Текст книги "Fade to Red"

Автор книги: Willow Aster

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“Piss off, man,” he muttered. He pulled the phone away from his ear when Nate’s laugh got too loud. “Dude, really.”

Nate took a deep breath, but the laugh was still in his voice. “There’s always the last option, which I wouldn’t mind seeing…”

“What’s that?”

“Date Roxie and be out with it. You need a girlfriend, Beck. You’ve paid penance long enough.”

“I kissed her this morning, and believe me, it was not her idea.”

“Okay, just tell me how you want to spin this and I’ll get it started-” Nate paused.

“She’s got me all wrapped up…”

“You’ve got it bad.”

“Fuck me, I know it.”

Beckham looked for Roxie at dinner, but she wasn’t there. He saw Sierra grabbing three desserts and jogged over to her.

“Hey. Have you seen Roxie?”

“She’s in the bus. Hiding.” Sierra grinned.

“Is she mad at me?”

“Oh yeah, probably,” she said.

“Probably?”

“From what I’ve seen, she seems to stay mad at you.” She took a bite of cheesecake and pointed her fork at him. “I like this girl so much. And that was even before I knew just how tightly she had your balls in a vise.”

“Oh, you know what?” he groaned. “Don’t start, Sierra.”

She laughed.

“Just tell me … how do I get her out of the angry?”

“How much do you like her, Beck?” Sierra’s expression turned serious. “You know you’ve had enough notches on your bedpost…”

Beckham stared at her. “You too?” He ran his hands through his hair and glared at her. “Okay, I deserved that. But … seriously … mean.”

She shrugged and sampled the chocolate cake.

He shook his head. “She’s different. I want to get under her skin and know what makes her angry heart tick.”

She paused mid-bite.

“God, I know this is wrong to say because you’re my brother, but … that was kinda hot,” she finally said.

“Is everyone talking about it?” Roxie asked the minute she let Sierra on the bus.

Everyone was at dinner so she had the bus to herself.

“I might have heard a little buzz about it. Honestly, I think everyone thought you might be dating a while ago.”

Roxie tried to tackle her as she walked by and Sierra went sprawling on the bus floor.

“Ow! Dammit, Roxie!” Sierra yelled. “You don’t know me well enough for that yet!”

“I’m so sorry! I can’t even believe I did that, after what happened with Sparrow! I didn’t think you’d go down!” Roxie cried. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sierra said with a smirk. “Gonna start calling you Brooke.”

Roxie clamped her hand over her mouth and started laughing hysterically.

Sierra pulled her down and hit her over the head with a pillow. “Quit being so bitchy! Go get laid by my hot rock star brother. He wants you bad.” As soon as she said it, she shuddered and mumbled under her breath, “Things I never thought I’d say…”

Roxie stopped laughing. “What did he say?”

“He wants to get in your skin and know what makes your angry heart tick,” Sierra quoted. “If that isn’t sexy, I don’t know what is.”

“This is so weird,” Roxie snapped back.

“Go get laid and get it over with!” Sierra repeated, louder.

“Shush! Someone might hear you.”

“I thought everyone was gone,” Sierra whispered.

“They are, but … someone could have heard … outside.”

Sierra rolled her eyes. “Oh lord.”

“Seriously, what am I gonna do?”

They sat up and leaned their backs against the couch.

“I’ve never seen him like this, Roxie. He’s never fought for anyone.”

Roxie’s forehead crunched into a tiny V.

“He’s made a lot of changes, especially the last year, and … I think you can trust him.”

“I don’t know if he’s changed or not. I do know that I should have never risked coming on this tour. It was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I have to just keep my space. Do my job, get paid, and that’s it. No more, no less.”

Sierra looked at Roxie. “He’s one of the good ones, Rox. He really is.” She looked like she was going to say more but stopped.

“What?” Roxie pressed.

“You have the potential to hurt him, really hurt him. That, in itself, is a huge shift.”

