Текст книги "The Lonely Hearts Club"

Автор книги: Elizabeth Eulberg

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Dad grabbed his coat. I just stared at him.

"And, Mr. Braddock, as Penny's parents, we encourage this, as you call it, 'little' club. What she has done is wonderful, and you should be putting her picture on the wall instead of chastising her. We couldn't be prouder."

Dad hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. "Let's go, kiddo. Grab your stuff."

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chapter Twenty seven

WORD OF MY QUICK DEPARTURE from school spread like wildfire around school. Non–Club members thought I was expelled. Todd, even told people that the police had to escort me out of the building. Of course, I texted Tracy and Diane the truth on my way home, and they spread the word to the rest of the Lonely Hearts Club members. they all thought I was a hero.

Everybody at our next meeting was ecstatic. it was as if Braddock's condemnation of the Club somehow validated us.

I hoped this made it a good time for an announcement.

Diane and Tracy joined me in the front of the room, I looked over and saw Morgan was blushing. She had been thrilled when she'd found out that Tyson liked her, but thankfully didn't want to drop out of the Club.

"All right, I want everybody to hear us out before you make up your minds or jump to conclusions." I looked at Rosanna when I said this. "I started this club because I was sick of guys. But as the Club has grown, I've noticed that it's more about focusing on ourselves, and that we're really good at that. So now I think maybe our focus shouldn't be on never dating a guy, but on keeping true to your friends. if one of us wants to go –"

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"I knew it!" Rosanna got out of her seat. "I knew it! You want to date Ryan.'" She pointed at me like I was a convicted felon.

"if you just watt and hear –"

"Oh, this is just great. Some leader you are!' she replied.

I noticed that the entire room was glaring at Rosanna. "this isn't about me!' I replied.

"Oh, really?" Rosanna rolled her eyes dramatically, "How convenient that you decide to change the rules after you go on a date with the hottest guy in school!' Jealousy was oozing out of her voice. "Maybe it shouldn't be called the Lonely Hearts Club – maybe you should call it the Rules Will Change When Convenient For Penny Club!'

"Oh, just shut it already.'" Tracy screamed at Rosanna, "Sit your skinny ass down and listen to what Penny has to say or get the hell out. I can tell you no tears will be shed if you leave."

It was good to have the old Tracy back.

Rosanna sat back downlike a spoiled six-year-old who had just been told she couldn't have a pony for Christmas.

"thank you, Tracy," I said.

"You're welcome, our divine leader." Tracy smiled at me.

"This isn't about me. this is actually about Morgan." the entire room turned toward Morgan, who shrunk from embarrassment. 'I'm sorry, Morgan, for having to single you out, but everybody is going to find out eventually. See, the guy that Morgan has had a crush on for years also likes her. And the

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thing is, Tyson is a really great guy, probably one of the few at McKinley, and I don't want to be the one responsible for denying them the chance to see what could happen.

"So, Tracy, Diane, and I have sat down with Morgan and have agreed that as long as she still attends Saturday meetings, group events, and remains the Morgan we all love, there's no reason she can't give it a try."

Morgan stood up. "Consider me the lab rat. Plus, this may all be premature, since he hasn't even asked me out yet. . ."

He better, I thought. Tyson had no idea how much trouble he was causing.

I walked over to Morgan and put my hand on her shoulder. "And I, for one, will be so excited to hear all the details about your date at our next meeting."

Rosanna started to laugh. "You've got to be joking. And when are we going to hear about your date?"

That was it. I'd had it with Rosanna.

"Let me make something perfectly clear to you and to everybody else." I was practically shaking I was so mad. "I have absolutely zero interest in Ryan Bauer and I never will. So to clarify to anybody who may be confused, I will never, never date Ryan." the room had gone silent. Tracy and Diane had horrified expressions on their faces.

What had I done?

