Текст книги "Fade to Red"

Автор книги: Willow Aster

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“It’s not every day he can ride the SkyView Ferris Wheel,” he replied.

“Fine. But not without me.”

“Rox, what do you think I’m gonna do—hijack him?”

“Take it or leave it.”

“Okay, you can come. Also, I’ve arranged for you to be on my bus while Leo and Chloe are here. So you’ll have more room, and so I can visit with him. We can also extend their stay…”

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Roxie stood up, glaring down at Beckham.

He jumped up, his face as thunderous as hers.

Roxie heard Chloe chattering about all the sushi they were going to eat as she walked away.

“This is craziness. What are you even thinking?” She put both hands on her hips and glared up at him. “I don’t know what you’re envisioning, Beckham, but you can’t just pretend like he’s yours because you want him to be. He’s not.” Roxie took a deep breath before she continued. “Just let me see my son. I’m not fighting you with the testing. He’s already been swabbed too, and now the decent thing would be to just let me have a nice time with my boy.”

“You will. I just don’t want to miss any more time with him if he is my son.”

“If you get his hopes up in any way, whatsoever, I will destroy you,” she said under her breath.

He heard her loud and clear. “You’ve already said that, and I’m done being bullied by you, Roxie Taylor.”

She threw both hands up and wanted to throttle him. Her chest rose and fell as she tried to regain her composure before she turned and walked back to the table. He was on her heels. When they sat down, his brows were drawn together, but then he looked down at Leo next to him and his face lit up.

“There’s this phenomenal restaurant we’ll visit, too. You’re gonna love it, Leo. They have these amazing crepes.”

He went into a long explanation of what crepes were and how the chocolate oozes out of them. Leo sat there, spellbound.

Roxie rested her forehead in her hands and tried not to cry. She’d always wanted Leo to have a dad, but nothing was worth the fear of losing him. Beckham seemed so determined for Leo to be his, she wasn’t sure a test result would settle it for him one way or the other.

Ian looked around and settled onto a stool. He had arrived at the hair and makeup trailer before Suzanne and Coco, which was a first. It was usually bustling in there by the time he showed up. He looked at his watch—oh, he was way later than usual. Maybe they’d assumed he wasn’t coming … sometimes he didn’t.

The bright lights showed the sun he’d gotten the other day. He hadn’t realized he’d gotten that much. He noticed skin peeling around his right eyebrow and started pulling it. Damn. That made it worse. He looked around for lotion or something that might help.

He found lotion and squirted some—a huge glob filled his hand.

“Shit!” He jumped up and looked around for a paper towel. He didn’t see any on the counter, so he opened a couple of nearby drawers. Nothing but hair products, makeup, and pain medication.

“Ian?”

He turned around and saw Coco standing by the door.

“I got way too much.” He showed her his hand. “Thought I might find some paper towels.”

“You can wash it off in the sink.”

He nodded. “Should’ve done that in the first place,” he said.

She leaned down to shut the drawer. “Been waiting long?”

“No. First time I’ve been the only one in here, though.”

“I was a-about to lock up. Thought you weren’t coming.”

“If you could just put some junk in my hair to get it to stay—it’s getting too long and I’m out of the good stuff.”

“Sure.”

He watched her grab the hair paste. As she got closer, her hand shook, and he felt bad if he made her nervous. They’d never really talked much. He knew she was shy and usually Suzanne was available when he walked in.

She fixed his hair and studied him when she stepped back. He lifted his eyebrows and she turned around and got lotion, getting the perfect amount out and putting it above his brow.

“Thank you,” he said. He looked down. Her hands had a few painful-looking cuts. “Oh wow, doesn’t that sting your hands? What happened?”

“Got a bigger pair of scissors than what I usually cut hair with … d-didn’t work out so well for my hands.” She blinked and gave him a shy smile.

“Oh, thought you were gonna say the oven or a flat iron.” He cringed. “Scissors, ouch!”

