Текст книги "Unmistakeable"

Автор книги: Abby Reynolds

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Ash

I’d been watching her apartment through my peephole on and off all night. I had to know she got home safely. If she didn’t return by one in the morning, I was going to call her.

When she showed up with some asshole, sucking his face off, I wasn’t pleased. He didn’t give a shit about her. He just wanted to get between her legs and come hard. He wouldn’t call her again. She would just give him something to brag about. She would regret it the next morning, and it would only make her feel worse with every passing day.

So I got rid of him.

But I didn’t expect the next part. She kissed me, slamming me into the door. The instant our lips touched, my breath was pulled out of my lungs. The alcohol was heavy on her breath, but I still loved her taste. I’d wanted to kiss her since the moment I set eyes on her and I was too weak to resist her. I’d fantasized about her, imagined how good it would feel to kiss her.

Even drunk, she met every expectation.

I carried her into my bed, feeling my desire come forth. I’d wanted to get between her legs since our first conversation. I wanted her to moan and scream under me, feeling the same level of pleasure. I wanted to rock her world and make her come hard just before I released.

But then I stopped.

I saved her from an asshole that wanted to use her, and I was about to do the same thing. Alaska had become my friend when I didn’t expect it, and she became something more on the way. As much as I tried to deny my feelings, I knew she was very special to me. I’d sacrifice anything for her. She didn’t even need to ask.

So I couldn’t go through with it. It was damn hard to say no, but I did. The last thing I wanted was to be a regret. I didn’t want to sacrifice the relationship we’d built over the last four months. It wasn’t worth a night of drunken sex. I wanted her, really wanted her, but on different terms.

I couldn’t count the number of drunken girls I picked up at a bar and took advantage of. I fucked them without remorse then never thought about them again. I got off, so I couldn’t care less what happened to them.

But I would never do that with Alaska…because I cared about her.

I slept on the couch but didn’t get much sleep. I kept thinking about the kiss we shared. My body had never been lit up like that. She made me pant and moan with just a simple kiss. It took a lot more to get me hot, but with her, it didn’t require much.

When she stripped off her dress, it took all my restraint not to look. I’d imagined what her naked body looked like countless times. She was all curves and valleys. I wanted to run my tongue alone every groove. I wanted my face to be between her legs, tasting her.

But I stayed strong and looked the other way.

She never would have shed her clothes in front of me if she weren’t drunk. It was wrong to take advantage of her disability. But that didn’t make it easy.

I woke up early and made a pot of coffee. Then I started studying, knowing she wouldn’t wake up for hours. I kept her in my bed so I could keep an eye on her. I didn’t want her to sneak off and do something stupid.

When it was noon, my bedroom door finally opened.

I waited for her to walk down the hallway and appear. When she didn’t make a move, I wondered what she was waiting for.

Then her small feet hit the hard wood floor lightly, coming closer to me. She finally rounded the corner, her dress back on. It was wrinkly and there was a faint beer stain on the front. She didn’t wear her heels, and her hair was a mess. Her makeup was smeared across her face. She had raccoon eyes.

But somehow, inexplicably, she looked beautiful—like always.

I stared at her, waiting for her to speak first.

She rubbed her head as she approached the other side of the table. “I have a migraine…”

She was lucky that was all she had. “Sit down. I’ll get you some Aspirin.” I stood up then pulled a chair out for her.

She eyed it hesitantly before she sat down, pulling her dress down so her thighs wouldn’t be exposed.

I disappeared into the kitchen and fetched everything for her. I made French toast and eggs, and brewed a pot of coffee. And I poured her a glass of orange juice. When I set it before her, she looked like she might faint.

“This looks so good…”

“Then eat it before it gets cold.” I sat back down and returned to studying.

She ate quietly, moving like a sloth. She downed her juice then finished off her coffee. Her plate was spotless by the time she was through. She kept her eyes averted and she remained quiet.

She rubbed her temples then slouched over the table.

“It’ll go away. Give it time.”

“Thank you for breakfast,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome.”

She still didn’t look at me. It was like she was embarrassed to.

“Do you remember what happened last night?” Maybe she didn’t.

“Yes…” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m sorry for my behavior.”

“It’s okay.”

She covered her face sighed. “I guess I just wanted to prove something.”

“To who?”

“I don’t know…myself. I saw Jace at the bar with that girl. I was going to walk away from Kyle but I just got so upset…I made a hasty decision, wanting to make myself feel better.”

