Текст книги "Needing Her"

Автор книги: Molly McAdams

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 11 страниц)

“That’s nice.” Grabbing Amber’s hand, I turned without looking at Connor. Everything in me wanted to rebel against the action, but I had this planned out.

Twenty minutes after we’d walked away from the table, I walked toward the restrooms and waited in the hall, hoping like hell I would be right about this. And not two minutes later, Connor was storming down the hall toward me, a determined look on his handsome face.

Grabbing me around my waist, he hauled my body against his and pressed his lips down onto mine as he forced me back up against the wall. “You trying to kill me, sweetheart? Wearing something like this when you know I have to sit next to your brothers?”

Looking around the hall, he grabbed my hand and walked us into the women’s restroom and locked the door behind us. His hands were all over my bare back, gripping and pulling me closer, and he moved the front of my top aside to suck on one of my breasts.

I pulled on his hair, until he released my breast, and brought my mouth to his for a few seconds. “We have to get out of here. My brothers are going to realize I’m not with Amber and go looking for me.”

“I know, I know. Just . . . fuck. I can’t sit there next to them while you’re walking around looking like this.”

Looking at him from under my eyelashes, I rubbed my hand over his hard-on and bit down on my lip, loving when his eyes rolled back. “Then what are you going to do?”

“Give me a few minutes, I’ll check my phone and tell them I’m going to meet up with a girl. Ten minutes after I leave . . . no, fuck that. Five. Five minutes after I leave, you and Amber leave. If they ask where you’re going, tell them to another bar—and apologize to Amber for me for cutting your night short.”

“Her boyfriend is waiting for her at his place, she’ll be fine.”

With another hard kiss, Connor pushed away from me and moved my shirt back into place. “Five minutes after I leave, sweetheart. I’ll be waiting in your apartment.”

“See you soon.”

His eyes raked down my body one last time, and he harshly whispered, “Fuck!” before unlocking the door and walking out.

When I didn’t hear yelling from my brothers immediately after, I followed him out into the hall and smiled when he turned to wink at me before leaving the hall. I was so focused on him, I didn’t even notice the girl walking down the hall toward me until she was talking to me.

“Don’t fall for it, honey.”

I jerked back and looked up at the busty brunette. “Excuse me?”

She pursed her lips and looked back over her shoulder. “Connor Green.” She said his name like he was a legend or something. “I get it, I swear I do . . . but don’t fall for it.”

“Fall for what, exactly?”

“You think I don’t know you two were just in the bathroom together? This is just the start for him. He’ll call you ‘sweetheart’ and say all the right things to get in your pants.”

I stopped breathing at “sweetheart.”

“He’ll make you feel special for a little while, but then he’ll leave you . . . and he’ll do it without a second thought. Then he’ll move on to the next one. It’s what he does; I’m just warning you so you don’t get hurt.”

Tears burned the backs of my eyes, and I forced myself to smile at the bitch. “Thank you. So, so much. I’m glad you warned me before anything else happened.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile that was as fake as her breasts, and patted me on the shoulder. Walking quickly back into the bar, I found Amber, grabbed her hand, and began towing her toward the front door.

“Mini, where are you going in such a hurry?”

When I looked up, I noticed Connor was still there with my brothers, and he looked confused. “Go to hell.”

“Hey!” Dylan and Dakota said at the same time, but I didn’t stop.

“Oh my God, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Amber asked when we were finally outside and making our way to my car.

“Fine.”

“Maci!”

I choked back a sob and walked faster.

Once we were in my car and I was reversing out of my spot, Amber spoke again. “Okay, I saw him follow you, what happened? What did that fucker say? I’ll go shank him!”

“He didn’t . . . didn’t. Son of a bitch!” I yelled and blinked back the tears. I couldn’t figure out if I was more upset or angry. “Gah, he didn’t say anything bad. He . . . we made out, it was actually really hot. This girl approached me after; obviously it was someone he’s been with, because she knows that he calls me ‘sweetheart.’ She was warning me, she said how he’d treat me and then how he’d leave me.”

“Well, Maci, you knew he’d fucked random girls before. This isn’t news, and he said you weren’t one of them, didn’t he?”

“That’s what he said, but he called them all sweetheart. That’s what he calls me.”

