Текст книги "Lovestrong"

Автор книги: Nikki Groom

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

She tucks her head into my shoulder and I bury my face into her hair. I feel a sob push up through her throat and a tear slides from her cheek across my collarbone.

“Hey, don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Lottie.”

“I’m fine,” she insists unconvincingly before wiping her eyes with my t-shirt.

“Lottie!” I laugh. “Still as ladylike as ever. Some things never change.”

She frowns at me, but she still has a playful look in her eyes. She drops the frown and tilts her head to the side. “And some things never will change, Spike.”

It’s then, when I look into her tear filled blue eyes, when I see the honesty and pure love, that I realize everything will be okay. It might not be the way we planned our lives, but no matter what life throws at us, we were meant to be together. We have each other, and for us, that’s what matters the most.

I sweep the hair from her face with my index finger and trace it gently down her cheek before running my hand around the back of her neck. I silently convey how I feel right in this moment, and I know she sees it in my eyes. I pull her gently toward me, angling her face so I have clear access to her lips. I’ve craved her kiss since the last time our lips touched and I’m equally eager and nervous. I want this kiss to be the start of forever. We’ve barely spoken two words since she arrived and I’m presuming she feels the same way as I do. No. I know she wants this.

When our tender skin touches, we ignite, a catalyst to each other, and I know for sure that she wants this too.

Her body melts into mine. Our lips move slow and easy and my head spins with happiness.

Whoops and hollers come from the doorway where Denham, Arianna, Mom and Tara are still standing, watching us with smiles as wide as the ocean. An ocean Lottie has crossed and come back again, to me.

“I was wrong, Lotts,” I murmur against her mouth. She pulls back and frowns, but before she can speak, I stop her by pressing my finger softly to her lips. “You thought we were Lovestrong.” She nods slowly, and my heart constricts at the worried expression in her eyes. I hate that I’ve given her good reason to doubt my love for her. “We are, baby. We are Lovestrong. We always were, and if I have my way, we always will be. I love you, Charlotte Miller, and now I have you in my arms, I’m never going to let you go.”

She smiles big and says, “Good. I’d hate to have to leave again. London is fucking cold.”

Everyone laughs, reminding me yet again that we are not alone. But I don’t care. Everyone that is and has ever been important to me is in this room. For the first time since the accident, I truly believe that it might all just work out okay. “I love you, Lottie. You’re my sunshine after the rain. The only girl I ever want by my side.”

“I’ll always stand by your side, Spike. I’m yours.”

Chapter 18

After saying goodbye to Tara, Ari reluctantly let me stay over here with Spike for the evening, but only because I promised to have breakfast with her and fill her in on everything that happened while I was away. Spike asked me to stay with him tonight, and even though I think there’s still some air to clear between us, I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to just be with him. I had craved this for so long, even though I hadn’t considered the logistics of it all, when it came down to it, it really wasn’t difficult. Just different.

I lie in the dark, wrapped in warm arms and snuggled in to Spike’s chest. He’s obviously been working out and strengthening his upper body while I was away, and although it’s strange to lie here with the plethora of equipment surrounding us to make his life easier, there isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. From the very second we were told he may not walk again, I was prepared, without question, to do whatever it took to support him, so none of this is unexpected to me.

I run my fingers lightly up and down his chest, marveling at how easy it is for us to be like this. I’ve been back barely a day, and already we have fallen back in to the way we were before the accident. I never thought we could be like this so fast. On the flight home I was prepared to work hard; I was prepared to fight. I’m not naïve enough to think it’ll always be easy, but now that Spike has accepted the way things are, I’m not fighting against him. I’m standing by his side and we will fight together.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” Spike asks, pulling me tighter to his side.

“I don’t want to sleep just yet.” I’m feeding my senses with everything Spike.

He kisses me on the top of my head before nuzzling and breathing into my hair with a groan. “I guess we need to talk … about things.”

“Things?” I question reluctantly. I don’t want this bubble to burst.

“Yeah. I don’t know how this is going to work, Lotts. There’s so many obstacles and I” He sighs and I can feel the battle he’s having with himself.

