Текст книги "Fear Us"

Автор книги: B. B. Reid

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“When have I ever lied to you? I may have kept my shit from you, but when you found out, I never lied so why would I lie now? I’m not looking for a future with you. I haven’t touched a single fucking woman in four years.”

So many emotions assaulted me at once. I swallowed the weight of it down, but it just kept coming back up until I puked my guts all over the floor. My dry sobs caused me to lose focus, and because of my spotty vision, I never saw him move, but I felt his hands lifting me.

“For fuck sake, Shelly. Breathe!”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

KEENAN

I DON’T THINK I remember ever being this frightened. Not even when I met Keiran for the first time, or when I felt the first bullet enter my body and threaten to end my life. Not even when I was confined to a hospital to die.

“Shelly, please breathe, baby. Don’t do this to me.”

“Not… dying,” she coughed.

“Then what the hell are you doing to me?” I hadn’t realized I was shouting until her body flinched in my arms.

“Please, stop shouting.” She groaned and leaned against my chest. I briefly wondered how tight I could hold her without crushing her.

I’m losing it.

She possessed the power to drive me insane without doing much at all.

“Were you serious?” she asked after some time had passed. I continued to rub her back, hoping to keep her calm.

“What?”

“I’m your first?”

“Well, not my first. Remember there was—”

“Keenan.”

“Yes, you were my first and my last.”

“Why?”

I blew out heavily and thought about the last four years. “I got the urges, but I couldn’t do the deed. I don’t know why.”

“So you could be faithful to me when we’re not committed, but not when we were together?”

“What do you want me to say? Give me the right words and I’ll say them.”

“It doesn’t matter, and it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked. Now, if you don’t mind, the smell of my puke makes me want to puke all over again.”

She slid from my arms, and I let her because I didn’t know what else to do.

“Where is the bathroom?”

I pointed to my office, and while she was gone, I gathered some cleaning supplies and cleaned up the mess. Once the floor was spotless again, I went to check on her.

I found her standing frozen at the entrance of the bathroom. Her hand was held tight over her mouth as tears streamed down her face. I stood confused and followed the direction of her gaze until my own landed on the sketch of her that took up most of the right wall. It was in clear sight of the bathroom and would have been the first thing she saw when she came out.

My eyes closed with regret over my screw up. She was never supposed to see that.

I cleared my throat, but that proved to be another mistake. The lost look in her eyes fucking broke me.

“Keenan… what is this?”

Didn’t she remember? She’d seen the sketch before. I woke her up to show her that night. It was when I found out how much of a grumpy sleeper she was.

“You know what it is.”

“It’s much bigger and it’s here. Why?”

“Why not? I drew it. It’s a good picture.”

“Don’t do this, Keenan. Tell me why.”

“My goal was to hate you and never remember why I ever loved you. Looking at the sketch helped. It reminded me how you took away the one person who ever wanted me and the first love I ever felt was real.”

“Keenan, please try to understand… you hurt me so much. Every time you were with them, I ached.”

“Well, then you should feel satisfied. You paid me back in full.”

* * * * *

The dim club lights and pounding music from all sides were exactly what I needed to hide in plain sight. Drinks came and went from shameless female suitors. Many I had no clue where they came from, but I didn’t want to care. I wanted to lose myself to the feeling of being wrong. The club was part dance and part sex with everything in between.

Everything goes.

Even murder.

I had my arm around the nearest brunette. I avoided blondes and anything that reminded me of the traitorous bitch who plagued my every thought.

After taking Sheldon back to my apartment and locking her in my bedroom again, I avoided her and as soon as night fell, I fled.

“Baby, you’re so tense,” the brunette cooed. Her hand trailed up my thigh and stopped just below my dick. “How about a blowjob?”

Four years ago, I would have found that type of slutty behavior appealing and dived right in. Now I only wondered why the fuck I ever looked her way.

Her long nails played with my zipper, and when I gave her a nod of approval, she lowered it and stuck her hand inside. When her fingers wrapped around my cock, I felt my skin crawl. I ignored her and sipped from my drink as she worked to make my dick hard.

Maybe I had whiskey dick.

Or maybe I wanted Sheldon.

Fuck it. I can’t have her anyway.

She made it pretty clear.

A part of me nagged to just let her go again, but knew it would be impossible to let her go and stay away this time. How could I, knowing she had my kid?

Shit. Kennedy.

