Текст книги "Troubles and Treats"
Автор книги: Tara Sivec
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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
I grab his hand and pull him back down to his seat next to me.
“That’s okay, guys. We’re going to stick around here. We’ll just call our own cab.”
Everyone leaves and Drew and I are alone at the table, our hands still clutched together, resting on top of Drew’s thigh.
“You really want to stay? Are you sure?” he asks.
I lean forward and run my tongue along his top lip, letting go of his hand and sliding my hand up his thigh until I reach the bulge in his jeans. He immediately grabs the back of my head and deepens the kiss. Our tongues swirl around each other, and I can feel him growing hard beneath my hand.
I’ve missed this so much. I’ve missed wanting him like this. I’ve missed kissing him and thinking only about kissing him instead of folding clothes, orders at work, and whether or not I paid the cable bill. What the hell was I thinking when I told him I wanted normal sex? I suddenly really want to try out that thing we talked about last year with a bowl of mashed potatoes and a ride-on lawn mower.
Drew breaks off the kiss and pulls back to look into my eyes.
“I love you, baby. I know I haven’t said that in a while and I’m sorry. I’m going to do better,” he tells me.
“Oh, Drew! You don’t need to do any better. I love you too. I’ve just been so tired, and I should have said something sooner. I’m so sorry things got so crazy,” I tell him.
“No, I’m the one who is sorry. You have nothing to apologize for. I should have realized sooner that you needed more help, but you know I’m an idiot when it comes to stuff like that. If you don’t write it down and staple it to my dick, I’m going to be clueless,” he explains.
“I would never staple anything to your dick. I love it too much!” I tell him with a smile.
“Speaking of my dick-”
“Yes! We are totally having lots of sex tonight,” I interrupt him excitedly.
“No, that’s not what I was getting at, but it’s good to know,” he says with a smile. “What I mean is, if you just want vanilla sex, then vanilla sex is what I will give you. I don’t care if we never use those bungee cords or the box of saltine crackers again. I don’t care if we never see Officer O’Connor again because he won’t be knocking on our door to tell us there’s been a noise complaint. I don’t even care if the diamond studded dog collar and French maid outfit that fits me like a glove has to go back to the store. I don’t care about anything but being with you, whatever way I can, anyway that you’ll have me.”
With the biggest smile I’ve had in a long time, I stand up and pull Drew with me.
“Let’s go home. I have a surprise for you.”
Chapter 28 – Peeping Ghost
I mean every word I say when I tell my girl I will have plain old vanilla sex for the rest of my life as long as I can do it with her. After the last few months, I realize I don’t care about anything but being with her. She is my best friend and my life, and I will do whatever she wants me to do as long as she’s happy. I had been stupid when I got mad about never having crazy, dirty sex ever again. While it’s true that wild and sometimes bordering on illegal sex is what brought us together, it’s not what has kept us together.
The taxi just drops us off from the strip club and Jenny is leading me by the hand into the house and up the stairs. She had mentioned a surprise at the club and I’ve been hard ever since, knowing that the surprise will more than likely include her getting naked. And if we’re just going to get on the bed and have missionary sex with the lights off, I’m okay with that.
She leads me into our bedroom and stops in front of the bed, turning around to face me.
“Okay, I lied. I actually have two surprises for you,” she tells me with a smile. “Close your eyes.”
I do as she asks and feel her place one of my hands on top of her belly, sliding it down into the waistband of her pants. In just a few seconds, my fingers slide over perfectly smooth, hairless skin. My eyes fly open and I stare down into her face that has a huge smile on it while she holds my hand in place.
“Did you get waxed?” I ask her in awe.
She nods her head, her mouth opening to reply but letting out a small gasp instead when my fingers graze the top of her clit.
“This is the best present ever!” I tell her softly as my fingers dip even lower and glide through her wetness.
Jenny lets go of the grip she has on my hand and clutches onto both of my shoulders as I use two of my fingers to pull some of her wetness up and circle her clit.
“Oh Jesus….wait, stop!” Jenny exclaims suddenly, putting a hand back on top of my wrist to stop me.
As much as I want to curl up in the fetal position, cry, and suck my thumb like a baby right now, I won’t. If she doesn’t want to do this, I will be a big boy and not have a temper tantrum. I will respect my wife’s wishes.
I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry.
“Okay, we can stop. You want to just cuddle?” I ask her, trying not to let my voice quiver.
She looks at me funny for a minute and then lets out a small laugh.
