Текст книги "Sweet Nothing"

Автор книги: Teresa Mummert

Соавторы: Jamie McGuire
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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

I looked at Josh, unconvinced.

“I know how he feels about you,” Ginger said. “I wouldn’t do that to him.”

“And,” Josh said, still bent over.

Ginger smiled and rolled her eyes, handing me his things. “And Michaels tried to persuade him several times that she was ready if he was willing, and he made it clear he was only going home with you.”

“You’re a good boy after all,” I said, running my hand over his back in a small circle.

He swallowed. “Yes, but if you keep doing that, I’m going to puke again.”

“Sorry,” I said, grabbing his arm and reaching around his back to guide him.

“Where are we going?” Josh asked.

“I’m taking you home,” I said, walking him to the passenger side of my car.

Ginger winked at me before walking back to the bar.

“Ginger,” I called after her. She stopped, her hand on the door as she turned around. “Thanks for taking care of him.”

Her smile grew, and she nodded before disappearing inside the bar. I slid into the driver side, looking to my right. Josh had already leaned his seat back, his arm thrown over his eyes.

I leaned over, covering him with his hoodie.

He peeked at me with one eye. “I wish I didn’t feel like shit. I so want to hold you right now.”

“Shower and toothpaste first, then I’ll think about it,” I said, pulling the gear into drive.

Josh reached over, feeling blindly until he found my hand and then squeezed. “Thank God,” he whispered, pure relief in his voice. “Thank God.”

It had been seven weeks and four days since I thought I was going to lose the one person in the world who saw me—the real me.

That moment was enough to make me realize I should definitely never take eight shots of hard liquor on an empty stomach, but more importantly, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl.

I wanted to prove I was serious and committed to her, but I knew it would take more than a penny, even though since the second she’d put it back on, she’d cherished that necklace as if it were one of the queen’s jewels.

“I can’t believe you’re going to propose, man.” Quinn glanced over at me from the driver seat of the ambulance with a grin on his face.

“Like you haven’t thought about it,” I shot back. The wagon rocked back and forth after Quinn hit a pothole too fast, and I reached for the overhead handle.

“What Deb and I have is different.”

“Judging by that weird fucking swing she had you put in your bedroom, I’d have to agree with you.”

We laughed, but it did little to settle my nerves as the diamond ring I’d picked out for Avery burned a hole in my pocket.

I’d never pictured myself settling down with anyone, but now it felt like the world would crash and burn around me if she didn’t say yes. Why was I so scared?

Quinn’s expression turned serious. “Can I ask you something? Something you may not like?”

I frowned. “Sure.”

“What’s your hurry, brother? It’s been what … six months?”

“I don’t know. It’s like an itch in a place I can’t quite reach. It’s this vague worry in the back of my head. It’s always there.”

“Like what?” Quinn asked, his nose wrinkling.

“That if I don’t nail this down, she’s going to disappear. Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed with her, I feel like she’s there, but she’s not. Like it’s literally too good to be true.”

“That’s just your insecurities talking, man. Avery is in love with you. She sees how much you’ve changed. She knows you think this is something special.”

I shook my head. “That’s not it, Quinn. I know she loves me. I’m not worried about her.”

“Then what?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Like something’s just on the edge, waiting to fuck things up. Something out of my control.”

“You can quit worrying, Josh. We control nothing.”

I grimaced. “You’re not making me feel any better.”

Quinn took one hand off the wheel and slapped my shoulder. “You’ll be fine. She’s going to say yes and you’ll live happily ever after.”

“Hey,” I said, pulling his hand off me. “Keep your hand on the wheel.”

He sighed and shook his head. “It’s already started.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m your first partner, so I get why you don’t see it. See, the guys start out here, and they inevitably find a serious girlfriend, because—” he popped his collar “—the uniform gets ‘em wet.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Then the worry starts. They quit running toward the burning cars, they start wearing their seat belt, they start saying pussy things like ‘Keep your eyes on the road, Quinn,’” he said, lowering his voice. “Like before you got engaged or had a kid you didn’t have anything to live for.”