“F-flat iron doesn’t like me much either,” she agreed.

Poor girl. She really was awkward. Surprisingly good with hair though. He stood and walked toward the door, trying to get out of there before he gave her a heart attack.

“Thanks for the hair,” he said, with a wave.

She held up a hand. “B-break a leg tonight,” she said.

He had almost reached his bus when he heard his name called. He turned around and Coco was walking toward him holding out the hair product.

“Had extra. You take it.”

His hand accidentally brushed hers when he took the container. He felt her stiffen and he quickly pulled his hand away. Her eyes were wide when she looked at him.

“That’s so thoughtful. Thank you,” he said. “I’ll make sure to replace it when I get a chance.”

“Not necessary,” she said slowly. “Haircut next time.” She gave him a big smile and walked away.

“Okay then.”

He was shaking his head when he got on the bus.

“What’s the matter?” Sparrow asked.

“I’ve met someone clumsier than you,” he teased.

She frowned and jabbed his side. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said against her lips. Before he could feel her up, she backed away. “Aw, come on, I didn’t mean it. Kiss me.”

She smiled but shook her head. “Who is it? You didn’t fall in love with their clumsy ways, did you?”

He snorted. “No, definitely not. You know Coco, hair and makeup girl?”

Sparrow scrunched her nose. “You’ve actually had a conversation with her? I’ve never heard her say a word. She’s pretty though.” She jumped when he tickled her side.

“You think so? I haven’t noticed.”

“Oh please.” She rolled her eyes.

“I’m not kidding even a little bit.”

“She’s strange, but obviously, pretty.”

“The ‘strange’ I picked up on.” He held up the hair paste. “Got this out of the deal.”

“Aw, someone’s got a crush on you…”

He tickled her harder and she fell into his neck, laughing.

“Stop,” she wheezed, “I don’t want Journey to wake up yet.”

“You didn’t tell me she was asleep.” His eyes got hazy as he reached under her shirt and tweaked her nipple. He leaned down and kissed his way up her stomach until he reached her bra. “Why aren’t we naked yet?” He unsnapped the bra and grinned up at her when it fell to the floor.

“Someone came in all distracted by clumsy girls,” she said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lifted her skirt and turned around to sit on the couch. “Mmm, this is gonna be good.”

“You’re supposed to be onstage in twen—ohhhh, mmm…” She grabbed his hair and held on.

“I’ve been off all day,” he said. “I just need a little taste.”

By the time they were done, he’d had more than a little.

She giggled when he pulled out of her.

“I wrecked your hair,” she said.

“I’m gonna leave it like this for the show … that way you can look at me and know that I’m still enjoying the taste of you.”

He sauntered off the bus, still buttoning his jeans, even though he was about to be late.

After the show, Ian was worn out and headed back to the bus.

“Ian, wait up!” Beckham called.

Ian turned and waited for Beckham to reach him.

“Hey, you killed it tonight, man,” Ian said.

“You think so? Thanks. I expected tonight to be hard, but it helped to get out there and let out all my frustration. Now I’m wiped out.” He put an arm around Ian’s shoulder. “I feel like I’ve learned more working with you the last few months than I have the last ten years of touring. Your musicianship ups the quality of every player out there—we all do better. I’m so glad you’re here.”

Ian squeezed Beckham’s shoulder. “Grateful you feel that way. It’s been a kick. I’m loving it. You’ve spoiled me, you know that, right? I’m not gonna want to tour without you now.”

“I’ve been so burned out. You almost make me never want to quit.”

Ian laughed. “I’d say it was meant to be then!”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something—should have long before now. Besides what happened with Sparrow spraining her foot, has Brooke given you any reason to think she’s violent? Roxie thinks she was responsible for that. What do you think?”

“I don’t trust her…”

“But do you think she hurt Sparrow on purpose?”

“I don’t know—her apology surprised me. And she’s backed off since then,” he admitted.