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chapter Twenty eight

WHILE I FULLY ENJOYED TRACY'S rules for the Club, there was a very important one she missed. What happens in the Lonely Hearts Club, stays in the Lonely Hearts Club,

I'd thought that was a given.

If you couldn't trust a member of the Club, who could you trust?

But It hadn't counted on one very shootworthy messenger.

Tracy, Diane, and I were walking into school together on Monday morning, talking about Morgan and Tyson, hoping his audition had gone well and he was ready to ask her out. We were just rounding the corner when Diane's expression fell,

"Oh, no," she said. Both Tracy and I followed her gaze and saw Rosanna talking to Ryan at his locker with a smug look on her face.

This couldn't have been good.

Diane quickened her pace, and Ryan spotted the three of us walking over. He gave me a hurt look before slamming his locker and walking away.

"Let me talk to him," Diane headed after him.

I could tell Tracy was about ready to go after Rosanna, but she stopped when she noticed the panicked expression on my face, "It's okay, Penny," she said. "She's a jerk."

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I nodded slowly. A numbness had spread over my body.

"That's it, she's out of the Club," Tracy went on. "I'll tell her." Tracy guided me to my locker and opened it up for me. All I could do was stare straight ahead.

"No, I'll tell her" I said. "At lunch." I could hardly get the words out.

"Okay." Tracy got my books for me. "Do you need anything else?"

Yes, I needed to know why, if I didn't have any feelings for Ryan, I felt so demolished.

Diane filled me in right before lunch. "Rosanna told Ryan that basically you declared in front of the entire Club that you think he's pathetic, that you don't even like him as a friend, and that you would never go on a date with him."

"That's not what I said!" I protested.

Well, not the first two parts.

"That's what I told him, but he's still pretty upset. I don't think he liked the fact that you would talk about him to the Club."

"All right," Tracy chimed in. "Let's slow down for a second and catch our breath." She put her arm around me and looked me in the eye. "Are you sure you want to do this now?"

I couldn't believe that at a time like this Tracy had decided to be the voice of reason. Even Diane looked at her like she was mental. Of course I wanted to do this.

Right.

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Now.

"Yes."

I marched into the cafeteria like a soldier off to battle, with Diane and Tracy right behind me. Rosanna was at the end of the table talking poor Eileen's and Annette's ears off. She jumped a bit when I slammed down my books next to her. the entire table went silent.

"I have something I need to say," I was looking at Rosanna, but said it loud enough for everyone to hear. "there are certain people who are here for the wrong reasons. Certain people who aren't here because of friendship. People who are manipulative and wouldn't know how to be a good friend even if their bony ass depended on it. they're here because they want to be popular. Well, you know what? I've been used far too much in my life to stand here and let it happen to me again. It's bad enough that I've been screwed around by boys. But to be screwed around by a girl... a supposed friend ... is even worse. Underminers are not welcome in the Lonely Hearts Club any longer."

Rosanna continued to eat her banana, while looking around as if I couldn't possibly be speaking about her.

"Apparently, I'm not making myself clear." I leaned over so I was face-to-face with her. "Rosanna Shaw, you've taken advantage of me, of the Club, of our trust. You took something I said when I thought I was among friends, and you twisted it into a hurtful He. You're no longer welcome in the Club, in my house, or at this table. Do you understand?"

She squinted at me. "Are you seriously going to kick me out?"

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"I just did!" My voice started to rise. "Get out of here, you backstabbing, two-faced wench."

"Yes!" Tracy got up and clapped, followed by Diane, then Morgan and Kara and Jen. Soon the entire table was up, cheering me on.

Rosanna quickly got up and started to leave. Adrenaline was pumping through my entire body as I sat down. I examined the happy faces around me. I was so glad to have the old, supportive Club back.

I turned around to see the entire cafeteria was looking in our direction. A few other tables even joined in the celebration of Rosanna's departure.

I caught Ryan's eye at the other end of the room and gave him a smile, but he looked away.