“I didn’t.”

“Psh. Pussy.”

I smiled, never so grateful for an insult.

My shift ended, and I hurried over to Benched for a workout. Lifting always helped clear my head, but even after an hour and sweat pouring from my body, my head was still consumed by thoughts of Avery. It had been that way for weeks, which was why I bought the ring. Nerve-racked or not, I had to make it official, had to make her mine. I just needed it to be perfect.

With my thoughts overrun by planning for our future, I hurried back to my apartment to prepare dinner, knowing Avery would be too tired to cook when she finished her shift.

I’d picked up a few groceries the day before. Now that Avery had been spending more nights at my place, I tried to keep more in the fridge. Unfortunately, I lacked any real cooking skills, so I was attempting to make spaghetti, which didn’t look like it could be that hard.

I was just dishing the noodles onto plates when Avery walked in the door with a groan. Her ponytail had slid down to the nape of her neck, and dark circles shadowed the underneath of her eyes, but she still looked beautiful in her peach scrubs.

“That shift was never-ending,” she huffed as she kicked off her sneakers. She padded her way to the kitchen, rising up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

“I hope you worked up an appetite.”

“Mmm … what’s that smell?”

“That’s not very nice. Dax can’t help his … aroma.”

Avery laughed, shaking her head. “I thought you couldn’t cook?”

“I figured it was time I learned.” I grabbed both of our paper plates and carried them into the living room, placing them on the coffee table. “We need to get a real table.”

Avery looked at me sideways with an amused smirk before she picked up her fork and began to spin the noodles. “A table? You don’t even have real plates.”

“Neither do you.” I elbowed her lightly, taking a bite of my food. Damn, I’m not a bad cook after all. “Maybe we can buy a set at The Kitchen Store this weekend.”

“Plates?”

“Why not? Normal people have dishes. They also have this really cool silverware made out of metal.”

“Yeah.” She breathed out a laugh. “But those people live together, Josh.”

“You’re right. We can move your stuff in this weekend. I can get Quinn to help. We can get dishes and a table next weekend. And a strainer. You don’t even want to know what I had to do to strain the noodles,” I said, hoping to God she didn’t freak out.

Avery dropped her fork, her mouth gaping open. “Seriously?”

“I mean, I’d have to ask him first, but he wouldn’t mind helping out if he doesn’t have plans with Deb.”

“So, you’re going to ask Quinn. How about asking me first?”

My heart felt like it seized. I slowly turned to her, swallowing hard. “Avery,” I began, nervous as hell. “Move in with me.”

She placed her small hands on either side of my face. “On one condition.”

“Name it.”

“My apartment is at least ten years younger. How about you move in with me?”

“Yeah,” I said without hesitation.

“Maybe we should think about this for a week or so. We shouldn’t make a decision like this without really thinking it over.”

“Avery, I’ve thought about it. A lot.”

“You have?”

“You haven’t?” I asked, feeling nervous all over again.

“It’s a big step.”

“I know this is what I want. I don’t wanna waste any more time.”

“Living together can really be hard on a relationship.”

“I’m starting to wonder if it’s you who isn’t sure about us.”

“It’s not us I’m unsure of. It’s the living together, family … the entire idea just makes me nervous. I don’t have a lot of good experience with family.”

“You have me,” I said, feeling hurt. Avery was all the family I’d ever needed, and as far as I was concerned, we already were. “We can make family a good memory for us, Avery. I thought that’s what we’ve been doing.”

Her shoulders sank. This was so unlike Avery that I wasn’t sure what to do. I had known from the beginning a relationship with me scared her, but after everything, I’d thought we were past that.

I lifted her chin with my finger, forcing her to look me in the eye. “What can I do?

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not giving up, so tell me what I need to do to make you okay with this.”

“There’s so much we don’t know about each other. I haven’t even met your parents.”

I visibly cringed. I wasn’t expecting that at all. “Avery, that’s not a good idea.”