I looked down at the woman who was still working to get me hard. “Enough.”

I checked the time and high tailed it out of the club, hoping I could catch her before bedtime.

The city was alive with people looking to have a good time to close out the weekend. Thirty minutes later, I was walking through the front door. I found Di and Kennedy camped out in the living room watching Jaws and eating ice cream.

“Seriously, Di?” She nearly jumped out her skin at the sound of my voice.

“Keenan!” Kennedy ran to me with her face covered in chocolate syrup. I caught her just in time and lifted her in my arms. “How are you, princess?”

“Fine. Where’s mama?”

Guilt over my lie returned full force, and I felt like an even bigger ass. Keeping them apart had officially topped the list of worst things I’d ever done. I may have been angry over missing three years of Kennedy’s life, but I knew Sheldon hadn’t purposely kept me away. I made that mistake alone by leaving.

“She’s waiting to tuck you in so I came to get you.”

“Really?” Di asked, earning my glare. “Look who grew a conscience.”

“Stay out of it.”

“I can’t. There’s no one else to tell you when you’re being a dick… and by the way, if that wasn’t clear, you’re being a dick.”

“What’s that?” Kennedy asked.

“Princess, go sit in the living room while I talk to Di.” She ran off, and as soon as she was out of sight, Di started to back toward the front door. “Don’t even think about it. You and I need to talk.”

“Really?” she squealed and feigned ignorance. “About that?”

“First, why is my kid watching Jaws and eating ice cream this late at night. Speaking of late, why isn’t she in bed?”

“Whoa, super dad. Calm down. I think the better question is why doesn’t she know she’s your kid?”

“It’s complicated. Now answer the question.”

“You had me help you basically kidnap them by setting up all these locks so you could ‘stake your claim’ and now you’re chickening out?”

“It isn’t kidnapping, and it didn’t go as planned, but it doesn’t matter because they are here now.”

“It didn’t go as planned because it shouldn’t have ever happened. I’m just glad you came to your senses… sort of.”

“Why did you rat me out to my brother?”

“Because you were homesick, and I knew he wouldn’t hurt you no matter how many times he may have fantasized about it over the years.”

“That isn’t a reason.”

“Would I knowing about Kennedy be a reason?”

“Come again?”

She took a deep breath and released it slowly. “He told me when he cornered me. At first, I thought it was a trick to get me to tell him what he wanted to know, but then I realized it was Keiran. He would have just tortured me.”

“So how did he convince you that she was real?”

“He showed me a picture of her. She looks just like you, which is kind of a shame. I always wanted to know if those Maury shows were created with real material or staged.”

“Di.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“What are friends for?” she grinned smugly.

“You fucking annoy me.”

“And you’re a slut.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

SHELDON

I’D BROKEN FREE. Back at the shop, I snagged a couple of bobby pins and didn’t allow myself to wonder how they’d gotten there. Thanks to boredom and YouTube, I figured out a long time ago how to pick a lock. Once I was free, I tiptoed out of the room and listened for any sign of Keenan. When I realized he wasn’t in the apartment, I made a mad dash for the phone I spotted downstairs.

I tore the receiver from the counter and dialed Dash. When he didn’t answer, I tried Lake, who answered almost immediately. “Sheldon! I’m so glad you called. I was getting ready to form a search party for you and a lynch mob for Keenan’s head.”

“So why didn’t you?” I asked bitterly. It was all I could do not to scream into the receiver. I had been locked away in some undisclosed location for the past twenty-four or so hours, and Lake, one of my best friends, pretended as if I had just come back from some vacation.

“Well, I didn’t want to disturb your romantic alone time.”

“Come again?”

“Don’t be so stingy with the details, girl. Spill.”

“Lake… what the hell are you talking about?” I was yelling into the phone, clutching it with a grip more suffocating than death. “Scratch that. Where is Kennedy?”

“I thought Kennedy was with you guys. Are you okay?”

“No. I’m not okay. Keenan—”

“Mommy?”

I whirled around and almost tripped over my feet at the sound of my sweet little angel’s voice. “Kennedy?” I could hear Lake calling for me in the background, but I absently hung up and ran the short distance to where Kennedy waited by the door.

“Ken! Oh, my God.” I kissed her all over her face and completely ignored the fact that I could be scaring her. “Are you okay? Let me look at you.”

“Mommy, I had fun.” She began to fire off everything she’d done, and though I could barely keep up with her babble, I listened because I wanted to know exactly where she’d been. “Di show me sharks.”

