Текст книги "Hidden"

Автор книги: P. C. Cast

Соавторы: Kristin Cast,P. C. Cast
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Me? I imagined if you put a mirror up to me I’d look confused and tired and see that my mascara was clumping and my hair was frizzing.

I wanted to go with my friends and help them get the stables cleaned up. I wanted to find Stark and have him hold my hand and tease me about over-worrying and Internet health symptom googling. Mostly I wanted to forget about the stupid Seer Stone around my neck and focus on something that made more sense—like hateful red fledglings and homework. But I knew Thanatos had been right. We would need all of our gifts to have a chance at even just keeping Darkness at bay. So instead of following my friends, I walked a different path. I cleared my mind as much as I could, and let my instincts guide me. When it was obvious where my feet were leading me, I whispered, “Spirit, please come to me. Help me not to be too afraid.” The element I felt most comfortable with soothed my fear, so that by the time I was standing before the shattered oak tree, it was like my emotions were wrapped in a soft, warm blanket.

I needed the comfort blanket. This place scared me. Professor Nolan had been killed here. Stevie Rae had almost been killed here. Kalona had ripped from the earth here. Jack—poor sweet Jack—had died here.

My gut had taken me here. Worse, my Seer Stone had started to radiate heat.

Yep, I thought. Like Kramisha said, following your gut can cause a shit ton of trouble. I sighed and admitted the truth my instinct had followed—if there’s old magick at the House of Night, this was an excellent place for it to be hiding. Sgiach had told me that old magick was powerful. It was also unpredictable and dangerous. I remembered her explaining that how it manifested had a lot to do with the Priestess who had called it to her.

So, what did that mean for me? What kind of Priestess was I becoming?

I sighed. A confused, crappy one who didn’t get enough sleep.

One with potential, drifted through my mind.

One who doesn’t know enough, I mentally countered with.

One who needs to believe in herself, the wind whispered to me.

One who needs to quit screwing up, my mind insisted.

One who needs to believe in her Goddess.

And that stopped my mental battle.

“I do believe in you, Nyx. I always will.” Resolutely, I pulled the warm Seer Stone from under my T-shirt, took a deep breath, lifted it, and stared through the little Lifesaver-like hole at the broken, battered oak tree.

For a second nothing happened. I squinted, and the tree was just a messed-up old tree. I started to relax and, typically, that’s when all hell broke loose.

From the center of the shattered trunk an ugly, terrible whirling vortex of shadows emerged. Within the whirlpool I could see horrible creatures with twisted bodies covered in skin that was mottled, as if they were rotting from disgusting diseases. Their eyes were cavernous sockets. Their mouths were sewn shut. I could smell them. It was a stink like old roadkill mixed with a backed-up toilet. I gagged and must have made a retching sound, because as a group, they turned their sightless faces to me. Their long, skeletal fingers reached toward me.

“No! Stop!” Spirit’s comfort was shattered. I was paralyzed by fear.

And then from the very center of the vortex a beautiful, full moon-colored light flashed up, burning the horrid creatures into nothingness and knocking me backward on my butt. I dropped the Seer Stone, severing my link to the old magick. As I blinked and gasped, the tree became the tree again. Old and creepy, but mundane and broken.

Not caring about Thanatos or Death’s commands I scrambled to my feet and ran like hell.

* * *

“I’m not crazy. It’s my life that is crazy. I’m not crazy. It’s my life that is crazy…” Between panting breaths I spoke the words like a mantra, over and over to myself, trying to find my normal—my center, or even just a small measure of calm, but my heartbeat was pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. Heart attack, I thought. This level of crazy is too much for me and I’m having a heart attack.

I’d just realized that maybe I couldn’t catch my breath and my heart was pounding like crazy because I was still running, when strong, familiar hands grabbed me, jerking me to a sudden stop. Like a total girl I collapsed against Stark, shaking so hard that my teeth were chittering.

“Zoey! Are you hurt? Who’s after you?” Stark kept me tucked against him while he turned me so that he was staring through the darkness behind me. I’d wrapped my arms around him and I could feel that he’d slung his bow and an arrow holder over his shoulder. Readiness radiated from him. Even through my panic, his presence calmed me. I gulped air, shaking my head. “No, I’m okay. I’m okay.”

