Текст книги "Shiver : 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror"
Автор книги: Belle Aurora
Соавторы: Penny Reid,Ruth Clampett
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 35 (всего у книги 39 страниц)
Chapter Three
When we got back into the courtroom, Mr. Brenner informed me that an agent from the Immigration and Naturalization Service had finally shown up, and that, as an added bonus, he had brought an agent from the Department of Homeland Security with him. He pointed out a bland-looking guy in a blue suit, who stood next to a bland-looking woman a blue suit, who stood next to a stack of papers that they must have brought in with a wheelbarrow. I took a deep breath and the two of us went over to brief Uncle Sam.
“Hello, I’m Matt Brenner, from the Philadelphia District Attorney’s Office. This is Gabrielle Pierce, who represents Mr. Smith.”
“Mike Fisher from INS. This is Susan Brooks from the Department of Homeland Security. We understand you have a foreign national here charged with a crime.”
“I wouldn’t say he’s a foreign national, more an interplanetary visitor.” I smiled.
Mr. Fisher looked at Ms. Brooks. Then both of them looked at Mr. Brenner. I had a feeling they didn’t have much in way of a sense of humor, or possibly a pulse.
“He’s in need of a psychiatric evaluation,” Mr. Brenner explained slowly, in case the words were too big for the Stepford agents, “But apparently, the fact that he claims to be from another planet, is enough to trigger a federal investigation.”
“Well, he’s going to have to fill out some paperwork,” Ms. Brooks offered in a monotone voice. Interestingly, I noted that she actually kind of resembled the paperwork piled next to her, at least in personality.
I decided to give it a try, “Folks, what Mr. Brenner is saying, is that Mr. Smith isn’t really from another planet; he’s mentally ill. He needs to go to a hospital.”
“He’s still going to have to fill out the paperwork,” Mr. Fisher replied and I sighed. Okay, they wanted Captain Kirk to fill out paperwork, that was fine with me. I went off in search of Mr. Smith. I found him in the vending machine room, talking to a beverage dispenser, and I led him back to meet Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber.
When I got back to the courtroom, it was immediately clear that there was some kind of situation going on. A group of deputies were meeting with the Spirit Hunters Team. Burt was gesturing wildly and the rest of them were nodding. I didn’t see Ernie anywhere, though. I led Mr. Smith over to the government think tank, and tracked down Braden to ask him what was going on.
“Is there some sort of crisis in the spirit realm?” I asked.
“Ernie is missing.”
“Missing?” I raised an eyebrow, inquisitively.
“Missing. He went off to retrieve some equipment and he never came back. I’m thinking that maybe he’s with Mr. Marley, who is also still MIA.”
“Oh hey, that reminds me, Edna Manson said something weird.”
“That’s not really surprising. Edna Manson’s pretty weird in general, Gabrielle.”
“Yeah, she is kind of creepy,” I agreed, “but listen to this, she claims that Mr. Marley’s case is just supposed to be administrative, because Mr. Marley died of a heart attack before it could be resolved.”
“What?” he asked turning to look at me. “He was sitting right over there, in the vortex area. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“Wait, it gets better. This fatal heart attack happened in, you guessed it, 1905, in this very courtroom.”
“Yeah, right,” Braden replied skeptically. “What is this a horror movie?”
Suddenly, as if on cue, the lights went out, leaving us in total darkness. There was a second of silence, and the room filled with sounds of chairs scraping and falling over as people started yelling. The lights immediately came back on. Everyone froze and stopped yelling. The lights went back off. They started moving and yelling again. They came back on! Back off! Back on! That happened three more times, until finally everyone just shut up, and they came back on and stayed on, illuminating a bunch of bored, pissed off looking people. At that moment, the courtroom doors flew open and there was a sudden explosion of color. It was Delores Crowley. She was running up the aisle toward the bench.
“He’s here and he wants justice!” she cried, waving her arms like she was trying to land a 747.
“Who wants justice?” Judge Epstein asked with a scowl. There wouldn’t be any justice in her courtroom, dammit.
“The one who died,” Ms. Crowley answered. “I need an empty vessel.”
“Have you met Ms. Brooks and Mr. Fisher from the federal government?” I asked helpfully. Suddenly a blast of cold air came shooting down from the ceiling, blowing their enormous stack of papers all over the courtroom. Coincidence?
