Текст книги "The Girl with Hearts"

Автор книги: Savannah Blevins

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter 12

 

 

LEILA’S TURTLES

Leila’s eyes were downcast as she sat alone on the front seat of the subway. It rumbled through the underground with such determination and force that it made her tired just thinking about it. She felt exceptionally bad yesterday, and after a miserable morning of needles and pissing in cups, she knew it wasn’t only guilt. The extra rest from skipping the hockey games hadn’t been enough to stop the doctor from increasing her medication.

She stuffed the generic brown bag containing her new medicine into her oversized purse. No one needed to know about it. She didn’t want their sympathy. In fact, she didn’t need it. She had everything completely under control.

A woman across the aisle smiled at her. It was the fourth person to smile at her today. The guilt hit her again. It was cruel to keep her condition a secret, but she had no choice. Austin would overreact and Drew would mother her to insanity. Then there was Henrik.

Clueless, idiotic Henrik.

She felt guilty about him too. It was a new trend. He’d been giving the whole “friends” thing his best shot the past week. Mother Theresa would be proud. She hadn’t seen a single woman in the hallway, and she even caught half an interview of his coach singing his praises. He even used the word responsible.

No one in the history of existence had ever used responsible to describe Henrik Rylander.

It didn’t matter, though. She shot him down at every corner. She even turned down the Mortal Combat marathon with extra buttered popcorn.

They couldn’t be friends. She lacked the patience for it. She would never be able to stomach his juvenile behavior as he played ‘hit it and quit it’ all over Midtown. She also couldn’t risk the chance of another tirade like the one she had with the woman who hung up on her.

It was best for everyone if she followed Drew’s advice and kept her distance.

The subway came to a screeching halt, and she stood to join the fellow patrons in the mass exit. Her head felt light. She probably should have taken her medicine at the pharmacy. She needed to get home. Quick.

***

She shoved open the door to Drew’s apartment, only to be greeted with the sound of bolstered cheering. She absently grabbed her head as the ache behind her eyes began to throb. She turned the corner to peek into the living room, and saw no less than ten oversized men scattered about, all their attention focused directly on the television. “Hey, Sis,” Austin announced from the couch, throwing his hand up in greeting.

“What’s going on?”

She meant to sound chipper, but didn’t. Not even close.

“Henrik’s idea,” Drew explained from his spot on the floor. His brows were drawn together in defiance like he just lost some ferocious battle. “Team bonding day watching the football game.”

“That’s nice.” Again she tried to smile, but couldn’t even manage a fake one. “Why are they bonding here instead of his apartment, exactly?”

“Because we wanted to include you.”

She spun around to find Henrik behind her, a stack of pizza boxes in his arms. “You made it back just in time for lunch, and the second quarter.”

She frowned at him. He wasn’t allowed to be in her apartment. Her icy attitude the last time he showed up unannounced should have made that point clear. He especially couldn’t show up looking irresistible in his faded jeans and ripped t-shirt, acting all sweet and thoughtful. Except, actually, it was his apartment, which meant he could be there as much as he wanted.

Her frown deepened.

She needed to start looking for her own place. Soon. Of course that required a job and a steady income. It wasn’t like her to depend on anyone else, even if it was her brother and best friend. If only the job interview she called about last week would come through, she could move out, get some distance, and maybe a little perspective that didn’t involve the outline of Henrik’s abs through his shirt.

“I’m not hungry.”

“But it’s pizza. Do you know how long I had to argue with Austin to let me break our training diet for this?”

She slipped by him down the hallway toward her room. She would use the faucet in her bathroom to take her medicine before she lay down.

“Hey, wait a second,” she heard him call after her.

He’d discarded the pizza by the time he’d caught up with her at bathroom door. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She knew better than to try to smile again, so she tried to lie better. “I’m just tired. I’ve had a busy morning.”

He stuffed his hands in the front pockets of his jeans, scuffing the toe of his sock against the carpet. “Where have you been?”