Beckham blew a long breath out of his nose. “Okay. I’ll try to get to the bottom of it.”

Beckham had agreed that Roxie, Chloe, and Leo should stay on Anthony’s bus when he remembered his mom was coming the next afternoon. In all the havoc, he’d completely forgotten about her visit. He was so glad he hadn’t told her about Roxie yet—relief did not even begin to cover it. That had been the cosmos finally aligning right there.

He’d sat in on the questioning of Brooke. She swore she didn’t damage Roxie’s things, said she’d never liked her but that she’d never done anything like that. By the time she was done talking, all five of them in the room had been fairly certain it wasn’t her. Just in case, Beckham and a detective friend he’d called just to scare her, made sure they put the fear of God in her to not step near Roxie or her things.

The next morning was an unusually bitter cold day in Atlanta. He’d talked up the Ferris Wheel so much, there was no getting out of it. The ride was about to close due to the weather when they showed up, but Beckham convinced them to keep it open for one more ride. They froze. Leo gasped when the ride started and the air felt even colder. He looked at his mom for reassurance, but when she cuddled him closer he smiled the rest of the ride. It was worth it.

When they got off and walked to the Jeep, Leo started squealing and pointed to his nose. Apparently his nose had started to run and froze mid-stream. Leo looked terrified, but when Beckham and Roxie laughed hysterically, he nervously chuckled too. Roxie pulled Kleenex out of her purse and got the gross icicle off, making him give his nose a good blow while he was at it.

They’d picked up Beckham’s mom together, despite Roxie arguing all the way that he needed to go get her alone. Under his breath, he made a deal with her to not say a word about Leo, but said the deal was off if she’d heard about it on TV.

Leo was a hit with Sophia. Actually, she was immediately taken with both Leo and Roxie. Beckham realized his mistake in bringing Roxie as soon as his mom’s eyes lit onto the three of them together.

By that night, Leo had managed to tell the whole crew about his ‘icicle boogies’ and was still getting laughs out of everyone he told, so he made the rounds a second time.

Beckham noticed how Roxie always kept an eye on Leo, even when she let him roam around a room. She knew where he was at all times. It was obvious from how they interacted with one another that she was a really good mother. As angry as he was with her, deep down he knew she was protective of her little boy. Looking back on his history, all the things she’d probably heard in the press, he could somewhat understand why she’d want to keep Leo from all of that. He’d never completely understand why, but when he saw her with Leo, it almost softened him toward Roxie again. Almost.

He just knew Leo was his. There could be no other explanation for the bond Beckham felt with him. It had been immediate and he only felt the connection growing.

Somehow he’d have to work past the former feelings he’d had for Roxie and the new mixed-up ones and move forward so Leo would have the best possible upbringing. Beckham was determined to make up for the years they’d lost. He was thankful Leo was still young enough that he wouldn’t hold it against Beckham for not being around before now. At least that’s what he hoped.

As for why Roxie would continue to insist that Leo wasn’t his, he couldn’t figure that out. Maybe she was afraid he’d try to take Leo from her, but every child needed both parents—he had to remind himself of this at least a hundred times a day since he’d found out about Leo. As much as he wanted to steal away with him, he knew he could never take his son from his mother.

A couple of days went by and Beckham thought for sure they’d have the results back by the time they arrived in Washington, D.C., but no such luck. Nate called and told Beckham to let him know the minute he knew anything. Cleveland and Boston went by, and still no word.

They arrived in New York and would only be in town a few days for two shows and the late night circuit. Then they’d all fly to L.A. for the Grammy Awards for a couple of nights. Without a concert every night and staying in a hotel, it would almost feel like a break, even though it’d still be hectic.

He tried to get Roxie to come to the hotel too, with Leo and Chloe, but she insisted on staying on Anthony’s bus. She was so stubborn.

He stretched out on his bed for about an hour and slept. As soon as he got up, he felt restless. The hotel room felt claustrophobic. He missed them. Leo. He missed Leo. He swallowed his pride and called Roxie.

