Текст книги "Surviving Skarr"

Автор книги: Ruby Dixon

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Chapter Twenty-Three

VIVI

Skarr leads me down the beach, holding tightly to my hand as if he fears to let go. As if he’s afraid I’ll run away if he releases me.

While I think it’d be more productive for us to have a good, honest conversation, I let him tug me along. It’s clear whatever he wants to show me has a lot of meaning for him, so I can do this. After days of avoiding each other out of sheer misunderstanding, I’m just relieved we’re clearing the air, bit by bit.

I’ve been indignant and hurt that he hasn’t come after me and I’m the one at fault. He assumed I needed time alone. If he’d have asked anyone…they would have also told him to leave me alone. That I’d need time. It’s me that’s not communicating my needs. For all that he looks and acts very human sometimes, I forget that he doesn’t think like us.

When the crowd is turning against you, you lay low.

His words hurt my heart. I keep realizing that Skarr is just as alone as I am, and he’s handling it so much better than I am. He’s been nothing but enthusiastic about meeting me and being tied to me, and I’ve been a jerk. I’ve been wallowing in my own misery and I’ve made him feel worthless.

It’s not a good feeling.

So I squeeze his hand tightly and he flashes me another excited smile, one that makes me ache. He can’t wait to show me whatever this is, and I vow to myself that even if it’s a boatload of dead fish—because who knows on this planet—I will exclaim and be excited and thrilled.

Because this means a lot to him. He’s been a good friend to me, and I haven’t been the same.

“Have you seen this tide pool?” he asks, pointing at it as he leads me forward. “There was a large scorpion-crab caught in here earlier.”

“Is this what you brought me to see?”

He grins, his expression sly. “No, but I figured if we are pretending to enjoy the sights, it does not look obvious that we do not cut through camp. It will draw no attention.”

My heart aches all over again, because of his thoughtfulness. “I would like that.”

“Then let us admire this creature for a moment before moving on.” He gives my hand a reassuring shake, and we pretend to admire the tide pool and its contents, and all the while I kick myself mentally because Skarr is a braggart and loves attention, yes, but when has he not had my back?

He’s always let me set the pace. He hasn’t pressured me for anything.

We take a leisurely walk along the beach, pointing out the distant glacier. No one from camp approaches us, though I can see a few are watching. It will be all around the fire tomorrow that we were walking together and holding hands, but for now, I can just enjoy the moment. Skarr sizes up the large shapes moving on the glacier. “Someday I think I would like to go and hunt them,” he tells me. “Gren says they are dangerous creatures, but I think it sounds like a challenge.”

“Just don’t enjoy a challenge so much that you end up leaving me here alone,” I reply tartly, a little horrified at the thought of Skarr hunting something because it sounds dangerous.

Then I realize what I’ve said and my face goes crimson even as he grins wider at me.

“We are almost there,” he tells me excitedly, moving faster as we head further down the beach. “Come and see.”

I’m curious what exactly he means to show me, and so I follow along, my steps picking up as we jog past a meandering trail of little huts, with a shell-lined path linking them together. It’s charming enough for the prehistoric vibe this place has, but I’m not familiar yet with who lives where. I’m not sure who we’re visiting and why they are part of the surprise.

Then Skarr stops in front of the last hut and gives me an expectant look. “Well?”

“Who lives here?”

“You do,” he says proudly, and throws his shoulders back as if he’s about to beat his chest out of pure pride. “I made this for you.”

“You…made me a house?” I’m stunned. This is what he was working on all the time he was avoiding me? I knew he was flying off with Ashtar and Jason, I just didn’t realize it was for this. “How…why?”

“So you can have a place to call your own,” Skarr replies. “I know you like the quiet, and I cannot imagine it is very quiet in the tent with the other females.”

It isn’t. It’s crowded and noisy and someone is always snoring, but I’ve tried to make the best of it. Here Skarr was thinking of me again, and I had no idea. “You…you are so sweet.”

He makes a face. “I am a strong, tireless gladiator. I am not sweet.”

“You’re sweet to me.” I give his hand a squeeze. “And I like it.”

“Then I will accept it as a compliment,” he says, but his voice is grudging. “Tell me that you like it? That I built you the best hut on the beach? On the planet?”

“I’m sure you did,” I murmur, amused. I study the hut, my hand over my humming heart that might be racing for reasons not entirely related to the khui. He built me a hut. Of all the things he could have done for me, this might be the most perfect, the most thoughtful. I gaze at the stone walls, admiring the large slabs of rock that make up the base platform. It’s raised off the sand, but not as much as the wooden huts. It looks more solid, though, and with a stone floor I won’t have to worry about a spark catching fire on my surroundings. “This is incredible,” I tell him, and then I realize there’s no entrance. “But where is the door?”