Amber was silent, but kept watching me, until we made it to Aaron’s apartment complex. When I pulled to a stop in front of his building, her voice was careful. “Maybe he just—”

“Amber, I know for a fact that he called his random hookups that, because he didn’t want to bother remembering their names. I just don’t know why I’d forgotten that until tonight.”

“But he knows your name.”

“He’s also known me for years. Those girls he’d just picked up at bars.”

After a few silent minutes, she squeezed my hand and opened the door. “Call me tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Almost immediately after I’d gotten home and started undressing, my front door flew open, and I could hear Connor charging through my apartment.

“Maci!”

I’d only taken my shoes off, and I really wanted to throw them at him.

“What the hell was that?”

I turned on him and threw my arms out. “ ‘Sweetheart’? Really?”

Connor’s head jerked back. “Wait, what?”

“You call me ‘sweetheart.’ ”

“Yeah . . . and? Maci, you’re really fucking confusing me right now.”

“I was stopped in the hall by one of your random fucks, and she was so kind as to remind me that you call all your one-night stands ‘sweetheart,’ and that you’d say all the right things and make me feel special for a little while before leaving me, like you’ve done all the rest.”

“Maci—”

“I can’t believe I was fucking stupid enough to forget that you called them all ‘sweetheart.’ I was so happy that you and I were finally together, that I didn’t even realize it when you called me that. In fact, I loved it.” Connor opened his mouth, but I kept talking. “I’m not going to be one of your random hookups!”

“You’re not! When have I ever treated you like one? I’ve told you from the beginning that you weren’t like them. Did I ever let one of them stay over? No! And you know that. I’m sorry calling you that made you think that, but you have to know by now that I would never do to you what I did to them. I was an asshole to them, and, granted, I’ve been an ass to you so many times. But, Maci . . . can you really not see that you’re everything to me? I can barely make it through a shift because all I want to do is get home to see you. I’ve been going out of my mind all day knowing you were mad at me, and I just—you know what? Fuck it. You’re never going to believe me. This is what you’ve been waiting for. You’ve been waiting for something to give you a reason to get pissed at me again. So now you have it.”

Laughing loudly, I ran one hand roughly through my long hair and tried not to start crying again. “You found me out. Congratulations! Obviously you know your way out. So, have an awesome fucking life, sweetheart.”

Connor had started walking out of my room, but stopped, and turned back toward me. Quickly closing the distance between us, he grabbed me and crushed his mouth to mine. I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t move away.

His lips only left mine long enough to say, “I’m not letting you do this to us.”

“Connor—”

“Maci, I know I took a long time to finally realize what you mean to me, and I know it’s only been a week and a half. But I know you’re in this deep . . . just as deep as I am. Do you think I’d risk my friendship with my two best friends for some random fuck? No. You know I want you, and, Maci, I want you so goddamn bad, it’s all I think about. And don’t say it’s just about sex with you, because you know it’s not. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t wake up with you in my arms tomorrow morning. I hate watching you walk away from me, I hate getting out of bed when you’re in it with me, and I know you feel the same.”

“I don’t.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I seriously fucking hate you right now,” I choked out.

Connor’s thumbs brushed back my tears and he shook his head. “No you don’t.”

His mouth fell onto mine again, and it was all I could do to hold onto him. He moved us until my back was pressed to my bedroom wall, and his tongue teased my lips until I opened them for him. A whimper rose up my throat when our tongues met, and I moved my hands over his broad shoulders and up his neck so I could run my fingers through his hair.

Slowly, his hands ran over my waist and dropped to my hips. Usually we were ripping each other’s clothes off, but the controlled way he rid me of my jeans—his mouth leaving mine to make a trail down my bare chest as he took them all the way off—had my breath accelerating. Lazy, openmouthed kisses made a trail back up my body, and his hands went to the scrap of fabric covering my torso. With movements just as slow and calculated as before, he pushed the fabric up over my shoulders and down my arms, pushing the rest of the shirt past my hips so it fell to the ground.