“You don’t need to prove anything, Alaska. When a woman doesn’t mind being alone, that’s how you know she’s strong. If you don’t want to go out and sleep with strangers, don’t. That’s not you.”

“But why can’t it be…? Look at you. You’re happy with your life.”

I was happy? “Alaska, I’m miserable.”

“You are?” She finally shifted her eyes to me.

“Yeah.” I swallowed the lump in my throat while I looked at her.

“Why?”

Should I tell her the truth? That I had feelings for her…in a way I never felt before? But she was so fragile. And I didn’t want to put too much pressure on her. Now wasn’t the time. “I’m tired of having meaningless sex. I never get close enough to the fire to be burned, but I’m so far away that I freeze. I want to be warm, even if I have to risk the sting of the flames.”

“Then why don’t you stop?”

She obviously didn’t pay as much attention to me as I did to her. “I haven’t slept with anyone in over two months—almost three.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

She looked at me with new eyes. “What does this mean? You’re going to start dating?”

There’s only one girl I’d like to date. “I’m not sure.”

She rested her chin on her hand. “I feel so stupid now…”

“Why?” What did that mean?

“I just…I was being an idiot. I’m so glad you were there, Ash. I would have gone through with it then loathed myself later.”

I was glad she saw it that way. “What are friends for?”

She focused her gaze on me. Her brown eyes were hypnotic, blinding. “Thank you for being there for me…you’ve been so sweet to me for the past few months. I really appreciate it. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Feeling brave, I grabbed her hand on the table. “You’re welcome. I really care about you, Alaska. I want you to be happy.”

She nodded. “I need to stop moping around and let Jace get to me. I need to move on.”

“But in a better way this time,” I teased.

She chuckled. “Yeah…definitely.”

I didn’t pull my hand away. I didn’t want this connection to end, to sever this feeling. “Have you tried out your new lens?”

“No, not yet.” She sighed. “I need to get back to work.”

“Let’s head to the beach and give it a try.”

“Today?”

I had homework to do, but it didn’t seem important anymore. “Yeah.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“Get ready and we’ll go.”

“Okay.”

I walked her to the front door then waited for her to walk out.

“Ash?”

“Hmm?” I stared down at her, having a strong urge to hold her.

“I’m sorry that I kissed you…threw myself at you.”

I didn’t mind. I enjoyed every second of it. “It’s not a big deal, Alaska.”

“Okay…I just don’t want you to feel awkward around me.”

“I don’t.” I want to kiss you again.

“And…thanks for not sleeping with me.”

That went straight to my heart. I was glad I didn’t give into my desire at the moment. I held back, knowing it was wrong. I wanted to have her, but in a much different way. “Yeah…”

She cupped my face then pressed her lips to my cheek.

My heart burned at the touch. It was so spontaneous, so intimate. It was the only kiss I’d ever received from someone who carried so much weight. Feeling her lips to my skin made my spine shiver. It was a moment I’d never forget.

“Thanks for everything.” Then she turned around and walked into her apartment.

I stood there, still processing the kiss that swept me off my feet.

We headed to Pacific Beach then stood under the pier.

“It’s overcast,” I said. “Will you get any good shots?”

“Actually, overcast weather is the best for lighting.”

I never knew that.

She walked further along the sand until she found a seashell along the shore. She stared at it for a long time before she picked it up and moved it a few times. She positioned it on the side then turned it again. When she was finally satisfied, she stood back and held the camera at different angles. I didn’t realize photography took so much time. Then she snapped a few shots.

“Wow. This lens is awesome.”

I was glad she liked it. It certainly wasn’t cheap.

She came to me then showed me the image. The seashell was crystal clear. The colors were breathtaking and I could see every detail.

“Wow…I can even see the grains of sand along the bottom.”

“This will be perfect for my close up shots.” She walked away, finding something else to photograph.

I didn’t care for photography, and watching her snap pictures all afternoon wasn’t my definition of fun, but I was happy just to be with her. The wind blew through her dark brown hair and pulled it back. She wore jean shorts and a white top with a red jacket. Even when she put no effort into her appearance, she looked amazing.

It was the first time I thought a woman was beautiful. Sexy and hot didn’t suit her. She was so much more to that. Her appearance was highlighted by her intelligence and grace. Everything about her fascinated me. Without sex, I was usually bored, but she kept my mind occupied. I enjoyed talking to her, listening to her speak so passionately about her artwork. She was like a friend that I wanted to have as a lover…but both at the same time.

