Текст книги "Mine"

Автор книги: Dimon HelenKay

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Andy took that for the huge admission it was. Gabe might throw around talk about keeping Natalie safe, but he really wanted to keep her by his side. No doubt about it. Good thing Andy liked her because, unless Gabe or Natalie screwed up, she might be around for a while.

“No, but I think you should be telling her that.” Andy started to wonder what other secrets Gabe had trapped inside that head of his. “And then you need to talk to Brandon.”

“I still hate those options.”

“Being a grown-up sucks.” Andy knew from the kick-in-the-teeth drive over here with Wade and Eli in the car. Neither talked much, but when they did they finished each other’s sentences and talked almost in code, about things only they understood because they lived through them together.

The hour had amounted to pure torture. Andy made the drive in record time.

Gabe nodded. “Sure as hell does.”

TWENTY-FOUR

Gabe slid his hand up the center of Natalie’s bare back to her shoulders and used his palm to press her upper body even deeper into the mattress. Her hair fell over her arms and across the sheets. With every plunge he enjoyed a front row seat to her ass. On her elbows and knees, she opened for him, and he couldn’t take much more.

His gaze shifted to the mirror that ran along the wall, parallel to the bed. In this position he could watch her body buck as he entered her then retreated. See those full breasts bounce as he ached to touch them. The lean muscles of her arms clenched in time with his thrusts. Those fingers grabbed fistfuls of his sheets.

The way she moved, so sensual and graceful. Drawn out, as if every shift was picked for his pleasure. Pure magic.

Every second pushed him closer to the edge. Not that he had far to go. He’d prolonged the tasting, touring his mouth over her until they both shook. When he finally entered her a few minutes ago he nearly sighed with relief. Now he bit back a groan as his body begged to come.

The last two days had been like this. Alone in the house, lost in a haze. They ate then they had sex. They’d watch a movie then have sex. Walk the grounds for some air then rush back inside to rip their clothes off. Talk, sex, eat. He’d check in and scan the grounds, but mostly he’d focused on her. He’d never experienced the combination of wild and comfort before.

But in this moment, as his breath clogged his throat and his rapid heartbeat threatened to knock him over, all he wanted was to feel her clamp around him one more time. One of his hands slipped down and over her hip, then lower, until he could touch her. Feel her wetness as she clung to him. Touch off the spiraling inside her.

One brush of his finger and her head flew back. He wanted to lean in and kiss her neck, but his body had other ideas. The burning inside him had taken over. He needed release and couldn’t hold back the rush one second longer.

Her tightening touched off steady thumping deep inside him. He curled around her, desperate to be closer, to push in deeper. His chest lay against her back. The heat from their bodies mixed but they kept moving.

She made a noise that sounded like a “guh” as her head finally dropped forward, and her elbows shook and her upper body collapsed into the mattress. Her hair hung around her except for the strands he’d clutched in his hand. He could feel the tiny pulses inside her as the pounding continued to hold him in its grip.

When he finally came, the release felt as if it had been ripped from him, taking every ounce of his strength along with it. The energy buzzing around the room faded and his muscles gave out. He had to balance his palms against the bed to keep from flattening her. Still, he rested against her, anchoring her underneath him. Skin against skin as the harsh breaths rocked his lungs.

With both of them spent, he eased out of her. Fell to his side and watched her. She stretched out her legs until she lay on her stomach. Her hands slid up the bed to land close to her head before slipping under the pillow. But she kept her face turned away from him.

The sex had rubbed him raw. He couldn’t even call it sex anymore. The term felt too cold and distant. The intimacy that wrapped around them reached deeper than two bodies slapping together. He’d crossed over into lovemaking, which made something twist in his gut. After a lifetime of protecting his sanity by keeping relationships with women light and away from Brandon, he’d broken both personal rules. With her. Because of her.

Conflicting emotions bombarded him. He still wanted her safe, but not as part of any job. This need to tuck her close and talk things over with her was so new he didn’t even know how to handle it. He kept mentally chalking up the change in him to a strong attraction to her, but that didn’t make much sense. He’d found other women beautiful before her and wanted to sleep with them. This didn’t feel like those. This came with thoughts about a future and a dread over the idea of her leaving the house with that bag and never looking back.