The camaraderie within the Lonely Hearts Club was better than ever all week. We were stronger, more united. Maybe it was Braddock's threats, or Rosanna's interference, but all the Club members seemed to have become more invested in the Club and one another.

We all came out in full force to support Diane's debut as a member of the McKinley Ravens basketball team. With only two minutes left, Diane had yet to be put in the game.

"Coach Ramsey has to let Diane in – we're up by nineteen points!' Tracy said.

I kept stealing glances over by Diane's parents, where Ryan was sitting, I guessed there was no way Todd,, or any of the

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guys, would've come to support Diane, despite how many times she had cheered them on. I had tried to talk to Ryan since Monday's debacle with Rosanna, but he wouldn't even look at me. Anytime I tried to approach him, he walked away. He had to have heard the conversation in the cafeteria; it was all anybody had been talking about the last four days.

The junior varsity cheerleading squad took the floor. they didn't even try to display any enthusiasm for the game, like they were being punished by having to cheer for the girls' team.

"Ugh, this is painful, I could do a better job!' Tracy said as the cheerleaders anemically asked if we had spirit.

The buzzer sounded and the teams got back to the court. Diane sat patiently at the end of the bench, her knee visibly shaking with nerves.

Jen threw the ball from out-of-bounds to Britney Stewart, who was immediately fouled by a desperate member of the Springfield team. the team lined up at the free-throw line, and Britney easily scored two extra points for the team.

"Oh, come on, Coach!" Tracy screamed. "Put Diane in!"

All five Ravens players sprinted down to the other end of the court. Jen easily recovered a failed attempt from Springfield to score a basket. She grabbed the ball fiercely and began to dribble it down the court. A tall brunette player from Springfield ran up alongside her and pushed her down with a swift motion of her hips.

The whistle blew as the referees conferred.

"That so better be a technical foul," Tracy hissed.

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the team congregated near the bench to be briefed by Coach Ramsey. As the coach talked to the team and went over the next play, Diane looked on intently, then she bit her lip, and headed into the game. the entire Club section stood up and started cheering. Signs were hoisted, and chants of "Diane" started filling the gymnasium.

Diane's eyes narrowed as she lined up at the foul line and watched Jen miss her two free throws. Then, when the action resumed, she ran full force to Springfield's end of the court. She was squatting down and staying low as the guard from the other team approached her. Diane stayed with the guard the entire time, focused on the player's torso, a trick Ryan taught her. the ball was thrown to a tall blonde who missed the basket. Jen recovered the ball and threw it to Diane,

Diane dribbled the length of the court, every ounce of her attention on the basket before her.

"Come on, Diane!" Tracy and I screamed in unison– Tracy grabbed my hand as we watched Diane approach the basket for a lay-up and . .. miss.

"It's okay, Diane!" Kara screamed next to me. We all continued to clap as Springfield called another time-out.

"Can you believe them?" Tracy motioned down to the front, where the cheerleading team had decided to take a break. "they sat down the second Diane took to the court. So pathetic."

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the cheerleaders were sitting on the first bench. Missy was texting someone on her phone, while the rest of them were doing everything they could to ignore the game.

"Oh, they make me so mad. A few weeks ago, all those girls were kissing Diane's ass and now they can't even cheer for the team . . . it's their job!"

I nodded, annoyed at how shallow they were being.

"I've had it." Tracy stood up.

"Tracy, don't cause any –"

Before I could finish my sentence, Tracy stood up on our bench, turned around to face the people behind us, and screamed at the top of her lungs, "GIVE ME A D!"

Our section quieted down as everybody stared at Tracy.

She looked exasperated. "Come on, people, I said GIVE ME A D!"

Oh my God, is Tracy , . . cheerleading?

D!" Morgan, Kara, and Amy shouted.

"GIVE ME AN I!" Tracy continued.

"I" the Lonely Hearts Club started to roar.