“No more than he’s already hurt me, I guarantee that,” Roxie whispered.

“What do you mean?” Sierra leaned up and faced Roxie. “What has he done?”

“I—forget I said that. I’m just frustrated by this day. I need to get ready for tonight.”

“Okay, but tell me if I need to go beat him up.” She lifted an eyebrow and smiled. “I can totally take him.”

“I’m sure you can.” Roxie got up and put the pillows back on the couch.

“All right, well, don’t hide for much longer. You’ll appear guilty.” And with that, Sierra made her way to her bus. “And watch your back. I owe you a good tackle.”

“You totally do, but please, don’t you dare!” Roxie laughed. “I have to protect my bones for the next year at least.”

“I can’t hear you!” Sierra yelled as she shut the door.

Sparrow texted a few minutes later.

Sparrow: You’ve been withholding, girl! Spill!

Roxie: I’m too busy hiding. Sorry I haven’t been over today. It’s been … eventful.

Sparrow: You’re only safe from me because Ian’s hovering worse than a new mother. And when he can’t, Bodyguard Will is.

Roxie: I’ve noticed a lot of guards too! Have they always been around?

Sparrow: Will hasn’t. If it doesn’t work out with Beck, you need to have a look at Will. :) But from what I saw of you and Beck kissing, I’m thinking it will ALL work out. And then some. DANG, girl!

Roxie put her head in her hands and groaned.

By the time the show was over that night, pictures of Beckham and Roxie looking like they were ready to rip each other’s clothes off onstage, along with the pictures of them kissing, were all over the news and Internet. Chloe left six messages. Her parents and brother called at different times throughout the day, wanting to know why she hadn’t told them about her relationship. She was mortified and scared. Terrified would better describe it … her resistance to Beckham was barely hanging by a thread.

Roxie spent the next day hiding with Sparrow. Ian kept bringing them food, so they wouldn’t have to leave the bus, except during the show. She dreaded going back on her bus that night, but sucked it up. The next couple of days they made the long drive to St. Paul. They hadn’t been there long when Beckham knocked on the door to see if she would come play in the snow. He looked so adorable standing out there, cheeks rosy from the cold, and his eyes bright and beseeching. Roxie said no and then felt horrible when she saw the flicker of hurt on his face. Guilt spread through her body like a weed.

He walked away, and Brooke moved past her and threw a snowball at him. Roxie stepped away so she couldn’t hear their laughter mocking her. Jealousy quickly replaced all guilt.

A few hours before the show that night, he came to the door again. Vanessa let him in.

He gave everyone a quick wave and looked at Roxie.

“I need to talk to you,” he said.

Roxie looked around. All eyes were on them. “Okay.”

“Alone. Can we go in the back? Or would you come over to mine?”

“I’ll come with you,” she said quietly.

They didn’t speak as they walked to his bus.

“Have a seat,” he said formally.

“I can’t stay long.” She kept standing.

“Have you noticed your bodyguard, Johnny?” he asked. “And Al? Although you probably don’t see Al most of the time.”

“My bodyguard? I thought they were for everyone. They’re both kinda hard to miss.”

“I should’ve let you know I was doing that. With those pictures getting out—just can’t be too careful.” He looked away. “Roxie, I’m going crazy here. Please…” He rubbed the stubble on his chin and then put his hand on her arm. “We have these moments when I think we’re getting somewhere, and then … you pull back, say it can’t happen, avoid me … but the way you look at me is a completely different story.”

She didn’t say anything, just noticed the way his eyelashes curled up at the ends. Leo’s did the same thing. She was envious of those lashes.

“I’ve had dreams about you with really short hair,” he said so quietly she barely heard him.

She jumped when he ran his fingers softly down her neck.

“I’ve had dreams about kissing this neck.” His eyes looked like stormy waters. “I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. Tell me. Tell me what’s real, Roxie.”

