Текст книги "Can't Resist Him"

Автор книги: Molly McLain

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter Eighteen

No matter how she tried to see them—a tribute to life or a celebration of eternal salvation—funerals always gutted Jenny. Add in the Marine honor guard in their dress blues—Brody included—and she’d gone through all of the tissue in her clutch before the priest even began Brody’s grandfather’s graveside service.

She couldn’t look at Brody, standing at attention with the other pallbearers, including Sam. But then she couldn’t look away either. He’d become a stony, emotionless pillar since that morning in his grandparents’ backyard. He’d gone back to Omaha to get some things together for his parents while they stayed with his grandma and, even though she’d offered to go along, he’d refused. He’d tried to blame it on her work schedule, but she knew the truth—he’d needed the time alone.

His distance hurt, but she got it. Grief was a torturous, sometimes relentless bitch and not only was Brody dealing with the loss of his grandfather, but the renewed loss of Ernie and Troy and every other Marine friend he’d had to bury, as well.

Feeling so helpless sucked. Feeling so desperate to do something to get through to him, only to be turned away was nothing she wished upon anyone.

But she wasn’t just anyone. She was a woman who’d become an expert at steeling her resolve. A pro at giving and giving and giving some more. She might have vowed to never offer more to a man than she got back, but that was before Brody, and up until this past week, he’d given her more than she could have ever hoped for.

That’s why when she’d found him on the couch this morning, looking like he hadn’t slept at all, she’d refused to give up.

“You okay?” she’d asked, curling up beside him, sharing her warmth and whatever comfort he’d let her give.

“Yep. Fine.” But his eyes never left the ceiling and, when she pressed a kiss to his shoulder, he didn’t even acknowledge her. Just kept staring off into space, completely wrapped up in whatever was going on in that handsome, conflicted head of his.

He was that man again now, standing a few feet away, his eyes trained on something on the far side of the cemetery. Probably nothing at all. Just that place he had to go to in his head to keep it together. Or block it out. Whatever it was he had to do to make it through.

His Grandmother Caroline did better than any one else at the service. She kept her chin high and she even offered comfort to Lena when she broke down and Brody’s father couldn’t console her. Even when the honor guard presented Caroline with that pristinely folded flag, she stayed strong, shedding but a single tear as she thanked the stoic Marine with a tender pat to his cheek.

Would that be her someday? Receiving Brody’s flag?

God. A hard, painful lump swelled in Jenny’s throat and she bit her lip to keep from crying until she drew blood.

She’d fallen completely in love with him, this amazing, too proud man that had swept in and stolen her heart with his honesty and his flaws and his unrelenting strength. Despite his own fear, he’d given her a pair of comforting arms to fall into that first night in Vegas and so many nights since. They were the same arms she offered him now—and would continue to—no matter how hard he pretended he didn’t need them.

Taps rang through the air making her shiver, the honor guard marched out, and the priest sent Robert Brekowski up to eternal rest with a final petition. She did her best to hold it together when she hugged Lena and Caroline, but when Brody embraced his family, she lost it all over again.

And she was supposed to be his rock? Good Lord.

“You ready to go?” He approached her after he paid his respects and accepted handshakes and hugs of his own. All she could do was nod. Just being here is enough. I don’t need all the perfect words. She wasn’t sure it was true, but she told herself this over and over again.

When Brody finally led her to his truck, he helped her in, but he didn’t talk. Just got behind the wheel and drove them back to his grandparents’ home, where the rest of the family congregated. All neighbors and extended family since Lena was an only child.

“Thank you for being here today,” he finally spoke when they’d parked. “It means a lot. To me and my family.”

She swallowed back her lingering emotion, her hands twisted together in her lap. “I don’t know what to say. I...don’t know how to make this easier for you. Finding you like that this morning...”

He tossed his cover onto the seat between them and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Some shit you can’t fix, Jenn. It’s just gotta run its course. Or not. Who the fuck knows.”

