Текст книги "Repentance: The Story of Kace Haywood"
Автор книги: Meghan Quinn
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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 20 страниц)
Chapter Three
My present…
Right hook, left hook, upper cut, upper cut.
Right hook, left hook, upper cut, upper cut.
The vibration from hitting the bag in front of me ran through my body as I continuously tried to knock out the bag swinging from side to side. I repeated the cycle over and over in my head at a rapid pace, my arms flying at an uncontrollable rate until I couldn’t breathe anymore.
Sweat dripped off my face, burning into my eyes, fogging my vision, but I didn’t let it or my shortness of breath stop me. I continued to smoke the bag, to take out my frustration, to help forget. I was always trying to forget.
Right hook, left hook, upper cut, upper cut.
Breathing became labored and the burn running through my muscles was more than welcomed by my body. I lived for the burn, for the numbing agent that temporarily eased the sear in my soul.
Upper cut, upper cut, upper cut….
“Fuck!” I shouted as I cross-punched the bag, sending it into the air for a moment of relief. With one last spin, I dodged the bag and threw another right hook into it before tearing myself away.
Catching my breath, I leaned against the cool wall of the training room in Jett’s hotel only a select few had access to.
The door opened and Goldie popped in, wearing her typical workout gear of short shorts and a tank top.
Goldie unfortunately was one of the people with access.
Lyla followed, wearing a sports bra and shorts, looking more provocative than Goldie.
Lyla was another person with access to the gym. Fuck me.
The one woman who haunted my dreams was a constant presence in my daily routine thanks to Goldie, my best friend’s girl.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were in here,” Goldie said, startled by my appearance. “Are you done?” she asked, taking in the scene in front of her.
The hanging bag continued to sway from my forceful punches, sweat marked the mats in a ring around the bag, and my entire body was on fire from my workout. I abused my body every chance I got, and today was no exception.
“I’m done,” I answered curtly, tearing my gloves off with my teeth.
“I thought you worked out at night,” Goldie said as she stepped up on the treadmill and started pressing buttons.
“I do.”
Avoiding Lyla’s glare, I tore off the tape encasing my hands, wadded it up, threw it in the trash can and grabbed my water. I didn’t want any drama.
Seeing Lyla was inevitable, but fuck if I didn’t want to bump into her every day, just to see her beautiful face. It would be like running into your ex every damn day, but the funny thing was Lyla and me had never been in a relationship. We just suffered from explosive sexual tension, which in my opinion was worse. My body craved hers in every way possible, but I wasn’t allowed to have her, and fucking someone else wasn’t even a quick fix. It just made the urge to make Lyla mine even more demanding.
I was heading for the door when Goldie called to me. “Don’t you want to boss me around in here? You never pass up the chance to make me sweat.”
The sexual innuendo in her tone did not escape me.
I enjoyed training others, torturing them on the treadmill and then forcing them to do plyometrics until they were ready to collapse. Goldie was the most fun to train because she was a sassy, stubborn woman who always put up a fight, so forcing her to do burpees on command was a real pleasure. But with Lyla in the room, I really wasn’t in the mood.
Without turning around, I shook my head and said, “Not today.”
“Kace, what’s wrong?” Goldie asked, sounding sincere.
“Nothing,” I shot back, making it to the door and ignoring the troubled look on Lyla’s face.
I grabbed a towel from a shelf on the way out and wrapped it around my neck to absorb some of the sweat that continued to trickle down my soaked skin.
The physical exertion I’d just put my body through was now a giant waste of time because the stress I’d been trying to reduce had come back full force the minute Lyla walked through the doors.
Our last real conversation that didn’t involve fighting ran through my mind on constant replay. All she wanted was a little something from me, a little give. She wanted to know who I was, why I didn’t lead my own life, why I refused to accept happiness. But what she wanted I couldn’t give her because that meant explaining myself, and explaining myself wasn’t an option.
I’d asked her to let it go, to not worry about it, but that wasn’t good enough for her. She needed more; she needed a man with a heart, with the ability to share his life, something that was impossible for me to do.
The touch of her small hand against my bare chest still branded me. I could still feel her soft body pressed against mine, the weight of her full breasts resting against my skin, her hardened nipples grazing me ever so slightly.
