Текст книги "Finding Master Right"

Автор книги: Sparrow Beckett

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Chapter 19

Walking into Banner’s house felt as though she were coming home after a long day of work. As Kate stepped into the foyer, it overwhelmed her with memories and comfort. It smelled like him.

The door shut behind them, and she spun to face Banner. His eyes were bloodshot, and he hadn’t said much more than a few words on the ride home. He looked exhausted.

Her nerves were fried too. So many emotions swirled in her head, making her brain hurt. No amount of professional distance could keep her safe from the onslaught of emotions that had been in that waiting room. This wasn’t a client, this was the man she loved. He was her first priority.

“Thank you,” he rasped. “For everything tonight. I know it wasn’t pleasant for you, but I’m glad you were with me.”

She hadn’t done anything, really. The whole ordeal had been a family thing, so she’d kept her head down and stayed out of the way. She’d brought coffee and food to anyone who looked as though they needed it and sat next to Banner while he waited for his next turn to see his brother. Konstantin and Ambrose had seemed better equipped to help him through this, and they at least had some relationship with his family. But he’d still held on to her as if he were drowning.

“Anyone would’ve done the same,” she mumbled.

He nodded sadly. “You should go home and get some sleep.”

“No.” On the ride back, she’d already resolved to stay over with him. He needed comfort, not alone time. She wouldn’t push him to talk, but if he wanted to, she’d be there for him. “I’m too tired to drive home. Can I stay here?”

She hoped that by appealing to his protective side, he’d let her stay, and then she’d be there for him when he was ready.

His forehead crinkled as if he were surprised. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. We’ve had a long night.” She started toward his bedroom. “Come on. I’ll tuck you in.”

He chuckled. “Are you going to read me a bedtime story too?”

So he wasn’t so distraught he’d lost his sense of humor. That was good. Rook wasn’t the only one at risk. This opened a deep wound in the whole family. They all needed to watch out for one another.

They made their way to his bedroom, and he shed his clothes once inside. Now she wasn’t sure what to do. She didn’t want to intrude if he needed space, and she hadn’t processed what had happened just before the hospital call. They’d had a night of amazing sex, and there seemed to be some understanding that they were together, but where did they stand now? She didn’t want to be presumptuous by getting into bed with him. Were they a couple? Was it just for sex?

She stood awkwardly in the middle of the room while Banner collapsed onto the bed. When he looked at her, she said, “Do you want me to stay in the guest room?”

“What?” He pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed. “Get in here.”

That order, she would obey. She took off her dress, well aware of her nakedness, except for a pair of flimsy panties. But it wasn’t the time or place for sexy time. She got in and laid there awkwardly, wanting so badly to pull him into her arms and tell him everything would be okay.

Seeing him so destroyed tonight over his brother’s pain had stirred something in her—a fierce protectiveness so strong she’d had to fight back her own tears on the drive back from the hospital. His suffering broke her heart. Right now, all she wanted to do was to fix it. To make sure Banner knew he wasn’t alone, that he’d never be alone again if she had any say in the matter, and, more than anything, that he was loved.

Love. Her eyes welled with tears. He’d fought with Ambrose—over her. He wanted her. He’d said so. She was his. He’d said that, too, from what she could remember. Or had it been a dream?

Unable to help herself, she turned and curled her body around Banner. She imagined herself as a protective barrier, shielding him from the world, at least for now. He may have thought she was his, but he was just as much hers. And if he thought he was the only one with a protective side, he was dead wrong.

He was already sound asleep, his snores filling the stillness of the room.

Poor guy.

She hadn’t known much about his family before that night. Now that she’d experienced it firsthand, it was obvious why he was such a nurturer. From what she could tell, he’d taken care of his little brother for the last few years. His mother seemed as though she’d checked out, but her tears and worry might have been a turning point. His sister was . . . awkward and didn’t seem to read people well. Rook may have fared worse if it weren’t for Banner in his life.

She’d known Banner had a big heart, but now she understood the depths of it. He’d given so much of himself for his family. How was there anything left for him? No wonder he had trouble settling down with a girl. Even knowing he had family burdens and other priorities didn’t scare her.

And if he’d meant what he’d said earlier—that he loved her and wanted to keep her for himself as more than just as a kinky sex partner—she could accept the “slave” label and make things work.

What was a label, anyway, but a futile attempt to classify something so people could understand it? Some things weren’t meant to be labeled and classified. Some things were so deep and personal that they couldn’t even be explained in words, never mind words other people outside the relationship could understand. D/s was like that.