“Oh hell no! There will be no cuddling tonight. I just need to give you your second present,” she tells me.
“OH HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL, THANK GOD!” I yell, leaning down and resting my forehead against hers.
“Close your eyes again,” she tells me softly.
Once again, I do exactly as she says. I can hear clothing rustling, and I start doing a little Cabbage Patch dance action with my arms knowing that Jenny is taking her clothes off. I hear some other noise that almost sounds like creaking but whatever. My wife is getting naked, and I don’t give a rat’s ass about anything else.
Unless that creaking means there’s a ghost in the house. I’ve heard some strange noises every once in a while late at night and always wondered if the house is haunted. I bet it is. I bet that freaky little fucker wants to watch us have sex. Fine with me, buddy, enjoy the show. Just don’t touch my ass at all during the event or I will call the Winchester brothers from Supernatural. Dean and Sam will fuck you up! I had a strange hand touch my ass one time in college during a threesome, and that’s just something you don’t get over. Random ass touching scares me more than spiders.
“Okay, you can open them,” Jenny says.
I slowly open my eyes and really, she should have prepared me a little for the sight I am currently seeing. I don’t know whether to drop to my knees and pray or have a heart attack.
“Oh, Willie Nelson. Are you…are we…this is…I…biscuits.”
I can’t even form a coherent sentence right now. My awesome wife is currently naked, lounging in the baby swing, er, I mean sex swing. Our sex swing is really a sex swing! Our sex swing is going to be used for sex and swinging and swinging sex!
Wait, no. Not swinging sex. We’re not swingers. No one else can enter this bedroom while we’re naked. Okay, scratch that. If a couple of naked chicks suddenly walk in, I certainly wouldn’t kick them out.
“Come over here, hot stuff, and bang me in the sex swing,” Jenny says as she curls her finger, beckoning me over.
I’m pretty sure I’ve never moved so fast in my life. My shirt is flung across the room, I shove my jeans and boxers down to my ankles, and start to run over. Unfortunately, it’s really fucking hard to run with pants around your ankles and I face plant into the carpet.
“Oh my gosh! Drew, are you okay?” Jenny asks me with concern.
“Fine! Totally fine! Don’t move!” I tell her as I quickly crawl on all fours over to the corner of the room.
I grab onto the swing on either side of Jenny’s thighs and use it to pull me up so I can stand between her legs.
“You’re a dirty, slutty man,” Jenny tells me in a sultry voice.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
I giggle, yes giggle, and start bouncing excitedly on my toes.
“I think you should push me on the swing with your ginormous cock, slutty man,” she tells me as she leans forward, grabs onto my hips, and pulls me closer to her on the swing until my “ginormous cock” is pushing against her entrance.
Porno Jenny! Porno Jenny is back! Hallelujah, praise Paula Abdul, Porno Jenny is back!
She wraps her legs around my hips and uses her thigh muscles to pull me closer, my cock sliding deeper. We both groan and I stop halfway in when I hear creaking.
I whip my head around and shoot a dirty look over my shoulder to the whole room in general.
Stop moving around, ghost! You’re breaking my concentration. If you’re going to watch, do it quietly. AND DON’T TOUCH MY ASS!
I turn my head back around and concentrate on the task at hand. Swinging my dick into my hot wife.
Ha ha! Did I totally just make up an awesome pun or what?!
“Do me hard, you dirty slut,” Jenny whispers.
Oh hell yeah! It’s fucking ON!
I push the rest of the way inside of her heat, and I want to stop and savor the feeling of being back inside my wife but the swing is swaying and causing me to rock my hips against her.
“This swing is fucking awesome!” I tell her as I grab onto her thighs, pull my dick almost all the way out of her, and then slam back home.
Jenny lets out a gasp and throws her arms above her head to grab onto the straps of the swing. I start moving faster and harder, the force of my thrusts causing the swing to really begin swaying from front to back. It’s a little awkward and I have to concentrate on not falling. When the swing moves forward, I have to quickly shuffle my feet and follow it so my dick doesn’t fall out of Jenny. Then, when it swings back, I have to quickly shuffle my feet forwards, or else it’s going to clothesline my thighs, and I’m going to land on my ass on the floor.
I really should have taken my pants all the way off. This shit is hard! Ooooh, another pun right there, motherfuckers!
I’m basically waddling back and forth with the motion of the swing while at the same time, thrusting my hips in and out of Jenny. It’s like trying to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time.
“Oh yes! Faster, faster!” Jenny screams.