Fuck!
I shook my head, downed the rest of my water bottle, and started toward my room. I had some plans for the community center to go over before we were allowed access into the building. I wanted to make sure it was as safe as could be before I allowed the employees inside.
When Jett had approached me with the idea of managing the place, I’d accepted the opportunity. It was a job I was more than willing to take on because the act of helping others appealed to me. Even though I wasn’t the most approachable person, I still felt the need to help others achieve their dreams since mine were gone.
“Kace,” Lyla called, making my entire body go numb.
Why? Why couldn’t she leave me the fuck alone?
I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look her in the eyes, the beautiful green eyes that haunted me at night.
“Kace, can I please talk to you?”
No, I thought.
I didn’t want to talk. I just wanted to fuck. I needed to fuck her out of my system. That’s what it was. I just needed one more moment in time with her legs wrapped around me, crying my name in the throes of ecstasy.
That’s what I convinced myself of at least. Well, tried to convince myself.
“I have things to do, Lyla,” I answered.
“Turn around,” she said softly and pulled on my shoulder.
My stomach sank from her tone. I clenched my jaw and willed myself not to turn around and push her up against the wall so I could take what I wanted.
Taking a deep breath, I looked her in the eyes. Her face was full of concern and questions I had no intention of answering.
“What?” I asked, rather rudely, but better to be rude than put my heart on the floor for her to stomp on.
Caught off guard for a second, she searched my eyes. “Can I just talk to you for a second?”
“Sure, talk.” I gestured for her to continue.
Gaining courage, she said, “I want to apologize for last night. I wasn’t very nice to you at all, and I shouldn’t have been throwing myself at other guys while you were there.”
Last night, another way our paths had crossed. Our lives were tangled together because our best friends were engaged. It was an unfair circumstance I had to live with.
“I don’t care what you do with other men,” I lied.
In fact, I’d ached last night watching her engage with someone other than myself. Lyla was my crutch, a pleasure I couldn’t allow myself to have. My life was going nowhere. She didn’t need to be sucked into my void. I couldn’t offer her the things she deserved.
She gave me a pointed look. “That’s why you interrupted my conversation with Diego?”
She had me there. Diego was my friend, and I’d taken it upon myself to educate him on my unreasonable expectations when it came to Lyla. Basically I couldn’t be with her, but I didn’t want anyone else to be with her either.
“He’s bad news,” I lied again. Diego was probably one of the most upstanding guys I knew besides Jett. He would never do anything dishonest. The minute he’d found out about my situation with Lyla, he backed off immediately.
“Sure.” A small smile spread across Lyla’s lips, her soft and full lips.
“Is that all?” I asked.
“I just wanted to apologize. I know you’re going through a tough time….”
“What?” I asked, anger starting to boil up inside of me. “Who told you I was going through a tough time?”
“I was talking to the girls, and they were saying something about the summer—”
“Don’t fucking talk to them about me,” I gritted out, interrupting her. Goldie and the Jett Girls loved to gossip and push my buttons. Of course they would talk about me to Lyla. “They know nothing about me, so it’s best you all mind your own fucking business. Got it?” I tried to contain my rage, but it was hard not to get in her face, to startle her enough to leave me alone. She didn’t need to be snooping around in my past. That was the last thing I wanted her to do. She didn’t need to be exposed to my weaknesses.
She took a step away from me, a little shocked from the anger pouring off of me. Guilt ran through me from startling her so much. I didn’t want her to see this side of me, this bitter, hateful man, but I didn’t know how to be any other way. It was rare when I could really be myself and those moments were usually with Jett, who knew my sins, knew the demons I faced every day.
“Why won’t you just talk to me?” she asked.
Rubbing my face with the towel, I tried to stomp out the frustration I felt before I lashed out in a way I knew I would regret later.
“Lyla, it’s none of your business. You’ve made it quite clear I’m not the man for you, so why can’t you just drop it?”
“Because I think we have something in common.”
The woman was delusional. I shook my head and draped the towel over my head, forming a faux hood. I pulled on the ends while I looked at her. “You couldn’t be further from the truth. We have absolutely nothing in common.”
