteps a crushing blow.

Slowly, my life begins unraveling for the second time. Only this time, it unravels to the point every piece of me separates from the rest. I’m lost, on a journey with no map to guide me home. Where is home now? Home became the warmth of Mason’s arms, home is hearing Charlotte’s laughter.

Today I shared one piece of my story, and I’ve gained nothing but a broken heart.

Doctors spoke, nurses cared.

Bruises faded, stitches healed.

Hours passed, turning into days.

But the pain never dulled, because he never came back.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Lindsey

A small part of me filled with hope I’d never wished for before. It convinced me I could be a woman deserving of Mason’s love. Now I curse the ridiculousness of the idea, because all hope became lost when I saw the disgust in his eyes.

“How’d I not see it sooner? I should have. Now when I think about it, it all kind of makes sense. I never knew where you fit in to the chaos. But now I get it.”

I freeze in my spot on the rooftop. I soak up the gravelly sound I’ve missed so much. It’d only been days but it had been days too long. And now he’s figured it out. It was only a matter of time. He’s a cop. I’m surprised it took him this long.

I turn around and my heart skips. He’s standing at the door leading back into my building, with hurt in his eyes. I take in his hair. It’s a little messier than usual, just like the shadow on his face is longer. He’s in one of his button-up black work shirts that’s tight around his shoulders and biceps, and today, no tie.

My insides somersault and I stand on shaky legs. “Please, Mase, let me explain myself. You left the other day before I had a chance to finish telling you everything. Please. There’s so much more I had to say. I’m so sorry.” I walk around the outdoor setting toward him, needing closeness with him to somehow convince him to listen to me. My stomach rebels even the thought of telling him more because it means he’d never forgive me. But he can’t leave now without knowing it all, and that means telling him everything, from the very beginning. While he may never understand, I have to try, for myself and for him. I’ve given him space. I hadn’t gone to him; he’d come to me. That has to mean he wanted answers.

Mason backs away from me, putting his hand up to stop me from getting closer. “You’re sorry? About what happened with Charlotte, or sorry because I finally figured you out?”

I shake my head.  “You don’t understand. Let me tell you the whole story.”

The hurt, the betrayal, it pours out of him as I watch the wheels turn in his head. As if everything is becoming crystal clear, the confusion twisting up his thoughts these past few months leaves.

“Why should I, Lindsey? What con are you playing at now?”

His words cut deep. How could he possibly think I’d do that to him, to Charlotte, to us?

I stand up straighter and look him in the eyes, willing strength to stay with me for this. I breathe in courage and give it to him raw. “The truth, the most painful play there is.”

I hold his stare and watch his body heave. He rubs the back of his neck, glancing away.

I thought Mason could see the real me, not the one everybody else did. I made the mistake of believing his feelings for me were stronger than the weight of my truths. And nothing could prepare my soul for the pulverizing effect Mason’s anguish has on me.

He jerks his head back and he glares at me with cold, hard eyes. “Has anything out of your mouth ever been the truth? ‘Cause right now, I’m having serious doubts about whether or not I’ve ever actually meant a thing to you. What did you want from me?”

My heart sinks.

I lower my eyes and whisper, “Only your heart. It’s all I wanted. I just didn’t realize it until it was too late.”

A tsunami of tears build, ready to crash and destroy me with one tidal wave.

“It doesn’t matter, Lindsey. It’s done now. One woman kept a secret from me for years and you’ve gone and done the same. Difference is, she never broke my heart because she never had it to begin with. You got it and tore it to shreds, nearly taking my daughter along with you. Charlotte could have been hurt, killed, all because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me something you should have told me the minute we were solid, the minute we became a family.”

I hear him sniff and mutter, “Cuts deeper than anything else.”

He throws a case file on the table. No photo, no name.

I pick up the file in my shaky hands and open up a life I long to forget. There it is on paper, photos of a woman, none quite clear, always shadowed, the woman always unrecognizable, disguised by beauty. Police reports are scattered throughout. Crime scene photos, bank account lists marked with colorful highlighted lines. Countless faces of corrupt businessmen, women, pimps, murderers –you name it, they are there, buried in the file.