The need to coddle her, protect her, spoil her, learn from her—every sensation hit him as he lay there. The last time he’d known love for a woman was as a teenager. Back then it came in this overwhelming burst. So dramatic and intense, but it burned out fast. A crying baby had a way of putting love to the test, and theirs failed. It actually failed before that when she said she wanted out of it all—the relationship with him and motherhood.

With Natalie he experienced the slow burn, the gentle creeping up on him. Jesus, if he loved her he truly was fucked because Natalie would not rush in with him. She’d be difficult and insist he had the flu or something and would get over it. He ran the risk of her shutting down, or worse, shutting him out. No matter what she would not give an inch. She’d make him prove it.

And he wouldn’t expect her to act any other way. That’s who she was and part of what drove his attraction to her—her strength and independence.

He reached out and ran a hand over her hair. “You okay?”

That quick, she turned around and she smiled at him. A stray strand of hair fell over her mouth and he pushed it away. Brushed his hand over her cheek and loved the smoothness under his fingers.

“You promised I’d be a panting mess by the time we were done.” Her lips were wet as she licked her tongue across the bottom one.

If he said half of the naughty things that went through his head she might just slap him. Though, maybe not. Natalie embraced her sexuality. Of the many things he found so hot about her, that was near the top.

“That wasn’t very chivalrous of me,” he said, not feeling one ounce of guilt over any of it.

“I’m not complaining.” A bit of her southern accent snuck in as she talked.

Good thing she’d worn him out or he’d be all over her again, and right now he just wanted to look at her. To memorize every inch of her stunning face.

He didn’t fight the question playing in his mind. The same one he’d been biting back since Brandon went back to school. “Any chance I can convince you to stop keeping your stuff in the extra bedroom and just move it in here with me?”

She pushed up on her elbow and stared down at him. “That sounds like you’re okay with me taking over your house.”

Damn, but yeah. “Sharing it.”

She speared her fingers through her hair, separating the strands as she focused on some spot on the wall over his shoulder. Finally, her gaze cleared and she focused on him again. “I’ve been on the run a long time.”

He never thought she’d admit that. Until that moment he hadn’t been sure she even understood her tendency to duck out emotionally. Looked like she did. “You made choices that allowed you to stay unattached, almost demanded that you live your life in a solitary way.”

“And now everything is jumbled. For the first time ever when I look out at the expanse of my future I don’t see anything.” Her head fell back as she stared up at the ceiling. “It’s this utter blackness. I can’t get it to focus. Can’t really think through my options.”

“Because you’re worried you’re being hunted?”

“No.” She looked at him again. “Because I don’t feel as if I have any choices. I know how to do one thing, and under the agreement I have to walk away from the CIA and all I’ve known. What’s left?”

“You’re selling yourself short.” She could fight and manage and lead. That was more than most people.

“Ever since my father . . .” Her voice faltered and she cleared it. “When you lose your mom the way I did you make some decisions about your life. You won’t be a victim. You won’t let your future get twisted up. You’ll always have a plan. A way out.” She ticked each one off on her fingers.

“Makes sense.” He hadn’t experienced anything like she had but he understood the intelligence of wearing a protective shell and being prepared for the worst.

“Somewhere along the line I lost sight of all of that.”

He’d never met a more competent woman or one so determined to let the blame pile up until it buried her. “Maybe you should give yourself a break? You made the decision to protect your people.”

She shrugged. “And look where that got me.”

“You would do it again.” He didn’t have to ask because he knew the answer. They were alike in that way. Loyalty, sometimes begrudging loyalty, trumped a lot of bullshit.

She exhaled. “I would.”

“Then stop worrying about the next twelve months or five years.” He wanted her to focus on the here and now. On being safe and getting her feet under her again. On them. Not that he could spit those words out in any logical way, or that he wanted to. He’d barely come to terms with the overpowering energy behind his feelings for her. This was not the time for show-and-tell. But he could offer sanctuary. “You are safe here with me. Stay here while you figure it out. There’s no rush. Even once we get this stalking thing straightened out, you can relax and think it through.”

“You know under that beard and all that gruffness, you’re a charmer.” She ran a finger over it as she talked.

He pretended to be horrified by the thought. “Absolutely untrue.”