Whether Banner wanted to call what they had Master/slave or Dom/sub or whatever, it didn’t matter. It was special, and it was theirs.

With tears streaming down her cheeks, she kissed his shoulder, hoping he felt the love in his dreams. The next day would be an interesting one. She had to find a way to express all of this. Were there even enough words? Maybe the timing was wrong. After what had happened with Rook, the last thing Banner needed was more crap to think about.

It would kill her, but she’d hold it in for now. She’d gone this long without acknowledging it. Another few days wouldn’t matter.

***

Waking up was like fighting through quicksand. Her eyelids felt like they were glued shut. Why was she so tired? The events of last night rushed through her mind, jolting her awake.

Crap.

Last night had been a shit storm. And now she had to help her . . . Master? Finally, she peeled her eyes open and took stock of her surroundings. Banner’s ceiling. Warmth cocooning her bare body. And there he was, staring down at her.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said. “Rook is doing really well. Meadow just took over for my mother, and I need to be there at two.”

“Thank goodness.” He looked so relieved that it made her smile. She crinkled her nose. “How long have you been awake . . . and staring at me?”

He chuckled. “Not long. And you’re cute when you’re sleeping. Not my fault.”

Her heart fluttered as she stared up at his face—his beautiful face and bright eyes and gorgeous, kissable lips. How had she not fallen in love with that face sooner? Maybe she had only been fooling herself. But now she felt it so deep inside her, so deep in her bones, that she felt like swinging from the rafters and screaming it. It was impossible to ignore.

Instead, she sighed.

Not the time. Let him heal.

“I was expecting you to be long gone by now,” he said, resting his head on his arm.

“Hmm?”

“It seems to be your go-to move. When things get intense, you run.”

Guilt swept through her. How terrible it must have been for him. She’d had trouble thinking past her own panic before. Now she just wanted to stay there forever, in his bed, in his arms.

Her gaze dropped from his face. She feared she’d see pain in his eyes and blurt something stupid. “I’m sorry about that.”

It was silent a moment, and she pretended there was something interesting on her fingernail.

“Why did you stay?” he whispered, as if he were afraid of the answer.

Moving to sit up against the headboard, she tiptoed around the truth. “I was worried about you.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I care about you, obviously.”

“Care?”

She jerked her gaze up to look into his eyes. Was he pushing her on purpose? When she thought she’d find teasing, there was worry there instead. His jaw clenched tight as he studied her. Anxiety and pain were written on his face, as well as maybe a bit of hope. Did he want her to say it?

Swallowing hard, she dove in. “Yes. I care about you immensely.” Tears welled, but she blinked them back, staring at her hands.

Silence stretched.

She dared a glance at him. He frowned, then nodded slowly. It felt as if her heart were being sliced in two. She couldn’t bear to see him this way. Was he hoping she’d say more and she’d just let him down?

Fuck. Why wasn’t there an instruction book on this?

She sighed, frustrated. “Fine.”

He cocked his head. “Fine, what?”

“The timing is wrong, and I’m probably doing this wrong, but if you’re gonna force me, then . . . fine!” She glared. “I love you, Banner. And I’m sorry about what happened last night. I wish I could take that pain for you so you didn’t have to feel it. And I’m sorry for the last month with Ambrose. But I wouldn’t take that away, even if I could, because it made me realize how perfect you are for me. And I’m sorry the timing sucks for me to say I love you, but it’s true. Feel free to kick me out the door, but you brought me to this and . . .”

“Shhh.” He put a finger over her lips.

She froze, her eyes brimming with tears. He was going to reject her. Any second, he was going to tell her to leave. Her throat closed up, and she struggled to breathe.

“The timing doesn’t suck. The timing could never suck to tell someone you love them.”

Her tears spilled over, and Banner wiped them from her cheeks. Her lip trembled, but she tried to make her voice steady. “You . . . you love me, too, right?”

If he said no, she’d just die. Her heart seemed to stop beating as she waited for his answer. Maybe she’d misread him yesterday. Maybe she’d just made a complete fool of herself. Maybe—

“I adore you.” He smiled.

“Adore me? Like . . . like a sister or—”

“Absolutely not.” He pulled her tighter. “I hate to have to tell you this, but I have an awkward and intense affection for you.”

She giggled, then felt like a dork for giggling. “What does that even mean?”

“I’m in love with you, Kate.”