I stand still, staring at the paperwork while my mind is miles away. I wait for him to speak.

“This woman, she’s practically a myth around New York City police precincts. Mostly because no one’s actually ever got a good look at her in a photo, let alone in reality. She’s quick. She’s always changing appearance, credentials. No one’s ever even come close to knowing who the hell she is. She’s a ghost.”

I cringe.

“She’s got a type though, and no one seems to take too much notice because it seems she’s always doing us a favor. Drug dealers, dirty millionaires. Traffickers, she only ever takes out the bad guys. ”

“Mason,” I cut in, preparing to explain myself.

“Admit it,” he quips, his tone low.

I cough, swallowing through the blockage clogging up my throat. “I can’t do that.”

He comes close, too close. My heart pumps fast and the blood in my veins heats.

His breath touches my skin.

“Why not, Lindsey?” he asks, stepping closer to me. “Make it too real for you?”

I shake my head. “I won’t willingly put the handcuffs on myself. You do what you have to, Mason.” I hold strong, clutching my sides so I don’t reach for him. Right now, we aren’t lovers arguing. We’re cop and criminal waiting for each other’s next move.

He frowns deeply and his lips tighten into a hard line. He stands up tall, his body so close to mine I can feel the heat radiating off him, and when he looks down at me, his gaze flickers to my parted lips before moving back up to my eyes. “I should arrest you.”

“Then do it.”

Metal grazes my skin as I stare at him. Reality punches me in the gut. He’s arresting me.

My hair is swept to the side, lips lightly touch my ear and a second later, Mason whispers in my ear.

“Wasn’t your fault what happened the day in the park. I do want you to know that. But I can’t risk my family on a love I don’t know actually exists.”

A lone tear sears my cheek with a new kind of pain, the pain of losing the love of my life, the other half of me that until this moment, I didn’t know I needed so badly.

“Goodbye, sweetheart,” he whispers before pulling back, the dullness in his eyes collapsing my world in the blink of an eye, shattering my tattered heart along with it.

He grimaces, blows out a breath, and I barely hear the words “Fuck it,” before familiar hands are grabbing my cheeks and bruising lips are kissing me hard and fast. He’s punishing me and loving me all at the same time. He’s saying goodbye through a kiss so powerful how could it possibly mean the end?

He pulls away, my hands reach out, and without so much as a glance back, he leaves the rooftop.

A sob rips from my chest, numbness takes over, and my mind goes blank. Nothing can pull me out of this feeling right now. On auto pilot, I fall into the chair. Pulling my legs up onto the edge of the seat, I rest my chin on my knees and cry myself into a gut-wrenching oblivion of self-loathing. It’s my fault, all of it. I’d thrown us to the wolves in my head, sacrificing any chance we might have had at a future, dooming us from the beginning all because my mind refused to believe what my heart already knew. I loved him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Mason

Two months later.

I still close my eyes, thinking about her. I wake up, thinking about her. I fucking breathe Lindsey. She’s stealing my air supply. I can’t survive. Not like this.

“All right, I’m out, guys. See you Sunday afternoon. Cass, you coming with?”

I barely hear Elias’ voice mentioning the ritual Sunday night dinner through the fog, blocking everything out of my mind but the work in front of me. I’ve buried myself knee deep in cases, working my ass off as some sort of distraction, along with keeping Charlotte on lock down when she’s not at school. It’s irrational and I’m being unreasonable. Charlotte’s sad and confused and it’s causing a rift between us because I don’t know how to deal. I’d come to a crossroads where I had to choose between right and wrong before the path became blurred and there was no turning back.

“Yeah, coming. Bye, guys.” Cassidy waves.

A manly slap on the back pulls me from the report I’ve been staring at for the last half hour at Roamyn’s desk. Something isn’t adding up and my cop intuition is telling me there’s more to the bullshit story with the case file Roamyn threw at me. I put it to the back of my mind and make a note to ask him about it later.

“Mase, it’s late. Go home to Charlotte. Have a fucking drink and relax, man. It’s Friday and we’re only on call for the weekend, so with any luck, nothing fucked-up will happen and we’ll actually get a few days off for a change.”

