Текст книги "Fearless"

Автор книги: Rachel Van Dyken

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Chapter Eight

When you hear bad news it’s like a literal punch to the stomach—no seriously, your body will create a physical response to your emotional trauma. When you’re heartbroken—you’re chest will actually hurt. Doctors believe that it’s possible to die from heartache, kind of makes you wonder the opposite right? Take for example a heart that’s so full, so alive, so vibrant, so—overjoyed, that it decides to skip a beat, pump a little bit longer, a little bit harder, a little bit…more than the way it was created to be. I think that’s my heart—No I know that’s my heart. When I see Kiersten. My heart is the opposite of broken—it’s full.—Wes Michels

Wes

“So…” I brought Kiersten’s fingertips to my lips and gave them a little kiss, but it wasn’t enough, so I tasted…each and every one.

Funny how a person can actually taste a certain way, to me, she tasted like heaven, which is kind of ironic since I’m pretty sure last year this time I should have been charging towards those pearly gates—or would have been had I not met her. She was my savior, miracle or not. The very fact that she’d said yes to my proposal? And that we were married?

Yeah, forget surviving cancer.

I just married the most beautiful woman God ever created—period.

“So?” Kiersten giggled. “Were you gonna finish that thought or just daydream a bit? What’s going on in Wes Michels Land, hmm?” She winked and then withdrew her hand from mine, placing it in her lap.

We’d just gotten into the car and already I was nervous about the rest of the night—not because I didn’t know what I was doing but because I’d built up so much anticipation for this very day that, now she had said yes? And she was my wife? Well all those emotions came charging down leaving me totally wiped.

It was hell trying to hide my yawn.

Kiersten ran her fingers through my hair as I pulled onto the freeway. “You look tired.”

“I look awesome,” I corrected. “And…satisfied.”

“Oh.” Kiersten shrugged. “So I guess that means you don’t need this?”

I merged into the carpool lane and glanced in her direction. Dangling. White. Lace. Bra. Holy mother of—

“Wes!” Kiersten laughed. “Stay in your lane!”

I screeched to the middle lane then almost slammed on my brakes just because my body was clearly losing all ability to function. It was like adrenaline surged through all the wrong parts forcing me to slam on the brakes while simultaneously wanting to reach over and pull Kiersten into my lap and just—I don’t know, I honestly couldn’t get past the white, the lace. Shit, why was I repeating myself? IN MY HEAD.

“Uhhh…” Throat dry I tried clearing it, but it only made things worse.

“Water?” Kiersten handed me a bottled water. Thank God.

I took a sip just as she hiked up her dress and showed me her garter.

The water sprayed out of my mouth onto the steering wheel of my Porsche Cayenne.

I hacked, I coughed, I hacked again, then wiped my mouth with the back of my hand all the while Kiersten laughed her ass off and continued flashing parts of her body.

Cursing, I took the next exit.

“Where are we going?” Kiersten’s laughter died down as she glanced out the window at the Sound. “A parking lot? We’re pulling up into a parking lot?”

Words weren’t really my thing at that moment. I was more of an action guy anyway, right? I nodded, screeched into a parking spot, threw off my seatbelt, and launched my body across the console, pulling Kiersten towards me with such force that I probably would have bruised her chin had my lips landed anywhere else but on hers.

Ah, that taste.

With a groan, I moved my left hand down her thigh. Coming into contact with that one garter was hell on my imagination.

Because, naturally there were two.

Because she had two legs.

Holy—there were two.

Garters.

I kissed her harder.

“What else?” I panted, grabbing at the back of her head with my right hand, tugging her hair, pulling at whatever I could to get her closer. “What else do you have?”

Kiersten pulled back, her face appearing innocent. Right. Nothing innocent about what was going through my mind because of that little stunt. Didn’t help that her face was flushed, her color peaked. Damn, what I wouldn’t’ do to be able to kiss her senseless right about now. “What do you mean?”

“Any more surprises?”

She grinned. “Why? Afraid you can’t handle it?”

