Текст книги "Rip"

Автор книги: Rachel Van Dyken

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

You needn’t be afraid of a barking dog, but you should be afraid of a silent dog—Russian Proverb

NOW I’D GONE AND TERRIFIED HER. The flush that I had previously been enjoying spread across her skin now turned pale. She was probably entertaining thoughts that I was just like her father, ruthless, heartless, you name it.

Though I’d given up hope long ago that I possessed a heart—I was human, meaning I still wanted to believe I had one, or wanted her to believe I was capable of having one.

Every year on my Valentine’s Day Andi would send me a heart card. She thought it was funny—I’d kept every single one.

“Sir.” Carly approached our table, hands clasped in front of her. “Your entrees will be out momentarily, would you like to dine on the patio with the heaters and open fire pit?”

“Yes,” Maya blurted before I had a chance to speak.

I forced myself to keep the laugh in when her face returned to a crimson flush while she pretended to play with her napkin.

The day had been difficult, but she was making me laugh, just like Andi had. I needed it more than oxygen.

“What the lady wants, the lady gets.” I stood and held out my hand to Maya. “Shall we?”

“Oh, if we must.” Her eyes danced with humor as she clenched my hand.

Memories assaulted me in that moment. Memories of a time not so long ago when I’d been callous in my dealings with her and her father—when I’d destroyed something so beautiful—because of money, because he’d had something hanging over my head—but the worst part was there was a time when I’d enjoyed it, because I was so damn good at what I did—and I had taken too much pride in it.

“Break her,” he’d said.

“Watch me,” I’d all but answered back.

“Hey.” Maya nudged me. “We going to walk through the nice glass door or are we going back to the theory that you’re not of this world… Wow! I didn’t guess ghost, should I have?”

“Hilarious,” I murmured then opened the door and placed my hand on her back ushering her into the outside patio area.

A roaring fire pit flickered to the left while a miniature version of the same glowed in the center of the table we’d be eating at. Heaters surrounded us and lush fur blankets lay across each lounge chair just in case Maya got cold. In all honesty, I’d meant to cut the evening short. I’d only wanted to extend to her some kindness so she’d trust me, stop asking questions, and put me out of my misery. The more time I spent with her.

The more I wanted her.

And that was more dangerous than her working for me.

It was more dangerous than her knowing my secrets.

It was more dangerous than her knowing her past.

“Alright…” She did a quick turn then poked me in the chest. “I have another guess.”

My eyebrows arched, “This should be good.”

She took a step toward me, then another. I wanted so desperately to back away that for a brief moment I contemplated running.

From a harmless woman.

God help me.

“You.” She took another step toward me. “Are.”

One more step and she’d nearly be chest to chest.

“A.”

Her next step wasn’t as stable, causing her to tumble into my arms. I braced her shoulders. “A what?”

Maya’s eyes locked in on mine. “I—I forgot what I was going to say.” Her breathing picked up speed as her eyes darted toward my lips and lingered there.

In my mind I pushed her away.

In reality… I pulled her closer.

“Pity,” I whispered, my lips brushing hers, begging her to kiss me back and push me away all at once.

“It is.” She slid her tongue across her lips where mine had just touched, then leaned closer to me.

I had a choice.

We both did.

A stronger man would pull away.

A stronger man would remember the damn contract and all the reasons why it was imperative that it not be voided out.

In that moment I realized two things… I’d always wanted her, even back then.

And I wasn’t as strong as I’d always believed.

I gave in to my weakness.

And kissed her.

Maya’s arms wrapped around my neck as I slanted my mouth against hers, trying another angle, not because I had to, but because it wasn’t enough. Every angle, every collision of our mouths, the fusion of our heat—wasn’t enough.

Alarm bells rang in my head like gunshots floating through the night sky.

She was off limits.

She was dangerous.

Because she could finally be the death of not only me, but my family’s legacy, my life’s work, and worse yet, all of my secrets.

“Nikolai.” Her tongue swept against mine.

I suppressed a groan and pulled back, setting her on her feet. Maya’s eyes were heavy with lust.

My fingers itched to reach for her again.

Instead, I clasped my hands behind my back and took two steps backward. “We should eat… we have an early morning.”

Rejection washed across her features before she gave me a simple nod and took her seat.