The cautious woman who’d confronted me morphed into one of defiance now. She poked my bare chest and said, “You know, Kace, you’re not the only one with a shitty past. You’re not the only one suffering, so stop acting like it. There are plenty of people around you who’ve had as much misfortune as you, maybe even worse. I mean, what really happened? You can’t be a boxer anymore? Big fucking deal. There are worse things than that.”
I shook my head and didn’t allow her to provoke me. I knew she was trying to get the truth out of me, but what she didn’t know was I’ve been holding my truth in for so long, I’d become a master at denying and deflecting.
“You act as if you’re troubled, Lyla,” I stated coolly.
She crossed her arms and stuck her chin up in the air, a defiant stance I knew well, thanks to my interactions with Goldie.
“If I was I wouldn’t be telling you.”
It was almost cute how she was trying to hold back, but what kept me from pushing her buttons some more was the darkness that shadowed her eyes. At that moment, I remembered that in fact, there really was something troubling her. Something deep, something that penetrated her surface and hit her hard, a kind of trouble that only one who was fighting the same kind of demons would recognize.
My face softened some as I took her in. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here,” I stated.
“You can’t be serious. Do you really think I would talk to you about anything? Ugh, you’re so frustrating,” she said, turning away, clearly needing space. I watched her long legs move gracefully down the hallway before she stopped and turned back. “I don’t get it, Kace. I really don’t. I thought we had a connection. I thought there was something between us. I don’t understand why you keep pushing me away when I can see in your eyes how much you want me. Why are you denying yourself?”
“You know why.” I spoke softly.
“I really don’t,” she shouted. “But I fucking wish I did.”
Not giving me a chance to respond, she returned to the gym, most likely to vent to Goldie. I could only envision what my night was going to be like when Goldie confronted me later about treating her friend poorly. There was one thing you could always count on when it came to Goldie; she spoke her mind.
I needed to cut that conversation off before it even had a chance to happen, so instead of going back to my room, I went to Jett’s office. I never needed to schedule a meeting to see him.
Since the Lafayette Club, Jett’s old club for city elites, was non-existent at the moment, Jett’s office was in the same apartment as his living space, making it very uncomfortable to pay him a visit since most of the time he had Goldie on his desk, eye-fucking her and making her promises about what he was going to do to her later.
Luckily for me, Goldie was working out, so I didn’t have to be a witness to the engaged couple who had yet to set a date.
Not bothering to knock, I pushed through Jett’s door and headed toward the little room in the back where he housed his office. Jeremy, his assistant, was just exiting. Jeremy took in my shirtless appearance and didn’t bother to cover up the blatant perusal he gave me. What did I care? It was flattering when someone checked me out, guy or girl.
“Mr. Haywood, what a pleasure,” he said with a smile, an almost wicked grin on his lips.
“Jeremy, nice to see you. Is Jett in his office?”
“Yes. Can I get you anything? Maybe another water bottle?”
“I’m good. Thanks though,” I said politely and pushed past him into the office. The pleasantries were over.
I walked into Jett’s space to find him sitting at his desk, running his hand through his hair as he looked over some documents in front of him. He looked up at me briefly and nodded a welcome.
I took the seat in front of his desk and leaned forward so my forearms were resting on my thighs.
“Forget to put a shirt on?” Jett asked without looking at me.
“Nah. I just know how much you like it when I walk around shirtless. Really gets your dick twitching.”
“Ah, so you’re in a better mood now than you were last night,” Jett pointed out. I’d been a drunken ass last night. I chalked it up to another night of living with my friend, the whiskey bottle.
“Not really,” I admitted. “Just ran into Lyla in the gym. Why does she have access again? It’s kind of hard to move the fuck on with my life if I keep running into her all the time.”
Jett placed the papers he was looking over on his desk and lifted his gaze to me. With a serious face, he said, “She’s in trouble, Kace. She’s taking a step backward in her life by going back to Kitten’s Castle, so if offering her gym time and a possible place to stay….”
“Hold up,” I said, raising my hand. “Place to stay?”
Lyla had been working at the Lafayette Club with Goldie, making a positive change in her life, until she’d decided she didn’t need the help and went back to her old job, stripping at Kitten’s Castle on Bourbon Street.