“Shopping.”

“Doesn’t look like you had much luck.”

“I didn’t, which is why I’m tired. So, if you’ll excuse me—”

She tried to shut the door, but he caught it. “You’re tired a lot lately.”

Her stomach knotted up, and she suddenly felt nauseated. “What do you mean?”

“It just seems that you’re always putting off hanging out with me,” he explained in a whisper, but she could feel the tension in his voice.

She let out a sigh. Relieved. “I’m not avoiding you, Henrik.”

He smiled, a small dimple forming in his cheek. “Yes, you are.”

“Not intentionally.”

He stepped forward, his hand grazing under her elbow as he dropped his voice between them. “Yes, you are.”

She rubbed her eyes. It wouldn’t be much longer until the flashes started, or orbs started to appear in her vision. She needed her medicine.

“Go lay down,” he instructed, his hand delicately brushing the edge of her shoulder. “Get some rest. We’ll discuss it later.”

She wanted to argue. In fact, she wanted to scream at him. She hated that she wanted to give in so easily. She wanted to watch Mortal Kombat and laugh every time he dropped his voice to mimic Scorpion. She wanted to eat pizza and meet his friends. She wanted him to be human—to have a heart.

But Drew was right. He was Tin Man Henrik.

She pushed his hand away, ashamed of the adrenaline spike the small contact created inside of her, and shut the door.

“I’ll try and keep the noise to a minimum,” he added on the other side, but she didn’t respond. She stood there, her head against the cool metal, and waited until his footsteps retreated back down the hallway.

She needed to tell them. Henrik needed to understand why the playful banter and his game to break her willpower had to stop. She knew that. However, it wouldn’t be today.

***

Leila woke up three hours later feeling slightly refreshed, only to find the apartment completely empty. She wandered aimlessly around, looking for some sign it had housed half a hockey team earlier that day, but it was spotless. She made her way into the kitchen, deciding to eat lunch. She managed to finish an entire BLT and two sides of fries when she heard a commotion at the front door. She hurried around the corner to find it was only the boys, attempting to squeeze through the small frame at the same time.

She laughed at the ridiculous sight. “Watch it,” Drew groaned, shoving his brother, only to bounce back and land against Austin. Poor Drew looked like a Hobbit trapped between two trolls as he tried to fight his way through the door.

“You watch it,” Henrik shot back, pulling a load of bright yellow bags through the door behind him. “I’m the one doing all the work.”

“Where have you guys been?” she inquired, eyeing the nameless bags as Henrik set them down at his feet.

“Shopping.” Austin threw himself down on the couch as if the activity had been strenuous.

Her interest was instantly piqued. Boys, especially these three particular ones, loathed even the thought of going into a department store. Something was off about the entire scenario, and she was confident it had something to do with her. “What exactly did you buy?” She leaned up on her tiptoes to sneak a peek in the bags.

“That’s the best part,” Henrik told her, pulling a piece of paper out of his back pocket and handing it to her. “I was going to tell you about it this morning, but Austin thought it was best to wait until we were more prepared.”

She cautiously took the paper from him, analyzing the overzealous smile plastered on his face. She slowly unfolded it and read through the bold writing down the page. The annual Rangers Halloween extravaganza was scheduled for that afternoon. Costumes strongly suggested, noted a handwritten amendment on the bottom.

She eyed the yellow bags again, noticing Drew and Austin shared the same ridiculous smile. “Costumes? You realize they were probably referring to the kids, right?”

“What do you have against costumes?”

“Nothing, I guess. The kids will love it. You guys will have a good time.”

She spun around, prepared to run.

But their voices rang out in unison. “Stop.”

She winced, pausing at the edge of the doorframe.

“You guys?” Austin’s voice echoed behind her. “You’re coming with us.”

She turned around slowly, knowing now why they’d all shown up together. It was an intervention. She could see it in the sad way they each looked at her, as if she were a fragile piece of glass hanging on the edge of a cliff.

