Текст книги "The Absence of Olivia"
Автор книги: Anie Michaels
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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
Chapter Twelve
Present Day
It was Monday morning and Devon had left the house without saying one word to me. He also went out of his way to leave the house in a way in which he wouldn’t have to walk past me. Which meant he walked through the backyard, opened the back gate, and climbed over the pile of firewood kept at the side of his house in order to go to work without having to see me. It was ridiculous, but most of me was glad he’d gone the extra mile.
I had no idea what I would have said to him if he’d had big enough balls to face me. I was certain, however, that I would more than likely pretend as if nothing had ever happened between us, just like I’d been doing for ten years now.
After I’d snuck back into his house on Friday to get my camera, after I was certain he’d left and the house was empty, I’d spent the weekend in my car, driving until something caught my eye. I’d stopped when I wanted to, photographed my temporary muse, then pack up and move along. I drove all day Saturday until it was dark and my eyes were tired. I stopped at a run-down motel, slept on top of the scratchy covers, and woke up on Sunday ready for another day. I took a different route back home, stopping again whenever I felt like it.
I knew I had to be home in time to get to Devon’s house Monday morning. I knew, even though there were a million other places I’d rather be than there, the kids needed me and my conscience would be shouting at me if I’d abandoned them. Liv asked me to do one thing – to help take care of her family. So, no matter how upset I was with Devon and myself, I would be there for the kids.
The kids hadn’t mentioned anything unusual and didn’t seem like they knew anything was off between Devon and me, so I tried to act as normal as possible.
I was herding both kids toward the door, mentally counting backpacks and lunch boxes, making sure they both had everything they needed for their day. I heard the door open just as I grabbed my purse, but was surprised to hear Jaxy’s voice say, “Hello, there. You must build stuff. Bob the Builder wears the same belt.”
My head snapped toward the door, heart pounding, but then a wave of relief rolled through me when I saw Nate on the other side of the door, tool belt and all.
“I do build stuff. I tear stuff down too.” Nate’s voice was soft and gentle, his words said with a smile. “In fact, I’m here to look at your house where all the water was.”
“You mean the room that flooded? It’s kind of smelly in there,” Jaxy said, scrunching up his nose. “And we’ve had loud fans on all weekend.”
“I’m here to fix that too,” he said, laughing. “Good morning, Evelyn.” His eyes found mine as he spoke, his eyes a little more cautious with me than they were with Jax. “Is now a bad time to take a look at the damage?”
“We’re going to school,” Ruby supplied, her tone a little unfriendly, which caused me to frown.
“We are, actually, headed out the door to get them to school.” I said, a little surprised by my own disappointment. “But,” I said, hoping to stall him, “I could be back in a half hour. Any chance you can come back then?”
A smile spread over his face slowly as he nodded. “Sure. I’ll just go grab a coffee.” He paused then, and I saw indecision sweep across his face. Moments later, it changed to a more hopeful expression. “Can I bring you anything?”
There was no way for him to know that it had been months, possibly years, since someone had asked me if they could do something for me. It shouldn’t have mattered that much, shouldn’t have shifted something inside of me as significantly as it did, but I couldn’t help the emotions his simple question evoked.
“That would be great. Just an iced coffee, please.” My voice was slight and tiny, all I could muster without letting more show in my words than I would have liked.
“Got it. See you in a half hour.” He nodded slightly, then backed away before turning and heading toward the big truck parked at the curb which I assumed was his.
“Let’s go guys,” I said to the kids, urging them through the door.
“Who was that?” Ruby asked.
“The man who’s going to fix your house,” I replied as I shut the door behind me.
“He looked at you funny,” Ruby said with her usual snarky tone.
“He did not.”
“He was cool. I like all his tools,” Jax remarked, doing his typical skip-walk down the path toward the sidewalk. We all turned, heading toward the corner where the bus would pick up Ruby. As we waited, the kids seemed to forget about Nate, talking instead about their exciting plans for summer vacation, which was coming up quickly. I silently wondered what Devon had planned for the summer. I certainly couldn’t spend all day with the kids. Spending the mornings and evenings with them was stretching my abilities as it was. My job was already suffering; I couldn’t stay with the kids full time without giving up my career completely.
