Текст книги "Triple Play"

Автор книги: Sloan Johnson

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Chapter 17

Jason shook his head and laughed when he saw me walking gingerly into the kitchen, where my sandwich was still sitting on the counter. I flipped him off and shoved a quarter of the sandwich into my mouth before I said anything stupid. After spending so many years freaking out about what my friends would think if they found out I was gay, it was refreshing to have this type of camaraderie with a former teammate.

Not for the first time, I wished I’d never been traded to Seattle. They were a great team, but I’d never felt as comfortable there as I did when I was around the Mavericks players. I knew at least part of that was because their manager and head office had taken a stand that no gay player would be treated any differently, and that the only thing that mattered was the stats they put up on the field. The other twenty-nine teams in the league had a long way to go to catch up to Milwaukee’s progressive stance.

“Don’t you dare give them shit, Jason,” Cam warned his boyfriend, brandishing a wooden spoon when he turned around. “You know damn well we’d have done the same thing if they were at our place and they’d stepped out like we did. Hell, we almost got busted by Mason and Sean on more than one occasion, trying to get in a quickie before they got to your place.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not going to tease the hell out of them,” Jason admitted. “It’s not what they were doing, it’s the fact that Eric’s fucking loud as hell. I’m beginning to wonder if the neighbors have ever called in a complaint with the way he screams.”

I slugged him in the shoulder before easing myself onto the seat next to him. “Funny man. For your information, there are exactly two men in the world who can make me that way and both of them are probably still in the bed while I’m out here with you.”

“That sounds like a you problem,” Jason teased. Cam glared at him and he held his hands up in surrender. Cam might be slight, but it was evident that Jason wasn’t about to piss him off.

“So Cam, you do realize you’re not cooking for the entire team tomorrow, right?” I wasn’t trying to complain, but it looked like we had enough food for fifty people, not the seven who’d be here for lunch.

“Yeah, I’d need a hell of a lot more food if I was.” Cam laughed. “Seriously, I’m beginning to think you guys earn your huge salaries because they’re worried you won’t be able to eat enough if you made what mere mortals make.”

“Good point, although I think you went soft when you were out in New York,” I teased. We’d grown closer in the almost two weeks since he’d come home. When they weren’t at their place fucking like rabbits, Jason and Cam were here so Cam could spend time with Drew. It irritated me that Drew didn’t seem to be upset by Cam’s hovering the way he was if any of us did it, but it was impossible to ignore the shift in his attitude since Cam returned. “You’re used to cooking itty bitty servings, just enough for those pretentious judges to taste so they can tear you to shreds.”

Cam wouldn’t let anyone else cook when he was around and acted as though a major crime had been committed if anyone suggested takeout, which meant we’d all been treated to Cam’s culinary skills nearly every evening. I was fairly certain there was nothing that guy couldn’t cook.

“They weren’t that bad.” He obviously knew better than I did, but from what I’d seen, the judging panel on the first episode made it their mission to see if they could get the contestants to crack under the pressure. “And think about it… They’re putting their names on the line every time they critique us. They’re all accomplished chefs with years of experience.”

“Yeah, except for that one guy,” I pointed out. Even Cam had grumbled about how one of the chefs had no place judging a kiddie competition, much less one where the stakes were so high. “I’m wondering if he partied so hard that his taste buds died somewhere along the way. You made that exact dish for us, and unless you totally fucked it up on the show, he’s crazy to say it was bland and had the texture of baby food.”

“Yeah, well he must be doing something right,” Cam countered. “He’s got one of the top-rated shows on the network. Not many people in the world can say that.”

“True, but what does he really do? He just visits restaurants around the country and shoots the shit with the owners and patrons,” Jason added, obviously in agreement with my opinion. “So, are you going to tell us how many weeks we have to watch him? Because as much as I love you, I’m not sure I’ll make it through to the end without throwing something at the television.”

“There are only ten episodes left.” Cam was getting better at deflecting the constant prodding for him to tell us how he did on the show. Jason perked up, assuming Cam was giving him some sort of clue that he’d made it to the finals. His shoulders slumped forward almost as soon as Cam started talking again. “Remember, I spent a month living with these people. Even if I’m not on the show, I’m going to want to watch to see how they did.”