“In the back,” he says, releasing my hand to hop up on the slab of rock. He holds a hand down to me to help me up, even though it’s not a huge step. “There was not a way to make a wooden door, as Jason says you have back home, so I have put a privacy flap like the others have. But I knew it would feel exposed, so I made sure the door was built to the back. Now no one will be able to look in.”

Oh. It’s just another way he’s showing his thoughtfulness. I’m touched, and my eyes get suspiciously wet. “It’s a really good idea,” I admit. “The privacy flaps don’t feel all that private to me just yet.”

“I wanted you to have the best,” he tells me, all excitement. “Come inside and see.”

The interior is just as wonderful as the outside. It’s the size of my bedroom back home, with a large, stone-lined firepit in the center. The slabs of rock that make up the base have been mortared together to make one large floor, and although the interior is empty, it muffles the sound of the nearby village. There’s a hint of light coming in from the smoke hole, and while the build is very similar to the other huts I’ve seen, this one is even better because it’s mine.

Skarr watches me expectantly.

“I don’t know what to say.” I’m overwhelmed with emotion. He’s worked so hard to craft this for me, and I’ve been avoiding him and resenting him.

“Say that you like it.” His face is tight, anxious. “Say that it is the best hut on the planet and it pleases you.”

“It is and it does.” I take a step toward him, putting a hand on his furs-covered chest. “And it makes me want to give you a kiss.”

He grins at me, leaning in…and then pulls back before our lips can meet. “Do you wish to kiss me because you are grateful?”

“Yes.”

Skarr shakes his head, his expression flashing with disappointment. “Then I do not want it. I only want your kisses if you want to kiss me. Not because you feel you should.”

I understand what he’s saying. I pat his chest, clarifying. “I wanted to kiss you because I’m happy and because you’re the one that made me happy. It felt like the right thing to do, not an obligation. I suggested it as a way to show my happiness. I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t want to kiss you.”

He gazes down at me, thoughtful. “But…Vivi, I still have two penises.”

My face heats. We’re going to talk about this now? “Okay, but I was talking about kisses. You’re taking things to eleven.”

“My body does not please you. I can build you huts and kiss you all day long—and I would love to kiss you all day long—but it will not change the fact that I have two cocks. I will never be the mate you want me to be.” Skarr is somber, holding me loosely, as if he’s afraid that I’ll pull away again.

I realize that I’ve hurt him, and I feel even worse. How many times have I felt awkward in my own skin, being too tall and too plain? It’s a feeling I recognize, a memory I have, and I hate that I’m making him doubt himself over something out of his control. It just makes me feel worse.

I gaze at his chest, unable to make eye contact. If I do, I’ll never be able to spit out the words I clearly need to say. So I fuss with the leather strap that crosses over his pectorals and attaches to his belt. It keeps the leather wraps pinned to his body and prevents his belt from sagging on one side when his belt pouches are full. I know it’s a practical sort of garment, but I think it looks a tiny bit rakish and I like it. I fuss with it, straightening it and trying to think. “We should talk.”

“I thought that is what we are doing right now?”

Ugh, he’s not making this easy for me. “I was very drunk that night and I acted in ways that I would not normally act. I certainly would never grab a man’s crotch without asking permission.”

He’s silent.

I pluck at the strap, flustered. “So you can’t hold it against me that I ran away. I was startled to learn about the…differences in our bodies, but that doesn’t make it gross. There’s nothing wrong with you. I was just surprised.”

“But it still does not appeal to you?”

“I have genuinely never given it much thought before now,” I admit, face hot. “Is it um, a normal situation for guys like you?”

“Ssethri males are born with two cocks, yes.”

“And do they both, ah, get hard at the same time?”

“They do for me, but only one carries seed.” His khui is humming louder under my hands, making me very aware of this conversation and the husky way Skarr tells me facts about his body. “The other just experiences pleasure.”

I have so many questions, but I don’t know how intrusive they would be. Do lady ssethri have two vaginas? Are his penises the same size? Does one feel better than the other? Get harder faster? It seems nosy to ask, but I don’t get the impression that Skarr minds. I think he likes me asking about his penis. Penises.

I manage a tiny smile and nudge the leather strap with my fingers again. “See, there you go. It’s normal for your people but not for mine, and that’s why I got startled. I didn’t run because I thought you were repulsive.”

“So you would have continued to kiss me?”

“Not if you didn’t want me to.”

“Would you kiss me now?” he asks, voice low and husky.