He held me out at arm’s length, looking up and down my body like he was checking for wounds. “What happened? Why are you freaked and running like a crazy person?”

I frowned at him. “I’m not a crazy person.”

“Well, you were running like one. And inside here”—he pressed a finger against my chest over my quieting heart—“you were definitely feeling whacked.”

“Old magick.”

His eyes widened. “The bull?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I looked through the Seer Stone at the tree. You know, the tree, by the east wall.”

“Why in the hell would you do that?”

“Because Thanatos told me I needed to practice with the stupid Seer Stone in case it could somehow be used to fight Neferet.”

“So you saw something that came after you?”

“Well, no. Yes. Kinda. I saw some creepy things inside something that looked like a tornado whirlpooling up from the middle of the tree. Stark, they were seriously the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. And they smelled bad. Really, really bad. Actually, they almost made me puke. I did gag, which was when they noticed me, but before they could do anything this bright light zapped them.” I paused, thinking through my panic. “Actually, the zapping light was kinda like Sookie’s fairy-light-thing. Do you think there’s any chance I’m a fairy?”

“No, Z. Focus. True Blood is fiction. This is the real world. What happened after the zapping light?”

“I don’t know. I ran.” I glanced around us and noticed that I’d run all the way along the inside of the wall and I was almost at the stables. “I ran a really long way.”

“And?”

“And nothing. Except that you grabbed me. Goddess, I thought I was having a heart attack.”

“So you were scared. That’s it?”

I frowned at him again. His voice was kind, but his expression was strained, like he was trying to choose between shaking me, or kissing me. “Well,” I said slowly. “Yeah, but I was really scared.”

His grip on my shoulders turned into a giant, squashing bear hug. I felt his body relax. He let out a long breath that ended up being a chuckle. “You scared the bejezzus out of me, Z.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled against his chest, wrapping my arms around him again and squeezing him back. “Thanks for finding me and being totally ready to save me.”

“You don’t have to say sorry. I’m your Warrior—your Guardian—it’s my job to save you. Even though you’re usually pretty good at saving yourself.”

I leaned back so I could see his eyes. “I’m a job?”

His lips tilted up in his cocky, half grin. “Full time. Totally. No benefits and no days off, either.”

“Seriously?”

“Okay, no.” His cocky grin got wider. “I do remember getting some sick days when an arrow burned me and a few more when a crazy Scotsman cut me up. So, I take that back. I get benefits. They’re just crappy ones.”

“You’re so fired!” I would’ve smacked him, but I didn’t want to take my arms away from around his shoulders.

“You can’t fire me. I signed up for life.” Stark’s smile faded from his lips, but remained in his eyes. “You’re my Priestess, my Queen, mo bann ri. I’ll never leave you. I’ll always protect you. I love you, Zoey Redbird.” He bent and kissed me so tenderly that I felt the truth of his commitment deep in my soul.

When his lips finally left mine I looked up at him. “I love you, too,” I said. “And you know you don’t have to be jealous of a dead guy, right?”

He touched my cheek. “Right. Sorry ’bout that last night.”

“That’s okay. And, um, speaking of—there’s something you need to know.”

“What?”

I took a big breath and blurted, “Last night at the end of the ritual I looked through the Seer Stone at Aurox and I saw Heath. That’s why I didn’t let you and Darius hurt him.”

I felt the tension level in Stark’s body shoot back up to the Danger! Red Alert! range.

“Is that why you were calling Heath in your sleep last night?” He sounded more hurt than pissed.

“No. Yes. I don’t know! I was telling you the truth. I don’t remember what I was dreaming, but it makes sense that Heath was on my mind after seeing him when I looked at Aurox.”

“That bull thing is not Heath. How can you even think that?”

“It’s not that I’m thinking it. It’s what I saw.”

“Zoey, look, there has to be an explanation for what you saw.” He took a step back. My arms slid down from around his shoulders.

“That’s why Thanatos wants me to practice looking through the Seer Stone, so I can figure out how it works.” I felt cold and alone without his arms around me. “Stark, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to see Heath in Aurox. I don’t want to see or say or do anything that would hurt you. Ever.” I was blinking hard, trying to keep from bursting into tears.

