Текст книги "Unmistakeable"

Автор книги: Abby Reynolds

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Alaska

Over the next few weeks, I was still pretty reclusive. I didn’t want to do anything. Even photography didn’t catch my attention. I worked with old photos I already had and tried to make them better, but I didn’t take my camera out. Right now, I couldn’t find anything beautiful in the world.

I hadn’t told my sister the truth and I knew I needed to confess. She didn’t like Jace anyway so she would probably be thrilled we were broken up. But she might go bat-shit crazy when I told her what he did. Even though she was my younger sister, she was protective of me. I was the same way with her.

I finally met her for lunch at a taco shop. After she stuffed everything into her mouth then downed all her soda like she’d just spent a month in the desert, she started talking. “What’s new with you?”

That was my opening. “Nothing.”

“Any new pictures?”

“No…I’ve just been working on older stuff.”

“So, do you know any more about the guy from the art show?” She had a twinkle in her eye.

“What guy?”

“Ash—I think that’s his name.”

“My neighbor?”

“Yeah.” Her eyes lit up. “Have you seen him grab the paper in his boxers?”

My face reddened. “You sound like a teenager sometimes.”

“What? He’s hot.”

I never really thought about him in that way, but I couldn’t deny that he was a good-looking guy.

“Is he single?”

“He’s no good for you,” I said immediately.

“What? Why?”

“He’s not the kind of guy who looks for a relationship.”

“Who said I was looking for a relationship?” She smirked.

I hit her arm. “Don’t be gross.”

“He seemed like a nice guy.”

“He is.” I recalled all the sweet things he did for me. “He’s actually a really good guy, one of the best people I know.”

She studied my face. “You have a crush on your neighbor?”

“What? No!”

“Then why are you smiling like that?”

“He’s just helped me get through a tough time…I’ll never forget his kindness.”

“Tough time? What’s going on?”

Now I needed to come clean. My pleasant mood disappeared. “Jace and I broke up over a month ago.”

“Yes!” She clapped her hands in excitement.

I gave her a glare.

“I mean…” She rested her hand on mine. “Are you okay?”

“I’m getting there.”

“I’m glad you finally dumped him. I hate to say it but he wasn’t in love with you anymore. His eyes were always wandering and he never paid attention to you. If you told me he was cheating on you, I wouldn’t be surprised.” She laughed at her own comment then sucked down the rest of her soda.

Now I felt awkward.

She caught the look. “What?”

“Nothing.” I picked at my rice but didn’t eat it.

The sadness filled her eyes. She looked at me like she lost the whole world. The remorse and pain shined bright, and she took a deep breath, steadying her emotions. When she looked at me like that, it made me want to cry. I stayed strong and pretended she hadn’t wounded me. “Alaska, I’m so sorry…” She squeezed my hand and sighed. “I’m such a bitch. I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

“It’s okay,” I said quietly.

Flustered, she ran her fingers through her hair. “How did this happen?”

“Ash caught him. They got into a fight then he came home and told me what happened. Like an idiot, I didn’t believe him and stayed with Jace. But then Ash caught him again and recorded everything…I couldn’t deny the evidence.”

She rested her face in her hands, the shock evident. “That piece of shit.”

“I stayed in my apartment for almost an entire month. Ash made me food and brought me groceries. Then he brought me little surprises every now and then. He really helped me a lot…”

“He sounds like a great guy.”

“He is.”

“What happened with Jace?”

“I ignored his calls for a few weeks until he came to my apartment and tried to break down the door. I returned his belongings then told him to never bother me again. Of course he denied everything, but that just pissed me off even more.”

“Did you cry?”

“No. I acted like I didn’t give a damn.”

“Good…I’m proud of you.”

“Yeah…”

She stared at me, pity in her eyes.

“I feel like I wasted so much time… If he had just broken up with me when he wasn’t happy anymore everything would have been different. I wouldn’t consider the relationship a waste of time. I would remember what he had and think of it in a fondly way. But now…I hate him. I hate myself for saying that but it’s how I feel. I hate him.”

“I hate him too. If I ever see him, I’ll kick him in the nuts.”

“Don’t bother. He isn’t worth your time.”

“Didn’t Ash get a few hits in?”