She came back to me, smiling. “Can I take a picture of you?”

I smirked. “Nah. Don’t waste your film.”

“But you’re so beautiful, Ash.”

“Beautiful?” She said that to me once before.

“Fine. Handsome, sexy, smoldering, delicious…whatever you want.”

“None of those fit.”

“Then what do you prefer?”

I rubbed my chin. “Sexy beast.”

She laughed. “Okay. Can I take a picture of you since you’re such a sexy beast?”

“How about I take a picture of you instead?” I snatched the camera then stepped away.

“No! I take horrible pictures.”

I held the camera up and took a few shots of her.

“Ash, knock it off.”

“Dance for me, darling.” I turned the camera and took a few more shots.

She smiled then chased after me.

I got a few of her running after me until I tripped and fell backwards. I held the camera out so I wouldn’t damage it. She tripped at my feet then fell forward. I set the camera down then caught her before she slammed into my chest. Then I lowered her gently.

Her face was closer to mine and her knee was between my legs. The playful mood suddenly evaporated. The tension settled, making us both uncomfortable. I looked into her eyes, seeing the reflection of the shops and buildings behind me. My hand yearned to grip her around the waist and anchor her to me, and my lips were burning for hers. As much as I wanted to make a move, I didn’t. But judging the way she looked at me, she wanted to as well. I hadn’t stopped thinking about our last kiss since it ended.

“You guys are so cute.” An older woman grabbed the camera from the sand. “Would you like a picture?”

I didn’t respond and neither did Alaska. We were both breathing hard, feeling the attraction between us. I wondered if she wanted me as much as I wanted her. Was she just as affected by that kiss as I was? Or was she just drunk and out of her mind? Did I mean anything to her?

The woman snapped a few pictures of us. We didn’t smile or move. We were both too caught off guard. A random lady just barged in our moment and decided to take a picture…it was a little weird.

“Such a beautiful couple.” She set the camera down then joined her husband a few feet away.

Alaska crawled off of me then grabbed her camera. She cleared her throat and averted her gaze. “I think I have enough pictures today.”

“Yeah…”

Side by side, we walked back to my car. She stared at the ocean while we moved across the sand. And I stared at her, wishing I knew what she was thinking.

“You’re in a weird mood.” Livia sat across from me at the table and Scotty sat beside her. They invited me over for dinner, but I quickly realized they just wanted to interrogate me.

“I’m always in a weird mood.” I ate my bread and kept my eyes on my plate.

“So, is Alaska still cooped up in her apartment?” Livia asked sadly. “That poor girl. I thought about stopping by but I don’t want to intrude.”

“She’s better now. We went to the beach the other day and took pictures with her new lens.” I finished the asparagus on my plate. Scotty was a much better cook than my sister. I had to admit it.

“Good,” Scotty said. “She finally came out of her shell.”

“Yeah…” I thought about her drunken night.

Livia stared at me. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She…had an incident the other night. She picked up a random guy at the bar and took him back to her place.”

“She doesn’t seem like she would do that…” Livia looked concerned.

“She’s not. She was just depressed. I strangled him and threw him down the stairs.”

Scotty eyed me hesitantly. “You’ve become more violent since you met this girl…”

That was the truth.

“What happened?” she asked.

“She…threw herself at me instead.” I remembered the kiss. I wished I could relive it.

“You slept with her?” Livia gripped her knife like she might stab me with it.

“No, of course not.” I eyed the knife just in case she shanked me with it.

Scotty grabbed the knife and put it down. “Let’s not get carried away here…”

She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t going to stab my brother.”

“And I didn’t think your brother would smash a beer bottle on some guy’s head, but he did.” Scotty scooped the mash potatoes into his mouth.

“We didn’t have sex,” I explained. “But we kissed.”

“How was it?” Scotty winked at me.

“Amazing…” There were no other words to describe it. “It was hard to stop.”

“Maybe you should stop sleeping around then.” Livia gave me a pointed stare.

“I haven’t slept with anyone in almost three months.” I pushed the food around my plate.

Livia dropped her silverware on the table and covered her mouth.

At least she didn’t throw it at me.

“Oh my god…”

She stared at me like I just morphed into a gorilla. “You’re so in love with her, Ash.”

