Текст книги "Triangle: The Complete Series"

Автор книги: Susann Julieva

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 22 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

fact that this room witnessed an important phase of my life gives it some strange significance. It’s

witnessed me growing up, or at least growing up a little more. Woodhaven and its inhabitants have

changed me, shaped me into someone different. Someone more myself. I’m not quite me yet, but I’m

getting there. I’m not the same person that waltzed in here four years ago with an ego so big it almost

didn’t fit through the door. Okay, screw you, so most of that ego is still alive and kicking. So what? I

hope I’m at least a bit less of a dick now than I used to be. But in the end, all I can say is: no regrets.

I let my gaze sweep through the room one last time, then I grab my bag of books and head out. I

close the door quietly behind me. Other people on my floor are leaving as well, and everyone promises

to stay in touch, knowing that’s not likely to happen. I get hugs from overly emotional people I’ve never

even talked to, but somehow I don’t mind. With a wink I promise them to forget them as soon as I’m

out the front door. They seem to think I’m kidding, which makes me grin.

I head downstairs quickly, avoiding more hugs from more half-strangers. James is waiting for me

outside. I already said good-bye to everyone else I care about the other night at our little improvised

farewell party. I’m sure most of them are still asleep and hung-over. Some of them may have left here

already.

James doesn’t notice me right away. He looks aloof and lonely, leaning against the banister of the

stairs leading to the front door. He also looks incredibly handsome in his dark blue shirt that makes his

eyes look bluer. He turns his head and sees me when I come closer. He tries to smile, but it looks

heartbreakingly sad.

“Wish you could stay until the semester’s over for me,” he greets me.

“Wish I could too.” I place a kiss on his temple. “But I’ll be back to kidnap you for the weekend. It’s

only four days.” I deliberately don’t add that four days have never seemed like such an unfathomably

long time.

He manages a crooked smile, and sounds amused. “Look what you’ve done to me. I can’t even

imagine this place without you!”

“What can I say, I’m hard to forget.”

His smile widens. “No. You are impossible to forget, Mr. Rizzo.”

“I’ll let you in on a secret: So are you, Jimmy Boy.”

I nonchalantly put my arm around him and we walk the short distance to my car. How is it so hard to

even think of having to go four days without seeing him? We make it quick and painless, just a tight hug

and a kiss. Then I’m in the car, and moments later he’s just a small figure in the rearview mirror, turning

around to walk away. It doesn’t hurt to leave Woodhaven, but it hurts to leave him, if only for a short

time. I find a jazz station on the radio. Benny Goodman provides a cheerful soundtrack to me leaving

school, and I feel much better as the tall neoclassical buildings disappear from view. The drive home is

only two hours, and it’s a warm, sunny day. All around spring is in full bloom. Lilah is still in Europe,

so I’ll have the luxury of being by myself. There’s nothing to do but enjoy life and practice music. And

possible be a little pathetic, pining for James. The thought makes me laugh to myself. I turn up the radio

as I head out of town. It suddenly hits me how ironic it is that I never wanted to be in a relationship for

fear of feeling trapped. And now that I’ve found someone I’d be happily enslaved to for the rest of my

life, I’m feeling absolutely free.

Chapter 16

Blue Skies

JAMES: Months have passed in what seems like the blink of an eye. Suddenly it’s late August, and all

our things are packed, some have already been shipped to Germany. There’s no denying it: we’re

officially ready to go.

I’m nervous and ridiculously excited. This isn’t just a holiday. Danny and I are moving to a different

country, a different continent. The next time I’ll come back to the States is probably for graduating at

Woodhaven. Until then, the entire Atlantic is going to be between me and the burnt down ruin that used

to be my home. And that is a very good thought. I don’t ever want to go back there. I hear they’re

already tearing the remains of my house down, now that I’ve sold the place. It feels good to not have

any strings attached to it anymore. A new family can build a home free of ghosts there. Maybe from

now on, it will be a happy place. Mom would have liked that.

