Текст книги "Three Broken Promises"

Автор книги: Monica Murphy

Соавторы: Monica Murphy
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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Loved.

Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe I’m projecting my own feelings onto him, but I feel so completely connected to him in this very moment. As if he understands me and I understand him. That we’re able to toss aside all past hurts and mistakes and are both finally ready to focus on the here and now.

Wishful thinking, I suppose, since I know it’s not true. But I can’t help it.

And when he moves inside me so deep, deeper, until he’s a complete and total part of me, my orgasm slowly takes over, washing over my skin, through my veins, pulsing through my bones. It feels like an awakening. A realization. My breath lodges in my throat, my belly flutters, and my heart threatens to leap out of my chest.

I’ve never felt so lost, so found, so utterly . . . confused.

So fitting. I’ve been confused when it comes to Colin since the day I met him.

“I hate that I’m taking part in this,” Fable whispers to me when I meet her at the curb in front of Colin’s house. She’d driven Drew’s truck over to pick me up. I’d texted her hours ago, basically begging her to do it. She agreed, no questions asked, but now she’s balking. Can I blame her? It’s five in the morning, the sun isn’t even up yet, and I’m leaving like a thief in the night.

For good.

“Well, I really appreciate you taking part in this because I don’t know how I’d get out of here otherwise.” I throw my one suitcase into the backseat of Drew’s extended-cab truck and climb into the passenger seat, looking at Fable expectantly. “You ready to go?”

She’s sitting in the driver’s seat, looking exceptionally tiny in such a huge vehicle, her small hands gripping the steering wheel. Her long blond hair is piled on top of her head in a sloppy bun and her sleepy-looking face is devoid of makeup, but she’s still beautiful. She wears Old Navy sweats and a T-shirt, fake Uggs covering her feet. I’m wearing almost the same damn thing in different colors, though I don’t bother pointing out that we’re practically twinsies.

Now is not the time for cutesy-type stuff. I need to make my escape. And Fable is uncomfortable enough already with the situation.

“You should tell him you’re leaving,” she blurts out, her imploring eyes meeting mine. “It’s the least you can do.”

“I left him a note.” I tear my gaze away from hers, staring at the dark, quiet house. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, walking away from him. Leaving his bed while he lay there sleeping peacefully . . . I’d wanted to slip right back beneath the covers and hold him close. Never let him go.

But I didn’t. I had to go. It was best for both of us.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

“A note is a really chicken-shit thing to do,” Fable says softly. “Trust me, I hate notes. It’s much better to pour out your feelings to someone in person.”

“You love Drew’s poems,” I point out. “And he’s always pouring his heart out in those.” A big, buff football player with a romantic heart, the guy is downright swoon-worthy.

My overprotective, sort-of-demanding Colin is swoon-worthy too. I just refuse to think about him like that any longer. It’s too hard. My heart hurts, I miss him so much.

And I haven’t even left him yet.

“Yeah, I love his poems now. But when he first left me, he left behind a note that both broke my very soul and filled me with so much hope that I knew he’d come back to me.” She smiles, but it’s sad. “He didn’t.”

“What?” I’m incredulous. “What are you talking about?” I thought they were perfect for each other. That they had the perfect relationship. Yeah, I knew they had some trouble and things were rocky at first, but I had no idea he’d bailed on her and didn’t come back.

“Remember that night when the frat boys were having the party and Drew was there? And he almost got into a fight with that one asshole?” Fable shudders at the memory.

“Yeah, of course I remember.” That had been quite the drama-filled evening. It had also brought Fable and me closer together. I realized then that she could become my friend.

And she did. She’s now my very best friend and I’m leaving her, too.

“That was the first night I saw him after over two months,” Fable admits.

Here I thought their relationship was the ideal we should all aspire to. “Fable, I had no idea . . .”

She waves a hand, dismissing my words, clearly uncomfortable with my sympathy. “Yeah, yeah. It was a mess, but eventually we figured everything out and made it work, so look at us now. We’re getting married.”