Her body froze, too afraid to move for fear she’d wake up and find this was all a dream. When he just stared at her, she finally croaked, “Why?”

He barked out a laugh. “Why? What kind of question is that? You can’t just go around asking people why they love you.”

“Sure I can. I just did.”

His adoring gaze when he rolled her onto her back surprised her. Sexy, demanding, dominating, silly, and now loving—this man kept her guessing, but she was enjoying learning the different facets of his personality.

He kissed her gently, trailing tickling fingers over her ribs and down to her waist. Kate shuddered, feeling an answering warmth gather between her legs.

“Mr. Jennings, are you trying to seduce me so you don’t have to answer my question?”

It was far too easy for him to pull her arms over her head, and then hold her wrists in one hand. He kissed her again, and she pressed against him, trying not to sigh like a lovesick schoolgirl.

“No, I was merely distracted by your beauty.”

She grinned, feeling giddy. When she looked at Banner, his expression was the same. She had never thought a Dom could be hot and lovesick at the same time.

He grimaced, then smiled. “I know you don’t want to do the twenty-four-seven slave thing, but we’ll find a way to be together. I can compromise. I don’t need perfection. The important thing is that I have you. We can work out the rest as we go.”

“I’ll be your slave,” she blurted.

He drew back. “What?”

“I decided it doesn’t really matter what you call us. Words . . .” She shook her head. “They only mean what you make them mean.”

“No, you don’t want that. I won’t force you into something you don’t want.”

“I do want it. I mean . . . I want what we’ve been doing. If that’s what you would call a Master/slave dynamic, then I guess . . . I guess that means I’m already your slave. I have been for months.” As a second thought, she met his eyes and added, “Your slave. Not just anyone’s. Only yours.”

A confused grin flashed for a second before it disappeared. “Are you sure? This isn’t something you pretend to be into to make someone happy.”

With a sigh, she switched to a kneeling position. “I’m absolutely sure. Don’t you want me, Master? I missed you so much this last month. I missed our conversations, your humor. I missed you calling me Trouble. I even missed your discipline.” No. It was more than that. “I craved your discipline. Most of all, I missed your collar. I missed feeling like I belonged to you.”

The damn tears started again. She hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed something that at first had seemed so degrading. Just one strip of leather. So simple and seemingly insignificant. But the last month had felt empty without it. And Ambrose’s . . . It just wasn’t the same.

It couldn’t have been the same, because she’d been Banner’s all along.

She watched the emotions flitting across his face. The feelings she had for him made her want to jump up and fling herself into his arms. Her body and heart had known him as her Master for ages, even when her mind had been too proud to admit it. It had been too scary to acknowledge that they had wanted the same things. She’d spent so long convinced they were on different pages, that seeing where their needs and desires intersected had been almost impossible. But as much as she’d hoped to make things work with Ambrose, it had proven again and again that her submission already belonged to his best friend.

Banner stared at her for long enough to give her a mini-panic-attack. Had she not proven it enough? Did he not believe her?

Finally, he shifted, then stood up. “Let me fix that.”

He opened the bedside table and drew out her collar. Had he kept it there the whole time? A moment later, he was over her, buckling the black leather into place around her neck. With it, came an overwhelming rush of love and devotion.

“You are mine, little slave.”

His.

He kissed her with all the love and longing she’d felt while they were apart. Months ago, he’d told her a submissive was a Dominant’s greatest treasure.

She’d never fully understood what he’d meant until now. Banner commanded her, protected her, treasured her.

In return, being his filled a well of longing inside her. She knew she could be strong and independent, but this connection—this deep and true bond—was what she chose. With his collar around her throat, and Banner kissing her tenderly, she knew she wasn’t losing herself at all. Instead, she was gaining him.

Epilogue

The Caribbean breeze swept through the open sliding door, making goose bumps rise on Kate’s wet skin.

“Take those off,” Banner ordered.

The only time she’d been allowed to wear clothing this week was bikini bottoms to the beach. It kept sand from reaching delicate places. But they were back in the beach house now, and Banner was looking at her as a wolf eyes its prey. They’d been having sex several times a day, all week. How was he keeping up?

The private vacation was sorely needed after the two weeks they’d just had. A piece of machinery had exploded in one of Banner’s factories, causing mandatory overtime for many of the workers, including Banner. And if that weren’t enough, Kate’s client, Sean, had been discharged again and she’d been on pins and needles before walking into work every day, afraid to see him return. So far so good, though.

