Текст книги "Wanting You"

Автор книги: Ryan Michele

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 1 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

 Wanting You
Forever Mine – 1
by
Ryan Michele

To my husband: Thank you for your support and love. And I promise, you will always get the smallest piece of pizza.

1
Vann

The instant my car passed over the Alabama state line, I rolled the windows down in my jeep. I needed to feel the warmth of the air. It wasn’t that California wasn’t nice; it just didn’t have the same warmth as Alabama did for me. This was home. This was where I was going to get back all those years that had been lost and reclaim my life. I would get them back.

Cranking up my iPod, I began to tune out all the wayward thoughts swirling in my head. I knew I shouldn’t have left my mom the way I did, but it was necessary. Telling her the day I was leaving, that I was going home, was abrupt, but I knew she would try to talk me out of it. I wasn’t having any of it. It was past time to return home to my friends and the life that was ripped away from me.

Kinsley and Sawyer had been my best friends since kindergarten. We grew up totally inseparable. We were always there for each other especially when things got rough in all our lives. Not to mention all the shit that happened at school. They were the only two who I could depend on then and now. I could still vividly remember when they thrusted themselves into my life.

“Stop!” I yelled at the boy pulling my pigtails. He had been mean to me all morning. He even pulled my chair out as I was sitting down, causing me to fall. He laughed at me. Now … he won’t go away.

“Aww, are you gonna cry?”

Yes. I was. I wanted him to leave me alone.

“Hey! Get away from her!” A little girl’s voice caught his attention as he stopped pulling.

“You wanna be next?” he barked.

The little girl with light brown hair stood up close to him. “Try it, and I’ll show you what my brother taught me to do to boys who are mean to me.”

“What? A little thing like you?” He laughed.

The little girl lifted her leg, kneeing the boy. The boy grabbed in-between his legs and fell to the ground, yelling as he went down.

“Come on.” The two little girls pulled me away.

“Hi, what’s your name?” the small girl with long blonde hair asked me, holding hands with another little girl with light brown hair. I didn’t want to answer her or look at them. I just wanted to find my mommy. Why did she leave me in this place? I didn’t want to be at this weird building with the Cat in the Hat on the walls. I didn’t like it. “Come on. What’s your name?” she insisted.

Looking around, I saw no one and decided to speak for the first time all day, “I’m Savannah.” My voice was so quiet I really was hoping they wouldn’t hear and just go away.

“Hi. I’m Sawyer and this is Kinsley. We’re friends!” The little blonde girl, Sawyer, jumped up and down. I thought maybe she saw a bug, but when I looked on the ground, there was nothing but crumbs and food wrappers.

“I don’t have friends.” I’d spent all morning keeping to myself. I didn’t know the things the other kids were talking about like DS or XBOX. I had never heard of it, so I just stayed back and listened.

“You do now,” Sawyer said, looking at Kinsley.

“Come on!” Kinsley demanded. My heart began to race when they each grabbed one of my arms pulling me out to the playground.

From that day forward, the three of us were best friends. I missed them so much. I was able to sneak away a few times in college to get together with them, but hadn’t really been in one location with them for five years now. Ever since the summer before my senior year of high school, when my mom decided that we needed to move.

Excited to be heading back to Alabama didn’t do my emotions justice. Thrilled, ecstatic, over-the-fucking-moon was more like it. I knew that when I graduated college, I wasn’t going back to live with my mom. I couldn’t do it anymore. I missed my friends and Grams. But most of all, I missed Deke, the boy who I deserted all those years ago, when he needed me the most.

I knew he still lived in Cottonwood because Sawyer and Kinsley kept me updated on what was going on with him. I wasn’t obsessed—okay, that was a lie—yes, I was a bit obsessed with Deke. The way I left him had eaten at me for five years now. The guilt so powerful it had caused horrible anxiety attacks with bouts of depression. The meds I took helped, but never having that closure with him really bothered me.

I never told him bye, at least not face-to-face. I just couldn’t do it. I took the pansy way out and wrote him a letter telling him everything that I never had the guts to say to him in person. I left my cell number, email, and my aunt Tennie’s phone number, who we moved in with, but I never heard anything. He never returned any of my calls, texts, or emails and eventually I gave up. It gutted me that he cut me out. The pain was still as intense as that first day.