Di? Did she say Di?

“Di? You had my daughter around that slut?”

“Watch your mouth around my kid.”

“I think I know how to raise my own daughter. I’m her mother.”

“Then act like it. She needs a bath and it’s late. Do it before I change my mind.”

As much as I wanted to argue, he was right. It was almost midnight, and I was surprised she was still up and wide-awake. I could also smell the beach on her. He walked past me and shed his linen jacket that matched the pants he wore. I tried not to salivate over how suave he looked. It was a far cry from the jeans and tees he normally wore. He looked every bit of the man he’d grown to be and even older than his twenty-two years.

I ran a bath for Kennedy. Before long, her eyes were drifting close so I dressed her for bed. By the time, I had her nightie on her Keenan had entered and took a seat on the edge of the tub while I brushed Kennedy’s hair. Her head rested against my chest, but when Keenan entered, she began to fight sleep.

Could she already be attached to him? If she was, then I knew it was too late. How could I rip them apart now?

“Why did Lake think we were spending alone time together?”

“Because that’s what I told them.”

“And they just believed you?” I felt as if I was sold to the highest bidder.

“I told you… they want us back together… even if we don’t.”

“They are being ridiculous.”

His eyes narrowed and his hands clenched at my statement. Kennedy seemed to sense the change in her father because she lifted her head to stare at him. He noticed and snapped out of it immediately, and I couldn’t help but smirk. “I’m going to put our daughter to bed. I want you to wait for me in the bedroom.”

“Keenan, I don’t think this is a good idea. Maybe I should sleep with Kennedy.”

He drew me close with a light hand around my neck and growled against my lips. “Go. Now.”

I met my daughter’s eyes, which were nearly shut from fatigue but still very much aware. Fighting with Keenan in front of her when he was still very new to her would only scare her.

I cleaned up the bathroom and made for the bedroom where I took a shower in the master bath. By the time I finished, Keenan was waiting for me on the bed. He’d shed his shirt and shoes and the sight of him shirtless and barefoot stirred unwanted lust. The tattoos covering his upper body contrasted greatly with the dress pants.

“You can stop drooling now.”

I snapped my mouth shut and swallowed the moisture that had formed from the sight of him. “I wasn’t drooling.”

“If you say so.” He smirked. “Here. I want you to wear this.” He extended a slip of sheer fabric, and reluctantly, I took it and held it up for inspection.

“I think I will be a little over prepared to sleep, don’t you think?”

“You can sleep naked if you want.”

“Why can’t I wear the pajamas I brought with me?”

Instead of answering, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me between his legs and then plucked the lingerie from my hands. The towel was peeled from my body, dropping carelessly to the floor, and just as quickly, I was wearing the gown.

“Will you always need to have your way?”

“I’m afraid so.” He stood to his feet, towering over me. “I’m going to shower, but I’ll be back for you.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise.” He startled me by kissing my nose softly and then disappeared into the bathroom.

What the fuck?

I all but ran out the room feeling confused and on edge. Why had he changed his mind about Kennedy? Why was he being gentle and almost likable? A part of me hoped it was real while the other feared it was just another mind game.

I entered the bedroom where Kennedy was fast asleep and watched her chest rise and fall for the longest time. With each breath she took, my heart felt lighter. She was safe. She was home. We had each other.

“We have to tell her soon.” My head turned toward the door where Keenan stood, his hair and body both dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. “You’re drooling again.”

“Your dick is practically making a tent in that towel.”

“There is nothing practical about my dick, baby.”

“Why are you sweet talking me?”

“Would you rather I threaten and yell at you?”

“At least it would be real.”

“Then let me show you what real feels like,” he gritted as his eyes darkened to pitch black. I suddenly regretted what I’d said. It scared me how quickly he could change. “Let’s go.”

He turned away, assuming I would follow.

I did.

And I cursed myself the entire way to his bedroom.

He took a seat on the edge of the large bed and crooked his finger.

Stupid me followed.

“Face the wall.”

I did as I was told though my brain sent my body the command to run.

You can do this.

No matter how much he hated me, I had to remember that somewhere deep inside he was still Keenan. My Keenan. The Keenan who always had a ready joke and a loving touch.

Only… at this moment, here, together, he wasn’t my Keenan. He was my ruination.