"that's more like it! GIVE ME AN At" Tracy started to clap and bounce on the balls of her feet. the cheerleaders from below turned around, mouths opened in shock as the Ravens side of the gymnasium gave Tracy an "N!"

"GIVE ME AN E!"

The gymnasium echoed with a loud "E!"

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"What's that spell?" Tracy made her way down to the front of the bleachers.

"DIANE!"

She was now at the space occupied a few moments earlier by the cheerleading squad. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" She placed her hand up toward her ear.

DIANE! "The crowd cheered back.

The buzzer sounded and everybody was on their feet cheering. Tracy looked over at Missy and company and gave them a little smirk, letting them know they were no longer the ones in control of the crowd.

Diane got back on the court, determination sketched on her face. Less than fifteen seconds was left on the clock. Springfield took possession of the ball, and the guard slowly made her way down the court. Their team was going to lose, so why would they let us score any more points.

"TEN. . "–the crowd started to count down with the clock.

Diane's eyes zeroed in on the approaching player.

"NINE..."

She started to shuffle back and forth.

"EIGHT..."

The guard tried to make a quick break to the left, but it was too late.

"SEVEN.,

Diane stole the ball and dribbled at a sprint down the court. . .

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"SIX. . .."

.. while the entire Springfield team rushed after her.

"five..."

Diane focused on the net ahead and .. .

'TOUR ,. "

. . . went in for the layup.

"THREE..." the ball bounced off the rim and hit the backboard . . .

"TWO..."

. .. and went right into the net. the buzzer was muffled by the cheers erupting from the crowd. Diane was swarmed by her teammates. the cheerleaders rushed out of the auditorium with disgusted looks on their faces. the Springfield side was clearly confused about the celebration before them.

I thought back to the Diane who sat across from me at the diner less than two months ago. I looked around at all of the Club members to whom Diane had been such an inspiration. She had shown us all that it could be done.

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chapter Twenty nine

IT WASN'T LOST ON ME THAT there was a correlation between the demise of my friendship with Ryan and the growth of the bond within the Club.

Every time the Club moved forward (Diane's basketball triumph last night), Ryan and I took a step back (he never showed up at his locker that day).

While that was upsetting, there was another problem that I needed to face. Nate.

There was another e-mail waiting for me when I got home. This one entitled

FRIENDS?

I sat down and clicked it open.

Pen,

I've been thinking about us a lot lately. Actually, you're all I think about. I know I'm not going to hear from you. I know you hate me. I know you will never feel for me the way I feel for you. I deserve this. But I just need to ask you one question, and I want you to think about it (if you're even reading

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this) before I see you in a couple weeks. Do you think we could at least be friends? I need you in my life. And I'll take you whatever way I can.

I am going to do everything possible to get you back in my life.

Love,

Loser

Friends? He wanted us to be friends? Could I be friends with Nate after everything that happened?

Ryan and Diane were friends, but Ryan didn't cheat on Diane. Ryan was ...

I couldn't handle thinking about how wonderful Ryan was. Or being friends with Ryan, since he clearly had no interest in even talking to me.

Maybe the best thing would be just to tell Nate we could be friends and move on.

But I knew: I -was fooling myself if I thought that I would be able to do that.

After brooding about it for a week, I decided to ask Diane for advice over dinner. "How can you be friends with Ryan?" I blurted out before we even ordered.

Diane was surprised. "He's been in my life for so long."

"But so has Nate ., . for me," I replied.

Diane looked concerned. "Yeah, but Ryan never .. ."

I sank back in my chair.

"What is this about?" Diane bit her lip.

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I filled her in on the e-mails and Nate's plea for us to be friends.

She shook her head. "Penny, do you want to be friends with Nate?"

"No – I never want to see Nate again. But that isn't going to happen."

She sighed. "I really think you need to come clean to your parents." No way.

Diane set down her menu and grabbed my hand. "is everything okay? You've been really quiet all week."

I shrugged.