Following the GPS, I finally pulled into the driveway of our new home. I’d seen tons of pictures of it from the girls, but seeing it now with my own eyes, I loved it. I bought this house about a year ago, just from Sawyer’s description of it and her bazillion pictures. It was funny how I could do all the necessary paperwork over the fax machine at my lawyer’s and never had to step foot here.

The two-story house was set on a five-acre lot surrounded by woods. The trees were tall and beautiful just like I remembered the trees at my parents’ house years ago. Not only was it peaceful and serene, but also close enough to town so we were not out in the middle of nowhere by ourselves.

There were two things that totally sold me on this house: location and the wrap-around porch. My work required lots of peace and quiet, and this location would be perfect for that. The thought of sitting on the porch swing, working away on my laptop, made me happy.

Stepping out of the car, I immediately pulled my long blonde hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head. I somehow forgot about the humidity down here. It would definitely be an adjustment.

“You’re here!” I heard Sawyer’s voice and the crunch of her feet on the gravel before I saw her. Turning, she was just as beautiful as I remembered. Nothing about her has changed. Her blonde hair hung just below her shoulders, and her eyes were still the same piercing green they’d been when we were kids. Sawyer was a little thing, but that shouldn’t fool you. She packed a hell of punch with all that kickboxing she did at the gym.

“I am,” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze tightly. God, I’d missed her. Living in California, I was alone, desperately alone. With my mom always in the bottom of a bottle of Jack and my dad not having anything to do with me, I didn’t have anyone to turn to who really knew me. But I always had Kinsley and Sawyer, even from a distance. They were my sisters in my heart and it’d been way too long since we’d all been together at the same time.

“Vann!” Kinsley’s voice pulled my eyes to the door as she barreled out toward me. The last time I saw Kinsley was six months ago when she flew to California. Her parents decided she needed a getaway and she chose to come see me.

Kinsley was a bit of a spitfire. She had always liked to be outside the box, outside the norm and since we lived in small town, it didn’t take much for her to be outside there. She loved getting a reaction from people—good or bad—and she didn’t care much. This was what I adored about her. I wished I had more of that in me.

“Kins!” I let go of Sawyer and went to hug Kinsley. Her hair was much shorter than Saw’s, but the colors were so cool. It was a mixture of blonde, brown, and red, which you would think would look like a clown, but not on her. Her blue eyes filled with warmth for me.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Kinsley said while squeezing all the breath from my lungs.

“I’ve missed you, too.” I choked back. “Okay. Let. Go … Can’t breathe.”

“Come see the house!” Kinsley squealed.

“Yeah, it’s so awesome. You’re going to love it. The contractors fixed it up!” Sawyer’s voice hitched excitedly.

I couldn’t wait to see the inside of the house. Even though I had seen numerous pictures, I knew the contractor’s plans would completely change the entire thing. I wanted my sanctuary with my sisters.

“How was the drive?” Sawyer asked.

“Long. I’m pretty beat. Did the movers bring all my stuff?”

“Yep, and it’s all in the right areas of the house. We didn’t unpack it ‘cause we didn’t know where you wanted it … and well, we didn’t want to.”

“Lazy ass,” I said, playful pushing her aside and laughing out loud.

“I am not! I’m just conserving my energy for you.”

The laughter that poured out of my body felt wonderful to release. It had been so long since I’d really laughed. I wiped the small tears that formed on the side of my eyes.

“Come on,” Kinsley said impatiently. She was an instant girl—something I would need to get used to again. Her fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants and instant gratification mentality took a bit of getting used to, but I wouldn’t change her for the world.

Entering the house, the walkway was just as I envisioned it with coat hooks on one wall and spots for shoes and umbrellas underneath. The girls decorated the other side with beautiful abstract paintings.

The kitchen, living, and dining rooms were all one big huge space. I had the contractors bust out the walls and rooms on the top floor give the house an open feel. They even put in some exposed beams for character.

“This is beautiful girls. I love the brown leather sofa and the kitchen is to die for. Where are the bedrooms?” This I was most excited about.

I had an addition built, making three large suites, one for each of us. Each suite had its own bedroom, bathroom, and loft. Mine was going to be my office.

“This way.” Saw motioned for me to follow her.

Walking into the first door, I was shocked. “Wow,” I gasped. It was just as I had pictured and all my furniture fit perfectly. The blue-gray of the walls with the walnut furniture was beautiful.

“It’s so pretty,” Kinsley admired from the doorway.

“It is. I gotta see upstairs.” I took the stairs two at a time to the loft.