She swallowed hard.

“I’ve tried to forget,” she whispered.

He put his hand on her cheek and whispered, “If you won’t help me remember, will you at least let me help you forget?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not? I’m not really that bad, am I?”

She wouldn’t look at him, even though he tried to make her by lifting her chin.

“Roxie,” he said softly.

When he said her name with such conviction, it broke something inside of her. She ached to believe in him. She wanted more than anything to know that what Sierra had said about him was true, and that she could put aside her responsible, analytical self for a moment and just feel. She caved and finally looked at him, and her heart plummeted even further.

Without overthinking it, she kissed him. He sucked in a sharp breath and kissed her back with the same fury. She held onto his hair and walked into him until the back of his calves hit the couch. She nudged him and he sat down, pulling her with him. Her thighs wound around him as tight as they could go, straddling him, and still he pulled her tighter and groaned into her mouth.

The door banged shut and Sierra said, “Ahh, sorry!”

Roxie jumped off of Beckham, turning bright red. She couldn’t look at either one of them. Beckham took her hand and stood up beside her.

“Great timing,” he muttered with a scowl.

Sierra laughed. “I’m really sorry.” She looked at Roxie and lifted her eyebrows. “I’m glad you listened to me.”

Roxie groaned. “This is so messed up.” She let go of Beckham’s hand and walked toward the door. “I’ll see you later.”

“Wait, Roxie, don’t go. Come on … hang out with us.”

“I’m out of here,” Sierra said at the same time.

“I’ll go get ready. It’s later than I thought…” Roxie made a quick excuse and ran.

Every picture of Roxie was charred. The girl’s blonde, sunshiny looks didn’t look so sunshiny scorched.

Their kiss was playing over and over again in the edges of her mind. No. No. Her body trembled.

No.

She envisioned her sharp dagger hanging out of the girl’s throat. She’d had a feeling about Roxie from the beginning and should have offed her as soon as she saw them onstage together.

The frame she held of Beckham slipped out of her hands. Shards of glass scattered across the floor. She got on her hands and knees, ignoring the glass as she grabbed his picture. Her palms were prickled and now bleeding, but his picture was still perfect.

No harm done.

She brushed her thumb against his smiling face. She’d do anything for him. It had been that way since the first time she’d seen him. She’d been his ever since.

She’d come so close, so many times now. At one of his shows, he’d looked at her, devouring her with his eyes.

The guard wouldn’t let her go backstage that night. But revenge was sweet. She made sure his blood trickled out slowly.

She was too close now. Just a slight change of plans.

Roxie.

Roxie would have to go first. Security was tighter and she’d have to be more careful, but she’d always loved a challenge.

She twitched and on shaky legs stood up and made her way across the room. She grabbed her pills and tossed one back. The twitching stopped a few minutes later. Blood continued to slowly trickle down her arms and onto the counter, but she didn’t notice.

There wasn’t time to make any mistakes. It would take discipline and the cunning of a fox.

She smiled. Within a few days, Roxie would be dead.

“I like that Beckham Woods.” Ellen smiled. “He is a hunk.”

Ian snorted at his mom then twisted around when he heard Sparrow laughing.

“My wife agrees,” he grumbled.

Her lips lifted on one side, along with an eyebrow. “You don’t?”

He took a long drink of water. “Yeah, yeah, he’s pretty hot.” He rolled his eyes and winked at his mom.

“He doesn’t even come close to your hotness, Orville,” Sparrow said. “Except when he dances … and … sings.”

He lowered his head but didn’t take his eyes off her, giving her a look that made her shift in her seat. “You want me to dance and sing, baby?” he asked softly. He leaned across the table and settled right in front of her face. His nose touched hers. “Seems like I remember some good times in this house doing just that,” he whispered. His lips moved to her ear. “Maybe we can go upstairs in a little bit and reminisce.”

He moved back slowly and sat down.