She answered on the second ring.

“Roxie? Hey.”

“Hey, Beckham. What’s up?”

He couldn’t tell for sure if she was any more annoyed with him than usual.

“I was wondering—would you guys meet up with me at the Rockefeller ice skating rink?”

It was quiet on the other end.

“You still there?” he asked.

“No.”

“Sounds like you’re there.”

“Well, yes, I’m here, but no, we’re not going skating with you.”

“Rox, I promised Leo I’d show him a good time while he’s on this trip. Let me do that.”

“He’s having a great time, believe me.”

“Lighten up, okay? It’s just one afternoon.”

“Don’t tell me to lighten up! Beckham, look … I know you won’t believe he’s not yours until you have proof, but that being said—I don’t have to hang out with you. And I don’t have to make sure Leo is around you all the time right now either. When you hear what you need to hear, you can come find me and give me the apology I deserve. Until then, I’ll see you onstage.”

There was a long pause until he said, “Come on, Roxie. Just come skate with me. I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk. Truce for a day?”

She was quiet. Finally: “You’ve been an asshole, Beckham.”

He laughed in spite of his embarrassment. “Fair enough. I’ll dial back my asshole for the day.”

Silence.

“Roxie?”

“Okay. I guess.”

She hung up on him and he scrambled around the room, throwing on a shirt and sweater. He pulled on a knit cap, sunglasses, and took off, not sure when she was even coming.

He skated about twenty minutes before he saw them, getting on the rink. They both were wearing bright blue and looked like a vision. Leo was talking and Roxie was laughing at whatever he was saying. Her hair was down, the long waves looking like gold against her blue jacket; it always took his breath away when she wore it like that. Her smile faded when she saw him and he felt a sword jab directly into his heart.

His body and heart kept betraying him where Roxie was concerned. Giving his hat a tug, he groaned and plastered on a smile. Just have fun, he thought. Don’t let her suck you in and don’t even look at her lips. Or ass. Or hair.

“Hey, you two! Thanks for meeting me out here!” he said. Funny, he felt extremely happy to be with a girl who was twisting him in knots. “Leo! You’re looking pretty good—you look like a pro already!”

“Mom and I go skating a lot,” Leo said proudly. “She’s really good. I don’t do the fancy stuff like her, though.”

Roxie and Leo’s cheeks had two red circles in the center of them. It made their eyes even brighter. Beckham stared at them for a moment and thought: This is exactly what I want. Right in front of me. Both of them.

To his mortification, he felt a knot in his throat. His eyes watered, but he hoped he could attribute it to the brisk air. What the hell is happening to me? He cleared his throat and gave them both a lopsided grin.

“You gonna show us whatcha got?” Roxie said lightly.

He could tell she was trying hard to be polite and he was relieved.

They did a lap around.

“Do a twirl, Mom!”

“Oh no, that’s okay.” She laughed. “I’m not really feeling the twirls today.”

“Come on, I wanna see!” Beckham pointed to the center of the rink. “Right out there.”

“I’m hungry already,” Roxie said.

“No changing the subject!”

“Oh, okay,” she huffed, “but just a couple. I’m not kidding about being hungry!”

She began skating to the center of the rink. Leo and Beckham stopped, both watching her every move.

“She’s beautiful,” Beckham said to Leo. “You know your mom is beautiful, right?”

Leo nodded solemnly. “I know. I see her.”

“I see her too, buddy. You’ve got a good one.”

They looked at each other, having a moment. When they looked up, Roxie was going around the rink, turned backwards and did a double axel. They both clapped hard.

“That was perfect!” Beckham yelled. “Do another one!”

“One more,” she said, “and then food!”

She gathered up speed and as she turned to go backwards, someone skating by sped up and bumped into her, knocking her down. There was a sickening thud as Roxie fell hard. Beckham and Leo rushed over to her, along with a few other people.

