Текст книги "Something for the Pain"
Автор книги: Victoria Ashley
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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
HAVING TRIPP WALK OUT THAT door has been one of the worst feelings of my entire life. I never thought I’d see the day that Tripp walked away from me, not wanting to be near me. It kills me, and I’m not afraid to admit that I can’t handle it.
It’s been four days now, and the longer that she’s gone the more it causes an ache in my chest. It feels so heavy that it sometimes feels hard to breathe. I feel like a piece of me is missing. The problem is, I know exactly what that piece is, but that piece isn’t ready to come back to me yet, and I’m afraid that forcing it will only push her further from my reach. I’m not willing to lose her forever.
I’m sitting at Monty’s by myself, checking my phone every few minutes to see if Tripp has responded to any of my messages yet. I asked her to meet me here so we could talk. It’s the one place that I thought she’d agree to.
Looking down at my phone I notice that there’s still no response, and my heart sinks for what seems like the millionth time since Tripp stormed away.
Slowly exhaling, I toss my phone into the wall beside me and run my hands through my hair, tugging. Suddenly, eating seems like the last thing I want to do, so I shove my plate aside, grab my cracked phone, and toss some cash on the table.
I’ve been sitting in that spot for three hours now and the disappointment that I feel can’t be denied. I can’t sit here anymore because it hurts too much. It’s pretty clear that she doesn’t want to see me right now.
Lost in hurt and anger at myself, as well as my idiotic decisions over the last few weeks, I drive home, grab my guitar, and play to myself for hours. It’s my only for sure escape.
Every so often I look over as if expecting Tripp to be there, listening beside me, but she’s not. I never thought there’d be a day that would happen, and I never want to feel the emptiness that it brings again.
I need to do something before it’s too late. I know that now more than ever . . .
I LOOK DOWN AT MY phone for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. Seeing Alex’s unanswered message causes an ache in my chest that I can’t explain.
It kills me. I almost can’t take it, but I know that if I cave and see him now, it’s going to hurt way too much when we realize that we need to move on and put the last few weeks behind us. I’m not ready for that disappointment and I’m afraid that what’s left of my heart will die.
Running my fingers over his message, I click reply and stop to stare at the screen. I stare at it for a while, trying to figure it out. How do I say no to Alex? How do I tell him that I’m not ready to lose him yet . . . or that I’m in love with him and can’t live without him?
I don’t. I can’t, so I toss my phone aside and bury myself under the blanket, holding back the cries that have been burning in the back of my throat all day. It feels raw.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly into the air. “So sorry.”
I never meant to lose you . . .
TRIPP HASN’T BEEN HOME IN eight days now. Eight fucking days! She hasn’t been at work either. I’ve been texting her pretty much every hour for the last few days, but all she’s been sending back are short, one worded answers. At least that’s an improvement from before. I hate that she feels she has to do that with me. It just shows me how truly confused and stressed out she must be feeling at the moment. I want to fix that, but she’s not giving me the chance right now, and I refuse to tell her something this important over a fucking text message.
Lucas just walked in the door from work or who the fuck knows where. We haven’t spoken since that day and we have been working to avoid each other. He gets ready to walk into the kitchen but stops and grips the doorframe when he sees me standing shirtless, dripping with sweat.
I’m pretty sure he knows not to fuck with me right now.
“Tripp won’t answer her phone still. Good job, shithead.” He releases the doorframe and walks over to the fridge, pulling out a beer. “I’ve called her like ten damn times just today. Nothing. I have to hear her fucking voice on a recording.”
I steel my jaw and pour my bottled water over my head, not having shit to say. I have to admit that I’m happy to hear that she’s not answering for him.
He continues talking when he realizes that he’s about to have a one-sided conversation. “I had a feeling there was more to your friendship all along, but I needed to know before things between Tripp and I became serious.” He pauses to open his beer and tilt it back. He sets it down hard. “You might not believe it, but I love her too, dammit. I’ve given Tripp her damn space for the last twelve months, hoping that she would see me with other women and realize that she was ready to have me to herself. Not one time has she shown any kind of jealousy when it comes to me with another woman. Never.”
I shake my wet hair and grip the counter.
“I was jealous as shit to see you two together, but I had to know if I was right about you two. I needed to know if she loved you, and after that night I know for a fact that she does. She doesn’t love me, man. It sucks, but it’s mostly my fault. I guess it’s true what they say . . . Never let your girl have a male best friend.”
I tilt my head his way. He’s gripping his bottle so tightly that his knuckles are white.
“Alex fucking Carter,” he grumbles. “You’re the reason she was never ready in the first place. It was you that she was afraid of losing all along.”