“Dang,” Sparrow said shakily.

“You do remember,” he said, smiling.

Sparrow glanced nervously at Ellen, but she was focused on Journey. She hadn’t set her down since they’d pulled in the driveway that morning.

“Do your parents always act like this?” Ellen asked Journey.

Journey let out a long string of gibberish, and when they cracked up, she did too.

And then Ellen repeated what she’d been asking since they got there: “Are you sure you can’t stay longer?”

“I wish we could, Mom. I really do. I’ll have to fly you out when we’ve got a few days off.”

They stayed around the house visiting, until it was time to go to the venue. On the drive, Ian caught Sparrow laughing to herself and smiled, wondering if she was thinking about when he’d carried her upstairs. He’d completely shocked her with his moves in the little striptease reenactment. And she’d shocked him more by taking his hand and showing him how instantly turned on it made her. He freaking loved married Little Bird; she was all kinds of bold.

“Dang girl, dang girl, dang girl, dang girl, dang girl, dang,” he sang softly.

Sparrow lost it then. She shook her head and wiped her eyes as she tried to catch her breath. “You are such a nut.”

He kissed her hand. “Your hot nut, you mean.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah, that didn’t work, did it?”

“No.” She took another deep breath and looked at him. “Seriously, though, Magic Mike. Where have you been this whole marriage?”

He smirked. “Gotta spread some things out, little at a time, to keep the love alive.”

“Our love is alive,” she said, waving off his words and then pointing at him. “I’m gonna need to see that again, tonight, the minute you’re off that stage.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Beckham took the last picture with a fan and then he couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Howie stepped into place beside him as he walked out the door.

“Johnny said it took some convincing, but she agreed to wait in your bus until you got there,” Howie said.

Beckham grinned. “Tell Johnny he’s getting a raise.”

She was drifting off when he walked in. His eyes drifted down the length of her body, stretched out on the couch, and he couldn’t stop smiling. Someone yelled outside and Roxie jumped up, dazed. He steadied her.

“Hey, thanks for waiting for me,” he said, pulling her in for a hug.

“I’m so tired. I better get going.”

“No—really?” he asked, unable to hide his disappointment. “Stay. We can sleep.”

She laughed. “Seriously?”

“Well, I’m kinda tired, too. It was a great show though. I’m always a little wired after one like that, even though I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I get like that too. Tonight everything was just working. You sounded amazing.”

He opened his mouth to say something and then stopped. “You really think so?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

“I wasn’t sure you liked what I do.”

“Are you kidding? I love your music.”

“You do?”

She nodded.

“I’m shocked. This day has been so enlightening.”

She frowned then choked back a laugh, all in a matter of seconds—her face a clear window of warring emotions.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked.

“Water sounds good.”

“Are you always this easy?” He smirked.

She turned her head to the side. “I think you know the answer to that.”

He laughed, grabbed a water out of the fridge, and handed it to her. “I do like this new, improved side I’m seeing,” he teased.

All of a sudden, the bus lurched and they began moving. She held onto the counter and looked around.

“What are we doing? What about Sierra?”

“I hope you don’t mind. She said she’d hang out with the people on the other bus tonight.”

“What?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun. We can sleep. Or we can talk all night, if you want. Or whatever…”

“That was awfully presumptuous of you,” she yelled.

He pulled her to him and took her hand. “Don’t be mad. I’d like some time with you. We can watch movies … anything you want. Please? If it’s really that bad in here with me, I’ll stop the bus and you can get on yours. Deal?”

“You should have asked me.” She bit the inside of her lip.

He stroked the inside of her wrist; it felt like satin. She stilled and watched his fingers.

“Would you have said yes?”

“No.”

“Thought so.”

She huffed. “You’re not my type, Beckham. Let’s just get that clear right now.”

“Really? Didn’t seem that way earlier…” He grinned mischievously. “I’m not your type, huh?”