“Apparently, he slammed his skull with a beer bottle…”

Her eyes widened. “Hot damn, we have a WWF wrestler on our hands.”

I chuckled. “He can get worked up sometimes.”

“This guy has gone over the moon and back for you.”

“No, he’s just a nice guy.”

She snickered. “I think he’s got the hotts for you.”

“When we first met, he hit on me at a bar and asked if I wanted to head back to his place.”

“And you said no?” She looked at me like I was crazy.

“That’s not my style and you know it,” I said. “Instead, we’ve become friends. But he said he wouldn’t mind it if we were fuck buddies too.”

“Then why aren’t you…?”

“Because he’s my friend.”

“Look, you were in a relationship for two years and that ended in flames. You’ve only been with Jace since I can remember. It’s time to live it up, you know what I mean?”

“We’ve only been broken up for a month and a half and you want me to start dating?”

“Who said anything about dating? Just go out and have fun. Sleep around. Make out with a random stranger. Just relax.”

She was always the party animal, not me. But I was at a point in my life where I doubted the purpose of relationships. They seemed to be important during times of financial hardships for women, and when the population needed to grow. But now…what purpose did they serve? People just ended up hurting each other anyway. One out of every two marriages ended in divorce.

“Come on. Go out with me and just let loose. You’re so hot, Alaska. The guys will be giving you the deed to their house just for a date. Believe me. They do it to me all the time.” She winked.

I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I was still in my moping around the house phase. “I’ll think about it.”

“Nope. It’s happening. Deal with it.”

There was no arguing when it came to my sister.

I’d been single for two months. Two months had come and gone and I was still upset. I didn’t miss Jace. The longer we were apart, the more I realized how wrong our relationship was. He didn’t treat me with any respect whatsoever. While I loathed him, I also doubted myself.

Was there something wrong with me? Scotty was in love with Livia. Why couldn’t Jace be in love with me? Was I lacking in some area? Was I not pretty enough? Did I suck in bed? What did I do to deserve this betrayal?

I hated to admit it, but the break up with Jace took a toll on my confidence. I shouldn’t let it affect me but it did. How could he treat me like scum unless I really was scum?

My sister was dragging me out tonight and I was supposed to meet her at the bar in fifteen minutes but I still stood in front of the mirror, trying to figure out what to wear. I decided on a gold dress because it highlighted my skin tone. Gold bangles were on my wrist and I wore black pumps.

But I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was used to wearing my sweatpants all day long. I couldn’t remember the last time I actually tried not to look hideous. The dress was slightly loose around my stomach from the weight I lost during my depression. It was an accidental side effect. I didn’t mean to lose any weight. My chest was already flat as it was.

When I decided that dwelling on my imperfections would just make me later, I grabbed my clutch and stepped out my door.

Ash was outside his door, taking out the garbage. He froze when he saw me. His eyes quickly took me in, starting from my toes and to my face. His eyes were wide like orbs. “You look…where are you going?” He cleared his throat.

I stepped closer to him, feeling wobbly on my heels. “I look ridiculous, huh?” I looked liked a girl that was trying too hard. Loser was written all over my forehead.

“No…” He shook his head. “Definitely not.”

I gripped my clutch as I felt my calves and ass burn from standing in the heels.

“You look…gorgeous.”

“Really?” I looked down at myself again.

“Yeah. A million bucks.”

“Thanks…”

“So, where are you off too?” He left the garbage by the door and came closer to me.

“My sister wants to go out...” I released a sigh while I said it. “She says I shouldn’t stay cooped up forever. And I need to loosen up and not let that asshole ruin my life.”

“I agree. But be careful.”

“I will. I’ll probably stay huddled in a corner while my sister takes to the dance floor.”

He smirked. “Will you be drinking?”

“A little bit to take the edge off.”

“Well, I’m staying in tonight so if you need a ride, just text me.”

“Thanks.” He was always a good friend to me.

“Have a good time.”

“Thanks.” I turned away.

“Alaska?”

“Hmm?” I glanced at him over my shoulder.

“You look damn fine.” He winked at me.

I blushed. “Thanks…” Then I headed down the stairs to my truck.

“That’s all you’re going to drink?” Payton pushed the glass closer to me.

“I’m not a horse.”