“Spike.” I prop myself up on my elbow and although I can’t see his eyes in the dark, I can make out his silhouette in the moonlight. “I love you. There is no obstacle big enough for me to not want to be with you. I left for two weeks, it felt like an eternity, but there wasn’t one day, or one hour that went by that you weren’t in my thoughts. I know you think you’re holding me back somehow by us being together, and I don’t know what it’s going to take to get you see that you’re holding me back by pushing me away.”

He reaches over and flicks on the light beside the bed, before taking my hand in his and running his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m sorry, Lottie. I’m sorry for pushing you away and I’m sorry for all the awful things I said to you. If I could take it all back, I would. I just … I thought I was doing the right thing by setting you free. It hurt more than being told I would never walk again.”

“I know.”

“I need you to know that I never stopped loving you, Lottie.” His eyes bore into mine, reminding me of the love I never truly stopped believing in. “I wanted to keep you by my side. But I didn’t want to be selfish. I never thought you’d leave and go as far as London, and when you did, you took my heart with you.” The lines around his eyes become more prominent as the pain of our separation tightens his expression.

“So what changed? Why the phone call?” I ask.

“Well, there’s this kid, at the rehab center, and … I’ll tell you all about him, but I’d like you to come with me tomorrow, would you think about it, please?” he asks with such hopeful innocence and I want to cry with the overwhelming protectiveness I feel for his heart.

“Spike, I don’t even need to think about it, of course I want to come with you. Just try and stop me. If we are going to do this, we do this together, right? Everything. Together. I know what it entails. I know it won’t always be easy, but it has to be easier to pull together than struggle apart?”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he laughs, “You’re still as bossy as ever.”

“I know.” He smiles up at me and I lean in to him. Kissing him softly on the lips. A sealed, silent promise that I won’t leave his side. “I love you, Spike,” I whisper against his lips.

“I love you, too, Lottie. More than anything or anyone.”

“Good. Talk over.” I give him one last hard kiss and hop up off the bed. “I need to pee.”

“Whoa, hey, hold on there just a minute,” he calls, seeming panicked.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“What in hell’s name is that on your back?” he asks wide eyed, pushing himself up on to his elbows.

‘Oh. Um…” I had completely forgotten about my new tattoo. There hadn’t been a chance to tell him about it, and he was already in bed when I got in earlier, so he didn’t see it. Now that the light is on, he can see some of my new art beside my tank straps. “I got a tattoo.”

“You? You got a tattoo? Like a real one that won’t wash off?” he sputters like he can’t quite believe his eyes.

“Yes, Spike,” I laugh at his reaction. “I think I’m a bit big for a wash off transfer, don’t you?”

“Let me see,” he demands, and I can’t tell if he’s amused or angry.

I sit on the bed with my back to him and pull my top up over my head so he can see.

“It’s only just been done. Well, it’s been a work in progress for the last week or so, and the final color was added yesterday so it doesn’t look at its best at the moment.” I know I’m babbling, but I’m suddenly nervous about this. “It’s a firebird.” I smile, remembering Torran’s nickname for me. “A phoenix.”

“It’s beautiful,” He says quietly.

“You really like it?” I turn to face him, searching his eyes for the truth.

“I love it, Lottie. It’s so intricate and beautiful.” He strokes the back of his index finger lightly down my cheek. “Just like you.”

“I’m glad you think so.” I pull my tank back on and climb onto the bed next to him. “I was rebelling.”

“You? Rebelling? I’m surprised,” he replies dryly with a cocked eyebrow.

“Hey!” I shove his shoulder playfully. I love this. I love being back with him. I love having him back.

“I always knew you were a tough woman, but now, that tattoo is badass, Lotts.” He’s serious now, and I’m relieved he likes it.

“Right?” I grin.

“I’m just sorry I wasn’t with you when you had it done.” He drops his head regretfully.

“Look, Spike, we have to move forward. I’m sorry you weren’t there for it in person. But you were always with me, wherever I went. I probably would never have gotten it if it wasn’t for the fact that we were apart.” I feel like I should tell him about Torran, and our friendship, but I don’t want him to feel weird about it. I don’t know how I would have felt if he had spent weeks in the company of another woman while I wasn’t around. The green eyed monster rears its ugly head in my thoughts. I know I’m jealous, I always have been, not because I’m insecure about myself, but because I know Spike is such a kind soul and some women are just too calculated for him to see someone trying to wiggle their way in. Well, there will be none of that now that I’m back. Move on. Move forward.