“The EMF meter is going off the scale!” one of the Spirit Hunters called out.
“Three point five, three point six, point seven, point eight,” another chimed in, looking at his own little light up box.
“This place is crawling with abnormal energy!” Burt informed us.
“It’s like that every night,” Mr. Brenner noted.
“His soul is disturbed,” Delores went on in a deep raspy voice, her eyes rolling back in her head. I had news for her, that wasn’t all that was disturbed. From somewhere out in the hall, came a horrible sound, not unlike the wail of a Banshee.
“Sid! It’s my Sid! I knew it! He wants justice!” Apparently, Gladys Peterman had not left the building. She came tearing into the courtroom like a bat out of hell, or more accurately, like a bat into hell, in this case I suppose.
“If he wants anything, Gladys, he wants you to shut up already,” her brother-in-law Irv said, coming in after her. “The poor guy can’t even get away from you by dying.” A loud clanging noise sounded from somewhere in the building. I guess Sid agreed.
“I need something to contain it!” Delores cried. “An empty vessel of some sort.” She looked around frantically. A guy who looked like a biker stood up and dumped a bottle of vitamin water onto the floor, handing it over to Delores.
“Fifty dollar fine!” Judge Epstein yelled out with a bang of her gavel.
“Ask Sid if that pervert violated him!” Gladys demanded.
“Tell him it’s about time he got some,” Irv muttered.
“What’s going on in here?” Edna Manson asked, joining the party a bit late … from the jury room? Mr. Bates came out behind her, pulling up his fly. Okay, that was something I really didn’t need to see. I glanced at Braden.
“Don’t think about it,” he said grimly.
“There’s a ghost in the room, and he’s pissed off, because somebody screwed him … or didn’t screw him,” a woman who looked like a working girl answered.
“Is it Mr. Marley? If so, I have that case,” Edna said, heading over to the prosecution table and digging through a pile of files. Braden rolled his eyes.
“It’s my Sid!” Gladys insisted.
“How do you know?” Edna shot back. She wasn’t going to let Mr. Marley off the hook just because he died in 1905.
“Because she said that the spirit wanted justice and he was disturbed!” Gladys seethed. A Spirit Hunter approached her with his Light Bright and she swung at him with her purse.
“I think this one might be a demon,” the Spirit Hunter said, ducking just in time.
“You’re just figuring that out now?” Irv Peterman asked.
“Enough of this!” Judge Epstein shouted, banging her gavel so hard that she broke it. “Everybody shut up!” There was silence as we all waited expectantly. “You, in the shit shirt, you first. What’s going on in here?” She glared at Bert malevolently.
He cleared his throat and launched into his explanation. “Well, Judge, my partner Ernie went to retrieve some equipment and seems to have gone missing. Our equipment is indicating that there is paranormal activity going on in this room at the moment.”
“Okay, and you, dressed in the rummage sale, Ms. Crowley, what’s your problem?” she asked Delores.
“I’m hearing voices from beyond demanding justice and I’m prepared to perform an exorcism … for a reasonable fee.”
“Uh huh. And you, Mrs. Peterman, you think this is your husband.”
“It’s because the narcoleptic violated him!”
“But you, Ms. Manson, think it’s a different ghost?”
“Yeah, I think it’s a guy named Marley, who died in 1905. He’s charged with trespassing, and if he doesn’t make an appearance,” she shouted at nobody in particular, “I’m gonna request a bench warrant!”
“I made an appearance two hours ago,” a voice answered from the back of the room. “This place moves like a glacier.” Everyone turned to look at Mr. Marley, who had reappeared, or materialized, depending on what you believed.
“You’re Marley?” Judge Epstein asked. “And you’re not dead?”
“Yeah, I’m Marley, and I’m as alive as he is,” he said glancing over at Mr. Fisher from the INS. We all took a second to try to figure out what that meant.
“Your Honor, we straightened out that trespassing case,” the judge’s clerk said, coming in through a side door. “The 1905 case was Commonwealth vs. Morely. This is Commonwealth vs. Marley,” he said laying a file on her bench and looking up. He seemed a bit perplexed at what exactly was going on.
