Текст книги "Needing Her"

Автор книги: Molly McAdams

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

“Connor, I swear to God you better stop talking.”

“Dakota Price! Shut your mouth and let him talk!”

I looked over to Mrs. Price, and sent her a grateful smile.

“If you’re so in love with Maci, tell me why my little sister looks like she wants to die?” Craig asked before I could say anything else.

Mr. Price raised a graying eyebrow at me, and I shrugged lamely. “Because I listened to Dakota and Dylan when I shouldn’t have.”

“Wait.” Craig released Dakota and pointed at his brothers. “You both already knew about this and didn’t say anything?”

“He came to talk to us about their relationship the night before we came,” Dylan started, and his dad cut him off.

“What I’m not understanding is what I’m seeing right now. You three have been inseparable since you were kids, and now this?”

“They forced me to break up with Maci! Do you understand how much it killed me to do that, how much it killed me to have to lie to her so she would believe me, and then listen to her cry for the rest of the night? I feel like I’ve been suffocating ever since I left the goddamn bar after talking to you three!”

“Wait, three?”

“Sam was there,” I answered Craig.

“Why the fuck did everyone know except for me?”

“I hadn’t planned on Sam being there, I wanted to talk to Dakota and Dylan first.”

“Yeah,” Dylan started, “and we already told you our answer. You can’t date or marry Maci!”

“That’s not your fucking decision! You’re my best friend, but I never should have listened to you in the first place!”

“You know why we can’t let you be with her!” Dakota yelled back.

“Why can’t he be with her?” Mr. Price asked, the only calm male left in the room.

“Dakota, I swear to God I will die before I hurt your sister.”

“You don’t fucking know that!” He started toward me again, and Craig grabbed him to stop him.

“You told us—”

“I know what I said, Dylan. But I will do everything to make sure I never hurt her!”

“You already have.”

All of the men froze, and some of the women gasped from where they’d been whispering to each other. Forcing myself to turn to the left, it took all my willpower not to run up to her and grab her in my arms.

“Maci,” I breathed. And when I saw her face covered in tears, I automatically started toward her, stopping when she held up a hand.

“Sam told me they made you do it, and for the record, I will not forgive either of you for that,” she looked at her brothers, and wiped at her face when she turned back to me. “But, Connor, you told me there was always a choice. You made yours.”

“Maci, no, you don’t understand. You have to let me explain.”

Sam bent down to whisper something in her ear, but she shook her head at him and spoke loud enough for us to hear. “I already told you, he let them tell him what to do.” Looking back up at me, my heart broke when she choked out, “That told me all I need to know. Just go home, Connor.”

My mind flashed back to Cassidy for the first time in a month. Having her tell me to leave the way Maci just had . . . but at the time, I’d listened to her and had left. Maci was different, I couldn’t leave her . . . not again. “I can’t.”

She turned toward the door, before looking back at me, fresh tears falling down her cheeks. “Why?”

“Because you’re mine, Maci! You’re. Mine.”

“You said—”

“I know what I said . . . I was lying. I was scared of what your brothers knew about me, scared of what I could do to you . . . and so I did what I thought would be best for you. But I’m miserable, and I know you are too.” I had taken a few steps toward her, but was afraid of pushing her back, so I stopped halfway between her, Sam, and her family.

Maci shook her head, clearly confused. “What you could do to me . . . ? I don’t . . . what do they know?”

Turning to look at Dakota and Dylan, I shook my head when I realized and understood what I had to do. I threw my arms out at my sides helplessly when I looked back at Maci.

“I was abused as a child. That’s why I’m so protective of Amy. Because she was older, she took my half of the beatings until I was old enough to understand, and made sure that she took as little of them as possible. The guy wasn’t even my biological father, but it was my mom’s husband, and he was the one who raised us. He almost killed us one night, that’s how we met our adoptive parents. My dad was one of the detectives on scene, and he and my mom fought to adopt both Amy and me.”

The room had gone completely silent, and Maci stood there staring at me with wide, devastated eyes. Her mouth hanging open as she shook her head back and forth, like she was in denial.

“I’ve always felt like I had to protect Amy from men. After we were adopted, it took until she met her husband in college for her to trust anyone other than Dad and me. But the problem that your brothers have with us being together is I have my own demons to face from that time in my life. I’m . . . shit, Maci, I’m terrified of turning into him. I have nightmares of being him to my future family. I had no idea I’d even told your brothers about all this until they informed me when I approached them about us a couple days ago. Apparently I got wasted one night and told them. I told them that I’d ruin and destroy my future family.”