“Sweetheart,” I moaned. “My heart can only handle you in small doses—anymore and it may damn well burst.”

Kiersten’s expression turned serious as she removed her hands from my neck where they were wrapped so tightly I’d probably have bruises in the morning. She shrugged just before she reached for her zipper. As her fingertips touched the metal she locked eyes with me. I licked my lips, my chest rising and falling with so much anticipation I was having trouble breathing. The sound of the zipper lowering had me leaning towards her.

Kiersten drew it down farther and farther with agonizing slowness, my imagination went crazy with possibilities.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” she said seductively. “But I don’t have any other surprises…” Her smile turned deadly. “Just me.”

The dress fell.

We were in a parking lot.

And the top of her dress just—fell open.

And she was right.

She had nothing else—because she was naked.

I don’t know how long I stayed that way—in such shock that my mouth wouldn’t close, my heart hammered, my mind raced.

And then, she pulled her dress back up and sat back against the seat. “So, we should probably get going…unless you’d rather hang out in the parking lot. But no way am I telling my kids that story.”

“Huh?” Clearly, I was having trouble catching up—part of my brain was still functioning on the level of garters, white lace, and nakedness. To be fair, I was a guy so yeah, that was my only excuse. Well that and I loved her—more than life itself.

“Wedding night in a parking lot downtown Seattle?” Kiersten’s nose scrunched up…”Not romantic, now drive.” She hit the dash and leaned back.

“HOW ARE YOU ACTING NORMAL?” My voice was hoarse—damn, was I yelling?

Kiersten burst out laughing.

“Damn Lisa.”

“Oh, this wasn’t Lisa’s idea, nor was it her gift.”

“What?” With shaking hands, I buckled my seatbelt. Where the hell was north? South? East? Were we supposed to go east?

“Gabe.” Kiersten released a dreamy sigh.

“I’ll kill him with my bare hands if he said the word naked to you. Swear.”

“No.” With twinkling eyes she whispered, “But he did say something about how there’s no point wearing lingerie—when it doesn’t even stay on for three seconds.”

“And the garters?”

“Oh these?” She flashed me more leg while I accidently hit my thumb on the steering wheel trying to start the car again.

“Yeah.” I didn’t look away. What was the point in trying when I didn’t have to?

“All. Me.” Kiersten leaned over the console and braced my face with her hands. “I got them a while ago with one intention and one intention only.”

“Yeah?” I focused on her green eyes. “What’s that?”

“To stop Wes Michels’ heart.” She laid a warm palm against my cheek and whispered, “Did it work?”

“Kiersten…” I brushed a kiss across her lips. “You stopped my heart the day I met you—re-started it—and gave it a new rhythm. You are my heart. So yeah, I think it worked.”

Chapter Nine

Skin. Just touching his skin, feeling his warmth, incredible how much it made me want to weep. Like, actually fall down on the ground and sob my eyes out because by touching his skin, by feeling that warmth, I knew he was alive and by knowing he was alive, I realized…being married to him? It was totally real. Funny, how sometimes we need to keep touching things so we know they’re real—even better? That I’d spend the rest of my life touching him, touching Wes Michels. And every touch would remind me, that blood flowed through his veins, that his heart beat strong, that it beat in perfect cadence with mine. —Kiersten

Kiersten

Wes was still staring at me. I fought between wanting to actually stay in that parking lot and letting him maul me—and driving off so we could be alone.

“I love you,” I whispered. “Just in case you weren’t aware.”

“I’m aware,” Wes said quickly, his blue eyes widening a bit as if trying to take in more of what was in front of him. “With every word that comes out of your mouth. Damn Kiersten, if all you did was say nonsense all freaking day. If you talked gibberish but still looked at me the way you’re looking at me now—I’d know. I’d know without a shadow of a doubt that you were mine.”

I nodded, unable to really speak. Wes had a way of doing that to me, one-upping me or really just putting into words what I wasn’t capable of speaking. It was as if he knew my soul and was able to explain the depth of my heart without actually asking me in the first place what I was trying to communicate.