The rest of the evening went to hell.

Every time she tried a bite of something new I asked her if she liked it. Her response was a meager shrug.

Russians.

When I offered more wine…

Another shrug.

When I damn near ripped the table cloth in half and threw the glassware onto the ground in frustration, she simply yawned and said it was getting late.

Repeating my same words.

The evening ended with her closing the door to her apartment in my face, and me staring at it for a good five minutes before I went down to my own apartment and stared at the ceiling.

Which would be her floor.

I heard her walking.

And if I listened hard enough…

I could also hear her crying.

It was easy to decipher amidst the noise of her TV—because many years ago it had been ingrained in my consciousness, never to leave.

I’d caused her tears before and years ago I swore I’d never cause those tears again. And yet, here I was…

We were two days into the contract. And I’d already jumped off the cliff into oblivion. Panic choked me, because I knew if for some reason that kiss triggered anything, we’d both be dead.

God help me if I continue in that way—because it wouldn’t just be guilt eating away at me—but absolute horror—that her life would be given up just like that.

Her father could never know I’d touched her.

I took one last look at the ceiling and slammed all my emotions back into a box, locked it, and threw away the key.

Off limits.

Not mine.

If I truly cared for her—I’d let her believe I was a heartless bastard with no soul. I had no choice.

A man is judged by his deeds, not his words. –Russian Proverb

THE DINNER WAS A DISASTER… actually no that’s not right. The dinner was amazing, the food incredible, the company, however, was a disaster and I only had my hormones to blame.

Stupid, stupid, stupid hormones.

My brain says watch out he could be the next Ted Bundy.

And that very same warning bell stops chiming the minute the man licks his lips and leans in.

I met him halfway.

So technically, half the fault was mine. But only half.

My last few nights had been filled with dreams, horrible dreams about ice cream, only when the man offered it to me, offered me a taste, it turned to blood, right before it touched my lips.

“Maya!” Nikolai snapped. “Do I pay you to day dream?”

Crap. How long had he been standing there? I hadn’t slept much all week. It had officially been two days since our failed dinner.

Since his mouth touched mine.

Branded mine is more like it.

And try as I might—I couldn’t escape the taste of Nikolai. Nor, and I’m ashamed to admit this—did I actually want to.

“Work,” he said slowly, his head nodding toward the laptop on my desk. “I need you to continue researching the newest STD strains and have a report on my desk by five this evening. Make note of anything considered resistant to treatment.”

“Right.” I tugged at my blouse, while he checked his watch and cursed.

That wasn’t typical behavior for Nikolai. He was always poised, always polite, especially at work. So something had to be wrong, but I wasn’t sure if by asking a question I was actually going to get into trouble or if he would break down and tell me what I could do to help.

A few days ago it felt like we’d made progress, and now it was back to square one.

He checked his watch again then started tapping his foot against the marble floor.

I tried to concentrate on my computer screen, but the tapping continued.

Gritting my teeth I shot him a glare. “Something wrong?”

“Everything’s wrong.”

“Care to bitch about it?” I said in a sweet voice.

He scowled then checked his watch again. “She’s late.”

“Who?”

“Jac.”

I frowned. “Did you two have a meeting?”

“Chicago.” He sighed. “My private plane leaves in an hour.”

“But it’s your plane.” I explained.

“I believe I’m aware it’s mine.” He rolled his eyes.

“Tell the pilot to wait.” I shrugged. “Not rocket science.”

The tapping stopped. He turned and slowly approached my desk. Placing his hands on the top of it, he leaned in until his face was inches from mine. “Tell the pilot to wait she says.”

“Y-yes.”

“And say what exactly to the people I’m supposed to be meeting with?”

“Er—”

“Or how about the dinner with investors? Should I tell them to wait as well?”

“No?”

“Are you asking or telling?”

“Um...”

“Forget it,” he hissed and pulled out his cell. “Jac, it’s me, I know you’re probably busy doing cleanup, but you’re late and I need to go. Call me when you get a chance.” He threw the phone against the closest chair and cursed again. “She was going to—” After a short pause he choked out, “—assist me for the weekend, just in case I needed—” He swallowed. “—assistance.”

“Got that part.” I nodded then raised my pencil into the air in question.