“You know those movers had some choice words for you having to move that huge ass roller desk and furniture up here. They were not too happy,” Saw called.

“Tough. That’s why I paid them.” Walking into my office, it was just as I had envisioned. My roll-top desk—that was my Grams—sat in the corner facing the wall next to the floor-to-ceiling windows. My bookshelves lined the walls just waiting for all my precious beauties to line them. With the large recliner facing the windows, it gave me the ideal space to think and work.

“Is it what you wanted?” Sawyer’s voice was hesitant, and I couldn’t blame her. All I had talked about for the past three months was this room. I wanted it perfect, and it was.

“I love it!” Turning to face both of them, I ran up and hugged each of them. “I’m so happy to be home. Thanks for dealing with all this for me.”

“We’re happy you’re here, too; it hasn’t been the same without you.” Sawyer’s voice was sad.

“I can’t say enough how much I regret leaving like I did, but I had no choice.” I pulled back, looking at my feet. This was the hard part of our relationship. I knew they still had hurt feelings about me leaving, and I couldn’t fix that. I just hoped one day it wouldn’t be hanging over our heads. “I’m sorry.”

“Would you stop? We are so over that now.” Kinsley’s voice pulled my eyes to hers, locking them. The hurt from my disappearance was still very evident as it poured out of them. All I could do now was prove that I was here to stay.

“So Vann, how’s Gabriella Daniels?” Sawyer’s mischievous smirk playing on her lips made me smile. Sawyer and Kinsley were two of the very few people who knew anything about my pen name, and I needed to keep it that way.

“She’s doing great.”

“Oh. Come on. Tell us what adventure she is writing about now,” Sawyer prodded.

Sitting down on the chair, I realized I needed to get a couch for up here for all of us to sit. Kinsley grabbed the chair at my desk, while Sawyer sat sprawled out on the floor. I so missed these talks we had and I didn’t mind filling them in on my writing, as long as they knew the information wasn’t to leave this room. My mom didn’t even know I wrote as Gabriella, and the fewer people that knew, the better—for safety’s sake.

“Hey, did the security guys come in and put in the alarm?”

“Yeah, they were here last week. Said everything is wired up and ready to go,” Kinsley said.

“Thank God. After I lay down for a bit, can you teach me how to use it?”

“Sure. Is he still sending letters?” Sawyer asked. I really hadn’t told them the whole story, but enough that they knew what was going on. I didn’t want to bring crazy to our doorstep.

“Yes, to my P.O. Box back in Cali. I need to change it to here, but I may do it in Brookend so no one really knows I live in Cottonwood. They only know me as Gabriella. I’ve never used Savannah. I just want the letters and gifts to stop.”

I hated this part of what I did. I loved writing. Beginning back in college, I needed an escape. When I found my niche in erotic romance, I never stopped. Now, three years later, I was still going strong, but also receiving letters—very explicit letters from someone who thought I did everything in my books. That was what internet research was for.

“Why don’t you go to the cops?”

“Kinsley, I have.” Letting out a huge sigh, I continued, “They can’t do anything because he’s not actually threatening to hurt me. Technically, anything he is writing is what he is hoping to do with me. It’s not written in a way that says he would force me. The cops have nothing to base an arrest on. They keep the letters, and I have to make reports, but that’s all that happens.”

“Sorry Vann.”

“Girls, really, it’s okay. I deal with it. I love what I do and this is just such a small part of it.” I smiled. I’d come to terms with most of it. When I got the letters, I did what I had to do and moved on. And thankfully, it was only the letters—no phone calls or sudden appearances. Regardless, I was thankful for the pen name. It was a way to write and keep my anonymity, at least to a certain extent.

“Anyway … let’s move to the next subject.” Kinsley broke in. “What are you going to do about Deke?” She made rapidly changing subjects an art form. From creepy stalker … to Deke.

I felt the blush come across my face at the sound of his name. I missed him terribly, and was honestly a little hurt by his lack of response to my attempts at communicating, but I still thought of him almost daily over the years. “I’m not going to do anything … yet.” Turning my flushed face into a smirk, I winked at the two sitting in front of me.

It was no secret that I’d had my eyes on him from almost the time I was born, but with the way I left, and the timing of it, I squashed all my hopes of being with him. Until now.

“You know he’s not the same guy you left all those years ago.” Sawyer’s voice was barely audible. She had been giving me random information about him for years, including his little sexcapades, which have made excellent storylines. I figured if I couldn’t be with him, at least I could write about him, pouring everything into my scenes. It provided ammo for some awesome books.