Stark ran his hand through his hair. “Z, please don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” I said, and then hiccupped a little sob and backhanded a tear that had somehow escaped from my eye.

Stark reached into his jeans’ pocket and pulled out a crumpled tissue. He stepped close to me again, and wiped the second tear that had followed the first escapee. Then he kissed me, softly, handed me the tissue, and pulled me back into his arms.

“Don’t worry, Z. Heath and I made peace in the Otherworld. I’d be glad to see him again.”

“Really?” I had to step out of his arms long enough to blow my nose.

“Well, yeah. Glad to see him again, but not as glad for you to see him again.” His honesty made both of us smile. “And I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. But, Z, that bull thing is not Heath.”

“Stark, I knew Aurox had something to do with old magick from the first time I saw him. He made me feel weird as hell.” I hated telling him, but he deserved nothing less than honesty from me.

“Of course he made you feel weird. He’s a creature of Darkness! And, yeah, he’s old magick. He was created by the nastiest kind of that shit when Neferet killed your mom as a sacrifice. I’d worry about you if he didn’t make you feel weird.”

I let out a deep breath. “Well, I guess that does make sense.”

“Yeah, and I’ll bet if we work on it together we can figure out why that stone showed you Heath last night.” When I just chewed my lip he kept on, like he was reasoning aloud. “Think about it, Z. What all have you seen through the stone?”

“Well, on Skye I saw those old sprites—the elementals.”

“Were they like the things you saw today?”

I shuddered. “No, not at all. The elementals were unearthly, mysterious, strange, but in a good way. What I saw today was grotesque and terrifying.”

“Okay, except for just now at the tree, and last night at the ritual, has the Seer Stone shown you anything else since we’ve been back from Italy?”

I met his gaze. “Yes. You.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Zoey

“Me? Z, you’re not making any sense,” Stark said.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. It’s just that it kinda felt like I was creeping on you when I did it because you were sleeping, and I only did it because it was back when you were having trouble sleeping, and it was actually mostly an accident, so I never said anything to you, and now it seems like I could have made the whole thing up,” I finished in a rush.

“Zoey, I can listen in on your emotions. That’s way more creeper-like than you peeking through a stone at me while I’m asleep. Plus, you’re right. My sleep had been really jacked up. I don’t blame you for checking me out with the stone. Just tell me what you saw.”

“I saw a shadow over you. I remember thinking that it looked like a ghost Warrior. You opened your hand and the Guardian Sword appeared. Then the ghost-shadow guy grabbed it and it turned into a spear. I think it was bloody. It scared me, so I called spirit and chased the thing away. You woke up then and we uh…” My face felt hot. “Well, we made love and I forgot about it.”

“Z, I like to think I’m good in bed and all, but even so, how the hell could you forget about seeing a ghost guy with a spear hanging out over me?”

“Seriously, Stark. Right after that we walked into what Stevie Rae called one hot mess of bullpoopie here at the House of Night. I was busy.” I crossed my arms and glared at him. “Wait, I didn’t totally forget about it. I told Lenobia about the shadow guy.”

“Great, so a professor knows but I didn’t know.”

“You do now.”

“Well, what did Lenobia say about it?”

“Basically she told me to keep my eyes open here in the real world, versus gawking through the stone, which is what I did until last night when I saw Heath,” I said.

“Look through it at me again.”

“Now?”

“Now.”

“Fine.” I lifted the Seer Stone, took a deep breath, and peeked through it at him.

“Well? How do I look?”

“Grumpy.”

“And?”

“Annoying.”

“Nothing else?”

“Maybe kinda cute. But only maybe.” I put the stone back under my shirt. “Totally just you. I didn’t think I’d see anything. The stone wasn’t hot.”

“It gets hot?”

“Yep, sometimes.” I chewed my lip and thought about it. “That’s actually why I looked through it at you the first time. It got warm.”

“Was it warm when you looked through it at Aurox?” he asked.

“No, but I knew I had to look through it. It was like I was compelled to,” I said. “And it’d been warm before when Aurox was around.”

“Fucking old magick. It’s a pain in the ass,” he said. “You’d think there’d at least be a playbook that had the rules for it listed somewhere, but no.”