“And when you want to talk you can.” Her thumb pressed against his lip until his mouth dropped open just a bit. “I’m thinking the whole short responses, not talking thing you did when we first met was an act to show me how big and tough you are.”

The woman got him. Gabe couldn’t deny that . . . but he pretended to anyway. “Wrong.”

“Want to know what’s right?” She shifted then, slid her leg over his and moved from beside him to half on top of him.

He fully approved of the change and pulled her over him to let her know. Then his mind started racing. “Sex in the shower?”

“Now, you’re talking.” She said the words between nibbling kisses on his neck.

Yeah, they were definitely on the same page.

•   •   •

Eli called before he showed up at the office. The warning didn’t make seeing him any easier. He walked in, all tall and so fucking beautiful. Andy almost lost it.

He struggled to keep his ass in his desk chair and his voice even when he saw only one person being ushered inside. “Where’s your bodyguard?”

Eli flashed a smile as he closed the door, trapping them both inside. “Wade was needed at the club.”

“Sounds ominous.” Andy tried to remember how to breathe.

Alone with Eli. Andy had been wanting this moment for so long. Then he learned about Wade and confronting the ex suddenly seemed like an epically bad idea.

“Powerful people sometimes think they can do whatever they want. Wade’s job frequently is to advise said asshole members that they can’t.” Eli sat in the chair across from Andy.

“Sounds like a thankless position.” Necessary but messy, though Andy had a feeling Wade specialized in that type of situation.

“He doesn’t scare easily.”

“Except when it comes to you.” The words slipped out as if Andy’s subconscious wanted to pick a fight.

Eli stared for a beat or two longer than necessary before answering. “He’s fine.”

For some reason the clipped answer brought all the old feelings rushing back. Andy remembered spilling his guts once only to have Eli sneer and run as fast as he could for the door.

Andy knew he should back away now. Wade had made it clear Eli was not available. Not that Andy needed the warning. He saw it in every line of Eli’s body and heard it in every word that came out of Wade’s mouth. They were absolutely together. Bonded, right for each other . . . the whole fucking thing.

Still, Andy felt the need to push. “Your man has a jealousy issue.”

“He knows I won’t cheat on him.” Eli didn’t hesitate that time. The words rang out clear and firm.

“Then what’s with the constant supervision?”

“He trusts me.” Eli’s eyebrow lifted. “He doesn’t trust you, and since I told him he can’t kill you, he’s decided to remove temptation.”

“He thinks I’ll make a pass?” That had been the plan the first day Eli walked into Tosh’s offices about Natalie. He’d been with his boss and all business, and Andy’s brain cells had started firing. The possibility of a reconciliation floated through as soon as he realized how much Eli had changed. He’d settled down. No longer seemed half feral in the way he moved through life.

“I told him you’re not that stupid.” Eli’s eyes narrowed slightly. “That you know the score.”

Andy appreciated the faith in him. Too bad it was so fucking misplaced. If he thought it might work, that it had a fraction of a fraction of chance, Andy would have made a play. Rather than point that out, he went with the question that refused to leave his head. “Why him?”

Eli shifted in his chair. Crossed one leg over the other then dropped it to the floor again. “Don’t do this, Andy. I came for business.”

“Don’t you think we have awesome unsettled business of our own to deal with?” Andy tried to stop the flow of words, but they kept rolling out. It was as if he’d stored the questions along with the feelings and both rushed forward at the same time. Once the subject was on the table, Andy wanted it dealt with. Finally. Once and for all. “Well?”

“I fucked up.”

The words sliced into Andy with a painful nostalgia. He would have done anything to hear them before his life had spun out of control back then. He’d wandered down a destructive path after Eli left. Wasn’t careful. Gabe had saved his life more than once. Andy finally made the needed corrections, but only after getting some distance and some help.

Still, Eli’s admission fed Andy’s need to know more. “I’m not arguing, but any chance you could be more specific?”

“I wasn’t in a place to have a real relationship when we were together. I told you that, tried to be clear, but still . . .”

And there was the reality slap. Eli never lied. He hadn’t made any promises or looked for more. The whole history Andy planned for them originated in his head, from his needs.

The sudden clarity that Eli never really cared for more than sex became the one step too far. Somewhere inside Andy had always known, but hearing the words in Eli’s voice would give them power. Andy couldn’t handle that. He shut it all down as he flipped open some unrelated file on his desk. “Never mind. Ancient history.”

