Текст книги "Never Say Never"

Автор книги: Emily Goodwin

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Chapter 10

A tear rolls down her cheek and she bites her lip, trying not to cry. Then her face breaks and her shoulders slump forward. I stand there, shaking, terrified of the raw emotion. My heart breaks for her and I rush forward, wrapping her in my arms as she sobs. It’s beautiful and it’s tragic, and in that moment, I’ve never felt anything more real.

The pain. The sorrow. Her loss. The darkness I try to hard to keep out, that I fight tooth and nail but can never fully avoid. I hold her and feel it all. It swarms around me, filling me, hurting me, opening my eyes. I realize everything I’ve done to desperately hold it together slowly chipped away at me until there was nothing left, nothing but a shell of a man with an empty heart that I never though was capable of feeling anything but hurt. A heart I thought was never worthy of a second chance, was never capable of redemption.

It’s then that I realize I never, ever want to let her go.

And it’s crazy, because I don’t know her—really know her—but there is something so intimate about holding someone as they cry. It exposes so much, and you can’t hold back as the tears fall and the sadness comes out in waves. I feel my own eyes mist over. I close them and cradle Haley close to me.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” I tell her. “I promise you that.”

“Look at me,” she repeats. “Have you ever had a date end this way?”

“Our date didn’t even start,” I say. “And hey, you didn’t go crazy and shave your head, so I say you’re doing all right.”

She laughs, and her arms slowly wrap around me. Something inside me relaxes. I sit and pull her onto my lap and we stay there in silence for a few minutes. Gently, I push her hair out of her face. “Want that drink now?” She laughs again and nods.

“I need that drink now.” She stands up and wipes her eyes, smearing her makeup across her cheeks. “And really, I won’t hold it against you or call the tabloids on you if you drop me off at home and call it a night.”

Tabloids? The word is jarring. For a few minutes I was the real Aiden again…and I didn’t mind. “It’s up to you, Haley. I’m not mad or upset, so don’t worry. I don’t like seeing you sad, and if you’d like, I want to try and cheer you up.”

“I’d like that.”

I stand and drape my arm around her. “Are you hungry? I can go get the food.”

“I am. And thanks, Aiden. I…I don’t know.”

“What?” I probe.

“I’m surprised by your kindness.”

“Ouch,” I say with a chuckle. “Thanks?”

She smiles and takes a step toward the restaurant. “Hey, you can’t really blame me, can you?”

I can’t, because I’ve fooled the world—and at times, myself—about who I really am. The partying, the women, the excessive spending, and run-ins with the American law…okay, so maybe I had a reputation. “No, I can’t. But I’m glad I surprised you.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind staying?” she asks for the third time, making me question if she wants me here. She’s the one who invited me inside once we got back to her house, and she’s the one who’s leading me up the stairs and into her bedroom.

“I don’t. If it makes you feel any better, I have nothing else to do.” She shoots me a look then gives me a half smile. We ate our food in the parking lot of that restaurant, looking at the stars that stretched across the dark night sky. Neither of us spoke much, but having her next to me was enough. “And I’ve never seen a baby horse,” I add.

“Your clothes will get dirty,” she adds.

“I can buy new ones.”

“Fair enough.”

The stairs creak as we go up to the second story. There are three doors off the landing. She goes to the one directly across from us and pauses. “This was my room from when I was a kid,” she starts. “I didn’t think I’d still be here after college.”

I feel a smile pulling up the corners of my lips. “Are you trying to warn me that you have Minnie Mouse wallpaper or something?”

“Worse,” she says, opening the door. The room is dark, and I can only make out the black shapes of a bed and dresser. She goes in and flicks on the light.

“Oh,” I say with a laugh. “It is worse.”

“Shut up,” she tells me with a hint of a smile. I step in behind her and look at the pink walls covered with posters and photographs of horses. Ribbons she’d won at shows line the perimeter of the walls. The purple and white bedspread is messily laid out over the bed. She goes into the walk-in wardrobe and emerges a minute later in jeans and a long-sleeve black shirt. She grabs a quilt from the foot of her bed and takes me back downstairs.

Her friend Lori left soon after we came back here. The little horse was sleeping and would need to be fed again soon. That was when Haley turned to me and asked if I wanted to stay for a while and keep her company. I didn’t think twice. I agreed right away, not ready to be away from her just yet. We exit through the back of the house and walk down a gravel drive to the barn.

She slides a large door open just enough for us to squeeze through. The smell of hay, wood shavings, and something sweet hits me. Haley inhales and smiles, her eyes going to the same white horse from before, who is munching on hay and is in the stall closest to us. He sticks his head out of the open door and nickers softly.