“Connor,” she whispered.

“That’s why they don’t want us together. That’s everything I’ve been keeping from you, and that’s why I left you. I thought I was protecting you.” Closing the distance between us, I got as close to her as I could without touching her. “Yes, I’m afraid to get angry, because I don’t know what I’ll do because of the nightmares I constantly have about turning into him. And I know I upset you, but I know that I would never hurt you, Maci.”

“I—I had no idea. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

Cupping her face in my hands, it felt like I was taking my first real breath in two days. “You’re not the one that’s supposed to be sorry. I’m sorry for what I did to you, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. But, Maci, I can’t lose you.” Pressing my forehead to hers, I whispered so only she could hear me. “You were so wrong the other night. You own me. Don’t you fucking get that?”

A sound that was half laugh, half sob, left her and she crushed her mouth to mine.

“I’m in love with you Maci,” I said against her lips. “God I’m so in love with you.”

“Connor.”

“What—fuck, Mace!” I wheezed and bent forward when she punched me in the stomach.

“That’s for listening to my brothers.”

I deserved that. But, shit, that hurt. As soon as I straightened up, Maci threw herself at me; wrapping her legs around my waist as I gripped her body to mine.

“And I love you too.” She smiled at me wryly before I captured her lips again.

A few seconds later, someone started clearing their throat. I froze from kissing her, and slowly lowered her back down to the ground before facing her family.

Maci’s dad looked around like he was lost. “Well, this has been an interesting vacation so far.”

“That’s all you have to say?” Dylan asked. “Did you not hear what he just admitted to?”

Mr. Price turned to look at his sons and a sound of disapproval left his chest. “I did, and I must say . . . I’m disappointed in you two for how you’ve treated him and your sister. Every man has fears that he won’t be able to be the perfect husband and father; Connor’s are a little different, and for good reason. The fact that you let his fears get in the way of a lifelong friendship and used it against him so he would leave Maci pisses me off about as much as it upsets me to see my little girl cry. Connor just manned up to something he shouldn’t have to be ashamed of, and stood up to you all because he’s in love with your sister. The two of you could take a lesson.”

Dakota and Dylan both stood there staring at the floor with matching expressions of guilt and indecision. Like they couldn’t figure out if they wanted to continue fighting their side.

“I think we all need to go to bed so we can sleep on this, and we’ll talk about it again tomorrow. No one is level headed enough to continue with this conversation . . . if we can even call it that.” Mr. Price turned and walked over to Maci and me, his hand outstretched for me to shake it. “I’m glad it’s you, Connor. Really, I am. But if I catch you sleeping with my daughter tonight, I’m likely to change my mind on that. Your room is still free, I’ll be sure to check on both you and Maci often tonight.”

Gripping his hand firmly, I cracked a smile but looked him directly in the eye. “Understood, sir.”

Pulling me in close to pound on my back, he held me there as he said, “You’re a good man, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Wherever this takes you and my daughter, I’d be proud to have you in her life.”

I stood there in shock when he stepped back. After everything I’d just said, I wouldn’t expect that reaction from any dad, but especially Maci’s. He’d always been intimidating . . . which, considering my profession and the kinds of people I dealt with, is saying something.

Maci grabbed my hand, and I looked down to see her smiling up at me.

“Thank you,” she said softly, her gray eyes bright with left-over tears.

“For what?”

“Coming back for me.”

Cupping her face in my hands, I leaned close and spoke low, hoping she understood how much I meant every word. “I’m sorry I ever left; I swear it will never happen again.”

When she nodded, I pressed my mouth to hers, and savored every second of her lips against mine until her dad grumbled, “Checking your rooms tonight.”

Maci laughed, and leaned in to steal another kiss when I quickly pulled away from her. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Smiling, I brushed back a few strands of her hair that had fallen forward. “Good night, Maci Price.”

With a wink, she turned and waited for Amber to join her before heading downstairs. Once everyone else began dispersing, I glanced over at Dakota and Dylan to see them watching me. Holding back a sigh, I headed downstairs as well and took the room I usually occupied.