Scotty shook his head. “Don’t even try to deny it this time.”

I took a deep breath then released the air from my lungs. I’d been confused since the moment I met her, and the two months where she hid herself away in her apartment made me more confused. But now I didn’t have any doubt about my feelings. I knew what I felt. It was undeniable and true. I used to be scared of it, trying to pretend it wasn’t real, but it was. “I’m not.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Alaska

I stared at the picture I printed out.

Ash was leaning back on his elbows in the sand, and I was leaning over him. A strand of hair was loose from my ear. He stared at my lips while I stared at his eyes. It was one of the best pictures I’d ever seen. It was a candid moment. If I were an unbiased spectator, I would say we were two people in love.

Were we?

I’d known Ash for four months, and in that amount of time he proved he wasn’t exactly what he seemed. While he was blunt and ruthless, he was selfless and caring. He slept with random women and went to medical school just for the cash, but he was always such a wonderful friend to me even when I didn’t deserve it. When I struggled through my break up, he was always there. If he really were a jerk, could he do that? And he didn’t sleep with me. He had the opportunity and he didn’t take it. He said he didn’t want our first time to be that way.

So how did he want it to be?

I hadn’t stopped thinking about the kiss since we had it. Kissing Kyle was fun. There was nothing spectacular about it. It was similar to kissing Jace. There were no fireworks or anything like that, but I always thought that description was overrated.

But when I kissed Ash…it was the Fourth of July.

His kisses were purposeful and timed perfectly. He used his tongue just the right amount, not flooding my mouth with saliva. His lips actually felt mine and didn’t just slide pass them. His hands were just as involved in the embrace. He gripped my hips and crushed me to his body like I couldn’t get close enough. Ever since that moment, I thought about him in a different way. I paid attention to the muscles of his shoulders and chest. His eyes were a pale blue, reminding me of shallow waters in the Caribbean. His jaw was rugged and sharp. I noticed the day he shaved and the days he didn’t. I noticed everything about him.

Did that mean anything?

I guess I never felt anything for him because my first impression of him was so horrid. Plus, I had a boyfriend. But now that I was at a point where I was able to be attracted to other men, I started to notice Ash in a new light.

But I wasn’t ready for another relationship. Honestly, I didn’t know if I would ever want one again. There were too many lies and too much heartbreak. No one should experience what I went through. He didn’t just break my heart. He made me question my worth and the value of everyone in the world. Would I ever really recover from that?

A knock on my door shattered my thoughts. I put the picture down then looked through the peephole. Ash was standing on the other side. My heart fluttered at the sight of his face. Warmth spread through my body and my fingers tingled. My breathing increased.

What was wrong with me?

I answered the door then felt my knees go weak. He was wearing dark jeans and a gray t-shirt. The color brought out his eyes more. His chest was hard and defined. The shirt was loose around his stomach. I remembered the night he kicked out his fuck buddy wearing nothing but his boxers. I didn’t appreciate the sight at the time, but now I appreciated the memory.

“Hey.” He put his hands in his pockets.

“Hi…” I was tongue-tied when I was around him.

“Are you doing anything?”

“No,” I blurted. “Why?” Could he tell how nervous I was?

“I’m going to grab a bite. Would you like to join me?”

“For dinner?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

We never hung out and did things together. Going to the beach to play with my camera was the first time. Was it going to be a regular thing? “Sure.”

He nodded. “Are you ready?”

“Just let me grab my purse.” I turned away and headed to my kitchen. It was sitting on the counter where I left it. Then I returned to him. “I’m ready.”

“Okay.”

We got into his car then drove to the main street.

“What would you like?” he asked.

“I don’t care. Anything is fine.”

“Anything but Chinese, right?” He stared straight ahead and gripped the steering wheel.

How did he know that? “Sorry?”

“You don’t like Chinese food. Isn’t that true?”

“But how do you know that?”

He shrugged. “I heard you say it.”

I couldn’t remember saying that to him, but he actually remembered hearing it. Jace never remembered…

“How about Italian? You can’t go wrong with that, right?”

“No, you can’t.”

He parked the car then came around and opened the door for me. I wasn’t expecting him to do that. I grabbed my purse then stepped out, hearing the door shut behind me. He walked beside me then opened the door for me again.

Jace never did stuff like that.

“Table for two.” Ash kept his back perfectly straight.