“Is it?”

“No offense, but I’ve had sex since we were together.” Right after Eli bugged out, Andy started having sex with a lot of men. Some he didn’t know. They formed a faceless, nameless line in his head. Not his finest or safest hour, but he’d been lucky enough not to damage his health.

Eli laughed. “I sure as hell hope so.”

“I got over you.” He hadn’t, but Andy felt his mind and body inching closer. Eli had changed. But with time passing and Wade in the picture too many doors closed for Andy to hope for anything more.

“Look.” Eli sat forward in his chair. “What I’m saying is that I’m sorry you had to waste one second getting over me. I was a shit back then and the way I handled what you told me—”

“That I loved you.”

Eli nodded. “I blew it. I wasn’t capable of hearing the words or dealing with them because I knew I was pretty unlovable.”

“But now . . .” Andy sensed Eli had overcome that affliction. Sensed it and felt it reverberate like a sucker punch through every bone in his body.

“Wade is the one, Andy.”

When Eli repeated it the second time, Andy got it. Hated every minute and felt it to his soul, but he got it. “Right.”

“And you are the one who deserved better than me. I truly hope you find him.” The words rang with genuine feeling. From the sadness in Eli’s eyes to his concerned expression it was clear he meant every syllable.

“I will.” Andy didn’t say the whole of the sentence—that he would eventually.

Eli stared for a second before pushing ahead. “I need to see Natalie.”

The change in topics helped ease the rising tension in the room. Andy grabbed on to the lifeline and let it pull him out of the emotional darkness. Work he could handle. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Eli broke eye contact but just for a second. “She needed me to check on something and I did.”

The scent of lying hit Andy. He wanted to dig and ferret out what Eli wasn’t saying, but he threw out a softer question instead. “Want me to pass a message on?”

“Sorry, I need a face-to-face.”

Something. Andy’s mind skipped through the possibilities. Could be she was ready to leave. Andy could understand the need to keep moving forward, but that would suck for Gabe, and he had more than enough to deal with right now. “I’ll let my brother know.”

Eli stood up. “Call me with the details of my next visit.”

“I can have someone else get in touch with the arrangements if that’s easier on Wade.” Andy could make that concession because he should. He needed to put behind him the days of looking for reasons to talk to Eli or see him.

“Do that if it’s easier on you. Wade’s a big boy. He’ll handle it.”

“I’m okay with going through you.” And for the first time in months Andy meant it. Maybe he’d finally given up, but he couldn’t fight the regret nagging him about what could have been. The man Eli had become was exactly who Andy always hoped he’d be, but the timing passed without them ever getting a true chance. “We need to focus on Gabe and Natalie now.”

Eli nodded. “Let’s get the job done.”

Andy waited for the steady beating to start and the headache to overwhelm him. This time it didn’t happen. He felt nothing but a twinge of sadness. Maybe this is what closure felt like. He sure as hell hoped so.

TWENTY-FIVE

Eli had said the tests would take about two days. He showed up in three. Natalie had set this all in motion. She took responsibility for that. Still, standing on Gabe’s flagstone back patio and looking at the large envelope in Eli’s hand made it all real.

She’d been so practical when she grabbed the evidence and passed it on to Eli and Wade. She solved problems. She found answers. That’s how she operated. She kept secret those things that needed to be hidden for security reasons and uncovered those items that needed to be discovered because the knowing would bring relief.

But that was work, and this was personal. The idea of hurting Gabe made her waver in her convictions. She’d gone back and forth and debated. Doubted whether she should get involved. Tried to let Gabe come to the decision on his own.

He’d opened his home and made it clear she could use his place as a base while she worked her way through the mound of problems facing her. Now the practical side of her took a backseat to the side she didn’t even know she had. The part she kept buried and ignored. The part that was falling in love with Gabe MacIntosh.

Eli glanced at the file then back at her. “Be sure about this, because once you know, once you pass this on, you can’t undo it.”

The choices played in her mind. She waffled, bouncing from one to the other, knowing the results could emotionally destroy Gabe and sensing whatever ripped him apart would now shatter her, too.

Still, she couldn’t shove the truth away. The common sense side of her insisted Gabe needed to know. That in the end Rick wouldn’t give his brother a choice. She half wished Eli would have failed to handle the test, but that wasn’t his style.

