Текст книги "Fall From India Place"

Автор книги: Samantha Young

Соавторы: Samantha Young
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“And your grandfather? Didn’t he think what you did for that girl was heroic?”

Marco scoffed. “Heroic? No. He called me a worthless, stupid, ignorant piece of shit. He said a father’s blood always tells and my blood was telling.”

My own blood turned red-hot. “Your grandfather’s a dick of the highest order.”

“My grandfather’s dead.”

I tensed. “What?”

He sighed, leaning forward again. “The morning after we slept together Nonna called to tell us Nonno had died of a heart attack. I flew back to Chicago that night with my aunt and uncle.”

“That’s why you left Scotland?”

“Yeah. My aunt and uncle returned to Scotland but I didn’t come back for a year because I wanted to make sure Nonna was okay and I… I had a difficult time letting go of the fact that I was never going to get closure with my grandfather. I was never going to get an apology or whatever validation it was I was looking for from him. I tried to find peace, but I couldn’t, so I decided to come back here.”

I pushed my fork around my plate. “I understand all that, Marco, and I’m sorry he ever made you feel that way, I am. I’m truly sorry. But that doesn’t explain why you left me in that room after I gave you my virginity and told you I loved you. It doesn’t explain why you never tried to look me up since coming back.”

The sudden intensity in Marco’s gaze captured me. His voice sounded even rougher than usual as he replied, “I left you because I thought I didn’t deserve to touch you. I felt like a selfish bastard for having sex with you because… I felt like I was nothing because he told me I was nothing, and scum like me didn’t deserve to touch you, let alone take what you gave me. But I got so caught up in you and how much I wanted you I forgot all that… until you told me you loved me.”

I felt cold, remembering the moment well.

“When we met… at first the situation with Jenks just reminded me of Jamal and the girl. It didn’t matter if I didn’t know you. I was there, I saw that shit happening and I knew what Jenks was like, so I wasn’t going to stand there and let that happen to you. I walked you home because I didn’t want him to circle back on you.

“I stood outside the school gates to make sure you were okay because after I walked you home that one time I thought you deserved someone looking out for you. You were a funny, smart, kind girl, and you looked at me in a way no one had before. Like I had something interesting to say and you wanted to hear all about it. That felt better than you can imagine. I wanted to feel that way again. I got addicted to feeling that way whenever you were around. I even started hoping for reasons for you to miss that bus home. I let something happen that I thought I shouldn’t have. I let us get close.

“I didn’t want you to love me, Hannah, because I was terrified I’d hurt you, and, yeah, I know that sounds fucked up now since I hurt you by walking out on you, but at the time I thought I was doing you a favor.”

“A favor?” I guffawed. “I thought I was in love with you. I let myself be vulnerable with you in every way I could and you scrambled off me as if you couldn’t bear to be near me. You broke my heart.”

Marco clasped his hands into a fist, resting his chin on them. “I know,” he whispered back. “I’ve never regretted anything more in my life. It was fucked up and stupid and if I could take that moment back I would.”

“All of it?” I found myself asking.

His eyes drifted to my lips and then back up to my eyes again. “No,” he replied, his voice thick. “Just the part where I left you.”

“If you feel that way, why didn’t you come back to me when you returned to Scotland?”

“Because I didn’t feel that way then. Nothing magically changed when Nonno died, Hannah. I still felt worthless for a very long time.”

“When did it change? Why?”

Marco’s gaze lowered and he gave a tiny shake of his head. “I don’t know. It was nothing. Everything. I grew up, I worked hard, and I began to find value in myself. Somewhere, bit by bit, day by day, I found self-worth. I found it by proving that bastard wrong.”

“I’m glad you found that,” I told him honestly. “But that still doesn’t tell me why after that you didn’t come find me.”

“Because by then years had passed, Hannah. I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know if I could stand to have you look at me like I was nothing after it took me so long to feel about myself the way you used to look at me.”

“Until the wedding?”