“Are you ashamed of me?” she asked.

“What? No, hell no,” I said.

“Then why?”

“It’s hard to explain,” I said.

“Something I’d have to see for myself?” she asked.

I closed my eyes. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“How are we supposed to live together if you don’t trust me to love you? I’m not going to judge you because of your parents, Josh. I know you don’t judge me because of mine.”

My eyebrows pulled in. “Your parents died, Avery. How could I judge you for that?”

“Because I lived, and they didn’t.”

I blinked then shook my head. “Don’t say that. It was an accident.”

“So was ours, but it’s still my fault. Don’t think I don’t remember pulling out on a red light.”

“Stop,” I said, watching her eyes gloss over. “I don’t want you to blame yourself for either. What good would it have done if you’d died with your parents? They wouldn’t have wanted that, Avery.”

“I know,” she said, picking at her nails. “But I thought you’d understand.”

“Understand what?”

“Feeling guilty. We were both kids.”

I stood. “Oh, no. You can’t compare the two. And this isn’t about me.”

She reached for me, but missed.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Bring up my sister to avoid talking about your parents.” I felt my cheeks warm, and I began to pace. It was a strange feeling, wanting to hold her and walk out at the same time.

She shook her head. “That’s not what I’m doing.”

“You sure?”

She blinked, looking around the room, as if the answer were in the corners. “I would be a horrible person if I were.”

“You’ve been doing it your whole life, Avery. I know exactly how it is. I don’t blame you, but you have to stop.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice breaking.

“You don’t like talking about them. You’ve barely said a word about them, but you can talk to me.”

“What else should I say?”

“That you miss them. How it affects your life now. How it affects us.”

She lifted her hands and let them slap against her thighs. “I miss them. Being forced to let them go made it impossible to hold on to anything. I could let go of Deb, my job. I could let go of you—right now, if I wanted—and not bat an eye.” She covered her mouth, shocked at her own admission.

A shot of adrenaline rushed through me. “Avery …” My teeth clenched. “Do you love me?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation.

Every one of my muscles relaxed, and then I pointed at her phone. “Call work. You’ll need a four-day weekend.”

Her hands slowly lowered from her face. “Why?”

“I’m taking you to Savannah to meet my parents.”

Avery was fidgeting with her yellow skirt that hung just below her knees. She was nervous about meeting my mother, and the icy road conditions did little to calm her fears.

Thankfully, we were heading south, where ice and snow wouldn’t be an issue.

“Are you sure this is okay?” she asked for the tenth time as I pulled off the highway, into a gas station.

“Yes.”

I could feel her watching me as I put the car into park next to a pump.

“You’ve barely said anything in the last hour,” she said.

“Sorry. I’ve been thinking.”

“About what?”

I sighed loudly, rolling my neck from side to side, needing to stretch my stiff muscles. “A lot of stuff, baby. Do you mind getting us snacks?”

She thought for a moment before she smiled and shook her head, causing her messy bun to bob back and forth.

I handed her a twenty from my wallet. “Could you grab me a vanilla Frappuccino while you’re at it?”

Avery took the bill from my fingers and pushed open her door. She walked across the lot, giving me a reprieve from her line of questioning. A couple of guys noticed her tiny skirt that was barely visible beneath my Adidas hoodie, and I bristled.

I got out of the car and began pumping gas while watching Avery through the large glass window of the gas station. She hated road trips, but she was excited to drive down with me to meet my family. I struggled to create a better memory for her, knowing what waited for us in Richmond Hill. I was dreading having to see my mother again. Last time I had been home, she was falling down and incoherent for the majority of my visit. But, if enduring her for a few days would make Avery happy, then I would gladly suffer through her presence.

While I waited for my tank to fill, I pulled out my cell phone and called my mom. After several rings, she answered, uncertainty in her tone.

“Hello?”

I squinted one eye, already regretting the call.

“Hello?” she said again.

“I’m coming home for the weekend,” I blurted out.