Gripping the backs of my thighs, he pulled me up against the wall, pinning me there so I had no option but to wrap my legs around his still-clothed body. But the moment my legs locked around his hips, he was turning us and walking us toward my bed. My hands went between us to grab at the bottom of his shirt once he’d laid me down and stayed hovering inches above me. With help from him, his shirt was thrown over the edge of the bed, and my hands eagerly went to the belt on his jeans. I barely had the belt and jeans undone, and down to his thighs, before he was already pushing against my entrance. The second they hit the floor, Connor was slowly sliding into me, and I couldn’t stop the erotic moan from leaving me.

Every movement against each other was slow, and in sync. Every movement had my blood rushing through my veins, and my stomach tightening in a delicious way. Every movement had the tears falling faster down my face and into my hair as I finally accepted that I’d fallen in love with him.

He hooked a hand behind one of my knees and brought my leg to rest on his back as he gently made love to me for the first time; and his lips met mine briefly before going to my wet cheeks to kiss away the tears. When our movements quickened, nothing about the passion that was flooding my room changed. Everything still felt like it was going in slow motion, and every time his body moved against mine, I struggled with not telling him the three words that were repeating themselves over and over in my mind.

I gasped, and my body felt like it burst into a million pieces seconds before Connor stilled above me.

He’d been rough, he’d been intense, he’d finally lost control with me, and he’d exuded raw power every time we’d been together. I’d craved more, and loved every second of us together the last week and a half. But he’d never been like this. He’d never been gentle; he’d never been this loving; it had never felt like this; and I wanted it again and again.

My eyes opened when his thumbs rubbed lightly against my cheeks, and I found bright blue eyes directly above me. In them, I found everything I was feeling being reflected back at me. I wanted to tell him that I was done pretending. That I was in love with him, but I ached to hear him say those words and knew I would wait until he did.

“Never doubt what you mean to me,” he murmured, and watched me until I nodded before kissing me slowly and thoroughly.

Pulling back the comforter, he helped me slip under before sliding in next to me and pulling my back up against his chest. Curling around my body, he grabbed my hands and held them tight as he pressed his lips to my shoulder.

“You’re everything,” he said against my skin before I felt his body relax as he fell asleep.

Everything.

That word continued playing in my mind, and I decided right then that I was done hiding. I was done protecting myself from a heartache that may or may not happen with Connor, because all I’d been doing was pushing him away. I was done pretending that he didn’t matter, and that I didn’t care. And I was ready for anything and everything with him.

Chapter Ten

Connor

I TOOK THREE deep breaths in, and tried to tell myself that this would go in my favor. Because it would. They knew me. They trusted me. They would trust me with their sister.

Right?

Opening the door, I walked into the sports bar and looked around for Dakota and Dylan. Looking to the right, I faltered and almost walked right back out of the bar. One of their other brothers, Sam, was at the table too. It was one thing to tell my best friends first, to get a feel for how the rest of the family would react; but to have Sam there too?

But I knew I had to do this now; we were all going to Mammoth tomorrow, and there was no way I could stay away from Maci while we were there. And in case it went bad, I really didn’t want Maci present for whatever went down.

I’d thought I was in deep when Amy had tried to give me an ultimatum last week, but after making love to Maci that night . . . I knew that what I’d felt for her had been nothing compared to now. I craved her constantly. When she wasn’t near me, it felt like I’d go crazy waiting until I could be near her again. A week of not being able to look at her or touch her would drive me insane.

With another deep breath in, I straightened my shoulders and walked over to where they were already drinking.

“Connor!” Dylan yelled, and Dakota sent off a girl I had no doubt he’d be going home with later. “Aw, come on now. You couldn’t even take off the detective getup to have a beer with us?”

I just smirked. Honestly, I couldn’t have gone back to my place. Because if I had, I would’ve seen Maci and then I would’ve never made it out again.

Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me in to clap my shoulder, and I flinched out of his grasp. Jesus, when did I become such a bitch?

“Good to see you, Sam,” I forced out, trying to make up for how awkward I’d just acted. “How’s the family?”

“They’re really good. Caden is almost two, and Jessica just found out she’s pregnant again . . . which is why I am here,” he joked, but held up his empty beer glass, looking around for a waitress.

“Congrats, man. I’m excited for you.”

His smile showed how happy he really was when he turned to look at me again. “Me too, so what about you? I know these two aren’t settling down anytime soon, but I always thought you were an old soul. Figured you’d find a girl and settle down early.”