"You know!' Diane offered, "it wasn't easy at first, being friends with Ryan. I had to get in a new routine with him, but now he's one of my best friends. And so are you." She hesitated. "And I wish that my two closest friends could forgive each other."

"What?" My mouth dropped open. "Forgive each other? Diane, he won't even look at me. I've tried to apologize to him, but he doesn't even acknowledge my existence."

"I know. He's just upset."

"Upset?" I was so frustrated. "What Rosanna said was a blatant lie. He knows that, right?"

Diane nodded.

"So, what's his problem? We've been friends for a long time and then he doesn't want to talk to me? Why? Because people thought we went on a date."

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Diane shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Penny, Ryan thought it was a date."

"Diane, he knew about the Lonely Hearts Club. He knew I couldn't date."

She shrugged.

"You know," I said, "maybe Nate and Ryan aren't that different after all."

Diane looked shocked. "How can you say that?"

"Come on, Diane." My face was flushed. "So, fine, Ryan thought it was a date. So because I wouldn't be ..." I wanted to say "his little girlfriend" but didn't want to offend her, "Because I wouldn't go on a date with him, he doesn't even want to be my friend? is all he wants from me, I don't know, to get laid?"

Diane pursed her lips. "You know he's not like that."

"Do I?"

I started to get upset. I knew I'd crossed the line. I knew that Ryan wasn't like Nate – but I missed Ryan. I missed talking to him, hanging out with him between classes. And he just dumped on me. Just like Nate did. So was he any different?

'I'm just saying that my opinion on guys hasn't changed," I said.

I was sure I was right to not get involved with Ryan. He would've just hurt me in the end. Just like he'd already hurt me,

Tracy came up to me the next day after class. "Hey, I need to talk to you for a minute." She looked serious.

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We walked over to the benches that lined the hallway near the cafeteria.

"There's some stuff going on with the Club that I need to let you in on."

"The Club?" I thought everything was great. But I'd been so distracted lately, it didn't surprise me that I may have missed something.

"Yeah, Kara is going to miss the next two meetings,"

"Oh?"

Tracy looked around. "Yeah, I didn't say anything to you or Diane because I swore I wouldn't tell anybody."

"What's going on?"

"She's going in for counseling." Counseling?"

Tracy sighed. "Oh, come on, Pen, We've all kept quiet the last couple of years while we watched her waste away. I don't know what prompted her, but she started talking to me and Morgan at the last meeting about wanting to get back in control."

"That's great." I was so happy for Kara. Happy and concerned.

"So, anyways," Tracy continued. "The program she is going to is all weekend long."

"Of course, it's fine." I felt bad that I didn't know about it or hadn't been there for Kara.

Ryan came walking toward his locker. it was the first time I had seen him outside of World History in a week.

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"Hey, Ryan!' Tracy said.

He looked up from his locker. "Hey, Tracy."

He, once again, didn't even look at me. He quickly grabbed his things and left.

Tracy looked between me and Ryan, who was walking out the door. "What's going on with you two, anyways?"

"Nothing,"

And that was the truth. There was absolutely, positively nothing going on.

I decided I was going to use the week before thanksgiving break to focus back on the Club. I'd had enough of stressing over Ryan's coldness and Nate's desire to be friends.

"Okay, spill it!" Tracy said to Morgan as she sat down at our meeting on Saturday. "We want details."

Morgan blushed as the entire group awaited the details of her first date with Tyson.

"Well, Tyson picked me up in his mom's station wagon."

"He did not!" Erin exclaimed. "that is so not what I pictured."

"I know." Morgan smiled. "I thought he would've had some rock-star car, but it was really sweet. We went to the Mexicana Grill and had the greatest meal – they have the best guacamole. Then we went to the garage, and I got to hear their band rehearse, and he sang a song for me." Morgan blushed at the memory.

"An original song?" Teresa asked.