Sometimes, when I’m not just sad thinking about her, I like to imagine that there is some sort of

heaven after all. That she’s there now, reunited with my dad. And that Simon can’t touch her there. I

don’t really believe in heaven, or god, or any kind of afterlife, but she did, and it’s a nice thought. I get

why people need to believe in this sort of thing. It makes things a hell of a lot easier.

I drove back down the other day to visit her grave one last time before I leave for Berlin. Danny lent

me his Porsche. I felt like a perfect snapshot for “what is wrong with this picture?” the entire time I was

driving, but it made me grin. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the standard of living Danny has grown

up with. And that’s a good thing.

The sun was low in the sky, throwing long shadows of gravestones across the lawn when I entered

the cemetery. There was no-one else there, just a couple of crows staring down at me from the trees. For

a moment I thought I could smell a trace of fall on the wind, rustling the leaves.

I don’t believe in talking to dead people. How are they supposed to hear? But Danny suggested I try.

Just because. I felt silly, crouching down before Mom’s grave. I didn’t know what to say. I felt lonely

and miserable.

“I miss you, Mom,” I finally said hoarsely. “I miss you so much.” A warm wind tousled my hair, and

I got goosebumps all of a sudden. It felt like a loving touch. Before I knew it, I was blurting it all out, all

the things I couldn’t tell her when she was still alive. “I’m sorry I hit Simon that day,” I heard myself

saying. “But I’m also not sorry at all. Because I love you, and you were the only thing that mattered to

me.” I took a deep breath and ran my fingers along the rough, cold gravestone. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there

to stop the fire and protect you. I’m so sorry.”

I don’t really know what happened, I can’t explain it. But once the words were out, I felt an

immediate change in me. Like forgiveness had somehow, miraculously come. Or maybe there had never

been anything to forgive to begin with. Mom would have said so for sure. She wouldn’t have wanted me

to live in the past, but to let go off my shame and turn my life into something to be proud of. Maybe

with time I can learn to accept myself with all my faults and insecurities. Maybe I can even learn to be

proud of myself, like she had been. I suddenly understood that she would have wanted me to let her go,

and be happy. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe so much easier. And

there was the most amazing feeling of peace. I’d never felt like that before.

“Bye, Mom,” I said as I finally got up. I touched her gravestone one more time, and I left the

graveyard, never looking back.

* * *

Our itty bitty farewell committee accompanies us to the airport. There’s Casey, Andrea, and Nick. Anna

and Rhea gave me a call last night from their holiday in Mexico to wish us a save flight. Danny is in an

infectiously good mood. He can’t wait to get away. Now that the big day is here, I don’t really know

what I want anymore. Only that I want to be with him, and that I’m the luckiest bastard on the planet to

have this amazing human being for my boyfriend. The thought helps take my mind off the possibility of

a plane crash into the icy waters of the Atlantic. I have about a million disturbingly detailed plane crash

scenarios in my head. Did I mention that I hate flying?

Then there’s hugs and good-byes all around, and more promises of everyone coming to visit us in

Berlin as soon as we’ve settled in. I watch Danny and Nick hug tightly for a long moment. It’s a bit

heartbreaking to see. I wish we could just kidnap Nick and take him along. For the third time Casey tells

me to call when we get there, or he’ll worry himself sick. I’m a bit shocked when Andrea wipes a tear

out of the corner of her eye and attacks me with a hug that’s so quick she probably hopes no-one saw.

Then it’s time to leave.

Our friends are still there as we get in line for Security Check to soon be absorbed in the usual

degrading pre-flight rituals. I look back once we’re through, at this motley crew that has nothing at all

in common but us, and I wonder what new things will await them once we’re gone. They wave at us

again, laughing and shouting for us to be naughty, and have the time of our lives. I have every intention

to.

Danny casually takes my hand in his as we stroll along, past a long line of duty free shops. There’s

plenty of time to waste those last dollars in our pockets on things we really don’t need. But we’re gonna

be paying in euros in the very near future. My god, it’s actually happening.