“Until the wedding,” he agreed, heat entering his eyes now. “It was a shock to see you there, but seeing you again… God, I thought I knew how much I missed you until I saw you again. I know I came on strong trying to get you to talk to me, and I’m sorry if I freaked you out… but you didn’t look at me like I was worthless at the wedding. You looked pissed, but it wasn’t this fucking awful thing I’d built up in my head. With that fear gone, I just really needed the chance to apologize and I was willing to do anything I could to get that chance.”

Something inside me, something I wanted desperately to ignore, exalted at his confession. “And now that you’ve explained everything… what do you want from me?”

“Forgiveness,” he answered sincerely. The sincerity quickly dissipated under the weight of the intensity that entered his expression. That look filled the whole room until I felt stifled by it. “And a second chance to get to know you.”

With my body physically responding to him, I narrowed my eyes and fought to ignore that response. “In what way?”

“Not just as friends, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

I jerked back in my seat at his blunt reply. “You’re not even going to pretend to want to be just friends so you can try a sneak attack for more?”

Marco stared at me with serious determination. “I’m not going to hide that I want to get to know who you are now. I’m also not going to hide the fact that I think you’re still the classiest, most fucking beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, or the fact that I remember the taste of you and it still makes me hard.”

I couldn’t breathe.

“Hannah?” He frowned at my silence.

I reached for my beer and took a long swallow, trying to collect myself.

“Hannah?”

My eyes clashed with his. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to say ‘Marco, I forgive you and, yes, I want to get to know you again.’”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” I whispered.

For a minute I thought he wasn’t going to say anything, but suddenly he stood up. I tilted my head back, watching warily as he strode around the table to tower over me. I sucked in my breath as he leaned down, his heat hitting me, his cologne wafting over me, and I couldn’t suppress the shiver that cascaded down my spine when he pressed his warm lips to my cheek. My eyes round with surprise, I gaped at him as he straightened and said, “I’ll give you a couple of days to think about it.”

CHAPTER 11

I stared woefully at the wall in front of me decorated with Cole’s tattoo art. The buzz of the tattoo needle next door played a sound track to Saturday lunch with my best friend. Cole was working at INKarnate and I’d stopped by with food so we could hang out on his lunch break.

I could feel his eyes burning into me.

Giving in to his silent question, I turned to meet his gaze.

He sipped his coffee and continued to stare at me without saying anything.

“What?” I shrugged before biting into my sandwich.

“As grateful as I am for you bringing me lunch, I am wondering if I should count on silence from you from now on?”

Swallowing my food, I rolled my eyes. “What, we can’t just sit in comfortable silence?”

“You didn’t come here to sit in comfortable silence.” Cole relaxed into his seat, putting his feet up on the part of the tattoo chair my arse wasn’t covering. “You came here to talk, so talk.”

“But that would make me the whiniest best friend on the planet.”

“I’ll take whiny over mute.”

I snorted, and turned slightly to face him. “You know exactly what I’m going to say.”

“Hmm.” He crossed his arms over his chest with a mock pensive look on his face. “Is it Marco in the drawing room with the candlestick?”

“Har-de-har-har.” I made a face at him.

Cole grinned unrepentantly.

“I had dinner with Marco a week ago.”

My friend’s eyebrows rose. “And I’m just hearing about this now?”

“Well, I’ve been taking some time, going over and over everything he said. He wants a second chance. At everything.”

“Everything as in… a relationship, not just friendship?”

“Yes.”

“Did he explain why he left?”

“His grandfather died. He went back to the States to be with his grandmother. He has a lot of self-esteem issues because of his grandfather and he just thought… basically he thought I was too good to be in his life and that’s why he never told me he was leaving, and that’s why he never got in touch when he came back.”

“So why the change of heart now?”

I sighed. “He’s changed, Cole. He’s not the guy he was back then, and he says he misses me.”

It was Cole’s turn to sigh. “I’m just going to say to you what I said before. Everyone deserves a second chance. It’s not like what he did was so awful. He left without saying good-bye, but you weren’t together. I think you’re making this more complicated than it is.”

We bloody well had sex!

I frowned. “We were friends, and he knew I cared about him.”

“And he explained his reasons. You may not like them, but that’s the way it is sometimes. We all do stupid things. Marco is trying to make up for his mistakes. He’s been pulling out all the stops to see you. Surely that counts for something.”