“I should call Sgiach. I mean, she gave me the stone. She deals with old magick. Maybe she’d be able to give me some guidelines.”

He gave a little snort. “Didn’t you ask her for that on Skye?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“If I remember right, she didn’t give you any real answers.”

“You remember right. She did say that she thought the only old magick left on this earth was on Skye.”

“She was wrong,” Stark said.

“Yeah, definitely.”

“You know what I think?”

Stark moved close to me again and put his arm around me. I rested my head against his shoulder and slid my arm around his waist and said, “That I’m Crazy Town?”

He grinned and kissed my forehead. “You’re not Crazy Town. You’re Crazy Metropolis. Hell, Z, you’re Crazy Universe. But I like me some crazy.”

“Now you sound like Stevie Rae.” We smiled at each other, relaxing back into the foundation of our relationship—our commitment to each other—our belief in each other. “So, what were you going to say? What do you think?”

“I think that I’m done with deciding what I’m going to do because of what other people say. Especially adult other people who hand us mysteries, or drop us off in the middle of a shitstorm without giving us any real help,” he said.

“Yeah, I get that. I’ve been feeling like that since Neferet lost her mind and I was the only one who knew it.”

“Okay, so, let’s figure this old magick stuff out ourselves. Z, you have an affinity for all five elements. No one can even remember the last time that happened. You’re a different kind of fledgling—a different kind of High Priestess. You’re a young warrior queen, and I’m your Guardian. Together there’s nothing we can’t take on.” His cocky smile was back. “We took on the Otherworld and won.”

“Yeah, except for the part about you dying and all,” I reminded him.

“Just a small detail. It turned out okay.”

I squeezed him, pressing myself against his strong side. “It turned out better than okay.” He kissed me and I drew strength from his taste and his touch and his love. Maybe Stark was right. Maybe there wasn’t anything we couldn’t take on together. I sighed happily and snuggled against him.

“Let’s go to the stables.” Stark jerked his chin forward at the long building not far from us.

“I guess we should. I’ll bet Erin’s there. Even from here I can see it looks soggy.”

“Actually, I haven’t seen Erin in a while.” Stark shrugged. “Maybe that’s because the stables are really better off than you’d think. Most of the damage was from smoke. All that really burned was a bunch of hay and bedding and one stall.”

“Persephone’s fine, right?” Twining my fingers through his, we started walking slowly toward the stables, letting our arms and hips brush against each other.

“She’s good. All of the horses are good. Well, except Bonnie. She’s acting pretty nervous. Lenobia put her in a turn-out with Mujaji to settle her down. Apparently the two of them get along. Which reminds me, a bunch of fledglings said they saw Lenobia kissing Travis before the EMTs took him away,” Stark said.

My eyes got giant. “Seriously? I can’t wait till Aphrodite and Stevie Rae hear that!”

Stark chuckled. “Stevie Rae already has—via Kramisha, who is telling everybody.” He bumped my shoulder with his. “All that time you spent at the tree made you miss out on some good gossip.”

I looked up at him, confused. “All that time? I was only there for, like, a minute.”

Stark stopped. “What time do you think it is right now?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. I’d have to look at my phone, but we got to Thanatos’s room at seven-thirty. We were probably there half an hour or less, so it couldn’t be any later than eight-thirty-ish.”

“Zoey, it’s eleven-thirty. We only have time to meet everyone at the stables and then go to Dragon’s funeral pyre.”

All of my insides went cold. “Stark, I lost more than three hours!”

“Yeah, you did, and I don’t like it. Give me your word that you won’t look through that damn stone again unless I’m with you.”

I was freaked enough not to argue with him. “You got it. I’m totally giving you my word. I’m not looking through that thing unless you’re with me.”

His shoulders relaxed and he gave me a quick kiss. “Thanks, Z. Something that can steal time from you is Not Good.” He gave the last two words special emphasis. “I know Sgiach said old magick could be good or bad, but I don’t care which one it is if it takes without asking.”

“I know. I know.” We’d starting walking again, but I kept a tight hold on his hand. “No wonder I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. I’d been stuck standing there, staring at those disgusting, smelly things for hours.” I shuddered.