I scrub my hands over my face before putting the file back down. I stand from his desk so I can finish off the reports in my office. “I’ve got some shit to sign off on and I’m done, all right.”

“It can wait, man. You’re first in and last out every damn day lately. Take a breather,” he yells out after me.

I stop, sucking in a deep breath. I turn around to face him and give him more than I’ve given anyone else lately because he’s right. I’m in first and out last and if I don’t get my head together, it’s going to take its toll on all of us, including Charlotte, and I can’t have that. I’ve been avoiding reality in the only place I actually have some goddamn control. Outside of this office, I’m not the one calling the shots. I have no control. It spirals me into the fucked-up state of mind that warps me in my sleep and I can’t fucking handle it. It’s one thing to be trapped in your own nightmares, it’s a whole fucking other story when that feeling becomes real.

“I can’t, Roam, or I’ll have to think about shit other than work, and Charlotte, and I’m trying to avoid that if you hadn’t noticed,” I snap back without meaning to, but no anger bounces back at me. He gets it, like he always does. We all have our shit to deal with and nobody gets that more than Roamyn. He’s been my best friend since we met in the first few days at the police academy and I’m lucky to have him at my back because I’ve never met another cop like him. He’s fueled by a fuck of a lot more than the drive to protect and serve.

“Oh, I’ve noticed. So has everybody else. Just putting it out there for you, man, you haven’t got to keep that shit locked up, ‘cause you’re not fooling anyone. We all know you’re fucked up over Lindsey,” he says sympathetically, his eyes full of concern. “I get what happened in the park was huge for you. I can’t imagine how you felt in those moments, so just know I’m not saying this to rile you up. But what happened, it was an accident and that shit is not on Lindsey. It wasn’t her fault some psychotic asshole came after her and I’m sure you know that. Sure, it put Charlotte in harm’s way and that’s not okay because it could have ended really fucking badly. But shit like that doesn’t happen every day and you know that too. Plus Stiles is behind bars again and probably won’t ever get out of prison anyway. So what I’m getting at is, why let one accident ruin everything with the woman who’s got you like nobody else ever will?”

“Yeah, I get it, I do. It’s fucked up, but there’s more to it than that.” I glance around the room avoiding his eyes because I don’t want to lie to him, but I sure as fuck can’t tell him the truth. So instead, I go with a distraction because I really do need to get home to Charlotte and relieve Cora from babysitting duty. “You know, for a guy who’s never had a relationship with a woman lasting a second longer than the moment he pulls his dick out of her, you sure are pulling out the big guns on the love front.”

He laughs and sweeps up his keys and shit off the desk.

“Look, all I’m saying is, whatever happened between you two, if it’s eating at you as much as it has been, than I’d say it’s been the same for her. Any fool could see you two were fucking made for each other. So get over it, man. Suck it up and get your girl back before it’s too late.”

I flick the office light switches off and we head out in the main room of the busy precinct. Any time of any day and this room is filled with utter chaos because this city really doesn’t fucking sleep.

“Not that simple.”

“Okay, gonna put it to you this way and then I’ll drop it. Lindsey, she’s a catch. I know she’s a good woman, too. I’ve seen her with your girl. You had it all. I also know she’s not the kind of woman to wait around forever for you to get over your shit. She’s strong as steel, so don’t fuck it up and realize your mistake when it’s too damn late. Trust me…” he trails off, staring out into the night as we hit the outside of the building. “You’ll regret it.”

The pain in his voice is as clear as day and I know his mind has wandered to Alison. She refused to see him after shit went down with them so he’s stayed away and now it’s been months since they’ve spoken.

“Yeah, you got a point there,” I mutter, hailing a taxi. “All right, man, I’ll catch you Sunday.”

“Yeah, later.” Roamyn waves me off and the taxi pulls into the traffic, leaving me time to think. Roamyn’s right, because I know I’ll never love anyone like I love Lindsey. But what if love isn’t enough? We have to have trust. Right now, we have none.

***

Dread suffocates me. I can’t breathe. My feet pound up the stairs and with every step, my thighs burn with fire. The cries echo in my ears, so I run faster. Just a few more steps. Sweat drips down my temples and I tighten my slippery hands around my gun. The crying gets louder, my heart thumps faster. I’m nearly there.