Since I hadn’t taken the time to pack anything, I put everything on me on one of the nightstands, left my jeans on, and pulled my shirts off before climbing into bed. And for the first time since I’d made Maci cry, sleep came quickly.

JOLTING UP IN bed, I stopped reaching for my gun and blew out a deep breath when I saw Maci shutting and locking my door. The air rushed from my lungs at seeing her standing there, and I had to wonder if I was dreaming for a minute. A residual ache deep in my chest kept the reminder of what I’d done to her . . . but even through my sleep-fueled haze, I remembered driving up to Mammoth and fighting to get her back.

“Mace, what are you doing?” I asked when she started moving from the door toward my bed.

“I need to be with you . . . I need to know this isn’t all a dream.”

My lips quirked up on one side, knowing I’d just been thinking the same thing; and even as I grabbed her hand and pulled her down next to me, I shook my head. “Your dad is going to kill me if he finds you in here.”

She made a scoffing noise. “He hasn’t checked on us once tonight, and he’s snoring loud enough that I doubt he’ll be up anytime soon.”

“Maci . . .” I began in warning, but she moved so she was straddling me, and pressed her fingers against my lips.

“Please, Connor. I need to know I didn’t just imagine everything. I need . . . I need to hear you say it again.”

Kissing her fingers softly, I removed her hand from my face and gripped the back of her neck to pull her closer so I could look into her eyes. “Hear what? That you own me? That I love you? That I’m a fucking idiot for ever thinking I could live without you, even if it was what’s best for you?”

Even in the darkness, I could see the brightness in her eyes from the tears gathering there. When one slipped down her cheek, I used my free hand to wipe it away and searched her face for a long while.

“I’m sorry for ever making you cry,” I whispered, “and I’m sorry for taking so damn long to realize what you mean to me. I swear to you I’ll spend the next seventy years making up for all the time with you I’ve lost.”

“Seventy?” she asked, her voice thick with emotion even though she was smiling. “You think we’ll last that long?”

“I know we will,” I vowed.

“We drive each other crazy.”

“I like our kind of crazy.”

“We’re always fighting,” she argued.

“As long as it’s you I’m fighting with.”

“It’s only been a month.”

“I wouldn’t care if it’d only been a week. I need you, Maci. I’ll always need you.”

A shaky smile crossed her face, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her eyes anymore. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember,” she admitted, her eyelids slowly lifting up to see my reaction.

How had I not known? Again, how had I never noticed her before? Knowing that nothing could make up for the years that I was blind to her, I tilted her head back up and kissed her lips gently. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

She shrugged and said simply, “You’re here now.”

And I had no intentions of going anywhere. Maci now knew the one thing I’d been terrified of telling her, and though I didn’t know exactly how she felt about it all, I knew it wasn’t going to scare her away. But now that she knew about my past, and my fears, there was one more thing she needed to know.

“I need to tell you about Cassidy.”

I felt her body stiffen, and she sat up straighter, her eyes now worried with whatever I was about to tell her. “W-who?”

“Christ, Maci, no. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t cheat on you,” I promised, and waited for her to relax . . . When she didn’t, I spoke again. “She lives in Texas with her boyfriend, but she’s the reason why I’ve been so different since this summer. I need to tell you about everything so you’ll understand why I was the way I was.”

“Okay,” she said warily, and started to move off my lap, but I kept her there. I needed her there, needed to feel her touch while I told her.

With a deep breath in, I told Maci everything. Told her about the family-disturbance call that had first led me to Cassidy’s parents’ house years ago. How I’d believed Cassidy when she told me nothing was happening, and how after her mom burned the house to the ground right before summer started with her and her husband in it, I’d found out that Cassidy had been physically abused by her mom and stepdad every day since she was young. I told Maci about the black eye Cassidy’s boyfriend had given her accidentally when Cassidy tried to break up a fight he was involved in, and the day in the coffee shop where I’d told her everything about my life before being adopted. How our similar pasts, and her own fears that had closely matched mine, had left me begging her to be mine, and following her back to Texas after she’d left to be with her boyfriend again. And most importantly, how I’d left when she asked me to, and I’d spent six months trying to feel anything again, and find someone who could evoke any type of emotion in me. How Maci had done that, and more.

When I finished telling her everything, Maci studied my face for a long time before asking, “Do you still feel anything for her?” I shook my head, and began to respond, but she continued talking. “That’s a really intense reaction to have to another girl, you can’t tell me that after six months of the ‘Zombie Connor’ that suddenly there’s nothing left for her now.”