* * *

Three hours and one not so unexpectedly crappy paperback novel later we’ve finally boarded the plane.

We quietly make fun of the flight attendant’s little safety instruction dance, and I feel silly for laughing

so hard about it. My fingers dig into the armrests as we take off. I get that alarming squirm in my

stomach that makes me remember why not having wings should be a clue for mankind to just stay on

the ground.

Danny laughs at my frozen face, and I frown at him. “What? I told you I don’t like planes.”

“I love take-off. The speed, the rush…”

“…the feeling of sheer terror,” I finish his sentence dryly.

The laughing brown eyes are looking at me. “I’m gonna find the biggest roller-coaster in Europe and

take you on it.”

“Keep the roller-coaster. Living with you is gonna be challenge enough.”

“Look who’s talking,” he grins. “Why am I doing this again?”

“Because you’re crazy about me. Or so I hear.”

His grin broadens as he shakes his head. “You got that wrong, Jimmy Boy. You’re crazy about me.

That’s what I hear.”

“Oh, is that right?” I grin back at him. “If I remember correctly, you were after me first.”

Danny laughs. “Fine, you got me. Guilty as charged.”

I chuckle to myself. “I always thought you were incredibly hot. Since I first saw you.”

He arches an eyebrow. “Did you now? You were pretty good at hiding it.”

“I did my best. And look where it got me.”

He looks at me, all pretend-smug, but his eyes are shining brightly. “We could have saved ourselves

a lot of trouble if you’d shown me.”

“But then again, that wouldn’t have been as much fun.”

He laughs. “Fun? More like torture.”

“That’s fun, the Foley way.” I grin.

Danny looks at me fondly. “Never change, Jimmy.”

“Ditto.” I lean over and kiss him. He pulls me closer, and I lose my train of thought. When I very

carefully glance at the small plane window next to him again, I have a big, goofy grin on my face, my

fear of flying almost forgotten. The plane breaks through the misty clouds, and then there’s the endless

sky all around, and the sun is on my face. Beacon-bright. I close my eyes for a moment, and a happy

little smile steals onto my lips when Danny sings close to my ear: “Blue skies, smiling at me, nothing

but blue skies do I see…”

Excitement stirs in my stomach again, the best kind. This is my one shot at a new beginning, a clean

slate. New country, new city, and maybe even a new me. A me that finally allows itself to be loved. And

even if I stay the old me, that’s okay. It’s not that bad, being me. Took me quite a long while and the

world’s most gorgeous boyfriend to see that, but there you go. So there. The realization comes as a

surprise, but I have faith, I do. Faith in myself, faith in us, and for this one moment, even faith in this

planets’ sad population. Oh, this is gonna be good. Brace yourself, world, here we come.

Epilogue

A Letter, 2 Months Later

Hey Nick,

How are things on the other side of the Atlantic? Is Woodhaven treating you well?

Sorry it’s taken me so ridiculously long to write an actual letter, but life’s been kinda crazy around here.

Like I mentioned on the phone, I guess you don’t know how well you speak a language until you

actually move to the country. Gulp. I have come to learn that I don’t know shit about German; at least it

feels like that more often than not. It’s either that, or the dear people of Berlin just have a really weird

dialect that seems to have never heard of that thing called grammar. It contains absurd words that don’t

even exist in actual German. Did you know that they say “icke” instead of “ich” around here, and crazy

stuff like that? When I’m not utterly confused, it amuses me way too much. At least my profs at uni

(mostly) speak the language I have been studying for so long.

Danny handles the language problems pretty well, though, the bastard – as was to be expected. You

get pretty far here with a wink and that damn gorgeous smile.