Oh my God, the pressure! If I go any faster this swing is going to take me out at the knees! I need to make this swing my bitch and show it who’s boss.
I plant my feet as wide apart as I can with my jeans still wrapped around my ankles, let go of Jenny’s thighs, and wrap my hands around the straps that hang from the ceiling to stop the swing from swaying so much. It takes a minute to get it to stop, and I have to arch my back as far as I can, raise one of my knees, and push it against Jenny’s ass under the swing to finally get it to stop moving.
“Yes! Keep doing that! Rub my ass with your knee, you whore!” Jenny shouts.
I am nothing if not attentive to my wife’s needs right now, so I do as she asks. I hold onto the swing straps with both hands, lean back, keep my leg up, and rub my knee back and forth against her ass under the swing and keep moving my hips, thrusting in and out of her.
Jenny is moving her hips and pushing against me as I bang the hell out of her while trying to keep the swing in place. Around her moans of pleasure I hear another loud creak and I roll my eyes.
Seriously, ghost. Cut that shit out. I know you’re there; you don’t need to advertise it. Keep it down while you ghostly masturbate over there!
“I’m sorry I ever said anything about your vagina being floppy. It’s totally not like fucking a sloppy joe at all! You feel so good baby!” I tell her as I continue to pound into her, sweat breaking out on my forehead with all the things I have to remember to do to keep the swing in place.
“Call me a tramp!” Jenny shouts as she lets go of the grip she has on one of the swing straps, slides her hand down the front of her body, and starts moving her fingers against her clit.
Fuck, best day ever! Even with the pervy ghost in the corner and my arm and leg muscles threatening to give out.
“WHO’S MY TRAMP?! WHO’S MY DIRTY HOOKER TRAMP?!” I shout as I pick up the pace and slam into her harder while her fingers move furiously over her clit.
“ME! ME! I’M YOUR DIRTY HOOKER TRAMP! PAY ME, BIG DADDY, PAY ME!” she shouts.
“I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU A SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT TIP, YOU DIRTY WHORE!”
“YES! YES! GIVE ME THE TIP! GIVE ME THE TIP!” Jenny screams.
I know she’s only a second away from coming which is a damn good thing because I can’t hold off any longer. My balls are about to explode like a fucking geyser.
“I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU A TIP AND LEAVE YOU SOME MINTS! YOU WANT SOME FUCKING MINTS, YOU LITTLE SLUT?!” I yell in excitement as she tightens her thighs around my waist, and I feel her orgasm rush through her and squeeze my cock like a vise.
“OH MY GOD! GIVE ME THE MINTS! OH FUCK, I’M COMING! MINTS, MINTS, MINTS! YES, YES!”
She’s thrashing her head and bucking her hips against me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop the swing from swaying, so I just hold on tight to the straps and thrust into her with all I’ve got, feeling my own orgasm tingle through my balls. I hear another creak, this one louder than all the others.
“YOU LIKE THAT, GHOST? HUH?! YOU LIKE BEING A PERVY CREEPER, JERKIN’ YOUR GHOSTLY GHERKIN?” I shout into the corner of the room.
Just as my orgasm barrels up through me and I start coming, I feel a hand on my ass and scream as loud as I can in fear while still plunging in and out of Jenny.
“EEEEEEEK! I’M COMING! HOLY SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN, I’M COMING AND THERE’S A GHOST TOUCHING MY ASS!”
Mid orgasm, I reach back to swat the ghost’s hand off my ass and hear another creak, followed by a loud ripping sound and this orgasm feels so fucking good right now that I’m not really concerned with the fact that the pervert poltergeist is making so much noise.
While smacking my hand on my ass to keep the ghost away from it, I thrust as hard as I can one last time and the orgasm finishes so good it almost feels like I’m falling.
“OW! SON OF A BITCH!” Jenny screams.
I open my eyes and quickly realize that feeling of falling really was a feeling of falling. I’m sprawled on top of Jenny on the floor with my penis still buried in her and bits and pieces of our ceiling littered in chunks all around us. I reach up and wipe a bunch of white dust off of Jenny’s face and hair, and she ruffles her hand through my hair, dust and debris falling down onto her chest.
I crane my neck and look up at the giant hole in our ceiling.
“Wow, guess I should have secured that a little better, huh?”
Jenny just laughs and wraps her arms around my shoulders, pulling me down to her lips.
“Let’s do it again. Go get the Skittles in the kitchen, a wooden spoon, and two containers of purple Play-Doh.”
Chapter 29 – Vagina Skittles
“Um, Whitney Houston, we have a problem.”