“Josh? This weekend? You could have let me know a few days ago. The house is a mess.” I rolled my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. My mother hadn’t cleaned her own home in years. She paid someone to come do it every few weeks.

“I’m not worried about the house. I’m bringing a friend.” I glanced up at the window to see Avery standing at the cash register, waiting to pay. “Is that going to be a problem?”

She was silent for a moment before responding.

“Of course not. Your friends are always welcome here.”

I mumbled a good-bye before disconnecting the call.

Avery returned, smiling brightly with her hands loaded with candy. “I thought you said it would be warm when we hit South Carolina?”

“I said it would be warmer. I told you not to wear a dress.”

She narrowed her eyes as she handed me my drink and made her way to her side of the car, slipping inside.

I hung the gas nozzle back on the pump and pressed the heels of my hands against the top of the car. I needed a second to get my head right before climbing into the car next to the girl I was trying to marry.

“I just wanted to look good for your parents.”

Rubbing my palm against my stubbled jaw, I spoke without looking at her. “I know, baby. I’m just … a little stressed.”

“If you don’t want me to meet your parents—”

“It’s not that, Avery. It’s my mom. She’s going to make this weekend hell.”

“I can handle one weekend.” She touched my leg. “Nothing she can do will ever change the way I feel about you. You know that, right?”

I recoiled from Avery’s sympathetic frown. Her feeling sorry for me was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t want her settling for the pathetic paramedic with a sad story instead of choosing Italian leather and a house in Alapocas. Even if she didn’t want to admit it, that fantasy sparkled in her eyes every time she looked at Doc Rose.

“Josh,” she prompted.

“I may have … downplayed Mom’s drinking problem. Last time I saw her, she could barely function.”

“Oh …” She fell silent.

“It’s okay, Avery. You didn’t know. I didn’t tell you how bad it was. I haven’t told anyone,” I said, sighing.

“Josh—”

“It’s not a big deal, Avery. I should have told you. It’s just a tough topic.”

“But it is … a big deal,” she said. “If you want to talk more about it, you can trust me.” She blinked her big green eyes, hopeful.

From the beginning, my past had been off limits. To Avery, talking things out made everything better. “Trust has nothing to do with it. I just don’t want to keep reliving it.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but saw me readjusting my grip on the steering wheel. I started the car and headed to the on-ramp of I-95.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push.”

“I know you want to help, baby, but there isn’t much to say.”

“You’re stressed. I just thought that maybe talking about your mom would make you less worried about seeing her.”

Stepping on the gas, I hurried to get up to speed with the other drivers. I drifted in and out of the passing lane as my memory was assaulted by visions of my childhood.

“She never recovered from losing Kayla. Their marriage suffered because of it. Nothing was the same after that. It was bad, and then it got worse. A lot worse. She turned to vodka, and he turned to other women.”

Avery’s fingers pressed into my leg. “That’s awful.”

I tossed those words around in my mind. Awful. Was it? She had checked out of our lives years ago. Not only had she withdrawn from me when we lost Kayla, but she had completely ignored my father. He was hurting too, and she had forced him to grieve alone. I didn’t blame him for seeking companionship from other women. He had suffered as much as she had, but he had been forgotten.

“He never blamed me. Not once.”

“Because you were a little boy, Josh.”

“They should have gotten a divorce a lot sooner than they did,” I said, picking at the steering wheel.

“Maybe they were afraid to lose anyone else.”

I glanced over at her, seeing a familiar, old hurt in her eyes. “Dad was finally able to make peace with the fact that his family could never be the same. That’s when he bought our first Mopar, a sixty-eight Dart GTS in Rallye Red with a 383 Magnum. We worked on it together every free moment we had. She was beautiful. When she was finished, Dad sold it and bought a sixty-nine Frost Green Road Runner with a big-block. We found comfort in restoring old cars. It was cheap therapy. I don’t know what I would have done without my dad.”

“Do you have to see your mom every time you visit your dad?”