She nodded, lips pressed together. “But I’m here either way. You know that, right?”

His heavy eyes swung her way and he smiled. A weak, unattached sentiment that made her heart ache all the more. “Yeah, babe, I know.”

Did he? She wasn’t convinced. Still, she smiled back, because maybe this was one of those fake it ’till you make it kind of situations. “You look handsome today, in case I haven’t already told you.”

This time the twitch of his lips was genuine, even if that same light didn’t meet his eyes. Reaching for the door, he winked. “Let’s go, sugar, we’ve got potato salad to eat.”

***

He was tearing her apart.

Brody watched Jenny watch him from across the living room. She tried to keep busy, clearing away plates and getting drinks and dessert for his relatives, but her too-alert, too-concerned eyes never strayed far from him. Especially when she thought he wasn’t looking.

She was more than anything he could have ever hoped to find in a woman. A lover. A friend. She had shown him more unconditional affection in their short relationship than most of the family milling about in this tiny house ever had. But for what reward? He was no fucking prize.

He’d been kidding himself and misleading her thinking he was anywhere near ready—or even capable—of being an adequate partner for her. She deserved a man who had his shit together, not some loser who rode his emotions like a bad fucking carnival ride.

This past week...shit. Sleep had been non-existent and not because of the dreams, because Ernie, Troy, and now Gramps were in his head every second of the day anyway. Their voices and faces, laughing and mocking him. Their cold, colorless hands reaching out to grab at him around every corner, desperate to dig their haunting fingers into his flesh and not let go.

He was sliding down that guilt-ridden slope again and this time Jenny rode shotgun.

A smart man would let her go. A considerate man would put as much space between them as possible.

But a man as lost as he was? He held on to the lifeline she gave him because without her, he’d drown in a second.

***

They arrived in River Bend just before dark, the hour drive from North Platte feeling like it took days. Brody hadn’t said more than a few sentences and even the coffee he’d been chugging couldn’t mask the exhaustion that had settled into his shoulders.

When he pulled into her driveway, Jenny gave a mental sigh of relief. Maybe he’d finally sleep tonight. Maybe she would, too.

“You did good today,” she said softly when he shut down the engine. “I’m proud of you.”

He pulled the keys from the ignition and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “It’s what I do, Jenn. So many times now, it’s become routine.”

She didn’t believe that for a second and not just because they’d buried his grandfather this morning. Still, it wasn’t a debate that really mattered, and his body language said he’d clam up completely if she pushed for more intense conversation right now.

“Let’s go inside.” Touching his forearm across the console, she tried for a reassuring smile. He was a mess, she was a mess, and together it felt like they teetered on the edge of something more precarious than either had the strength to deal with right now. But still...she wouldn’t give up. “I’ll make something quick for dinner and we can climb into bed early. It’s been a long day.”

He nodded and they both got out, moving slow. He offered his hand as she climbed the front steps after him and something about him standing there at her door in his dress uniform hit her hard. Like a punch directly to her breastbone, taking the air from her lungs.

“You okay?” He frowned and his hand closed around hers, the rough skin of his thumb smoothing over her knuckles.

She nodded even as her steps faltered and a sob rose up in her throat. “Yeah. Totally.”

“Babe...” He came back down, lifting his hands and curling them around her shoulders. But it wasn’t the gentle touch she’d come accustomed to from Brody. There was no tenderness in his eyes. Just...disconnect. Like he was going through the motions, and that scared her more than anything they’d been through this past week. She’d been down this road before. Too many times. She wanted to fight, but there was that fear in the back of her mind that wouldn’t let go...

“I’m fine. Really. Just...tired.” She squeezed his hand and pasted on a smile.

Once inside, he excused himself to the bedroom to shed his uniform while she kicked off her heels and pulled leftovers from the fridge. Thank God for emotional eating this past week, because she had a little bit of everything to pick from. Meatloaf, chicken salad, rice, mashed potatoes... By the time Brody returned, wearing a pair of satin basketball shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt, she had a plate heaped and ready for him.