“Hey, sweetie,” she says as she goes to him. She relaxes, and her eyes sparkle with her smile. There’s nothing fake about it. The horse lowers his head, and she turns, bracing herself against the stall door as the horse rubs his head against her.

“Is that how horses say hello?” I ask.

Haley flicks her eyes to me, looking almost as if she’d forgotten I was there. “Just this guy,” she tells me and takes a step away. “This is Shakespeare. He was my show horse back in the day, but he’s retired now.”

The next stall houses the baby horse. She’s tiny and frail and possibly the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen. She’s curled up in the back of her stall in a ball of golden fur, and she opens her eyes when we walk past. “I haven’t named her yet,” Haley tells me. “I used to…” Her voice breaks, and she mutters something to herself. I put my hand on her arm and she relaxes. “She’s the first one I’ve taken in since…since that day.”

She doesn’t have to say it for me to know her heart is too broken to feel the passion she once felt, and she doesn’t have to tell me that makes her guilty. I know it just by looking at her, and I understand the pain.

“Anyway,” she says, moving on. “This is Sundance. He’s almost ready to find a home, after a few more hours spent under saddle.”

She moves to the next stall. “This is Benny.”

I walk along next to her and look in at a large brown horse. He lifts his head and flares his nostrils at me.

“He’s kind of an asshole and likes to eat hair. Watch out for him. He’s a permanent resident because of that.”

I take a step to go to the last stall, but Haley stops me. Her fingers wrap around my wrist. Her face pales.

“You know how you asked me what was the worst I’ve seen?” she asks, and I nod. “This is it.”

I twist my hand and slip my fingers through hers. We move down the aisle, hand in hand. My heart thumps in my chest when I look into the stall, and I feel a little sick. A dark horse stands in the back, her head down. Bones protrude all along her body and I wonder how the hell she’s even alive. She turns her head to look at us, and I almost recoil. One side of her face has been badly burned. She’s missing fur and skin along her jaw, down her neck, and along her side and back.

She holds Haley’s gaze for half a beat and then turns her head down again. If I thought the baby horse was pathetic, I was sadly mistaken. The horse in front of us looks so utterly hopeless.

“Phoenix,” Haley whispers, voice tight. She puts her hand on her shoulder, right over the spot where I’d seen the burn scars. “We saved her that night. She looked worse, if you can believe that. She’s put on some weight, and her burns are healing, but not as fast as they should. I can hardly get her to eat. It’s definitely safe to say many others would give up on her.”

She looks at the horses, running her eyes down the barn. “They don’t give up on us. They trust us, love us for some reason when we’re capable of doing horrendous things to them. But horses still love their humans. They never give up on us, so I never give up on them.”

I slide my foot along the rubber mats that cover the cement floor and put my arm around Haley’s shoulders, bringing her in and cradling her against my chest. Her arms go around my waist and my heart flutters. It’s stupid. Why would I feel nervous right now? All we are doing is standing here.

“Aiden,” she starts and pulls away. “It’s not that late. You should go, find someone who’s more fun than me.”

“There you go again, not wanting to be around me,” I say with a smile.

She bites her lip. “I’ll take a rain check, if you’ll still have me.”

I look down, forehead resting against hers. “I’d like to.” I can see the tears in her eyes and I hate that she’s sad, hate that she’s in pain. It’s something I know all too well, and it’s something that took me a lifetime to learn how to control. “I want to make you smile, Haley. You’re beautiful when you do.”

“You’re too kind.”

“I’m really not.” I shuffle closer and become aware of her breasts pressing into me and her hips brushing against mine. “Teach me how to bottle-feed a horse?”

She slides out of my embrace and smiles. “Yeah. I can do that.”

Chapter 11

I wake up as the sun rises. I’m still in the barn, having fallen asleep on a blanket I laid out in the foal’s stall. Aiden had been next to me, but I know right away he’s not now. I’m cold, missing the warmth of his body. I startle awake, realizing that hours must have passed since the last time I fed the baby.

I turn, fear gripping my heart. Then I stop, and what I see next leaves me speechless. Aiden sits on the other side of the stall with the foal sleeping in his lap. She’s lazily sucking on a bottle he’s holding, and his jacket is draped over her little body.

“Shhh,” he says when he sees me. “She just fell asleep.” I stare at him for a few seconds, then a smile pulls up my lips and tears prick my eyes. “I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispers. “I figured you’d need as much sleep as you can get if you’re going to be doing this all day.”

I can’t stop smiling at him. “Yeah, I will be. All day, all night, and then again tomorrow.”