His words cause my heart to ache. What if he’s right? What if she has been waiting all these years for me and I was the idiot, trying my best to keep myself from falling. I’m a fucking asshole.
Shit, Tripp . . . I’m an idiot.
I push away from the counter and look up at the clock to see that it’s past ten. Tara is probably in bed, ready to get up early for work in the morning. I need to see Tripp. Tonight.
I give Lucas one last look before gripping my shirt, throwing it on, and running out the door.
My truck is in reverse and pulling out of the driveway before I can fully think it through. This is something that needs to be said in person, and the idea of making her wait any longer is killing me.
All of the lights are off when I arrive in front of Tara’s house. Just like in the past, I jog over to the side of the house and reach for Tripp’s window to open it. I push up, but it doesn’t move.
“Fuck.”
She never locks her window. My stomach sinks and I find myself gripping my hair in frustration. I need to get to her and it seems as if she’s doing what she can to keep me away. A feeling of pain so deep rushes through me that I have the urge to punch something, but I don’t. I can’t lose my temper.
I glance over at Tara’s window and see that it’s opened a crack. Without a second thought, I push her window open and shove my leg through it.
Tara quickly sits up from bed and whisper yells my name once I get fully inside. “Alex!” She rubs her hands over her face and shakes her head at me. “It’s called the front door. The key is on your ring. It has been for years now. Give the window a rest and let me get my rest.”
I rush over to Tara, grab her head, and kiss the top of it. “Sorry, Tara. I need to see Tripp.”
Tara gives me an understanding look and smiles tiredly at me. “I’m glad you’re here,” she whispers. “Now get out of here. I have a lunch date tomorrow and I need all the beauty rest I can get.”
I grin at her. “Nah . . . you don’t need any.” Then I quickly rush out the bedroom door, making my way next door to Tripp’s room.
I stop and take a deep breath, before pushing her door open and stepping inside.
She’s sitting up on her bed, looking straight at me when I enter, as if she’s been waiting.
“Your window was locked,” I say gently.
She pulls her eyes away from me, and huffs. “I know. I just needed a little more time alone.” She jumps to her feet and throws her arms up. “I’m so fucking confused right now. I’m filled with so many emotions that I can’t figure out how to breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating, Alex. I can’t fucking breathe,” she cries.
I reach out to touch her face, but she turns away from me. It fucking kills me. “Tripp . . . we need to talk. I need to tell you–”
“Alex,” she cuts me off. “Can we wait until tomorrow? I just need tonight to really get all my thoughts together before I say or do something that I might regret for the rest of my life. I want you here . . .” She turns around and our eyes meet. I hate the pain I see in hers, but I have a feeling that mine are reflecting the same. “But it might not be the best right now. A lot has happened over the weeks. I think we both need this right now. I’m scared. So damn scared. Please understand.”
It hurts like hell, but I respect her with everything in me, and if she needs another night I will give it to her, but one night is all I’m willing to give. “Okay,” I whisper. I pull her into my arms and hold her for what feels like forever. My heart feels like it’s beating again for the first time in eight days. Then I kiss the top of her head, like I always do. “After I get off work tomorrow. I don’t need any more time to think. I know what I want and I’m coming to find you the minute I walk out that damn door.”
Pulling away, she looks up at me as I back away from her. “I’m not working tomorrow. I’m going with Tara on her lunch date and then I’m coming back here. I’ll be ready to talk. I promise.”
I nod my head and walk away before I can lose it and tell her everything that I’m dying to say right now. I gently close her door behind me, careful not to disturb Tara anymore tonight.
It’s going to be a bitch to get through work tomorrow . . .
“YO, DUDE. WHAT THE FUCK?” The skater-looking dude with blue hair that I’ve been working on pulls his arm away and sits up. “Do you need a break or something? You’re in a zombie zone or some shit. Don’t fuck my shit up.”
I take a deep breath and pull his arm back to its original position, not giving a shit if I piss him off at this point. “Hold still,” I say stiffly.
I swear if I don’t get out of here soon, I’m going to fucking lose it. I’ve been in this damn room for the last three hours, when all I really want to do is be in whatever room Tripp is.
I get distracted when my phone vibrates across the desk. It’s the second time in the last three minutes, and with each time I get more anxious, wondering if it’s Tripp.
“You need to get that, dude?”
Flexing my jaw, I set the gun down and pull my gloves off. “Give me a minute.”
“Whatever gets your head back in the game, bro. I’m going outside for a smoke.”
My heart skips a beat when I pick up my cell to see Tripp’s name flash across the screen. This is now the third time. That doesn’t sit well with me.