It sends heat curling through my system. “Only if you want me to.”

He gazes down at me, eyes bright. His fingers stroke along my jaw, lightly caressing. “I would like that.”

I nod, licking my lips nervously. Then I pull on that strap across his chest, tilting him toward me. I’m nervous, but not afraid. This is Skarr. He might be alien, but he’s made it clear that he worships me. It’s heady stuff.

His mouth descends towards mine, and I rise to meet him. Our lips brush ever so gently, and a bolt of pleasure flares through my body at that small touch. I kiss him, putting all of my sincerity into the touch of our lips. I want him to know how I feel. That I never meant to hurt him. That I’m terrified of what the future brings, but it’s not his fault. That kissing him has been one of the few pleasures this new world has brought me.

That I miss him when he’s gone, and it makes me feel strange to admit that.

Our mouths play against one another and he’s content to let me lead. My kisses are soft and gentle, giving promises and teases and only the barest graze of tongue. He groans against me and then I pull back, studying his expression.

“I know I’ve been wrapped up in my own head,” I confess to him, my mouth throbbing and soft. His is flushed a deeper green, and I want to kiss it again, but I also want him to reach for me. “But I promise I’m going to do better.”

He rubs his nose against mine, drinking in my scent. “My lovely, perfect Vivi…I do not know what that means. Do better than what?”

Oh. Heh. I smile wryly. “It’s a human saying. I’m going to try harder to figure this out between us.”

“What is there to figure out? I am your mate, you are mine.” His mouth brushes over mine in an almost-kiss, a teasing flirt of lips, and it sends a flutter straight to my thighs. “Resonance has decided, yes? We are together because we are the best ones for each other.”

“Yes but—”

Skarr pulls back, eyeing me. “What ‘but’?”

“I’m anxious,” I admit. I’m still clutching at his clothing, and I have to force myself to uncurl my fingers and let him go. “I’m scared of what the future means because I still feel as if I don’t have a past. Can we go slow? You and I?”

He strokes my cheek with his fingers, and I have to admit, I like the soft, careful touches. Like he can’t get enough of me and has to steal just a bit more. “What does it mean to go slow, Vivi? Tell me honestly because I do not wish for there to be more misunderstandings between us.”

“I want us to spend time together. I want us to get to know each other. Not just as mates but as friends, too. I want to take a bit of time before we…before we get pregnant.” It feels silly to state it that baldly, but I need him to understand exactly what I’m saying.

He tenses, a hint of a frown on his face. “So no kisses?”

“No, we can kiss. We can do other stuff too, but if I say I want to go slow, I mean…” I fumble around for the words, thinking. “Like if we’re touching and kissing and I tell you to stop, I want you to stop.”

He pulls back, his expression offended. “You think I would not stop? That I would ignore what you want?”

Oh, I’m really messing this up. “No, I don’t mean that, Skarr. I think you would. I know you would. I am just setting the expectation that I might say no at inconvenient times and I don’t want to feel pressured.”

Skarr gazes down at me with a look of vague displeasure.

“What is it? Tell me so we can talk about it.” His expression is making me anxious, like I’ve gone and borked things already.

“I am tempted to go find a human male and shake him. Are they all so terrible you must give me warning after warning?”

“Not at all,” I protest, scrambling. “But it used to be different amongst our people, and…actually you know what? I’m not going to defend men. I’m just being extra cautious. I would like for us to start with kisses and spending time together before we get to…you know.”

“Before we get to two cocks,” he agrees, grinning at me.

“Exactly.”

“Very well, I shall not go and push Jason into the sand.”

I smother a horrified giggle. “Please don’t.”

He grins at me, pleased at my laughter. “I should like to spend time with you this day, Vivi. Shall we pick out blankets for your new home? And I can bring food and we can eat in here.”

“Honestly? That sounds absolutely lovely.”

“But I would like to kiss you again before all of that.”

We’re being so polite, he and I. With another giggle, I nod. “I would like that, too—”

I can’t get out the words before he pulls me against him, his mouth on mine. This kiss isn’t timid like mine, either. It’s hungry and devouring, showing me all the pent-up hunger inside him and fanning the flames of mine. Skarr’s tongue teases against mine, stroking and caressing and leaving me weak in the knees. I’m aching and my demanding khui is humming when he pulls away and gives me one final, possessive kiss.

So much for being polite.

Chapter Twenty-Four

SKARR

I want to strut around the camp with elation as I go to get food for my Vivi.