“You think you can go again, old man?” she teased.

His eyes narrowed. “Old man?”

Seductively, she slid off the polka-dot bottoms, then backed up a few steps as he stalked toward her. Before she could get far, he lunged and grabbed her arm. She squealed and tried to get away, but he landed three stinging smacks on her wet ass.

“Shower,” he barked, holding back a smile.

She was glad he had kept his sense of humor, even as their relationship deepened. The intensity of the Master/slave dynamic was broken up by goofy, giggly love.

“Yes, Sir,” she said with a salute.

Growling, he followed her to the bathroom. She could practically feel his gaze on her ass, so of course she swayed it seductively.

He groaned. “You’re killing me, Trouble.”

“It’s only fair. You almost killed me with orgasms earlier.”

With a chuckle, he started the shower. “You’re complaining? Women everywhere would love to die from orgasms on a private beach in Saint Thomas.”

“Don’t I know it! They ogle you when we go into town.”

“Men ogle you too. Why do you think I keep you locked up here as much as possible?”

He whipped off his bathing suit, and she licked her lips and gave an impish smile. Roughly, he grabbed a handful of hair and yanked her head back. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Noooo,” she whined. “I was kidding. My lips are still chapped.”

His expression was smug as he leaned forward and kissed her deeply, delving into her mouth, exploring and playing while she gasped and tried to keep up.

“Get in the shower before I fuck you right here,” he said when he pulled away. He smacked her ass again.

She gave him a saucy look. “Yes, Master.”

In the shower, she waited for him to follow, but he stayed outside the door. “You’re not coming in?”

He shook his head. “You first. I have something to talk to you about after.”

Her curiosity was piqued, and with it she felt a twinge of dread. Needing “to talk” often meant bad news. He’d wined and dined her, tied her up, fucked her, mastered her, had done all sorts of crazy, romantic things—what could they possibly need to talk about? Were things not going how he wanted?

She watched him walk away, then stepped into the water. When it hit her skin, she realized how sore she was. Though they’d spent time relaxing, reading while cuddled up together and making plans for the future, there had been a lot of action. And the bastard had a kink for keeping her tied in uncomfortable positions, pushing her limits, testing her tolerance for pain.

She hissed when the water hit the cane marks on her thighs. “Jerk,” she mumbled under her breath, wearing a secret smile. She loved it, but he already knew that.

After washing away the sand and salt from the beach, she turned off the shower. Banner was waiting there with a towel, and sadly, he was wearing a new pair of shorts. His gaze stayed on her face instead of looking her over appreciatively, as he normally did.

His lips tipped down somberly. Anxiety tied a knot in her belly. What was going on? Did something happen with Rook again? Or his mom? Things seemed so much better the last few months.

“Are you okay?” she asked, wrapping the towel around her torso.

He gave a firm nod, and then he motioned toward the bedroom. “Go get ready for me. I’ll be there in a sec.”

Curiosity filled her more and more with each step into the bedroom. They’d been having so much fun. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d felt happier, more loved, more cherished, and more full of hope and life. Banner was everything to her. Why did she feel like something bad was about to happen?

She tried not to let her worry show as she climbed onto the bed. When he said “get ready for me” he wanted her kneeling, hands behind her back, head down, knees apart. Despite feeling as if she might throw up, she got into position, making sure it was perfect for him. Had she been too bratty? He seemed to like her joking around at times. He even said it gave him a reason to punish her, which his sadistic side loved.

Heavy footsteps sounded on the hardwood floors, and she felt his presence in the room. She fought back the urge to lift her head to try to read his expression. She’d wait like the good girl he taught her to be.

He stopped in front of her. The heat from his body so close to hers warmed her down to her toes. He ran his fingertips from her shoulder, down her arm, then across her collarbone. She arched into his touch, loving the way it felt on that vulnerable part of her. His hand drifted to her throat and held her there softly.

She swallowed hard. When he held her throat, it always made her feel safe and protected. It was sexy because it was dangerous, but something about trusting him near her throat was deeply satisfying.

“Very nice,” he rumbled. “But you’re missing something. Where’s my collar?”

Crap. “I took it off.” He’d given her a day collar just before this trip. The simple chain was beautiful but especially so because of its meaning—the commitment and love it symbolized.

“Why?”

Was she in trouble? Was that what this was about? “I don’t like wearing it in the ocean. I’m scared it’s going to get ruined.”

There was silence for a moment, and she prepared for the worst.