Jason groaned. “Babe, you’ve got to give me more than that. Seriously, the only reason I’m watching is for you. Once you’re cut, you can keep watching and I’ll be able to fuck around on the computer without feeling guilty.”

Cam shrugged and turned back to whatever he was working on on the stove. “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see along with everyone else.”

He glanced over his shoulder and blew Jason a kiss. Jason scowled, but no one would have believed that he was genuinely upset. If anything, it seemed this had become some sort of ritual for them, and would likely end later tonight when everyone had gone to bed, with Jason trying to coax the information out in exchange for sexual favors.

With sex back on my mind, I realized Bryce and Drew still hadn’t come out of the bedroom. I excused myself and ambled through the great room. I hadn’t made it halfway down the hall when my phone started ringing. Jason glanced at the screen and wished me luck as he tossed the phone in my direction.

It was Sam Carlson, my agent. I tried to tell myself it wasn’t necessarily bad news, but with every day the Sound head office waited to sign my new contract, the less certain I’d become of my future with the team.

“Sam, tell me you have good news for me,” I answered, skipping over pleasantries. It was a holiday week, which made it odd that he was calling now. I couldn’t imagine most of the decision-makers were doing much deciding when they could be off spending time with their families.

Sam sighed heavily and my heart plummeted. I’d been with him since I was in college and I’d learned to read his non-verbal cues to figure out the meaning behind what he was saying. That wasn’t to say he wasn’t good at his job, but he had a tendency to try to soften the blow and make average deals seem better than they were. He had his few heavy-hitters who did a sufficient job lining his pockets, so the rest of us were just extra padding to him.

“I’m afraid I don’t, Eric.” At least he sounded upset for me. “They’ve opted out of signing a new contract. Now, don’t worry too much because I’m in talks with a few other teams to see if they’re interested in you now that you’re a free agent. There’s plenty of time before the start of next year. I’m sure something will come along.”

That was easy for him to say. He wasn’t the one who’d just gotten the ax. As much as I didn’t want to get sent down, it seemed like even more of a blow that they were cutting me outright from the team. There was no security, no forty-man roster to assure me I could work my way back to Iberia Field. I was cut loose with no guarantee anyone would want me.

When I was younger, I had plenty of confidence in my abilities. I put up solid numbers even though I was never going to be a record breaker. My coaches and managers called on me for my ability to go out there and play a smart game every day, knowing that I wouldn’t let them down. Now, I was creeping up on forty, which felt ancient with all of the kids in their early twenties being called up every week. Granted, I still had a few years to go before hitting that particular milestone, but when sitting next to guys who were barely into their twenties, that didn’t matter. I was fucking old.

I wasn’t as confident as Sam that another team would want me. Last year hadn’t been my best, but I’d also had a lot on my mind. Seattle had never felt like home to me. It was the place I’d been shipped off to play whether I liked it or not. And then my grandpa died and I was left to deal with that. And yeah, the drama with Mason and Sean being outed took an emotional toll on me as well. I wanted to be there for them, to help make sure they weren’t going to fall apart when faced with the assholes coming at them with disgusting slurs. I shouldn’t have let any of that affect my play, but I know it all had.

And honestly, I wasn’t sure I’d take a deal if it was offered to me unless I was guaranteed I wouldn’t be back in the minors. Having to go down and wait for the skipper to call me into his office at my age would be humiliating. Not only that, but where the young players looked at it as a way to groom themselves into the players of the future, for guys like me, it was no different than being sent out to pasture.

“Thanks for letting me know, Sam,” I responded. I didn’t let him know about any of the reservations I felt at the time because I didn’t want him to think I was giving up. I wasn’t a quitter, it was more that I was starting to realize that baseball couldn’t last forever and it might be time to get ready to hang it up.

“I’m sorry I dropped this on you right before the holiday,” Sam apologized. “But you needed to know as soon as I did.”

“I understand. Happy Thanksgiving.” When I hung up the phone, I realized all eyes were on me. Even Cam had stopped cooking, waiting to see what was going on. I choked on the words, not ready to voice to those closest to me what I already knew. “I’m a free agent. Seattle decided they didn’t want to sign the new contract.”