But I don’t make it in time. I never do. I run down the dark hallway shooting the door handle on the door at the end of the hall. I reach it, pushing it open.

No! Don’t shoot her.

Bang.

Too late.

Oxygen refills my lungs. I sit up gasping for the air my body so badly needs. My hair and chest are saturated in sweat so I push down the sheets with my feet, and roll to the side of the bed. I sit on the edge, hanging my head. I lean it in my hands, with my elbows on my thighs. I squeeze my eyes shut wanting to block out the last few hours. Different night, same damn nightmare.

It’s quiet, dark, and Charlotte’s sleeping soundly, like I should be. Yet I’m not. Instead, I’m wide wake at one in the morning because of another night terror.

Walking into the bathroom, I strip off and turn on the shower. Droplets of hot water pelt down on me and I close my eyes to wash away another night of tormented dreams. My mind wanders to Lindsey. Nights with her in my arms allowed for a brief reprieve. The fucked-up nightmares were never as bad. I still had them but they weren’t every night. I knew Lindsey wasn’t a cure for them and it’s probably all psychological but she unknowingly helped me through every night she was with me, nightmare or not. Turning off the taps, I step out and dry off. I throw on a clean pair of boxers and slide back into bed with Lindsey still in my head. I sigh, putting both hands behind my head to lean on them because now Roamyn’s comments about her earlier are repeating in my mind.

I love her, haven’t stopped loving her. The incident with her stepfather was not her fault. But what was on her, was the position she put me in, and the endless retaliation which could come our way from the path she’d chosen to walk. I now understood why she said she could never tell me everything. Deep down, I think I know she didn’t tell me for this very reason. She believed by not telling me, she was doing me a favor because what I didn’t know couldn’t be used against me. But it didn’t change the fact she’d broken the law and now I had too. I should have arrested her the day I confronted her at her place, but I wasn’t going to. How could I put the woman I love behind bars? I couldn’t, I wouldn’t. If I had locked her up, her heart would be lost. She’d rebuild walls of stone around her and I’d never feel her love again.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Lindsey

Sometimes, secrets really are better left buried.

“Ouch!” My hip scrapes the counter as I carry the second suitcase of Ali’s stuff down the hall to my spare room, her new room.

“My God, did the clinic have to rent out a second room just for your stuff? Where did all this shit come from? You didn’t have it before,” I yell out to her.

Ali pokes her head around the corner, her eyes bright with a happiness I haven’t seen for quite some time. Today she was released from the rehab, free of addiction, and I couldn’t be prouder. A smile comes easily as I bask in a moment I was beginning to believe would never happen.

“If you’ve never seen it before, it’s probably Cassidy’s or Adriana’s. Cass lent me stuff while I was in rehab and Adriana’s, well she hasn’t ever come to get any of it back.”

I warm at the mention of Cassidy. They’ve become close since the night Ali was drugged and she’d started visiting her at the clinic. For some reason, they just clicked. Whenever I’d been around them, their friendship came easy and smooth. It’s healthy and normal, exactly what Ali needs in her life. I hurt for Ali knowing she missed Adriana, and I wondered if she’d made contact with Ali after we heard on the news she was missing.

I unfold some of Ali’s clothes and begin hanging them up in her closet. “So have you heard from Adriana yet or still nothing?” I pry.

She sifts through her cosmetics, arranging them on her dresser. Her eyebrows furrow and I can guess the answer to my question. “That would be a no. I’ve tried calling, emailing, messaging her on Facebook. She’s completely MIA. It’s like she’s fallen off the face of the planet.”

It was my turn to frown. I assume she’s with Enzo but I can’t tell Ali that.

“That’s kind of weird, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. At first, I didn’t expect to hear from her anyway because I knew she was mad at me, but after a while, I started to worry but honestly, Linds, she can’t be missing like the news says she is. This has Marino written all over it. It’s them we’re talking about. I’ve lost count of the amount of times they’ve shipped her off for a week here and a weekend away there because things were, ‘too dangerous.’ It wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve done the same thing now.”

I contemplate her response and while she could be right, something feels off about this whole situation.