She rolled her eyes. “What happened to loosening up?”

“Is loosening up synonymous with being wasted?”

She shrugged. “I think so.”

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

She looked across the bar. “Oooh…look at those two guys.”

I followed her direction. They were cute but I didn’t feel anything. “They’re fine.”

“Fine? No, they are hot. Look at those arms. We should talk to them.”

“Uh…I’m good.”

She glared at me. “If you’re just going to sit here and talk to me, then you aren’t even out. We could have done this at home.”

“How about we take baby steps?”

“Are you not over Jace?”

I was definitely over Jace. “Of course, I am.”

‘Then pick up a new guy.”

For some reason, Ash’s face came into my mind. There was no reason for it, and I couldn’t explain why I reacted that way. “I’m just not ready for that…”

“I didn’t say marry the guy. Just have fun.”

“I don’t know how to have fun…”

“Then I’m going to teach you.”

“How about we just head home and watch TV in our pajamas?”

She gave me the darkest scowl I’d ever seen. “I’m not even going to respond to that.”

Maybe I should have just stayed in tonight. Ash could have made me hot cocoa and had a quiet conversation with me. Wait. That was exactly why Jace betrayed me. I was boring and unremarkable.

Payton waved at the two guys.

“What are you doing?” I hissed. I grabbed her arm and yanked it down.

“Here they come.” She gave them a wide grin then sat beside me.

My heart was beating at a million miles an hour.

One of the guys had blonde hair and blue eyes. His arms were thick like he carried trees for a living, and the other guy was a brunette. They were both six feet tall and easy on the eyes. They whispered to one another while they walked, probably deciding who gets whom.

I was not ready for this…

The brunette moved to me. I guess I was his pick. “Hey.” He pulled his sunglasses over his eyes. “I need to protect my eyes from the sun.” He held his hands out like I was a burning ball of fusion.

“Huh?” I didn’t get it.

He pulled his glasses off. “Your dress. It’s gold.”

“Oh.” Duh. “I get it…” God, I was awkward.

Payton immediately started chatting with the blonde. I knew he was into her because he was leaning close to her, hanging on every word she said.

“I know you’re going to think this is a line, and I don’t really care, but you’re seriously one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. When you guys waved us over, I almost didn’t believe it.”

Most beautiful woman? Yeah, it was a line. But I wasn’t going to be a jerk about it. “Thanks…”

He stared at me hard. “So, what do you do?”

“I’m a photographer.” I guess meeting someone new wasn’t that bad. He seemed nice.

“Cool. What do you photograph?”

“People and places. I do weddings and portraits.”

“Even cooler.” He sat in the stool beside me then scooted it closer to me. The music was loud so conversations were difficult. Or maybe he just wanted to be closer to me. I wasn’t sure. “So, you got a boyfriend?”

My body stiffened at the question. “No.”

“That’s the answer I was hoping to hear.”

I turned to Payton to see if she was just as uncomfortable as I was. Her and the blonde guy were making out like the world was about to end.

He caught my look. “Looks like they’re paired off for the night.”

Damn.

“I’m Kyle, by the way.” He leaned closer to me like he might kiss me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Alaska.”

“Alaska? That’s a very cool name.”

Did he know any other word besides cool? “Thanks…”

He stared at me hard for a moment, his eyes lingering on my lips and my eyes.

I knew what was coming.

He leaned in, going for the kill.

My heart kicked into overdrive. I wasn’t ready for this. I couldn’t make out with a stranger at a bar. It would lead to other things I couldn’t handle. His cologne moved into my nose and my head started to spin. The music was loud, thumping in my ears, but I could still hear my sister’s sighs of pleasure while she practically dry-humped her date.

I pulled away and almost tripped over my chair. “Sorry…I can’t.”

Confusion flooded his face. He watched me like I was a bomb about to go off.

I stormed away from the table, heading for the entrance. I had to push around people just to get through. It was dark and light was limited. The smell of marijuana came into my nose. It felt more like a club than a bar.

I headed past the bar when I spotted someone I recognized. Jace’s tattoo was visible under the dim lights. He stood at the bar while Sarah sat in a stool, her legs open. He stood between them, his face pressed close to hers. With one hand on her ass, he kissed her. Then he pulled away and said something, making them both laugh. Then he kissed her again.