Drew was by my side immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Hey, something else will come along. Maybe even something where you won’t be all the way on the other side of the country.”

“Yeah, maybe.” I wished I still had the optimism he held toward the game. He was just entering his prime and had yet to realize just how shitty it was to realize that the glory days don’t last. I slid out of his grasp and told everyone I’d be back. I needed a few minutes to clear my head and wasn’t in the mood for anyone to try and cheer me up.

I probably shouldn’t have been driving, but my car was the only place I could think of where no one would try interrupting my moping. I drove for over an hour before parking my car in front of Sean’s house. I wasn’t even sure if they were still home, but I needed to talk to him.

The house was dark except for one light shining from somewhere in the back. I stood in front of the door and debated whether or not to ring the bell. I jumped when the front porch light turned on, blinding me since my eyes had adjusted to the pitch black night.

“Halloween was a few weeks ago, kid. You’ll have to come back next year,” Mason teased. He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. As much as I liked the guy, I wasn’t in the mood for his comic relief. Then again, he was the one person in our circle of friends who might understand the bullshit swirling through my mind. Maybe it wasn’t Sean I drove over here to see at all. “Hey, you okay?”

Mason gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I had no clue how he wasn’t freezing his ass off. It couldn’t be more than forty degrees and the forecasters were calling for snow tonight, and yet it didn’t seem to bother him that he was only wearing his old Bulldogs T-shirt.

“Had better days,” I admitted. “Would it be rude to invite myself in? It’s fucking cold out here.”

“Yeah, sure. Just keep your voice down until we get to the basement. Asher’s teething again and he’s not a fan. It took Sean over an hour to get him calmed down enough to go to sleep.”

I kicked out of my shoes and placed them next to the door. No shoes beyond the foyer was one of Sean’s rules since Asher started crawling. It was adorable to see him turn into the freaky first time parent when it came to anything related to their son.

Mason grabbed a couple of beers and motioned for me to follow him. He pulled out his phone, explaining that he was texting Sean to let him know we were down here as he typed.

“So, what’s got you looking like someone kicked your puppy?” Mason asked once his phone was back in his pocket.

“Sam called me today,” I told him. I didn’t need to explain who Sam was. His name was well known in the league.

“And?”

“And basically told me I’m too old for Seattle. They passed on a new contract which means we’re going into December and I have no fucking clue what’s going on next year.” Now that the shock had started to wear off, I was angry. Yeah, my numbers weren’t the best, but I’d worked my ass off for that team. The least they could have done was give me the courtesy of some sort of hint they weren’t certain I’d be back next year. But that wasn’t how the business side of the game worked. Hell, some guys didn’t even have the security of being with the same team from the time they showed up at the park in the morning until they got in their cars to go home.

“They said that?” Mason took a long draw of his beer before standing and reaching into the high cupboards behind the bar for a bottle of Jack. I couldn’t get plowed since my guys were waiting for me at home, but one to settle my nerves didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“No, you know they never make that much sense,” I scoffed before tossing back the piss warm liquid. I hated the yeasty taste of Jack, but I wasn’t picky at that point. I just wanted something to take the edge off. “He just said they didn’t sign the contract but that he’s looking for other deals for me.”

“Well that’s promising,” Mason responded. The door at the top of the steps opened and Sean came down with three more beers. I begged off, not wanting to push my limits. Knowing the way today had gone so far, it’d be my luck for me to think I was fine and wind up getting a DUI.

Mason quickly brought Sean up to speed on my news. I was grateful for that, because every time I had to admit that I was a player without a team, I grew more upset. At this rate, I was going to be unfit for company by the time Drew’s parents showed up in the morning.

“So you find another team,” Sean said, as if it should be that easy. I quirked an eyebrow in his direction. “Seriously, you’ve still got some ball left in you. I’m sure someone will pick you up before the month is out.”

“Yeah, but what if I don’t want some team?” I asked. When I woke up this morning, I’d thought that life was pretty damn good for the first time in a long time. It’d be nice to figure out a way to have that feeling every day, and that may not be possible while I was still playing.

“Then you sit down like Mace did and figure out what’s next for you,” Sean offered. “I thought he was crazy when he announced he was quitting, but it turned out to be the best thing for him.”