“Maybe I should get one. I could get your name across my chest,” he muses, gazing at me softly.

“Then you would look like an idiot,” I remark bluntly and he chuckles. “Anyway, now I really have to pee.” I jump up off the bed once again, and head for the bathroom a little faster with more urgency this time.

“Lottie?” Spike calls out.

“WHAT?” I demand impatiently, crossing my legs to stop the need to pee.

He gazes at me for a second, blinking slowly and a gentle smile touches the corners of his lips. “I love you.”

“I know,” I smile. “I love you, too.”

Chapter 19

“I’m glad you agreed to come with me,” I say, before holding out my hand for Lottie to take. Lottie’s height, or lack of it, and the fact that my wheelchair is elevated, means that there isn’t much difference in our head height. I wheel in through the double doors to the rehab center, one hand on the controls and the other hand holding securely onto Lottie’s. It’s not that I think she’s going to run away, more like I don’t want to let her go. I’ve missed being able to touch her whenever I want and I’m damn well going to make up for it.

“Of course. What do you do here anyway?”

“Exercises, stretches, treatments on my muscles. Just stuff to try and improve my mobility and keep making progress.”

“Oh.” She swallows loudly and doesn’t say anything more.

“Hey,” I stop my wheels and tug gently on her hand to make her meet my eyes. “Look at me. If you’re not ready for this, I understand. But it’s pretty easy when you get used to the fact that this is how it has to be.”

“It’s not that, it’s just … I don’t know, I just hate that you have to do all of this, you know? Ignore me, I was just having a moment.” She waves her hand dismissively.

“That’s allowed. I’ve had enough moments to know that it’s hard to get your head around. I hated having to do this too. It’s not so scary once you get in there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop being sorry, Lottie. Sorry wastes time. Now give me a kiss,” I order, tilting my chin up to her, giving her a wink and a naughty smile.

She frowns, narrowing her eyes at me. “Did my bossy rub off on you?”

“Maybe.” I shrug.

“I think I like it,” she remarks, placing her hand on my cheek and bending a little to press her lips against mine. “Just don’t do it too often. You’ll make me look soft.”

“I doubt that could ever happen, Lotts, and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

“Okay. Do you feel comfortable? Are the straps okay?” Dan asks, locking the leg braces in place. We’ve been building up to this for a few weeks now and although it’s a little earlier than Dan would like, I want to give this a shot with Lottie here for the first time today.

“Yeah, they feel good, man.” I open and close my fists, loosening up my fingers and making sure my grip feels strong.

“Good. I want you to keep breathing, and listen to everything I say, yes?” He looks me directly in the eye, making sure I understand and that I am focused.

“Yep.”

“I don’t want you thinking you can do more just because your girl’s here. Don’t risk anything,” he warns sternly.

“Gotcha, Captain.”

“Ready? Feeling strong?” he asks with a grin, knowing that I wouldn’t back out now if the place was being flattened by an atomic bomb.

“Ready,” I reply, anticipation and excitement growing fast in my stomach.

I can do this. For her, I can do anything.

Dan does a round of last minute checks on the straps before standing in front of the gait harness system. “When you’re ready, my friend,” he instructs, holding on to the front of the harness system. There are a couple of other therapists on either side of the system, just for safety’s sake. I have worked hard to get the strength up in my upper body, with the aim of using this piece of equipment. I know it’s going to take a lot, but I also know I can do it. I grip the rails, take in a deep breath and pull up. The leg braces help me stand easier than I thought they would and although it takes most of my strength, I’m amazed that my legs actually take some of my weight.

“Breathe, my man,” Dan says, taking my attention away from my feet. I raise my head and meet his eyes. I’m actually standing at eye level. Standing! It might be assisted, but I actually feel like I’m part of the world again. Dan smiles. “You good?”