I felt the panic rising up, but did my best to tamp it down. Surely, Devon wasn’t expecting me to stay with them. He’d probably already signed them up for daycare or summer camp. I wouldn’t mind continuing the morning and evening routine, but anything more than what I was giving them now would cause a lot of issues. I pushed the stressful thoughts out of my mind, trying not to give in to the urge to overthink and panic.
I kept the radio on as I drove Jax to preschool, trying to keep my mind occupied by the voices of the DJs, or the songs they played. When I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to Devon’s house, my pulse picked up and the blood pumped through me with such force I could hear it in my ears.
I pulled into the driveway, trying not to stare at the attractive man standing on the porch, two coffee cups in his hands, elbows bent, and biceps stretching the cotton of his sleeves beautifully. His skin was tanned, which I imagined was only natural for a man who probably worked outdoors a lot.
His eyes tracked me as I got out of my car and I couldn’t help but notice the way his smile started on one side of his mouth and then spread across widely.
“You’re like a full service contractor, bringing me coffee and everything.” I said the words with mocked confidence, as if I were totally comfortable with attractive men doing nice things for me.
“On my good days, I can be terribly accommodating.”
“Well, thank you,” I said, trying to look him in the eyes, but finding his gaze too intense. I looked away before the blush creeping over my cheeks became too prominent. I put my key in the door and unlocked it, pushing it open and welcoming him in with a sweep of my arm.
He walked past me and held my coffee out, still smiling. “Shall we get a look at your laundry room?”
“Sure,” I said, watching him walk toward the kitchen. I took in a deep breath, tore my gaze from the broadness that was his back, and shut the door. I followed him through the house, noticing he placed his cup on the kitchen counter as he walked by, not stopping on his way to the laundry room. When I came into the laundry room, he was stooped down low touching a portion of the wall near the floor that had been under water.
“The fans did a good job of drying all this out,” he said, not looking away from the wall. “Like I said last week, the work should take a couple of weeks.” At that point his eyes looked up at me as I stood in the doorway. “Do you work from home?”
I was caught a little off guard by his question, trying to find the link between his previous statement and the question he’d asked me, trying to formulate an answer. He must have noticed my confusion and tried to explain.
“Most people work during the day, so they give me a key and I do the work while they’re out of the house. But this was twice now you’ve been home so I assumed…” His voice trailed off and he was obviously looking for me to fill in some of the blanks.
“I don’t live here. This isn’t my house.”
“Not your house?”
“No. This is Devon’s house. He lives here with his children.”
“I guess I kind of figured you were-”
“No.” I was compelled to tell him everything, but also afraid to tell him anything. He was, after all, a stranger. But for some reason, I wanted to tell him who I was, who Devon was, how it came to be that his children were a part of my life.
“Do you think he will be all right giving me a key then?”
I shrugged. Honestly, after their testosterone battle the week before, I wasn’t sure what he’d be okay with. “I can ask him.”
Nate stood, shaking his head, wiping his hands on his jeans. “No, it’s fine. I can ask. He’s the homeowner.” He looked at me, his eyes piercing, brows furrowed. Suddenly, he sighed loudly and ran a hand through his hair. “This is going to be totally inappropriate of me, but I’m really confused, so I’m just going to ask.” He didn’t give me enough time to respond before he asked his question, words spilling quickly from his mouth as if he were afraid he’d lose his nerve. “What are you to him? I mean, what’s your relationship?”
If he’d been anyone else, any other man on the planet, I’d find his question rude and intrusive. I’d tell him it was none of his business. I’d ask him to leave, tell Devon to find another contractor. I’d push him away, along with all the feelings his question brought up. I’d push it down all in an effort to avoid the answer. The answer was – I was nobody. We were nobody to each other. And I’d worked hard for ten years to make it that way. But this was the first time in ten years when I had reason to be glad Devon wasn’t anyone to me.
“Devon was married to my best friend. She died earlier this year. I help him take care of their kids. That’s all.” That’s all. Two words, so full of meaning. That’s all. A dismissive phrase. Words used to indicate unimportance. That’s all. All. Everything. That’s what Devon and his children had been to me since Liv passed. Devon had been my all for years, but standing in his house, looking at the man who was supposed to repair its walls, suddenly my all, my everything, seemed to shift.