“She wasn’t you, Maci. I told you about my fears, and the nightmares that I have. I’d thought that Cassidy was the only one that would understand that and not judge me for it, because I didn’t want to put that kind of life on someone who hadn’t lived it. As fucked up as that seems . . . but I was wrong. And, if you think what you saw over the last six months was bad, you should have seen me after I made you believe I didn’t want you. I’d felt numb after Cassidy . . . but thought I was dying after what I did to you. I didn’t think I’d find someone to make me feel anything again after her . . . but didn’t know how I was supposed to live without you. Do you see the difference?”

“What if she came back?”

“She won’t,” I assured her.

“But what if she were to. What would you do?”

I looked into Maci’s eyes, and told her honestly, “I would thank her for inadvertently showing me that I deserved the life I want to have with you.”

Maci’s lips were on me fast and hard, and though I wanted nothing more than to kiss her forever, I forced our mouths apart and waited until she was looking at me again.

“I need to know what you think about everything you know now. My past, my fears for the future, Cassidy . . .” I trailed off.

She thought for a second, her lips pursing as her eyes got a faraway look. “I understand why you have your fears, but I know you and know that you won’t turn into him. I will never know what it was like to grow up the way you and Amy did, but I hate it for you and I’m here if you ever need to just talk about it. As for Cassidy . . . I’ve watched you change completely over the last month. If there were lingering feelings for her, you’d still be a zombie, so I believe you when you say there’s not.” I kissed her softly, and laughed when she whispered against my mouth, “Besides, if she came back, you really think I wouldn’t kick her ass if she tried to take you from me?”

“Nothing will keep me from you again.”

“I’m holding you to that,” she said softly before pressing her mouth to mine again.

The kiss was slow, but heated. After pulling down the zipper on her hoodie, and pushing it off her, I pulled the strap of her thin shirt over her shoulder, and left a trail of open-mouthed kisses across her collarbone. Her skin was covered in goose bumps, and she shivered against me as her hands went to the jeans I was still wearing.

“Didn’t have anything to change into?” she teased.

“Don’t, Maci. If your dad walks in, he’ll kill me for what I’m already doing to you.”

“He won’t.”

“One of your brothers is in the room next to mine.”

Her hands didn’t stop as she undid the button and zipper. “Not right now, both Dakota and Dylan went to one of the bars in town to calm down and probably get some girls for a few hours.”

“They could be back soon—fuck,” I groaned when she freed me from my jeans, and grabbed my length in her hands.

“Stop trying to come up with reasons not to, no one is coming in or going to hear us. And after everything, I need you. Please, Connor,” she begged in a small voice.

A low growl built up in my chest, and I pulled her off me to lay her down on the bed. Ridding myself the rest of the way of my jeans, I pulled off her sweats and underwear at the same time, and parted her legs as I laid my body on top of hers. “I fucking love it when you beg.”

A slow, coy smile spread across her face. “I know.”

Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but smile before I crushed my mouth to hers, teasing her tongue with mine as I slid inside her. I swallowed her whimper, and pushed in deeper when her fingers dug into my back. I wanted to claim her; I wanted to have to quiet her screams. But the second my lips moved down her neck, and she whispered my name . . . everything changed. My movements slowed, and the air between us went from urgent and needy to something so much more.

Raising up on one elbow, I gently fisted her hair in my hand, and stared into her eyes as I moved slowly inside her. Her breathing was rough, and when it began getting erratic, her eyes fluttered shut.

“Keep them open,” I said in a gentle command.

Her heavy lids opened as she tightened around me, seconds before she came with a hushed whimper and breathy exhale. I followed her with my own release, never once taking my eyes off her.

“I love you, Maci,” I said into her ear, and kissed her neck as I pulled out of her, rolling us to the side. Her smile was one I hadn’t seen before, and I pushed back the hair that had fallen into her face before cupping her cheek with my hand. “What?”

“It’s still surreal to hear you say that,” she admitted after a few seconds.

“You’re gonna have to get used to it, sweetheart. I’m going to be saying it for a long time.”

“I’m sure I will eventually.” She winked and curled into my arms. “You just promised me seventy years, didn’t you?”

“At least.”

Seventy years of this. Seventy years of Maci, and our kind of crazy. That sounded like heaven to me.