“Yeah,” I say breathlessly. “Yeah, really good.” He nods, and as he does, I look past him to see Lottie standing at the back of the room with her hands covering her mouth and tears making tracks down her cheeks. I jerk my chin up, signaling for her to come to me. She comes forward, and Dan steps to the side to let her stand right in front of me. It’s a feeling that has no words. Tears fill my eyes to mirror hers as I stand on shaky legs.

“Babe,” she whispers tearfully, placing her hands over mine.

“I may never stand unaided, Lottie. I may never walk next to you like I wish for. But I will always be by your side. I will fight with all I have to be everything you need me to be. I don’t ever want to be without you again. And I wish I could say this the traditional way, but nothing about us has ever been traditional… Will you marry me, Lottie Miller?”

“Marry you?” Her voice trembles and she looks at me with wide eyes.

“Yes. I want to marry you. I’ve always wanted to marry you; I was just waiting for the right time and the right place. But all of this has made me realize that I don’t want to wait. I want to seize every minute with you, and I want us to live like every day is our last. What do you say?”

“Yes,” she beams. “I say yes!”

All of the therapists and patients in the room cheer, and Lottie and I look at each other, laughing and crying at the same time. The emotional distraction takes its toll and my legs start to shake with the exertion. One of the therapists brings the wheelchair in behind me and Dan loosens the hoist straps to help lower me down. I seat myself back in my chair, breathless but deliriously happy. Lottie wastes no time when the harness system is rolled away, and launches herself in to my lap, flinging her arms around my neck.

“I love you, Spike.”

“And I love you, crazy girl. So much.” She presses her nose against mine and looks into my eyes. I click my wheelchair into action and push it hard to the left. If I had the use of my legs, I would be picking her up and spinning her around right now, but I’m getting used to the fact that for the majority of our lives, my wheels will be my legs. So I spin the chair in circles, around and around, and she laughs, the beautiful sound floating freely from her chest and filling the room.

Chapter 20

“Ari. You and D-man have one hour to get your asses to Stratosphere tower,” I announce as Arianna answers my call.

“What? What’s going on? Why are you … Stratosphere tower? Holy shit. Are you? Did Spike” Her words all roll in to the next and if she doesn’t take a breath soon, she’s going to pass out.

“Yes! And yes!”

Our matching squeals of excitement travel through the earpiece of my cell and I actually have to move it away from my ear or risk being deafened.

“You’re getting married? In a freakin’ hour, Lottie?” Arianna cries in disbelief.

“Yep.” I bounce up and down on the balls of my feet and glance over to Spike who’s on the phone with his mom, trying to explain why she has to throw together the fastest ‘Mother of the groom’ outfit in history.

“How did he …Hold on, what are you going to wear? How will you wear your hair? Did you even decide what flowers you’re having? Don’t you need a marriage license for that?” She rapidly fires questions at me and I laugh.

“Ari, I know you’ve probably planned your perfect wedding in your head since you were five years old, and I know you need to have every detail planned to military precision, but you know me, I don’t do normal, or traditional. Nothing about Spike or me is traditional. I have everything sorted, okay? Marriage license, dress, flowers, all sorted. Trust me. Just be here in an hour. Actually, you now have fifty-six minutes to get ready.”

“Shit. Shit. SHIT. Oh my god, Lottie, I’m so happy for you, babe.” Her voice wobbles and I shake my head, wondering how she’s going to compose herself at the actual ceremony if she’s started to get emotional already. “You’re getting married.”

“Yes. I’m getting married,” I answer, smiling from my head to my toes.

She sighs, “I love you, Lottie. I’m so happy for you and Spike.”

“Thanks, babe. I love you too. And Ari?”

“Yes?”

“Fifty-five,” I giggle, knowing just how much she’s going to be panicking right now.

“Shit. Okay, I’m going. Oh, do you need me to bring anything, shoes, flowers?” she asks hurriedly.

“Nope. Just you and D.”

“You know I’m cursing you for making me rush my choice of attire right now?” I hear clothes hangers being scraped across rails and she huffs down the phone line.

“Well, I’ll be cursing you if you’re not here in time.”

“I’ll be there, don’t you worry about that.”

“Good.”