Jenny sits up on her elbows and stares down at me lying on my stomach between her legs with my face resting on her hipbone.
“Problem? What problem? I was almost there, keep going,” she complains, letting her head fall back to the pillows.
“Yeah, and that would be the problem. I can’t keep going, they’re stuck.”
Her head flies back up off of the pillow, and she slides her body up the bed until she’s resting her back against the headboard, my head slipping off of her hip as she goes.
“Stuck?! What the hell do you mean stuck?!” she screeches.
I push myself up onto my knees and point between her legs.
“Stuck, as in, probably not coming out anytime soon because it was too slippery and they just sort of, shot off, deep into the heart of Texas,” I explain with a shrug.
“I’m confused. Are you comparing my vagina to Texas? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” she asks, momentarily forgetting the problem at hand.
“Well, you don’t mess with Texas and everything is bigger in Texas, just like you don’t mess with your vagina and…”
She raises her eyebrow and glares at me.
“Your vagina is NOT big. Or large or in charge. Okay, it’s totally in charge but it’s not large. We will not be renaming your vagina Large Marge so don’t even give me that look. Your vagina is tiny and perfect and warm and cuddly, just like it should be,” I explain.
We had stared at each other for a few minutes and I wasn't not gonna lie, I sort of forgot about the problem for a minute while I stared at her. I had started crawling up the bed toward her when she reminded me.
“Wait, stop! What are we going to do about the Skittles stuck in Texas?”
Two months after the night of the sex swing crash and the “Taste the Rainbow” incident, Jenny and I are doing better than ever. It had taken a trip to the emergency room that night and a vacuum cleaner nozzle to remove the Skittles from the great state of vagina.
Okay, it hadn't really been a vacuum cleaner nozzle but it may as well have. I could have saved us a hundred dollar deductible and our dignity by just using the Hoover at home. Surprisingly, the nurse told us that wasn’t even the strangest thing she’d seen stuck up in someone in the emergency room. While we waited, she told us all about the sorts of things people had jammed up in them and how they had to waddle through the emergency room doors to get it removed.
McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys, grapefruit, cell phones, wine bottles, a dozen ping pong balls, and a whisk.
But the whisk was totally not my fault, and I was doing something else that had absolutely nothing to do with sex and it just slipped. I had been grateful that the nurse who helped us was new and wasn’t aware of mine and Jenny’s frequent flyer miles at that particular emergency room.
Through it all, Jenny and I have learned some very important lessons. Never hire your dad as a private investigator, and Carter cheats when he’s in a diaper changing race.
We've also learned to never keep things to ourselves if something is bothering us, and I've learned to just assume my wife always needs help around the house and she shouldn’t have to ask for it. Our sex life is better and more adventurous than ever, especially trying to navigate around two children’s schedules, but we’re making it work and being very creative. Jenny finally admitted to me that she never really wanted vanilla sex, she just though that now that we were older and parents, it’s what we should do. I honestly would have agreed to boring sex for the rest of my life, but thank the holy jeans I don’t have to worry about that anymore.
My hot, slutty wife is back, and I couldn’t be happier.
“Are you nervous?” I ask Jenny as we stand at the front of the room and wait for everyone else to get here.
“You know, I’m not. Is that weird?” she asks with a smile as she pulls things out of her bag and sets them up on the table.
“Nah, I’m not nervous either. I mean, we’re kind of experts about this shit so why should we be nervous?”
She nods in agreement and sets the bag on top of the table, walking over to me as I organize my notes. She pulls the pad of paper out of my hands and places it on the table, taking my hands and resting them right on top of her tits.
“This is going to be so much fun,” she tells me with a big smile as she stands on her tip toes and runs her tongue along my top lip, giving me the shivers, just like always.
I remove a hand from one of her boobs and place it under her ass, lifting her up so she can wrap her legs around my waist. I turn us and push her back against the wall, sliding my hand down the front of her body and then pushing it back up under her t-shirt, grazing soft, warm skin as I go.
Jenny pulls her lips away from mine and tilts her head to the side so I can kiss my way down her neck to her collarbone. I suck and nibble on the skin while my hand under her shirt pulls the cup of her bra down underneath her breast so I can palm the soft mound and run my thumb over her nipple.
“This is so naughty and dirty. I love it,” Jenny says as I push my hips forward and grind my jean-clad erection between her legs.
She locks her ankles together right above my ass and uses the muscles of her thighs to pull me harder against her.