Speaking of Danny, damn, you really should see our place! I promised details, so here goes. The

“tiny Berlin hideaway” Grazzo is so graciously letting us stay at is a gigantic loft with marble floors,

housekeeping, and a view of the Brandenburg Gate. Four bedrooms! Pictures included, so you can pick

one in advance for when you’re coming to visit. (When are you coming to visit?) I thought it was a

practical joke when Danny let us in after an 8 hour flight with no sleep and a jetlag from hell on my

part. I have vague memories of making him call Grazzo on the phone and demanding to speak to him in

order to believe it. I may have called the great Graziano Rizzo insane. Wah. He may have laughed at me

and said I was “perfect” …whatever that means… But really, this place is so huge I managed to get lost

on my way to the bathroom on the first night. I had to send up smoke signals for Danny to come get me.

I’m not sure what I expected of life with Danny Rizzo. Not this, to be sure. I remember being mildly

terrified when I looked around our place and thought “Perfect party hub” – I swear I foresaw sleepless

nights with crowds of people totally trashing our place to painfully loud music so vividly I may have

sobbed. But it turns out – there’s none of that. What can I say, living (hell, being) with Danny is

surprisingly… normal. No, it’s more than that, it’s kinda zen. He makes it so, somehow. Sigh. It’s like

nothing can faze him, so when I break into a panic about super important things (that may appear trivial

to anyone not inhabiting my brain), he just makes it go away. I will keep this PG-rated, so no details on

how. But you know what that guy can do to us mere mortals.

I know, I know, you say I think too much. But sometimes I still worry that it’s too good to be true.

Because I’m like that. But seriously, how on earth did I get this lucky? That’s not even real.

And it’s not even like everything is sunshine and roses all the time. We still have Our Daily Quarrel -

which comes so punctually that it’s almost getting too funny to go through with anymore. Because he

gives me that damn grin every time I start. He says I should stop trying to make life miserable when it’s

not. I’m not sure I’m quite ready yet, but I may have to succumb some time in the foreseeable future.

Dear god, what’s happening to me?

We’ve made some great friends. Okay, so Danny made them, and I don’t hate them, which is a huge

plus. I already told you about Silvia, the petite jazz singer with the deep, raspy voice (who smokes like a

chimney, and drinks us all under the table). There’s also Anton, this cool artist Danny met at a

supermarket (how does one make friends with artists at supermarkets, for crying out loud?), Gabriel the

gorgeous singer-songwriter, and Marie the Lesbian, who’s an amusingly foul-mouthed cab-driver and

reminds me way too much of Anna, but kinda in a good way. There’s tons more people and I don’t yet

remember everyone’s names (D suggests that’s something I could work on – bah!), but we hang out on a

regular basis, and they try to teach us Berlin speak.

We go out a lot now, mostly to all those little jazz clubs and awesome cabarets they have here. I may

have started to like going out. What’s wrong with me? Am I turning into a normal person?!

Danny is putting together a band, did he tell you? I actually look forward to future jamming sessions

at our place. I did mention the piano, right? (We need to talk more often, time-zones and international

call fares be damned!) Anyway, there’s a black Steinway grand piano in the concert hall Grazzo calls

living room. I may be making Danny practice on it way more than he needs. But damn, I love watching

him play and get lost in the music. It gives me funny feelings inside, if you know what I mean.

On that shockingly mushy note, I’ll leave you because class starts in half an hour and I gotta hit the

road. Do tell me more about your adventures at good ol’ Woodhaven, would you? I never would have

thought so, but I may just be missing the place a tiny little. Go figure.

I almost forgot – Danny says to say hi and tell you to “go get the jock” – whatever that might mean.

I’ll let you two have your little secrets.

…Okay, spill. Who is this mysterious jock? Is it Mac? I hope it is. He seems nice enough from how

you talk about him. Bring him along when you come to visit! After all, I have to make sure he’s good

enough for you.

Take care for now, you crazy dog,

James

THE END

Back to Table of Contents

About Susann Julieva

Susann Julieva was born and raised in Germany, where she is currently at work on her next novel.

When she doesn’t write, she reads. She can never say no to a good movie, loves cats, chocolate,

traveling, and calls fandom her true home.

For more information and other publications by Susann Julieva, please visit

www.susannjulieva.com