“It’s okay. We’re going to figure out this old magick crap. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Stark squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. I wanted to believe him. I did believe in him—his strength and his love. It was the other side that I was worried about. The unknown side that Darkness sat squarely in the middle of. It kept creeping up and picking off people I loved.

I was thinking about how much I didn’t want to lose anyone else when the stupid Seer Stone began heating up. I stopped, pulling Stark to a halt with me. I pressed my hand over the spot it was warming on my chest.

“What?” he asked.

“It’s getting hot.”

“Why?”

“Stark, I have no clue. You’re supposed to be helping me figure that out, remember?”

“Okay, right. Yeah. We can do this.” He started looking around. “So, let’s figure it out.”

“How?”

“Well, I’m thinking,” he said.

I sighed and tried to think, too. We’d stopped under one of the big trees just outside the perimeter of the east side of the stables. I glanced up quickly, suddenly worried about lurking things with no eyes and sewn shut mouths. But there was nothing above us. Actually, it was really peaceful around us. All I could think of was that there was nothing to think of. Voices drifted to us from the stables and I could hear equipment and stuff running—like tractors and whatnot were being used to drag things away and clear up the debris. I heard the sound of another motor, this one coming from somewhere behind us and getting closer.

“That’s weird,” Stark said, looking back over my shoulder. “Taxis don’t come here.”

I followed his gaze and saw the beat-up, maroon-colored car with boxy black letters spelling TAXI on the side of it. Stark was right. It was super weird to see a taxi at the House of Night. Hell, Tulsa wasn’t exactly known for its awesome taxi service. I mentally shrugged—the Midtown trolley was cooler anyway.

Then Lenobia stepped from the side entrance to the stables and practically ran to the car. She opened the back door and reached down to help guide the tall, bandaged cowboy out. The taxi sped away. Travis and Lenobia just stood there looking at each other.

My Seer Stone felt like it was going to burn a hole in my shirt. I pulled it out and held it away from my skin. I didn’t say anything, though. Stark and I were too busy staring at Travis and Lenobia. They weren’t real close to us, but still it felt like an invasion of their privacy to be gawking at them—even though we kept standing there gawking at them.

Then it hit me. I bumped Stark’s arm and, keeping my voice low, said, “The stone got super hot as soon as Travis got out of the cab.”

Stark looked from Travis and Lenobia to the stone and then to me. He put a firm hand on my shoulder and said, “Do it. Look through the stone at him. I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. If something tries to suck time from you I’m going to stop it.”

I nodded and, like ripping off a Band-Aid in one quick pull, I lifted the Seer Stone, framing Travis and Lenobia within its circle.

It started like what happened at the tree, at first my vision of the two of them remained exactly the same. I watched Lenobia’s hands fluttering nervously over Travis’s bandaged hands. They looked like big white mittens, and I could see that the gauze wraps went up his forearms. Even from where we stood, his face looked abnormally red and shiny, like he’d gotten a bad sunburn and had put a bunch of aloe gel on it. But he didn’t look like he was in pain. He was smiling. A lot. At Lenobia. I was getting ready to drop the Seer Stone and tell Stark that I was, indeed, Crazy Universe, when Travis bent and kissed Lenobia.

Everything changed then. There was a brightness that caused me to blink and when my sight cleared Travis was gone. In his place was a really hot, young, black guy. He had long hair that was pulled back in a low ponytail and shoulders so broad he looked like a linebacker. He was kissing Lenobia as if it were his last kiss in the world. And she was kissing him back—only it was a different Lenobia. She looked young, like she was only sixteen or so. She wrapped her arms around him like she’d never let go. All around them the air wavered and shimmered, like I was watching them over the top of a bubbling pot. Only instead of steam rising, I swear there were robin’s egg blue spirits of happiness flitting around them. The happiness swelled within me and started bubbling, as if the pot was my head and the water my emotions. The ground fell away beneath my feet. I was floating in joy and love and blue bubbles.

Then my head got real dizzy and my stomach totally rebelled.

“Zoey! Stop! That’s enough. Put! It! Down!”

I realized Stark was yelling at me and pulling at the Seer Stone. I felt the earth under my feet again. The blue bubbles evaporated and the joy went away, leaving me sick and drained and super shaky. I dropped the Seer Stone in time to bend over and puke beside the tree.