With my heart racing, I answer it. “Tripp, is everything–”
“Hello,” A voice that isn’t Tripp’s interrupts me. “Is this Alex?”
Feeling as if my hearts going to beat out of my chest, I grip the desk. “What the fuck is going on? Where’s Tripp?”
The girl on the other end is silent for a few seconds, causing my anxiety to grow.
“Answer me,” I growl into the phone. “Please.”
“I’m sorry. Your friend was involved in a car accident.” My heart fucking stops as she continues. “I found her phone in the car and dialed the last person that she talked to. She’s being loaded into the ambulance as we speak. I think she may need you.”
“Fuck!” I start shaking as I reach for my keys and run out the door, still holding the phone. “Text me the name of which hospital they are taking her to.”
I shove the door open and rush past my client, not bothering to stop as he questions where the fuck I’m going.
All I can think about is losing Tripp. I can’t lose her. It’s taking everything in me right now not to break down and fucking cry. This is my worst nightmare. I need to get to her.
Not even a minute of being on the road and the message comes from Tripp’s phone telling me the name of which hospital she’s at.
Slamming down on the gas pedal, I drive as fast as I can for as long as I can, until traffic slows me down, bringing me to a complete stop.
“Fucking get out of my way!” I turn on my emergency flashers and punch the horn repeatedly, knowing damn well that it’s not going to do shit to get me there sooner.
Looking around me, I try to back out of traffic, but other cars start piling up behind me, blocking me in. This is when I really start to lose it.
“Fuck this . . .”
Opening my door, I jump out of my truck and start running, weaving my way through traffic. Cars start honking and yelling at me when they realize that I’m leaving my truck there, but I could care less. I think I even jumped over one of the cars. I can’t be sure, because everything is in a haze.
I run fifteen blocks, not stopping once to catch my breath, not even when I get to the hospital. Fuck my lungs. Fuck the pain burning in my chest. All I care about is getting to my woman.
Rushing inside, I grip the desk and yell out Tripp’s name. “Tripp Daniels!” I fight to catch my breath as the woman starts typing her name into the computer. “Hurry!” I yell, getting impatient.
“I’m sorry, sir.” The woman looks up from the computer. “Her name is not listed here. I checked twice.”
I slam my fist down, starting to lose my shit even more. “Check again.”
The woman swallows and gives me a sympathetic look. “I understand your worry, sir, but I can assure you her name is not listed.”
Cursing to myself, I run my hands up and down my sweaty face, before putting my thoughts together. I remember her saying she was going on a lunch date with Tara today. “Can you please check for Tara Daniels?”
The woman nods her head and starts typing into the computer again. “Yes, sir. Tara is here, but you have to be family to go back. What is your name?”
“Shit!” I grip my hair, knowing that this isn’t going to go well. I need to get the fuck back there. “Alex Carter,” I say stiffly.
The woman smiles and then presses a button. “She’s in room 107. It’s going to be on–”
Before she can finish I rush through the door and start running like a fucking crazy person. Someone stops walking to yell at me to slow down, but I ignore him.
I stop to take a deep breath when I reach room 107, before poking my head around the curtain to see Tara sitting up and watching TV.
Her eyes widen in surprise when she sees me. “Alex, how did you know I was here?”
I walk over to the side of her bed and grab her hand. “Fuck, you’re okay. Where’s Tripp? Is she hurt? Tell me!”
Tara gives me a confused look and squeezes my hand. “Tripp is fine. She’s at work. She got asked to cover a shift.”
Relief washes over me and I pull Tara in for the biggest hug of her life. I’m squeezing her so tightly that I’m almost afraid of hurting her, but she doesn’t seem to be in pain.
“Alex.” She runs her hand over my forehead after we pull away. “Are you feeling well? I’m so damn confused right now.”
I shake my head and grab the chair behind me, pulling it up next to the bed. “Some woman called me from Tripp’s phone and said she was in an accident, so I got here as fast as I could.”
“Shit.” Tara takes a deep breath and relaxes into her bed. “She must’ve left her phone in my car. Dax called her when we were on the way to my lunch date so I dropped her off at the bar.”
I smile. “I’m sorry. I’m not happy that you’re here, but I’m sure as fuck happy to hear that Tripp is okay.” I stand up and reach for my cell. “I’ll call Tripp at work and let her know what happened.”
“No.” Tara shakes her head. “I’m fine. They just want to run a few tests before sending me home. I don’t want to distract Tripp while she’s at work.”
I put my phone away and take a seat again, reaching for a magazine.