“But—” Wes closed his eyes for a brief moment and buckled his seat belt. “The parking lot, probably not the best place to attack you and that—” He licked his lips and hit the steering wheel. “Yeah…I’m undone.”

“What?” I laughed nervously. “What do you mean?”

“Undone.” He stared straight ahead. “When a person reaches the end of their rope only to find out they’re only half way through their journey but lack the nutrition and energy to get there. You’ve stripped me of all my defenses, I’m like a camel without water—”

“Do camels need that much water to—”

“The point—” Wes chuckled, glancing in my direction. “—is I have nothing left. All I want is you. My entire focus is on you. My soul desires yours, my heart beats with yours, my life won’t continue in the direction its supposed to—without your hand to lead the way. So as much as I want to sit here and stare at you like a complete lunatic who’s lost his mind…” He sighed and pulled out of the parking lot. “I have a surprise for you. Alone. Away from watchful eyes. Alone. God, Kiersten, you have no idea how much I want to get you alone.”

Wes pulled back onto the freeway and then took the next exit. He didn’t look at me, just kept talking. “I need you alone so I can spend every second, every minute, every damn hour, worshipping your body.” He took the second downtown exit towards Pikes Place. “I could spend years just staring at your hair, let alone your eyes, your lips, you drive me to distraction. Like I said you undo me, I don’t feel complete when I look at you but like a total mess of emotions, like I have no control over anything except for the fact that I know with a fierce determination that you were made for me and I was made for you.” He stopped the car at the first stop light then drove down the hill and parked in a random spot in front of the Sound. He turned the car off, unbuckled his seatbelt and turned towards me. “I can’t explain. I wish I could. I wish there were words I could use, really big words, pretty words, words that would make you swoon and cry all at once. But all I have is this…” He sighed, tears welling in his eyes. “I am yours. And you are mine.”

My eyes blurred as Wes gripped my left hand in his and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to my palm.

The thing about Wes? It was impossible to respond to most of the things that came out of that guy’s mouth. It would be like blowing out a candle. His words seeped into my soul and stayed there.

He stayed there.

I closed my eyes, gripping his hand in mine.

I was his.

He was mine.

Squeezing his hand, I opened my eyes and let out a little breath. Together, we’d stormed the gates of hell, and returned unscathed. Whatever life had for us, whether it be illness or any other giant—we’d go into battle together. Because he wasn’t just my husband, but my friend, my partner, my lover.

My everything.

“We’re here.” Wes unlocked the doors.

I looked around. “Downtown? Are we staying in a hotel down here?” That would be really fun. I mean, I kind of expected Wes to do something different. Not that staying at a hotel downtown wasn’t cool, but he did just marry me in the same room he almost died in so, yeah…maybe a bit of a let down.

“Just wait.” Wes winked. “Oh, and this is for you.”

He handed me a black scarf.

“Er, you shouldn’t have?” I took it from his hands and dangled it between us.

Chuckling, he swiped it from my hands and quickly tied it around my head. “Can you see me?”

“You have a serious issue with blindfolding people,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

He laughed and then tugged the blindfold tighter.

“Are you waving in front of me right now?” I asked.

“You tell me,” he whispered.

“Yes?”

“Lucky guess.” He laughed. “Now sit still while I grab our bags and attempt to walk you across the busy street without getting hit by a car.” The car door slammed and when mine opened seconds later, the smell of rain tickled my nose. “Pretty sure my six-year-old self would give me a high five if he could see me now,” Wes boasted.

“Because you were able to blindfold your wife and park within the lines?”

“Hilarious.” Wes pulled me to my feet. “And no, because I get to play real-life Frogger with my wife!”

I sighed, shoulders slumping. “Let me guess, I’m the damn frog.”

“High five.”

I lifted my hand and received a slap from Wes and more laughter. I tried to stay serious I mean he did just call me a frog on our wedding night, but his laugh was infectious.

“You love me.” Wes kissed the top of my head. “Admit it.”

“Only if you admit that you have a problem with blindfolds.”