Jealousy clutches at my heart, makes me wish I could have that easy acceptance from Colin, but I know it’s never going to happen. He will forever hold what I did in the past against me. I can’t blame him.

I hold it against me too.

“Whatever he did,” she says softly, breaking through my thoughts, “whatever you’ve done, none of it matters if you love each other enough.”

I really hate when she pulls the mind-reader stuff. “I wish I could believe that,” I mutter resentfully. “You make it sound so easy.”

“It is easy when you face all your problems together. Easier, I should say. Fighting your battles separately won’t work. Trust me. The battles just grow larger and longer.”

“Please don’t lecture me and try to keep me here,” I whisper, my voice nothing but a ragged rasp. “We need to go, Fable. Now. He might wake up and realize I’m gone.”

Her lips disappearing into a thin line, she shifts the truck into drive and pulls away from the sidewalk, driving slowly through the neighborhood I’ve lived in for little over a year. Tears threaten as I stare at the houses that we pass by and I don’t hold them back, letting them flow freely down my cheeks.

“Why, Jen?” Fable’s sad voice makes me turn and look at her. “Why are you leaving when you so clearly don’t want to? What’s so bad about this place, huh? You have me, you have Drew, you have everyone who works at The District, and you have Colin. We all support you and care about you. So why won’t you stay?”

I rub the back of my neck, my fingers tracing over the stupid, beautiful tattoo. Colin cares for me. Perhaps he even loves me. Can he accept what happened? What I did? I don’t know. We may have had sex and shared a beautiful moment together, but we didn’t talk about anything.

Before I give myself—and my heart—to Colin completely, I need to make sure he’s ready. And I don’t think he’s there yet.

So it’s best to get it over with now, right? Leave him before he can really break my heart . . .

“There’s more going on than you know,” I admit to Fable, my voice shaky, my stomach roiling. I feel sick; I’ve hardly eaten anything since lunch yesterday and I think I might puke. Closing my eyes briefly, I try to stop the tears, searching for some sort of inner strength. “I’ve done things in my past I’m not proud of.”

“I thought he knew you were a stripper?” she asks gently.

Nodding, I brush at the tears still streaming down my cheeks. “There’s other stuff, too. Bad stuff I couldn’t tell you.” I take a deep, shuddering breath. “Really bad stuff, Fable. You might hate me for it. I know he does.”

Fable pulls over the truck and puts it into park, then turns to look at me. “Whatever you’ve done, I don’t care. It will never, ever bother me because you’re my friend and I will never judge you. You can choose to tell me all about it or keep it your secret—I totally understand and respect your decision.” She pauses, her gaze gentling, so full of genuine concern it makes me want to cry harder. Just collapse in her arms and absorb some of her strength for awhile. “But if you want to talk about it, I’m here for you. I want you to know that.”

I nod, hardly able to speak, too overcome by her kind and easy acceptance. “I—I let men pay me money for sex,” I blurt out, needing to tell her, needing to get everything off my chest.

She doesn’t blink, doesn’t react whatsoever, though I see sympathy fill her gaze. “Oh Jen . . .”

“I know, right? I’m nothing but a whore. Not that I got paid for having intercourse with anyone, but I handed out blow jobs for cash.” I shake my head, disgusted at the words, at the realization of what I’ve done. I cheapened myself. Sold my body like a common slut. I’m so ashamed, I wish I could crawl inside a hole and never, ever come out.

“You did what you had to do, I’m sure.” Fable reaches for me over the center console and I go to her, letting her envelop me in a hug. She holds me close, patting my back, making soothing noises as I start to cry in earnest on her shoulder. I can’t believe I’m falling apart like this. Talk about embarrassing.

But it also feels good. Liberating. This secret has boiled within me for so long, I thought I might burst. I believed I could forget all about it. Just push the dirty memories from my mind and pretend it never happened.