“I’m really sorry to hear that,” he said with so much sincerity, all I could do was smile.
“She was a great mom. I’m just here to get them to school on time and be here when they come home. He’s still trying to figure out how to do it all without her.”
“Seems like he’s trying to figure out how to do it all with you.”
I had no words to say to that, so I turned and walked back toward the kitchen. “When do you think you’ll be able to start the work?”
“Not until next week. We have to finish up a project first. But I can order the supplies we need now, that way it’ll all be ready to go.” He paused and I looked back at him, waiting for him to finish, but he looked indecisive. “Never mind,” he said, running his hand through his hair again. I watched as the brown locks slid through his fingers effortlessly. His hair looked soft and I found myself wanting to touch it. “I’ll tell all this to Devon. I probably shouldn’t even be here right now. I thought you lived here.”
“Nope,” I said on a sigh. “But I’m here most mornings, during the week anyway.”
“But you do work, right?”
I laughed a little at his question. “Yeah, but I’m my own boss, so I can work whenever I want to. I’m a photographer.”
His eyes lit up a little with recognition. “I did see a fancy camera on the counter when I was here last time.”
“Yeah. I was taking pictures of the damage for Devon’s insurance.”
“But that’s not what you do for a living, right? Take pictures of water damage?”
“Not usually,” I said, laughing again. “I take all kinds of photos, but right now I make a living doing weddings and events. You know, portraits, family sessions, and stuff like that.” As I spoke, he picked up his coffee cup and leaned back against the counter, as if he were settling in to listen. “But I really enjoy landscape and nature photography, mixing in a little bit of beauty,” I said, putting my coffee down so I could use my hands, finding myself excited to talk about my job and my love of photography. “Like, finding a really beautiful landscape to take pictures and adding a really beautiful model. When I can capture a moment when the model looks like she’s a part of the landscape, man…” I sigh, smiling widely. “There’s nothing better than that.”
“Why don’t you do that instead of weddings?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious.
“Well, the work I do now, people pay me to take the pictures they want. If I were doing the type photography I wanted to for a living, I’d have to take the pictures and then hope people wanted to pay for them.” I shrugged. “Call me crazy, but I’d rather go for the guaranteed paycheck.”
He laughed, and the deep rumble sent every nerve ending in my body singing. I had never considered anyone’s laugh to be sexy before, but I had images of him laughing, his mouth against my neck, the stubble growing on his jaw scraping along my sensitive skin, and I nearly grabbed the edge of the counter to hold myself upright. “Well, that’s a good point,” he said through the tail end of his laughter. “I’d love to see some of your photos.” He lifted his coffee cup and took a sip, staring at me over the edge, and I felt the heat of a blush creep over my neck again, making its way to my cheeks.
“I don’t have any with me, but some are on display at my studio.”
“You have a studio?” He sounded impressed, which caused me to laugh.
“I imagine you have some sort of office or place you do business,” I said, smiling.
“Touché,” he said, laughing again.
“I thought I was the only person in the world who said touché.”
“It’s one of my favorite words,” he replied, taking another sip from his cup. “But I was being serious. I’d really like to see your work.”
His eyes held my gaze for a moment and I could see he was being sincere. It had been a while since someone outside of my paying customers was interested in looking at my photos. “Okay,” I said as I walked to where my purse was sitting. I reached in and took a business card from my wallet. I placed it on the island and slid it across the granite toward him. “The address to my studio is on there. Feel free to stop by any time.”
He reached forward and I didn’t even bother trying to hide the fact that I watched his muscled forearm as his fingers found the card. His eyes were on it, so I took a few more moments to let my eyes wander up and down the contours of his impressive arm. Suddenly, I had wildly vivid images in my head of Nate with no shirt, pounding a hammer, sweat glistening on his skin in the sunlight. And for once, having those images in my mind, feeling a hint of arousal at the sight of him, didn’t cause heavy layers of guilt to rest on my shoulders.
“I’ll be sure to contact Devon about the work that needs to be done.”