She pulled herself up, attempting to appear in control of herself, but it was a nearly impossible feat while wearing Drew’s decade-old Power Ranger pajamas. “Why would I come to your team’s Halloween party?”

“Because it’s hosted by the Rangers organization, and it’s for our families,” Henrik explained.

“And I want to spend time with my sister,” Austin added softly, smiling at her.

She folded her arms over her chest. “You just want me to get out of the apartment.”

“That too,” he confessed, getting up to walk over to her. “You’ve been to one game in the last two weeks, and even then you bailed on dinner afterward. Since then, you may have left this apartment a couple times at best.”

“And your brilliant solution is to make me go with you to a Halloween party?” She looked around for Drew, hoping he would come to her rescue. Drew merely mimicked the same sympathetic smile Austin had given her.

“The bottom line is, if I have to go, so do you.”

It was a damn conspiracy.

She didn’t want to go to the Halloween party, not because she didn’t want to spend time with them, but because of the same reason she hadn’t called her friend Laney, or gone to the grocery store after those cookies she loved. The thought alone was debilitating, and then to add the emotional gauntlet that was Henrik into the equation, they might as well be asking her to swim through a tsunami.

“You bought a costume for me, didn’t you?”

Henrik beamed. “Just wait until you see,” he said, digging through the bags. He jerked out a shirt and green mask. “You’re going to be a Ninja Turtle!”

“A Ninja Turtle?”

Damn it. She loved Ninja Turtles. It didn’t matter, though. She had to get out of it. “Even if I was going to this party, which I’m not, I would never wear that. You realize I’m a girl, right?”

Henrik smirked at her, holding back whatever filthy thought popped into his head. She shot him a warning glare.

“I told the salesperson I needed a woman’s costume that didn’t involve the word sexy in front of it,” Austin began to explain, “because I know how your feminism flares up. This was the best I could manage.”

“Apparently, we shop at the slutty Halloween store.” Henrik grinned. “Don’t worry, though. You won’t be lonely, because—” he began pulling out more green shirts and masks “—we’re going as Ninja Turtles too!”

His enthusiasm was exhausting.

She didn’t want to tell Austin no. It was the first time since they were kids that they’d had the chance to spend any kind of significant time together. It was the ideal opportunity for movie-perfect, sparkly bonding time.

She wasn’t feeling sparkly, though. She felt like coal.

“It’ll be fun,” Henrik urged.

Fun wasn’t part of her remedial plan. Rest. Sleep. Any nameable Henrik-less activity. That was her new routine.

“You can’t say no to this face,” Drew said through the small slit in his dime shop mask. “You love me too much.”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her costume out of Henrik’s hands. “Love is a strong word right now,” she grumbled, stomping off toward the bedroom. “In fact, I hate all of you.”

“Thank you for participating,” Henrik yelled after her. “You won’t regret it!”

“That wasn’t a confirmation.”

“We leave at five.” His voice echoed down the hallway, but she could imagine him grinning like an idiot. Even though she tried not to, she smiled as she slammed the door shut behind her.

She had to tell him.

Tonight.

Chapter 13

 

 

LEILA’S PARTY

Madison Square Garden could have been mistaken for an episode of Tales from the Crypt. The decoration committee must have found a sale on foam tombstones. Leila pulled her hand out of a fake spider web that clung to the boards around the rink as she skated to the side. She pushed her Raphael mask on top of her head, gasping for air.

She needed to take it slow. One lap around the rink was too much. Her head buzzed as she fought to keep herself upright. She slowly moved herself toward the bench and leaned against the railing.

Her breathing slowed, and her body relaxed. She couldn’t let herself get caught up in the excitement, but it was so easy. There were too many smiles, and too much laughter. A group of pint-sized Transformers whizzed by her, chasing a cackling Batman. She smiled too, until a different smile turned in her direction.

She was aware of Henrik. Always.