It did happen, though. I can’t forget it. Everyone thinks I’m good, sweet, and kind Jen, but I’m not. I’m a fraud.

“I don’t know how Colin found out, but he knew everything. Everything.” My voice chokes up and I shake my head. “God, I hated the way he looked at me. Like I was the most disgusting thing on this planet.”

“I doubt that. I’ve seen the way he looks at you and it’s more like you’re the sexiest, most beautiful woman on this planet in his eyes,” Fable says. “He loves you, Jen. He has to. I’m sure he can look past your mistakes and forgive you.”

“Yeah, well, I doubt that,” I mutter, wishing what Fable said were true.

But wishes are for fools. So I guess I’m one of them.

Chapter 22

Colin

“She’s gone, and I think you know where she went,” I growl into my cell phone, not giving a shit who might hear me. “So you’d better fuckin’ tell me.”

I’m at work, the place is bustling, and I’m hiding out in my office, seeking privacy though I keep the door wide open. Maybe one of my employees will overhear me and offer up some information about Jen. I have my suspicions. I’m guessing she fled to Sacramento early, but I want confirmation.

And then I want to go to Sac and find her so I can bring her back here. To her home, where she belongs.

With me.

“Don’t you dare curse at me, Colin. I know you’re my boss, but that gives you no right to talk to me like that.” Fable sighs, sounding completely put out that I’m calling her, but I really don’t give a shit. “Listen, it’s my day off and I don’t have time to deal with you right now. I’m exhausted. Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow.”

She’s being just as rude as I am. I can tell when she’s trying to avoid something and she is most definitely trying to avoid me. The little sneak. She knows everything—I can feel it in my bones. “Did you help her leave this morning?”

Finding Jen gone, her stuff packed up and her bedroom empty, made me lose my shit. As in, I threw a framed picture of Danny and me against the wall, the glass shattering all over the floor. I’d felt only a hint of satisfaction at destroying something before the remorse kicked in.

And the sadness. Then the anger.

Jesus, I really know how to fuck things up.

Fable is silent for so long I’m afraid she hung up, until she finally says one, simple word.

“Yes.”

Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere. “Tell me where you took her, Fable. I need to know. I need to find her.”

“Why, so you can chase her down and force her to come back to work for you after you fired her? Pretend that everything is exactly the same? Because it’s so not and you know it.” She pauses. “I know what she told you, Colin. What she did. She admitted everything to me. And you’re being a complete jackass for not accepting her in spite of it. It shouldn’t matter. It’s all a part of her past. You need to forget about it and focus on the present.”

Damn it, she sounds just like Danny in my dream. I know Fable is right, but I can’t help myself. It both breaks my heart and fills me with uncontrollable rage, what Jen’s done. How she cheapened herself when she’s worth so much more. “I know. You’re right,” I murmur. “So if I’m going to accept what happened and fight to bring her back here, I need to know where she is. I need you to tell me.”

“I took her to the bus station,” Fable admits grudgingly, her voice soft. “She was going to Sacramento. She got it all arranged with her new roomie and she’s moving in early.”

Just as I thought, but I need more. “And where does her new roommate live? What part of the city?”

“That I’m not sure. She mentioned Citrus Heights, I think, but I don’t know. One of those suburbs out there that’s close to Sacramento. That’s as far as it went, though, information-wise.”

“And what about her address? Did you get that?” It’s a long shot, but I have to ask.

“No.” Fable sighs. “I told her to text me when she got there and she said she would, but she hasn’t. And she should’ve been there by now.”

Worry claws at my throat. Jen bought a new cell; she’d picked it up yesterday afternoon before work. I already tried to call her. Text her. Multiple times. I left her a few pleading, desperate voice-mail messages. She hasn’t responded to any of them. And that stupid, useless note she left on my pillow, for the love of God, had been nothing. Just remembering it pisses me off.

Thank you for everything you did for me. You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. I’ll miss you.