She waved an arm over his body and said, “This is not what I’m talking about…”

He winced and then forced a smile. “So I have a 50-50 chance, is what you’re saying.”

She gave him a small shove.

“Look, we can argue all my flaws another time. Will you stay?”

She nodded.

He exhaled. “Woohoo,” he muttered under his breath. “I hated the way we ended things this afternoon when…”

“Not gonna happen,” Roxie interrupted.

“Right. No. I didn’t mean that we’d-…” He pressed the palm of his hand on his eye and looked at her with the other. “Let’s watch a movie—here or the bigger TV in the back?”

“Well, your bus is incredible, by the way,” she said. “I don’t think I told you that earlier. I’d like to see the back, even if we don’t stay there.”

He turned around and led the way. On one side a twin bed fit into an alcove tucked behind curtains, and on the other wall was a bathroom and long vanity.

“Sierra’s space,” he said.

“It’s great. Looks like a fun, little hideaway.”

“Yeah, I’ve tried to give her my room, but she swears she loves this more.”

He opened the door to his room and Roxie gasped. She wouldn’t have believed a room like this existed on a bus. Cabinets and a flat screen TV were built-in on the left side. On the right side, a king-sized bed seemed to float out of the wall, with windows above the headboard. A section of glass ceiling over the bed gave a full view of the sky. There was still plenty of room to walk around on both sides of the bed. Another bathroom was to the right of the bed, at the end of the bus.

“What do you think? Back here?”

“No question!” She stared at the night sky moving above them. “I’ve never seen anything like this.”

“Get comfortable,” he said. “The bed is really the only place to sit back here, but it’s roomy and I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

She sat with her back against the headboard, tucking her legs under the covers. He did the same, making sure to keep some space between them, and flipped through the channels. Once she realized he wasn’t going to maul her, she relaxed and didn’t jerk away when his shoulder brushed hers.

“If you see something you wanna watch, tell me,” he said.

She surprised him by scooting closer and laying her head on his shoulder. He didn’t want to breathe, for fear of messing up the moment. But a few minutes later, he heard her breathing change and realized she’d fallen asleep. His heart kicked up a few beats with the thought that maybe she did trust him. He waited a few moments and then kissed her hair before closing his eyes too. She smelled like heaven.

An hour later he woke up with Roxie in his arms. They were completely under the covers now, both lying down, with Roxie’s leg wrapped over his. He brushed her hair back and kissed her head again. He’d never felt anything better than this. Whatever it took, he wanted to win the heart of this Roxie—the one whose body and eyes told him something very different than her words.

He was having the best dream when Roxie squeaked next to him. He forced his eyes open and she sat up. She turned and stared down at him, mouth gaping open.

“Hi,” he whispered, smiling.

She rubbed her hands down her face and muttered some nonsense back to him.

“Are you sleeping okay?” He pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. She looked so adorable. “It’s still the middle of the night. You should go back to sleep.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time and finally nodded. “I feel like I slept a long time.”

“Me too.”

Her voice sounded raspy and made everything inside him clench when she spoke.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep so early.”

“I love your voice.” He lightly tickled her back.

Her wide eyes didn’t blink. He was afraid he might have forced her silent with that comment.

“I slept better than I can ever remember sleeping,” he admitted.

“Me too.”

To his surprise, she laid down and nestled back into his shoulder. He thought she might have fallen back to sleep when she said, “I do think you’ve changed, Beckham.”

He swallowed hard and waited to see if she’d say anything else. When she didn’t, he said, “It means a lot to hear you say that. Thank you.”

They were quiet for a few minutes and then Roxie got up and left the room. He heard her shut the bathroom door and while she was in there, he went to his bathroom, brushed his teeth, and tried to calm his hair a little. He was wasting his time with that.

When she came back in the room, she sat on the end of the bed. “Wanna go back to sleep?”

“Not really. You?”

She shook her head.