“Jesus, woman. Where did you find all of this?” He took the plate and a seat on the other side of the island, elbows on the counter and ready to dig in.

“I cook when I’m upset.” She lifted a shoulder and tied her hair up before joining him.

“It’s been a rough week. I’m sorry I haven’t been great company.” He stirred his food around more than he actually ate, but she was happy with the few bites that made it to his mouth.

“You really don’t need to apologize. I understand. It was hard when I lost my Gran a few years back. She was like a second parent to me.”

“It’s more than that, though.”

“I know.” She pressed her lips together and nodded. “I get that, too.”

“I’m just...” Brody pushed his plate away and balled his fists on the countertop. “So fucking pissed, you know? I hate how this has all gone down. That there’s not a damn thing I can do to change it.”

Yep. Got that, too. Life wasn’t fair, but somehow she didn’t think reminding him of that would help. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish there was something I could do...”

“You’ve done plenty.” He turned his head toward her and, for a second, soft emotion replaced the stormier version of late. She shivered. There’s my man. “But this is going to get worse before it gets better, you know that, right?”

She set down her fork and took a careful breath. “I had a feeling.”

“I need you to be ready for that.”

She nodded and covered one of his hands with hers. “Your girlfriend’s a pretty badass chick, Superman. Maybe you haven’t noticed.”

His shoulders shook as he chuckled. “I’ve noticed. Believe me.”

“Good. So you should know I can handle whatever it is you’re holding inside.”

The thunderous haze in his eyes went even darker and ripples of anticipation fluttered in her belly. “Be careful what you ask for, sugar.”

She cocked an eyebrow. She was playing with fire, but at least Brody was communicating. “Is that a warning or a promise?”

“Both.” He voice dropped an octave and his eyes fell to the low neckline of her simple black dress. “You done eating?”

“I think so. You?”

He gave his head a brief shake, before pushing the plates off to the other side of the counter. She gasped as the porcelain crashed against the floor and louder again when he hoisted her up in their place.

“Nope, babe. I haven’t even started yet.” His fingers slid up the outside of her thighs, until he reached the bands of her panties and—snap!—twisted them free.

“You’re awfully destructive tonight.” She wet her lips and prayed that hungry, wild-eyed look on his face meant what she thought it did.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet. Hope you’re really as tough as you claim to be.” He dropped to the stool again and—oh, God, yes—positioned himself between her legs. He kissed the inside of one thigh and the delicious scrape of his evening stubble had her hips lifting off the island. “Uh uh, sugar.” One big arm hooked around her leg, he pushed her pelvis back down. “Tonight we play by my rules.”

His rules? When had he developed rules?

“Pull the top of your dress down. Bra, too.”

Um...okay. Like...?

“Don’t be shy, Jenn.” He looked up at her with a feral, crooked smile. “You know you’re beautiful. You know I love your tits.”

Ohhhh! His words hit her like he’d leaned in for a lick. Her sex went hot and any second now he’d see the evidence.

He grinned as she loosened one sleeve and then the other, doing as he’d asked. Or rather...demanded. “Good girl. For that, you’ll be rewarded.” Then he dipped his head and tasted her for real. Slow and deliberately torturous, taking his time sweeping from the bottom of her slit all the way to the top where she wanted him the most. When he finally hit that spot, barely teasing his tongue around her clit, she cried out.

She abandoned the work on the top of her dress in favor of fisting his hair, but that only lasted a few seconds before he looked up at her with smoky eyes and pulled his mouth away, his lips damp.

“Tits out, babe. I wanna see you touch yourself.”

Jesus. “I hate you.”

“You fucking love me, and you’re gonna love me even more when I’m through with you.” With that, he lifted her up and slid her ass closer to the edge of the counter. She yelped and yanked down the cups of her bra, desperate for more of whatever he had in mind. “Ah, now you’re catching on.”