“Yeah, maybe. I’m kind of glad she’s not around anyway. I always liked Adriana but now, God, if they get close to us or get hold of you—” Ali cuts me off, and our roles are reversed; she’s the one reassuring me.

“They won’t. It’s been months. You heard the police. If they were going to try something, I’m sure they would have already. I’m not saying I don’t worry about it all the time because I do, but there has to come a point where we stop letting it rule our lives, right? Now, no more talk about things we can’t fix. We need to talk about you, because even though I know you’re happy to see me and have me home, you still look really sad.”

I pull my shoulders up tensing as I act dumb and pretend I have no idea what she’s getting at. My heart sinks as Charlotte and Mason’s smiles enter my mind.

“What? I’m fine.”

She rolls her eyes at me, and folds her arms across herself, popping her hip out at the same time. “You’re miserable, Lindsey. Maybe not so much on the outside but you are on the inside. I can tell. Call it sister intuition. All you do is sit and read freakin’ books all night and watch sappy movies.”

I put my hand up in front of her pointing my forefinger to the roof. She may be half right. “Hey, hold up. One, those stories are for work. And two, you haven’t been here for months. How do you even know what I do at night?” I question, screwing my face up.

“Take a guess?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

It takes all but a second for me to realize, and at the same time, we both say, “Oliver.”

I narrow my eyes at nothing in particular because unfortunately, Olly isn’t here to cop the brunt of my glare.

Ali groans. “Come on, sis, it’s Saturday night. We need to forget about the men in our lives and have some girly fun. What do you say?” Ali shuffles around the stuff covering her bed as she looks for something. “I’ll call Cassidy.”

“Ali, your idea of fun and mine are drastically different.”

“Oh, come on. Things are different now. I’ll call Cass. She can come join us and we’ll watch Magic Mike. We’re stocked up on chocolate and tea so we’re good to go.” Ali beams, her eyebrows raised high, hands now clasping her phone at her chest in a praying position as she gives me big, round puppy eyes. I run my fingers through my hair and weigh up my options. I do need fun. I haven’t had real fun in months. My heart’s heavy with loss and regret, so I’ve shrunk back to my old ways, seeking comfort in pretending.

Each day I plaster on a smile that never quite reaches my eyes.

Each day I brush my hair, apply my makeup impeccably and dress appropriately.

Each day I pretend I’m moving forward. I’ve nearly even convinced myself. That’s how disgracefully amazing I am at pretending.

My own mind has coated my heart with lies and locked it shut by believing them in order to protect myself. Because no feeling hurts more painfully than a broken heart.

“All right.” I sigh. “I guess we’re past due for some sisterly bonding time anyway.”

“Yay, okay, I’ll go call Cass.” Ali’s lips turn up into a big smile as she walks out of the room with her eyes glued to her phone.

I let out a huff and fall back onto Ali’s bed, pulling Dad’s tags out from under my t-shirt. Holding them between my fingers, I stare at them as pain squeezes my heart. My father is yet another reminder of my failed relationships with men, and it all started with him. My lips flatten into a hard line and I shake my head before lowering it, my shoulders curling in. How could I be so blind and faithless in a man who gave me hope? I had no clue what the hell I was doing with Mason and now I’ve lost the best damn thing to happen to me in years, probably ever.

I blink away the tears from my eyes and push away thoughts of everything Mason related. Maybe a girls’ night will help ease the hollow ache I can’t seem to fill with any amount of distraction.

Day in, day out, a piece of me remains missing and nothing I do brings me comfort. Mason left my building with both my heart and his. I loved him. I loved him and I didn’t realize it until that moment. The second I lost sight of him, my heart broke and anger snuck through the cracks. I became mad at myself for letting him walk away. Why didn’t I try harder to explain? No words, no explanation would have been good enough, because this is bigger than us. Our choices affect a little girl, one who was nearly shot because I was too afraid to share a piece of my past with the man I was supposed to trust and love. She has to come first, I know this, so I can’t blame him for putting his guard up against a woman who could rain hell down on them. I never thought the ghosts of my past would come back to haunt me the way they had. In my work, I’d been careful, always covering my tracks. I was sometimes blonde, sometimes a redhead, never the same. There was no need for a surname. People knew who I was. My reputation spoke for me. But I walked around naively in a world where justice doesn’t always prevail. I had no logical reason, no decent excuse. I should have known better. It was as simple as that, but I’d been blinded. Now I have to move on with my life without the distraction that led me to love.