“Roxie? Can we talk?”

She looked away. “You can’t make it right, Beckham. Okay?” She pulled on the sleeves of her shirt. “Can’t we leave it at this sort-of-a-friendship thing we’ve finally got going? Isn’t that enough?”

“I hope we’re friends. I know I’m pushing it when we’re … getting along,” he studied her reaction, “but I can’t help but think it won’t really be a friendship until I know our past.”

“I’ve never met a man who wanted to talk so much.” She scowled.

“I’ve had some therapy.” He tilted his head and made a crazy face.

She laughed and it took everything in him to not kiss her.

“Can we have coffee first?” She bit her lip and peeked through the shade. “Where are we?”

“Close to Chicago, I think. But yes, to coffee. It’ll make this day last longer. Are you hungry yet? I’ll feed you breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner, if you’d like.”

Her eyes glowed, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. He wondered if he’d ever be able to.

“I like breakfast anytime.”

“Good answer.”

He went into the kitchen and started the coffee. He pulled out the eggs and bread and asked how she liked everything. The mood was light between them as they both worked to get breakfast on the table. As soon as it was ready, they sat down and ate quietly.

Her nerves picked up when she finished eating. He took her hand and waited.

She took a deep breath, and he reached out with his other hand and traced her jawline.

“Whatever you have to tell me, I’ll listen. You don’t need to be nervous with me. Okay?”

She began the free fall.

“I was—am—a huge fan of your music. Like, posters on my wall during high school kind of fan.”

Her cheeks tinged pink when she said it. She started tearing pieces of her napkin onto her plate and wouldn’t look at him.

“I was quiet, didn’t have many friends, didn’t really date at all … I spent all my free time dancing. I saved up my money for your show—made my sister so mad because our parents wouldn’t let her go. She’s four years younger than me,” she paused, her eyes skirting toward his. “I didn’t want anyone to go with me because I was on a mission. I was going to meet you.” She leaned back in her chair. “I got there and worked my way up to the front. It felt like you were singing to me the whole night. We were this close.” She held up her hands to show him. “When the show was over, your guard let a few of us backstage and we went with you and the band to a club. We started talking there and then we danced together.” She barely blinked. “It was good then too.”

Her lip trembled and he wanted to pull her in his arms and kiss her, not hear what she had to say. He’d thought he wanted to know, but he was afraid he really, really did not.

“It was an incredible rush to not only meet you, but to actually dance with you, to have your attention … I thought there was an instant tug between us so strong that even you felt it.”

Her eyes flickered to his and looked as blue as he’d ever seen them. His heart had started to pound back at ‘it was good then too’ and wasn’t slowing.

“I was naive. I thought magic was happening between us. When you kissed me, I imagined you felt it too. I thought every dream I’d ever had was coming true. We danced until the club closed. You did have more alcohol than anyone I’d ever seen, but like I said, I was naive and you didn’t seem drunk to me. You asked me to go to your hotel with you, and I didn’t even second guess my decision for one instant. I’d wished to be with you since I’d gotten hormones. Of course, I was going to lose my virginity with you, and hopefully be with you for the rest of my life too…”

Beckham dropped her hand and felt desolate instantly. He put his head in his hands. “Oh God…” Now he was the one who couldn’t look at her.

“I’d say my first time was probably better than most. The second time I felt like I’d gone to heaven and didn’t want to come back to earth.”

He glanced up and she gave him a small smile, but there were tears running down her cheeks now. He reached up to wipe them and she turned her face.