Yes – I want it to count for something.

I need it to count for something.

“I just don’t want to get hurt again.”

Cole surprised me with a warm smile. “Then just try the whole friends thing first. It’s not like anyone is forcing you to offer him more than that.”

“Hannah.”

I shivered involuntarily at the rich sound of Marco’s voice in my ear. My hand tightened around my phone. “Hi.”

“I’m glad you called. I was beginning to think I’d need to go to Plan B.”

“Plan B?”

“Much like Plan A but with increased work hours.”

I smiled despite myself. “Well, no need. Your stalking days are over.”

“That sounds like good news.” He practically purred it, and my eyelashes fluttered closed before I could stop them.

Damn him!

“Just as friends!” I found myself blurting out.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m willing to try to be friends again.”

He was silent a moment.

“Marco?”

“Friends,” he finally answered. “But with the hope of becoming more.”

The butterflies were back in my belly. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no.”

“Fine. Friends will do for now.”

“Marco —”

“You can’t take it back. We’re friends. We’re officially spending time together.”

I sighed, willing the crazy fluttering inside me to die down. “How does next weekend sound?”

He hesitated. “I can’t do next weekend, I’m sorry. How about this Tuesday, after work, for drinks? I swapped shifts with a colleague. He’s doing my Wednesday shift if I do tomorrow for him.”

“That’s good for you. You can have a drink and not have to worry about work the next day. However, a weeknight doesn’t really work for me.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not like you’re surrounded by heavy machinery. We’ll have one drink. Or are you too old to go out on a weeknight?” he teased.

I grimaced. “You’re such a child. Fine, Tuesday night. One drink.”

Walking into the bar on George Street on Tuesday evening, I almost tripped over my own feet at the expression on Marco’s face when he saw me.

He stood up from the small booth he was sitting at, his eyes moving from my face, slowly down my body and back up again. The funny thing was there was nothing much to see except for my legs ending in a pair of fur-trimmed ankle boots. I was wearing my favorite green military-style winter coat with fur-trim cuffs. It fitted my body well, but it wasn’t exactly sexy.

Marco’s gaze made me feel sexy.

Damn him.

When I reached him he surprised me by bending slightly to press a kiss to my cheek. My cheek was rosy and cold from the freezing wind outside, but as soon as his lips touched my skin a blaze of heat radiated out from the spot. I must have looked befuddled because he seemed amused and pleased with himself.

Self-consciously I shrugged out of my coat, glad I was wearing a conservative navy wool dress underneath. However, I might as well have been wearing a nightdress for how hot I felt in close quarters with him.

Sliding into the booth beside him, my whole body hyper-aware of his, I knew I had to at least be honest with myself: I had never stopped being attracted to Marco and I’d once been in love with him. Despite the complicated past between us, despite the truths I was withholding, I knew that I could never just be friends with him on the inside, even if I could pretend it on the outside.

Our arms brushed and sparks shot through me like I’d touched a live wire. I couldn’t stamp out that feeling of excitement. That feeling was utterly addictive. From the age of fourteen until the age of seventeen, I’d had that feeling inside me whenever I was around Marco.

I’d missed it.

“How are you?” I gave him a small, hopefully platonic smile.

“I’m good.” His gaze was intense on me, his eyes deliberately trying to hook mine.

For the first time ever with him, I felt shy. I glanced away quickly, searching the bar.

“Can I get you a drink?” he asked.

“Sure. I’ll have a glass of rosé, please.”

As soon as he slid out of the booth my breathing steadied.

You are being such an idiot, I berated myself. This was Marco. So what if he was hot? When I was younger, I’d still been able to carry on a conversation with him!

Pull it together, Nichols.

My eyes followed him as he strode up to the quiet bar, powerful, graceful. He wore a dark blue knit sweater with a shawl collar and a pair of dark blue jeans. He was effortlessly stylish and comfortable with himself in a way he hadn’t been when we were at school.