Take care,

Jen

She signed it fucking Take care. What the hell? I don’t even merit a Love, Jen. She didn’t even acknowledge me by name.

“Have you talked to her? She hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts,” I say, running a hand through my hair.

“I’ve tried. She hasn’t answered my calls or texts either.” She sounds downright exasperated. Great. The feeling’s mutual. “I’m worried too, you know. I didn’t want to take her to the bus station. I tried my best to convince her to stay.”

I know Fable’s telling the truth. She didn’t want Jen to leave either. “Let me know if you hear from her, okay? And I’ll do the same for you.”

“Okay. Yeah, that sounds good.” She sighs. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Colin. I’m just worried about her.”

“So am I.” I hang up before I say something really stupid and pitiful, glancing up at my open doorway to find my dad standing there, looking almost afraid to come inside.

Great. He’s the absolute last person I want to see. “Weren’t you leaving to go see Mom?” I ask.

Chuckling, he enters the room and settles into one of the chairs that sit across from my desk. “I’m taking off later today. She’s working.”

I lift my brows. Well. That’s news to me. “Where at?”

“The diner in the next town over. You know, the one that your Jennifer Cade used to work at?” How the hell he knows this stuff about Jen is beyond me. It’s like the guy keeps up on the small-town gossip even long after he’s gone. “That’s what your mother told me, at least.”

Ah, well that makes more sense. Mom always did like Jen. “I’m still mad at you.” I decide to be forthright with him and not beat around the bush. A new thing for me, since I’m usually all about avoiding confrontation.

He blows out a harsh breath. “You needed to know, son. It’s best you have all the facts when you’re dealing with a woman. You don’t want to end up like me and your mother.”

That’s the damn truth. Funny thing is, though, even after I learned the truth, I’m realizing that I still want Jen. That I’m in love with her and will do whatever it takes to get her back into my life.

“Did she admit to everything?” he asks when I don’t speak.

I nod. I really don’t want to have this discussion with him, so I don’t go into too much detail. “I was mad at first. Freaked out. We got in a big fight and she moved out of my place this morning before I even woke up.”

“Huh. Well, that was easy, wasn’t it? You got rid of her with no fuss, no muss.”

I grit my teeth together, holding back the angry words I want to hurl at him. The man is completely dense. No wonder he drives my mother insane. “I want her back.”

“What?” His eyes practically bug out of his head. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“I’m not,” I say flatly, clearing my throat. I’m about to admit something major and I don’t want him to pass judgment. “I’m in love with her.”

He chuckles. Of course he does, the asshole. “You’re crazy. Crazy, just like your mother. Always looking for trouble and finding it real easy.”

“Sounds like you too, you know,” I bite out.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I like a little trouble now and again myself.” He sits up straighter, his expression going blank. “Speaking of that, I wanted to talk to you about that San Francisco location and the loan you promised . . .”

I didn’t promise him shit, but I’m not going to press that point. “Forget San Francisco, Dad. I’m not doing it. I have my hands full and I’m perfectly content staying here.” I eye him carefully. “You didn’t already sign any papers, did you?” Please tell me he didn’t.

“No, I was waiting for your okay.” He sighs and leans back in his chair. “I knew you were going to refuse me. We could’ve made a lot of money together.”

“Yeah, well, maybe someday, but not now.” I want him out of my office. I need to be alone with my thoughts. I need to figure out how I’m going to get to Jen.

“Uh, how about that loan though, son? I need some money to get me through. I have a few things pending, payments due, and I need a little help.” He looks decidedly uncomfortable, which I’m thankful for. If this came too easy for him, I’m afraid he’d soon be constantly asking me for money.

“Sure. I can do it.” He helped me so much early on, though it always came with conditions. And it definitely hadn’t been easy. We tried to work together but we’re like oil and water. We just don’t mix well.

Opening up a desk drawer, I pull out the company checkbook, then grab a pen. “How much do you need?”

“One hundred thousand dollars.”