I knew he’d owned a bar as a side gig, but I’d heard of his dismissal from the police force for ‘conduct unbecoming of an officer,’ which I believed was what concerned the girls. If I could have ran to him, I would have, even though I feared he wouldn’t have accepted me after what happened and all this time.

“I know. Don’t worry. I’m a big girl now. I’m not the timid little girl I was back then. These last five years have opened my eyes to a whole new world. I also have a pretty strong backbone. Reading how others think your books are shit will have that effect on you.”

“So what’s the plan?” Kinsley was always so straight to the point, which I’d always loved about her.

“There is no plan. There are only three people who know I’m back as of right now—you two and Grams, who I have to go visit shortly. Tonight you’re taking me out to celebrate, and we shall see what happens from there.”

“You just wanna strut your shit at Sully’s, don’t ya?”

“Kinsley, I’m not the same. Look at me. Do I look anything like that girl from five years ago?”

“No, and you’re going to cause one hell of a stir.” Sawyer was never one for any drama, and I knew it was going to be hard on her not to fade into the background, but it was time for her to live a little, too. Sawyer’s shyness had held her back for too long. We both needed a fresh start, and tonight was the night.

“Everything will be fine. We’ll take a cab, go out, have a few drinks and dance our asses off. If someone is there to see, then so be it.”

“You know he’ll be there, seeing as he owns the damn place.” Kinsley snickered.

I said nothing and smiled. Of course I knew.

2
Vann

Pulling up to Grams’s house, it looked exactly the same as when I left. At seventy-seven years old, Grams still did all her own gardening, making her home immaculate. Her pride in it reminded me of Papa. He was the gardener before he passed, and Grams didn’t want to let him down, so she kept it exactly how he liked it.

The rose bushes were my absolute favorite. Along the entire side of the small bungalow home were several bushes of yellow, pink, red, and white roses. Those were Papa’s favorite, which he planted many years ago. Grams took extra care of them, and you could tell.

Walking up to the door, I knocked twice and slowly opened the door. “Grams, it’s me,” I yelled. Her hearing had gotten worse over the years, and if she didn’t have her aids in, she couldn’t hear for shit.

The smells of the house engulfed me, making me want to cough a bit. I loved my Grams to death, but she wore this special perfume, and it smelled good when she wore the appropriate amount, but Grams tended to nearly bathe in it. I hadn’t the heart to tell her it’s too much.

Everything looked exactly the same, from the green shag carpeting in the living room to the ancient lights hanging from the ceiling. This was home.

“Savannah, my girl, you’re here!” Grams came around the corner wiping her hands on a kitchen towel before flinging it over her shoulder. Her soft, short, and gray curly hair bobbed as she headed my way. Her burst of energy surprised me as she practically ran to wrap her arms around me.

I immediately followed suit breathing in her perfume and trying to hold back the cough. “Hi Grams. Miss me?”

“Oh, honey.” I pulled out of Grams’s arms to see the tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh, Grams don’t cry.” I pulled her close again, letting her get out what she needed.

“It’s about time your skinny little ass showed up. I made food, and by the looks of you, you need it. Don’t they feed you in California?” Grabbing my hand, she pulled me to the kitchen.

My mind instantly wandered.

“Grams?”

“What baby girl?” Grams always looked so pretty in her yellow apron covered in white daises.

“Can I help with dishes?” I really want to help. “I know I’m little, but Mommy says I’m a good helper.”

“Of course. Go pull the chair to the sink and roll up your sleeves.”

I jumped happily. I loved helping Grams do everything. Running over, I did exactly as she said. “Ready!”

“Well, get busy washing, I don’t pay you to sit around all day.” She smiled at me. I knew she was joking with me. That was what Grams did—she made me smile.

“Hey Grams, you need help with the dishes?” I asked, trying to contain my laugh.

Grams knew exactly what I was remembering. She was one sharp tool. “After we eat. Sit.”

Sitting down at the old wooden table, I thought of all the meals we had here on Sundays before we left. There toward the end, my mom stopped coming, but I was always here.

“Tell me how your writing thing is going,” Grams said while putting way too much food on my plate.

“Grams, I can’t eat two sandwiches. Let’s just do one.” I smirked. “Writing is going great. I never thought my books would take off the way they have.”