“No, I guess not, but I feel like I should. She makes it harder than it has to be. She blames me, with every drink, every glare, every breath. Probably why I don’t come home as often as Dad would like.”

Avery covered her mouth and shook her head. “I am an asshole. I should have talked to you more before insisting we come here.”

I offered a small grin. “You were right, though. You need to know what you’re dealing with before you shack up with me.”

“That’s not why,” she said, shaking her head. “I just thought maybe … if I met them, somehow things would get better. That’s stupid, I know.” She became more flustered with every word.

I looked over at her, her cheeks pink, her eyes glossed over. I was complaining about having parents when she didn’t have any.

“Jesus, Avery. I’m the asshole.” I took her hand in mine, pulling it to my lips and pressing a kiss to her fingers.

“No, I get it.”

“You … you wanna …”

“Talk about it?” she asked with a knowing look. She raised an eyebrow. Damn it if she wasn’t rubbing off on me.

I shook my head and squeezed her hand. “I’m just nervous. You know that, right? I’m honestly not purposefully being a dick to you. If I didn’t think it was important, I wouldn’t be so worried.”

“You’re supposed to be trusting me,” she said, squeezing back.

I glanced over at her and then let my shoulders relax. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

She beamed, and I pressed my foot on the gas.

“I wasn’t sure you were really coming,” Mom said as we stepped inside the living room. I could tell she was as nervous as I was, and the smell of bourbon wafting in the air around her didn’t escape me.

The paint, carpet, and furniture still looked the way it had when I lived there.

“Mom, this is Avery. Avery, this is my mother, Mary.”

Mom grinned, pulling Avery in for a tight hug. “You are a pretty little thing,” she said as she pulled back, looking her over.

I could tell Mom was shocked that the friend I had brought home was female. I could have told her I was seeing someone, but I hadn’t called her since the accident.

“Pleasure to meet you.” Avery’s voice shook, but she kept a smile on her face. It occurred to me why she was nervous. She wasn’t judging me, or even my parents. She wanted this to be perfect because she loved me. Guilt panged in my gut from what a jerk I had been for most of the trip.

“I expected you earlier,” Mom said as she made her way toward the kitchen. I slid my fingers in Avery’s and gave her hand a gentle squeeze as we followed. Mom’s back was to us, but I could tell by the sound of glass clinking she was refreshing her drink.

“You didn’t know I was coming until a few hours ago.”

“It’s my fault. I made him stop at least a dozen times,” Avery said.

Mom smiled at Avery, but once she glanced in my direction, her lips pressed into a hard line.

“Well, at least you made it.” She shook her head in disapproval as she picked up a tea towel, folded it, and dropped it back on the table.

“Did we miss dinner?” I asked, rubbing my thumb over the back of Avery’s hand.

Mom laughed. “You know I don’t cook.”

“I’ll order something, then. We haven’t eaten. You have a menu for Wok n Roll?”

Mom pulled open a kitchen drawer, sifting through a few menus before holding one out to me. Avery’s eyes lit up at the thought of Japanese food.

“They don’t deliver anymore. You’ll have to pick it up,” Mom spoke as she swirled the amber liquid in her glass.

“No problem.”

“Are you hungry?” Avery asked, her voice almost shrill.

“Whatever,” Mom said, waving us away. “Just something, I’m not picky.”

I pulled Avery from the house, unable to walk fast enough. Once we sat in the car, Avery touched my knee.

“You okay?”

I nodded, pulling back my cheeks to form some sort of a smile.

“You don’t have to pretend for me. It’s okay. We can leave if you want.”

I looked down. “If you’re looking to marry into a new family, mine isn’t it, Avery. I shouldn’t try to cheat you out of that.”

“You’re my family, remember? And I’m yours.”

I kissed her knuckles and started the engine, pulling out of the drive and onto the road. “We should stop by Dad’s.”

“Is he close?” Avery asked.

I breathed out a laugh. “Just down the road.”