He’d started a pickup game with a group of teenagers at the other end of the ice. He played goalie while the kids tried their best shootout moves on him. He sucked at goalie—not even on purpose—so the kids were having a blast.

She intentionally looked the other way, but it was still there. That prickle of acknowledgment seeping down her spine. She focused her attention anywhere else, cursing Drew for abandoning her. Drew refused to skate, and immediately took Sam and Callen’s offer to play video games in one of the suites. So, instead, she looked for Austin, but he was busy helping his friend Michael pull his young toddlers around on a sled.

Their smiles were contagious.

Leila stood back and took it all in, smiling to herself for the first time as she watched the family-filled scene unfold in front of her.

She even felt a little happy herself.

The notion seemed foreign. As she thought back over the past two years, she wondered if she’d ever been happy at all. She couldn’t remember, but she doubted it. It was as if she’d gradually fallen into this construed misconception of what being happy actually meant. Her relationship had been a production, a show she played out every day to convince herself that she was content. Looking back on it, she remembered the hundreds of nights she spent alone, the unanswered phone calls, and the clipped conversations. It made her sad. She pitied that part of herself, the part that trusted, and always gave the benefit of the doubt. She’d never know that girl again. She would never be able to look in a man’s eyes and just believe his words as truth. Her heart was too jaded for that now, still too raw from the memories. She wondered if the pain would ever truly go away for good.

She flinched, jerking her shoulder around. Henrik still watched her, his eyes trained on her as he stood unaware of the ensuing game around him. A puck zoomed by his shoulder without a blink of his eyes. She wanted to turn away again, but her body wouldn’t follow her mind’s demand. There was something about him, being near him, or feeling his gaze upon her, that transformed the ragged anger inside of her into something else, offering a moment’s relief.

He absently handed his stick to someone and skated to her. He didn’t say a word. It wasn’t necessary. He simply stood beside her, turning to watch the vision displayed in front of them. She breathed for the first time, and she finally shared a little bit of the happiness that surrounded her.

“I should have done this a long time ago.” She waved at the kid Austin pulled by in the sled.

“What? Come to our team functions?”

She shook her head, laughing when Austin took a sharp turn, rolling the kid off the sled to his complete delight. “Break up with Derek. Spend more time with Austin and Drew.”

“And me,” he added, glancing over at her.

She snorted. “That’s still up for debate.”

There it was—the doubt that would plague her forever. She wanted to smile at Henrik, to admit the past couple weeks hadn’t actually been so bad having him around, and how he ignited that tiny spark of hope inside of her that maybe they could actually co-exist. Except, she couldn’t. There was too much at stake now.

He rolled his eyes, obviously annoyed with her answer. “I thought we’d been having a good time lately. You know, on the rare occasion when you’re not unintentionally ignoring me.”

She glanced at him, frowning at his ridiculous grin. His hair, which had started to grow out, stuck out from underneath the ball cap he’d traded in for his Michelangelo mask. It reminded her of college, all the times she’d seen him lounging in the commons area, his faded green Fighting Sioux hat hiding his bed head. The memory hurt. As much as she told herself that she hated him then, it was just a lie to save what was left of her cracked heart.

“We’ve been tolerating each other,” she blew out, turning away from him. “I don’t necessarily know if that qualifies as having a good time.”

It was true. The past three weeks she hadn’t done much of anything. She’d called to have the few bills that were in her name transferred to Derek, but other than that, she’d been a ghost in Drew’s apartment. Randomly walking from one room to the next, not really sure what to do with herself. Sure, Henrik had been around during that time—stopping by for lunch after practice, or a late dinner after a game. He’d even brought over her favorite movies, and left his iPad for her so she could download some books. The more she thought about it, she realized he’d been there every single day, with the exception of the five days he was out of town on road trips.

“You’re in denial.”

Her brows shot up, suddenly taken aback by the harsh tone he’d used. “Of what?”