His voice snapped me from my daydream and when my gaze flickered back to him, I saw the smug grin on his face. He’d caught me staring and, surprisingly, I wasn’t embarrassed. I felt a wave of entitlement. I was a single woman admiring a man. It hadn’t occurred to me he might be involved. My eyes immediately darted to his ring finger and I let out a small, relieved sigh as I saw it was naked. There also didn’t appear to be a tan line where a wedding ring might have been.
“Okay, sounds good,” I said lamely, still trying to recover from letting myself be unabashedly attracted to someone without wanting to cry afterward.
He smiled that sexy smile that started at one side and swept across his lips entirely as he pulled away from the counter and started walking toward the front door. He walked past me, not stopping, but flipping my business card at me, and said, “I’ll be seeing you soon.”
I swallowed hard, tried to smile, but then succumbed to the roll of shivers sent through me at the sound of his deep and throaty promise to see me again. I didn’t even follow him to the door, which was rude, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I just wanted the entire encounter to wash over me, make me believe that there was something more than the prison I’d been living in for the last ten years.
“I think it would look incredible in an antique frame. You know, something shabby chic.”
Shelby and I were standing in my studio, both looking at an immensely large print of a photograph I’d taken of her in front of a small waterfall a few weeks before. The canvas had come in and I wanted to display it, but I was torn about what kind of frame to use.
“So, white?” I asked, crinkling my nose up, not liking the visual I conjured up in my mind.
“It doesn’t have to be white. But something light. Maybe a very pale mint green.”
I imagined the photo hanging on the wall with a nearly white, mint green frame and I smiled. The hint of green would complement the foliage surrounding Shelby, and the airiness of the hue would lend itself to the almost mystical feeling of the photo.
“You’re a genius,” I said, turning to her and smiling.
She shrugged. “Colors are kind of my thing.”
I laughed and moved to my desk. I pulled open the bottom drawer and then pulled out a giant catalogue from my favorite framer. I could order a frame in the correct size and have it shipped, then mount the photo myself. I sat in the desk chair I’d splurged on. It had been an expensive purchase, but I knew the horror of sitting in an uncomfortable chair while editing photos, and when I opened my own studio, I knew I needed a great chair. It was like sitting on a cloud, only a cloud that had great back support. I loved it. Shelby came to stand behind me, peering over my shoulder at the pages and pages of available frames.
Like two kids in a candy store, we flipped pages, pointing to frames we loved and frames we hated, debating with each other when we didn’t agree. We were so engrossed in our task, neither of us noticed when the door opened, and we both startled at the sound of a deep voice.
“You’re a difficult woman to get ahold of.” The voice was playful and gravelly. Entirely sexy. My eyes snapped toward the door where I saw Nate standing right inside. His frame filled the doorway and my eyes struggled to stay locked on one part of him, roaming over his body, too greedy to focus on one single aspect.
“I’m actually pretty easy to get ahold of. Just a few drinks really…” Shelby said, not missing a single beat. Before I could contain my reaction, I gasped and turned to her, a little mortified that she’d say something so brazen to a complete stranger. I saw the way she was looking at him, her eyes hazy, a lazy but sexy smile on her face. Immediately I was moving.
“Nate, hi,” I said lamely as I stood, walking around my desk. “Wow. You actually came.”
“I said I would. When I say I’m going to do something, I always follow through.”
“Okay,” I said, my voice more breathy than I would have liked, but something about his words had my lungs working overtime. I watched as his eyes left me and started moving around my studio. I looked around, trying to see what he might see, wondering what he would think of my little corner, a studio that meant more to me than brick and mortar should.
“You took all these?” he said as he walked by a wall displaying my work. Usually, I would mentally roll my eyes at this question. Why would I hang someone else’s work in my studio? But when he asked, the question made me nervous, as I desperately needed him to like my photos, to connect with him in that way.
“Yeah.”
He looked at me, with one side of his mouth quirked up, and then looked back to another photo. “They’re amazing.” He stopped as he approached the large print Shelby and I were discussing. He peered down at it and then turned his head to look at me again. “You took this photo?”
I made it all the way around the desk and went to stand next to him, my eyes taking the photo in, wondering again what it might look like to him. “I did. And that’s Shelby in the photo.” I motioned back to Shelby, noticing she was standing behind my desk, still looking at us.