“I’m glad you send them to me. I love reading them. The ladies in my bunko group have been passing them around. You are the talk … well, Gabriella Daniels is.” I blushed. I knew it was hard for Grams not to tell her friends the books were written by me. She was proud and wanted to let everyone know, but I couldn’t risk it. I didn’t want the world to know.

“I know it’s hard, Grams, but thanks for keeping our secret. I can’t believe your friends are reading them.” I laughed. It was awesome and weird to think of all these older women reading about sex, toys, and threesomes.

“Girl, you should hear some of those women talk. Those books have opened their eyes to lots of new things.” Grams winked.

“I don’t want to hear about your friends’ sexual encounters, but thanks.” I rolled my eyes, huffing out a breath.

“Oh come on, it could be your new book, writing for the older crowd.”

“Maybe.” I looked down at my food.

“I’m just kidding. We like reading about those hunky guys with their built bodies. Mmmm.”

“Grams, did you just lick your lips?” I asked in shock.

“Hell yeah. It’s been a long time since Papa left here, not to say that I’d ever cheat on him. Your books allow my mind to innocently roam.”

Grams very strongly believed in marriage and would consider even looking at another man cheating, even though Papa had been gone for years. I admired that about her, and I felt sad for her at the same time. I didn’t want her to be alone. Life was so short and I wanted her to be happy. She deserved it.

“Glad to help,” I mumbled.

“So, tell me how your mom’s doing.” Grams sighed. I knew she didn’t like hearing about the messes my mom had gotten herself into. Mom thought moving to California would help her get over the torture my father put her through, but it didn’t turn out as she planned.

“She’s still drinking a lot, and smoking, too. She tells me that she has been taking her meds, but I don’t know for sure.”

“I thought your aunt Tennie was taking care of her,” Grams huffed.

“I did, too.”

“What else? You’re hiding something from me.” I knew I couldn’t school my face to fool her, but I tried.

Blowing out a deep breath, I let it rip. “I guess Aunt Tennie goes out partying with her. They are living it up together … or so Mom says.”

“Great, now I have two drunks for daughters who don’t bother to call me.”

“I’m sorry, Grams.” I knew it hurt that her only two daughters never contacted her, but that was what happened when you told one that she was a drunk and needed to lay off the booze and the other that she needed to stand up to her cheating ass husband. Even though what Grams said was true, they didn’t take to kindly to it.

“Don’t be sorry, you and Keith are the only normal ones in this family. I don’t know what I am going to do with those girls.” Grams shook her head in disgust.

“How’s Uncle Keith doing?”

A huge smile formed on Grams lips. “He’s great. The whole family is. You need to meet up with your cousins; they won’t even recognize you. I doubt Keith or Mary will either.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long, Grams. You know I didn’t want to go, but I’m glad I did. I needed to get away from the gossip in this town and just grow up.”

“I know, dear. It was just hard when your mother uprooted you like that. I wasn’t ready.”

I grabbed her hand and squeezed gently, trying to reassure her.

“I’m gonna set up a dinner. You’re coming, and I’ll invite all of Keith’s crew so you can get reacquainted with them.”

“Sounds great, Grams.”

“I can’t wait!” The excitement in her voice filled me with such happiness. I missed her so much.

“Let’s get these dishes done.” Even though I didn’t need the chair anymore, I thought about bringing it with me, but when Grams turned and smiled at me I knew she was thinking of the same memories. I loved this.

After finishing the last dish, I knew it was time to face another memory. “I’m gonna head out. The girls are taking me out tonight, so I need to get myself ready.”

“I wish I could be there to see all those faces when you walk in. You have grown into such a beautiful woman. You have fun, baby girl.”

“I will. I love you.” I wrapped my arms around her tiny body, crushing her to me without hurting her.

“I love you, too. I’ll call you about dinner.”

“Great. I’ll be here. I missed you, Grams.”

“Me, too.”

Driving back from Grams’s, I couldn’t help but avoid the direct route. It had been five long years. I still held a bit of anger toward my mom for making me leave the way she did all those years ago.

“Savannah Marie Kelly, get your shit together. Now.” My mom’s slur of words—no doubt having to do with the bottle of vodka she’d just drowned herself in—flowed ferociously out of her mouth. I knew she drank, but tonight had been exceptionally more than I’d seen in the past. I prayed this was one of her drunken stupors, and it would all be over in the morning.

“Mom, go lie down, turn on your shows, and I’ll bring you some coffee.”

“No. We are leaving this hellhole tonight. Whatever you don’t pack now, you will never have again, so I suggest you get your shit together.”