It’d been two months but the sight still bothered me. It wasn’t the fact he was with someone else, the fact he didn’t love me. But it was the fact I wasn’t good enough. Sarah squeezed her knees around his waist and let him grope her openly. She wasn’t shy about what she wanted. Her low-cut shirt showed her obvious cleavage, and Jace stared at it every few seconds, not being discreet about it. She was outgoing, slutty, and lively. No wonder he preferred her over me. I preferred staying at home, hiding from the world. I wanted a quiet conversation over music. I wanted a relationship based on trust and friendship. I never dived head first into anything.

I thought I was living my life the right way, but I clearly wasn’t. My parents didn’t want me and neither did Jace. I needed to change my life, be different. I needed to be fun and outgoing. I wanted to lose myself and be like my sister. I didn’t want to be in pain anymore. I wanted to be reckless without any consequence.

I turned back around and marched to the table.

Kyle was sitting in the same spot, looking bored. Payton and Blondie were still going at it, hard and heavy. I’m sure they’d leave in a minute or two, shacking up at someone’s apartment.

I came back to him then stopped in front of him.

He looked at me, the confusion back.

Okay…now what?

He stared at me, waiting for something to happen.

I took a deep breath then cupped his face. Then I kissed him.

I was drunk off my ass. I had too many glasses to count and my head was starting to spin. I was sitting on Kyle’s lap with my arms hooked around his neck. His erection rubbed against me every time he moved. The alcohol lowered my inhibitions, making me crazier than I’d ever been. We kissed with aggression, sucking each other’s mouths while our tongues rubbed together.

He suddenly pulled away. “You want to get out of here?”

Do it, Alaska. Come on. “Yeah.”

“Awesome.” He finished his beer then grabbed me by the hand. He led me out of the bar. My sister and her date were already gone. Now it was just me and Kyle.

Kyle steered me to the left, but I wanted to go to the right. I wanted to make sure Jace got a glimpse of me. Feeling brave, I put Kyle’s hand on my ass and made him squeeze it.

He smirked. “You’re my kindof woman.”

We marched past Jace and I hoped he saw me leave with some random guy. I didn’t need him. I was doing just fine without him.

We got into his Jeep.

“I have a roommate,” he said. “Your place?”

“Sure. I live alone.”

“Sweet.”

I gave him the address.

“I can’t believe I’m going home with the hottest chick in that bar.” He said it with pride.

“You already got me. You don’t need to feed me lines anymore.”

He gripped my thigh. “It wasn’t a line, baby.”

My mind was sluggish and my movements were slow. I stared out the window while he drove to my apartment. If I were sober, I’d be scared to death. I would think this wasn’t a good idea. But tonight, alcohol was numbing me.

He parked outside then walked with me up the stairs. When we reached the landing, he groped me and kissed me. His erection rubbed against my hip, telling me exactly what he wanted.

We hit the door and he pressed me into it, gripping my thigh while he shoved his tongue into my mouth. I dropped my clutch so I couldn’t get my keys out.

“I want to fuck you so bad,” he said into my ear.

No one had ever said that to me before. I wasn’t sure I liked it. “Are you going to keep kissing me or make good on your word?”

He smirked then grabbed my clutch from the ground, shoving it into my arms. “Get the door open.” The intensity was in his eyes.

When I moved to turn around, he was yanked off of me.

“Get away from her.” Ash gripped him by the throat then shoved him hard to the ground.

“What the fuck?” Kyle cringed when he looked up. “I thought you said you didn’t have a boyfriend?”

“I don’t.” I looked at Ash, unsure what was happening. “What the hell are you doing?”

Ash kept staring at Kyle, the rage on his face. “Leave. Now.”

“Mind your own business, asshole.”

Ash kicked him hard in the side then punched him in the face. “Go or I’ll break your ribs.”

Kyle slowly got to his feet, gripping his side. “Shit…” He headed down the stairs, trying not to fall.

“What’s wrong with you?” I marched to Ash, feeling the anger.

“What’s wrong with me?” He gave me the same look of fury. “You’re picking up guys at bars and fucking them at your apartment? You’re obviously drunk and don’t know what the hell you’re doing.”