She didn’t reach for it. Didn’t even look at it. “You don’t know what it is.”

“It’s a DNA test, which means it’s about to change someone’s life and I don’t think it’s yours.”

Eli got everything else right but the last part. “It might.”

“Meaning?”

This was not her secret to tell. She’d already broken too many unspoken rules without smashing Gabe’s insistence on privacy to pieces. “Not important.”

Eli shifted until his back leaned against the glass and he blocked her view of Andy and Gabe milling around in the kitchen. “Natalie, look. I know we haven’t always agreed on every operation and every maneuver.”

“Did we ever agree on anything?” She remembered yelling and heated debates. Eli had been a good agent but not always a careful one when it came to his own safety. He’d do anything to get the job done, which meant she’d spent more than a few nights worried the man had a death wish. He’d changed, but those memories lingered.

“You sacrificed a lot—everything—for me to be able to live the life I have now. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to repay that.”

The words struck her as the most honest thing she’d ever heard Eli say. He made the vow not just in what he said but with his eyes and tone. “Is this the same Eli who once told me I talked like I had a desk shoved up my ass?”

“That sounds like something I would say.” Eli nodded. “The answer is yes and no. I’m smarter now. Maybe a bit more tactful. I know what it means to be in a position to lose something. I no longer zip through life expecting to die or assuming I know the right answer.”

Wade. She got the message and what Eli was trying to tell her, but the whole sharing-her-worries thing was not her strong suit. “I’m happy for you. Honestly.”

He leaned in a little closer as his voice dropped lower. “And I’m telling you we’re more alike than you want to think, so if the information in this envelope is going to wreck something you’re trying to build then let me take it back with me and shred it.”

“You know what it’s about.” She didn’t have to ask. She knew every inch of his file. His training and skills. Add to that the new layer of personal understanding and Eli put pieces together faster than ever.

“I have a clue who it’s about. At least the adult part, and the photos all over the house of Gabe with a kid hint at the rest.”

She put a hand on his arm. “You can’t tell anyone about the test or Brandon.”

“I don’t know anything about any of it.”

The anxiety welling in her stomach died back down as she dropped her hand. Eli could keep a secret, his and others. “Thanks.”

“Gabe’s a good guy. Ending up with him wouldn’t suck for you.”

She figured that was Eli-speak for saying he knew they were sleeping together and approved. For some reason, having her personal life paraded around still stung. “He’s protecting me.”

Eli scoffed. “Give me some credit.”

With the relationship still new and in limbo—with her not even knowing if what she had with Gabe qualified as a relationship—she switched to the other topic that stayed on her mind all the time now. “How did you do it? Adjust to life after?”

“It’s a bumpy ride and it still backs up on me some days, but you pick a new start and then go. Do not look back or second-guess. Don’t answer the phone when the people you used to work for, the same ones who threatened to wipe you off the planet, come sniffing around for a favor.”

Typical Eli. No stray details but he said enough for her to know exactly what he’d been ignoring the last few months. “You make it sound easy to move forward.”

“It’s not. Not even a little.” He tapped the file against the side of his thigh. “But Bast is speeding the process up for you. He’s been his usual ruthless self in negotiating on your behalf so that you can then make informed decisions about what comes next and feel safe doing it.”

“You mean Bast is threatening people who handle covert op teams for a living.” The idea of Bast using muscle didn’t bother her. She had to hope he covered his safety and the safety of those he cared about as he zigzagged through this dangerous turf.

But the CIA types, her former people? She had no more loyalty to the men in suits. They’d reached a fair deal months ago, one that sucked for her but granted closure, and if someone in the CIA was trying to tiptoe around it she hoped Bast slammed him for it.

“I think we’re saying the same thing.” Eli smiled for a second then it was gone again. “The point is it looks like the leverage you’re holding is going to work. People are backing off. He still wants you to be vigilant, but he thinks this transition period where you wonder if you will be allowed to move on is almost over.”

“I want to be happy about that.” But that led her right back to the question she kept avoiding. The file and the answer and Gabe. She decided to stall. “So, you and Andy?”

Eli shook his head. “A long time ago.”