She smiled, and I made a detour to my father’s home. I hadn’t let him know I was coming. Part of me had been afraid that after Avery met my mom, she’d want to go home.

When I pulled off the main road onto the dirt path leading to his trailer, I felt like I had been gone too long. I grabbed Avery’s hand and squeezed.

“You look happy,” she observed with a surprised grin. “Thinking about dinner?”

I parked my car next to my dad’s flat-black Impala and turned off the engine. “But you’re getting ready to meet the best damn cook this side of the Mason-Dixon.”

My father stepped out onto his porch as we exited the vehicle, his grin widening as he recognized who had come to see him.

“My boy,” he called out proudly as he hurried toward me with open arms. I grunted as he pulled me in for a bear hug that knocked the air from my lungs.

“And who is this?” he asked as he pulled back from our embrace.

“Dad, this is Avery. Avery, this is Silas, my father.”

“Wow,” she said. “The resemblance is incredible.”

“Your name is Avery?” Dad asked, fighting a laugh. “You’ve got to be shittin’ me.”

“God has a sense of humor,” I said.

“He sure does. That’s how you got this ugly mug,” he shot back, winking at Avery.

The worry in her eyes had all but disappeared, and she seemed more like the girl I’d fallen in love with.

“We don’t look that much alike,” I said. “My hair isn’t gray.” I laughed as my father hit me lightly on the chest with the back of his hand.

“Watch it, boy. I can still kick your ass,” my father warned. He grabbed Avery in a playful hug, lifting her from the ground as she squealed.

“You wish, old man.”

With Avery’s feet firmly planted back on the grass, we fell silent as he took us in.

“It’s been too long, Josh.”

“I know.” I nodded in agreement as I looked over his old Impala.

“But I see you’ve been taking care of Mabeline.” He nodded his chin toward my car. “I must have taught you somethin’ right.”

“Avery, if he’s half as good to you as he is to that car, you’re one lucky lady.”

She looped her arm in mine and snuggled against my side, and I felt a little taller, seeing her so happy, and maybe even a little relieved to be around my dad.

“He’s a good man. He works hard. I’m very lucky. You should be very proud.”

“I am.” Dad’s smile wrinkled the skin around his eyes. “Did Josh ever tell you about the time he grabbed the neighbor’s horse fence and pissed himself?”

“We gotta get back to Mom’s,” I said, rubbing my hand roughly over my hair.

Avery struggled to keep a straight face.

“You’ll be back before you leave?” His question was more of a warning. I nodded, letting him pull me in for another hug.

Avery spoke up as he released me and embraced her. “I will make sure of it.”

“All right, old man. That’s enough. Let my girl go.”

Dad stepped back as he looked us over, nodding approvingly.

“You did good, son. You did real good.”

“Thanks, Dad, but I already knew that,” I said with a grin. I hooked my arm around Avery’s shoulders and walked with her back to the car.

After stuffing ourselves with sashimi, teriyaki chicken, and chicken fried rice around Mother’s kitchen table, Avery went into my old bedroom to take a quick shower.

Mom was stumbling around the kitchen while Avery dressed for bed. Avery groaned from the bathroom, and I knocked on the door.

“Everything okay?”

“Fine!” she said with the chipper voice she only seemed to have around my mom.

I joined Mom in the kitchen, watching her pour herself another drink.

“Hey. Why don’t you ease up since Avery’s here,” I chided.

“Mind your business,” she grumbled.

Avery appeared, forcing a smile. She waved me away when she saw the concern on my face.

“You look a little green, young lady,” Mother said, talking with her glass of bourbon.

“Fine,” Avery said, sitting at the table. “I feel fine.”

“Well, you don’t look it,” Mom snapped.

“Jesus Christ, Mom. C’mon.”

Avery shook her head, silently asking me to stand down.

“How was the drive down?” Mom asked. “Besides the constant bathroom breaks, of course,” she said, eyeing me.

“Fine,” Avery said, pressing her lips together. A thin sheen of sweat formed on her skin. She swallowed.