“It looks like something out of a fairy tale,” he remarked, his eyes looking wistful. I turned back to the photo and tilted my head while I contemplated his words. “The way she kind of looks like she’s part of the water, like, rising from it. It’s remarkable.”
Wow. Okay. He got it.
“Thank you,” I managed, turning an obvious and embarrassing shade of red.
“You’re really talented,” he added, facing me.
“It’s a mixture of luck and knowhow.”
“Are you trying to be humble?” he laughed. “It’s cute, but it’s not going to work. You’re really good at what you do. You shouldn’t brush off your abilities like that.”
“Hello there,” I heard from behind us. Turning, I saw Shelby with her hand stretched out toward Nate. “Since Evelyn here is being rude, I’ll introduce myself. I’m Shelby,” she said the words in a playful way, but I could tell she was irritated I’d forgotten about her altogether.
“I’m sorry. Nate, this is Shelby. She’s one of my favorite models and is also a great beautician.”
He smiled a friendly smile as he reached out and shook her hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m Nate.”
“Are you a friend of Evelyn’s?” Shelby asked, not releasing his hand.
His eyes shot to me and his smile changed to something a little sexier. “Something like that,” he replied.
“He is the one doing the work on Devon’s house. He’s fixing all the water damage.”
“Ah ha,” she said slowly, as if an elusive puzzle piece had just fallen into place. But she still didn’t let go of his hand, she just kept slowly shaking it, her eyes narrowed at him. “Are you single?”
“Shelby!”
“What?” she asked innocently, finally letting go of his hand. He didn’t look rattled by her question, but he did look slightly uncomfortable.
“You don’t have to answer her,” I said to him, quickly shaking my head.
“It’s okay,” he said with a nervous laugh. “I don’t mind. I’m not dating anyone right now.”
I tried to hide the wave of excitement that swept through me at his words, but the wave crashed when I heard Shelby’s next question.
“Ever been married?”
“Oh, my God, really?” I cried, now exasperated by her behavior.
“Never been married,” Nate said, now full on laughing, which also sent excitement shooting through me.
“See?” Shelby said, looking at me. “You’ve got something in common. Discuss amongst yourselves.” She snatched her purse from a chair by the door and made her grand exit, leaving Nate and me in an uncomfortable silence. I gave him an apologetic smile, and he turned back to look at the print.
“That was the model in the photo?”
“Yeah, we took that a couple weeks ago.”
“Is that somewhere up the Gorge?”
“Bridal Veil Falls,” I said. “Have you been there?”
“I used to go hiking quite a bit up there.”
“Ah.”
“Do you hike?”
It shouldn’t have, but his question caught me off guard.
“You mean, like, for fun?”
He laughed loudly and for a long time at my completely serious question, but then answered, “Yes, I mean for fun.”
I shrugged. “Not really,” I started, but when I saw his happy expression fade away, looking a little disappointed, I recovered with, “but, I mean, I’ve always wanted to.” A big fat lie.
“Yeah? I haven’t gone in a while, but your pictures make me want to get out there again. Maybe you’d like to go with me?”
“Hiking?” I swallowed down a lump of nervousness. I wasn’t really an outdoorsy type. I liked taking photos outdoors, loved nature, but hadn’t ever purposefully climbed mountains to get the pictures.
“Yeah,” he said through another laugh. “It’s the perfect time of year. Not super cold, but not too hot, either. Come on, it’ll be fun.”
My pulse sped at the thought of spending time alone with him. It exhilarated me even more to think it would be on purpose, instead of both the times I’d seen him at Devon’s house. This would be the two of us, alone, intentionally. I was scared to say yes, but knew it would be a mistake to turn him down. Some part of me, on a very base level, wanted to go with him, to talk to him, to get to know more about him. So I agreed before I could mentally talk myself out of it.
“Sure. Why not?”
“Well, there’s the answer every guy wants to hear when he asks a woman out on a date.” He laughed again then ran a hand through his soft-looking brown hair, not sounding offended, but more like he was teasing me.
“Sorry.” I smiled, and then tried again. “I’d really like to go hiking with you.”
“How about tomorrow? Do you have any plans?”