Nodding, Jett sat back in his chair and said, “I offered her residence, and she’s considering it since we’re so close to the Quarter here. It would get her back on the right track, and maybe with the girls convincing her, we can get her away from the pole and offer something more substantial for her future. I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“No,” I lied. “Fuck. I mean, of course I want her to have more, but I was just starting to get past the fact that she wasn’t living under the same roof as me anymore and now she might live here? Fuck, Jett, it’s hard enough as it is, running into her all the time.”
“Not my problem,” Jett said heartlessly. “Maybe it’s time you grow a pair and face your problems instead of hiding behind them.”
“Face my problems? You really think I can make a switch like that and decide to let all my sins come to the forefront of my mind and deal with them?” In a menacing tone, I said, “I fucking killed a man, Jett. It’s not like I was beaten as a child or have some kind of drug problem. I physically killed someone with my fists. That’s something you never get over.”
“You can’t keep living the way you have been. You’re not experiencing what this world has to offer. You sulk around your room, take care of tasks related to your job, and work out. There is nothing else in your life. It’s unhealthy.”
“And like you have the authority to tell me what’s healthy? Fuck, Jett, you just came out of the hole you were hiding in a couple of months ago. And because of that, you now think you know everything there is to chasing your demons? You know nothing.” I inched closer and pressed my finger on his desk while I spoke. “Until you know what it feels like to be stripped of your life, of everything you’d worked toward, you have no governance over my life. I would appreciate it if you and the girls would just leave me the fuck alone when it comes to my personal life because as far as I’m concerned, I have none and I want to leave it like that.”
“Kace—”
“No.” I stood up, not even remembering why I’d come to see him in the first place. “Just stay the fuck out of it. Oh, and thanks for the heads up about Lyla. Looks like I’ll be looking for a new place to stay.”
“You’re not moving out,” Jett said sternly.
“You have no control over me. I can do whatever I damn well please, and if I want to move the fuck out, I will. I don’t work at the Lafayette Club anymore. I work for the community center, which requires my attention. It would do me some good to live closer so I can focus on the construction and plans to come.”
Blowing out a heavy breath, Jett shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “If that’s what you really want to do….”
“Honestly, I don’t really want to fucking do anything. What I want to do is drink myself into oblivion. It would be so easy to just shoot one up my cranium, be done with this scorching pain that runs through my body every day, but that would be too easy, and I swore I would make my life a living hell. No, my true punishment is living every fucking day on this miserable earth, replaying what I did over and over in my head as a reminder that I’m a monster who deserves nothing more than to be tortured until my dying day.” I took a deep breath and turned toward the door. Before I left, I said over my shoulder, “I’ll be looking for a place as soon as possible. I’ll keep you informed of my search.”
“Thank you,” Jett said without another word. He knew when not to push me, and after my little drama queen rant, he knew the conversation was over.
With newfound purpose, I strode to my room to start looking for a new place on my computer. Maybe this was the little freedom, the little change in my life I needed. My days hiding behind Jett’s doors were over. It’d been long enough that no one would be able to tell I was the man who shamed New Orleans. It was time to try to separate myself from the man who’d covered for me and try to justify my existence.
Chapter Four
My past…
A soft hand brushed my chest just as the morning sun peeked through my curtains. My body was stiff, thanks to three rounds and a few choice punches to my ribs from my opponent, but I welcomed the pain and the toll it took on my muscles. It reminded me of another fight I’d won, of another goal I’d accomplished, of the path I was continuing down.
“Mmm…,” Lindsay moaned as her hand slowly made its way down my chest to my waist. She’d been a late-night pickup at a bar I frequented. She’d been trying to get in my pants for weeks now, and last night, I’d needed to blow some adrenaline and steam. She’d been in the right place at the right time.
She was fucking hot—I would give her that—and she had huge tits I’d had fun with last night, but she wouldn’t be a forever kind of girl for me, and I didn’t think she saw me as a relationship kind of guy, which I appreciated.
Her hand started to slip dangerously close to my cock, and I thought about stopping her, but the idea of a morning blow job appealed to me.
The light touches she was making along my torso, and the way her breasts pressed against my side, made the blood start to pool at the base of my cock. With the final reach, she grabbed a hold of my dick and rubbed it up and down, and that was all it took. I sank into the mattress and let her do her work.