Mason nodded in agreement. Now that I thought about it, I couldn’t remember him ever saying he regretted walking away when he had. Granted, his situation was a bit different than my own. He’d just been outed which had been a determining factor, but he’d also lost his drive for the game over a year before he walked away. I still loved playing. My thoughts of retiring weren’t because I didn’t enjoy the game, but because I wanted to go out on my own terms and I felt that opportunity slipping away from me.

“Yeah, but what am I going to do after that? This is all I’ve done in my life.” I couldn’t sit around the house or waste my days on the golf course. Whatever happened, I needed to know there was still a purpose in my life.

You know what you need to do, I thought to myself as Mason and Sean tried to reassure me that I’d figure it all out. And they were right. I’d already been thinking about leaving, even if I hadn’t really thought it’d happen this soon. I’d found myself envious of what Drew and Bryce were doing down at the center and had wished it’d be possible for me to do something like that. Maybe it was.

I started glancing at my watch, trying to figure out how quickly I could get out of there and back home. I didn’t want to seem rude, as though I’d only stopped by because I had a problem, but that was somewhat true. Besides, Mason and Sean probably wanted to get to bed since they had a long drive to Indiana in the morning with a teething one-year-old.

Sean noticed my inattention and took it upon himself to start stretching and yawning, the universal symbol for “You’re a great guy, but get the fuck out of my house.” I stood and gave Mason a one-armed hug before walking to the door with Sean.

“Hey, thanks for listening to me bitch,” I said as I reached for the front door. “I probably should have talked to Drew and Bryce, but you know how it is with the younger guys. They’re all convinced that baseball is all there is to life and that it’ll go on forever.”

Sean chuckled. “God, when did we get to be the old men of the league?” he asked, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, it’s all going to work out however it’s supposed to. Like I said before, Mason has never been happier than he’s been since retiring. And I mean never. It’s like he’d always carried around the stress of trying to make everyone proud of his accomplishments, even when that wasn’t what he really needed in his life.”

“Yeah, but he also had Asher to keep his mind off what he was missing when spring training started,” I pointed out. God, I had no clue how I was going to get through February and March, sitting at home in Wisconsin while my buddies were in the sunny South playing.

“So get a dog or something,” Sean suggested with a laugh. “Really, they aren’t that much different than kids. You have to feed them, love on them, and clean up when they shit all over the place.”

I rolled my eyes because Sean was being ridiculous. I’d like to see anyone tell him they knew what it was like to be a parent because they had an animal. Other than the occasional middle of the night potty break, dogs didn’t require all that much. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that.”

Sean walked me out to my car. He leaned against the roof on the passenger’s side as I unlocked the doors. “Hey, I mean it. This really isn’t the end.”

“I know,” I assured him. “You guys have a good trip. Give me a call when you get back to town.”

As I drove away, I repeated Sean’s words to myself. This wasn’t the end. There was something else out there for me, but it was up to me to figure out what that was.

Chapter 18

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s fine.” Bryce grabbed my arm to keep me from pacing around the room. I’d been telling myself the same thing for the past hour, but now that I knew Eric had left without his phone, I was worried. He’d just gotten shitty news and took off. We were supposed to be having a relaxing night at home with Cam and Jason, but instead, everyone was trying to avoid talking about what’d just happened.

Cam knew better than to try to tell me it’d all be okay. I’d always hated when people said that shit, because there was no way to guarantee it would be. And I wasn’t only thinking about tonight and Eric being on the road while he was upset. I worried about the future, both his and ours. I hated myself for thinking this could be a good thing because it meant he wasn’t going to live on the west coast during the season. It meant I would be the only one with a fucked up schedule eight months out of the year.

Jason stepped outside, and I watched as he made some phone calls. “I just talked to Sean,” he announced when he came back into the house. “Apparently he’s over there.”

“There, now you know he’s not out doing something stupid,” Bryce said, leading me to the couch.

“I don’t understand why he’d storm out the way he did,” I admitted. I’d foolishly thought that now that the three of us were trying to turn this into a serious relationship, he would’ve turned to one of us instead of leaving. Not only that, but he went to his former lover’s house.