“I was going to work…”
“So bring your camera, call it work. I’m sure I’d make a great model.” He said it as a joke, but he wasn’t wrong. He would make a fantastic model. For someone else in another life. I don’t think I could look at him objectively if I tried. No, I would lose focus if I tried to work him into a shot. But, he didn’t have a bad idea. I could bring my camera and that might alleviate some of the guilt I would feel taking a day off completely when I really should be working.
“You won’t mind stopping when I find something I want to photograph?”
“Not at all. I think it will be interesting to watch you work.”
“Okay then.” I had a ridiculous smile on my face and he had his sexy gorgeous smile on his, and we just stood there for a moment, staring at each other, smiling. Finally, he broke the trance when his hand came up to rub the stubble growing on his chin.
“Can I pick you up? Around nine?”
“Sure. I’ll probably be working, so if you don’t mind, you can pick me up here.”
“You’ll be working at nine a.m. on a Sunday?”
“Unfortunately.”
“Well, I’ll be here to get you, but you have to promise you’ll take some time tomorrow to relax while we’re out. You can work, but not the whole time.”
“You’ve got a deal.” We both continued to stare at each other, our lips turned up in matching grins, but after a few moments, he broke the silence.
“Well, I guess I better go.”
“Do I need anything specific for tomorrow?”
“Nope. Just some good shoes, a bottle of water, and sunscreen.”
“Okay, I can manage that.”
“Great. I’ll see you at nine.” He ran his hand through his hair again, as if he knew I liked it so much, then pushed the door open and disappeared through it. I watched him leave but then sagged in relief when he was gone. It took a lot of energy to be in a constant state of awareness, to be completely in tune to the fact that your heart was beating quickly, that there was a strange tingling sensation in your belly, to know at all times where your hands were, because all you wanted to do was run them through his soft, brown hair. However, before I could relax for too long the door opened again. Luckily, for my nerves, it was only Shelby.
“That didn’t take long,” she said as she waltzed into the gallery portion of the space.
“What didn’t? And where did you go? I thought you left.”
“I went and sat in my car. I was trying to give you some privacy. I was hoping you two would go at each other after I left. But, judging on how quickly he left after me, I’m guessing nothing exciting happened.”
“Are you for real?”
Shelby raised one perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me. “Evelyn, when is the last time you were with a man?”
I scoffed at her, pretending to be offended by her question when, in reality, I was a little embarrassed. “First of all, that’s none of your business. Second, even if it had been a while, that doesn’t mean I’m just going to throw myself at the first man I’m left alone with.”
“Hey, I’m not trying to offend you. He was obviously here because he’s attracted to you.”
“He was not.”
“Did he ask you out?”
“Maybe.”
“See. He likes you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of here, Evie.” Her tone took on a sympathetic, softer timbre. “It’s okay to be attracted to someone, to be interested in someone. This is the natural progression of life. You need to start living again.”
Her words were meant to be friendly, to help alleviate some of the fears she’d picked up on, but the word living only made me remember Olivia was dead. Those moments, when her loss of life crept up on me, when all of a sudden the loss was so deep and dark, in those moments, I felt as if I were drowning. How do we all just go on? How do I move past her death without leaving her behind? There were so many questions to which the only answer was sadness. The only possible outcome of the questions running through my head was devastation.
“Hey,” Shelby said, moving toward me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Olivia would love for you to find someone to be happy with.”
I knew she was right – mostly. Olivia would have enjoyed watching me date again, would have taken great joy in helping me get ready for a date, listening to me recount the entire date over the phone when it was over, dissecting every detail until we were both crazy with anticipation. Unless, of course, the person I was with was her husband. I shook my head, trying to erase that particular thought from it.
“Sometimes,” I said softly, trying to ignore the pinching in my throat and the stinging in my eyes, “moving on with my life only reminds me that she lost hers.”
Shelby’s hand moved up and down my arm, trying her hardest to make me feel better, but nothing she could say or do would ease that particular pain. I’d been told time would be the ultimate healer, but I was still waiting.
“I’ll be okay,” I said with as much conviction as I could muster. “Let’s go pick out a frame for this beast,” I said, motioning toward the large print.