“So, it looks like Mr. Marley is among the living. Does the Commonwealth have an offer?” Judge Epstein asked Ms. Manson with a smile.
“Yeah, we’ll come up with something,” Edna replied, looking disappointed.
“Your Honor, I apologize for the problems with the power,” another voice announced from the back of courtroom. Once again, everyone turned to look. It was Ernie, looking sheepish.
“You were responsible for that?”
“Uh, yeah,” he shuffled his feet. “I got a little carried away with the EMF meter. Wound up causing an electrical surge so powerful I knocked myself out for a few. All better now, though.”
“So, nobody is missing. Nobody is dead. And there’s an explanation for why the lights went out and the air conditioner went wild.” She tossed her broken gavel down on her bench.
“I still think there’s paranormal activity here,” Ernie answered.
“Me too!” Delores agreed. The two of them gazed at each other and you almost hear the violins and see the little cherubs floating above their heads.
“I still think it’s Sid,” Gladys grumbled.
“Somebody get her out of here so we can wrap this nightmare session up,” Judge Epstein grumbled back and a deputy escorted Gladys out of the courtroom. Braden went off to negotiate a plea bargain, for the very much alive, Mr. Marley, and I went over to talk to Mr. Fisher, Ms. Brooks and Mr. Brenner.
“We’ve determined that you’re correct, and Mr. Smith is not actually in the country illegally,” Mr. Fisher informed us.
“There are some people from Mental Health who are coming to pick him up,” Ms. Brooks added. “It seems that our work here is done.”
“Thanks.” I smiled. The two federal employees gathered their things and left.
“Happy Halloween, Mrs. Pierce,” Mr. Brenner said, turning to leave.
“Happy Halloween!” I called after him.
A half an hour later, Braden and I finally walked wearily out of the front doors of the criminal courts building and headed for our car. It was too late for Jess’s party, but we were exhausted anyway.
“So, that was definitely an interesting experience,” I said to my husband.
“Yeah, no more Night Court.” He stopped walking and stood staring at something in the sky. I followed his gaze.
“What is that?” I asked, puzzled by the cigar-shaped object with the blinking lights. Suddenly, with what looked like a burst of energy, it disappeared.
“It’s gone. I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
“You don’t suppose …” The two of us looked at each other.
“Nah, couldn’t be,” he answered and we walked on hand in hand. We had bigger things to think about anyway, like the baby we were planning to make.
The End
Get a FREE download of a USA Today Bestselling short story, news about upcoming releases and sales, exclusive teasers and excerpts from not-yet-released works, and lots of other fun stuff, by subscribing to The Docket, N.M. Silber’s once per month newsletter at this link: Get on The Docket
About The Author
N.M. Silber is an attorney, turned full-time author, who survived the Philadelphia criminal court system, largely by having a sarcastic sense of humor. She used her experiences there as a starting place to build her humorous cast of characters and sexy story lines, and she uses her knowledge of legal practice, courtroom procedure, and how lawyers really think, in every one of her novels.
She has been a USA Today Bestselling author and #1 Bestselling author in Romantic Comedy on Amazon. She was voted an Amazon Reader's Choice Best New Author for 2013, and has been ranked as a Top 100 author there overall. She has stated that her goal is to write books that make readers laugh, blush, swoon, and genuinely feel good.
She is represented by Kimberly Brower of Rebecca Friedman Literary Agency.
Connect with N.M. Silber
Website: http://www.nmsilber.com/
WordPress: http://nmsilber.wordpress.com/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7094314.N_M_Silber
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/NMSilber
Twitter : https://twitter.com/NMSilber
Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/nmsilber
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzI45WfXW5I9PAlwaggFc8g
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/nmsilberauthor/
The Lawyers in Love Series and Other Works
“N.M. Silber’s Lawyers in Love, make the courtroom … and the bedroom sizzle!” Julia Kent, New York Times Bestselling author
The Law of Attraction (Lawyers in Love 1)
(Now available for only $0.99!)