He closed his eyes and groaned. “We aren’t in class. You don’t need to raise your hand when you want to speak. If you have something to say, say it!”

“I’ll go.”

He paled. “The hell you will.”

“You’ve got quite the temper.”

At that his face softened. “Sorry. It’s just that it’s… Chicago.”

“Wow, two apologies in what? A week? Is it Christmas?”

“Are you trying to irritate me to death?”

I rose from my chair and grabbed my purse.

“Work ends at five.”

“I’m aware.”

He pointed at the large mounted clock. “It’s three.”

“I have to pack.”

“For vacation?”

I rolled my eyes and placed my hand on his arm. “You need an assistant. I’ll assist you. After all you do pay me a crap load of money. The least I can do is help you pick out your ties and look pretty on your arm while you ask billionaires to continue to invest in Nikolai Enterprises.”

“You’re not funny.”

“Wasn’t trying to be.”

He hesitated and looked at his watch again while I started humming the jeopardy theme song.

“When did you stop being afraid of me? I think I liked you better when you had your theories of vampirism and ghosts.”

I shoved past him.

“Mature.” He reared back. “What the hell, Maya?”

“Today you showed me a chink in your armor.”

“Yeah?” He rubbed his arm. “What?”

“You actually do need someone.” Our eyes met briefly before he glanced away, his lips formed a thin line.

“A mistake…”

“One you can’t afford to make in front of people who didn’t sign over their lives via a contract.” I walked toward the doors and called over my shoulder. “Give me ten minutes. I’ll pack fast. You can debrief me on the plane.”

“I didn’t say yes.”

“Didn’t have to! All I need is a thank you and a cell phone to show your appreciation!” I made my way into the elevator and gave him a little wave.

The angry lines of his scowl made him look so sexy I almost let out a little whimper.

What the hell was I doing?

He could be crazy.

He could be a psychopath.

He freaking owned me.

And I was yet again putting myself in the position where I could get very hurt. Then again, what was my other option? Watching Netflix with a bottle of wine?

Crap. I should have kept my mouth closed.

Draw not your bow till your arrow is fixed.—Russian Proverb

I WAS WORRIED ABOUT JAC. She always texted. She always called. I hadn’t heard from her since our fight yesterday when she’d discovered that I’d been out to dinner with Maya.

“A bit of business with pleasure?” Jac’s lips turned into a mocking grin. “Do you think that’s wise?”

“It was just dinner.”

“Nothing is just dinner with you.”

“I’ll keep my hands off her if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

Jac snorted. “I’ve read that contract. If you don’t then you’re screwed and you know it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Did you take care of the situation?”

“Depends. Are you going to keep treating her like the little pet she is or are you going to actually tell your sweet girl what it is you do? What it is we do?”

“We never tell our secrets.” I took a large sip of wine.

“I know that… just trying to see if you still know it, too.”

“Is that all Jac?”

“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer.” She gave one curt nod. “Don’t lose your head, Nik. I’d hate to see you get hurt over a meaningless crush.”

I burst out laughing. “Crushes are for children.”

“My point exactly.” She shrugged. “So be a man.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose and looked out the window while Maya continued to comment on every single piece of equipment she saw.

“Leather chairs!” She whispered in reverence. “Champagne.” Her eyebrows arched. “Is that caviar?”

“The running commentary I could really do without, Maya,” I grumbled. This is where weak moments got me. Stuck on a plane with a woman I’m not allowed to touch, on the way to a funeral I didn’t want to go to. At all.

I rarely lost my focus.

And I rarely lost my temper in front of others.

What the hell had possessed me to do it in front of Maya?

“So.” She plopped into the seat next to me and crossed her long legs. I fought hard to pull my eyes away. “Catch me up, what exactly are we doing in Chicago.”

I opened a folder and slid it across the table. “We are doing nothing. I, however, am making a speech at… a church.”

I didn’t miss her snort, or the way she tried to hide her amusement.

“Something funny?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “In church.”

“Where did this attitude come from?”

“You kissed me.” Her eyes narrowed as she leaned back into her seat, not missing a beat as she let her gaze wander across my body like a caress. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good, to be desired, wanted, and it was a welcome distraction from the pit in my stomach. I really, really didn’t want to go to Chicago.

“You kissed me back,” I retorted.