She looked up at Beckham and Leo, dazed. “That’s what I get for showing off,” she said softly.

“It was amazing,” Beckham whispered, leaning over her. “Are you okay, Rox? Where does it hurt?” He brushed the ice off of her face.

“You okay, Mama?” Leo knelt down by her.

“I’m okay. I think everything is in one piece...” She tried to joke. She waved at everyone. “I’m fine,” she said.

A girl asked if she needed anything and Roxie thanked her and said no. Everyone slowly skated away. She moved her legs and took Beckham’s hand, slowly sitting up.

“Ugh. This is gonna hurt.” She winced as she stretched her arms. “I’d like to punch the girl who plowed into me.”

“Yeah, the thought crossed my mind too.” Beckham looked around the rink. “She didn’t even stop to see if you were okay.”

“She just came out of nowhere! I didn’t even see what she looked like.”

Beckham didn’t bother telling her that he didn’t either, because while she was falling, he’d come to the realization that he’d fallen even harder and would never get over her.

When Roxie stood up, every muscle in her body hurt. She was used to getting sore from all the torture she gave her body dancing, but this was a little more extreme. She moved tentatively to the side of the rink.

Leo and Beckham both looked so worried about her she had to smile. “I’m okay, really, just … ow.”

“Here, let’s take your skates off and get warmed up.”

They shuffled off of the rink and found their shoes.

“I have an idea. How about you come back to my room and we can order room service. You can stretch out and eat at the same time.” His smile was so kind, the ice cubes around her heart began to thaw just a tiny bit more.

“I love room service!” Leo held onto Roxie’s hand and reached out for Beckham’s.

She was going to get an ulcer, with how nervous it made her to see Leo and Beckham together. Leo liked him so much already. They had immediately bonded and there seemed to be nothing she could do to stop it. She hesitated, but they both had such hopeful expressions that she caved. It would help to have a few days at home soon. She’d get her son unattached to this guy later, something she’d have to figure out for herself too. Later being the key word. For now, she just needed to balance out her libido vs. her feelings.

“This must be a really nice room. You keep trying to lure us there,” Roxie teased.

“You’ll see.” He raised a cocky eyebrow at her. “Taxi!”

They had maybe a four-minute cab ride.

“I totally could have walked that,” Roxie argued.

“Yeah, maybe if I carried you,” Beckham teased back.

“Well, I didn’t hear you offering.” She looked at him, daring him to come back with something.

He looked down at her lips and subconsciously licked his lower lip. When the taxi driver asked for his fare, Beckham was startled.

“Yeah, thanks, here you go. Come on, let’s get you people some food,” he yelled.

“Wow!” Leo said over and over as he ran through the suite.

It was gorgeous. She should have known it would be. This was the kind of room she used to imagine Beckham in, back when she thought about him all the time, and okay, even this morning. Royal blue and red with lime green touches decorated the room and it just felt good in there. Cozy and cheerful.

“Ooo, I love that!” She pointed up at the mahogany ceiling.

Beckham nodded. “Me too. Here, stretch out on this bed. I’ll grab the menu for you.”

“Thanks.” She sat on the bed and leaned back. “Ahhh,” she groaned, “a feather bed. I just thought I was tired of my bunk.” She laughed. “I could get used to this!”

He walked into the other room and she heard him showing Leo how to start the video games.

“No shoes on the couch, Leo!” she called out.

“They’re off, Mom!” he called back and she giggled.

Beckham stopped mid-stride on his way back to her. He saw her watching him and seemed to snap out of it. He came the rest of the way, sitting down beside her. Her hair was fanned out on the pillow and he pushed a few strands the rest of the way back.

Without thinking it through, she reached up and touched his lower lip. She couldn’t seem to stop herself—her eyes were always drawn to his mouth. She wanted to sink into those lips and bite …

She yanked her hand away.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I-”

He took her hand and put her fingers back on his lips. “Don’t stop.” His eyes crinkled up when he smiled.