Momentarily sidetracked from my study of him, I picked up on the lust aimed at Marco emanating from the other end of the bar. Two women sat on barstools, speaking quietly to each other as they watched him with hungry eyes and come-hither smiles.

Marco wasn’t even paying attention.

I relaxed somewhat at his utter lack of interest, jealousy slowly seeping out of me.

Yup. Definitely not just friends.

Damn him.

“So,” he said as he slipped back into the booth beside me, putting my wineglass gently down in front of me as he lightly gripped his pint of lager, “How was work?”

Small talk. Yes, I could do small talk.

I opened my mouth to speak but was immediately distracted by the arm he slid along the back of the booth we were sitting in. I felt surrounded.

What the hell did he just ask?

Work! Right, work. “Good.” I took a quick sip of my wine, hoping the alcohol would help me relax a little. “It’s busy and stressful, but I love teaching.”

“And you were always good at it.”

Not wanting to take another trip down memory lane so soon after our last one, I shrugged and then smiled coaxingly into his handsome face. “You seem to be doing well. Adam speaks highly of you. Says you’ll be a site manager one day.”

“That’s the goal. You work hard, you learn, you get there.”

I smiled softly. “You say you’ve changed, but you had that attitude when we were kids. You took those classes when you didn’t need to. You were always challenging yourself to be better.” Except when it came to me.

“Not always,” he replied pointedly, as if he’d just read my mind. “In that way I’ve changed. I go after what I want now, no matter what.”

I looked away before we ventured into dangerous territory. “How’s your aunt Gabby?”

“She’s good. Real good. Gio eased up on me a lot over the last few years and I know it’s mostly because of Gabby. I’m pretty close to her. It’s nice having family over here.”

“Do you still talk to your family in Chicago?”

“Sure. Magic of the Internet.”

“Of course. I’m glad for you. I’m happy that, for whatever reason, you’re not carrying around all that stuff your grandfather piled on you.”

“Thank you.” His eyes did that intense roaming of my face thing again and I had a sudden vision of throwing myself at him. I mentally slapped my wrist. “And what about you? How’s your family?”

“Really good. Ellie had a little boy, William. She’s pregnant with their second child. “

Marco raised his eyebrows. “Full house, huh?”

I laughed. “You have no idea. Joss and Braden have two kids now, Beth and Luke. My parents’ house is a zoo every Sunday.”

He grinned. “It sounds nice.”

“It is.”

“And your parents and Dec? How are they?”

“They’re well. At least I know my parents are. I wouldn’t know about Dec. He’s eighteen now and spends most of his time in his room with his girlfriend.”

“He’s got a girlfriend. He’s ahead of the curve.”

“Yeah, don’t tell him. He’s brainy and cute and an arrogant little bugger.” I groaned, but Marco smiled at the obvious affection in my voice.

“You always had a nice family, Hannah.”

“Yeah,” I agreed softly.

Marco tensed suddenly. “And Cole?”

I glanced up at him in confusion. “Cole?”

“The guy you were at the wedding with.” Marco shrugged. “Anisha told me who he was.”

“You certainly did your homework,” I murmured, taking another sip of wine. “Cole is Jo’s little brother. He’s my best friend. He’s… been there for me.”

Marco frowned at my answer, not seeming to like it much. “But you’re not together.”

“No, it’s not like that between us.” I put my glass down, my gaze on the table. “Maybe we should steer clear of relationship talk.”

“That’s fine with me.” He tilted his head to the side, eyeing me through his narrowed gaze. “Is Finding Nemo still your favorite movie?”

I laughed at the randomness of the question, relieved by the subject change. “You remember that?”

“Of course.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what my favorite movie is anymore.”

“We’ll need to do something about that.”

“I don’t know. I quite like not having an exact favorite. Is Training Day still yours?”

“Nah, that movie Lawless. Now that is a fucking movie.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen it.”

He smiled and even before he said the words I knew I’d just fallen right into his agenda. “Thursday night, your place, me, you and Lawless.”

I opened my mouth to shoot him down, but stalled when I saw the glimmer in his eyes. He was expecting me to say no, and it suddenly occurred to me that my refusal might reinforce the idea that I was scared of spending time with him. And he could only assume that my fear of spending time with him stemmed from my attraction to him.