“You’re okay. You’re okay. I got you, Z. Everything’s fine.” Stark was holding my hair back while I continued to retch and heave up my guts.

“Stark? Zoey?” Lenobia was coming toward us, sounding breathless and worried. I could hear Travis close behind her asking what was wrong. I couldn’t answer, though. I was too busy barfing.

“Zoey! Oh, Goddess, no!” Lenobia’s concern skyrocketed when she realized I was puking.

“She’s not rejecting the Change. She’s okay,” Stark reassured her while I took yet another tissue he offered me and wiped my mouth. Finally done puking I leaned against the tree, embarrassed and grossed out. I seriously hate to puke.

“Then what is it? Why are you sick?”

With Stark on one side and Lenobia on the other, they guided me to a wrought iron bench that wasn’t far away from the big tree (but far enough away so that we wouldn’t smell my puke—eesh).

“Should I get someone?” Travis asked.

“No,” I said quickly. “I’m fine. I’m better now that I’m sitting.” I glanced at Stark questioningly. He nodded. “Whatever you saw, tell her. We trust her.”

I looked from him to Lenobia. “And you trust Travis?”

She didn’t hesitate. “With my life.”

The big cowboy smiled and stepped closer to her. Their shoulders touched.

“Okay, what happened is my Seer Stone started heating up. When Travis got out of the car it got really hot. Stark was here, so we decided I should look through it at, well, you guys and see if that would help me start to understand what it shows me. So I looked through it at you two.”

“Seer Stone?” Travis asked. He didn’t sound freaked out at all. He just sounded curious.

“It’s an old magick amulet given to Zoey by an ancient vampyre queen,” Lenobia explained. “What did you see?”

“Well, nothing but you two until you kissed.” I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry for watching you while you were kissing.”

Travis smiled and put a bandaged arm around Lenobia’s shoulders. “If I have my way about it, little missy, you’ll be seein’ a whole lot me of me kissin’ this pretty girl.”

I waited for Lenobia to strike him dead with her death-ray vision. Instead she looked adoringly up at him, pressed her hand to his chest over his heart, and rested her head, carefully, against his shoulder. Then she repeated, “What did you see when we were kissing?”

“Travis turned into a big black guy and you turned into a younger version of yourself. And all around you there were these wispy, bubbly, happy things that were blue. I’m pretty sure they were sprites of some sort.” My eyes widened. “Actually, now that I think about it, the bubbles reminded me of the ocean. Huh. Weird. Anyway, I got all caught up in it, like it lifted me from the earth and put me in a happy blue ocean bubble. Sorry. I know that sounds crazy.” I held my breath, waiting for Lenobia to laugh and Travis to scoff.

They didn’t do either. Instead, Lenobia began to cry. I mean, seriously. She did the big, shoulder-shaking, snot bawl that I tend to be prone to. Travis just held her closer to him. He looked down at her as if she was a miracle personified. “I’ve known you before. That’s why you feel like home to me.”

Lenobia nodded. Then, through her tears, she told me, “Travis is my only human mate, my only love, returned to me after two hundred and twenty-four years. I vowed never to love another after him, and I have not. We met and fell in love on the ocean in a ship that carried us from France to New Orleans.”

“So the Seer Stone showed me the truth?”

“Yes, Zoey. It absolutely did,” Lenobia said before she turned her face into Travis’s chest and wept while he held her, releasing two centuries of waiting and loss and pain.

I stood and took Stark’s hand again, pulling him away so that the two of them could be alone. As we walked into the stables he said, “This does not mean Aurox is Heath come back to you. You know that, right?”

Stevie Rae saved me by rushing up and gushing, “Ohmygoodness! Where have you been? I can’t wait to tell you ’bout Lenobia and Travis.”

“Been there. Done that,” Stark said. “Where are Aphrodite and Darius?”

“They’re already in front of Nyx’s Temple at the funeral pyre,” Stevie Rae said. “We’re meeting them there real soon.”

“I’ll go find Erin and Shaunee and Damien. We need to get going.”

“What’s up with him?” Stevie Rae asked, watching Stark stride away.

“Heath may really be inside Aurox,” I said.

Stevie Rae echoed my thoughts exactly by saying, “Ah, hell!”