Those chameleon eyes. They looked dark grey and smoky at the moment.

He was sexy as hell. And apparently he would always be her downfall.

Her fingers swept across his upper lip, following the curve and then feeling bolder, she pressed down on his lower lip until he opened his mouth.

His grin was mischievous as he let her touch and then when she was least expecting it, his tongue came out and circled around her finger. She went completely still. He teased her finger a little more, waiting to see what she would do, and then without warning, he leaned down and…

“Beck? My game stopped working. Can you turn it back on?” Leo asked softly. His eyes veered between the two of them. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh just making sure your mom … feels better.” Beckham’s eyes widened at Roxie, but she didn’t try to help him out. He stood up. “What’s going on with that game?” They walked out of the room with Leo telling him in great detail how he’d tried to get it working.

Roxie turned on the side that didn’t feel as bruised and willed her heart to calm down. She was playing a dangerous game, one where she and Leo would be devastated, but today, the pull to Beckham felt stronger than her anger and self-control. She closed her eyes and imagined the kiss he would have given her if Leo hadn’t walked in, and fell asleep.

She woke up to voices in the other room. It sounded like Sierra with Leo. She sat up and forced herself to get out of bed.

Leo, Sierra, and Beckham looked up from the couch when she walked in the room.

“Hi, Mama!” Leo said, taking a bite of a hot fudge sundae.

Beckham and Sierra had ice cream too. He looked guiltily at Roxie as he took a bite. “Come here, we’ll share. And we can order you one too. Were we too loud?” he asked, bopping Sierra with a throw pillow. “It’s her fault!”

“No, it’s fine … I can’t believe I fell asleep!” Roxie said sheepishly. “You act like me and Chloe … I need to check on her, by the way.”

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” Sierra said, shyly, silently offering up her own truce. “Chloe was having her own fun with Taz. She’s fine, trust me.” She smiled.

“Looks like I’m missing a party in here,” Roxie said with a grin. “I’m not usually around you both at the same time.”

“I know! My brother’s been hogging you and Leo!” Sierra pinched Beckham. “I was gonna come skating today, but sounds like it’s a good thing I didn’t—I heard you took a bad fall. You feelin’ it now?” Sierra asked.

“I’m so sore,” Roxie admitted.

“Beckham texted me and I picked up some Motrin on the way over…” Sierra pointed at the bag of medicine.

“Thanks! Perfect timing.” She opened the bottle.

Beckham handed her a bottle of water.

“You guys are quite the team,” she said.

Beckham and Sierra looked at each other.

“We’ve fooled another one,” Sierra said.

“Come on, you know you love me.” Beckham got in her face. “Come on, say it, say you love me!” Sierra was about to take a bite of ice cream and bumped the spoon so it landed on her chin.

Leo laughed his belly laugh and had to set his ice cream down so it wouldn’t spill.

“Oh, you’ve got someone on your side now, don’t you?” Sierra said, laughing. She put a big dollop of ice cream in Beckham’s hair.

Leo’s eyes got huge and then his laugh took over. He stood up and tried to catch his breath but couldn’t stop laughing.

“Wait. Stop! Stop. Can’t breathe. Oh my goodness. They’re crazy, Mama!”

Roxie was laughing almost as hard. “I know it!”

Beckham stood up. “Oh, you think we’re crazy, huh?” He put the whipped cream on Leo’s nose. There was so much that the cherry stayed upright in the whipped cream.

Leo started the duck dance, trying to keep the cherry on his nose.

They all lost it then.

Sierra and Leo were playing Mario Kart and Leo kept winning, much to Sierra’s aggravation. While they were battling it out, Beckham motioned for Roxie to come in the other room. He leaned against the doorjamb and touched her cheek.

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “I’m feeling better.”