My pen skids across the check I’m about to write at the staggering amount that just fell from his lips. I glance up at him. “Are you fucking serious?”

He nods, his expression miserable. “You’re going to think I’m a fucking fool, but I got some thugs breathing down my neck. Gambling debt I owe from way back. I gotta pay it by Monday and or I’m in deep shit.”

“Sounds like you’re already in deep shit,” I say, setting the pen down and leaning back in my chair. I run my fingers through my hair, clutching it tight for a moment before I release it. How does he always end up in these risky situations? He grew up spoiled and turned reckless at an early age. The man likes living on the edge. He always has. I had no idea he had a gambling problem, though. “Hell, I really don’t have that kind of money to spare.”

“Come on, Colin. I’d do it for you,” he pleads.

Ouch, thanks for the guilt. Love you too, Dad. Not that I’d ever deny him, but hell. That’s a lot of money.

“Yeah, things might get a little tight for you for a bit, but you always bounce back. I know it. You’re a Wilder.” He grins, his over-bleached teeth seeming to glow. “We’re just alike. I know you’re raking it in here. And you have your new restaurant opening up soon. That’s going to be a huge success—I don’t doubt it for one minute.”

Shit. I really do have that kind of money to loan him, but what he’s asking for is no loan. I’ll never get one dime of it back. “How about fifty,” I offer.

The unmistakable disappointment etched across his face isn’t easy to ignore. “I guess that’ll work. I’ll take what I can get. Maybe they’ll only break one of my legs instead of both.”

I write him a check for seventy-five, because I’m a sucker and he’s my dad. If he’s really involved with guys who’ll physically hurt him, I could never live with myself if they really did break his legs.

Tearing the check off, I hand it to him, then see his face go from disappointed to relieved in an instant. “Thanks, son. I’ll pay it back as soon as I can,” he says.

Sure he will.

“I have to ask a favor from you, though,” I say as I watch him fold the check and put it in the pocket of his button-down shirt.

“Anything,” he says eagerly. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

“I need you to help me locate Jen.” I ignore his flabbergasted look. “Use your wily ways and track her down. I know you can do it. You can dig up information on anyone and anything.”

“But I’m leaving in less than an hour,” he whines.

I silence him with a look. “You owe me. I’ll give you the other twenty-five if you find her.”

Ah, greed always talks when it comes to Con Wilder. It usually talks to me too, as loath as I am to admit it. “Well, now you’re talkin’.”

I barely restrain from rolling my eyes. “Find her in the next few hours and that twenty-five thousand is yours.” I can’t believe I’m essentially paying him to find Jen, but a desperate man falls to desperate measures.

And I am beyond desperate to find Jen.

Jen

The bus ride took a lot longer than I thought it would. It felt like we stopped in every single town along the way, which I really think we did. I was stuck on that gross, stinky, hot bus for so long, my phone battery died. Then I realized I’d forgotten to pack my charger. I bet it’s still plugged in at the kitchen counter in Colin’s house.

Talk about a bonehead move. Yet again, I don’t think things through.

Tired, frustrated, and hungry, I finally arrive at the bus station in Sacramento, thankful my new roommate, Angela, is kind enough to come pick me up. I pull my suitcase behind me, my giant purse filled with everything I couldn’t fit in my luggage slung over my arm, when I think I spot her.

Dread fills my gut the moment I see her face. She is the complete opposite of me. Short and curvy, with bright, bleached blond hair and a fake tan, she comes running over to me, a big smile curving her freshly pink-glossed lips.

“You’re Jennifer?” she asks, clapping her hands together like a seal.

Shit. She is way too enthusiastic for her own good. “I am. You must be Angela.”

“It’s so good to finally meet you!” She wraps me in a bear hug, holding me so tight I’m afraid she might suffocate me. I carefully detach myself from her grip, offering her a faint smile in return for her giant grin. “Is that all your stuff? Wow, you pack light.”