But she knew all about it. She’d tracked Eli’s private life back then, slim as it was. That had been part of her job, and she knew he’d left Andy reeling. “Did you clean up your mess?”

“I think I finally did.”

She felt a stab of regret for Andy. Now that her heart was involved with Gabe the complications doubled. Investment and caring only led to confusion as far as she could see. “Then I guess I’m not the only one who will be moving on.”

Eli handed her the file. “That probably depends on what you decide to do with this.”

She took it because Andy and Gabe headed their way. The door opened and they both appeared on the patio. Andy more muted than usual and Gabe looking satisfied and in control. The man sure understood the concept of being the king of his castle and carried it through his broad shoulders.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

When she just stood there not really sure what to say and overwhelmed as usual by Gabe being so close, Eli jumped in. “I gave Natalie a status report. Looks like we almost have a deal that will keep her safe.”

Gabe frowned. “Again. That’s what Bast hoped the last time.”

“There’s that,” Eli admitted. “But when Bast started actually reading from one of the leverage files during the last meeting that seemed to get everyone’s attention. It became much harder for the group at the table to deny the existence of the intel.”

“I like his style.” She’d been grumpy about people stepping in and hiring Gabe, and Bast taking over her case. Those days everything had whipped around her. The loss of control left her dazed and fighting mad. But Bast had followed through on every promise, even the one where he said she’d grow to trust Gabe.

“Soon, your normal life can start.” Eli’s gaze dropped to the file in her hand then back to her face.

She tried to skate right over that. “Right.”

“Andy?” Eli put his hand on the door handle. “Time for the blindfold and—”

Gabe waved him off. “It’s fine. You don’t need the cover to get in and out. You can see where you are.”

The comment shocked her. “Really?”

“I trust Eli.” Gabe didn’t add any flowery words or descriptions. He put it out there and that said he meant it.

“I appreciate that.” Eli shook Gabe’s hand then turned to her again. “You get a message to me if you need me.”

She knew he talked half in code. If she pulled the trigger on the information in the file and her world tilted, Eli would rush in and help. The idea of a safety net in the form of another person never appealed to her. She preferred to handle things on her own. But this was different. This drove to the heart of a very personal matter, and she appreciated everything from his discretion to his support.

She nodded. “I will.”

As she slipped back inside she watched Eli walk next to Andy to the front door with a healthy bit of space between them. At first they didn’t talk then Andy said something that had them both laughing. She didn’t want to know what.

She passed the file from one hand to the other. Leaned against the back of the couch and ran through Eli’s warnings. Backing down from being sure about a course of action was not really in her skill set. She knew how to assess new facts, but the problem remained. The contents in the file and how she went about securing it could drive Gabe away, and she was desperate to keep him close.

She heard Gabe shut and lock the door behind her. A second later his body pressed against hers, his front to her back, and his mouth went to her hair.

She thought about how much they’d both changed in such a short time. He opened his house to her and now widened his trust circle to include Eli. Big steps for a man who proclaimed to be stuck in his ways and fine with that. “You like Eli. Admit it.”

“He apologized to Andy.”

It made sense Gabe would care about that part. Want to see his brother put back together again. She loved his family loyalty. “How is he?”

“Better.”

She didn’t press because Andy’s private life was just that. But Gabe most definitely counted as her business. “Well, you were very impressive.”

“You know what’s impressive . . .” Gabe’s palm traveled down her stomach to settle on the fly of her jeans.

The man did enjoy sex. He mixed it with talking and sharing. A sort of intimacy she’d never really experienced. So much deeper than the act. “I doubt Andy is even in his car yet.”

“He knows better than to barge into my house. Usually an alarm would trip, but this time he’d face my wrath, which is much worse.” Gabe slipped the file from her clenched fist and balanced it on the back of the couch. Then his fingers slipped through hers.

At the crinkling sound of the paper her gaze went to the still-sealed envelope, abandoned there but sitting so close. “Good, because we should really talk about something.”

His mouth traveled to her ear and his tongue licked around the outer rim. “Getting you naked.”

“Before that.” Because if he kept touching her, all that would matter would be touching him back.

“Kissing your neck.”

“Gabe . . . I . . .” She let her head fall back against his shoulder as his tongue tickled her sensitive skin. “Man, that feels good.”

With a flick of two fingers he opened the top button of her jeans. “It’s only the start.”