How could she not? He was planted between her legs, his tongue just millimeters away from giving her an incredible orgasm. All other thoughts...all other worries...melted away to nothing but the two of them in that moment.

She’d do anything for him and if distracting himself with sex was what he needed, so be it. She leaned back on one hand and used the other to cup one breast and stroke her soft nipple into a hard peak. It felt good. Better because, as he watched her fingers play, he’d begun to play himself. He slipped a finger inside and spread her moisture over her clit, only to lean in and suck it off, over and over again, like he couldn’t get enough.

When he growled his approval, her clit between his lips, she saw stars. Fucking stars. How did she deserve this man who got off on making her happy just as much as he got off on coming himself?

Realization blindsided her like headlights coming out of nowhere in the middle of the night.

This was the real deal, wasn’t it? Her and Brody.

Neither of them were perfect. Neither of them had a clue what the right move was, but just the same, neither was willing to give up trying. Together, they shared a single-minded determination to make the other happy, no matter the cost. Two imperfect people who saw through each other’s scratchy surfaces to the real gems inside.

She flew with that newfound knowledge lighting her up from the inside out. Brody wasn’t just her person...

He was her forever.

And she’d fight to the death for him.

Chapter Nineteen

She was too damn good for him. He’d known it from the beginning, but she sealed the deal tonight when she set aside all the worry in her pretty head and let him have his way with her.

She was giving him exactly what she’d sworn she’d never given another man, but yet she’d handed it to him on silver fucking platter, right alongside her heart. He should’ve given it back. Told her to save that part of herself for someone who wouldn’t use her, because that’s exactly what he was doing right now. Using her to pretend he wasn’t as messed up as they both knew he was.

But he didn’t tell her that. Nor did he pretend he didn’t see the truth in her eyes as he carried her to the bedroom, tumbled them onto the bed, and stripped that pretty dress from her body.

She felt for him what he felt for her and when all hell broke loose—because it would...he could already see it on the horizon—that affection would destroy her. Just like it would destroy him.

“Take me like you want me tonight,” she whispered, her fingers soft against his lips as he shed his clothes and levered down above her. “I can handle it.”

Probably. But if he let loose entirely, it wouldn’t be pretty. He wouldn’t taint her with that side of himself. Not now, maybe not ever.

“Brody, look at me...” She shifted his chin so she could look in his eyes and what he saw in hers nearly broke him. “I’m yours. Every bit of me. Always.”

She said that now, but she had no idea the shit he was capable of.

“I’m not some fragile flower. You’ve got something to work out, work it out on me. Please.”

Fucking hell. “Jenn...” He glanced away, but she jerked his face back around, her fingers digging into his jaw. That’s when he saw the tears in her eyes. Saw the full magnitude of what she was offering and how desperate she was to give it.

“Fuck me,” she begged. “Own me.”

His cock throbbed against his stomach, craving exactly that. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“The hell I don’t.” She reached down and wrapped her hand around his dick, tugging hard. He growled and ground his hips into hers.

“Keep jerking me like that, babe, and you’ll bring out the monster.”

A wicked grin slashed across her face and she squeezed him until it fucking hurt. Of course, that just made him harder and, in a second, he had her knees at her ears, his cock poised at her pussy.

“You like fucking with me, sugar?” He slid the tip of his dick inside, just to taunt her.

“I love fucking with you,” she said, enunciating every syllable, using her muscles to try and urge him in further. He resisted. Barely. Instead, he pulled out and slapped his piercing against her clit. She gasped, her eyes never leaving his. “Do it again.”

“No. This is my show, remember?” To prove his point, he shifted back and flipped her onto her stomach, the delicate nodules of her spine leading him like a trail of bread crumbs to her perfect, heart-shaped ass. Kneeing his way between her legs, he spread her open before him. The light from the hall hit her sex just right, the evidence of how wet she was for him glistening in the darkness. Fucking beautiful. Every last bit of her.