I had to be careful how I answered, because what I said in that moment could determine how they reacted later. Before Cassidy, I would’ve sworn up and down I would’ve never gotten married because I was terrified of having children and what I might do to my future family. Then she’d come back into my life, and Cassidy had been like an antidote to my fears, or at least had blinded me from them . . . making me want to have it all. Even though I wasn’t ready to think of marriage with Maci yet, since it hadn’t even been three weeks since we’d actually gotten together. I knew with my life that was exactly where Maci and I would eventually lead.

There was still one problem, though. She wasn’t Cassidy. Don’t get me wrong . . . I was glad she wasn’t. I knew now that Cassidy hadn’t been the girl for me; she had just been someone who would understand me, with absolutely no judgment. Finally finding that in someone had been the one thing that triggered my want to keep her in my life forever. Of course she had been sweet, brave, and strong. But sweet, brave, and strong weren’t what I needed or wanted.

I wanted feisty. I wanted obnoxious. I wanted stubborn. I wanted Maci . . . needed her. But a part of me felt like I needed that piece of Cassidy that understood everything I had gone through as a child. And I still hadn’t brought myself to tell Maci about my past and my fears of the future because I couldn’t know what her reaction would be.

There had never been a need for the Price family to know what had happened to Amy and me, but I knew I needed to tell Maci in order for our relationship to continue. I was just terrified that after finally opening my eyes to her, and having her in my life even for a short time, I would tell her and she wouldn’t be able to understand . . . and then she would be gone too.

I looked Sam right in the eye and told him the truth. “I hope to soon.”

He cocked an eyebrow and took a sip of the new beer that had just been placed in front of him. “Really?”

Dakota snorted. “We obviously need to get you a beer if you’re starting to talk about settling down. Everyone knows that’s not about to happen.” He caught the waitress’s eye and pointed toward me.

“I don’t want a drink.”

“What?” all three said at once.

“You feelin’ okay?” Dylan asked.

“I’m fine, but uh . . . I.” Shit. “I need to talk to you three about something.”

None of them said anything; they all just sat there staring at me. When the waitress walked over, Dakota waved her away without taking his eyes off me.

Sitting down, I tried to figure out the best way to say it, but in the end, it still came out all kinds of fucked up. “I want your . . . I’m . . . I plan to marry Maci one day.”

They were still sitting there staring, but now none of them were blinking or moving. It was fucking terrifying. I rushed to get the rest out.

“I’m not going to ask your permission to date her, because we’re already together. And I’m not asking her to marry me anytime soon because our relationship is still raw; but I needed you to know how serious I am about us. She’s not just some girl; I know she’s it for me. I’m not going to hide us.”

Dylan burst out laughing, cutting off when he realized no one else had joined in with him.

“This better be a fucking joke,” Dakota sneered, his face slowly turning red.

“What? No,” Dylan said, shaking his head. “No way. Not Connor and Mini. Of course he’s joking.”

I quickly glanced in Sam’s direction; he was scowling at me but didn’t look like he was ready to kill me, like Kota did.

“How long has this been going on?” Sam asked.

“A few weeks.”

“A few”—Dakota slammed his hand down on the table—“a few fucking weeks? Are you shitting me?”

“No, listen—”

“No you listen. How many times have we seen or talked to you since this started happening, and you didn’t say anything?”

“I’m sorry, you have every right to be pissed about that. I should have told you right away.”

Sam still wasn’t talking; he was now studying me. And now I was wondering if he was figuring out the most painful way to kill me. Dylan was sitting there, blinking rapidly, as if he was trying to come out of a daze.

“Krista!” Dakota barked at the waitress, and lifted his empty glass before looking back at me. “Did you tell Maci you were going to talk to us?” When I shook my head, he nodded, scratched at his jaw roughly, and then dropped his head to look at the table. “You’re not going to tell her you talked to us. You’re gonna break up with her, and we’re gonna forget this shit ever happened.”

“No. I’m not leaving her.”

Dakota’s head shot up, and he stared in Sam’s direction for a few seconds before turning to look at me. His gray eyes narrowed. “If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have asked, Connor. I would have just made sure they never wanted to even think about her again. You’re my best friend, but you have five seconds to change your mind before we change it for you.”

I shrugged sadly and ran my hand through my hair roughly. “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m not changing my mind.”