“Good. I’ve gotta get ready to go see Fallon in just a little bit here, but I’m wondering … would you want to come with me? I’d love for you to meet Jimmy. He’s great. Leo’s good here with Sierra. She mentioned earlier she was free to watch him, if we wanted. Or if you don’t feel like getting out, would you … stay … here? With me? I’ll be late, but we can watch a movie when I get back or something.”

“I don’t know, Beckham. This is … weird. I probably shouldn’t. Things are still not resolved with us, you know…”

“I know. I know.” He rubbed his hand over his head, making his hair go every which way. “I promised myself I wouldn’t let myself get sucked in by you today, but I just can’t … stop.” He shut the door and pulled her against it. He rested his hands against the wall and pressed his body against hers. “I’ve stopped thinking rationally,” he said. “I just … as much as I try to fight it, I need you, Roxie. I need to touch you. I need to be with you. I just want you in my space, making yourself at home with my things.” His mouth was an inch from hers. “I want to eat your lips. They drive me insane. That thing you do with your hair when you get nervous and you tug on it. I can’t take it anymore. And I know, believe me, I know we have a lot of issues to deal with, but when I’m with you, it just all fades away…”

He leaned back to look in her eyes and she couldn’t take it anymore either. She wanted to stay angry at him, but she just couldn’t. She grabbed his face and brought his mouth to hers. When his tongue touched hers, she moaned and then prayed to God that Leo and Sierra hadn’t heard her. She pulled back.

“No, please don’t stop. Please,” Beckham whispered, kissing her neck.

He went back for her mouth, kissing everywhere but right on her lips. For such sweet kisses, it was so intense. Like drowning without fighting to break the surface again.

Sink, sink, sink.

Let me drown if it means this.

She lived for more and when his mouth teased her lips, she stopped fighting it and kissed him with every shred of attraction, anger, and lust she felt for him.

Actually, it felt like a lot more than that.

It felt like breath.

Fuel.

Home.

It took every scrap of strength Beckham possessed to leave her in his hotel room. He could still feel her lips on him. Just a taste and he was ready to move heaven and earth to get another. He couldn’t convince her to come out with him, which was disappointing, but he thought he had talked her into staying there, so he was already looking forward to that.

Beckham and Ian had a blast with Jimmy. He knew Jimmy and Ian would hit it off. The three of them were completely in sync and did a segment where they sang everything like Elton John. Everything clicked into place like it was supposed to—improvisation came so easily when he was comfortable. His band joined The Roots, and that was a kick. If every night could be exactly like this one, he wouldn’t want to leave the business.

He shut the show down and was saying good-night to Ian and his band, when he checked his messages. There was a missed call from the lab. He called the technician’s number immediately and was happy when it didn’t go to voicemail.

“Do you have the results? This is Beckham.” He loosened his tie, so he could breathe better.

“I do. The results are negative. You are not the father.”

Beckham leaned against the car, feeling like he was just sucker-punched. He motioned for Howie to unlock the door. As soon as he did, Beckham sat down and leaned his head between his legs.

“You’re sure?” he asked.

“We’re 99.8% sure,” was the reply.

“I guess that’s pretty sure,” he said softly. “Thank you. I appreciate you letting me know.”

He ended the call and put his hands on his head. He didn’t know what to think. Part of him wanted to redo the test at least a dozen times, even though that was nonsense. The other part raged for not believing Roxie in the first place. And another, very small part of him, hated her for being right.

He wanted so badly for Leo to be his. Had he imagined everything—the similarities, the bond, the rightness of it all—just because he so desperately wanted it to be? Was he that fucking lonely?

“Drive around, Howie. I can’t go back yet,” he said.

He was so ashamed of how he’d treated her. He couldn’t believe she’d had anything to do with him after he’d been so hateful. He imagined her earlier that night, pressed up against him, as hungry for him as he was for her. At least it had seemed that way. But he didn’t know what to believe anymore.

They drove for hours. He wanted to go in every single bar they passed, but instead gripped the edge of the seat so hard it hurt.