“Bye Lottie. You’re getting married!” she screams before I hang up on her knowing that she has so much to say to me, and if I don’t cut her off she definitely won’t get here in time.

Spike looks up at me and grins widely. “You’re still good with this? I mean, if you want to wait”

“I don’t want to wait,” I silence him with my answer. I slide my cell into the back pocket of my jeans and place both my hands on his knees before bending down so my face is just inches from his. “There’s no doubt in my mind that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. There never was.”

“It’s not always going to be easy,” he grimaces.

“I know. It wasn’t always easy before the accident,” I shrug.

My life has never been easy. His physical disability doesn’t faze me. In fact, it’s made me realize just how lucky I am to still have him in my life. I nearly lost him. He was nearly taken from me and a more powerful reasoning kept him on this earth and I refuse to waste another minute.

“We haven’t even talked about where we will live and,” he looks down and sighs deeply, “What about children, Lottie? We haven’t talked about any of this. What if I can’t … you know.”

I wish there was something I could do to make him see just how simple it is in my eyes. “Do you want children, Spike?” I ask quietly. He shakes his head before lifting his eyes to mine.

“I always thought we would have three or four children. I imagined we would have a big house out of the city with a tree house and a swing set in the yard. But now, I don’t even know if that’s a possibility for us.”

I shake my head out of frustration. “I want to marry you. You, Preston King. I don’t want to marry you for what you can give me. All I need from you is your love. Anything after that is a bonus. Now, are we going to stand here talking about ‘what ifs’ or are we going to go and pick up my dress and your suit and go and get married?”

His pained ‘boy lost’ expression melts away and the look in his eyes softens. “I love you, Lottie Miller.”

“Lucky that. Seeing as we are getting married in less than forty-five minutes.” I grin, a huge, face splitting grin.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath. “Let’s get going, wife-to-be.”

Why is it that time moves as fast as lightning when you have so much to cram in to a few small minutes? Dress, suit, rings and flowers, all collected in twenty minutes, leaving just twenty (give or take a few, as I can always be fashionably late) minutes for me to get dressed. And now as I stand in front of the full length mirror, I can hardly believe how far we’ve come. The picture that stares back at me is a wonder after the rollercoaster we’ve ridden to get here. It’s been one hell of a ride. A knock at the door snaps me out of my reverie. “I’m coming,” I call out before taking one last look in the mirror. I smooth down the front of my dress before opening the door.

“Oh my god. Lottie!” Arianna greets me with a squeal. “You’re getting married. You’re really doing it!”

“Yep. We’re really doing it.”

“You look gorgeous. You’d look gorgeous in a paper bag, but you look stunning. Spike is a lucky guy.”

I laugh, twirling around so she can see the whole dress. I chose a pastel blue, retro, sixties style dress, with a corseted bodice. Spike knows I don’t conform to the norm, and this occasion is no exception. The dress feels very Alice in Wonderland. Very fairytale. Very happily ever after.

“You like it?” I ask.

“I love it! It’s so you. I still can’t believe you’re getting married today, in a few minutes. Are you sure about this? You don’t want to wait and plan and” She rushes to get the words out, knowing that time is ticking away faster than ever.

“No,” I answer definitively and without hesitation. “I don’t want to wait. Not a month, or a week, or even a day. This is what I’ve wanted since Spike and I met. It’s always been him.”

“I know it has.” She steps forward and takes my hands in hers. “You’re so perfect for each other. I just wanted to give you the option.”

“Thanks, but I’ve never wanted anything more.”

She releases my hands and flings her arms around my neck. “I’m so happy for you. We’re actually going to be officially related now!”

“That clearly means there’s no getting away from you,” I say dryly, rolling my eyes in jest.

“Yep. You’re stuck with me.” She releases her tight monkey grip.

“Well, that’s good, because I want you to be my best woman.” She gasps and clasps her hand over her mouth and her eyes start to glisten. Good thing I have tissues at the ready. “My dad obviously isn’t around any more to give me away, and my mom probably couldn’t care less if I’m getting married or doing a sky dive, so that just leaves the next most important person in my life bar Spike,” I chirp nonchalantly.

“Of course I’ll give you away.” Her words burst out with a sob.