Dakota was out of his chair and lunging across the table so fast, I didn’t have time to register his fist coming at me until I was already falling out of my chair.

“Stay the fuck away from Maci!”

I stood and worked my jaw a few times before spitting blood on the ground. A few of the bigger workers had surrounded us by then, so I held up a hand.

“We’re fine. Just a misunderstanding. It’s over.”

We knew them all well; we’d been coming to this bar since we could legally drink. So after a few warnings, they walked away and we all sat back down.

“Connor, you will—”

“No, Dakota. I won’t. You got your hit in, hopefully that’s enough for the three of you for now. But I’m not going to leave Maci. I told you, I didn’t come to ask your permission, I just wanted you to know. You can’t keep doing this to her, you’ve been scaring her from having relationships, and you’ve been keeping guys away from her. She’s twenty-three, she’s an adult, you need to let her have her life.”

“Fuck you, Green!”

“I agree with Connor,” Sam said, surprising the hell out of us. “At least it’s someone we all know and can trust her with.”

Dakota leaned over the table toward Sam, but pointed at me. “He’s not good enough for her!”

I threw my arms out to the side before letting the drop. “I’m your best friend! If I’m not, then who is? No one will ever be good enough for your sister. That’s how I felt with Amy, but I couldn’t stop her from getting married!”

“Kota’s right,” Dylan said softly. He wasn’t looking at any of us, he just sat there with his arms crossed over his chest, but he looked sad. “I’m sorry, Connor, but I can’t let you date my sister . . . let alone marry her.”

“I hope this shows you how much she means to me. I’m willing to risk eighteen years of friendship because I don’t give a fuck what either of you are saying. I’m not leaving her.” I stood, and everything in my body froze when Dylan spoke again.

“Connor, we know about you. We know what happened when you were a kid.”

“Excuse me?”

“After Cassidy left—”

“How the fuck do you know about Cassidy?”

“You got trashed and told us about her when you came back from Texas, you told us everything that night. What happened to you sucks, and we would’ve never brought it up again because it was obvious you didn’t mean to tell us all that shit,” Dakota said. His voice was dark. When he spoke again, the warning was clear. “I’m not about to let my sister be with a man who is constantly fighting that kind of demon.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Sam asked. He looked back and forth between his brothers before looking at me. But I couldn’t answer. It felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“Short story of his past,” Dylan began, and my hands clenched into fists on top of the table. “He had a druggie, absentee mom, and his old man beat him and Amy. Almost killed them. The Greens adopted them after that. That would never sway my decision on this situation. But now? Connor is always living in fear that he’s going to turn into the guy who raised him. His anger scares him, and he told us that he was afraid if he had kids, he’d do the same thing to them.”

“Holy shit,” Sam said under his breath and scrubbed his hands down his face. “Connor, man, I’m—”

“So you can see our reasoning,” Dakota said, cutting him off. “I love you, Connor, really, man, I do. But I can’t let you be with my sister. I have to protect her, and letting her be with a man like you would be the exact opposite of protecting her. You would ruin her.”

“Dakota,” Sam snapped.

“He said it himself! He said he would ruin his future family, destroy it. Those were his words. I don’t care if he was wasted, don’t we always say drunks are the only honest people?” Dakota stood, and leaned over me, his voice low. “Break up with Maci . . . tonight. If you still want to go to the cabin with us tomorrow, then come. We want you there. None of us will say a thing about tonight, like I said, we’ll act like none of this shit happened.”

My eyes flashed up to his, then down to Dylan’s. He looked away and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, man, I didn’t want to bring that up. But you had to know why we can’t let you be with her.”

With a hard nod, I ignored Sam calling my name, and walked out of the bar.

I knew what I had to do.

I just didn’t know how to do it in a way that would convince her.

“CONNOR, WHAT ARE you already doing home? I thought you were going out after work.”

I stood there staring in my fridge, trying to ready myself for this. After I’d figured out how to do it, I’d been telling myself over and over that this was for her own good. That it might upset her at first, but in the long run, it was what she needed.

“I didn’t know I had to give you a play-by-play of what I was doing.”

“Whoa, what’s wrong? Did something happen at work?”

I grabbed a beer and shut the door with more force than necessary. “Jesus, Maci. Nothing is wrong. Is it so wrong that I wanted to have a night away from you?”