“How do you do it?” he asks as he looks down at the foal.

“I just do,” I answer simply. I used to enjoy it, and it used to feel rewarding. Now it feels tedious, like everything in life. All I want to do is curl up in my bed and never get up. But it’s these guys who force me out of bed each and every morning. It’s these guys who give me a reason to keep going when everything else has been burned away.

“You’re pretty amazing, you know,” he says.

“No, I’m not.” I push up, my back sore from leaning against the side of the stall most of the night. “I’m just doing my little part to help those who can’t help themselves.” I brush hay and bedding from my hair. “You are too, for putting up with me and staying.”

I feel embarrassed about my breakdown last night, though at the same time, I’m glad I told Aiden. I had to tell someone, and even though it didn’t make sense, there was something about Aiden that pulled me in. It was more than his pouty lips and emotional eyes that won me over in Shadowland—not to mention his perfect abs. No, there was more to Aiden Shepherd than meets the eye.

“Hungry?” I ask him. My own stomach grumbles.

“I’m starving,” he says.

“I can make you something,” I offer then remember I don’t have much more than Ramen noodles and Mac ’n Cheese. “Or at least a cup of coffee.”

“Yes to both,” he says. His accent is thicker when he’s tired, and it’s adorable. “How do I sneak away?” he asks, running his hands over the foal’s muzzle. He sets the bottle down. “I feel bad getting up.”

“Hang on,” I say and go over, helping Aiden to his feet without disturbing the foal. “She’s going to wake up anyway,” I whisper. “I have to feed the other guys, and they get a little excited. Especially Benny.”

Aiden stands, brushing himself off. Waking up with a clear head opens my eyes to just how amazing he looks in the dark jeans and gray t-shirt. His dark, wavy hair is messy, and he’s got just enough scuff on his chiseled jaw to drive any girl wild. The lingering scent of cologne clings to him, despite spending the night in the barn.

Wait. Holy fucking shit.

I spent the night with Aiden. Not at all in the sense that’s implied, but he stayed with me. All night. In a barn. Bottle-feeding an orphaned foal, keeping it warm with his own jacket. If I weren’t so dead tired, my ovaries would be exploding right now. I hurry out of the stall before he can see me flush, and I pull down a bale of hay. I slice the strings, break the bale into flakes, and toss them into each horse’s stall. I fill up water buckets next, and finally dish out grain for everyone.

“You do this every morning?” Aiden asks, sitting on the tractor we use to pull the manure spreader.

“I’m not even done yet,” I tell him as I mix another bottle of formula, using warm water from inside the tack room. “I clean stalls and let everyone out after they’re done eating, and then do all of Phoenix’s treatments. She has a lot.”

“I can’t even get up and get dressed in clothes someone picked out for me in time for someone else to drive me to work.” He runs his hand through his hair. “You’re putting me to shame.”

I chuckle. “Then I go to work. All this,” I say, sweeping my hands in front of me. “The barn work isn’t even my job.”

“You’re Superwoman.”

I shake my head. “That was my mom. She did all this and more, plus did several barn calls a day as a farrier.”

Aiden raises an eyebrow. “Farrier?”

I smile. “Right. I forget you non-horse people don’t know. A farrier does hooves. You know, trim, file, put on shoes.”

“Like a blacksmith?”

“Close enough.” I go back into the foal’s stall to give her another bottle. She’s standing, ears forward and eyes wide. My heart swells a little. She’s going to be just fine. Aiden ducks in next to me and comes over, holding out his phone.

“What are you doing?” I ask, suspiciously eyeing the camera screen.

He stands on the other side of the foal and puts his arm around me “Taking a picture. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Don’t you dare,” I say. “I look like crap.”

He holds out his arm and looks at me. “I honestly don’t think so. You’re kind of beautiful, you know.”

“Just kind of?” I retort with a smile. He snaps the picture.

“You’re more than kind of. I just said that to make you look at me.” He flashes a panty-melting smile and brings the phone to him. “People will love this.”

“Don’t you dare post that!” I threaten and reach for him. The foal is hungrily sucking down the bottle, and I’m stuck. He dashes out of the way, laughing. “Aiden!” I say, eyes going wide. “Let me see it first!”

“You look good, I promise.”

“Please! At least let me smile or something. And brush my hair. Really, I’d like to brush my hair.” I reach up and pull hay from it.

Aiden laughs. “You always have hay in your hair, don’t you?”