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As Morgan continued the story of her night, I looked around at the group. Everybody was interested in Morgan's date and happy for her. I couldn't help but smile.

these were the kinds of friends that I needed. Supportive ones. Not Nate, who'd betrayed me. And not Ryan, who was so quick to dismiss me.

"Did he kiss you or not: I said details," Tracy teased.

Morgan blushed and looked down.

A chorus of "wooo" filled the room as Morgan put her hands up to her face. "Penny, you've got to help me," she begged.

"All right, all right. Let the girl have some amount of privacy." I laughed.

I went through a list of movies we could watch and let the debate start between an eighties teen comedy or a horror flick.

"Hey, Penny." Teresa Finer came up to me. "Would it be okay if Marta and I went upstairs to study?"

"Study? it's a Saturday night, guys."

Marta Gonzales took out her Advanced Calculus textbook. "I know, but there's a big test on Monday we need to go over."

Teresa leaned in. "I failed the last exam, and if my grade drops any lower I'm going to lose my volleyball scholarship at UW."

"Oh, of course!" I motioned for them to follow me as I walked them up to my room. "It will be quiet here. Let me know if you need anything."

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"Thanks," Teresa said as she sat down on my floor.

When I headed downstairs, I saw I had a text from Nate. Tracy had shut off his ringer, but that didn't mean he couldn't get through.

I flipped open the phone and burst out laughing.

"What's going on?" Tracy was in the kitchen with Diane getting more food.

I kept laughing. "Oh, it's this text from Nate . .."

Tracy ran over and grabbed the phone. "What; I don't get it."

"What's it say?" Diane asked.

"Milk was a had choice," Tracy read. I burst out laughing again.

"It's . .." I kept giggling. "It's from Anchorman. We saw it this summer on TV, and we kept quoting lines from it all the time. See, it was really hot out. . ."

Tracy and Diane were both horrified.

"Penny, have you lost your mind?"

"What? it's a funny movie."

"You don't see what he's doing?"

What was he doing?

Tracy hit the delete button. "I'm keeping this tonight." She put my phone in her pocket. "Let's go back downstairs. Maybe being around the group will remind you why we're here."

I followed Tracy downstairs. But I had a smile on my face, remembering laughing so hard with Nate that I had tears running down my face. Good tears.

I had almost forgotten that there were good times with Nate.

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I kept getting texts all week. And I hated to admit that I was beginning to look forward to them. Just like I used to look forward to going to my locker and talking to Ryan.

I told Tracy that they'd stopped, because she was demanding possession of my cell phone. And it wasn't like a few funny lines were going to make me forget about what he'd done.

I just needed to laugh.

I raced back to my locker to pack up before thanksgiving break. I checked my phone and began laughing at his newest quote.

"Hey, what's so funny?"

I almost didn't recognize the voice.

Ryan. He was smiling at me.

"Oh." I hadn't talked to him in weeks. I had been waiting for this moment, but didn't know what to do. "Oh, I just got a funny text."

"Well, it's good to see you smile again, Bloom."

I didn't know how to take that. "Um..." it was good to be talking to him again. if only I could've figured out what to say. I decided to be honest. "I guess I could say the same thing to you."

He laughed. "Yeah, you're right. Been a tough few weeks, huh?"

I just nodded. Where had this come from?

"Well." He shut his locker. "Have a great thanksgiving. I'll see you when we get back." He touched my shoulder as he walked off My heart sank.

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Right then I got another text from Nate, but I deleted it without looking. Funny quotes were all well and good, but that's not what I wanted.

It scared me that that brief encounter with Ryan meant so much to me.

I closed my eyes. I was thankful for the Club. For not dating.

Because there was no way Ryan Bauer could do anything but break my heart.

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chapter thirty

"PENNY LANE, YOU AREN'T GOING to wear that are you?" Mom asked when I walked down to the kitchen on thanksgiving morning.

I looked down and inspected my outfit – a nice pair of jeans and a long-sleeved tee. "Ah , . yes. this is standard Bloom holiday wear,"

She was busy wiping down the kitchen counter and looked more stressed than usual.