“Good morning,” she whispered into my neck, kissing my skin.
“Morning,” I answered gruffly, unable to control the deep timbre of my voice.
“Were you already awake?” she asked as she propped her naked body up. Her breasts swayed with her movements. It was the little things in life.
“Just woke up,” I responded, putting my hands behind my head and preparing for what she had in store for me.
“Good,” she grinned and shifted her body down. I spread my legs so she could set herself up comfortably.
She gripped my thighs and lowered her breasts so her nipples grazed my cock. I was fully erect within seconds of her little maneuver.
She continued to slowly graze my dick with her nipples, her hair lightly brushing my thighs. It was a tangled mess but sexy, because I knew my hands were the reason she wasn’t beauty queen perfect this morning. Her makeup was slightly smeared under her eyes, something I could ignore given the fact that she was about to suck me off.
Not the best fuck I’d ever had given my detachment, but she was hella good, the perfect ease for the ache between my legs.
“You’re so big,” she complimented me, making me feel uncomfortable. What does a guy say to that? Thank you? I grew it myself? Instead of responding, I grinned like a self-righteous chump.
Satisfied with how big I was, she crouched and lifted my cock with her hands. She brought the tip to her mouth and in one big gulp, practically swallowed me whole.
I nearly flew off the bed from how deep she took me.
“Ah fuck,” I groaned as my eyes shut and I sank farther into the mattress.
She sucked me hard, licked me up and down, and juggled my balls with precision. My hand fell over my face as I let her take charge. It didn’t take long until my legs started to tingle, my gut started to bottom out, and my entire body coiled, ready to explode.
She tightened her grip on my cock, letting me know she was ready. Her tongue flattened on the underside of my cock, and then she sucked the very tip as she squeezed my balls, and that was it. I pounded into her mouth, and she took me. She took every last inch of me until I was done.
“Christ,” I shouted, my head flopping on the pillow. I glanced down at her, and there was a satisfied smile on her face. Fuck, I would be proud of myself too if I’d just made someone orgasm like that.
She crawled up my body and placed her hands on my chest and then rested her chin on her hands. She studied me as I tried to wash away the euphoric look on my face. I tried to act cool around women but after a blow job like that, it was hard not to smile.
My hands ran up her sides and then back down where I gripped her ass. Her pelvis thrust into mine, letting me know she was wet and wanted some attention as well.
“Best way to start your day is with an orgasm.” She smiled.
“You hinting at something?” I snaked my hand around her ass and spread her legs. I felt how wet she was already, which only turned me on again.
“Oh God, please,” she said, moaning.
I was never one to only take, so I flipped her on her back and hovered right above her. She spread her legs wide and ran a hand through her hair as if to say she was baffled about what I was about to do to her.
I trailed my fingers across her chest and around each nipple just as my phone started to ring. I looked over and saw that it was my agent calling. He could wait.
Her breathing picked up as I played with her nipples. I pinched them hard. I’d found out last night she enjoyed it a little rough, and I wasn’t opposed to making her wishes come true, especially when I found myself fucking her up against my bedroom wall.
“Kace, please don’t tease me,” she groaned as my phone rang again.
My agent. What the fuck did he want, and why was he calling me so damn early?
Once again ignoring the call, I trailed my hand down her stomach. Her hips thrust into the air, encouraging me to move down farther, but I was a man who liked to take his time, to worship a fine body when I had one in front of me, so I didn’t give in to her little demands.
I grazed her pubic bone, making a guttural groan pop out of her mouth, but I didn’t continue south. Instead, I ran my fingers back up her stomach and was about to suck her breasts when the phone rang again.
“Son of a bitch,” I spat as I gave her a sorrowful look and grabbed the cell off my nightstand. “This better be fucking good,” I said into the phone, skipping all pleasantries.
“Kace, have you looked at the news?”
“No, Dale. I actually have a woman between my legs at the moment, something I’m sure you’re not familiar with.”
Dale was a good guy but fuck, he had bad timing.
“You might want to ask her to leave.”
“Why the fuck would I do that?” I asked as the hairs on the back of my neck started to rise.
“Please, for the sake of your future, ask her to leave.”
The tone Dale was using startled me. It was a warning—a warning that I was sure I wasn’t going to like what I was about to hear.