I heard him move but somehow knew that turning around would be a mistake. The room filled with the slow and sexy croon of a man who sung about a lost love replaced with hate and sex.

“Dance for me.”

At his command, my hips began to sway. The sheer fabric he ordered me to wear did nothing to hide the curves I earned from my pregnancy. His eyes just before I turned as they scanned my exposed body told me he appreciated.

“Your ass is even more beautiful than I remember. And your tits…” His groan was low but perfectly audible. “You’re a woman now.” His warm breath whispered over my skin, heating me up, but at the same time, raising chill bumps. I never even heard him move. “Did my child do this to you?”

“What do you think?”

“I think you’re sexier than ever. Perfect even.”

His hand came between my thighs and slid up until his fingertips rested just underneath the flimsy nightgown.

“Perfect?” I could barely manage to speak the word when his fingers briefly strummed my sex before moving away as if it never happened.

“Perfect,” he repeated. “It’s too bad really.” A kiss on my shoulder left me needing more than just a promising threat.

“Why is that?”

“Because you won’t be when I’m through with you. I’m going to be the devil you made of me.”

“Maybe you were always this person, and the guy I fell in love with was the façade.”

He turned me around to face him with his hands on my hips. “Congratulations, Shelly. You’re finally thinking with your head.”

He pushed me back onto the bed and crawled on top of me. “It’s too bad your head isn’t needed for what I’m about to do to you.”

“I never said I wanted to fuck you.”

“You didn’t have to. Your body tells me everything I need to know.” He trailed his hand up my thigh and rested it just where my thigh met my sex. “Your pussy doesn’t lie either. I can feel all this heat between us right… here.” He trailed a finger down my sex and my traitorous body quivered.

“Because you don’t play fair.” I pushed the towel from his hips and he yanked the gown over my head. My hand immediately gripped his cock and guided him inside me.

“I never claimed to,” he groaned when he was seated fully.

“Then what do we do now?”

“We fuck.” His lips met mine at the same time he began to move inside me. My legs wrapped tighter around his waist, and I pulled him into me. His dark gaze pinned me to the bed just before his hands did. “Only I control this fuck, baby, so let go and let me.”

I had to grab onto his hips to handle the harsh but slow possession of his body. It was the same song and dance every time I gave into him. It was me fighting not to let him see how much I craved the surrender.

* * * * *

He rolled onto his back, taking me with him, and stared up at the ceiling. My limbs felt like rubber and my entire body ached from overuse including the forbidden parts.

Keenan had explored me thoroughly throughout the night. My mouth and ass had taken the brunt of his lust.

“Why did you change your mind?” I whispered into the dark.

“About?”

“Taking Kennedy away from me.”

“I never took her away from you, and even if I had, nothing’s changed, Shelly. I’m still the bad guy.”

“Protecting yourself doesn’t have to mean hurting others. You don’t have to be that cruel.”

“You want to know about cruelty? There is nothing worse than being in love with someone you want to hate.”

“What are you saying?”

“I think you know.”

I did, but some things were better left in the dark. I definitely didn’t want to believe it.

We each gave in to our private thoughts. The rise and fall of his chest was starting to lure me to sleep until my mind began screaming for me to ask the question that still stood between the two of us.

“Why did you fuck her?”

He was silent for so long I thought he might have fallen asleep until his heavy sigh told me he wasn’t. “Because I would have lost you either way. At least the way I chose I knew I could have a chance at keeping you and you would be okay.”

“What do you mean you would have lost me? Where would I have gone?”

“Let it go, Shelly.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You don’t have a choice.” I sat up and searched his face, maybe hoping he would give in, but his steely gaze met mine unwaveringly. “Drop. It.”

“One of these days, I’m going to finally accept that you will never stop being a coward.” I moved to my side and faced away from him while fighting back tears.

For the longest time, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of my incessant sniffling until he spoke so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. “You read those text messages but did you understand them?”

What?

“I read enough.” There weren’t many between them, and after four years, I could probably only guess that there were no more than a handful spanning two weeks.

“No, Shelly. You didn’t.”

* * * * *

FOUR YEARS AGO

“Are your parents’ home tonight?” Keenan nuzzled against my neck and groped my ass to lift me into him. We had just finished making out in the driveway

“I don’t know, but Dash could be back any moment.” I giggled.

“No, he won’t. He’s busy chasing Willow’s ass. I don’t blame him either.” I hit him on the chest and considered kneeing him.