Mason

I move past the horrified bystanders and lift the yellow caution tape so I can get down the alley to my squad. It’s just like every other dodgy back alley in NYC. Dirty, dark, littered with rubbish, and God knows what else. Except tonight voices are whispering, lights are shining bright, and the small place is over populated by law enforcement. Crime Scene Unit are marking the scene and taking photos. Elias is talking to a witness, probably the poor young dude who apparently walked out the back of the restaurant to take out the trash and got an eye full of a dead prostitute who’d lost half her head.

Cassidy and Roamyn are standing over the young woman who is the reason we’ve been called in on our weekend off.

“Sorry I’m late, Cora wasn’t picking up so I had to wait a while to get her.”

Roam glances down the alley. “All good. We’re done here anyway.”

“You guys head back. I’ll get Elias and we’ll be right behind you,” Cassidy says on her way over to him.

I wait for the coffee machine to fill my cup, and lean back against the counter. Roamyn shuffles papers on his desk to make it look like he’s doing work. Elias’s pissed off voice is loud enough for all of us to hear the one sided conversation he’s having on the phone. I glance over toward Cassidy. Her long blonde hair falls over her face as she types quickly on the laptop in front of her. That is until her phone blasts on the desk beside her. The coffee machine beeps and I turn around to retrieve my cup.

“Hey, what’s up? Sure, sound’s great. Lindsey up for it?”

My ears perk at Cassidy mentioning Lindsey.

“All right, well I should be finished in five anyway so I’ll be there soon. I’ll bring the greasy takeout food.” She chuckles. “Okay, bye.”

My feet have moved on their own accord and as Cassidy glimpses up at me from behind the dark-rimmed glasses framing her face, she glances beside me and then back to me again. Roam coughs from beside me awkwardly and it occurs to me that we must look like fucking creeps.

“You two do realize you’re hovering, right?” Cassidy asks, closing the screen of her laptop.

I stand taller but relax my shoulders. “You’re seeing Lindsey? My Lindsey?”

“Umm, yes. Except she’s not really your Lindsey anymore, boss.” Cassidy cringes at her words and my face splits into a grimace because it’s true. She isn’t mine, not anymore. I lower my eyes to hide the hurt. Did I ever really have her? I’ve asked myself a thousand times, and the answer was always the same, always blackening another piece of my soul at the realization I did have her. I didn’t have all of her, but I was getting in behind the guards, fighting my way to her heart. I could see it in her eyes when she beamed at me with hope and confusion all at the same time. I could hear it in her voice when she’d laugh hysterically over something that probably wasn’t very funny. I felt it every time she kissed me with more passion than the one before.

“Cassidy,” Roamyn prods.

“Okay, okay. She’s your Lindsey, Mase.” She puts her hands up in surrender as she pushes back her chair and heads in the direction of the locker room.

Roam and I glance at each other, the skin around his eyes bunch in a pained stare. The emotional stress we’ve been hiding is brought to the surface with just a mention of the women driving us to distraction. I follow Cassidy to the locker room with Roamyn in tow. I just want to know how she is.

Pain cuts in the back of my throat. “How is she?”

Cassidy sighs, shutting her locker door, looking our way. “Why don’t you just ask her yourself, Mason? She misses you too, you know. She tries to keep it together, but she just looks so lost in her head all the time. I’ve been checking in on her occasionally for Ali’s sake as well. She just goes to work and goes home again. That’s pretty much it.” She shrugs and the sadness in her tone does nothing to alleviate the beating my heart suffers every damn day I’m away from Lindsey. I walked away from her. I refused to hear her out and every day since, I’ve regretted not waiting to listen to her. What would she have said? Would I feel any differently? My body temperature rises and heat flushes my skin. My muscles stiffen with soreness at reliving the pain over again. I’m torturing myself with what-ifs.