“Doesn’t matter, you still kissed me. The line between beast and his little toy has been crossed, therefore I kind of own you like you own me, just in a more... irritating way. I have your balls in a vise.”

“Let’s leave my balls out of the speech if you don’t mind,” I said ignoring her little ploy to get under my skin again.

“Hey.” Her grin spread smugly across her pretty face. “It may just inspire the crap out of them, you never know.”

This was a conversation that Andi would have loved, in fact, the more Maya talked the more I saw Andi in her, which just made it that much worse. Here Maya thought I was going to Chicago to slap hands with rich doctors and make speeches, when really, I was going because I made a promise, to a dying girl.

Just one more girl, I’d failed to save.

“Let’s leave all references to body parts out of my speech, hmm?”

“I’ll try.”

“I am the boss.”

“So you are.”

“I’ve created a monster. Had I known feeding you would gain this response I would have tied you up in the basement with a protein bar and some Gatorade.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s Netflix. Orange is the New Black combined with the nightmares…” She yawned and it was then that I noticed how tired she looked.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat wanting to press things further, what kind of nightmares had she been having?

“I haven’t been sleeping much. Then again I blame you for keeping me from technology for so long.”

“Which brings us back full circle. I should have never given you such privileges.” My voice came out in a bark.

“It’s a right, not a privilege,” she snapped.

“So this…” What the hell was it? A eulogy? Not really, that was Sergio, but he’d asked me to say a few words. Shit. I struggled with how to ask, I didn’t know the first thing about being at a funeral, I put people in the casket, I didn’t visit them after they took their last breath. My eyes stung with exhaustion. “I need you to help me write it.”

“Wait...” She visibly paled. “What did you say?”

“Write.” I nodded encouragingly, my anger surging, breaking through all of my carefully constructed walls. Anger had no place in my business, in my life, and anger toward her, did nothing but put her in danger. “You know, words on a paper, you put them down, I say them.”

“Don’t be an ass.”

“Maya…” I tsked. “I am what I am.”

“Put that in your speech.”

“Maya.” I grit my teeth together to keep myself from snapping at her. “I need a speech, something… encouraging, inspirational, happy.”

Maya pulled out her laptop and opened it up. “Inspirational… I can do inspirational. When was the last time I was inspired…?” Her cheeks bloomed red.

“What was that?” I breathed, my eyes lowering to the expanse of cleavage, it was a welcome distraction from my morose and jumbled thoughts. “Didn’t catch what you just said.”

“I, uh, didn’t say anything.” She nervously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, her cheeks pinkening even further.

“Your mouth didn’t… your face did.”

“Let’s not talk about my mouth…”

“Why?” I leaned in. “Does it inspire you too much?”

“Ass!” she hissed.

“I think you’re on to something…” I chuckled, bracing my hands on the armrests. Six inches, and our mouths would touch. I wasn’t just toying with breaking the contract, I was ripping it up, burning it. Just as our mouths were about to touch, I paused, lingering where our breaths mingled, hers warm on my lips, mine ragged and needy. I was right about one thing; she would be a welcome distraction, one that wouldn’t allow me to feel sad, or bothered by the fact that I was flying to a friend’s funeral.

And that history, if I wasn’t careful could repeat itself.

She moved, dislodging her water bottle. It landed with a soft thump on the floor.

I reared back and stared at it.

What the hell was I doing?

And as luck would have it, the water droplets had cascaded against my left hand, my tattoo—the mark of the sickle, the mark that would tell anyone who knew anything about the darker side of life.

What I did.

Who I worked for.

What I was capable of.

What I would do—to protect not just my own identity but those closest to me.

My phone rang.

I reached down to silence it—ready to silence it, when I noted the number. Cringing, I answered it with a smooth hello.

“You know I have eyes everywhere.”

“Good afternoon to you, too.”

Maya pretended not to eavesdrop.

The last thing she needed to know was that I was talking to her father—correction, receiving another threat.

This one not so baseless as the rest.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” I said, waiting for his response.

“She’s been touched.”

I rolled my eyes. “You sure about that?”

The line crackled.

“She flushes when you’re near.”

“Most women do.”