Bryce laughed as he sat down next to me. “You, of all people, have no right to judge someone for not wanting to talk about what’s bothering him. I wish he wouldn’t have left just as much as you do, but I’m sure he had his reasons.”

“Still sucks.” I was sulking, and I knew it. It seemed to be something I’d gotten pretty good at in the past month.

“True, but it’s not going to change anything for you to get pissed off about it,” Bryce reminded me. What I’d originally thought was an inability to get upset about anything turned out to be a staunch refusal to let anyone make him lose his cool. I admired that, even when it did frustrate the shit out of me. “Now, why don’t you go in there and help Cam get everything put away and then we’ll go to bed.”

“Don’t need the help,” Cam called out from the kitchen. Bryce glared at him, making me realize it was more so I’d have something to do than because he thought Cam couldn’t take care of it on his own. “Take him to bed. His mood’s not going to improve at all until Eric gets home. He’s just going to be the moody asshole we all know and love.”

“Am not,” I protested.

“Don’t try that shit with me,” Cam warned. Jason and Bryce both chuckled. “Every time shit doesn’t go your way, you get all pissy. Right now, it’s because you’re feeling like Eric doesn’t trust you enough to open up to you, even though that’s a crock of shit. If I had to guess, he’s trying to keep from worrying you with his problems. He knows you’re going to try to tell him it’ll all be okay, and that’s not what he needs right now.”

Bryce pulled me to his side when I tried to storm out of the room. Cam was too close to the truth for comfort. “He’s right. Just like you needed time to be pissed off and angry after the attack, Eric needs time now to work out whatever emotions he’s feeling.”

“There’s no reason for him to be pissed,” I argued. “Shit like this happens all the time. Someone else will pick him up. I know they will.”

Jason joined us in the living room and sat down in Eric’s chair. Well, what I used to think of as Eric’s super comfy, ratty and out of place recliner when he’d first come home at the end of the season. “Drew, the reality is they might not,” he told me. “It’s different for him than it is for you. If you got let go tomorrow, it’d sting, but you’re still young and some other team would scoop you up. He’s nearing the end of his career and teams would rather save their salary money for the stars of tomorrow, rather than someone who might make it another two or three years before his body starts screaming at him to quit.”

“Okay, but if it’s such a given, why’s he upset?” I asked. I was beginning to feel like the naïve kid I assumed they all saw me as. While I really hadn’t thought about what it’d be like to be in my mid-thirties and facing no one wanting me anymore, it seemed like an inevitability when Jason laid it all out. Eric wasn’t the first guy to face this and he wouldn’t be the last.

“Because it sucks to admit you’re getting old,” Bryce responded. “Add to that the fact that I’m sure it took him by surprise, and you have an instant bad mood. Things have been going well here, and he probably hadn’t given himself much time to fret over what was happening with his contract.”

“God, you guys all fucking suck when you make sense,” I grumbled. “Now, I’m going to take Cam’s advice and go try to get some sleep. My parents are leaving early in the morning so they’ll be here well before lunch time.”

I leaned down to kiss Bryce goodnight. “Don’t stay up too long,” I requested. We still hadn’t discussed whether or not it was acceptable for two of us to fuck around when the third wasn’t there, but I needed him. If there was any hope of me getting to sleep, I needed to feel his chest under my head as I curled my body around his.

“I won’t,” he assured me.

I waved goodnight to Cam and Jason, telling Cam to get whatever he needed for them to be comfortable. They were sleeping in what was technically my room. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about changing the sheets in the loft in the morning.

I didn’t bother turning on the lights as I shuffled into the bedroom leaving a trail of dirty clothes in my wake. That’d be sure to piss off Eric since he was a bit of a neat freak, but I didn’t care. He’d pissed me off, too.

The bed was cold. I pulled the covers up to my neck, trying to get warm, but nothing seemed to help. I considered putting on some sweatpants and a T-shirt, but I couldn’t do that because I had to believe Eric would eventually come back. With three grown men in the bed, there was barely a need for a thin blanket, much less clothes, to keep warm at night. It was usually a fight to see who’d get stuck tangled in the sheets because everyone was roasting.