Her head jerked back, and her eyes widened. “What?”

“I’m tired of constantly babying you. Did you ever think that maybe I need time to see other women? That that’s the way this usually works?”

“What works?”

“Sleeping around with people.” I turned away from her, and took long pulls from my beer. Trying not to choke at the thought of being with anyone else, or her with another guy. “I wanted to prove something to you, Mini. I wanted to show you what you were missing by just being with that preppy guy. I think I more than proved that, and I’m done catering to you.”

“What. The hell. Did you. Just call me?”

I was going to throw up. I tried to blank my expression when I turned toward her again, the way I did when I questioned people. But this was fucking Maci, and I could hardly look at her without wanting to pull her to me.

“God, Maci, grow up. It’s just a damn name.”

“Why are you doing this? What happened today?”

“Nothing happened.” She reached out for me and I grabbed her wrist, walking her out my door and toward hers. “You can’t be in my apartment, I have someone coming over.”

“You—what? Connor!” she cried out my name and clutched at her chest when I released her. “Why are you being like this? This isn’t you.”

“Shit, enough! Stop making this out to be so dramatic when it really doesn’t have to be. I’m just tired of pretending with you.”

“Pretending?” she whispered to herself, her eyes looking everywhere but at me.

“I’m sorry if I let it go on too long, but you need to find someone else. Get a boyfriend or something, one that you’re not afraid to introduce to your brothers.”

Her head snapped up, her gray eyes pleading. “Is that what this is? Because I haven’t told them yet? I’ll tell them right now, I swear!”

“No, fuck, that’s not what I meant. You need to find the guy you’re meant to be with, and I’m not him. Obviously you’ve gotten too deep in this, but this should have never happened.”

“How can you say that? I belong with you . . . to you. I’m yours, Connor! Completely. Yours. Why can’t you see that you own me?”

I watched as her gray eyes filled with tears, and I wanted to die.

I’d been looking for any kind of emotion since Cassidy had left. I’d searched for it in so many women. This girl . . . for so many reasons she shouldn’t have been the one to start evoking all these feelings again—and yet, she had been. My best friends’ little sister. My neighbor. The girl next door. Everything cliché and everything I had overlooked for years. I wondered for the hundredth time tonight why I couldn’t have actually seen Maci years before.

Another sob tore from her chest, and I wanted to take her in my arms and brush away the tears that had just started falling down her face. I wanted to tell her that she had all of this backwards. She owned me. But I couldn’t do this to her. Not only would her brothers never allow it, especially after tonight, but they were right . . . I would ruin her.

I had fears she couldn’t understand, a life that she’d had no idea about, and too many secrets I wasn’t willing to taint her world with. I would ruin her and our future family, and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself when that happened.

My body was shaking, and I tried to focus on anything other than the way her expression was breaking my heart. I’ll destroy her. I’ll ruin her. I continued to chant those words and focused on the fact that I could never be the type of man that she needed.

Swallowing past the tightness in my throat, I scoffed. Scoffing was good. It made me sound like that much more of an asshole. “You can’t start crying every time you aren’t getting your way, Maci. You’re an adult, start acting like one.”

“Connor!” she cried when I turned to leave. “Why are you doing this to us? I know you, I know you want to be with me too. Is it Dakota and Dylan, did they find out? Are they making you do this?”

I stopped walking when I reached her door, but couldn’t look back at her when I said, “You don’t know anything about me. The fact that you somehow made yourself believe there was an us is proof of that. There is no us.”

“How can you sa—”

“Because we fucked, Maci, that’s all we did!” I turned to look at her beautiful face, filled with pain. “It’s not my fault you let yourself believe we could be something. It’s not my goddamn fault you don’t know how to keep your feelings and your needs separate.”

Her head shook slowly back and forth, and her hand came up to cover her mouth as a strangled sob left her. “You’re lying,” she choked out. “Please don’t do this!”

“Goodbye, Maci.”

“Connor!” she sobbed when I shut her door behind me.

I hurried into my apartment and threw the can of beer at the wall, suppressing an agonized roar as I stormed into my bedroom. For the rest of the night, I stood with my forehead and palms pressed against the wall that connected our bedrooms, and listened to her sobs. And for the first time since I was last beaten at seven years old, I cried.