“You’re the best friend a girl could ask for, Ari. I love you.” I kiss her on the cheek and her bottom lip starts to quiver.

“I love you, too,” she cries, grabbing a tissue from me and blowing her nose loudly. “Ugh, you guys are going to ruin my makeup, I just know it.” She takes a deep breath, composing herself and I laugh. “Okay. You ready for this, babe?”

“You bet. Oh, shoes. I need my shoes.” I grab my heels from the box and slip my feet in to them. Ari comes to stand next to me and holds out her arm for me to link with mine.

“Let’s go.” She marches forward, taking me with her and the butterflies take up flight in my stomach. Not because I’m having doubts or second thoughts, there’s nothing I want more, but I’m so excited, and the happiness that I feel at the prospect of marrying Spike is quite overwhelming, even for a badass like me.

We make our way up to the private balcony on level 112. It’s as high up in the clouds as you can get in Las Vegas, and I can’t imagine a more perfect setting for us. The elevator opens and I see Spike immediately. He has his back to me, with Denham, Tara, who’s dressed in bike leathers ready to take off after we’ve tied the knot, and their mom, Dana, all standing by his side. The minister, who stands directly in front of Spike, smiles when he sees me and Arianna come out on to the balcony, and Denham grins and flashes Ari a wink before nudging Spike with his elbow. It takes a second for him to lift his bowed head, and he turns in his chair slowly. It feels surreal, like it’s all happening in slow motion and by the time he’s fully turned and looking directly at me, I have tears rolling down my cheeks. His lower lip quivers as he smiles and holds out his hand. I glance up at Ari who walks me forward and happily unlinks my arm with hers, taking my hand to give to Spike.

My skin is ablaze with feeling, my eyes full of happy tears, and heart is bursting with love. I’m surrounded by the only people that matter to me. My family. My future.

The minister speaks in a dulcet tone, putting everyone at ease, and pulling us together with his words about eternity and family. He recites the legalities then gives me a nod to tell me that the next part is all mine.

“Wait,” I say, and I feel everyone tense around us which makes me laugh. “These have to come off.” I slip off my shoes and kick them to the side of us. Standing barefoot in front of Spike, meeting his eyes, level, equal, it feels right. With my hands joined with Spike’s and our gazes locked, I swallow hard before the words come.

“When we first met, I thought you were crazy. I know what you’re thinking, I’m the crazy one in this relationship. But to put up with me, you have to be mental, right?” This draws a laugh from everyone around us, but I stay locked on Spike, his gentle gaze, his handsome face. “You know me better than anyone else in the world and somehow, you still manage to love me. You are my best friend, my one true love, and there is still a part of me that cannot believe that I’m the one who gets to marry you. I love you, Spike. I’ve always loved you and there’s nothing in this world that could change that. I promise to hold your hand every night, and always make sure you know how much I love you. Through whatever obstacles we might encounter, I promise to be by your side, always.” My words come through a wall of tears, and I know my makeup will be ruined, but I don’t care. Spike lets go of one of my hands to wipe tears from my cheek with his thumb.

“Don’t cry, baby,” he whispers, fighting to hold back the tears in his own eyes.

“I love you, Lottie. So damn much, it actually hurts. I thought I couldn’t be enough for you. I thought I couldn’t give you all the important things in life, to be what you needed from a man, from a husband. But you made me realize that all we need is our love. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m going to spend every day showing you how happy you’ve made me. We’ve got a lifetime to look forward to, and if I know you at all, it’ll be a crazy ride.” I laugh, sniffing tears back and wiping my cheek with the back of my hand. “Say goodbye to yesterday, Lotts, and look to tomorrow. I can’t wait to see what our future holds together. We see the same sky. You were right. We are Lovestrong.”

There’s not a dry eye in the house as we exchange rings. It’s the most beautiful moment in my life. I don’t know how we got lucky enough to find each other in this world. But I do know that we are meant to be. The finer details of our future may be uncertain, but we have each other and that’s worth everything.

“You may kiss the bride,” the minister announces as everyone cheers. Spike pulls me into his lap and I pull his face to mine, pressing my lips against his, solidifying my vows, and promising to love him forever.