“I know you’re hurting. Let’s get one of the pills the doctor gave you and just take a rest. When you wake up, we’ll talk about this.” I was trying my damnedest to stay calm and not totally freak. I knew that would send her over the edge.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t been here numerous times. Ever since my dad took off with his whore, my mom had been a total mess. I finally talked her into seeing a doctor, but she preferred to cope with her alcohol more. She said the doctor didn’t do anything but sit and listen to her babble, but didn’t give her any advice or solutions on solving the gaping hole in her heart. The doc wanted her to figure it out.

I wanted to go in there and yell at the dumbass. If my mom could figure this shit out on her own, I wouldn’t have been pushing her to go and talk to the doc in the first place. So, I can’t really blame my mom for not wanting to keep going back, but thankfully, so far, she continued to go.

“I’m not going to bed or taking one of those damn pills. You just want to drug me and knock me out!” Mom’s screeching voice mixed with her slurring was giving me a headache.

“I just want you to calm down …” And stop destroying my entire life from your rampages.

Mom turned and marched into her bedroom. Between her yelling, I could hear things getting thrown around. This again was nothing new. Her temper was another one of those great things that happened after my dad left. Mom couldn’t seem to rein it in. She just exploded without thinking twice.

BAM … BAM …

Jumping off my bed, I flew to the door and opened it. “Mom, calm down.”

Mom peered into my room. “You’re not packing. Why aren’t you packing? Do you want to leave everything behind?”

“Mom, please. We can’t leave. It’s my senior year. I want to be with my friends, and I can’t leave Deke. I know what Dad did was horrible, but we can’t let him do this to us.”

Mom’s face grew furious. “You. You. You. It’s always about you. What about me? Huh? I have to live in this damn town with your dad parading his floozy on his arm. I have stay here listening to all the rumors about him getting remarried and the ‘poor Annabelle’ lines. Well, I’m sick of it, and I’m not doing it another day. We are getting the hell out of here first thing in the morning.”

Annabelle Kelly had never been one to be pushed around, even when Dad was here. She always had the upper hand in everything. That was just how it was. Now that Dad was gone, she did everything she could to keep that upper hand.

“Mom, I know this is hard. It’s hard for me to see them together, too. I hate it, but we can’t let him ruin our lives anymore.”

“That’s what we are doing, Savannah. We are getting the hell out of here and taking back our lives.” It doesn’t get past me that her voice is much clearer than it was a couple of hours ago. She must be burning off the alcohol in record speed.

“Mom, where are we going to go?”

“Aunt Tennie’s.” Ugh. I was afraid she was going to say that. Her sister, Tennie, had only met me twice in the seventeen years of my existence, as she was in California and we lived here in Alabama. I knew nothing about the woman except she had money. Like I gave a crap about her money.

“I don’t know her, and I don’t think we would fit in too well in California.” I knew I wouldn’t. My Southern twang would grab everyone’s attention.

“You’ll get to know her. I’m serious, Savannah. We’re leaving in the morning.” Without another word, she turned and left me in the middle of my room where I began pacing.

How in the hell was I going to leave everything here? My friends since kindergarten were here. I couldn’t leave Kinsley and Sawyer. They helped pick up the pieces when Dad left, and now I was just supposed to tell them bye.

Deke—how in the hell could I leave him when he needed me so much right now? I loved him too much.

A plan. I needed a plan. Thinking on my feet, I rushed to my mom’s bedroom door. “Mom?”

“What?” she snapped.

Taking a calming breath, I asked, “How about I stay with Grams, and you go out with Aunt Tennie for a while?”

I did not miss the shock and hurt that crossed her eyes. “Oh. So that’s it. You want to leave me, too. I should have known you were just like your father.”

A lonely tear fell from my eye. Her words hurt; no scratch that, they cut … deep. My father leaving us hurt more than words could ever say. It changed me. It changed my mom. I never wanted to be like my father … ever. The ache in my heart physically hurt. I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear.

I knew I had to do this for Mom. I couldn’t abandon her. She needed me, and as my mom, she outranked everyone. I didn’t want this. I hated this. I would also never forgive Mom for this.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t want to leave you. I was just trying to make it easier on you. I’ll go with you. I’ll get my stuff together.” My words may have come out of my mouth as calm, but the tears splashing my face were a definite sign of my pain and hurt. I couldn’t hold it back.

Mom wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear, “Thank you. You’ll see this will be for the best.”