I can’t contain my smile. “I do. And horse treats in my pocket. But please, let me approve or deny.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry, no one will know who you are. They’re interested in me.” His words are meant to comfort me, but they just make him seem like a dick. Which he is. Maybe…maybe not. He did spend the night in a horse stall with me. And he has a point. Anyone who followed him on Instagram cared about seeing pictures of him. And I wouldn’t let myself care what kind of nasty comments mega-fans would say. I could be Miss America and they’d still call me fat and ugly.

“Fine, whatever.” I’m still smiling and shaking my head when I look back at the foal. She pops off the bottle and walks around the stall. She nibbles on hay and sticks her nose up at the bars, sniffing at Shakespeare. I exit the stall. “We can go eat first. I’ll let them out in a bit.”

“I’ll help,” he says, and my heart does a weird flutter thing. I haven’t felt something like this—something that makes me feel alive—since before the fire. He pockets his phone and links his arm through mine. Being this close to him causes my body to react, and I’m suddenly feeling very attracted to him.

I need to fight it. I don’t want to end up being a fling, just something to do—literally—while he’s bored on location. There really isn’t much to do around here when you’re used to partying with the rich and famous.

A truck slows at the end of the driveway, sticking a newspaper into the holder on the mailbox. I need to cancel the paper subscription. I get free papers from work. We walk down to get it, and I remember I haven’t gotten the mail from yesterday either. I open the mailbox and internally groan when I see the bills from the hospital. What was the point of having insurance?

I should never have taken the foal. I knew I’d spend at least six hundred on formula in the next few weeks. Six hundred dollars. Nerves race down my spine, and sweat breaks out across my forehead. Where was that money going to come from? I got paid yesterday, and it was barely enough.

“Are you all right?” Aiden asks, taking his arm out of mine and placing it on my waist instead. Warmth rushes through me when his fingers gently press into the soft flesh on my side.

“Yeah. I will be.” I turn to him. “Really.”

“Good,” he says. “But you know you don’t have to lie.”

I look at the barn. “I know. I will be in time.”

Neither of us speaks as we go to the back door, entering through the garage. Chrissy is still sleeping, stretched out on the couch, guarding the house like a champ. She barks at the doorbell, but only because Mom trained her to do that. Aiden goes into the bathroom and I fill the coffee pot with water. My phone rings and I dig it out of my hoodie pocket, wondering who the hell is calling me so early. It’s Lori. I raise an eyebrow and answer.

“Hello?”

“Dammit,” she sighs. “I was hoping you wouldn’t answer.”

“Then why did you call?”

“To see if you were in bed with Aiden.”

“Oh, sorry to disappoint.”

“Tell me everything,” she gushes.

“I can’t right now.” I plug the coffee pot in and turn it on.

“Why the hell not? I know it’s early, but you get up at the butt crack of dawn to feed the horses, so don’t even try, missy.”

“Why are you up?” I question. I pull a carton of eggs from the fridge. They expired eight days ago. Meh, it’s probably fine. Probably.

“I couldn’t sleep not knowing the details.”

The toilet flushes. Aiden will be out in just seconds.

“Hay, tell me, I’m dying to know!”

I smile. “I can’t tell you, Lori, because Aiden’s still here. I’ll call you when he leaves.” I hear her squeeing with excitement and Kit grumbling for her to shut the hell up before I end the call.

“What’s on the menu?” Aiden asks as he comes into the kitchen. He’s pushed his hair back. He looks like he just walked off a photoshoot…and he slept in a horse stall. I don’t want to look in a mirror until I’ve showered and brushed my hair.

“Uh,” I start. “French toast or pancakes. I’ve been putting off grocery shopping for a while now.” I wrinkle my nose. “I’m lazy.”

Aiden’s arms wrap around my waist as he steps close. “I don’t think you’re lazy. Crazy busy, yeah. But not lazy.”

“Thanks. I need to hear that.” I sigh and let the fridge close. I haven’t been grocery shopping because I have zero money for it. And if it came down to a meal for me or a meal for the horses, I’d go hungry for a while.

“French toast sounds good,” he says, dropping his lips to my neck. Tingles make their way through me and I twist in his arms. My breath catches in my chest, and I want to kiss him.

“What are you doing?” I blurt.

“I’m standing here with you,” he says slowly, giving me a look.

“No, that’s not what I mean. What are you doing with me?”

He hikes an eyebrow. “How is that not what you mean? I’m standing here…with you.”

I break out of his embrace. “Why?”

He shakes his head, his eyes not leaving mine. “I don’t know. I like being with you.”

That’s an even bigger “why.” I bite my lip and smile. “I know I’m not the type of girl you usually, uh, associate with.”

“Are you saying I have a type?”