I pull my lips away from her neck and my hand stops its movement on her breast.
“I totally forgot. I have something for you,” I tell her as I let go of her ass and bend backwards for my bag on the table without breaking our connection or moving my hand from her bare tit.
I reach the bag and dig inside for the white box, pulling it out and leaning my body back against hers. I hold the box between our bodies and when she sees it, her eyes light up.
“Ohhhhh, Drew!” she says excitedly as she takes the box from me. I put my hand back on her ass and go back to massaging her boob under her shirt with my other hand while she opens the lid.
She looks inside and there’s confusion on her face for a moment and I explain.
“Well, I figured you wouldn’t be in the mood for Skittles for a while after the 'Rainbow of Fruit Flavor'” evening, so I decided to switch things up.”
Jenny reaches her hand inside the box and pulls out a handful of grape and cherry Dum-Dum suckers.
“I stuck with the purple and red theme, but this time they have handles on them for easier removal,” I tell her with a wink and a wag of my eyebrows.
“I love you so much, Drew Parritt!” Jenny tells me as she tosses the box to the ground and wraps her arms around my shoulders, her hand still clutching the suckers.
“I love you too, Jenny Parritt, my sweet, fuck-hot wife!”
I hear the rustle of a wrapper behind my head, and Jenny moves one arm in front of me, offering me a lick of a cherry sucker. I wrap my lips around the candy and suck while Jenny twirls the stick, making the candy swirl around my mouth.
I reach up and wrap my hand around hers, pulling the sucker out of my mouth with a pop and together, we move the candy to her lips. She runs her tongue all around the outside of the candy just like she does with my dick, and I groan as I watch her tongue and lips enjoy the sucker.
Ten minutes later, we have a slight problem and it involves my pubic hair and a grape sucker.
“Let me just rip it off, like a Band-Aid,” Jenny pleads, looking frantically toward the door of the room. “They’re going to be here any minute, and I don’t think it would be good if you spent the entire hour with your hand down your pants.”
I glance at the clock and then back at her. “Well, they would never forget their first class, that’s for sure.”
After our trip to the emergency room two months ago, we had been approached by one of the doctors and he asked if we would consider doing a sex seminar for married couples once a month at the local community college. We could talk about whatever we wanted, use whatever visual aids we needed. We just needed to teach couples how to have more active sex lives and put a spark back in their marriage.
“I am not ripping this thing off, do you have any idea how much that would fucking hurt?” I ask her.
She glares at me and puts her hands on her hips.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. Forgot about the whole Brazilian thing. Have I mentioned how much I love it, by the way?” I tell her, trying to suck up as best I can. “Maybe you should just suck it off,” I plead with her.
“We’re in a classroom! I’m not getting down on my knees and putting my face in your crotch five minutes before twenty couples are going to show up,” she complains.
“You just put your hand down my pants with a wet sucker in a classroom five minutes before twenty couples are going to show up! What the hell is the difference?!”
Jenny stomps her foot and looks back at the clock in frustration.
“Oh my God, we have no time! At least take your fucking hand out of your pants!” she yells at me.
“I’m afraid! If I let go, who knows what will happen down there. At least right now I’m keeping it contained.”
Jenny wrings her hands in front of her and whips her head around when we hear a voice.
“Excuse me, are we in the right place? Is this the ‘How to Put the Spark Back in Your Marriage’ course?” a man asks from the doorway, his hand holding onto a woman standing right next to him.
Yes, I am well aware of the irony in this situation. Not that long ago I had practically stalked a doctor because of his shitty self-help CD with the same title. I play nice though and sent him and his wife an invitation to our first class. Unfortunately, due to the restraining order, they are unable to attend.
Jenny turns around and flattens her body against mine, blocking me from the couple's view.
“YES! Yes, welcome! Go ahead and take your seats. We’re just discussing some last minute lesson changes,” Jenny tells them before turning back around to face me.
“Pull that fucking thing off, right now!’ she whispers angrily.
“NO! It’s going to take a layer of skin with it! You have no idea how tangled it is right now!” I whisper back.
I look over Jenny’s shoulder and see two more couples entering the classroom and taking seats, talking amongst themselves.
While I’m busy looking, and before I realize what she’s doing, Jenny sticks her own hand down my pants, wraps it around mine, and yanks as hard as she can.
“MOTHER OF JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DICK IN A BOX!” I scream at the top of my lungs.
Jenny and I stand there staring at one another wide-eyed, the grape pubic-hair covered sucker held in both of our hands between us. My lips are quivering and I can feel tears forming in my eyes.