Ignoring the light streaming in from the hall when the bedroom door opened, I flopped onto my stomach and punched down the center of the pillow. “What’d the pillow do to you?” Bryce asked as he walked into the room.

“Don’t mind me,” I said dismissively. “I’ve got a lot on my mind. Eric taking off the way he did was just the icing on the cake.”

Bryce sat down on the edge of the bed and toed off his shoes. I rolled onto my side and watched as he pulled his light blue Polo shirt over the back of his head and threw it into the hamper. I loved that particular shirt because it was the slightest bit too tight since he’d started working out with us in the basement every evening. He had a body that’d make just about anyone drool. I slid to the middle of the bed, making sure there was plenty of room for him to crawl in next to me.

He pulled me against his chest once he was under the covers and kissed the back of my head. “What’s going on up there?”

“A little bit of everything,” I admitted to him. I wasn’t in the mood to talk because I didn’t want him thinking I had doubts about us. The truth was, I was freaking the fuck out on the inside because I knew it’d be impossible to keep my mom from realizing what was going on once she saw all three of us in the same room. I knew she’d be happy Bryce and I were still together because she fucking adored him, but I was nervous about what she’d think when I told her Eric was in the mix as well.

“Then talk to me about it,” Bryce encouraged. “You’re upset with Eric for walking out instead of talking, but isn’t what you’re doing the same thing?”

“No,” I scoffed. “It’s completely different, because at least I’m still here.”

“But you’re not,” Bryce countered. “You’re here physically, but you’re lost in your own head. Rather than talk to me so I can help you find solutions, you’re content to sit and stew. That’s not fair to anyone, because the longer you do that, the more of a prick you become.”

“If I’m such an asshole, you can head out the same door Eric did.” If Bryce was trying to make me feel better, he was doing a shitty job of it. I didn’t need him guilting me.

Bryce’s fingers dug into my shoulders, almost painfully, as he rolled me over so I was facing him. “Eventually, you’re going to learn those games won’t work with me,” he warned me. “I let you push me away before, I’m not going to do it again. Not now that I see it’s something you do when you think people should turn their backs on you. Haven’t you learned by now that I’m more stubborn than you could ever dream of being?”

I huffed out a weak laugh. Bryce was one of the most bullheaded people I’d ever met, but he didn’t come across that way because he chose to stand his ground in more subtle ways.

“Like I said, it’s a little bit of everything,” I repeated, hoping he’d drop it for now so we could both get some sleep.

“Okay, so pick one thing and we’ll start there.”  He ran his hand up and down the length of my arm, grounding me, reminding me that I didn’t have to go through life alone. For whatever reason, Bryce wanted to be here to help me work through my issues.

“I’m worried about tomorrow,” I admitted to him. “We’ve been living in our little bubble here, where it’s just us and the people we can trust to not judge us. Tomorrow, my mom and dad will be here and I don’t want to have to hide from them.”

“So don’t,” Bryce responded. “From what I’ve seen, your parents truly grasp the concept of unconditional love. They don’t judge you for who you are or who you’re with; they love you because you’re their son. Nothing beyond that matters as long as you’re happy and healthy.”

“Yeah, but how long will that last? I feel like I keep testing them, trying to find that invisible line where they’ll decide it’s too much.”

“They won’t,” he stated firmly. He had only met them once, yet he was more certain of my parents’ love for me than I was. “It might take a while for them to see just how good we all are for each other, but they will in time.”

“Yeah, but they’ve already ignored what our pastor tells them about relationships being a man and a woman, what are they going to say when they realize that I’m with two men?” Realistically, I’d known since the night we got together that this was one of the biggest hurdles I’d need to face when it came to being with them. None of us were the one-night stand type, so I think we’d all realized before we admitted it that we wanted more. But more meant eventually facing our families and later the rest of the world.

“When they see how well you’re doing, they’ll come around,” Bryce promised me. “Now, do you feel better?”

I shrugged and Bryce tightened his arms around my body. He did that sometimes, hugging me tightly when I felt adrift. It was just another way he steadied me, and I always wondered how he knew when I needed that firm embrace.

“What’s next?” he questioned. I buried my face into his chest, running my fingers through the dark, coarse hair that thinned out across his stomach.