I jutted my chin out defiantly. “It’ll need to be later on in the evening. I teach an adult literacy class on Thursday after school.”

Marco chuckled. “I know that. And there’s no need to sound so excited about spending time with me, by the way.”

“Spending time with you doing what?” a familiar voice asked.

I whipped my head around, tilting it back to stare up at Suzanne. I hadn’t seen her since our last night out together, but I wasn’t surprised to bump into her out on the town on a work night.

She raised an eyebrow. “Hi, stranger.” Her eyes moved quickly to Marco and lit up. “So who’s this then?”

“Suzanne.” I hurried to think of something to get her to leave. She was the last person I wanted around Marco. She had no filter whatsoever. “Uh… aren’t you with someone?”

“Date.” She jerked her head in the direction of the bar and I saw a good-looking blond guy watching us. Her gaze was still fixed on Marco as she leaned across the table, deliberately showing off as much of her cleavage as possible. Holding out a hand for him to shake, she said in a faux husky voice, “I’m Suzanne.”

Marco quickly shook her proffered hand. “Marco. I’m an old friend of Hannah’s.”

I stiffened as Suzanne froze at the name.

Right then I cursed our nights at university together, especially the night we got rip-roaring drunk and Suzanne asked me if I was a virgin because I hadn’t slept with any boys at college yet. Drunk and overly emotional I told her about my night with Marco and how I never wanted to let myself be vulnerable with the wrong guy again.

Suzanne’s gaze swung back to me, surprise in her pretty eyes. “No fucking way.”

“Suzanne.” I pleaded silently for her to shut the hell up.

But did she pick up on my signals?

Nope.

She shot Marco a dirty look. “You’ve got a lot to answer for. My girl has so many issues because of you.”

Floor, open up and swallow me. Please.

“Suzanne,” I leaned forward, my voice thick. “Now’s not —”

“No, he should know.” Her eyes widened. “Oh, my God, is he the reason you’ve been such a complete and utter boring bitch lately?”

I was suddenly very disappointed in my taste in friends.

“Watch it,” Marco growled, and Suzanne and I both snapped to attention as if we’d been bitten by the crack of a whip. Marco’s eyes had darkened. I could feel the irritation vibrating from him. “We’re in the middle of a private conversation. You should leave.”

Affronted, Suzanne’s lips parted. Her eyes flew to mine, as if she expected me to stick up for her.

Unfortunately, I didn’t take too kindly to being called a boring bitch in public or in private. In my teacher voice I said, “I’ll speak with you later, Suzanne.”

She made a small harrumph sound, then turned sharply on her five-inch heels and marched toward her date, grabbing his arm and hauling him out of the bar.

“She’s a friend?” Marco asked quietly, incredulously.

“We met at uni. I grew up. She didn’t.”

He pushed his half-empty pint absentmindedly away from him. “Issues?”

I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know what she’s talking about.”

“Anisha told me she didn’t think there was a guy in your life and that you haven’t spoken about any from the past. Maybe that’s what she was talking about?”

My blood was suddenly hot with anger. I took a moment to calm. The last thing I wanted him to believe was that he’d done such a number on me I hadn’t been able to move on. I hadn’t been with anyone else by choice.

Sort of.

I exhaled slowly. “No guy at the moment.”

He appeared to relax at my reply.

I stared at him, letting my eyes connect with his and I felt the power of my attraction to him take hold. He was beautiful in a masculine way, sexy, charismatic. There had to have been many women in his life these last five years. The thought depressed me. “I’m guessing with the way you’ve been with me these last few weeks that there’s no one special in your life at the moment, right?”

Still holding my gaze, Marco’s lips turned up at the corner and I realized I wanted to kiss them right there on that seductive spot. “There’s someone. I just have to convince her of that.”

Yup. Definitely wanted to kiss him.

I narrowed my eyes on him, doing unimpressed convincingly. “I thought I told you we’re just friends.”

His eyes dropped to my mouth in a way that made me squirm. “I heard you.” His heated gaze returned to meet mine. “But I don’t think you heard me.”