Top 100 Bestseller on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, Amazon Bestseller in Contemporary Romance, Romantic Comedy and Humor
The Home Court Advantage (Lawyers in Love 2)
Amazon Bestseller in Romantic Comedy, Humor, Satire,
and Humorous Women’s Fiction
Legal Briefs (Lawyers in Love 3)
Top 100 Bestseller on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, Amazon Bestseller in Contemporary Romance, Romantic Comedy, Humor, Satire,
and Humorous Women’s Fiction
Legally Wed (A Lawyers in Love Novella)
Amazon Bestseller in Humor, Humorous Erotica, and Romantic Comedy
The Lawyers in Love, Books 1 & 2 Boxed Set
LOL Volume 1 (Romantic Comedy Anthology)
USA Today Bestseller, Top 20 Bestseller on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, Top 10 Amazon Bestseller in Romance, #1 Amazon Bestseller in Romantic Comedy
One Little Bite
by C.C. Wood
Even the big bad wolf can fall in love
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Copyright Crystal W. Wilson 2014
Chapter One– Ricki
“You’re not wearing that.”
I glanced in the full-length mirror in front of me, my eyes locking onto my friend Donna’s intense stare. “What?”
As though I were a slightly addled nitwit, she stared at me, unblinking, and repeated slowly. “You. Are. Not. Wearing. That.”
I smoothed my hands down the snug bustier that caged my torso in leather and boning. It lifted my already impressive assets to new heights and made me question how corsets ever fell out of fashion to begin with. Then I tried to take a deep breath and understood. No wonder women suffered vapors back in the day, they probably passed out due to oxygen deprivation.
“I’m not sure who exactly you think you are, Donna, but, newsflash, you’re not my mother and I can wear whatever in the hell I want,” I murmured.
“What?”
I turned my head and glared at her over my shoulder. “You heard me.”
She threw her hands up and fell back on the bed. “Fine. Fine! Just don’t come whining to me when one of the werewolves actually does hump your leg like a dog. Those guys can’t control themselves, especially around boobs. I swear their brains must be more canine than human.”
I rolled my eyes. I’d met several werewolves since the day that they helped rescue my friends and me from the clutches of evil vampires. I know, it sounds like a bad movie script, but those fuckers planned to chop us up and send us back to Donna and Conner piece by piece. It didn’t seem much like a B movie at the time.
Anyway, all the werewolves I’d met were great. Sure, they were usually a little more aggressive than the average guy, but, if I was being completely honest, it gave me a tingle in all my naughty places.
“Donna, just shut up and tell me if I look wenchy enough,” I said, turning around with my arms held out.
Under my leather bustier, I wore a sheer white shirt with billowing sleeves, tight breeches, and knee high boots. My hair was styled in a wild tangle of curls. All I needed now was my low-riding leather belt that held a scabbard for my cutlass. I was supposed to be a pirate wench, a la Cutthroat Island. I loved Geena Davis’ character in that movie. I also liked the saucy feeling the outfit gave me.
Donna looked me over, sighed, and rolled to her feet. “If you looked any more wenchy, I’d have to lock you up to keep you out of trouble.” Face serious, she walked over to me and rested her hands on my shoulders. “Look, I want you to have fun tonight, but you need to be careful who you flirt with. Everyone that was invited tonight is a friend and will be nice to you, but the dynamic among the species is different here. Flirtation can be misconstrued.” She paused. “Also, I’m serious, watch out for the wolves. They will literally screw anything that moves. I’ve seen them hook up with two, three, even four women at these parties.”
I nodded. I wasn’t here to flirt. Okay, maybe a little. I honestly wasn’t interested in dating a werewolf because their attitude toward monogamy sounded a little too much like my dad’s and my ex’s, but I wasn’t averse to a mild, casual flirtation with a vampire. Maybe even a kiss or two that would make me weak in the knees. Even though I was twenty-eight, I wasn’t exactly ready to settle down, especially with someone who’s dick was like a divining rod for easy pussy.
“I understand,” I said. “Don’t hook up with werewolves. I’ll write that on my hand so I don’t forget, Mama Donna. Hey, that rhymes!”
Donna ignored the comment and studied me closely, the expression on her face skeptical.
“I understand!” I repeated.
She shook her head and replied, “Just call my name when things go wrong and I’ll ride to the rescue.”
I glared at her, not appreciating her lack of faith in me, even if she did have a point. “Whatever.”