“You really think you’re in a position to complain?” Wes’s hands moved from my face and landed on my shoulders, and then slowly, his fingertips grazed my breasts as his hands moved down to my hips.

I shuddered.

“Thought so,” he whispered. “Now, hold my hand, while I romance you.”

“In a parking lot. Playing Frogger. Blindfolded.” I counted the three things off on my fingers. “Seems like you have a lot to make up for.”

“I brought Red Bull.” Wes wrapped his arm around me. “Believe me when I say, you’ll be my entire focus…not just for the next few hours, but the rest of our lives.”

We started walking. No idea what direction, but we went slowly. “Almost makes up for the Frogger comment.”

“Believe me, in about fifteen minutes, you won’t even remember your middle name let alone the fact that I compared you to a video game.”

The sound of traffic blared in my ears. We stopped, and then walked across the street. I only knew it was a street because I could look down and see the asphalt.

The road slowly turned into a sidewalk, and then, we were indoors. I just had no idea where.

“Wait here.”

Wes left me on a soft couch. The fabric felt like velvet beneath my fingertips. Were we in a hotel? Or a restaurant? It smelled good. Shrugging, I sat and waited. Waited while Wes Michels went about doing what he does best—shock and awe.

I was happy to wait—until I heard an ambulance in the distance, and then all of a sudden—I was back where I was last year. In the hospital. Waiting for Wes to either live—or die.

Chapter Ten

I started crying for no reason. It was lame really but suddenly my brain went to that possibility—what if. What if things had turned out differently. What if Wes hadn’t made it. And I wasn’t sitting in a lobby or restaurant waiting for his smiling face. I hated that I was torturing myself but there it was, the fear. Trying to seep into my very soul. Because a world without Wes was like a world without the sun. Pointless and dead. My world would be dead.—Kiersten

Wes

Checking in took a lot longer than I thought it would. I felt bad for leaving Kiersten sitting in the lobby, but I wanted it to be a surprise. I’d planned everything perfectly, not that it saved me from having to fill out so much damn paperwork that I seriously almost broke the pen in half.

“Enjoy,” the receptionist said with a smile.

“We will.” I offered a warm smile in return and walked back to where I’d left Kiersten.

Even wearing a blindfold she looked beautiful. But something was wrong, her shoulders were hunched, and she was holding herself like she needed comforting, like the world was crumbling around her and she was powerless to stop it.

“Sweetheart?” I knelt down in front of her and grabbed her hands. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes,” she whispered. “I think so.” A solitary tear slid down her cheek.

Panicking, I rose to my feet and then sat next to her, pulling her in my arms. “Are you hurt? What happened? Did something happen? Talk to me.”

“My heart.” She let out a pathetic sigh. “Sometimes even though I know in my heart that you’re alive and you’re here, I just—I go back to that place. I go back to the nightmares, the moments when I realized I might lose you forever. It sucks, and it’s unfair and it’s totally ruining what I’m sure is going to be an amazing wedding night, but it’s just…Wes, it’s terrifying, crippling.” She shuddered and then reached for her blindfold with shaking hands. I stopped her before she could take it off.

“Kiersten, do you trust me?”

“Y-yes.”

“Then leave the blindfold on, sweetheart.” Her hands were like icicles. I brought them to my lips and kissed each fingertip. “I want you to be able to focus on my voice—nothing else. Not the fear, not the anticipation of where we are, but every word coming out of my mouth.” I released a heavy sigh and leaned in so that my lips were grazing her ear. “Kiersten, the worst has happened. I should have died. I didn’t. I’m right here. Next to you. Holding you. When your mind tries to take you to that place—you need to fight it. The battle is in your head. The minute you start giving power to those thoughts you’ve already lost. Fear wins. Don’t let fear win, Kiersten. Love—our love—it can’t flourish where fear is present. Do you get what I’m saying?” I pulled back a bit to watch the reaction on her face.

More tears, and then a muffled, “No.”