I glanced at him, realizing just how tall he was. He was filled out, having muscles in his arms and his legs. His chest was noticeable through his shirt…and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

We were led to the table. Again, Ash did something I didn’t expect. He pulled out my chair for me before he sat in his own.

He really could be a gentleman.

I sat down across from him, feeling my heart move into my throat.

He handed a menu to me before he picked up his own. Then he looked through the selections.

I held my menu but I kept staring at him. Even his forearms were defined. His veins were noticeable and tight against his skin. He barely had any hair on his arms, and it disappeared at his elbow. His hands were large, and they were dry and callused.

My eyes trailed up and I noticed how broad his shoulders were. He sat up straight with perfect posture. His blue eyes scanned the menu, never leaving the print on the page.

God, I needed to stop staring.

Like he could hear me, his eyes flickered to me. “What?”

Shit, he caught me staring at him. “Do you work out?” Someone put a bullet in my head and put me out of my misery. Of all things to say, why did I have to say that? It was pretty obvious what I was thinking about.

He didn’t gloat. “I do Cross Fit.”

“You do?” When did he have time for that?

“I usually go after class.”

“I heard that’s really challenging.”

“But that’s why I like it. It helps my form so I retain it when I’m on my feet all day at the hospital.”

That made sense. “That’s cool.”

“Speaking of the hospital, how’s your grandmother?”

I hadn’t visited her in a long time. Payton took up the mantle because I couldn’t. I asked her not to mention my break up with Jace so she wouldn’t worry about me. I just couldn’t face her. It was impossible to lie to her and say I was fine when I really wasn’t. “She’s doing okay.” She’d been in the hospital for a long time, but the doctors were at a stalemate. Due to her heart condition, they were hesitant to operate, but the clot wasn’t dissolving on it’s own. I didn’t mention this to Ash because I didn’t want to bum him out.

He didn’t press me for further information. “If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”

“Thank you.”

He put his menu down. “What are you getting?”

I hadn’t even looked at the selections. “Tortellini.” It was the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m getting the eggplant parmesan.”

“That sounds good.”

The waitress arrived and took our order. Ash took the lead and ordered for the both of us.

“You really are a gentleman,” I blurted.

He smirked. “Only to women I respect.”

He said that to me once before. I forgot about it until now.

“I tried to be a role model for Livia so she would find a boyfriend who treated her the same way. My dad used to work all the time so he wasn’t around very often. And I think it worked because Scotty treats her just the way I want him to.”

I felt my heart melt at his words. “That’s really sweet.”

He shrugged. “I love my sister.” He pointed a finger at me. “But don’t tell her I said that.”

I zipped my lips. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“Good.”

I was still curious to know what happened to his sister. He mentioned something horrific. But he said he didn’t feel comfortable sharing her secret so I didn’t ask him again.

“I like it when you do your hair like that.” He stared into my face, not hesitating.

Absentmindedly, I felt my hair. It was in a braid over one shoulder. I hated ponytails because it gave me a headache, so this was a good way to keep it out of my face without putting stress on my scalp. “Thanks. I usually do it when I’m too lazy to doll myself up.”

“You look equally beautiful either way.”

I couldn’t believe this was the same guy who blatantly asked me for sex four months ago. He was a different person. He wasn’t sleeping around, he was sweet to me, and he didn’t argue with me anymore. He took care of me when no one else did. He always had my best interest at heart. “You’re my best friend.” I didn’t think before I spoke. It just came out.

His eyes softened slightly but he became guarded once again. “You’re my best friend too.”

I played with my hair, feeling nervous. When he looked at me with those gorgeous eyes, I was paralyzed. I couldn’t think and I couldn’t move.

“You changed my life.” His voice was low, almost at a whisper. “I was a very different man when we met. But after I met you, everything changed. I realized I didn’t want to be what I used to be. I didn’t want to be scared anymore. I didn’t want to be a coward.”

Scared of what?

The waitress approached then placed our dishes in front of us. The moment was ruined and the silence descended.

“Parmesan cheese?” the waitress asked. She leaned over, her cleavage exposed. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. Her hair was a curtain of silk, and she smelled like a Victoria’s Secret catalog. I glanced at Ash, wondering if he was gawking at her chest.

He was staring straight at me, never removing his gaze. “No, thank you.”

“No, thank you,” I added.

She walked away.

Ash didn’t look at her. It didn’t seem like he cared. I wasn’t sure why that meant so much to me. Ash didn’t owe me anything, and even if he did, there was nothing wrong with looking. But it went straight to my heart anyway. For the first time, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the room.