“I know perfectly well what I’m doing. It’s my decision to make and I can do what I want.”

“Not on my watch.” He clenched his fists while he stared me down. “You’re too good for this.”

I shoved him hard in the chest, feeling the emotion break the surface. “If I’m too good then why did Jace treat me like shit? Why did my parents leave? I’m not valuable. I’m just like everyone else. And if I want to get drunk and screw some guy I will.”

“No.” That was all he said.

I put my hands on my hips. “What? Are you just mad it isn’t you?”

His eyes narrowed.

“You want to fuck me, don’t you? That’s what you said. You just wanted to get in and get out then move on. Right?”

His body tensed and his shoulders straightened.

“So, come on. Let’s do it. It really doesn’t make a difference if it’s him or you.” I shoved him so hard he slammed into his door. Then I pressed myself against him and kissed him.

Ash’s lips were unresponsive. He remained immobile while I gave him my best moves. He breathed hard, trying to fight it. Then he reciprocated. He kissed me hard, crushing his mouth against mine, and his hands dug into my hair. The longing and desire leaked from his skin and into mine. He was a much better kisser than Kyle. It wasn’t sloppy and wet. It was purposeful and sexy. He sucked my bottom lip then breathed into my mouth.

“Fuck, you’re good at that.” I gripped his face and kissed him harder.

He reached behind him then got the door open. We practically fell into the apartment, but he supported both of us with his strength. He was over a foot taller than me so I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach his lips. After he slammed the door closed, he scooped me up and pulled my legs around his waist. He held me against the door while he kissed me.

I wasn’t nervous. All I knew was that I wanted him, wanting to feel his lips all over my body. I wanted to feel him inside me, stretching me. I didn’t suck in bed. I could prove that I didn’t.

He moved me down the hall and into his bedroom. Then he sat me down and moved on top of me. My legs squeezed his waist, holding him to me. His sheets felt soft underneath me, and my head rested on the pillow. His lips worshipped mine. His tongue made my spine shiver.

I grabbed the hem of his shirt then pulled it up.

He abruptly broke our kiss then grabbed my hand, steadying me. The desire faded from his eyes and he breathed hard, but a change had occurred. Then he pulled away. “I can’t do this…”

I sat up. “Why?”

“It’s wrong.” That was all he said. He didn’t look at me again.

“What? You can sleep with any other girl but you can’t sleep with me?”

“You aren’t just any other girl,” he snapped.

I yanked down the strands of my dress then pulled it off. Other than my underwear, I was naked. “Come on. This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”

Ash wouldn’t look at me.

“Why am I not good enough for you?” I felt the tears form under my eyes.

“No.” His voice was quiet. “It’s the other way around, Alaska.”

I gripped his arm and tried to pull him to me. He wouldn’t budge. “What’s stopping you?”

“You’re drunk.”

“So? All the girls you fuck are usually drunk.”

“You’re different.”

“How?”

“You just are,” he snapped. He yanked his arm away. “The next morning, they regret what they did. They let me use them, and that hurts them, wounds them. I don’t want you to feel that way.”

“I don’t care, Ashe.”

“Well, I do. I don’t want you to regret me. That’s not how I want this to go. If you ever want to sleep with me, I don’t want it to be like this. I want you to look at me and feel something for me. I want you to be sober. I want it to mean something.”

Where was all this coming from?

He stood up, still not looking at me. “I know you’re going through a hard time, but fucking random guys isn’t going to solve your problem. I know Jace hurt you, but don’t change who you are because of it. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, on the inside as well as the outside. You’re the kind of woman I dream about.  You’re perfect in every way. I enjoy your silence as well as your company. I love the fact you care more about quality than quantity. I love the fact that you’re devastatingly beautiful but you’re completely ignorant to it. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, and I will not let you ruin that for one stupid asshole.”

I sat still, unsure what to say.

“I’m sleeping on the couch.” He walked out, still not looking at me, and then shut the door.

I wanted to chase after him, to continue the conversation, but I felt dizzy and uncoordinated. His bed was so comfy and I didn’t want to get up. Vertigo took me and I couldn’t think straight. I lay back on his pillow then felt the sleep descend. Within seconds, I passed out on Ash’s bed.