“We fell asleep then and a few hours later, a huge man came in the room, not Howie, someone else. He woke me up and told me I had to go. You were completely out of it, never woke up. There were tons of pill bottles on the nightstand, and I did wonder if you were okay, because I made a lot of noise while I got dressed, hoping you’d wake up and tell me to stay, but you never did. Your bodyguard or whoever he was didn’t give me any choice, he escorted me to a cab and sent me on my way. I knew you couldn’t possibly want that, so I followed you to the next show I could make a week later and spent every dime I had getting another ticket. I did the same thing as before, worked my way up to the front, dancing. But you were fixated on someone else that night. I just thought you didn’t see me and once you did, you’d be with me, so when I saw them doing the same thing as before, I ran back with the group going backstage. You had your arm around the petite brunette you’d watched during the show and I walked straight up to you. I said, ‘Hey, I didn’t get to tell you goodbye!’ You said ‘hey’ but looked confused. You started walking away and I ran after you, saying, ‘You don’t remember me? How can you not remember me? It was just a week ago!’ You pulled the girl tighter to you and said, ‘Sorry, babe … I meet a lot of people…’”

Roxie stood up and walked to the kitchen counter.

“It gutted me. I left that night and drove the three hours home in a fog, devastated. My sister found me crying in my bedroom. I told her we’d kissed the week before, but then you didn’t remember me. She couldn’t get past the fact that we’d kissed at all, she was so proud of me. I didn’t bother telling her the rest. I didn’t want her to know what a fool I’d been.”

Beckham came behind her. “Roxie.”

She stiffened and he stepped back. The silence grew until Beckham felt like he would explode.

“Roxie,” he said again and his voice broke. “I don’t even know what to say.” He took a staggered breath. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” he said. “About every single part of that.” He rubbed his eyes and her face slowly came into focus. “You’ve treated me much better than I deserve. I can’t believe you didn’t kill me when you saw me again.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “This doesn’t make it any better, but just know that I had to be high out of my mind to ever forget you. It doesn’t seem possible. The moment I saw you dancing on that stage in San Diego was like a high beam turning on in my chest. I’ve lived each moment since then wanting to be with you.” He reached his hand out to touch her cheek, but stopped and let it drop. “I despise who I was and I pray every day that I don’t get even close to being like that again.”

He closed his eyes and when he opened them and looked at her, the tears were falling down her face again. It killed him to see her pain.

“I have to believe I never really forgot,” he said quietly. “And that’s why I haven’t been able to let you go.”

Roxie and Beckham sat on the couch. They’d stopped to fuel up and she’d nearly gotten off then, but he’d begged her to stay. She didn’t know what to say to him. It had all been said. Well, not all. There was always more to say, but, for now, she was done. Something close to relief was surfacing.

“Can I touch you?” he asked softly. “Hold your hand?”

The look on his face since she’d told him was already haunting her. She’d thought about this conversation many times over the years, imagined telling him off and inflicting him with some of the hurt she’d felt. But now that she’d told him, the bitterness she’d carried felt more like the sorrow that it really was. Being around him the last couple of months and seeing that he was more decent than she ever knew—it made a big difference. Maybe the hurt would ease now that she’d confronted it.

She let him take her hand. They sat quietly, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.

“Can I ask you something?”

She nodded.

“How old were you?”

“18.”

He looked slightly relieved. “How old are you now?”

“23.”

He looked at their hands and squeezed. “I don’t know if you even can, but I hope one day you can forgive me, Roxie,” he finally spoke. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.” He lifted her hand to his cheek and held it there. He looked at her, his eyes unwavering, and she believed him.

“Thank you. I think … it’s time I move on. Worse things have happened than all this.” She shrugged. “We were both a lot younger and both made mistakes,” she said. “I’ve acted like a child this whole tour. I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult. I’d hoped I wouldn’t even have to deal with you, you know, get lost in the group.” She gave a small smile. “Once I realized it wasn’t going to be that way, I should have left instead of being so awful to you.”

“I’m glad I talked you into staying. You’re the only one I’ve been able to see, Roxie.” The grey in his eyes seemed lit from behind. “And you have nothing to be sorry about.” He lowered their hands to his thigh and played with her fingers. “I know it’s too soon to ask, but … do I have any chance in hell with you?”