“Is that what you want?” She lifted slightly, wiggling those glorious cheeks back at him and rubbing against his cock as she did.

Yeah, he’d have her ass someday. But not tonight. Not entirely anyhow.

Still, he reached back and grabbed the lube from the nightstand, drizzling it between her cheeks and then using his fingers to make sure she was really ready for him. He was inside a second later, buried to hilt in the hottest pussy he’d ever had. But with Jenny, he’d never be deep enough.

Maybe she thought the same, because she pushed up on her hands and began to rear back with every punishing thrust. She was still too far away for his liking, so he fisted her hair, pulled her all the way up, and kissed her, swallowing the sexy little sounds she made when he slammed in hard.

“More,” she panted against his lips. “Harder.”

Christ, she was unreal, and exactly what he needed right now. Winding her hair tighter around his fist, he jerked back and her cry became a long, low moan as he bit at her pretty neck and then licked the pain away.

With his free hand, he guided her fingers to her clit and showed her how he wanted her to touch herself—hard and direct—because it wasn’t going to take him long at all. At least not once he took what he really wanted.

“More, babe? You sure?” he rasped in her ear as he withdrew and then slid in so fast, she came off the bed with a gasp and a plea.

“Dammit, Brody, please!”

He grinned into the curve of her shoulder and covered the small of her back with his hand, thumb down. With every slow, drawn out millimeter he shifted the digit downward, she melted a little more in his arms.

“Yes, baby,” she whimpered, her entire body trembling with need. “Do it.”

So he did. With every slap of his damp skin against hers, he thumbed her puckered hole, until her pussy clenched around him tight. Then he slipped inside just enough to make her launch. She pushed back all on her own, taking more of him than he’d intended to give and it was too fucking much, seeing his thumb disappear inside of her while she milked his cock like the greedy little vixen she was.

His eyes rolled back in his head and he gripped her hip tight, pounding into her as he came...and came...and came, filling her up with all he had.

The next few moments were a complete blur as they collapsed onto the bed, sweaty limbs tangled together as they fought for breath. And, in his case, sanity. How in the fuck had he gotten so lucky with her?

He brushed the hair off her forehead and pressed his lips to her heated skin. “You’re incredible.”

Her fingers floated over his stomach, dancing along his twitching abs. “Pretty incredible yourself. That was...intense.”

Sure was. “Didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She shook her head. “Told you I could take it. And, for the record, you still held back.”

Yep. “I don’t want to taint you with my kind of debauchery. Pun intended.”

She snorted. “You know I’m not a virgin, right?”

Um... “Are we talking about the same thing?” Because he really didn’t want to think about some other dude taking her in the ass.

Pushing up, she rested her chin on his chest and looked him in the eye. “I’ve never gone all the way, but not for lack of wanting.”

Well, shit. “Really?”

Quirking an eyebrow, she shoved at his side with a playful glint in her eyes. “What kind of girl do you think I am?”

He caught her hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing her palm. “I mean, I’m surprised you’d want to. And, if that’s the case, why haven’t you?”

Her eyes went soft and curled into him again. “Same reason I never let a guy go bare before—trust.”

Goddamn. He stared up at the ceiling, a confusing mix of selfish-asshole and the luckiest-son-of-a-bitch-on-the-planet humming through his conscience. She trusted him. She’d said as much and she’d proven it over and over again. Her faith in him was a gift he wasn’t worthy of to begin with and now she wanted to give him something more? He couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“No rush,” she whispered before she pressed a soft kiss to his chest. “I just wanted you to know.”

He nodded and disentangled from her carefully...humbly. He needed a second to breathe. To gather his thoughts and figure out what the hell he was doing.

Jenny’s fingers trailed along his back as he got up. “Where you going, handsome?”

“Washcloth.”

“Hurry back. I miss you already.”

He closed his eyes and the haunting darkness clouded in like poison. Could he really be this guy for her? Could he really love her like she deserved?

Or had he been kidding himself all along?