“Don’t joke about my friends,” I warned.

“Baby, I was only kidding. You’re the sour apple of my eye.”

“You’re really asking for it tonight, aren’t you?” I meant it as a threat, but the lust in his eyes increased tenfold.

“I’m damn near begging for it, Shelly. Are you going to give it to me?”

“That depends…”

“On?”

“How well you beg.”

“I can beg very well, baby. If you take me inside right now, I can show you just how well I beg with my mouth on your pussy.”

We were upstairs and locked away in my room in sixty seconds flat. We continued to kiss with an intensity I still had not become entirely used to.

“Your lips taste like I’d died and gone to heaven, but your pussy will make me want to die for that little slice of heaven. Turn around, baby, and bend over the bed.”

I did as he instructed without hesitation.

“Lift your skirt and slide your panties to your ankles.” I felt awkward completing his instructions in my current position, but I managed it without embarrassment. “Good girl,” he praised. His voice sounded far away, so I turned my head to find him standing near the far wall, watching me with his ankles and arms crossed.

“Why are you playing with me?”

“I’m admiring. Playing starts now.” He shed his hoodie and shirt and knelt behind me. “Fucking beautiful,” he groaned before his tongue swept my sex.

From that moment, he kept me in a constant state of weeping and shaking as he ate me hungrily. When he finally decided I had enough, he positioned himself on top of my powder blue coverlet and ordered me to ride him.

After three rounds, we finally caught our breath. As I was drifting to sleep, I felt him kiss my nose. I opened my eyes in time to see him slip from the room. As soon as he closed the door, his phone vibrated with a message. I groaned and rolled over, ready for sleep to take me. Five minutes later, his phone continued to vibrate obnoxiously. Thinking it might have been an emergency I grabbed his jeans and fished his phone from his pocket:

Unknown: Why are you ignoring me?

It appeared to be the first messaged that had come through from an unknown number. There were at least five more, each worse and more incriminating than the last:

Unknown: Is your little girlfriend around?

Unknown: She can’t love you like I do.

Unknown: I want more Keenan.

Unknown: How many other boys can say they fucked their chemistry teacher?

Unknown: We have something special. I haven’t stopped thinking about your cock.

The last one was the most confusing of all.

Unknown: I told you… if you want to keep her, you need to see things my way.

I quickly scrolled to the top and read through the messages. Keenan had only responded twice in the two weeks the messages spanned. He had told her their deal was done and the second message read that what had happened was a mistake.

The phone slipped from my hands to the floor, and I followed after it when my knees gave out.

What deal could involve sex with Ms. Felders?

He fucked Ms. Felders.

This wasn’t the first time he had cheated on me, but I never thought we would go this far. I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt his arms around me, pulling me up from the floor. His voice was barely heard over the sound of my heart shattering to bloody broken pieces. If I looked close enough, I might have been able to see it lying at my feet.

He lifted my naked body and gently laid me down on the bed and then quickly looked over me. When he didn’t see physical signs for my current state he asked again, “Why are you crying, Shelly?”

“You said it wouldn’t happen again.” The last of my tears had shed and in their place was anger.

“I’m not following.” Confusion flooded his features as his eyes searched mine.

“Then maybe your phone can bring you up to speed.” I jumped from my bed, retrieved his phone from the floor, and threw it at his bare chest.  “You and the chemistry teacher seem awfully familiar with each other. Is it because you fucked her? The chemistry fucking teacher.”

“Fuck.” He stood from the bed and reached for me, but I backed away. The thought of his hands on me now made my skin crawl. “Sheldon, it was—”

“A mistake? I know. You told her as much after her many messages sent to you just begging for more of your dick.”

“It was only once. I turned her down after that.”

“What should that mean to me? It should have never happened.”

“But it’s not what you think.”

“Is it ever? It wasn’t with Jessica Stanton or Casey Whitmore or Brittany Anderson. How strong do you think I am, Keenan? Or do you just think me that much of a fool? No, don’t answer that. I am a fool, but more than that, I’m done.”

“Don’t do this, Shelly.” He begged and pleaded, but I heard none of it. “Don’t walk away again.”

“Keenan, I’m not walking away. I’m shutting the door. Now please get out.”

“I’m not leaving, Shelly, and neither are you.”

“I can’t be with you anymore, Keenan. I can’t compete with your demons. They consume you. I hate you so much that if you died right now, I wouldn’t even care.”