“What are you doing?” Tara asks with a small smile.
“Staying here.” I throw my leg up and get comfortable. “I’m not leaving you here alone, Tara.”
Tara looks at me lovingly, making me feel as if I truly am family. “You’re a good guy, Alex. I love you like family. You know that right?”
I smile and close the magazine. “I kind of figured that when my name was on the list of family for visitors. I love you too, Tara. You’re like the aunt I never had.”
THEY RAN A COUPLE TESTS on Tara and finally released her a couple hours later. After getting her comfortable on the couch, I make her the lunch that she never got to eat and leave her to relax.
I recovered Tripp’s phone from the hospital and shoved it in my pocket with mine. It’s so weird wanting to talk to her, but knowing that her phone is with me. I can’t remember a time that we haven’t texted each other through work.
It looks like my only option is to see her at work. I just need to make a quick stop first.
I just hope that she’s ready for me . . .
EVERYTHING IN ME WISHES THAT I would have told Dax no when he asked me to come in today. I have too much on my mind and I’ve been messing up most of the orders since I walked through that door; mixing the wrong drinks or even forgetting to make them completely. I’m a complete mess right now, not to mention that I forgot my phone in Tara’s car. That never happens, confirming just how messed up I am.
I keep wanting to check it to see if Alex has texted me, but every time I go to reach for it by the register, I have to remind myself that it’s not there. I may be too mixed up to think straight or even talk to Alex right now, but seeing his messages come through calms me unlike anything else in this world can.
I know we need to talk later. There’s so much that needs to be figured out, but I’m terrified. I’m so terrified that my chest hurts.
Lucas and I are done; that I know for sure, and I’m okay with it. It was never meant to be in the first place. It’s where Alex and I stand that scares the living shit out of me. I keep replaying this stupid made up conversation in my head, where I confess to Alex that I’m madly in love with him and he tells me that we can never be more than friends. The more I play it in my head, the more it begins to feel like reality; a reality that I don’t want.
“Hey! Hey!” Dax snaps his fingers at me. “Did you get that order? Get it together, Tripp.”
“I got it, Dax.” I snap. “Just go. You’re messing me up.” I usher him out from behind the bar and he gives me a hard look, then stands by the end of the bar watching me, to make sure I really have it.
Luckily I manage to actually have it this time. The last thing I want to deal with right now is Dax riding my ass because I messed up again.
Finally, an hour later, it calms down enough for me to get a glass of soda and breathe for a minute.
“Hey, sweets.”
I look beside me and smile as Harley leans in next to me and nudges my shoulder. “Hey, lady.”
I try to act as if everything is okay, but by the look on Harley’s face I can tell that I’m giving my true feelings away.
“I’m sorry, sweets.” She rests her head on my shoulder. “I would tell you again that everything will be okay, but I know you’re not looking to hear it from me.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. “At least I’ll still have you by my side when this is all over.”
Harley pushes my arm. “Oh stop it. You’re depressing me with that talk. Alex isn’t going anywhere. I promise . . . but like I said, you don’t want to hear it from me.”
“Yeah . . .” I admit. “I won’t believe it until it comes from Alex. I guess I’ll know once I actually get out of this stupid place.”
I reach for my glass and get ready to refill my soda when I hear it: This Year’s Love by David Gray. It sounds like it’s coming from across the room.
My breath hitches in my throat and I drop my glass, watching it shatter next to my feet. I know for a fact that it’s not the radio, because the radio has been turned down all day.
The sound gets closer, and the next thing I know I’m fighting for air as I turn around to see Alex with his guitar, walking straight for me.
He looks like a sexy, sinful dream come true . . . with his ripped up jeans and guitar, all tatted up. I have forgotten how to breathe at this point, and my heart leaps straight out of my chest as he gets closer.
Everyone around us quiets down and watches Alex as he drops down on one knee and starts singing the beginning Lyrics.
“This year’s love had better last. Heaven knows it’s high time. I’ve been waiting on my own too long . . .”
Tears begin to stream down my face as I watch him looking at me, as if he’s going to break down and cry himself. His jaw keeps flexing and his hands are shaking, but his eyes never leave mine as he continues to sing in front of the whole bar.
Girls all around me start to gather and swoon as Alex motions with his head for me to come to him.
Slowly, I force my feet to work and walk around the bar. As soon as I get close enough to Alex, he stands up and grabs my face, singing to me without any music from his guitar.
“When you kiss me on that midnight street. Sweep me off my feet . . .”
Singing, he presses his forehead to mine and starts rubbing his thumbs over my face, wiping my tears away. I start to cry more as he swings his guitar behind him and wraps his arms around me, moving us both to the music.