Chuckling, I squeezed her harder. “This could be my last night on this earth. I could choose to be afraid and hole up in a hotel room or I could live. Remember you always have a choice. Don’t let your mind cripple what your heart already knows to be true.” I gripped her hand and placed it over my heart. “And Kiersten even if it was my last night. I would do nothing different. Absolutely nothing. Because I’m with you. My other half, my soul mate.”

Kiersten nodded. I couldn’t tell if she was better or if she was still upset. I thought the tears were gone, but I was still concerned. With a sigh, I helped her to her feet and led her down the hall. She adjusted her blindfold with still-shaking hands.

“S-sorry,” she mumbled once we’d been walking in silence for a bit. “I didn’t mean to get all…emotional.”

“Yeah.” I rubbed her back. “But I did call you a frog so I guess we’re kind of even.”

“True.” She giggled. Ah, there was the laugh I was waiting for. The one that made me want to slay every damn dragon in her way and conquer the world over and over again.

All for one giggle.

One laugh.

Yeah, I was done for.

We were in the best suite they had at The Market Inn downtown. It was a beautiful boutique hotel, but I chose it for a specific purpose, one I hoped would make Kiersten cry happy tears…

“Are we at a hotel?” She asked once I pushed open the door and helped her make her way inside.

“Yup.”

“So is that the surprise?”

“Nope.”

“Okay…”

“Keep walking straight.” I lined her up so she wouldn’t knock anything over. “I’m going to open the sliding glass door really quick and then I’ll take off your blindfold. Alright?”

Kiersten nodded, her smile making me feel like it was Christmas morning and I’d just gotten her a puppy.

She shivered as I led her outside. The moist air had a bite to it, so I took off my suit jacket and wrapped it around her small frame.

“The ocean.” Kiersten lifted her nose into the air and sniffed. “We’re right on the Sound?”

“Yeah.” I watched her like a crazed fool, watched while her smile grew at the idea that we were near the water. “So, my surprise?”

Hands on hips, she shouldn’t have even known where to stare, but there she was, blindfold in place, expecting something like a piece of jewelry or maybe even something like a boat ride.

“Have a seat.” I gently sat her on the wooden lounge chair and took off her blindfold. Her green eyes were still a bit wet with tears. I leaned down and kissed each cheek and whispered. “Surprise.”

Her eyebrows shot together in confusion. “You’re my surprise?”

“Would that be enough?” I tilted my head.

“Yeah.” She reached for me. “Every day of my life that would be enough, more than enough.”

I backed away from her so that I could focus. It seemed every time her skin came into contact with mine, my knees felt like they were about ready to buckle and my brain screamed for me to do something about the way she made me feel.

“Your wedding present.” I smiled and pointed across Elliot Bay.

“You bought me…a boat?” Kiersten guessed her eyes darting across the bay, obviously trying to figure out where I was pointing.

“Hmm, you’re getting warmer.” I kept pointing in the direction of the piece of land across the way. “Hey, maybe these will help.” I handed her some binoculars and winked.

With a teasing scowl, she snatched them out of my hand.

I didn’t look at where she was looking—no, I watched her. Because I knew I’d recognize the minute she discovered her little surprise.

With a gasp, Kiersten jerked back and then look through the binoculars again, then looked at me, then back through the lenses.

“Y-you…” She covered her mouth with her hands.

“I?” Grinning, I pulled her into my arms. “Yes?”

“You.” Her lower lip trembled. “You bought us a house.”

“I did.”

“The house I saw last time we went to that bed and breakfast across the bay—the house with the red door.”

“Yup.”

“The house that wasn’t even for sale when we first saw it.”

I shrugged sheepishly. Yeah, it had been hell to get the people to move out, but when I offered them twice the market rate and told them my story, I was almost afraid they were going to try to give it to me for free. Had they not been an elderly couple that vacationed in Florida half the year I wouldn’t have even pushed it.

“Look again,” I whispered. “This time see if you can’t focus on the large bay window in the front.”

Kiersten, shakily lifted the binoculars back up to her face—but this time when she saw the rest of the surprise, she dropped them and fell into my arms sobbing.

Because above the window I’d had a metal sign made for all to see.

It read simply…The Beginning.