“It’s everything I own,” I say, trying to joke but feeling sort of dumb.

“You don’t have a bed or any furniture?”

“Um . . .” My voice trails off and I clutch my purse even closer to my side. Colin made good on his promise and had brought home my final check the night before. Though I’d told him I didn’t want it, I took it anyway. Thank God. I need every single dollar I can get.

You’ll never make it on your own.

I ignore the rude voice in my head.

“Hey, I’ll take you the Goodwill tomorrow, or Target or Walmart. Wherever you want to go—we’ll find you something. You can sleep on the couch tonight. I’ll make sure and warn Roger you’re going to be there.” She giggles as we emerge outside into the parking lot of the bus station, the waning late afternoon sun warm on my skin.

“Who’s Roger?” I ask.

“My boyfriend, silly. He stays over a lot. I hope you don’t mind.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “He’s really nice. I’m sure you two will get along great.”

“No, of course I don’t mind. I bet he’s a great guy,” I say, not really meaning it. I mind like crazy. I had no idea I’d have to deal with a near live-in boyfriend. Just great.

“So hey! I worked earlier today and my boss said she’s looking to hire someone part-time at the store.” Her smile never, ever fades. I wonder if her cheeks hurt. “Would you be interested?”

“Absolutely,” I say, a hint of excitement filling me. I’m not as cheerful as Angela, but maybe if I hang out with her for a bit, my mood will brighten.

Maybe.

“We’ll stop by there tomorrow too, and you can fill out an application.” She stops at a candy-apple-red Volkswagen Bug, clapping her hands together again. Reminding me of an overenthusiastic little kid at her birthday party when she sees all her presents. “This is my car! Let’s get you loaded up.”

Oh. My. God. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle this chick. She’s obnoxious as hell and I have zero tolerance for any bimbos at the moment. Not that she’s a bimbo. I don’t know her at all, so I need to chill.

And I need to remember to be grateful. She came and picked me up from the bus station. I know that was a long drive from her apartment. She might have even found me a job. And she wants to help me find some furniture.

I think this has the potential to really work out. Maybe I can move on and truly forget my past once and for all. Start a new future and finally find that freedom I’ve been so desperately seeking . . .

Hours later, I’ve come to the conclusion that she never, ever stops talking, my new roommate. Angela ordered in Chinese for dinner, enough to feed an overindulging family of eight, and then her boyfriend showed up, all sullen and moody. With the typical boy band, swing-it-constantly-out-of-his-eyes sandy-brown hair and glittery golden eyes. He, on the other hand, doesn’t talk much at all, but I don’t like the way he looks at me.

It gives me the creeps.

Deciding to ignore him, I instead concentrate on Angela, who prattles on and on, telling me essentially her entire life story. I pretend that I’m listening. That I’m not nodding off in the middle of our conversation, trying my best to stay awake. Considering I’ve been up since before five a.m., I’m having a heck of a time.

“You’re tired,” Angela says with a sympathetic look. “Let’s get you a pillow and a blanket and you can crash out on the couch. Sounds good?”

“Yeah.” I nod gratefully, offering her a small smile. “Sounds awesome. I can barely keep my eyes open.”

“I’m boring you with my endless talking.” She flashes the creepy boyfriend a look. “Rodge says I talk too much.”

Rodge is one hundred percent correct, but I’m not about to validate anything he says. He gives me such a bad vibe I don’t know what to think about him. “I don’t mind,” I tell her, neither confirming nor denying her statement. “You’re so sweet to help me out. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“You’re helping me out too, you know. I’ve had a hard time finding a roommate, and Rodge didn’t want to move in. Says I’ll try and take away his independence.” She sends him a withering stare. There’s unmistakable tension between these two and not the good kind. “I think we’re going to make a perfect match.”

I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I’m so damn grateful for her and everything she’s already done for me, I can only nod in agreement. “Yeah,” I say weakly, glaring at Roger when I catch him staring at me. Again. “We’re the perfect match.”