She loves the hut. She wants to spend time with me. She wants to kiss me and get to know me before I extrude both my cocks at her again. She likes being with me. I grin as I wait by the fire for the food to be ready, listening idly to the conversations without paying attention. My thoughts are full of Vivi and how her mouth turned so pink when I kissed her. How sweet her lips felt against mine, how she pressed her body to me, hungry for more.

Initially I worried that the khui would mind-control me into wanting to pleasure her, but now I fear I am the one mind-controlling her. What if she does not truly want me? What if she is not telling the truth? It will destroy me. I must talk to her about it when I return. Confess that I’rec told me all about the khui taking over our minds and making us want to pleasure each other. She has been honest with me, so I must be honest with her, even if it will ruin our fragile truce. I hate the thought.

To think she was worried I would treat her like the human males treat females. I would never. Just thinking about it makes me angry. True, when I first arrived I thought of her as a prize to be won, but now I see her so much more clearly. She truly is my partner, and I cannot fathom not listening to her wise suggestions.

The female making dinner—Colleen—hands me two bowls and I give her a nod of thanks. Jason approaches the fire, talking to Sabrina.

I stick my foot out and trip him as I walk past.

He tumbles to the ground with a yelp. “Hey, what the fuck, man?”

“My mistake. I thought you were someone else,” I say, continuing on. That one was for Vivi and the other human females.

As I approach the new hut—Vivi’s hut—with the steaming bowls, I hear the sound of soft humming from inside. It’s Vivi, making happy noises as she moves around in her home. My heart aches with wanting her. Wanting us.

I do not want her gratitude, or her obligation. I want her to want me because I am fierce and strong and the best male for her.

Waiting outside the door of the hut, I clear my throat. “May I come in?”

She appears in the doorway, holding the flap aside. There’s a radiant smile on her face, and my khui sings even louder, even as my heart aches at the sight of her. “You don’t have to knock, Skarr. You made this place.”

“I made it for you, and I want you to feel as if you have a retreat. I do not mind knocking.”

Vivi waves a hand, dismissing my words. She takes one bowl from me and gestures at the interior of the hut. “I grabbed enough furs from storage for two beds. I hope that’s all right.”

Two…beds? “Why are there two?”

“I thought maybe you could sleep here, too.” Her voice is soft, her eyes full of anxiety. “I know it probably isn’t what you wanted, having two beds, but I don’t know that I’m ready for sharing one just yet.”

“You would share your hut with me?”

“Of course.” She holds her bowl up. “You’re sharing with me. And I did say I wanted us to get to know each other.”

This is more than I dreamed of. So much so that I fear it truly is mind-control. I must tell her about this. “Vivi, I am worried that this is not something you want.”

Her brows go up.

“I think I am somehow controlling your mind.”

She blinks up at me, absorbing my confession. “Is…is this a ssethri thing?”

“No. But I’rec warned me that after resonance, mates want to do anything to please the other. And everything that is happening is so perfect that I worry I am influencing you away from what you truly want.” I gaze down at her, trying to will her to push back a bit more. To hate me a little, because then I will know she is herself.

But Vivi just bites her lip, smiling up at me. “That’s not mind control. That’s just someone coming to care for you. I can assure you that I’m not being mind-controlled by the khui.”

“But how do you know?”

“Because I’m still not ready to have sex with you? If it was truly mind control, we’d have already been all over each other. Instead, we’re waiting.”

Perhaps I am the one being mind-controlled, then, because I desperately want to mate with Vivi, to feel the warm clasp of her body around mine. To touch her and drink in her scent. I do not share this aloud, though, because if I am being mind-controlled…I am fine with it. “If you are sure…”

“I’m sure.” She gestures at the two pallets of furs now opposite from each other by the fire pit. “Pick a spot and let’s eat.”

It’s dark inside the hut, the only light from the smoke hole above and the glow of our eyes. I can see fine in the dim light, but I remember that humans don’t have keen senses. “Should I make a fire?”

“I can do it. I thought we’d wait until after we ate, because of the whole fuel thing.”

Ah, very wise. “Let us eat, then.”

We share our meal in silence, eating from the borrowed bowls. When we’re done, I take them down to the water’s edge to clean them while Vivi starts a fire, and fill one of the bowls with sea water so she can rinse her hands. The weather is picking up, a bitter chill in the air, and I suspect tomorrow morning will be cold enough to make my fingers and toes ache. Perhaps it would be wiser for me to sleep in the big cave with the other males, tucked between baskets of storage and with the warmth of several bodies keeping the place warm, but I want to stay with Vivi.

When I return with the water, she beams at me from over the flickering fire. “Perfect, thank you.”

“Is the fire pit a good one?”

Her smile grows broader. “It is.”

I am prouder of this than of winning a fierce battle.