Now it’s my turn to stare at him incredulously. “Thin, beautiful, busty. Oh, and rich and famous. I’m not any of those.”

He moves forward and puts his hands on my waist, avoiding the burns on my left side. “You do own mirrors, right? I don’t like boney women, so you’re wrong there. You are beautiful, and your tits are fantastic. And being rich and famous isn’t going to make me like you more or less.”

Oh, Aiden, what the hell are you doing? Stop saying such beautiful things that warm my heart and turn me on. “Then why do actors always date actors?”

He slides his hands around my back and pulls me in. “It’s a whole other world, and other actors get it. I’m busy—really busy—and I’m not home that much. If I dated an actress, she’d be busy doing her own shit while I was working on mine.”

“That makes sense. I never thought of it like that before.”

He shrugs. “There are unspoken rules in Hollywood too. I, um, haven’t been in it that long, you know, so I don’t know them all. Yet.” He stammers a bit as he talks, embarrassed to admit it. It must be difficult to be thrust into a world of A-listers with only a few years of experience. Wait, what? Am I really feeling sorry for him for rising to fame so quickly?

Aiden, what are you doing to me?

“French toast?” I say and go back to the fridge. He tells me about the movie he’s working on, and we laugh about outtakes and botched lines. He helps me clean up after we eat and walks with me back to the barn. He’s so perfect it terrifies me.

He goes into the foal’s stall, petting her and offering her another bottle while I change Phoenix’s padded bandages and treat her wounds. Then we let Benny, Sundance, and Shakespeare out and watch them race across the pasture.

“What about Phoenix?” Aiden asks, not looking away from the horses galloping through the grass.

“She’s not ready to go out there yet,” I say. “I let her in the dry lot, which is a smaller pasture with not much grass. She’s not strong enough physically to have that kind of room. If she went to the back of the pasture and got too weak or tied to come in, it could be the end. Plus, there are mountain lions out there that would love a weak horse.” It hurts my heart to keep her in the small pasture. I hate seeing her alone. I tried putting Shakespeare in with her, but he was too friendly and wanted to nuzzle her neck, which is covered in burns. I don’t trust the others, and I don’t trust Phoenix to be alone with the foal. For now, both had to be kept alone. Being alone is unnatural for horses. Hell, it is for anyone. But sometimes there is no other way.

“They probably love baby horses, too.”

I nod. “Yeah, and she doesn’t have a mom to protect her and teach her how to watch for those things.” My own words send a chill through me, and Aiden moves closer. “Eventually, she’ll learn. Shakespeare has fostered before.”

“Isn’t Shakespeare a dude?”

I laugh. “He is. I mean he’s good at teaching manners. Horses learn by watching other horses. It’s fascinating, actually, to just sit and watch them interact.”

I push off the fence and turn to Aiden. His gaze locks with mine, and I close the distance between us. His arms lock around my waist.

“There are really mountain lions around here?” he asks as he looks at the pasture.

“Yeah, but they don’t go after the horses that often. The healthy horses, I should say.”

“What do you do if one goes after the horses?”

“Hope that I’m home, first of all,” I say, lifting my arms and resting them on Aiden’s shoulders. “Then try to scare them off. If that doesn’t work…well, you know. There’s a rifle in the barn for a reason.”

“And you know how to use it?”

I laugh. “If you have a farm out here and you don’t know how to use a gun, you’re in trouble.”

“You’re kind of incredible,” he says with a smile. “Like a character from a movie. Women like you shouldn’t really exist, yet here you are, standing in front of me.”

Be still my heart. Early morning sunlight pours down on us. Aiden moves his head down, and I know he’s going to kiss me. My heart lurches, and I don’t know if I should pull him to me or run away. I know exactly who he is, and I know how this will end. He won’t be here forever. He’ll go back to L.A., go to another location, and find ways to entertain himself between filming.

If I fall for him, it will be entirely his fault. His eyes close and his lips part. I want him to put those lips to mine, to drink me and make me feel. I want that kiss to linger, to remind me of how badly it will hurt when he leaves me.

He cradles my head and tips my chin up. Soft lips crush against mine, and I’m a goner. He pulls me in, tongue slipping past my lips. My breath escapes me, and I know I am most definitely falling, no matter how desperately I reach out to cling to something—anything—to keep me from plummeting off the edge of reason and logic and crashing into something I can never have, something that will never last. My heart skips a beat, and warmth flows through me. I tighten my arms around him, pulling him against me. He kisses me harder, mouth pressed against mine in desperation. He needs this as much as I do.

I’m falling for you, Aiden Shepherd. Please don’t catch me.