He crossed his arms. “Our friendship.”

“Sleeping together doesn’t make us friends,” she whispered back, using the same jilted tone of voice he’d used.

They’d been lovers, once, and it didn’t go beyond that. To pretend otherwise would only be another mistake in the long list she was accumulating.

He moved closer to her, his voice a soft rush between them. “We didn’t hook up for the hell of it, Leila. You came to me for help. You were upset, and I comforted you the best way I knew how at that point.”

“How gentlemanly of you.”

His teeth snapped together. “Damn it, Leila.”

She tried to move, but he balled the edge of her shirt into a fist, holding her in place.

“Why do you always have to be so damn stubborn with me?”

She pried his fingers back, shooting a look toward Austin. He would draw attention to them if he didn’t stop. She didn’t want to have this conversation with him at all, let alone with an audience. All she wanted was to pretend she could be happy again.

She could make it that way, she promised herself, eventually. She’d move somewhere, on her own, start fresh. She could do it by herself.

Henrik shifted forward, now standing close enough that his chest brushed against the back of her shoulder. “Let’s say it was just sex. Even though we both know it wasn’t. Give me one good reason why we can’t be friends now.” He stepped back as Austin skated by, but then scooted even closer. “I’ve stopped accepting calls. I haven’t been out. I’ve even made it an entire two weeks without hitting on you.”

“Is that some sort of record for you, or something?” she asked dryly, still looking forward, trying to deny the way his breath felt on her neck.

“Well—yeah,” he admitted. “You haven’t exactly made it easy.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, and he grinned back at her. It was his you-can’t-stay-mad-me grin. “You look cute in green.”

She rolled her eyes. She couldn’t do this again. Not with Henrik.

“What?” He threw out his hands, laughing.

She spun around, scowling at him. “That is exactly why we can’t be friends.”

“Why? Because you’ve lost the ability to take a joke?” He followed after her, his every word saturated with the same unruly confidence that had turned her speechless from the very beginning. “A koala bear is cute. Bambi is cute. What’s so wrong with it?”

“It’s not that.”

He slid an inch closer. “Enlighten me, then.”

“It’s that stupid look on your face. It’s the exact same one that you—” She stopped, realizing what she was about to admit to him. It was the same grin he gave her the first night she met him. The same night he almost gave her a concussion. She couldn’t stay mad at him then either.

A friendship with Henrik would set herself up for failure again. He wasn’t capable of friendship, let alone—“Just never mind.”

“That I what?” He hurried and skated up beside her, brushing his hands against her wrist. “Leila, talk to me.”

She instantly jerked away. “No, Henrik. The simple fact is we can’t be friends.” It had already become more complicated than she ever intended. That night with Henrik was only meant to boost her ego and damper the betrayal that stung her so bitterly. If she had known what it would lead to—this reflux of emotion she thought died a long time ago, she might have just beat the hell out of Derek’s car instead. “As far as I’m concerned, we didn’t have sex that night.”

He groaned, whirling in front of her so she’d have no choice but to look at him. “You can’t just pretend that night didn’t happen.”

She stopped just before crashing into him, her cheeks burning as her voice unintentionally went up two octaves. “Yes, I can.”

He paused, his hands grabbing her shoulders. She thought he’d surely be angry, but his touch was soft. She shook now, her pulse beating a warning in her ears. It had only taken a second for her reaction to spiral out of control.

“Leila—”

White spots sprinkled before her eyes as a cold sweat broke out across her forehead. She instantly felt nauseated, and it caused her to return Henrik’s grasp.

“Leila,” he repeated as if he wasn’t sure she could even hear him. “Are you all right?”

She could see him waving off people who turned around and stared. She blinked, her hand going to her throat and face. Heat stung her features. She was definitely going to be sick. “I need some air.” Her legs threatened to buckle beneath her. “I’ve got to get out of here.”

“I know a place we can go,” he assured her.

She clutched his hand and let him lead her off the ice.