“Is this really happening? Alex . . .” I whisper into his chest.
I can’t believe this is happening right now. I feel as if any second now I’m going to wake up from this perfect moment and be standing here in this stupid bar, wishing that I were with Alex.
He whispers the last word to the song, before cupping my face and pressing his lips to mine. His kiss is so intense . . . so desperate and full of need that I almost die right here in his perfect arms: the perfect kiss of death.
His breath fans against my lips when he pulls away. “I love you, Tripp. I’m so fucking in love with you that I need you to breathe. I’ve been in love with you since the first day we met and every day with you only makes me love you more and realize that I never want to go another day without you. You are and will always be the best thing in my life and I promise to never let you forget that. I need to know that you love me too.” He pulls my chin up and looks me in the eyes, before whispering,” Do you?”
My eyes search his and I forget how to speak as he watches me, waiting for an answer. My grip on him tightens as I finally get my mouth to work. “You have no idea. I love you so much that I can’t even breathe right now.” I hold a shaky hand up. “I’m shaking right now because I never thought this day would come. You’re my best friend and my whole world. I never want to lose you. I can’t lose you. I need to know that I never will.”
He tangles his hands into the back of my hair and moves his body into mine. “You will never lose me, Tripp. I just need to know one thing?” He runs his thumb over my bottom lip, taking my breath away. “Can I keep you? I don’t just mean for today or for a week or a month. I need to know that I can keep you forever. I need you to be my something for the pain for the rest of my life.”
He surprises me by dropping down to one knee and pulling a ring out of his pocket. “Tripp Hazel Daniels, will you be my wife? I want to marry you and make you smile every day for the rest of my life. I can’t imagine a life without you and I definitely don’t want to imagine your life without me in it. Say yes . . .” He whispers the last part and that’s when I lose it.
I drop down to my knees in front of him and place a hand over my mouth as the sobs start to escape. “Yes. Yes, Alex. A million times . . . yes! Every day for the rest of my life . . . yes.” I nod my head continuously as the tears run down my face, soaking the front of my shirt.
I can barely even see the ring when Alex slips it on my finger, and I truly don’t care. It could be a vending machine ring for all I care. All that matters to me is spending the rest of my life with my best friend: my future husband.
The bar erupts into cheers when Alex pulls me into his arms and kisses me. I can hear Harley happily crying above us and jumping around in excitement.
“Can I take you home? I’ve missed you so damn much.”
I nod my head and laugh through the tears. “Yes, please. I need to get out of here.”
“Good.” Alex pulls me up to my feet and sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, biting it playfully, before releasing it. “Because I have eight days to make up to my fiancé.” He smiles big, flashing his dimples. “Fuuck . . . I love the way that sounds.”
I throw my arms around him and kiss him so hard that he almost falls backward into the bar. He grabs the back of my neck and smiles when we break the kiss. “Damn, baby. Now I really can’t wait to get you home.”
Harley throws her arms around me the second that she sees an opening. “I knew it!” She squeals. “I so knew it. Now get out of here. It’s slow enough now. Dax can fuck off.”
“I love you,” I say thankfully. “Thank you, Harley.”
Grabbing me by the back of the neck, Alex pulls me in for a long kiss, before grabbing my hand and leading me out of the bar.
I can’t stop smiling as I look at our hands entwined together. Everything about it just feels so right.
“I love it too,” Alex says, pulling our hands up to kiss mine. “So get used to this; every fucking day. I am your man and I promise you I will show you that in every possible way.”
“You’re perfect, Alex. Seriously perfect,” I admit.
Alex pins me against his truck and spreads my legs with his thigh, making me straddle it. “I’m only perfect with you, babe.” He kisses me soft and deep, before stopping and smiling against my lips. “I love you, Firecracker.”
I moan as he pushes his thigh further between my legs, breathing heavily against my lips. “I love you.” I lean my head back. “So damn much.”
Alex removes his thigh from between my legs and smiles. “I’m going to love hearing that for the rest of my life.” He bites his bottom lip seductively. “I want to get you home, but we have a stop to make first. I’ll explain on the way.”
Grabbing my ass, he helps me into his truck and rushes over to the other side. He starts his truck and hands me my phone. “Why don’t you give Tara a call and tell her we’re on the way.”
I swallow hard, beginning to worry that something bad happened, but knowing Alex, he would be freaking out a lot more than he is if it had. It instantly calms me, letting me know that everything will be okay.
Alex always makes everything okay, and now I have the chance to show him that for the rest of my life. Tripp Carter . . . I love the sound of that, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