I was saved from further conversation by the peal of the doorbell. Donna released me and headed out of the bedroom. Before she walked out the door, she turned and pointed a finger at me. “Best behavior, got it?”
Without waiting for my response, she whirled and headed down the hall. Unable to resist, I made a face at the open door.
Donna’s voice floated into the room from the hallway. “I know what you just did!”
Groaning, I grabbed my belt and scabbard from the bed and cinched it around my hips. After one last quick check in the mirror, I hurried out of the room. I’d come over early to help Donna with the set up. Conner had a party planner he preferred to use, but I knew that Donna wasn’t overly fond of the woman’s flirty and aggressive attitude. As a result, the party had been planned by my friend. I helped her as much as possible, but Donna was a bit of a control freak and it was difficult for her to loosen her grip.
Satisfied that I looked okay, I picked up the cutlass from the bed and slid it into the sheath hanging from my belt. Then I walked downstairs to help Donna finish setting up for the party.
* * *
Two hours later, the party was heading into full swing. Donna had released me from hostess duties and Conner had dragged her out onto the dance floor of the ballroom. I snaked my way through the crowd to the bar and ordered a vodka tonic. Donna insisted that all her friends either stay the night or use a car service to get home. I’d opted for a car service. I drove my ancient compact over this afternoon and Donna promised she would have one of Conner’s lackeys bring it by the next day so I could drink and enjoy myself.
Though I loved spending time with my girlfriends, I could not handle all the loud sex that seemed to occur on a regular basis at Donna’s. There was some things I didn’t need to know about my bestie and the fact that she was a screamer was one of them. I really didn’t want to know that, much less experience it.
I saw Shannon standing at the bar, deep in conversation with a tall, handsome vampire with jet black hair and Native American features. He was dressed in black and had an earbud in one ear. I realized he was one of the vamps on security duty. Since Shannon worked in administration for a personal security company, I figured they were talking business.
She glanced at me as I slid by and I winked at her. Shannon didn’t even pause, merely gave me a finger wave, and continued to talk to the vampire who seemed to be completely enthralled with her. It seemed even vampires weren’t immune to her good looks and general badassery.
Shaking my head, I sipped my drink and watched a group of handsome men diversely dressed in everything from sharp suits to ragged jeans and I decided that I should introduce myself. Ignoring the echo of Donna’s overprotective spiel in my mind, I squared my shoulders and moved toward them. As I strolled across the room, I felt as though I were being watched. Surreptitiously, I glanced around.
At first, I didn’t see anyone openly staring, but, on my second sweep of the crowd, my eyes were caught by two brilliant green gems shimmering in the shadows. I blinked several times, wondering how I hadn’t noticed a jeweled statue in the ballroom before. The crowd between us shifted, parting slightly, and I realized I wasn’t staring at a statue, but at a flesh and blood man with the most incredible eyes I had ever seen. That was saying something, considering Conner had a pair of blue eyes that seemed to see straight into your soul and his friend Finn’s eyes were such a deep purple you could barely stand to meet his gaze. Was it vampire law that they could only change gorgeous men with unearthly eyes? If so, I definitely approved.
I sucked in a shaky breath as my eyes ran down the man’s taut, athletic frame. He wasn’t as tall as most of the men in the party, but his very presence seemed to expand, making him seem larger than he truly was. He wore a pair of dark, ragged jeans and a black oxford shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows. While he didn’t seem bulky, I could see the definition in his forearms from twenty feet away.
I swallowed hard and realized my throat was dry as dust. I managed to tear my eyes away from the beautiful man and lift my drink with a shaky hand. After a quick sip, I forced myself not to look back to that corner and continued on my way to the group of gorgeous vampires that were now watching me with blatant appreciation.
I was here for some fun and maybe a little flirting. One look into those intense green eyes and I knew that anything I might have with that beautiful man wouldn’t be fun or light. It would be intense, overwhelming, and likely rough. Those things sounded very appealing, except for the fact that he was almost certainly not human and I knew I wasn’t ready for a ride that wild.
Unable to stop myself, I quickly glanced back toward where I’d seen the man. When I saw the corner was empty, I forced my body to relax and told myself I wasn’t disappointed in the least that he was gone. I figured I’d believe it by midnight if I kept repeating it to myself.