And that scared me.

Ash ate with perfect etiquette and kept his elbows off the table. He never left a mark around his lips or dropped a crumb.

I picked at my food, too nervous to feel a real appetite.

When our meal was finished, the beautiful waitress returned with the tab.

Ash handed the cash to her without looking at her. “I don’t need change.”

‘Thank you, sir.” She gave him a flirty stare before she sauntered away.

Ash didn’t check out her ass as she left.

“Are you finished?” he asked politely.

“Yes.”

“Are you ready to go?”

I nodded.

When he stood up, he pulled my chair out for me.

It would take me a while to get used to his politeness.

We reached his car, and he opened the door for me like before. Then he shut it behind me.

Was this a date?

He got in beside me then started the engine. “You can pick the music if you like.”

I checked his CD’s and put in Crimson Kings.

He smirked slightly. “Excellent choice.”

The short drive was spent in silence. I glanced to his hands, wondering where they were. He rested one on his armrest and the other gripped the wheel. I tried to think of something to say but nothing came to my mind. Besides, the quiet was nice.

We arrived at the apartment then ascended the stairs. My purse was tucked tightly under my arm. I felt nervous even though I wasn’t sure why. Ash walked me to my door then stood across from me.

“Thank you for dinner.” I didn’t bother trying to pay because I already knew he wouldn’t let me.

“You’re more than welcome.”

Silence stretched between us. We never used to be awkward with each other, but now that’s all we were. I felt the tension in the air, the sexual excitement. Any time he looked at me, I looked down, afraid to face my own feelings. He excited me, made me think things I shouldn’t. I waited for him to walk away but he didn’t.

He inched closer to me, a whisper away. “Alaska, I really like you.”

The chills ran down my body.

“Actually, I more than like you.” He stared into my eyes while he said it. “I know I didn’t make the best first impression. I was disrespectful and rude. But I’m not like that anymore. Ever since I met you, I’ve slowly started to change. I’ve tried blocking people out since I can remember, but I was even worse after my sister’s incident. All my walls were up and I refused to let anyone in. But you snuck past every defense and went straight to my heart.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“I didn’t like Jace because he didn’t treat you right. He was blind to what was right in front of him. But not only did I hate him because he didn’t work his ass off just to make you smile, but because I wanted you to myself. Whenever you were with him, all I felt was pain. I thought sleeping around would make me feel better but it didn’t. It just made me feel worse.

“When I saw him with someone else, I snapped. I slammed a broken beer bottle on his head and almost killed him. I was pulled back so I wouldn’t end his life then and there. Knowing I found a reason to end your relationship with him gave me no satisfaction. I was livid that he would take you for granted. You didn’t deserve that kind of pain.

“And when I found the proof to make you leave him, I hated myself. I didn’t want to show it to you. I didn’t want you to see it. When you’re in pain, I’m in pain. If I could rewrite history, I would make Jace be the boyfriend you wanted just so you could be happy, even if that meant I couldn’t have you myself. Never in my life have I had selfless thoughts, but with you, you’re always first.

“The moment he was gone from your life, I stopped hooking up. I knew you needed time to recover, and I knew there was no guarantee that you might feel something for me when you were ready to, but I couldn’t stand the idea of being with someone else when I felt this strongly about you. I don’t want any other girl in my bed. I just want you.

“When I saw you come home with that guy, I snapped again. Not only did I not want you to be with someone besides me, but I didn’t want you to make a mistake you would regret. The fact you feel like you need to change because of Jace breaks my heart, because you’re damn perfect the way you are. Maybe he doesn’t see every good piece of you, but I do. I see everything, Alaska. You’re the first girl who’s ever made me jealous, to make me take a harder look at myself, and the first one to make me take a risk. I’m so scared of getting burned again, but I can’t stand in the cold a moment longer when I feel your warmth every day.

“When I kissed you, it just solidified my feelings even more. I’ve never felt that explosive energy before. My lips burned long after you were gone. My body yearned for you. I fantasized about that moment a million times but I never imagined how wonderful it would be. It felt right, Alaska. It felt like you were the only girl I’d ever kissed. When I took you to my bed, believe me, I didn’t want to stop. But I wanted it to happen when I meant more to you. The last thing I ever wanted to be was someone you would regret, someone you wouldn’t trust to protect you.”