“Be kind and say you forgot you had a radio interview, but get her out as soon as you can.”
“Okay,” I said while I cleared my throat.
“Call me back when she’s gone.”
I disconnected the call and stared at nothing for a second as my mind raced. What could be so bad that Dale didn’t want anyone in my house when he told me?
It took about five minutes and ten apologies to get her dressed and out of my house. Surprisingly, she was pretty cool about leaving and not getting off. Maybe she was more easygoing than I’d thought.
I dialed Dale back while I started pacing the length of my house. There was no way he was going to be delivering good news. It wasn’t possible from the tone of his voice.
He answered on the second ring. “Is she gone?”
“Yes. Now tell me what the hell is going on.” I started to visibly shake.
“You might want to sit down,” Dale warned.
“Just tell me what the fuck is going on,” I shot back, my patience wearing thin.
“Kace, I got a call from the federation today. Your drug test was positive.”
“What?” I practically shouted. “It’s a mistake. What did I test positive for?”
“Human growth hormone. It’s a banned substance, Kace.”
“I know it’s a fucking banned substance!” I yelled, running a hand down my face. “This can’t be happening. Dale, I’ve never taken any kind of growth hormone. Someone switched the samples. There is no way I could test positive for HGH.”
“The Anti-Doping Agency wouldn’t switch. They take their jobs very seriously.”
“So you think I took steroids, then?” I asked, shocked my agent didn’t believe me.
“Do you take supplements?” Dale asked, his voice wavering.
“The only supplements I take are vitamins. I’ve never once done any kind of steroid. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am. Why would I chance it by taking steroids?”
“I don’t know,” Dale said. “Has Jono changed anything since you’ve been training with him?”
“No, we’ve been doing the same….” I paused as it hit me. “Holy fuck.”
“What?” Dale asked.
Ignoring him, I ran to my kitchen, set the phone down, and rummaged through a cupboard until I pulled down a bottle of supplements Jono had recently given me. He’d told me it was a combination of natural products to help me wake up in the morning and get the best workout I could. He’d claimed the pills were cayenne pepper, green tea, and some kind of other holistic supplements.
I searched for the ingredients, but the label was blank. What the fuck?
Dale screamed into the phone, asking me what was going on. I picked up the cell and said, “I’m so fucked.”
“What is going on?” Dale asked breathlessly.
“Jono gave me some supplements to wake me up in the morning. I’ve only used them a couple of times, but fuck, Dale. They have to be laced with HGH. It’s the only explanation.”
“You can’t be fucking serious,” Dale practically growled in the phone. “I knew he was a bad idea. His reputation was tainted for a reason. He couldn’t be trusted. Fuck!”
“Dale, what does this mean?” I asked, panicking now, not knowing what my future was going to look like, what my future held for me.
“It’s over,” Dale said flatly.
“Wait, what?” I asked as I slid down the cabinets of my kitchen and sat on the cold tile floor.
“You’re banned from competing, Kace. They don’t take substance abuse lightly. It’s over.”
This could not be happening. Dale was pulling some kind of joke on me; that’s what it had to be. There was no way everything I’d worked toward in my life was coming to an end just when I was getting started, just when I was making a name for myself. This couldn’t be happening.
“Dale, please tell me you’re kidding.”
“I wish I was, kid.”
“Can’t I dispute this?”
“You won’t be able to prove it wasn’t your fault. Who takes supplements without a label, Kace?” The disappointment in Dale’s voice made my stomach turn over.
“I trusted him,” I said softly as I sank farther into the cold ground.
“You can’t trust everyone, Kace.”
Advice that had come a little late, I thought, resting my head against the hard oak of the kitchen cabinets. The tightness in my throat constricted my ability to talk, and the throbbing in my head was almost overpowering. A lonesome tear ran down my cheek as the realization hit me that I was done. The one true thing that gave me happiness was over. My boxing days were finished.
“What’s going to happen?” I asked, not really wanting to hear what Dale had to say.
“A story is going to run shortly. Your sponsorships are already pulling. You’re cut from the circuit, and your title has been stripped. You’re boxing days are over. I’m sorry, Kace.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I said right before I ended the call and buried my head in my hands, knowing fully well I’d lost everything I’d ever worked for.