“Baby,” I said, reaching across the table.

“I’m f—” Before she could finish, Avery covered her mouth and ran down the hall to my room. Sounds of her heaving traveled to the kitchen, and Mom shot me a smug look.

I chased after my girlfriend, stopping in the bathroom doorway. The mirror was still fogged from her shower.

“Go away, please,” she whimpered, spitting into the toilet. “Oh, God …” She heaved again.

“You were feeling fine earlier. Maybe it was the candy?”

“Food poisoning. Has to be the Japanese,” she said before hurling again. “I’m dying. I’m going to die.”

“I’ll get you a cool rag.”

“Thank you. Then please leave. I don’t want you to see this. It’s going to get ugly really fast.”

I rubbed her back, knowing exactly what she meant. I wouldn’t want her to see me like that, either.

I fetched her a cold rag and then shut the door behind me. “I’m going to check on you in ten minutes,” I said through the door.

“Please don’t.”

I pulled back my old gray and black comforter, and then placed a garbage can on the floor. Mother was still in the kitchen, watching me search through the cabinets for a clean glass.

“For fuck’s sake, Mom. Glasses.”

“Watch your language,” she said. “Water bottles in the fridge.”

“You have something to say?” I asked, grabbing two bottles of Aquafina.

“I didn’t say anything.”

I spun around to see her struggling to light her cigarette from a match, her eyes nearly closed.

I sat the bottles on the counter and took the matches from her. She watched me with a frown and heavy eyes as I effortlessly tore one away from the matchbook and lit it for her.

Leaning toward the flame, she puffed and then exhaled, enveloping her face in a cloud of smoke before inhaling and choking out a cough.

“I know something is on your mind. Spit it out.”

“She’s sick, huh?” Mother blew out a cloud of smoke and I waved it away.

“She’ll be fine by morning. It’s been a long trip. The cigarette smoke isn’t going to help, if you’re wondering.”

“I wasn’t,” she said, blowing out another puff. “So, this is why you’re really here? You got another girl knocked up and now you want my help.” Still the mother I remembered. After Kayla had drowned, she didn’t enjoy life sober.

I laughed once. “You can’t be serious. How could you help anyone in this shape?”

“I’m not pregnant.” Avery’s voice was quiet.

I spun around to see her leaning against the kitchen wall in one of my T-shirts and basketball shorts, her chin beginning to quiver.

“Avery,” I breathed. I grabbed the bottles of water and walked toward her. When I reached out for her, she held up her hand to keep me back.

She took a water from my hand. “I feel better. I’m going to bed.”

“I’ll come with you,” I said.

I glared over my shoulder at my mother, hoping it would be the last time I’d have to look at her.

Following Avery to my room, I twisted the lock on the knob while I watched her climb under the covers.

“Avery, I’m not sure what you heard, but …” I shook my head, unsure of what I was going to say.

“Don’t.” There was no anger in her voice, just exhaustion. She stilled, her back to me.

I peeled off my shirt and then kicked off my shoes and jeans. When I slipped into bed, I was careful not to bounce her around. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, but I didn’t want to make things worse.

“This was obviously before we met.” She glanced over her shoulder and I closed my eyes. She’d heard it all.

I nodded in confirmation.

“Then hold me.” I slowly wrapped my arms around her, pulling her back against my chest. Her body stiffened, but she didn’t pull away.

She was silent for several moments. Seconds had never passed by so slowly. She breathed in, and then said the best thing I’d ever heard.

“I love you.”

I pressed my forehead against her back. “I love you, too.”

“We should probably talk about it … when you’re ready.”

I nodded. “I’m ready.” I took a deep breath. “Her name was Brooke. A buddy from high school named Daniel introduced me to her one night at a party the summer after we graduated. Daniel went to an alternative school. He’d been held back twice, barely graduated, already had a kid somewhere—bad news all around. Brooke was Daniel’s tutor through most of that. She’d just finished her freshman year of college, so of course I thought I was hot shit when she started flirting with me.