“Cocky son of a bitch.” He chuckled. “Remember the terms of our agreement, Nikolai, I scratch your back, you scratch mine. She means nothing to me. You are the one who has everything to lose. You’ve developed a god complex, but I know all your secrets. It would take nothing for me to destroy you. You signed in blood. And it will be your blood that is spilled if you go back on your promise.”

My nostrils flared, heat surged through my body as I watched Maya happily pull out a magazine and cross her legs. Damn it, he was right. What the hell was I doing?

My lack of self control would end up getting her killed.

I knew that just as much as he did.

I was stuck.

And he knew it. Part of me wondered if he was aware that I’d developed a conscience—then again, I’d stopped working directly with him long ago, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t still owned.

“We’ll be in touch.” The phone went dead.

Damn Russian mafia.

And damn me for being one of the best. I didn’t get the nickname The Doctor because I had a good bedside manner.

And I wondered, as I tried not to stare too hard at Maya while she read through her magazine, would she still be alive if I hadn’t have taken the job that changed everything?

Had I damned her, then?

Had I truly saved her?

I let out a low growl of frustration; clenching my phone in my hand, ready to break it in half. I wanted so desperately to protect her from Andi’s fate, but would it be better that she died?

My body tensed.

Would I be extending her mercy, by snuffing out her life?

Maya frowned down at the magazine, her eyebrows furrowed as the plane rose to altitude.

I didn’t shake, didn’t so much as tremble. I was a doctor, after all, and whenever I made a decision of life and death, I was calm. Humanity didn’t slip through. I didn’t have a come–to-Jesus moment, where I wondered if what I was doing would sentence me to the darkest depths of hell.

It was… clarity.

The only way I could explain it.

“Something else to drink?” I asked Maya while she popped her knuckles again. Shit, twice in a few minutes? Was there something about the plane? Or my conversation?

“Wine.” She said quickly. “If you have it.”

I nodded, already walking to the bar. I glanced to my left to make sure she wasn’t watching me, then reached into the cupboard and pulled out a syringe of sodium pentothal. It wouldn’t harm her. If anything, it would relax her more, make it so that I would be able to hold a conversation with her… without her remembering a damn thing, though the dosage needed to be precise. The last thing I needed was for her to end up unconscious.

“What time is it?” I asked while I poured the wine, keeping the small syringe in my right hand.

“Oh.” Maya yawned then glanced at her watch. “It’s nearing four in the afternoon, why?”

“Just thinking about our dinner plans,” I lied. Two and a half hours since she’d last eaten. I mentally went over her stats, weight one-forty, height five seven. She’d need a half dose at the most.

Clearing my throat, I turned, sliding the syringe into the top of my sleeve and bringing over the two glasses of wine; hers was more full.

“Wow, generous in all areas aren’t you, Nikolai?” Maya eyed the wine glass and took a long sip.

“Drink it all,” I instructed with a half smile. “Doctor’s orders.”

“All of it?” She laughed lifting the glass into the air. “This is at least two glasses.”

“At least half,” I said in a more gentle tone. “You seem stressed, and I know… I’m not the easiest to travel with.”

Maya blinked then took another sip of wine. “No, you think?”

“It’s a…” I coughed into my hand letting the syringe slip out to the tips of my fingers. “It’s not you. It’s me.”

“Okay,” she said slowly, setting her wine down on the arm rest.

“Nope.” I offered a encouraging smile. “A few more sips, trust me, you’ll feel so much better.”

Maya rolled her eyes but drank deeply.

The alcohol would work beautifully with the sodium pentothal. Truth serums, didn’t necessarily work by themselves, they were used in conjunction with other tools and drugs, allowing the human mind to be open to suggestion.

But no human mind or body was the same, meaning, the outcome was always different.

If Maya had any sort of… secret she was keeping close, something she wanted to tell me, but couldn’t or refused to, it would most likely come out at some point in the next half hour.

If she were harboring memories, dark ones, ones that scared her, and I offered her a caring ear, she’d jump at it.

And I’d know.

If she was getting triggered and how.

It sounded sick.

But it was of the utmost importance that she be kept in the dark, especially since her father clearly was still keeping eyes on her.

I told myself that as she drank more wine.

But, convincing the monster what he was doing was right, was never difficult. I’d been justifying my actions since we’d originally met.

The day after her sixteenth birthday.