“Why didn’t you put it back on after?”

She looked up at him, hoping he would see the honesty in her eyes. “I was going to but you told me to get into position.”

His face remained unreadable.

“I’m sorry, Master.” She ducked her head. “I didn’t mean to insult you. It’s not like I lost it or anything. It’s right on the—”

“Shh.” He put a finger over her lips, and she fought back the urge to suck it into her mouth. This didn’t feel like sexy time. Something was bothering him. “It’s okay,” he said. It sounded as though he was fiddling with something in a bag. Then the noise stopped. “Look at me.”

She did. He looked as if he was holding something behind his back. What was he hiding?

His forehead crinkled, and he stared down at the ground. “Kate, I . . .” He paused, seeming to be at a loss for words. “Fuck. I had this all planned out, and now I’m getting tongue-tied.”

Had what planned out? Giving her a gift? Was it a new collar? But why?

With a sigh, he lifted his gaze to her face. “You know I love you. But do you know how much?”

She nodded. “A lot. Just like I love you a lot.”

“More than a lot. I can’t even explain it.” He heaved a breath, then continued. “We’ve come such a long way. I thought I knew what I wanted in a slave. You weren’t what I pictured at all.”

“Heyyy,” she teased.

“I thought I wanted perfection, but what I needed was you.”

“But I am perfect, Master.” She gave him a mischevious smile, partly to cut the tension and make him relax.

“You are.” He looked at her, then, with so much love it made her cry. “You’re perfect for me.”

She swiped at tears that welled.

“I’ve already collared you. That’s a big commitment, and you know with you it means forever to me.”

Nodding, she wondered if this was leading toward something she’d been thinking about for a while. But she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

“Kate.” He sighed, then shifted his weight. “I want to be with you forever. Not only as your Master, but as your husband.”

He brought his hands forward and in his palm sat a small box. When he opened it, an antique diamond filigree ring sparkled in the sun from the skylight.

For a moment she was so dazzled she couldn’t speak.

“I’m asking you to marry me, Kate.” His voice broke. “Will you please marry me?”

She started to sob. Did he think for a minute she’d refuse? He wrapped his arms around her and held her as if she were the most precious person in his world. Her tears ran down his chest.

“You idiot!” she finally said, pulling back. “You had me so worried!”

“What?”

“I thought something was wrong! With your family . . . Or that I was in trouble or something.”

His eyes widened. “No. No, nothing like that. I was just nervous.” He ran his hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. But . . .”

She tried to control her emotions but only managed a ridiculous sort of crying laugh.

“You didn’t answer.”

Answer? “Oh!” She looked down at the ring. “Yes! Of course the answer is yes.”

Hands shaking, he took the ring out of the box. “It was my grandmother’s.”

She held out her hand, and he slipped it on her finger, feeling as though she were watching a scene from a movie. She’d never been the type to picture getting engaged—how a guy would propose—as her friends used to do. But now that it was happening, she couldn’t imagine it being any better, even naked, damp, and teary.

His eyes turned worried. “Do you like it? If not, we can pick something else. I won’t take it personally—”

“I love it.”

“Wait there.” He grinned and walked over to the dresser.

In the mirror across from the bed she caught a glimpse of how the ring looked. Even from a distance, it sparkled and somehow made her feel prettier than before. She couldn’t stop grinning. Her aunt and uncle would be so happy for her. They loved Banner as if he’d been in the family forever, and her uncle would be so proud to walk her down the aisle.

He came back holding her collar and tied it around her neck, looking smug.

“I can’t wait to tell everyone.” She stared at his handsome face and wondered how she’d gotten so lucky. If he hadn’t gotten an invite to that costume party, there was a chance they would never have met. “Janine has been pushing me to propose to you.”

“So that explains why Chris brought it up a couple weeks ago.” He laughed. “I already had the ring sized, but I wanted to ask you while we were here.”

“Oh, I’m sure Janine put him up to it.” She looked toward the laptop on the desk in the same room. “I wonder if I could get her online to show her.”

Banner frowned, sending a nervous and excited flutter through her. “When you just agreed to marry me? While you’re naked in my bed? No fucking way.”

She blinked at him innocently. “Well, I could put on a robe.”

With a growl, he toppled her over.

She gave in, laughing as he bit her neck possessively. As sore as she was, she couldn’t refuse a man with such a sexy growl, especially one who’d just put a ring on her finger to go with the collar around her neck.

His. Now in every possible way.