"I know, but we have guests this year."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize the Queen of England was stopping by."

"Penny Lane!" Mom snapped at me. I had forgotten how much entertaining took out of her. Rita and I had been doing our best to help her, peeling potatoes and cutting up vegetables. I had the cuts on my hand to prove it.

Dad walked in with the newspaper rolled up in his hand. "Penny Lane, please change for your mother, will you? She's a little upset that Lucy isn't coming home this weekend."

this was the first holiday our whole family wasn't together. Lucy was spending thanksgiving with her fiancé's family in Boston.

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Mom wiped the sweat off her brow. "I know she'll be spending a whole week at Christmas, but that's going to be spent getting ready for the wedding . . ."

Rita entered the room in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Girls, change right this instant!"

As we walked upstairs Rita asked, "What did I miss?" I just shook my head. Happy thanksgiving to me. Rita could tell that I was a nervous wreck.

"Penny, it's going to be fine!' she said. "You've got to be the bigger person. You don't want him to have any power."

The Taylor's were going to arrive in less than an hour, and I still had no idea what I was going to say to Nate. to be honest, I didn't even know what I was going to feel like when I saw him. Angry? Sad? E-mails and texts were one thing, but what would I feel when I looked in his eyes? that was going to reveal a lot. I just hoped I would be able to stay strong. He wasn't going to get to me. I had moved on.

I went to my room and found the white halter top Diane had lent me after Homecoming, when she told me that I needed to accentuate "what your mama gave you." So I put that on with black-and-white pinstripe pants and black heels. I headed downstairs thinking that I looked a lot better . . . maybe a little too good for my father,

"Uh, is that top new, Penny Lane?" Dad aid, as he nervously looked at my outfit

"Oh, Dave, relax," Mom said "She's filled out nicely."

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the doorbell rang, and I tried to take a few deep breaths. Rita grabbed my hand and whispered, "Don't let him win."

Win? What was there to win? the door opened and there was an explosion of activity – my parents embracing Mr. and Mrs. Taylor and exchanges of cheerful greetings.

Mrs. Taylor turned to me. "Oh, Penny, look at you!" She hugged me tightly. "Oh, sweetie, you look fantastic." She let go of me and I turned around.

And there he was. With a look on his face – I couldn't tell whether it was shy or smug.

"Hey, Penny."

I opened my mouth and tried to say something, anything. But it was hard. I thought about what Diane had said about Ryan being in her life for so long. Here was Nate in front of me, Nate whom I had always known. I thought that maybe my last memory of him would drown out the others, but they didn't. Seeing each other was such a routine, and even though we'd always say "Hey, Penny" and "Hey, Nate "like it was no big deal, we usually said it like we shared a secret between us. Because we did. And now it was bigger than before.

I hated seeing him. I hated him being here. Because I hated what I was feeling. As much as I wanted to scream and run away, I could hardly breathe. I felt the same excitement that I would always feel when I saw him.

this was going to be harder than I had ever imagined.

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"Here." Rita shoved the Taylors' coats in my arms. "Penny will hang these up."

I gave Rita a grateful look as I darted to the closet. I spent more time than necessary hanging up the coats. the entire time I sensed Nate's eyes on my back. And I enjoyed it.

"So, what can I get you to drink?" I asked the second the last of the jackets was on a hanger.

"I've got it, sweetie." Dad began to take drink orders.

"No, Dad!' Rita protested. "Let me and Penny help."

I turned to head to the kitchen, when I felt a tug on my arm.

"Penny," Nate said as he enveloped me in a hug. "I missed you so much."

"Aww," Nate's mom cooed. "He's been talking about nothing but seeing you again, sweetie."

I just stood there with Nate's arms around me.

"Come on, Penny." Rita came over and Nate quickly loosened his grasp. "We've got to go to the kitchen." She turned to Nate. "You know, the room with all the sharp knives."