The pain! Oh my God the pain! It’s like no other I’ve felt before!
Jenny quickly turns back around to face the class, which is now full and all eyes are staring at us questioningly.
I chuck the furry sucker into the garbage can under the table and swallow back my tears, hobbling forward so I’m standing shoulder to shoulder with Jenny.
“Welcome to class, folks! That was just a sample of what we’ll be talking about first this evening. Ways to scream out your pleasure without being boring! Who wants to go first?!” Jenny asks.
It takes a few minutes, but pretty soon the class is really getting into the question and having fun shouting out their suggestions. Jenny and I turn to face each other while the class is laughing and yelling.
Some of my dick skin is stuck to a sucker under the table, the people in the emergency room call us by our first names, we’ve been banned from all major appliance stores and local farms, and yet, I wouldn’t change the way our life has turned out for all the hookers and coke in the world.
“You have GOT to be kidding me?!”
We break our eye contact and turn to face the door of the classroom, our looks of surprise and confusion mirroring those of the two couples who are hovering in the doorway.
“Dude, you guys are the teachers?!” Carter asks with a smile as he pulls Claire into the room. “This is going to be fun!”
The rest of the class has quieted down and is watching our exchange with interest.
“This is going to be a horror show, that’s what this is going to be,” Liz says as she and Jim follow Carter and Claire down the aisle and find their seats. “Tell me you aren’t going to be using yourselves as visual aids.”
Jenny reaches down to the table and lifts up a pair of tongs and a bottle of honey.
“Nope, we’ve got plenty of visual aids,” she tells her with a smile.
“Drew, get the laser pointer off of my boobs,” Claire says in irritation.
Jenny turns her head and sees me standing next to her playing with the pen laser light I picked up at the gas station on the way here.
“Well, Claire, technically this is part of tonight’s lesson. Erroneous Zones and how they can make sex hotter,” Jenny explains as she takes the pointer out of my hand and sets it back on the table.
“Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that Drew and Jenny are teachers?” we hear Jim ask the rest of our friends.
“If they were teaching children, yes. But let’s be honest here. This is the absolute best subject for them to teach,” Liz answers with a smile in our direction.
“Just tell me we aren’t going to be watching any of your home movies,” Claire begs.
“I don’t know. I’d kind of like to see those,” Carter says with a shrug.
“Oh, we’ve already seen their home movie. It’s a finalist over at Youporn’s 'Home Movie of the Year Awards',” one of the guys on the opposite side of the room says. “We Googled you when we signed up for the class. Using the pumpkin and the ice cream scoop was genius, by the way.”
My smile is bigger than ever after hearing those words.
“Honey, you can Google us!” I tell Jenny, leaning in to kiss the top of her head.
“Alright, fine. We Googled you too,” Liz admits.
“Yeah, so did we,” Claire adds.
“And aside from having to see Drew’s hairy ass, it was pretty hot,” Jim states.
“It was disturbing-hot and I felt a little dirty after watching it, and I’m not sure I can ever look you guys in the eye ever again, but yeah, pretty hot,” Carter admits.
“Alright, let’s bring this class to order!” Jenny shouts excitedly. “First, we’re going to discuss items that should never be placed in a vagina unless you are wearing safety goggles and have a pair of needle nose pliers on hand.”
I wrap my arm around Jenny’s shoulders as she begins the first part of the lesson, holding up items one at a time from the table and giving explanations on where they can be safely inserted without the use of medical assistance or antibiotics.
While she talks, I glance over at our friends that had decided to sign up for our class even though they didn’t know we were teaching it. No matter how perfect you think someone else’s marriage is, this just goes to show you we can all use a little spark and a little fun in the bedroom to make life more interesting. I couldn’t be happier that our best friends are here with us tonight. It just makes me realize how great my life really is.
Veronica and Billy are happy and healthy, and our best friends are the greatest people ever. I’m beyond glad we’ve remained friends and raised families with each other. Oh, and I can’t forget our new best friend, Jackson, that we brought into the circle of trust. My fears of him trying to steal my wife are long gone ever since the day he brought his significant other over to our house for dinner. Dave is two years older than him and lives one street over from us. My only worry now is that Jackson and Dave might want me to have a threesome. I’d be honored and shit because, come on, I’m fucking hot as balls and of course they’d want me, but any more than one penis in a bed is too many, and I would have to sadly decline. Luckily, they haven’t asked yet, so I don’t have to worry about the awkwardness.
